Friday, January 18, 2013

1. I’m a 22-year-old female from western Europe. I am heterosexual with no homosexual/bisexual experiences so far. I have not felt any attraction to a woman, but i would like to kiss one in the future.

2. I have had 7 sexual partners with whom I’ve had the following relationships: one serious long-term relationship, two one-night stands, one short relationship and three fuck-buddies.

3. I lost my virginity at the age of seventeen with the guy that I had been dating for three months, my first boyfriend with whom I stayed for 3 years in a complicated, hard relationship. It hurt like a motherfucker and it took four tries to get his whole big penis into my hurting vagina. But he was so caring and respecting.

4. My boyfriend gave me my first two orgasms while we were dry humping. Of course, he was not aware of that and, at the time, I wasn’t either.

5. I fake it all the time. ALL the time. Very very rare are the cases in which men make me orgasm by penetration. I have told no one this until now. And even though I don’t cum, the sight of their eyes and the way their cocks push inside me when I fake it makes me want to crawl out of my skin with pleasure. I’m happy that way.

6. My first one-night stand happened while I was at the seaside. I got drunk, wandered on the beach and started looking for the first hot lonely guy. Chitchat this, chitchat that, next thing I know, I was dry humping him on the sand, my boobs were hanging outside my top and he was kissing and licking and growling like hell. Moments later we were in my tent. It was HORRIBLE. He went down on me and came right back up saying that I had a "sandy situation” down there. Yes. Dry humping on a beach gets you sand in all the wrong places. He was moving SO slowly I was going out of my mind. I kept urging him to move faster because I wanted wild, desperate, mind-blowing sex, but the joke was on me. He finished in 3 minutes. We met a few weeks later back in the city and started a short relationship. So he was not just a one-night stand. But the sex was still pretty bad and he was starting to get really involved. So I ended it.

7. I picked up my next one-night stand in a club. We went to his place and, maaan, did he fuck me hard! He showed me a lot of new positions, and it was rough! And because we did not know each other and it was completely free, I told him all of my turn-ons and fantasies. And he did those and then some more. We fucked three times for about two and a half hours. He left me so sore I could not walk properly. But i knew then that rough sex and big dicks are my thing.

8. I like older men. Apart from my boyfriend who was a year older than me, the age difference between the men I’ve had sex with and myself goes from 4 to 10 years. I tend to stay away from men younger than 25 years because I find them immature. Older men know better what to do with me, how to touch me and how to teach me.

9. I know how I like my men to be from the physical point of view: fit, tall, with dark (curly) hair and a beard. Just the thought of a beard scraping across my clitoris and vagina while he gives me oral sex almost makes me orgasm. Oh, and they have to be pretty well equipped in the penis department. I love big, thick dicks and the way they ease into my vagina.

10. My clavicles are my absolute turn-on spot. Kiss, bite, run your hand, beard, penis across them and I’m lost in desire.

11. My favorite position is doggy style. Yeah, I like it from behind.

12. I like the game of seduction. I tend to choose the men that I can’t have. I like the chase, I like to make an effort in order to catch my prey. If it’s too easy, then I lose interest almost immediately.

13. When I masturbate, I can make myself come in under one minute by stimulating my clitoris. I can give myself multiple orgasms, depending on how horny I am. Once, I went on a orgasm spree and made myself come 9 times in 20 minutes. I watch a lot of porn while masturbating, but I can also do it by thinking of great sex that I've had or by fantasizing about different scenarios.

14. The last man I was with was my "fuck man" for about six months. I say "man" because he is 29 years old and a doctor. When I think of him, perfection comes to mind: Beautiful Sex God with big perfect dick. I mean it. He is the best lover that I have ever had. He has two sides of him and I don’t think he realizes that. The first time I went to his place we sat and talked for about an hour -- smart and funny subjects – until I crossed my legs and he noticed that, in that position, my skirt was revealing too much of my thigh. He put his hand on my knee and his eyes darkened in some arousing way. That was the side that fascinated me. He was dominating me, telling me what to do, asking me if I liked this or that and using a lot of dirty talk. I was not used to that. He made me realize that I like dirty talk. He got so horny when I talked dirty. The sex was hard and rough: hair-pulling, neck-biting, nail-scratching and ass-slapping. He fucked me in ways I did not know were possible. He loved to give me oral sex a lot! He would often switch from oral sex to penetrating me again and again and it made me go crazy with pleasure.

15. We started fighting for control when we were having sex. He liked being in control and I loved the moments when he pinned me to the bed, the wall, the window and fucked me endlessly. But when i got to win and to control him... seeing me on top and calling the shots, that was the time when his sex hunger grew wilder and his dick harder.

16. I’ve never had anal sex and I want it to stay that way. He wanted so badly to be the first one that I had anal sex with, but I refused countless times. He would often slip a finger in or lick me just to see if I’d like to do more. Once, without me knowing, he hid a chocolate under the bed and when he went down on me, he slid a tiny piece of chocolate into my vagina and another one into my ass. The sensation of the chocolate melting was incredible. He also liked to pour wine on me just to lick it from my body moments after. Sometimes, he’d interrupt the sex to smoke a cigarette and to drink wine. He knew that drove me wild with anticipation. We also liked to light a cigarette and split it between us while we had sex.

17. I have him to thank for the fact that I now truly know myself sexually. He taught me that there’s nothing to feel ashamed of when you are having sex as long as it’s something that you like and both enjoy.

18. My second fuck-friend cheated on his girlfriend with me three times. I was obsessed with him, so I did not care about her at all. He venerated my boobs and said that they were made for him because they fit his hand perfectly. I now regret being the other woman and wish that I had waited for them to break up.

19. I want to try BDSM. I love the idea of being tied, blindfolded, spanked. But I do not want the pain level to be high. I want to be dominated. Helplessness turns me on.

20. I like to have sex in places other than the bed (floor, chicken, chairs, washing machines, bathroom, you name it...) or the house, as a matter of fact. So far, I have had sex in a closed library, on the open tiny balcony of a 9th floor apartment, in the elevator, on the beach, in a tent, twice in a park, the staircase, on an abandoned alley. While I am writing this, I am at the central library in my city.

21. I have been told that I have perfect boobs by men with whom I have slept (who were obsessed with them) and also by both male and female observers. They are big, hard and round with perky nipples.

22. I don’t know if this is true, but most of my sexual partners have said that being inside me is an exquisite feeling, not something that they have felt many times. The doctor, my latest lover, said that it is because I get wet really fast and a lot, which, apparently, is a big deal.

23. I don't like to give oral sex that much but I do it because I love how it makes men feel and react. I love to give handjobs, though. The way the cock feels between my hands and seeing how it reacts to every single one of my touches turns me on so much. I also like feeling a cock between my boobs.

24. I like to be loud during sex. Actually, knowing that I can be loud and express the pleasure that I’m feeling is what I like the most. Hearing men make sex noises also turns me on.

