Thursday, December 9, 2010

1. I am a 22-year-old possibly bisexual, possibly straight male.

2. I had very little in the way of sex education, mostly due to the fact that I was home-schooled between the ages of 6 and 16. Perhaps as a result of this, I wasn't very aware of my body, and found myself perplexed (if not overly concerned) about the tendency of my penis to become hard from time to time. Even at the age of 13 I recall overhearing some older men joking about erections and feeling a vague sense of recognition about what still seemed a very strange phenomenon. If anything, I associated erections with discomfort and even pain as opposed to pleasure.

3. I have, for all intents and purposes, never masturbated. I certainly must have been touching myself at an early age, as I remember making myself come a little bit one day when I was 12. The sight of white fluid emerging from my penis shocked me so much that I immediately assumed that I had broken it. I distinctly recall also having similar thoughts about my erections during this time, combined with a sense of guilt that can surely be sourced to my Christian upbringing. I continued to fondle myself from time to time, but never engaged in anything resembling what would be commonly known as 'jacking off' - and, apart from that one time, my only emission of sperm came during wet dreams. As I became more sexually aware over the course of my teenage years, I developed a strange apathy towards masturbation that continues to this day.

4. I had had no sexual experiences whatsoever until the age of 18. At that point, I had only ever been kissed once, and had never seen a woman naked in person. My first real experience touching a girl was at a New Year's Eve party, when I sat on her lap and kissed her repeatedly, at one point putting my hand in her top and feeling her breast after she encouraged me to. The next time I kissed a girl was a couple of months later, at a university toga party, when a girl made out with me and gave me a hand job on the dance floor. About a month later, I touched a girl's vagina for the first time at another party, when the sister of my friend's girlfriend made out with me and encouraged me to put my fingers inside her. Until the beginning of my first relationship, these three incidents constituted my only sexual experiences.

5. Although I had crushes on girls in high school, I didn't have a girlfriend until I was 19. Although we were quite intimate from the beginning (we made out on my bed on our first date), it would be close to seven months until I finally had sex for the first time. The delay was almost exclusively due to nervousness on my part, as I found myself unable to maintain erections when putting on condoms. The first time was a massive anti-climax and I was simply relieved that I had gotten it over with. We would only have sex another three times over the course of our relationship, which lasted just over a year.

6. As grim as this sounds, we were in fact quite sexually active and slept together every night for about 9 months. A technique that we discovered early on was what might be known as frottage (or 'dry humping', I think), in which I would rub my penis against her vaginal area and vice-versa. In contrast to the sparsity of penetrative sex, we would engage in this activity quite frequently, and both often orgasm from it. Although I am now far more confident with sexual intercourse, I still enjoy this position and have used it to different degrees in most subsequent relationships.

7. It wasn't until this year that I felt confident about having sex. My problems in my first relationship led me to perfect my techniques in other areas, meaning that by the time I had broken up with my first girlfriend I felt quite confident about my abilities in oral sex and being able to bring a girl off with my hand. In the 13 month period between the end of my first relationship and the beginning of 2010, I only had penetrative sex with two other women (quite frequently over the course of my brief second relationship, and once with another girl during a one-night stand), and it was only upon meeting the girl with whom I would have a 6-month long-distance relationship that I became very confident about my technique. Although we only saw each other for a total of 18 days over three separate visits, we had sex nearly every day. I enjoy sex now a lot more than I used to.

8. My second relationship was with a girl who was nearly 5 years older than me and had two other boyfriends at the time. Although I knew little about polyamory, I was interested in the idea and very keen on her. Our relationship fizzled out after a perfect first couple of weeks, and I lost a considerable amount of self-esteem over the fact that she lost interest in me so quickly.

8. I first kissed a man at the age of 18, and had often harboured a suspicion that I might be bisexual. My first sexual experience with another man was at the age of 20, while I was with my second girlfriend. We went to a bar and picked up a male acquaintance in order to have a threesome. We didn't go much further than going down on each other, and, although I enjoyed the experience, I found it difficult to get aroused.

9. We kept in contact, and on the night my girlfriend broke up with me (after going out for less than a month), I dropped by his place for some comfort and intimacy. We spent the night together, and this time I was quite aroused by the experience, although once more it didn't proceed far beyond oral sex. This encounter threw me into a considerable degree of turmoil, as it seemed to prove beyond doubt that I was bisexual, a label that I openly embraced for some time afterwards. Nowadays, I think I may have been a little hasty in declaring my bisexuality: although I can definitely be attracted to men, and can be aroused by sexual experiences with men, I am still primarily attracted to women. In any case, I view sexuality as more of a spectrum than an either-or scenario.

