1. I am a 35-year-old, happily married, mother of one teenage girl who is secretly experimenting with other girls. I do not have a clue how to broach the subject with her to let her know that I care enough to want to know, but I don't care in the way to judge her for it, I just want her to be happy and healthy, including sexually.
2. I was only monogamous in my marriage for about a year; it was hubby's suggestion, but I had many more extramarital opportunities than he did for about a decade. Now, 16 years later, I'm dating another man while remaining married, and have an occasional liaison on the side. Everyone involved knows about the others, and all but one of the partners I've had still stays in touch with me regularly, or at least as regularly as they normally had before sex was added to our friendships. This is a fact that I'm proud of.
3. I have not told my daughter of our lifestyle choice, because a) it's not her business, and b) I did not want to deal with the possibility it would make her upset. Her father favors telling her now, I don't know that giving her that while she's definitely feeling out who she is sexually is a good mix for her to deal with.
4. I definitely have a kink for having sex with someone that is desperate. Many of the fantasies online I've taken part in have involved men that are in sexless or near-sexless marriages with wives that seem to have no idea how good they could feel if they'd just participate in the act. Of course I know there's always another side to this story, but if sex isn't happening, and he's willing, there's definitely something wrong going on in her decision making. But I get very turned on by being what they want, not because it's taboo, or because they are desperate, but because I find the release they get from it exciting. I like being their outlet, for lack of a better word, not just for the obvious but usually for their intimacy and general acceptance.
5. I have never actually seen porn that I like, probably because it's too explicit, and my imagination doesn't require seeing tab A sliding into slot B in order to get warm fuzzy feelings. Also, 1970's music and delivery guys do not get me hot. I will amend this: I haven't seen any that I like because it gets me all hot and bothered. However, some sex scenes in mainstream movies do get me hot, usually because they do make me get warm fuzzy feelings.
6. I can watch some porn and get ideas about what I'd like to do or how to accomplish something I would like to do but couldn't figure out the logistics for. For example, I love the idea of being fucked, and having another guy licking my clit, which, yes, does pose a possibility that his tongue could touch the male fucking me in some way, even possibly his dick/balls. So finding some porn that at least gave a good angle for the fucking to happen so that a third person could get to my clit was nice to find, since none of the men I'm with are interested in other men.
7. I love to fantasize about a lot of things that I do not in any way want to really do. I would like the pleasure from the act, sure, but the consequences are not worth it. For example, I love the idea of really seducing someone that I've known for a long time, has a thing for me, but does not act on it because he's in a committed relationship. I do not want to ruin his life, I just want to know the pleasure of having the power to seduce a man that I do believe IS committed. Also, I love the idea of having multiple men come on and in me everywhere, and having it licked off, but obviously exposing myself and every one else to that much bodily fluids could be dangerous, especially considering the group of men I'd feel comfortable with joining in.
8. I've never had a one-night stand or been interested in having sex with someone I just met. Nor do I want to have sex without ever knowing someone's name.
9. I do not know how I would react if I was in a threesome with two other men that decided to enjoy each other. I'd like to think I could enjoy it at least on the level that I was happy for them, but I fear I'd feel awkward, possibly just because then I'd be left out.
10. I am horrible with spontaneity, which means if I ask my partner to do something I've probably thought it over for weeks in my head first, so if I hear a no, it's kind of a letdown. But what's worse is hearing a yes, and then watching as opportunity after opportunity is passed by because in the moment I'm not able to form words to give directions and the partner I'm with is forgetful and just enjoying whatever in the moment as well and I never get to have what I've specifically asked for until I'm too frustrated to want it anymore.
11. Sometimes I find myself just wanting to be wanted in the same way I want sex, and having to tell someone to do what I want takes away all the fun. I see that as a really bad issue of my own, and I don't take out my feelings on others, but I can't stop wanting that sometimes. (Which makes #10 even worse when I do give the specifics and still can't get what I want.)
12. My husband's penis is shorter than some I've had, but it has a very bulbous head. My boyfriend's penis is larger, shaped differently and uncircumcised. I've had bigger penises and smaller, and I've had lovers that were more and less attentive. I don't know which one I liked more, because I have different sexual tastes sometimes, and I do not always want to need to come to feel like it was "good sex." I am very happy to have the memories of all of them.
13. I have a very hard time making myself come without a lot of mental stimulation from someone else, usually in the form of telling me how much they want me specifically. If they send me pictures, showing me how hard they are, or how much they came for me, then I can get hot from that. So I have usually played more online than actually masturbating.
14. I love to suck cock. I love pre-come. I love the throbbing. I love the way it feels against my lips and tongue. I like to suck until the man is almost at climax and slow down and do that several times before I let them come, because I want to feel all of it for longer than they can stand me doing it for.
15. I like to be eaten out, but I refuse to demand it. If you like doing it, then great, please do and if you seem to do it fairly often and then stop I'll suggest that it's time, but if you rarely do so, and years go by without it being something you had a desire to do to me, I'm not going to ask you for it, even if I do want it, because it just feels awful.
16. I like having the option to use men I'm with like sex objects with their approval and consent. However, I only like doing so because I know the person they are very well, and I know their backgrounds and all the things that make them a whole real person attached to the cock, hands and tongue that I'm taking advantage of, and that is what makes using them as sex toys for my amusement fun. They are more than that, but I can still do what I want. And I know it gets them off so well.