25. I am so horny right now... I’m craving some big, hard, rough penetration.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

1. I am a 43-year-old straight male.

2. I have been hooked on porn since I discovered a bunch of Hustler magazines on someone's front porch when I was on my paper route when I was around 14 years old. My current GF has told me she is disgusted by porn and she believes that I don't view it anymore. I tried to stop, but I've had some relapses the last few months.

3. I was a virgin until I was 19, and lost it to a girl I dated in college for several years.

4. We broke up after 5 years when someone tried to seduce me at a church dance. It worked, but I wound up dating both of them for about 7 months.

5. When I was growing up, I always thought a pussy was just some weird triangle covered with hair, until i saw my first shaved one in a a porn magazine back in the late 80's. It was the most amazing, beautiful sight I have ever seen, and I have been really into shaving ever since, before it was fashionable as it is now. Every girl I've ever been with has been shaved. I used to shave all 3 of my long-term exes on a regular basis.

6. I have been unfaithful in some form in every relationship I've ever had, including my current one as of a few days ago. I am not proud of this.

7. I believe I have a sexual addiction problem that I have struggled to fight for the last 8 months. Like I said, I failed at this 3 days ago.

8. My last relationship before this one ended in May due to cheating, of course. It was rather devastating all around. She wound up suicidal and in a mental hospital for a few days.

9. I've had incredible sex in my life, but in the past few years, I've fooled around with girls but never totally fucked them cause it seemed like that was going too far (done everything but that).

10. I've never had a one-night stand, though (until 3 days ago); I've always been long-term relationship guy. My first relationship lasted over five and a half years. Followed by one that lasted over 13 years, followed by almost 5 years again.

11. When I was 25, I participated in a foursome with another couple. It was summer, we started in the pool, we were all really drunk. The other guy and I really wanted to see the girls get it on, so they said they would if we sucked each other's dicks first. He sucked me a little bit... I sucked him off to completion. This was my only gay experience.

12. My ex of 13 years really taught me a lot about my sexuality. She was also 10 years older than me and had much more experience than i did at everything. She introduced me to some light bondage, tying each other up, erotica... etc. Early on in our relationship, she also pegged me with a strap-on a few times and made me cry from the pleasure. It took me through a door that I have never really been through again.

13. Earlier this year, sex with my live-in relationship at the time had gotten kinda stagnant. We were looking for some ways to experiment to "save things." I tried to arrange a threesome with a female co-worker... that didn't work out at all. Never even got to try anything. So one night, we were looking at porn together... and we started talking about a strap-on. She was surprisingly into it, so we went out and got one that weekend. It was pretty good, but not quite the same as when I was much younger. She was a bigger girl and had a difficult time with it. Neither of us had good stamina, either.

14. There were two girls that I cheated on her with regularly for the past few years before we moved out of state, and a third that I was always trying to get with. This led to a lot of sexting and exchanging pics back and forth. A.lot of that. I didn't always see the two girls very often and, like I said, I didn't fuck them. They didn't know about each other. OK, the one, I did fuck her to say goodbye right before I moved away. The other was a virgin and was always begging me to do it, but I didn't feel right about taking that gift from her. She started dating some guy and gave it up to him within two or three weeks and regrets it.

15. There is nothing I enjoy more than making and watching a woman come. OK, that's not totally true, I also love eating pussy, and I believe I am quite skilled at it.

16. One of the girls from #15 was a squirter. I loved it when she would do it all over my face, the bed, the floor... anywhere and everywhere. I could make her come so many times in a row that she would pass out sometimes.

17. I also really enjoy just being naked, alone or with someone. All my exes have enjoyed being naked around the house, although we weren't total nudists or anything. I just love when you both feel totally comfortable with each other and have nothing to hide.

18. OK, I said I only had one gay experience, but when I was a teenager, I once tried to show my neighbors how to jerk off with porn magazines (other boys my age, who lived across the street). I also did this with my male cousin. My cousin was into it, but the neighbors were not, and humiliated me about it for a long time. I think they told other kids at school what I had tried to demonstrate for them.

18. I have been engaged twice, but never married.

19. I said I had an addiction problem, which I tried to keep under control. I have been seeing a woman now for the past 8 months, and I told her about issues that I had in past relationships and being unfaithful. I swore to her that I would never cheat on her, that she would be the last woman I ever kissed or touched or fucked or anything.

20. Due to the fact that I lived 500 miles away from her, I have only seen her once a month for the past few months. I moved back this weekend so that we could allow our relationship to progress. We have not had much time or opportunity to explore our sexuality very often, due to the distance between us.

21. She is someone I used to know over 25 years ago, and we got reacquainted earlier this year through a common social media site. The first time I saw her last spring, we wound up at a hotel within an hour and had sex. I used a condom, since I was still with my live-in relationship at the time, but that ended soon afterwards.

22. She is married right now, although she is ready to begin divorce proceedings. She hasn't been on any birth control and I have always used a condom with her. However, I have some kind of mental or physical block and I have never been able to finish inside her with a condom on. It's also been kinda hard for me to maintain an erection sometimes due to this. We always take it off and I wind up jerking off or she sucks me off.

23. I swore to her for months that I would never cheat on her. That I would forsake all other women. This weekend, I moved over 500 miles to be back with her to give this relationship a real chance for the future. My best friend helped me move... and then we started fooling around and I fucked her... and had unprotected sex and my first ever "one night stand," because now my best friend is 500 miles away again.

24. The girl, my best friend, went into some kind of weird sexual trance, like I have never experienced before in my life. She begged me to fuck her to release all the tension and pain I had built up in her body from fooling around so much. So I did. It was insanely passionate, but by the time I finally put it in her, we both came so fast and explosively. And now I have to go to the doctor and get tested for STDs and HIV. She is surgically sterilized after having 3 kids, so she won't get pregnant.

25. I'm supposed to have sex with my current GF tomorrow. With a condom, of course. We both enjoy masturbation and we have abstained from doing that for the past 25 days until we could be together again. And now I fucked my best friend and ruined that 3 days ago. I'll give it my best shot, but obviously I still have a serious addiction problem.

Monday, January 14, 2013

1.      I am an 18-year-old cisgender female in the USA. I call myself panromantic and pansexual, but I’m probably more along the lines of panromantic androsexual, as I’m more sexually attracted to the men and androgynous women. Although I can see myself in a relationship with someone of any gender and sexual orientation, I have only ever been in relationships with cisgender men.

2.      My first time having PIV sex was when I was 16 with my boyfriend (18) at the time. We had sex in the passenger seat of his car on New Year’s Eve.

3.      Everyone had told me it was a big deal to lose my virginity and that it should be special. I was nervous and timid my first time. After it happened, I was hardly affected. I understand that it can be a big deal to some people, but to me, it was just another experience in life.

