Monday, May 16, 2011

1) I'm a 23-year-old bisexual woman with a high sex drive.

2) I had precocious puberty and had sexual feelings without realizing what they were from a very young age. I used to wonder why watching Zack and Kelly make out on Saved By the Bell always made me want to pee. I had to start wearing a bra at the age of 8 and started my period at 10 after two years on the same hormonal treatment they give to pedophiles for chemical castration. My first sex ed class came after my period, so I had no idea why my vagina was bleeding. I felt quite ashamed of my period for several years and once went without a pad all day at school because I was too embarrassed to go to the office and ask for one. I would have obsessive crushes on boys, but they all liked the smaller girls. At school dances in middle school the boys' heads were at breast-level.

3) When I was 12 I met a boy who was two years older than me and taller than me who I liked. He adored me and made me feel beautiful for the first time in my life. We never did anything more than brief kisses, dancing, hand-holding and cuddling. He turned me on a lot, but I was much too afraid of my own sexuality at that time to do anything about it. I broke up with him because I thought God was telling me to.

4) When I was 14 I took a vow of chastity. Later that year I realized for the first time that I had a crush on a girl. She was 18 and ended up being the first person I french kissed. We were going to Rocky Horror Picture Show. We were in a water bed with five other people. I was the only female who wasn't topless. A 19-year-old guy touched my breast before even kissing me. Afterwords I felt horrible about it, but couldn't help fantasizing about it as I sat in church at the same time.

5) When I was 15 I fell in love with another girl. It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever experienced. It made me begin to question my political and religious assumptions. We would make out for hours in her car nearly every day. I wouldn't let her sleep over at my house because I still had my vow of chastity; however, I wasn't afraid that she would go to far, but rather that I would. We enjoyed biting each other.

6) I didn't know I had a clitoris till I was 16. I learned this when I began watching the Sunday Night Sex Show. It was what sex ed should be - straightforward information about sex that had no judgmental tone. After I learned this I began experimenting with masturbation. However, at the time I didn't like to think of it as such. I thought of it as 'exploring my body', and avoided having orgasms because then I'd really be masturbating, which I thought was wrong. I began reading erotica and fantasized about girls I would talk to online. Once I became slightly more comfortable with the idea of masturbation I started using my electric toothbrush to get off. It felt really good, but would eventually hurt and occasionally I'd use it so much I'd bleed. Luckily I eventually stumbled across a web site that always has a free sex toy on offer for the price of shipping and handling. This is where most of my vibrators have come from.

7) I went to university abroad and had my first serious boyfriend at 18. The first time I touched his cock I cried. He hadn't forced me in any way. I was just so conflicted about my own sexuality that it was deeply upsetting to me. Eventually we got to the point where we would be naked together a lot and touch each other, but I wouldn't let us have oral or penile-vaginal sex. He was a 24-year-old virgin and for ages after breaking up with him I would fantasize about showing up at his place and sucking his cock.

8) At 19 I had oral sex for the first time, after forsaking my vow and most of my Christianity, in a drunken one-night-stand with a 37-year-old police officer who was hot and had several tattoos. However, it was rather rapey and I still feel a little weird about it. He stuck his cock in my face after we'd been making out for awhile. I said no. The next thing I knew he was going down on me. I don't really remember how it got to that. He stuck his finger up my ass without any lube, but even that registered only a vague sensation of, "huh, that's a unique feeling." When he stuck his cock in my face again I complied and evidently gave him good enough head for him to not believe that it was my first time even after I cried directly afterwords. I slept next to him and we had oral sex again the next morning because I'd been curious about it for ages and figured that since I'd already done it once I might as well do it again. At that point in time I was concerned about keeping my number of sexual partners to a minimum. I told him not to stick his finger in my ass again because he'd made me bleed, but he still tried. Ass.

9) That same year I became interested in BDSM after playing a dominatrix in a gothic rendition of Shakespeare's Twelfth Night. I first suspected that I might be a bit sadistic when I felt compelled to ask a guy out after we'd blocked a scene in which I flogged him to the ground, then dragged him back up by his collar. Sadly, he wasn't really a masochist. I then met a guy online and began exploring pain and control. It was also my first open relationship. We switched with each other, but I always preferred dominating him even though I liked receiving pain. My first threesome was with him and a girl I had dated for a few months the year before. I dated the two of them for awhile, but it soon fizzled with them both.

10) I then met up with a male dominant who I'd been chatting to online. I didn't expect anything to happen because I 'knew' that I was dominant and he was too. However, I was attracted to him and knew that the only way I could be with him was by submitting. He also had a lot more experience of BDSM than I did and I didn't really know the first thing about domming someone, so I wanted to learn from him. I enjoyed being his pet. I had my first orgasm from pain, got throatfucked a few times a week, dressed up for him, and generally had fun. But it didn't feel like something I could do long-term (and he was leaving at the end of the year in any case).

11) While I was with my first and only Master, I was chatting with another guy with whom I fell in love (my Master and I had an open relationship). We were both switches and being with him was very liberating. I had my first penile-vaginal intercourse with him and came twice my very first time. He taught me that I'm multi-orgasmic and a gusher. He helped me feel like sex and kink weren't dirty and shameful - that I could be loved by someone wonderful and still be libidinous and creative in the bedroom. But eventually he got depressed and we stopped having sex. We were monogamous. I started feeling unwanted and undesirable, and eventually had to end it.