17. I love pleasing my partner. I'm very submissive mentally, but I can be very aggressive in bed. I like it most, I think, when the control flip-flops throughout the encounter, or it's shared for some part of the time as well. I like to switch positions often.
18. I love teasing my partner, finding what he wants most and dangling it just in front of him and keeping him from it, until he just can't take it any more. And the best reward would be for him to 'snap' and grab me and fuck me senseless regardless of what he was supposed to do because he was just delirious with lust.
19. My biggest insecurity is for the man that I'm with to be getting off because of someone or something else besides me. So I can't bring myself to have sex while someone else watches porn. However, because I'm sensible I have offered to give a blowjob while he watches the porn. Because I think I can find enjoyment there for myself, without feeling the inadequacy that the full-on experience causes me.
20. I have had one ongoing female sexual fantasy. It started suddenly with someone I knew online, and then ended abruptly, and it was very enjoyable, but I can't explain why I enjoyed it or that I find any female sexually attractive. None of my usual traits I look for when attracted to men applied. She didn't make me laugh, I didn't find her particularly intelligent, and she wasn't really even nice. She just sort of grabbed me and started playing with my body. And I enjoyed it.
21. I have had one female "partner," but the only shared activity is that she has sucked on my tits. I was with her boyfriend, she was with mine, all on the same bed, but I don't have any desire to return the favor, so I had a hard time just allowing her to do to my body what she desired, because it seemed unfair.
22. I have awesome tits, a great smile, and I like my curves. However, I'm a bit self conscious about the stretch marks from having a baby and weight gain afterward. But I do not allow that to stop me from showing off what I want to show off when I want to.
23. I have never had a problem having sex with my husband, even going back to when we were just dating, while I was on my period. The first time, I of course warned him off; he didn't care and I didn't see a reason why I should either. Now I still feel kind of gross and disgusting, and I'm in more pain now that I'm older than I once was, so I have not given the boyfriend the same go-ahead. I don't for some reason feel as comfortable, despite him never giving me any reason to feel uncomfortable. In fact, he's offered to do whatever I wanted to.
24. I have the sex drive of about 2.5 average men. I want to have sex about 3 times a day. When I get up, when I get home from the workday, and again when I go to sleep. I don't always have the energy to work the male up into a frenzy for it and do things that I want to do, so I rarely get it at least once a day, but every other day instead. I'll deal with that, but I find myself trying to work out how to get more sex.
25. I try to challenge my sexuality, so that I can honestly say to myself I like something because I really like it, or I don't like something because I don't really like it. I don't want to like or not like something simply because society or someone else told me I should or shouldn't. Sometimes I find myself wishing I could like something to please my partner. But obviously no matter how open-minded I am, I can't force my body to take pleasure where there is none, and I need to find a way to accept that, the same as I accept what other people like and dislike as OK too.
Friday, February 11, 2011
1. I’m a 38-year-old Scandinavian woman. I identify as heterosexual.
2. I’m scared of sex.
3. I lost my virginity at 30.
4. I’ve only ever had sex with two men.
5. I hate penetration. I have (according to me and my gynecologist) a very small vagina and penetration (even the smallest sized tampons) is painful.
6. I hate how feeling defective because of my vagina has kept me from experimenting sexually, and I hate how the men I’ve been with have made me feel like a problem that needs to be solved.
7. I love receiving oral sex. It makes me feel sexy and loved. If I could find a man who was happy just eating pussy I’d be in heaven.
8. I want to meet a man who thinks of sex as a conversation between two people and not a sport or a show you put on.
9. I wish I was a lesbian. I like women more than I like men, but unfortunately I’m not sexually attracted to women.
10. I fantasize about both women and men.
11. I’m really good at masturbating. I do it 4-8 times a week and I can make myself come again and again and again.
12. I feel really sexy when I menstruate. I masturbate like crazy during my period.
13. I don’t have a type and I don’t believe in types.
14. I like kissing after receiving oral sex. I taste good!
15. I love my breasts. Love, love, love them.
16. I like being naked. I model for an artist and I love seeing my naked body in paint on the gallery wall.
17. The soles of my feet are one of my erogenous zones. Caress them and the sensation goes straight up my legs.
18. Scent is a turn on for me. A good, clean, natural scent. If I had a boyfriend I’m guessing I’d be nuzzling in his armpit a lot.
19. I sometimes daydream about strangers sticking their hands up my skirt in public places like libraries and restaurants. I’m sure I’d hate it in real life but it’s a nice fantasy.
20. I’m super vanilla. I get off on tenderness more than anything else. And I’m a sucker for compliments.
21. I don’t like dirty talk and I don’t like baby talk. I just want someone to tell me I’m lovely.
22. I like to wear 50’s underwear like stockings, garters and heels. They make me feel sexy.
23. I don’t care for pornography (as in videos) but I love erotic still photography.
24. I think men’s bodies are beautiful.
25. I’m hoping this year will be the year I start experimenting with sexuality, and stop worrying about being seen as strange.