4.      I went on birth control pills shortly after losing my virginity. Not to regulate my period, not to help my skin. I went on birth control because I didn’t want to get pregnant. I got it from the Teen Health Center at my school. When I told my mom I’d had sex, she said she would rather I didn’t have sex, but she told me that if I am going to be doing adult activities, I had to make adult decisions. So birth control happened. I got an IUD last year for the convenience. That way in college I wouldn’t have to remember to take a pill every day and it’s very reliable.

5.      I have had PIV sex with 3 guys. The first one was a boyfriend, as stated above. The second was a really good friend of mine. We started off in a FWB type relationship, but over time we got closer and emotions were had. The third is a friend of mine that I met in college.

6.      I have had sexual contact (to fingering, oral sex, “third base”) with 6 guys (this number includes the guys I’ve had PIV sex with). I have kissed 7 guys, 4 were boyfriends. Just throwing some numbers around, probably unnecessarily.

7.      Between sexual partners 1 and 2, I had a 9 month break. During this time I had a boyfriend for 6 months. I didn’t crave sex until the relationship ended. I sought someone to have sex with as a hook-up or “fuck buddy” type relationship. I ended up getting to “third base” with a guy and we ended up not having sex. A few weeks later I began a sexual relationship with my friend.

8.      For the longest time I didn’t crave sex.   Then suddenly I needed it.  This sudden craving was surprising. I had never thought of myself that way.  Now even short breaks (as in a week or more) without sex are difficult.  Am I just horny all the time?

9.      I have never had the opportunity to have sex with a woman, but I have made out with 2 (kinda). One was when I was 12 or 13 and she was one of my best friends at the time. We had a sleepover, both said we didn’t understand the big deal about first kisses, and started kissing. It was fun and warm and soft. The other is my friend’s girlfriend. We kind of made out (more like prolonged kissing) in front of him a few times just for entertainment's sake.

10.     I have always been very confident in myself and my sexuality. I’ve always been very open to expressing my sexuality and intimate details about my sex life. I have very few things that I hold back. I like giving people advice and I answer almost any question people ask me about my sex life. I really enjoy talking about sex, and I think I often make people uncomfortable because I am so comfortable talking about a subject many consider taboo.

11.     I started masturbating really early. I think I was probably about 5 or 6. I remember touching myself and humping a pillow and knowing it felt good. I didn’t know what I was doing, but it felt good, so could it be wrong? I think I began consciously masturbating at about 12 or 13. The number of times I masturbate in a week varies a lot. Sometimes it will be once a day and other times it will be once every week or two.

12.     According to most of my friends, I’m a big flirt. I flirt with almost all of the guys I know even though I’m not sexually or romantically attracted to them. There are a few guys I know that I do not flirt with for various reasons. My “friend zone” is very small and difficult to get into.  A lot of my close friends fit into this category, though. I flirt because it’s fun. But I’m such an outgoing person that often my advances are taken as flirting versus me just being friendly and open. I am also a very touchy person though. I hug everyone and I awkwardly stroke my friends and hold their hands because it’s fun. I do all of this, but it tends to lead people on. I have rejected quite a few people, and I feel sad that the friendships I had with those people will never be quite the same.

13.     As open as I am about my sex life and history and the factual aspects of my life with everyone, I find it really hard to talk about romantic feelings with a person I am romantically interested in. Sounds stupid, doesn’t it? I should just learn how to tell people how I feel. It would make having sexual relationships easier if the people knew how I honestly felt.

14.     I have always liked the idea of casual sex. Sex without strings, not having to worry about the other person’s feelings. I think it’s an excellent way to let go and express oneself, but I don’t think it should replace committed relationships, as I enjoy having one person to have sex with as well as enjoy the company of. And there is something special about having meaningful sex.

15.     That being said, I don’t think I could ever truly do a “friends with benefits” relationship type thing and have it work long term. I’ve never had a “fuck buddy,” but I’m fairly certain I could maintain that kind of set up. I like the idea of having a good friend that you just happen to be sleeping with. But if I had an emotional or mental connection with the person, I would start to develop romantic feelings for him or her, and the sex wouldn’t just be casual anymore.

16.     The idea of period sex really grosses me out. I shouldn’t be grossed out by my own body, but for some reason, having sex on my period sounds unappealing. I have had sex while I was on my period ONCE, and I said “ew” the entire time. I doubt I will do it again (at least until I’m in a long-term monogamous relationship).

17.     I think having a threesome sounds fun. I don’t know if it’s a fantasy, but it’s something I hope to get a chance to do. I’d love to have the opportunity. I’d want there to be one man and one woman with me.

18.     I don’t have experience with bondage, but I think it’s really hot. I’m not into hardcore BDSM, but I’m really turned on by the idea of having my hands tied or being blindfolded. I really like the idea of being restrained. It sounds so hot, not being able to use my hands to touch and feel and interact. I like the idea of having to rely on other senses to feel what’s going on.

19.     I like it rough. Sometime I’d like to be pushed down on the bed or up against a wall and fucked. Have my hair pulled and my ass grabbed and my neck bitten and dirty talk whispered in my ear.

20.     I have never liked blowjobs. They just aren’t pleasant and not fun. But recently I discovered, while spending time with my friend, that I do like giving blowjobs if I’m in the right mood for it and if I have the right kind of connection with the person. Still not my favorite thing, though.

21.     I don’t like being eaten out (or haven’t in the past). I don’t know if this is because the one guy that has ever done it wasn’t good at it or if it’s because I just don’t like it. But I didn’t find it to be anything special. It wasn’t unpleasant, but it did nothing for me. I got bored.

22.     Anal is something that has always sort of scared me. I would be open to trying it at some point in my life, but I’m worried I’ll tear something. Plus the idea of fecal matter getting everywhere seems kind of gross to me. But who knows, I’ll never know unless I try it. One time a guy slipped and went “into the wrong hole.” It was excruciatingly painful and has further discouraged me from anal sex.

23.     Boobs are really fun to play with. But not very often does having my boobs touched turn me on, or feel like anything better than just having my boobs touched. I’d rather have my neck kissed and touched. I know a lot of people that think this is gross and weird, but it’s actually just really hot. I like having my neck sucked on. It feels good.

24.     I love the sound of people climaxing. It’s amazingly hot to hear a person completely let go in the heat of the moment. I don’t like the overly exaggerated sounds porn stars make, but listening to someone masturbating or having sex is a really big turn on.

25.     Finally... I’ve never orgasmed. Sex, masturbation, etc. all still feels really good, but I don’t get that mind-blowing feeling and the huge release that supposedly people feel. I feel a point where the good feeling reaches a maximum point before falling back down, but I can just sort of decide when I want/need to stop. I hope at some point in the future I will be able to experience the orgasm that everyone raves about.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

1. I’m a 22-year-old mostly male from the UK who struggles to not be defined by gender roles. I’ve wished I was a girl for most of my life but have no intention on changing my body – if I can choose I’d rather be a girl with a penis.

2. I am more attracted to girls than boys (on about a 7:1) But I’m as happy to kiss boys as girls. I find androgyny attractive, alluring.

