Sunday, June 19, 2011

1. I'm 20, I'm a girl, and I had my first penis-in-vagina sex about 2 weeks ago.

2. I think I'm relatively late and must admit I started worrying about it a bit. I haven't had any long term relationships so far, I almost don't have any crushes, and when I do they're mostly platonic or just imagined. I think I had stopped thinking about people as potential (one night, long term, friends with benefits or whatever) partners for a while.

3. I enjoy watching people and thinking about their beauty and ugliness. I notice girls and women more.

4. The last time I'd kissed somebody was last summer and I didn't enjoy it that much. Last time before that might be another year ago. I have been rather passive.

5. The first time I tried having sex was about three years ago, but I wasn't very into it and had my last days of menstruation. I was tight and not very wet and did not want to try more, but I enjoyed being naked and held a penis in my hand for the first time. I liked it, though I didn't feel like touching it with my lips. But I had my sexual fantasies in Russian for a few months after that, as that was the language we were using.

6. I think most of my experiences have been with foreigners, and I am not sure what to think about that.

7. I think I like penises a lot. Feeling a penis against my stomach or rubbing against my hip or lips while in the shower makes me smile. I would love to know what it's feeling.

8. I don't like shaving very much and I'm not very careful with that, but if my partner would prefer less hair, I'd most probably do it.

9. I remember discovering my clitoris when I was about 9 and thinking if this is what sex is about. Then I forgot about it for several years and began masturbating again only at about 16 or 17.

10. Last year I took a class on gender and sexuality at university, and one of the homework assignments was to interview someone about Soviet sexuality and circulation of knowledge in the family. My mom refused to speak with me about her personal experience.

11. My first time having sex was a bit weird because I had a tingling feeling all over my palms, my face and belly. At some point it became very confusing because my muscles were almost in cramps. It wasn't painful, but it was getting hard to smile and touch my partner because my fingers and face were so tense. Next day first I tried googling something like 'nerve trauma during sex' (these were not the right keywords and writing it made me feel funny), but after a while I found that the feeling most probably came from hyperventilation (well, yes), low blood pressure and improper back position. Though some people wrote they just have it when it's really good, hmm.

12. But overall I was smiling most of the time. I still feel so inexperienced, but I also enjoy doing things for the first time and I know it will get better. Also the feeling of being a bit stretched and swelling on the next day made me smile.

13. Neither of us came during all our sexual experiences together. I would like to be more sure about him, but I think both of us enjoyed ourselves and each other just being close and naked together. More time.

14. The feeling of my clitoris was so different during penetration, it was hard to feel anything, too much tension maybe.

15. So far I am rather vanilla, I like it slow, with lots of eye contact. But I am not that sure that this will last long and I guess it also depends on the partner I am with.

16. I love mess, different smells and body fluids. I also like blood and a bit of dirt and sweat. I would love to be covered in clay or mud together with my partner and be out in nature. Not too hygienic, I guess.

17. I like morning sex and sex in daylight.

18. I really enjoy using my tongue: for kissing, licking and blowjobs. I keep thinking about it a lot lately.

19. I love it when I kiss or share a touch with somebody and get the feeling of opening up for sharing the space between my legs with that person and the warmth spreading through my belly.

20. The advantage of having sex a bit later for me is that I am so much more free with my body and myself now than years before – it is a very good feeling to realize it and was even a bit of a surprise for myself. I certainly love being naked, and I think my attitude towards being naked in the presence of others also changed during the last few months when I began visiting a public sauna from time to time. Sex in a sauna would be so nice.

21. Reading this and other sex blogs has also been among my reasons of becoming more free with myself and more sex-positive. Lots of posts here turn me on.

22. My sex drive is not very high at the moment, I don't masturbate a lot, even if I think about having sex a lot - it's more about short, pleasant flashbacks and sometimes I physically start moving with it slowly or move my tongue in my mouth.

23. My orgasms are not very powerful, but I hope they will become more impressive when I'll get to know my body more and pay more attention to it. Sometimes I just don't feel interested in spending time for that. I hope I will not lose interest in sex and improving my knowledge about my own and other bodies. I hope I will not lose interest in other people or stop caring and will have more emotions.

24. I also hope to improve my fantasy skills; until now I usually just remember my favorite porn scenes.

25. Sex has been fun so far, and I'm happy about everything and about my partners and sure that more will come with time.