2. I’m scared of sex.
3. I lost my virginity at 30.
4. I’ve only ever had sex with two men.
5. I hate penetration. I have (according to me and my gynecologist) a very small vagina and penetration (even the smallest sized tampons) is painful.
6. I hate how feeling defective because of my vagina has kept me from experimenting sexually, and I hate how the men I’ve been with have made me feel like a problem that needs to be solved.
7. I love receiving oral sex. It makes me feel sexy and loved. If I could find a man who was happy just eating pussy I’d be in heaven.
8. I want to meet a man who thinks of sex as a conversation between two people and not a sport or a show you put on.
9. I wish I was a lesbian. I like women more than I like men, but unfortunately I’m not sexually attracted to women.
10. I fantasize about both women and men.
11. I’m really good at masturbating. I do it 4-8 times a week and I can make myself come again and again and again.
12. I feel really sexy when I menstruate. I masturbate like crazy during my period.
13. I don’t have a type and I don’t believe in types.
14. I like kissing after receiving oral sex. I taste good!
15. I love my breasts. Love, love, love them.
16. I like being naked. I model for an artist and I love seeing my naked body in paint on the gallery wall.
17. The soles of my feet are one of my erogenous zones. Caress them and the sensation goes straight up my legs.
18. Scent is a turn on for me. A good, clean, natural scent. If I had a boyfriend I’m guessing I’d be nuzzling in his armpit a lot.
19. I sometimes daydream about strangers sticking their hands up my skirt in public places like libraries and restaurants. I’m sure I’d hate it in real life but it’s a nice fantasy.
20. I’m super vanilla. I get off on tenderness more than anything else. And I’m a sucker for compliments.
21. I don’t like dirty talk and I don’t like baby talk. I just want someone to tell me I’m lovely.
22. I like to wear 50’s underwear like stockings, garters and heels. They make me feel sexy.
23. I don’t care for pornography (as in videos) but I love erotic still photography.
24. I think men’s bodies are beautiful.
25. I’m hoping this year will be the year I start experimenting with sexuality, and stop worrying about being seen as strange.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
1. I am a 25-year-old male who gets off thinking about men or women. I've slept with 10 girls and got a handjob once from a guy in a bathhouse. It was great! But I bailed immediately afterwards because I lost interest. I've been working abroad off and on for the past few years, which provides pretty good opportunities to travel.
2. My first blowjob was from a girl at summer camp, and it was fantastic. The next one was from my girlfriend who had previously told me she thought it was gross, which made me feel pretty bad for a long time. I still don't really like blowjobs, partially because I like more body contact, partially because they are rarely that good, and partially because I still feel it is demeaning to women (or at least many think so). I love cunnilingus, but I don't feel good when women don't show the same enthusiasm for fellatio.
3. The first time I had sex was with my longtime girlfriend, and it was very intimate and loving. Over the years we tried a lot of different things, but I don't think I could ever really give her the dominance that she wanted. We broke up just from moving to different places, but a year ago we had 2 passionate nights together. I found myself remembering to be more dominant than I normally would be, just because I knew she'd like it.
4. For a long time I have identified myself to people I know as “guy who loves to go after and talk about chicks.” This is sort of contradictory to reality, which is that I usually hate one-night stands because I get so worried about STDs afterwards, and I can only really enjoy sex with someone I am totally relaxed with. I find myself falling in love with women all the time; bank clerks, fellow passengers, girls in movies. But at the end of the day I usually have the best orgasms to gay porn.
5. It's strange to say, but I was looking at lots of amateur men posing nude on the internet for several years before I realized that I could possibly be gay. The moment I realized felt like one of those screen shots in the movies where everything focuses in on one point and the background zooms away. I was in college, and had gone out on a date with a gorgeous girl, but then found we had absolutely no chemistry. That night, sitting in my room, wondering what happened, I put two and two together: I'd been looking at a lot of naked men on the internet, I wasn't hooking up with girls, I might be gay... it was a pretty big funk I got myself into. I tried to talk to my long-distance girlfriend about it, but she treated the issue with fear and doubt. It only cleared up several months later when I was lying with said girlfriend in bed, and after some kissing I felt my penis coming back to life. Only then I realized that the realities of what I actually liked were not what I thought.
6. I've cheated before, and though I wouldn't encourage it, I don't regret it. My first girlfriend and I had been off and on for several years. Our connection was close--first sex, and lots of growing up together. While I studied abroad in college we weren't together, but we talked every day on gchat. About a month before I was going to return I learned that for most of the time we had been talking she had been sleeping with someone else. This was a big deal for us because it was the first person she'd been with after me. I should have had no reason to be angry, of course, because we weren't “together,” though it felt like the greatest betrayal of my life. Our final year of college (at different universities, very far apart) we decided to stay together long distance, and this is when I cheated on her three times (no sex, making out, some playful breast juggling and a blowjob). Strangely (or perhaps horribly), only after I had cheated on her was I able to release that sense of betrayal I still carried. After that, we had a very nice relationship until I moved overseas.