3. I’m not attracted unless they’re intelligent.

4. I have had sexual encounters with women and loved most and hated some.

5. I’ve yet to have a sexual encounter with a man or anyone genderqueer, but I do fantasize about many and sundry varieties.

6. I fall in love with people often and easily and these overlap. I genuinely don’t understand monogamy (though I practice it in respect of my partners if they want) because my love for one person has never been changed by my love for another, and I feel sexual desire for many, many different people.

7. Any dominance or submission would go as far as telling the other person what to do or being told what to do. It’d never include insults or demeaning language or aggression. As for pain - I have a very low tolerance. Some biting and the occasional fingernails, no more.

8. I would love to be between a man and a woman – this is one of my most common fantasies, as are threesomes in general.

9. I’ve never had sex outdoors and would love to, though I’ve had sex under a thunderstorm in an extension under skylights. The air was thick and the light was blue with brilliant white flashes. Incredible.

10. In the past I have been too concerned with trying to please my (female) partners and assumed that by giving to them constantly I am doing what they would most like. It’s been hard trying not to even though I understand nowadays how this simply isn’t true.

11. There is only one man who I think I would be comfortable enough to have sex with – so far.

12. Hairy is good, as is wet, and loud, and laughing. I love the taste of vaginas... mostly.

13. I like small kisses best, most of the time.

14. My nipples are really sensitive, to the point that it’s very rare that I enjoy people touching them, but this is getting better.

15. I really enjoy things touching my bottom, around and inside. It makes things feel satisfying and more - wholesome? I desperately want to be pegged. I like to receive head whilst lying down with two fingers on or just inside my anus (+ blindfold). Ditto for being wanked.

16. I love being bitten on the shoulder. This can be quite hard, particularly if it’s just as I’m coming.

17. I like being buried inside a vagina. I like having my tongue and mouth ground against - tiring! I like going down on a girl who’s lying down and having my arms wrapped up underneath both her legs and playing with her breasts. I love it if she holds my head and presses me in. I like being underneath someone. I like being held down.

18. I don’t like watching most porn, but I love photography of naked people of every shape and size.

19. I’ve given myself head before and I don’t enjoy it, because being bent over squashes your chest and means you can hardly breathe.

20. I have heard that most men need to stop having sex and have a break after they’ve come the first time, but mostly that’s not true for me. I come very quickly the first time after a while but afterwards can go as long as I need. With condoms it’s sometimes very hard to come. (But I always have safe sex until I’m in a very long relationship).

21. I like having sex on the floor. I like for a girl to be on top of me with my legs crossed and hers wrapped around me as I’m inside her.

22. I like being held from behind. When I sleep next to someone, I like to have pressure on my groin – either with it pressed against them or with them holding my cock.

23. If woken in the middle of the night I can be horny to the point of confusion – like, I don’t know, there’s not enough blood in my head to think.

24. Whenever I’ve had sex "doggy-style" I’ve wanted to laugh. I feel like I’m a bear or lion somehow and it feels wonderful and silly.

25. The best sex includes laughter.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

1. I am twenty-nine and female. I do not understand the concepts of queer, cis/trans-gendered/identified, zir, ze, etc. I am not stupid but I am not interested. I feel that these concepts, even if in rebellion against, are still responses to a culture in which gender politics are framed in the context of heteronormative relationships, and that... just doesn’t interest me. As a woman, as a lover, as a political being: I’m not concerned. Not because I don’t think it matters—it matters immensely—but because there is no rewarding and truthful way at the end to label something as intimate and experiential as sexuality, and gender.

2. If pressed, I suppose I am bisexual, though that doesn’t take into account the different ways in which I am attracted to anyone: men turn me on more than women, for example, and more of my sexual fantasies involve them, but I have always enjoyed sex with women more and am incredibly attracted to the female body from an aesthetic perspective. I have a large collection of softcore porn on my computer that I enjoy as I enjoy and think about art. How can the word "bisexual" explain all of this?

3. I don’t orgasm through PinV sex, but I enjoy it. I like the warmth and the closeness and the sensation of having something inside of me.

4. I love performing oral sex on either gender. I consider myself to be, and have been told that I am, very skilled, and am not only turned on by doing it but also feel proud in the same way I feel when I bake a good batch of cookies or write a draft of a promising poem. I also enjoy receiving it sometimes, but I have to trust my partner very, very much.

5. My sexual experience has been overwhelmingly heterosexual—ten male partners and three female. Would I like to have more experience with women? Yes. Am I going crazy because I’m not currently expressing that side of my sexuality? No, not really.

6. My best friend is a lesbian who believes that I am gay and have not figured it out yet, and because I dress somewhat androgynously—in a dapper, scholarly way—I am often "mistaken" for a lesbian. This does not bother me. When my friend and I are out together, people assume that we are a couple, and something about this pleases me, though not in a sexually arousing way.

7. My most sexually rewarding relationship was with a man I dated for almost two years, and lived with for under a year. He was assertive and, though not particularly kinky, knew what he wanted. Outside of the bedroom, we were rather unhappy and fought often. Now...

8. ...I am in a monogamous relationship with a man sixteen years my senior. Emotionally and intellectually, we are a perfect match. As a potential partner in life and child-raising, I can imagine no one better suited. But we rarely have sex, and when we do it is a stiffly-performed perfunctory act. At the same time, there is a great deal of unsatisfied sexual chemistry between us, a definite electricity, that even after three years together we have not yet figured out how to access. This frustrates me, but I am also hopeful that we will at some point break through.

9. Some of this is because we are both very timid in bed. It has taken me a very long time not to feel disturbed by and ashamed of my own sexual fantasies. I still have a hard time placing myself in my own sexual fantasies as an object of desire, and always feel ashamed and presumptuous even in my sexual imagination. This is frustrating and also somewhat absurd because I am regarded as an attractive young woman.

10. I love older men. I don’t mean that like some twenty-something women say that and mean men in their mid-thirties; I mean, I like men in their fifties and sixties, and not necessarily men who look "good for their age". Some of them aren’t even good-looking men, period. One of my biggest crushes right now is a doctor where I work. He is in his fifties, has white hair, and is short and thin. I cannot imagine his body being anything but white and slackly frail, and he has this little pinched, stiff-featured face. He does not have a pleasant personality, from what I’ve seen. Yet it’s exactly all of this—his age, his homeliness, and the fact that he is an Affluent White Guy—that turns me on.

11. One of my favorite sexual fantasies involves being watched, secretly, by an older man, such as the one described above. In the fantasy, I know that he is watching me masturbate and is aroused, but he does not know that I know. An extension of that involves me going down on the wife of such a man, having been seduced by her, while he secretly or openly watches.

12. A vast majority of my sexual experience has consisted of one-night stands or short-term "fuck-buddy" relationships. I find these to be very satisfying, and would prefer to be able to still have them. At the same time, I am too possessive of my partner to allow him the same, and I do not wish to cheat.