10. From this point onwards, my sexual behaviour altered considerably. Up until then, I had only slept with two women, kissed less than seven and was still relatively sexually inexperienced. In the coming months, I participated in casual sex, threesomes and what might even be described as an orgy. This period of my life culminated in a two-month open relationship with an older man. Although in many ways this time was quite sexually liberating for me, I remember the defining feelings being loneliness and very low self-esteem. In many ways, I used sex and intimacy as a method of making up for my seeming inability to arouse any serious interest from the opposite sex.

11. I have never tried anal sex, although one guy did attempt to have sex with me during a one-night stand. I said yes, but began to feel physically uncomfortable and asked him to stop. Strangely, I'm almost more uncomfortable with the idea of giving it, although I wouldn't rule out trying it with my girlfriend if we both wanted to broaden our horizons.

12. Although my first girlfriend was three years younger than me, five out of my seven relationships have been with older partners. My current girlfriend is nine years older than me, and there has been a six year age gap with two other partners.

13. The first time I saw a naked woman was at the age of 12. I had gone music shopping with my dad and bought a cassette tape of "I Robot" by '70s prog rock band Alan Parsons Project. It wasn't uncommon for cassettes to contain song lyrics inside the insert, and I pulled it out to have a look. There, beneath the cover, was a rather tasteful photograph of a full-frontally nude woman. I went completely pale and recall feeling this crushing sense of shame and guilt. A few days later, I snuck the cassette into my Dad's tape collection and tried to forget about what I had seen. I found it there where I left it eight years later, and found it strange and sad that such an innocent photograph could have upset me so much.

14. A few years after my accidental discovery, I began to develop an obsession with the female form. At the age of 15, I would occasionally get out of bed after midnight (when my parents were asleep) and surf the TV for late-night films in the hope of seeing some female nudity. I would also go to the library from time to time and browse the photography section for the same reason. Even today, I'll be more interested in a film if it has female nudity in it.

15. I still get very turned on by the process of undressing, both doing it myself and watching someone else do it.

16. I have never found pornography particularly arousing. As a teenager, I found everything about it repulsive, and always felt a little disgusted by it. I still find porn stars completely unattractive and mainstream internet porn lurid and unerotic. Having said that, I have a strong voyeuristic streak and enjoy watching sex if it is portrayed in a realistic manner. Despite my flirtations with the idea of bisexuality, I have never sought out gay porn or felt the desire to do so.

17. Although I don't think I have any notable fetishes, I do have a big thing for pubic hair. I find it one of the sexiest aspects of the female body, and it's difficult for me to find a woman's pubic area aesthetically pleasing without it. I also find something erotic about underarm hair.

18. I am a little bit narcissistic, in the sense that I have loved taking photographs of myself for a long time. When I was in high school I would happily send naked photos of myself to girls I became close to on the internet, and also posted naked photographs of myself on the internet several times. To this day, the act of photographing myself naked still turns me on.

19. A defining aspect of my personality is my near-complete lack of inhibition. Although I didn't like using public showers or urinals throughout my childhood and early teenage years, I now have no problem with being naked in front of a room full of strangers and enjoy being looked at. I am also quite open sexually and enjoy talking about it and experimenting with it.

20. I'm quite happy to experiment with S&M, but I don't think it's really my thing. I do enjoy a bit of spanking, however.

21. I have had many sexual dreams about my siblings (male and female) and even my mother. Although I still have these dreams from time to time, they were more common in my early teenage years. Although I felt guilt and embarrassment over anything sexual at the time, I mostly felt guilty that I was dreaming about my sister. I practically never have sexual dreams about people I am attracted to in real life.

22. While I take an open-minded view of sex and am happy to experiment with it, I now think I am essentially monogamous (although I am quite open to the concept of polyamory). I love my girlfriend dearly and, although I still enjoy flirting with other women from time to time, I have no interest in them on any level. Although I have enjoyed promiscuity in the past, I am quite comfortable about the concept of never sleeping with anyone else again.

23. I think I would probably like to have a threesome with my girlfriend one day, although I think I would prefer it to be with another woman. Although I have already enjoyed two threesomes with a man and a woman in the past, I think I feel irrationally jealous about the idea of sharing my girlfriend with another man. Something that I might feel more comfortable about would be the idea of group sex with another couple or just multiple people.

24. I have never videotaped a sexual experience, but I think I would like to. The idea of other people watching us having sex turns me on.

25. I think I would rather never have sex again than never be able to kiss. There is something very intimate to me about kissing, and it has saddened me in the past to be with girls who didn't enjoy it much.