7. While I was overseas, circumstances put me into a relationship with a girl who I didn't feel very compatible with, but she really had no one else and I had no one else from my own culture. I tried to break up with her several times, but she refused. Where she lived she simply had no one, and she needed someone to connect with. This cracked our relationship like an egg on a rock, everything out in the open with almost no limitations. Surprisingly, our connection improved greatly--our sex became fantastic, we were able to talk to each other with total honesty, and we were able to explore a lot about ourselves within the safe space we created. She was the first girl I was able to talk about my interest in other guys to, and she was always encouraging. Once we returned from overseas she started dating women. Though perhaps she and I won't be having sex anytime soon, I'm grateful for the relationship--it was totally unbounded and supportive. Occasionally we do a bit of cybersex, which is still a bit weird.
8. The second person I ever had sex with was a girl from my university, the same age and very beautiful. She was really the initiator: she was the type of person that goes for what they want. Circumstances were such that we were both on campus at the end of the year and not much else was going on, so we fooled around a bit. A week or so later she left and invited me to her parents' lake house, where after some wine she convinced me to have sex (I was still in the “sex is for lovemaking” phase). The condom she produced was unlubricated--“I don't need lubrication”--and after some difficulty we decided not to use one at all (a ruse?). At the end of that summer I got tested and came back with chlamydia. The lake house girl was furious that I would even suggest I had gotten it from her, but she was the only possibility. Years later, a nurse at the university medical center said “Sometimes people lie about those things.”
9. Fortunately, chlamydia is a minor and curable STD, though having it made me really feel dirty and detached from my body. I felt like my penis was a weapon of scourge. I think some of these feelings still linger, which causes problems when I am getting with girls I don't know very well. On the upside, I have worn a condom for sex ever since—7 years without condomless sex. How good it must feel!
10. I find the Internet dangerously alluring when it comes to sex. Several years ago I posted a few faceless pics on a amateur site, and all the commenting and PM'ing became almost addictive. From there, I started posting pics on a gay version of the same site, and got much more attention. It feels very sexy to take pictures of yourself in various sexy and exposed poses. The attention from men is very gratifying, and led to some of my first cybersex chats and photo exchanges.
11. From my forays on the Internet I found myself most attracted to big-bellied, slightly hairy, older men. I wrote a few erotic stories for Literotica and found the process as arousing as the result. I signed up for a site that caters to older men and younger admirers, and sometimes will message back and forth a bit with older men in my area, though I'm not sure if I will ever really go through with it. I'm simply too scared of STDs.
12. About a year ago I posted an ad on Craigslist to see if anyone had had a similar situation to mine. I got a lot of responses, and ended up meeting with a guy to talk about how he had been married and then eventually come out. However, though on paper it had seemed similar, in actuality his story was different from mine. He had been religious and carried some guilt about it, and also never really liked licking vagina. After our coffee he said if I ever wanted to try anything in a safe place I could do so with him. I declined, but I still think about that when I masturbate sometimes. He also sent me an email a week later inviting me to dinner, but I declined. I didn't really have any interest in a relationship, just passionate sex.
13. Several months ago I met a very nice girl in a foreign place, and I had the chance to spend a weekend with her before I was departing. I was very nervous about it—I had a small chance to be a stallion in bed, and if I couldn't perform she would always remember that (reason tells me this is a bit over the top, I know, but my brain is a simple creature). We had a lot of nice time together and drank a lot of wine, but the first evening she didn't want to have sex because she had a headache. She also doesn't orgasm from cunnilingus, which for some reason made me feel even more ineffective. The next evening (after another day of nice strolls, snacks, and wine) she really wanted to have sex but I found I did not, or rather could not: my penis was completely unresponsive. There, lying in bed, the clock ticking down to my evening departure, my brain was wracked. I'm sure it wasn't such a big deal to her, but to me it felt like a failure.
14. I left that girl to go on a trip back home (I was working overseas again). I traveled with two male friends and at times found the masculine energy too much—I was always getting erections even though neither of these dudes are what anyone would describe as attractive (fat from too much beer or wiry from too many cigarettes). After I left them I had a chance to go to a bathhouse by myself in Berlin, and I took it. I spent an hour wandering around the place, sort of shaking off followers/starers looking for something to happen. I saw a barrel-chested man giving another a blowjob and I was fascinated. I sat in the theater section and watched gay porn while slowly stroking, some men watched me but everyone was so shy. Finally in the steamroom I started talking to an older german man and asked if I could touch him—it was interesting, but I didn't experience the chills I had expected. He licked my ears and squeezed my pecs and nipples with some ferocity but I didn't want to kiss him. I didn't let him suck me because I wanted to minimize my risk. It took him a while to get hard so I finished from his handjob before he really got anything. After I had cum all over the floor (there were some other guys watching in there, but it was pretty dark and steamy), I stood up and went to rinse off (realizing how much cum I could have been sitting in). I feel bad that I didn't even finish that guy off, but I just wanted to leave. Once I was out of there I felt great, and practically skipped back to the hotel. I masturbated two more times that night.
15. Talking about cocks, thinking about encounters with men, looking at pictures of dudes making love, all of these things really get me off. However, I still find myself looking at women and wanting to spend time with one woman I am close to. When I think of the future, I picture myself with a woman. But for now it may be that banging dudes is my best bet. I am so afraid of STDs, though!