13. I am also interested in the idea of a polygamous relationship. Not an open one, but a relationship involving myself and two others, of any gender combination, who love one another as well as me, and whom I both love.

14. I have never done anything particularly kinky, but almost always end up having very, very rough sex. I just can’t keep it slow and easy.

15. Attractive male celebrities: Donald Sutherland, Christoph Waltz, Michael Fassbender, David Lynch. Attractive female celebrities: Cate Blanchett, Anjelica Huston, Myrna Loy, Debbie Harry.

16. There’s clearly a very D/s theme to my fantasies, but I’m not interested in many of the things like restraint, blindfolding, etc. I AM into being spanked, and have always enjoyed it.

17. The first boy I kissed was my cousin. I also touched his penis. I didn’t want to do any of those things, but did not resist. Now I resent him, even though we were both the same age (early adolescence), and he never coerced me. Later, in high school, a friend (or a boy who, until that day, was a friend) tried to rape me. We had been in my bedroom, just hanging out, which we’d done many times before. I shoved him off of me and out of my room. It has taken me a long time to accept that no, it was not my fault, just because I’d allowed him into my room.

18. I resent the fact that some may view my sexual fantasies as being disempowering, or "not feminist." Accepting one’s sexual imagination is one of the most significant acts of self-empowerment that an individual can perform, whether or not one is overtly a figure of power in those fantasies. I think it’s bizarre and exclusionary to label some fantasies as being "more" or "less" politically correct than others. I also think that such an attitude fails to acknowledge the intricacies of power exchange in relationships in which one partner is only apparently dominant, and the other only apparently submissive.

19. Penises are beautiful. I especially love erections concealed by and/or felt through cloth. That’s one of the sexiest things I can think of.

20. Sometimes when I masturbate my most powerful orgasms occur when I am not thinking about sex but an idea/concept/art, intense weather, or listening carefully to good music. I have to even "remind" myself to think sexual thoughts. I also masturbate to keep warm at night, because my room gets very cold. For me, it is a functional act that helps me to relax and to clear my head, and is not always sexual. But I revel in it most (even if I do not have a great orgasm) when I am thinking dirty thoughts, and thinking of my body as a sexual being and/or object.

21. I am much more uncomfortable talking about my sexuality with others than I expected, but I think it’s good for me.

22. I was an obese teenager, peaking at 240 lbs at 5’6" in the tenth grade. I wore a U.S. size 18/20. I have since then lost most of that weight, currently 160 and size 8, but my breasts, which are still quite large, will always sag, and my lower stomach will always hang low. I have only in the last year or so come to recognize that despite that my body is OK.

23. I’d like to be photographed in the nude. Not because I’d want anyone to see the pictures or to have them, but because I’d just like to see what I look like through an eye that is not constantly self-critical, neurotic, and self-loathing. I have a secret suspicion that I am actually quite sexy in the nude but have no "proof".

24. I like looking, and I like being looked at. My current partner closes his eyes during sex, and I wish he wouldn’t. He is also very quiet, even when he is enjoying himself very much, and this bothers me as well. I am actually quite loud. When I first began having sex I was astonished by the fact that I actually sounded, quite instinctively, like women I’d seen in pornography.

25. The most powerful erotic dream I’ve ever had was about Groucho Marx. I also have a great many sexual dreams about Alfred Molina—at least, a great many in proportion to how often I think about him in day-to-day life, which is... not ever, unless I’m actively watching him in a movie and thinking to myself, "why do I have so many dirty dreams about this dude?"

Monday, January 7, 2013

1. I am a 50-year old heterosexual male.

2. I was VERY socially awkward when I was young, and this included my relationships with women. Or, to put it another way, I was a real jerk.

3. Fortunately for me, I was a very athletic, good-looking young man, and many young women were attracted to me. So I had many opportunities to learn not to be such a jerk.

4. I have had sex of some sort (that is, some deliberate, consensual, erotic contact with the genitals) with 33 women. Yes, I have a list.

5. I had oral sex with almost all of those women, and full intercourse with about half of them. Only one of the was a one-night stand.

6. 30 of those women were in a period of 8 years, when I was between 20 and 30 years old. 10 of them were in the year before I met number 31.

7. One of them was 10 years older than me. One of them was six years younger than me.

8. I "lost my virginity" with number 3. I was 22 years old at the time.

9. Only one of my sexual relationships lasted more than a few months.

10. I have been living (unmarried) with number 31 for over 20 years now. Our sex life was very satisfactory for about 12 years, but there has been a lot of frustration for me over the past 8 years. Untill recently, we still had sex about once a week, and it was nice, but became rather routine.

11. We are both in very good health and very fit. She is still very attractive to me. But, for the past year, I have had difficulty getting and maintaining erections in sex with her. Viagra does not help much. I have begun to wonder if I have become too accustomed to her and wonder if I would react differently with a different woman.

12. Number 32 was in a foursome with number 31 and another couple. That was a very long time ago. We haven't done anything like that for over 15 years now.

13. We had several encounters with that couple. There was never any PIV sex across couples, but we touched and licked each other's partners, including my lover sucking the other man while I fucked her.

14. I found I enjoyed sex with the other woman... but was very uncomfortable kissing her (she asked me to).

15. Number 33 was the only time I ever cheated on number 31. It was a threesome with a couple while on business trip away from home. There was no male-male sex involved, just the two of us men giving her many orgasms. I did not fuck the woman or go down on her or kiss her... but I did finger her to several orgasms. She sucked me while being fucked by her husband, and took pride in swallowing my semen. It was fun, and I do not regret it.

16. That threesome was my only "one-night stand." Every other person I had sex with was someone that I had met at least once before or saw at least once after.

17. I am not homophobic. I have nothing against gays and some male-on-male porn very erotic. But the thought of kissing a man kind of grosses me out.

18. My favorite fantasy is a threesome with my partner and another man. I would love to go down on both of them while they fuck. She shows no real interest in this scenario, but I have not given up hope that we may actually do this some day.

19. Receiving oral sex is nice, but I would usually rather fuck. On the other hand, I love going down on a woman.

20. I'd like to try sucking a cock.

21. I have tried (giving) anal and don't much care for it. But I do like to lick my lover's anus (when it is freshly washed!).

22. I love nude beaches. Contrary to the "official nudist" philosophy, going to a nude beach is definitely a sexual experience for me. I love looking at all the naked bodies... mostly the women, but I can admire an exceptional male body too.

23. Fortunately for me, my lover of the past 20 years loves nude beaches too.

24. I spend many hours every week reading and watching porn of all sorts. I don't like most professional porn, but the quality of most amateur videos is terrible so I prefer amateur pictures and written porn.

25. I worry about the amount of time I spend browsing porn

Saturday, January 5, 2013

1. I am a 21 year old, cisgendered, bisexual female from Texas. Only a few people know about the bisexual part.

2. I am married, and have been for over a year now. This has vastly diminished how much sex I have. I'm not pleased by this.

