Tuesday, July 6, 2010

1. I've never been in a dating relationship. I lie about this (say I have) all the time.

2. I swing between being attracted mostly to women and being attracted mostly to men. I often wonder if it's hormonal.

3. I call myself queer because I think bisexual is too specific and because I'm attracted to trans and genderqueer folks.

4. My first orgasm happened when i was 10 or 11, through masturbation. I've always been able to get myself off pretty easily.

5. I came the first time I had sex.

6. One of my fantasies is topping a man with a strap-on.

7. My mom was really intense when I was little about talking to me about what to do if I thought someone was touching me the "wrong way." Sometimes I think the reason I have a hard time with trust/intimacy stems from that conflation of sex with fear/guilt.

8. I much prefer giving hand jobs to giving blow jobs.

9. I'm attracted to all sorts of people, but one of my "types" is tall ginger-y men with beards.

10. I also really like women with short dark hair.

11. I'm really attracted to lean muscular bodies in both men and women.

12. When I was in 6th grade at a Catholic school, I gave a book report on a book that was basically a teen lesbian love story; for some reason it didn't even occur to me that it might be controversial. Luckily I had an amazing teacher who wasn't at all ruffled by it, though some of my classmates were.

13. My mom still asks me if I've "decided" whether I like women or men.

14. One of my great fears is that I will fall intensely in love with a woman and have to choose between her and a lot of really important people in my life who wouldn't be OK with me loving a woman.

15. I also still struggle with some inner homophobia and hate having to defend/justify/explain myself to people.

16. I don't want to get married and I think monogamy is an affected/unnatural lifestyle.

17. I love love love being eaten out.

18. The pressure of someone's body on top of mine is really comforting to me. It's also a lot easier for me to come that way.

19. The way I learned about the concept of bisexuality was listening to an Ani DiFranco song in the car while my dad was driving me to soccer practice when I was 10 and him turning off the tape and asking me if I understood what the song was about. I didn't really and he explained it.

20. I watch a lot of amateur porn online. I like thinking that they're real couples, really in love.

21. Generally I think men's skin tastes better, but I find women's bodies more pleasurable to touch.

22. There was a girl in my dorm sophomore year of college who had kind of a hump back and greasy hair and was really socially awkward and hoarded cafeteria food in our common refrigerator. I used to fantasize about seducing her; something about being with someone who physically repulsed me really turned me on in a perverse way.

23. I get turned on by making overly long eye contact with people in situations where I can't be confronted about it, like when I'm on a bus and they're waiting at the bus stop for a different bus.

24. When I was 13 or 14, one of my friends and I would watch late-night softcore and masturbate together during sleepovers. We never talked about it, but we were definitely both getting off in our sleeping bags.

25. I hate the phrase "make love." I love the term "fucking."