16. Last summer I went on a road trip with a friend of mine from summer camp. Following this trip, I was flying straight to Europe to spend a week with a 19-year-old girl I had met working overseas. For the entire road trip I was trying not to drink, eat, or spend too much (lose all the fitness I had worked so hard on, etc). It really cut into my friend's experience, and I regret it a bit. The trip culminated in San Francisco. Stupidly, we hadn't made any arrangements and so had to stay in a hotel. Everything was full except for one room in some dank place with a single queen size bed. For two nights we shared the bed together, and I found myself afraid to get too close to him, otherwise I might get aroused. Also, him walking around in his boxers or wearing a towel and playing with his balls on the bed really bothered me, partially because it was gross and partially because I think I feared my own arousal. This guy isn't some stud either, just a regular looking dude. But there was something in so much male contact (and no masturbation) that made me a bit crazy—coming in the shower while he watched TV gave me a bit of release.
17. So, I made it to Europe, and met up with this gorgeous German girl. I was so nervous to start anything, since I hadn't seen her in almost a year and I had no idea what it would be like. We made out a bit at first, and fortunately she had her period, so she didn't want to have sex for a day or two. This turned out great, because when we did start having sex, it was always fantastic. I had spent most of the year idolizing her and her beauty. In the end I had to face that she was pretty young, at a different point in her life, and really not the one for me, but she was just so hot. 6 months later, back in Europe, I had the chance to go see her, but I didn't, because she didn't seem interested. I think it was a good step for me to break my dependence.
18. Another friend and I were in Mongolia, in a little town with a public bathhouse. The bathhouse had a sauna but also a series of stalls with doors with an opening along the top so you could hear the people around you but not see them. My friend and I both took pretty long showers. Later we admitted that we had both been masturbating. I don't know how I feel that we were sharing the space but not really the room.
19. When I was a kid I remember feeling a tingle at seeing Harrison Ford tied up and shirtless in the Indiana Jones movie where they are stealing the magic stones. It is a memory that only resurfaced once I started trying to figure out if I was gay.
20. Last summer I had dinner with my dad, his wife, another couple they are friends with, and a divorced woman in her 50s. For some reason during that dinner I felt as if I would be the natural pair for the divorced woman, and I wrote a story about having sex with her. Recently I drove my dad's wife and the very same woman to the airport, and upon seeing her I felt something again, as if perhaps she knew too, and in other circumstances I might be making secret trips to her large divorce-settlement house for afternoon fun.
21. I love amateur porn, especially women in their 30s, 40s, and 50s. One of my fantasies would be to have sex with a m/f couple in their 50's, nothing held back.
22. This might upset people, but sometimes I masturbate to clothed pictures of people I know (for some reason, always girls), especially for the final strokes.
23. I masturbate using the bottle-cap-opening method, which I really think has cut down on my sensitivity. Great to do on your partner, but bad in the long term for yourself!
24. It feels good when people touch my bum, especially in a dominant sort of way. I think I have an untapped submissive side, which I don't want to flesh out too much because it seems sort of incompatible with a lot of women who prefer a more dominant partner.
25. I love having trimmed balls and pubic hair.
2. My first blowjob was from a girl at summer camp, and it was fantastic. The next one was from my girlfriend who had previously told me she thought it was gross, which made me feel pretty bad for a long time. I still don't really like blowjobs, partially because I like more body contact, partially because they are rarely that good, and partially because I still feel it is demeaning to women (or at least many think so). I love cunnilingus, but I don't feel good when women don't show the same enthusiasm for fellatio.
3. The first time I had sex was with my longtime girlfriend, and it was very intimate and loving. Over the years we tried a lot of different things, but I don't think I could ever really give her the dominance that she wanted. We broke up just from moving to different places, but a year ago we had 2 passionate nights together. I found myself remembering to be more dominant than I normally would be, just because I knew she'd like it.
4. For a long time I have identified myself to people I know as “guy who loves to go after and talk about chicks.” This is sort of contradictory to reality, which is that I usually hate one-night stands because I get so worried about STDs afterwards, and I can only really enjoy sex with someone I am totally relaxed with. I find myself falling in love with women all the time; bank clerks, fellow passengers, girls in movies. But at the end of the day I usually have the best orgasms to gay porn.
5. It's strange to say, but I was looking at lots of amateur men posing nude on the internet for several years before I realized that I could possibly be gay. The moment I realized felt like one of those screen shots in the movies where everything focuses in on one point and the background zooms away. I was in college, and had gone out on a date with a gorgeous girl, but then found we had absolutely no chemistry. That night, sitting in my room, wondering what happened, I put two and two together: I'd been looking at a lot of naked men on the internet, I wasn't hooking up with girls, I might be gay... it was a pretty big funk I got myself into. I tried to talk to my long-distance girlfriend about it, but she treated the issue with fear and doubt. It only cleared up several months later when I was lying with said girlfriend in bed, and after some kissing I felt my penis coming back to life. Only then I realized that the realities of what I actually liked were not what I thought.