3. I got pregnant when I was 18 and had twin boys. This has also vastly diminished how much sex I have. I'm not pleased by this.

4. I love to fuck. Given the option, I'd rather be having sex. If it were legal and if there were fewer risks involved, being a sex worker sounds highly appealing, simply because I could get paid doing something I enjoy.

5. I was raised Catholic, to be pure and wait to have sex until marriage.  I was shamed for wanting birth control, even after having children. As a married woman, I am still shamed somewhat by my parents if I even remotely refer to using birth control. I was also raised that homosexuality was deviant and evil. I was taught that masturbation was bad and sinful. I was taught that in order to preserve other people's purity, I should always dress modestly.

6. I was around eleven when I started masturbating. I've never felt ashamed of it, even though I was taught that I should be. My parents installed a hand-held shower head when I was 10 and I discovered that it was instrumental in making me feel very VERY good. My first sexual thoughts that I can remember were about several characters from "The Lord of the Rings."

7. Up until last year, I thought I was a virgin until I met my husband. I now know that I lost my virginity to a 18-year-old girl when I was 14. It was extremely pleasant.

8. I have identified as bisexual since I was 15.

9. My first PIV sex was with the man who is now my husband when I was 18. I was his first in all respects. After three years, he has gotten remarkably good in bed. The first time we had sex, a robot fell on my head. It was NOT good for me. It was great for him. Mostly I just find it hilarious.

10. I have been the first kiss of at least 5 different males. I am indifferent about this. Most first kisses are only magical because you don't know they get better.

11. The first time I saw a naked man, it was because I came over to his house and he answered the door naked. I was 17 and I was NOT pleased. He got dressed quickly and then I came inside and we watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

12. After having children, I am now an avid supporter of feminism, sex-positivity and birth control. My parents hate this, but mostly we try not to discuss it.

13. My favorite thing to do during high school was entice as many guys as possible. I loved how they looked at me and loved being kissed and touched and wanted.

14. With this in mind, I love being in control and being controlled. It just depends on the day.

15. I had sex 8 times in one day. It was enjoyable. I think I came 6 out of 8 times.

16. I've never used a vibrator or a dildo. I assume I'd enjoy it, but I'm pretty broke most days, so I haven't been able to really think about purchasing anything in specific.

17. Getting pregnant at 18 and then married 2 years later meant that I didn't get to get a lot of my crazy out. My husband gets this and I appreciate it. It just is very very hard sometimes. I've only ever had sex with one man. I would really like to see what it is like with a multitude of other people. I have no idea if I will or not. It is just very frustrating being 21 and horny all the time.

18. I love getting oral sex. I've received from three people and the women definitely outshine the man. My husband isn't a big fan, so it rarely happens, which is also quite frustrating. I also enjoy giving. I love hearing and feeling the tension and release, the ebbs and flows.

19. I'm not a fan of porn. I don't hate it (and I have some huge issues with the industry), but for the most part, it doesn't turn me on. True queer porn can turn me on, on occasion. I love the sounds but rarely like what I see. I prefer erotic literature, and there is some fantastic stuff! However, I have to delete my history constantly, because apparently I like to read really, really bad stuff. It is embarrassing. This is one of the few parts of my sexuality that I have issues accepting.

20. I am very afraid of being outed as being bisexual to my mother. Terrified.

21. I was raped when I was 20. My therapist at the time told me that he must have been provoked by my immodesty and his frustration with his life. I haven't gone back to see her in a while and I have only just begun to make his life hell.

22. I miss having sex with girls.

23. I've had to be quiet while having sex my entire sexual life. I HATE it. The few times I haven't had to be, I love groans and screams. I want to hear my partner's sounds as well. It gets me off so well.

24. I've never been in a threesome. I'd love to try it sometime. It sounds awesome.

25. I am not even slightly interested in anal sex. Fortunately, neither is anyone else I've ever slept with.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

1.) I’m a straight white cis-male in his mid-thirties, and my sex life is basically just a series of contradictions.

2.) I’m 6’4” and around 200 pounds. I like the sound of that, but in reality I’m fairly lanky. I’ve always had a lot of self image issues that have really done a number on my sex life.  It’s really hard for me to escape the definition of being an ugly guy. I look at myself in the mirror and I don’t see how I’m ugly, but somehow I accepted that’s how other people see me.  They just see me as being a taller version of Bill Gates despite the fact that I have really good hygiene and I keep my hair short (just like it that way). 

3.) I don’t think most guys have a good grasp on their sexuality. The sheer social programming alone forces most guys into a default role. There are no bonus points for guys who experiment. If you’re not completely straight or gay then you have to be really careful about what you say to a girl. Even if most girls won’t admit this; they see any homosexuality as a weakness in their mate, and it messes with their submissive headspace. I don’t blame them because they don’t consciously do this. It’s not that they don’t want their heart/bodies to be as open as their mind. In a lot of ways I think I’ve just become frustrated with it. Lets just say I have a tremendous amount of respect and admiration for girls who truly reject gender roles and are open to sexual parters who don’t fit the stereotypical roles.

4.) I identify with being a switch, but in reality it's easier for me to be dominant. Not just easier because I’m used to being in control, but it's easier because the girls tend to be submissive. I really want a girl to take control in the bedroom just once to see what it feels like. To have them set aside all insecurity and just hump the fuck out of my face. I would be so much better at pleasing a girl if they were as open and assertive as I am when it comes to sex. Although it is getting better as I date older girls who have a more developed sexuality, and aren't nearly as submissive.

5.) Every girl I’ve had any sexual contact with her either been raped or sexually molested, and it's always been hard for me to process it. I’ve promised to treat them as being pure, and not as a victim. At one point I really felt like my fate was to eventually kill one of the bastards that did that to them. I know that it's often cyclical, and it points to a bigger social problem. These days I’m just a huge advocate for sex education, and in trying to identify problems early on. What if people learned what sex really was? Where they didn’t learn it from porn?

6.)  I don’t know exactly when I started to masturbate. I’m sure I started out like most boys where it just felt good to hump the bed a little while laying on my stomach. It just slowly started to progress more and more till I had my hands wrapped around my penis and pulling sheets under it.

7.) I’m kinda embarrassed to admit the fact that I didn’t really correctly masturbate until high school. I’m not sure when I eventually figured out you were supposed to be on your back with your hand around your cock.

8.) I never put my finger in my ass while masturbating. It’s pretty fucked up because I like it when a girl does it. For some reason I’m obsessed with the idea of saving it.

9.) When it really comes down to it, I’m a hedonist more than simply being a sexual person. I like indulgences, and I fail to see why sex shouldn’t play a central role.

10.) I’ve been single for my entire life, and the closest I got to a relationship was a long-distance thing that lasted for way longer than it should have. I think she would agree with that, but at the same time I think we’re both grateful that it happened. I see it as something that had a profound effect on me. Just the idea that it could happen, and I wasn’t a completely broken person.