12) After that I concluded monogamy wasn't for me. I've never cheated on a partner and am perfectly capable of monogamy, but just don't like it very much. Sometimes I feel somewhat bad about being the stereotypical greedy bisexual. I really do want to be able to be with men and women, and yes, sometimes even at the same time. However, I also really enjoy alone time with whomever I'm seeing. I generally prefer one-on-one sex, but threesomes (and maybe someday group sex) are a fun way to spice things up and experience new people. At the moment I consider myself to be poly - I prefer to have relationships with the people I'm having sex with, and have realised that strong bonds can happen with multiple people at once.

13) I've now had sex with around 15 people. However, if you only count penile-vaginal sex the number goes down to 2. I've made out with close to 100 people. I love kissing. I used to really care about numbers, but now they don't really mean anything to me. However, I still feel pressure to use the smaller number with people who seem judgmental. I wish I didn't feel this way. I wish it was easier for me to say, "You know what, I like sex. A lot."

14) Despite the previous statement, I'm unrestrained in the bedroom. All I need to be so, I've found, is someone who won't judge me for following whatever sexual urges I stumble across. I've been lucky enough to find people like that, and now know to search for them when I am looking. I now love my body (although still have some insecurities every now and again), and love the way sex can bring me into it. Sex is a form of freedom for me. Purely embodied sensation. Sex is a great way to de-stress, have fun, or explore.

15) I'm now the dominant in a relationship with a man who's a switch, but only submissive to me. I love having sex with him. He makes me squirt nearly every time. I know enough about myself now that with me in charge of what happens I often have 10 orgasms a night. I'm rather insatiable. Many of my orgasms are rather small, but usually I have one or two biggish ones each time we have sex (and when I masturbate, though sex orgasms are better). Every once in a while, though, I'll have a completely mind-blowing one that will leave me completely satisfied. Those times are awesome. However, I kind of like that they only happen every once in a while. I think it makes them even better.

16) I love anal. Giving, receiving, tongue, toys, fingers, cock, strap-on - all good. I've fantasized about fucking a guy up the ass since I was 18, and now that's become a regular part of my sex life. I used to doubt that I'd ever want to receive anal, but always knew I'd make the deal with any boyfriend I loved that if he'd let me fuck him in the ass I'd let him try to fuck me in the ass. So that's basically what happened, and it turns out that I can have g-spot orgasms through my ass and it makes them even more intense. It's great. I also love making my sub lick my ass. It's rather humiliating for him and feels wonderful. I recently fisted my boyfriend's ass for the first time. It was a very intimate experience and I look forward to doing it again.

17) I really like androgyny. It's fun to play with gender. I've enjoyed cross-dressing every once and awhile from the age of 17. I like putting my boyfriend in stockings and fantasize about us wearing silk slips together with his erection causing his to tent. I'm attracted to people at all ranges of the spectrum, including trans people. I wish that more people would play with gender and have fun with it instead of feeling like they have to stick to just one.

18) I've recently realized that I am the author of my arousal. Because my boyfriend is submissive, even if I'm not feeling particularly aroused, I can tell him exactly what to do to make me aroused. With him, it works every time. I like having sex every day and knew before I was with him that I'm always up for it even if I don't always feel like initiating it. With him I've learned how to translate this into me initiating by telling him how to seduce me (which simultaneously seduces him). It's lovely.

19) Currently my favorite sex toy (other than my boyfriend) is a double-ended dildo cock gag. I lock it onto my boyfriend's mouth and ride it till I squirt in his face. It never fails to put him into subspace and I love defiling him in such a way. I never really understood come shots in porn until I played with this toy.

20) I really want to have an MMF threesome. I've had plenty of FFM ones, which are fun, but I love watching two men together. I started watching porn when I was 18 and have always liked watching gay men get it on. I also like the idea of being continuously fucked for quite some time - an empowered gang-bang if you will. I love getting fucked hard and would enjoy saying "next!"

21) I still struggle with having penile-vaginal intercourse with new partners. Part of me would like to be able to do it as casually as I can have oral sex. It feels somewhat disproportionate that I can have sex with women the first time I meet them without any inner turmoil, but if I let a guy stick his cock in me it's got to be love. I don't know what to do about this. On the one hand I'm tempted to experiment with casual penile-vaginal sex. On the other hand, it is more dangerous in terms of STI's and pregnancy, so perhaps it's a healthy thing to feel.

22) I'm an exhibitionist and like making porn. I've had an account with an amateur site before, but am always afraid of my stuff incriminating me one day. However, my face is only seen very briefly in any of my clips, and I've now taken them all down. I'm tempted to make porn again though. I'd like to make porn for some queer website if we lived in an ideal world where a former porn appearance couldn't cost you your job. Unfortunately, that's not the way things are, so I'll have to stick to awkward body shots.

23) I'd like to fall in love with a woman again. So far, it's only happened once.

24) I used to imagine the white picket fence and 2.5 children in my future, but now I just don't know. I might get married at some point, but now it seems like it would more likely be about convenience than anything else. This has been shaped by my sexual history because I'm becoming more and more non-traditional. Plus, I might eventually want a triad, which wouldn't be legally recognized. I also don't know how to reconcile my desire to have my own life in my mind and work that I'm proud of and children. I like children, but don't like the idea of my identity becoming "mother." Also, my contribution to the world outside of children is important to me, and the world is already overpopulated.

25) I'm afraid of my sex drive disappearing some day. I love being a sexual person now. It's one of the most fulfilling parts of my life. To lose that would really sadden me.