6. I've cheated before, and though I wouldn't encourage it, I don't regret it. My first girlfriend and I had been off and on for several years. Our connection was close--first sex, and lots of growing up together. While I studied abroad in college we weren't together, but we talked every day on gchat. About a month before I was going to return I learned that for most of the time we had been talking she had been sleeping with someone else. This was a big deal for us because it was the first person she'd been with after me. I should have had no reason to be angry, of course, because we weren't “together,” though it felt like the greatest betrayal of my life. Our final year of college (at different universities, very far apart) we decided to stay together long distance, and this is when I cheated on her three times (no sex, making out, some playful breast juggling and a blowjob). Strangely (or perhaps horribly), only after I had cheated on her was I able to release that sense of betrayal I still carried. After that, we had a very nice relationship until I moved overseas.
7. While I was overseas, circumstances put me into a relationship with a girl who I didn't feel very compatible with, but she really had no one else and I had no one else from my own culture. I tried to break up with her several times, but she refused. Where she lived she simply had no one, and she needed someone to connect with. This cracked our relationship like an egg on a rock, everything out in the open with almost no limitations. Surprisingly, our connection improved greatly--our sex became fantastic, we were able to talk to each other with total honesty, and we were able to explore a lot about ourselves within the safe space we created. She was the first girl I was able to talk about my interest in other guys to, and she was always encouraging. Once we returned from overseas she started dating women. Though perhaps she and I won't be having sex anytime soon, I'm grateful for the relationship--it was totally unbounded and supportive. Occasionally we do a bit of cybersex, which is still a bit weird.
8. The second person I ever had sex with was a girl from my university, the same age and very beautiful. She was really the initiator: she was the type of person that goes for what they want. Circumstances were such that we were both on campus at the end of the year and not much else was going on, so we fooled around a bit. A week or so later she left and invited me to her parents' lake house, where after some wine she convinced me to have sex (I was still in the “sex is for lovemaking” phase). The condom she produced was unlubricated--“I don't need lubrication”--and after some difficulty we decided not to use one at all (a ruse?). At the end of that summer I got tested and came back with chlamydia. The lake house girl was furious that I would even suggest I had gotten it from her, but she was the only possibility. Years later, a nurse at the university medical center said “Sometimes people lie about those things.”
9. Fortunately, chlamydia is a minor and curable STD, though having it made me really feel dirty and detached from my body. I felt like my penis was a weapon of scourge. I think some of these feelings still linger, which causes problems when I am getting with girls I don't know very well. On the upside, I have worn a condom for sex ever since—7 years without condomless sex. How good it must feel!
10. I find the Internet dangerously alluring when it comes to sex. Several years ago I posted a few faceless pics on a amateur site, and all the commenting and PM'ing became almost addictive. From there, I started posting pics on a gay version of the same site, and got much more attention. It feels very sexy to take pictures of yourself in various sexy and exposed poses. The attention from men is very gratifying, and led to some of my first cybersex chats and photo exchanges.
11. From my forays on the Internet I found myself most attracted to big-bellied, slightly hairy, older men. I wrote a few erotic stories for Literotica and found the process as arousing as the result. I signed up for a site that caters to older men and younger admirers, and sometimes will message back and forth a bit with older men in my area, though I'm not sure if I will ever really go through with it. I'm simply too scared of STDs.
12. About a year ago I posted an ad on Craigslist to see if anyone had had a similar situation to mine. I got a lot of responses, and ended up meeting with a guy to talk about how he had been married and then eventually come out. However, though on paper it had seemed similar, in actuality his story was different from mine. He had been religious and carried some guilt about it, and also never really liked licking vagina. After our coffee he said if I ever wanted to try anything in a safe place I could do so with him. I declined, but I still think about that when I masturbate sometimes. He also sent me an email a week later inviting me to dinner, but I declined. I didn't really have any interest in a relationship, just passionate sex.
13. Several months ago I met a very nice girl in a foreign place, and I had the chance to spend a weekend with her before I was departing. I was very nervous about it—I had a small chance to be a stallion in bed, and if I couldn't perform she would always remember that (reason tells me this is a bit over the top, I know, but my brain is a simple creature). We had a lot of nice time together and drank a lot of wine, but the first evening she didn't want to have sex because she had a headache. She also doesn't orgasm from cunnilingus, which for some reason made me feel even more ineffective. The next evening (after another day of nice strolls, snacks, and wine) she really wanted to have sex but I found I did not, or rather could not: my penis was completely unresponsive. There, lying in bed, the clock ticking down to my evening departure, my brain was wracked. I'm sure it wasn't such a big deal to her, but to me it felt like a failure.
14. I left that girl to go on a trip back home (I was working overseas again). I traveled with two male friends and at times found the masculine energy too much—I was always getting erections even though neither of these dudes are what anyone would describe as attractive (fat from too much beer or wiry from too many cigarettes). After I left them I had a chance to go to a bathhouse by myself in Berlin, and I took it. I spent an hour wandering around the place, sort of shaking off followers/starers looking for something to happen. I saw a barrel-chested man giving another a blowjob and I was fascinated. I sat in the theater section and watched gay porn while slowly stroking, some men watched me but everyone was so shy. Finally in the steamroom I started talking to an older german man and asked if I could touch him—it was interesting, but I didn't experience the chills I had expected. He licked my ears and squeezed my pecs and nipples with some ferocity but I didn't want to kiss him. I didn't let him suck me because I wanted to minimize my risk. It took him a while to get hard so I finished from his handjob before he really got anything. After I had cum all over the floor (there were some other guys watching in there, but it was pretty dark and steamy), I stood up and went to rinse off (realizing how much cum I could have been sitting in). I feel bad that I didn't even finish that guy off, but I just wanted to leave. Once I was out of there I felt great, and practically skipped back to the hotel. I masturbated two more times that night.