11.) I’m obsessed with the idea of a regular sex partner. Just someone who comes over once a week, and we play around. I see it as the ultimate form of a crutch. Just some way to make it by, even though I know relationship-wise my entire life is a train wreck. I don’t even care if I have to pay for it as long as I’m not completely paying for it. I want the money to be just a bridge between my age and her age (probably much younger), and our looks. I don’t want some escort, or some prostitute, but just some college girl who likes sex and likes money. I put the value on this at $1000-$1500 a month. It’s kinda fucked up that it turns me on, but I know it's a terrible idea. Any time you mix sex and money, everything gets so manipulative.  In so many ways its just self-inflicted pain, and I’m not even a masochist. I’ve gone to a web site, but I just can’t bring myself to fill out a profile. In a lot of ways it would be like giving up.

12.) Related to Number 11 is the fact that I’m greatly turned on by the idea of reluctance. The idea that a girl sorta likes someone, but needs something extra to push her. Like having a girl over and she knows $1000 is sitting on the dresser. Will she take it in the morning or will she leave it? How will she feel about herself if she takes it? I have the control if she takes it, but if she leaves it then she strips me of all control. She takes my crutch away and leaves me in unfamiliar territory. I want this fantasy to go away, but I can’t deny how hard it makes me.

13.) I like the idea of sex probably more than sex itself. I hate the idea of sex as being some expectation. I’d rather tie a girl up and leave her open and wanting than simply giving into the expectation that I’m just going to fuck her like last week or the week before.

14.) Years ago I kept a strap-on under my bed hoping to find a girl that would try it on me. At some point I gave up on a girl ever doing it right so I threw it away. The lasting memory from it was a girl laughing way too much when she had it on to do anything.

15.) Sometimes I think I have an unhealthy obsession with the idea of a girl. That I’ve romanticized girls way too much, and given them way too much power. After all, people are people regardless of the gender, but there is just something so alluring to a girl. 

16.) When I was younger I wanted to be tied up and stripped by a bunch of girls. I still do, even though I know it would never translate to real life. Just being a boy toy that a girl could abuse turns me on greatly. Bonus points if they make me suck a cock in front of them. Just showing them that weakness, and being forced to deal with the shame I felt. Even though I know there is absolutely nothing shameful about sucking a cock. It’s just sex, and at some point I’d probably laugh about it.

17.) I envy how girls can be objectified. I know this is a terrible thing, and it’s undeniable how much harm it does to girls. But, at the same time it’s just so powerful. The idea that someone wants to see you naked. As a guy unless you’re an Adonis you’re basically just comedic relief. Most CFNM porn should be renamed as extremely funny comedy. I’m sure if I watched it with a girl she’d be laughing hysterically.

18.) I’m obsessed with my own cock. I love the shape, the size and the look of it. I love how angry it gets sometimes. Once a girl even had the gall to say that it was tragic that it didn’t get out and play more--that it was stuck on some engineer's body who had terrible people skills. Sometimes it does let me down. The angry full-blown baseball bat imitation doesn’t happen all the time. I’m sure it's some chemical thing that only peaks for a few days a month, or if there is a particular girl that is making me really horny.

19.) I’m obsessed with blow jobs, and I’ll never be with a girl who doesn’t take it into her mouth. I also love giving oral, so I don’t see any issue with this.

20.) I’m a monogamous person at heart, but I’ve completely rejected monogamy in my own life. I want the people in the relationship to define what the relationship is, and not just some construct, some idealistic bullshit we're supposed to match up to. I’ll never leave a girl if she is sick, or has cancer, or anything else. I’m the most dedicated guy a girl will ever find, but that doesn’t mean I’ll be monogamous sex-wise. I think it really just comes down to being honest with each other. Honest about our needs and our intentions. You’re supposed to love the person for who they are.

21.) I never see the doctor unless there is something wrong with my cock. I had a hernia once, and so I went to see the doctor because it made my cock look bad. I secretly wonder if my rather intense masturbation didn’t help cause it. The easiest way to get me to see the doctor is to deny me sex. Yes, I know this is silly, but doctors scare the crap out of me.

22.) I love girls that see themselves as a slut or embrace their own sexuality (which is the same thing), and they don’t feel ashamed of it.  For whatever reason, I see the MFM threesome as being the graduation point into sluthood. Yes, even I can admit that might be silly, but I like it. It’s that act because of the intimacy and the double penetration. Bonus points if the guys are friends and they shared her despite the competitive nature the two friends have.

23.) I have a thing for girls in the 18-22 range. Some will say it's abusive, and some will say I’m stuck in my past. But it's just such a beautiful thing to see a girl discover something. It’s like teaching someone how to drive. To teach them the beauty of accepting pleasure. If I’m ever with a young girl again, I’m going to do a brilliant job teaching them. Or maybe I’ll just give it up because it’s impossible, or I’m better suited to girls in the 25-35 range.

24.) I don’t personally use sex toys on myself, but I’m in the process of designing sex toys for use in orgasm recording and denial (EKG type stuff). I’m fascinated by the idea of knowing someone is being pleasured by the the brain waves they give off.

25.) I don’t drink or do drugs. I’m not against those things, but they just don’t do anything for me. I do kinda wonder, though, how much it's cost me in terms of sexual exploration.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

1) I am a 19 year old cis-female. I generally think of myself as feminine, but I love men's fashion and occasionally like to cross-dress without changing my feminine hairstyle; button up shirts are almost all I own.

2) I identify as asexual. It took me a long time to realize that aesthetic attraction and sexual attraction are not the same. While I identify as ace, I do maintain a romantic orientation as homoromantic, but recently I've been questioning the validity of that; Sometimes I feel like I could give guys a chance, but perhaps it's just that I like the idea of being with a man more than actually being with one.

3) I am a virgin. I've never been kissed. I've never been in a relationship. It's not that I completely lack self-esteem, but rather I don't really understand the dynamics involved with "dating" or "being in a relationship". I can't seem to relate to other people because of that, and it's possibly because the concepts of love and sex are so heavily intertwined in their representation within society and because I picture them as separate I have to ultimately reevaluate my understanding to fit in, and this just hasn't been working.

4) I wish I had a girlfriend, but I'm not out and I don't know when I'll be more open about who I am. It's not because I'm ashamed, it's because I just can't handle the awkwardness associated with people knowing such personal information about me. Why is it anyone else's business? The question is not usually brought up anyway, as I appear and identify as female so I can easily pass through society; I can easily be invisible. But this has caused me to be more lonely than I would like.

5) I am not against sex. I am a very sex-positive person: it's a large part of society and people do it and so it needs to be and should be discussed. However, when I picture myself having sex I feel disgusted. I am repulsed at the thought of me having sex with a man, but I feel as though I might be able to tolerate it if it's with a woman; if I really loved her, I would accommodate her needs as best as I am able. I'm just not sure I would be able to receive pleasure from her. The thought makes me extremely apprehensive.

6) I have frequent periods in which I feel like sex is just whatever and I don't care about it. Which for the most part is all the time. However, this feeling is more like my body is disposable and others may use it freely, as opposed to not caring about sex and equally not wanting it. It's like I feel a separation from myself, my opinions, my interests and everything else that makes me who I am, and can just detach myself from my repulsion of sex for a brief period in order to pleasure someone else. Sometimes it scares me how unemotional and unfeeling I am about myself in this regard.

7) I do get turned on. I do masturbate (and I do it quite frequently). I do it when I'm stressed, or when I feel upset, or when I'm lonely; asexuality is a large spectrum and there is so much diversity that the only formal definition agreed upon in the community is lack of sexual attraction. Some aces do masturbate, some don't. Some have a lot of sex, others are virgins.

8) I get so nervous when talking to pretty girls. I just can't function properly, and I don't know why. I feel like maybe I come off as a try-hard when this happens, but I just can't tell. If I like a girl, I typically try to avoid her as much as I can. Right now, my current interest is someone who I used to not be interested in (I don't really become interested in friends, but rather acquaintances who I idealize), but lately as I've gotten to know her she has shown to be an incredibly intelligent, absolutely beautiful and highly interesting young woman. And as a friend, I can't really avoid her, so I am slowly learning how to be less awkward in my mannerisms around girls.

9) Before I discovered what asexuality was, I used to feel like something was wrong with me. Growing up Catholic, you are taught that sex is a natural thing in a heterosexual marriage and that it's the epitome of love within the confines of that marriage. I don't want sex and I don't want to get married, and this is essentially denying the factor that makes you human in the eyes of God. I felt subhuman, less than, inferior. I hated myself. Sometimes I still feel guilty.

10) Growing up as a female, I've encountered sexism from a young age. I felt caged and pressured to conform when I would have to dress up to attend formal balls and banquets; my appearance was put on the utmost pedestal, all because men view women as child-bearing trophies. I hated it: I hated the atmosphere of snobby girls silently judging me, I hated the slow dancing and the gross breath of my date whispering in my ear as he tried to put his hands a little too low for comfort, and I hated the shitty food that was served, too. I withdrew into myself and kept quiet for a long time thereafter, because I felt like my opinions and thoughts were being trampled on, and I wasn't being heard.

11) Sometimes I wake up in the morning and just have this undeniable urge to call up a girl on my contacts, invite her over, and have sex with her. I want to fuck her brains out. I can't help it: there are days (it's sporadic) where I wake up unbelievably horny, and taking care of it myself is so tiresome because I have to go at it for a very long time. I have to orgasm at least 3 times in order to satisfy the urge, and it'd just be easier if I let out my pent-up sexual frustration on a girl in a way that's most pleasurable and exciting to her.

12) I have watched porn before, but I don't really enjoy it. I have a love-hate relationship with it: Mentally, it does absolutely nothing for me, I don't find it pleasing to watch. I find it repulsive, grotesque and inherently misogynist, but after I watch it, my body responds to it in the completely opposite way and I notice that I become extremely wet after watching it. It's like there's this disconnect with my body and my brain, and I don't understand why that happens. I feel so guilty about it, and I hate not being able to have control over how my body reacts to certain things.

13) I think I have a fear of relationships, but I would really like to experience one soon. I just want someone to be there. No talking, no sex, nothing. I want someone to just enjoy the silence with me and cuddle with me in the park or on our bed. Not even sleeping, just a comfortable silence. Unfortunately, I don't think my chances of finding a girl like that are very high.

14) I am deathly afraid that I will never be touched the way I would like to be.

15) I get bored easily with crushes, because I assume (from past experiences) that they will never happen. I'm scared that with my first girlfriend, I'll become bored of her quickly, and that's not fair to her. She doesn't deserve that.

16) I am platonically attracted to guys. I wish I could have a really close guy friend without him wanting (or expecting) something more, but so far that hasn't been the case. I would also really enjoy hugging and hand-holding with guys, but nothing more. No kissing, no caressing, nothing. This is where the confusion sets in about my romantic orientation. I really, really enjoy the comfort and feeling I get when I hug guys and when I can smell the lavender scent of detergent in their clothes. I wish I could just be in their arms forever, sometimes.

17) I feel scared when I get close to girls. I always feel like there's some kind of tension, and I can't really place my finger on what. It's not a sexual tension, because I'm not sexually attracted to them. I just don't know what it is.

18) If a close female friend ever started to get overly touchy, start breathing on my neck, touch my thigh, I would get turned on. My body is so sensitive and so receptive to touch that I could probably orgasm from just that. The underside of my wrists are the most sensitive part of my body: I will get an orgasm just from light traces along my wrist, dragged up my forearm.

19) I am overly sweet on my female friends, and I bend over backwards just to help them out even if it inconveniences me. I don't expect anything in return, I just feel powerless sometimes when it comes to girls; I don't ever want them to feel the way I do - that their concerns aren't important enough or that my thoughts don't matter. But this makes me feel weak-willed and I feel like I end up being used and it's my own fault. But I just can't help it.

20) After I masturbate at night, I feel incredibly lonely and I often wish that I had a girl to cuddle with in the dark. I wish we could lay there facing each other, and my eyes would adjust to the darkness and the first thing I'd be able to see is the outline of her face and then the curve of her lips.

21) With most friends, I maintain a disinterested view on sex. If a sexual topic comes up, I stay silent or say "eww." I just don't feel comfortable talking about it; years of conservative upbringing and sexism have taught me that sex is a not a subject that should be discussed in public, or discussed from a women's viewpoint, much less. However, with closer friends that I happen to be out to, sex brings up very interesting debates that I find myself to really enjoy; my thoughts on sex just don't seem to match what I show to other people, and I'm trying to fix that in order to be more comfortable with talking about it to friends that I am not out to.

22) When I was young, about 6 or 7, I believe I was sexually assaulted by a doctor. The memory is really fuzzy, but I do remember being at the doctor's office, my mom sitting in the chair, and the male doctor examining my private area for about 10 seconds. There was no penetration. I'm not really sure what kind of illness would warrant that kind of conduct, and I remember the door was left open and the nurse was in there and she turned the computer screen towards me. I honestly can't really remember a whole lot about the incident. A few days later I do remember riding in the front seat of the car and hearing on the radio about a doctor who was arrested because he sexually assaulted a ton of children and had child pornography on his computer and my mom then changed the radio station. I've never talked to her about it because it's too faint of a memory to recall. I feel like it may be a repressed memory or something. I will probably not talk about it to anyone.

23) While I sometimes identify as lesbian, I don't feel accepted or wanted by the LGBT community because I'm ace; it's a heavily sexualized community and I don't feel like I fit in anywhere within it. I don't feel welcome.

24) I feel like if I ever were to have sex, I'd be a good lover. I feel like I take direction very well and be attentive to her needs in order to make her experience as good as possible.

25) If I were to choose between sex or cake I would most likely choose cake every time.

Monday, December 17, 2012