15. Talking about cocks, thinking about encounters with men, looking at pictures of dudes making love, all of these things really get me off. However, I still find myself looking at women and wanting to spend time with one woman I am close to. When I think of the future, I picture myself with a woman. But for now it may be that banging dudes is my best bet. I am so afraid of STDs, though!
16. Last summer I went on a road trip with a friend of mine from summer camp. Following this trip, I was flying straight to Europe to spend a week with a 19-year-old girl I had met working overseas. For the entire road trip I was trying not to drink, eat, or spend too much (lose all the fitness I had worked so hard on, etc). It really cut into my friend's experience, and I regret it a bit. The trip culminated in San Francisco. Stupidly, we hadn't made any arrangements and so had to stay in a hotel. Everything was full except for one room in some dank place with a single queen size bed. For two nights we shared the bed together, and I found myself afraid to get too close to him, otherwise I might get aroused. Also, him walking around in his boxers or wearing a towel and playing with his balls on the bed really bothered me, partially because it was gross and partially because I think I feared my own arousal. This guy isn't some stud either, just a regular looking dude. But there was something in so much male contact (and no masturbation) that made me a bit crazy—coming in the shower while he watched TV gave me a bit of release.
17. So, I made it to Europe, and met up with this gorgeous German girl. I was so nervous to start anything, since I hadn't seen her in almost a year and I had no idea what it would be like. We made out a bit at first, and fortunately she had her period, so she didn't want to have sex for a day or two. This turned out great, because when we did start having sex, it was always fantastic. I had spent most of the year idolizing her and her beauty. In the end I had to face that she was pretty young, at a different point in her life, and really not the one for me, but she was just so hot. 6 months later, back in Europe, I had the chance to go see her, but I didn't, because she didn't seem interested. I think it was a good step for me to break my dependence.
18. Another friend and I were in Mongolia, in a little town with a public bathhouse. The bathhouse had a sauna but also a series of stalls with doors with an opening along the top so you could hear the people around you but not see them. My friend and I both took pretty long showers. Later we admitted that we had both been masturbating. I don't know how I feel that we were sharing the space but not really the room.
19. When I was a kid I remember feeling a tingle at seeing Harrison Ford tied up and shirtless in the Indiana Jones movie where they are stealing the magic stones. It is a memory that only resurfaced once I started trying to figure out if I was gay.
20. Last summer I had dinner with my dad, his wife, another couple they are friends with, and a divorced woman in her 50s. For some reason during that dinner I felt as if I would be the natural pair for the divorced woman, and I wrote a story about having sex with her. Recently I drove my dad's wife and the very same woman to the airport, and upon seeing her I felt something again, as if perhaps she knew too, and in other circumstances I might be making secret trips to her large divorce-settlement house for afternoon fun.
21. I love amateur porn, especially women in their 30s, 40s, and 50s. One of my fantasies would be to have sex with a m/f couple in their 50's, nothing held back.
22. This might upset people, but sometimes I masturbate to clothed pictures of people I know (for some reason, always girls), especially for the final strokes.
23. I masturbate using the bottle-cap-opening method, which I really think has cut down on my sensitivity. Great to do on your partner, but bad in the long term for yourself!
24. It feels good when people touch my bum, especially in a dominant sort of way. I think I have an untapped submissive side, which I don't want to flesh out too much because it seems sort of incompatible with a lot of women who prefer a more dominant partner.
25. I love having trimmed balls and pubic hair.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
1) I’m a 30-year-old straight female, who has yet to be attracted to a woman, but is open to the idea if it ever occurred.
2) I’m a virgin, an "accidental virgin" to be precise. I have some anxiety issues that make it very difficult for me to feel comfortable with potential partners, so it just hasn’t happened.
3) I’m overweight, but not obese. I’ve been described as having classic features. I’ve had plenty of admirers, and many compliments over the years. I know that people find me attractive, but I’m rarely included in that number.
4) I developed a keen interest in sex at an early age. By the time I had my first sex ed class in school, I’d already read “The Joy of Sex," and begun masturbating occasionally.
5) Once puberty hit, I began masturbating almost daily. I go through phases now when I’m just too busy, or uninterested, but it’s very rare to go a whole week without masturbating at least a few times.
6) By the time I was 7 I’d already had my first boyfriend. This relationship consisted of making out together during recess, and occasionally holding hands. He moved away that summer.
7) I’ve kissed a girl, in all seriousness, once. Also in elementary school, in the bathroom. We were both standing on a toilet seat in a pink bathroom stall, if I recall correctly.
7) I watch porn. To get off, to get hot, or just to see what other people get up too. I’m mostly turned off by the highly produced stuff, and am puzzled as to why the cootch-cam is so popular. I like to see people's expressions when they are enjoying themselves. But it’s the sound that really gets me going. I love to hear a good, undignified, full body moan.
8) I’m a little terrified of telling someone that he’s (I assume) my first. I plan on avoiding that topic until afterward if I can help it. I never really placed a lot of weight on my first time, but fear that the knowledge would prompt a lot of questions, or cause some insecurities in my partner. That, and it’s a little embarrassing, if I’m completely honest.
9) I worry that I may never have sex. I’m a creature of habit, and a 30-year-old habit tends to be hard to break.
10) I’m open to the idea of unconventional sexual relationships. Light BDSM, threesomes, even electrical play are all fantasies of mine.
11) I especially like watching gay porn. I’ve often fantasized about being a man, with another man. I don’t think this says anything about my psyche, just that I like to replay those images. But I could be wrong--maybe it says a lot about me.
12) I’ve said before that I’m actually a gay man stuck in a woman’s body. Mostly this is just a joke, because either way I’m attracted to men predominantly. But I did have a number of years in which I was only attracted to gay men.
13) I feel sorry for people who need to constantly date, moving on from one partner to another the second a relationship ends. I never meant to remain alone as long as I have, but really? Being single has its perks. That being said, I’ve certainly proven that I can do alone quite well. Now on to one of those relationship things.
14) I don’t think I would ever be comfortable with a one-night stand.
15) I’d love to end up with a bisexual man. I love the idea of using a strap-on with a man, because it turns him on. Or having a MMF threesome, because my partner and I are both attracted to the same man.
16) I’m sort of grossed out by menstruation. It’s just a messy process, there’s nothing to be done for it. I’d avoid it if there weren’t major consequences to that.
17) I’ve never been on any form of birth control. I’m pretty sure my doctor thinks that’s due to religious reasons, and that I’m not being honest when I always answer ‘no’ to ‘are you currently sexually active?’
18) I’ve never had more than two true orgasms in one sitting before. Mostly, I tend to tease myself until I can’t take it anymore, then go for a big one. And then sometimes I’ll try to push it further. But after that, I’m just tired and ultra-sensitive, and lose interest. I wonder if I would be more prone to multiple orgasms with a partner.
19) I currently own 3 vibrators and a dildo. Two are bullet-style, and are my go-tos.
20) I’ve never had a g-spot orgasm. Have tried, but obviously am getting the angle wrong.
21) I get uncomfortable when strangers, or even not-so-close acquaintances, invade my personal space. This is a major contributing reason to my continuing virginity.
22) I’ve been kissed (romantically) twice in the past 12 months. The first was by a guy I met online, I had already decided not to see him again, but felt bad not letting him kiss me. Imagine someone doing an impression of a fish, that’s how he kissed. The second was a (former?) friend. Within about three dates he had all but told me he loved me, while I was trying to figure out if I even liked him in a romantic sense. He’s a good kisser, but I ended things with him shortly after because I didn’t feel anything when it happened.
23) I’m not certain that I want to have children. There is no political reason behind that, no stand against overpopulation. I’m just not sure I’d like it. I love some kids most of the time, but tire quickly of others. I feel like less of a woman when I think this way. Like procreation is the ultimate act of being a woman.
24) I sometimes think my life would be easier if I were gay. The pressure of societal disapproval would probably make me more defiant than I am (I’m not a fan of being told what to and not to do). I think, if I were a lesbian, that I’d probably be rather promiscuous, just to prove myself to the world.
25) My parents never talked to me about sex. It’s still not a topic that comes up with them. On one hand, it’s nice that I was 18 before I ever overheard them having sex, and never walked in on them. On the other hand, maybe I would have a higher sense of self-worth if they’d been more open with me when I was growing up.
2) I’m a virgin, an "accidental virgin" to be precise. I have some anxiety issues that make it very difficult for me to feel comfortable with potential partners, so it just hasn’t happened.
3) I’m overweight, but not obese. I’ve been described as having classic features. I’ve had plenty of admirers, and many compliments over the years. I know that people find me attractive, but I’m rarely included in that number.
4) I developed a keen interest in sex at an early age. By the time I had my first sex ed class in school, I’d already read “The Joy of Sex," and begun masturbating occasionally.
5) Once puberty hit, I began masturbating almost daily. I go through phases now when I’m just too busy, or uninterested, but it’s very rare to go a whole week without masturbating at least a few times.
6) By the time I was 7 I’d already had my first boyfriend. This relationship consisted of making out together during recess, and occasionally holding hands. He moved away that summer.
7) I’ve kissed a girl, in all seriousness, once. Also in elementary school, in the bathroom. We were both standing on a toilet seat in a pink bathroom stall, if I recall correctly.
7) I watch porn. To get off, to get hot, or just to see what other people get up too. I’m mostly turned off by the highly produced stuff, and am puzzled as to why the cootch-cam is so popular. I like to see people's expressions when they are enjoying themselves. But it’s the sound that really gets me going. I love to hear a good, undignified, full body moan.
8) I’m a little terrified of telling someone that he’s (I assume) my first. I plan on avoiding that topic until afterward if I can help it. I never really placed a lot of weight on my first time, but fear that the knowledge would prompt a lot of questions, or cause some insecurities in my partner. That, and it’s a little embarrassing, if I’m completely honest.
9) I worry that I may never have sex. I’m a creature of habit, and a 30-year-old habit tends to be hard to break.
10) I’m open to the idea of unconventional sexual relationships. Light BDSM, threesomes, even electrical play are all fantasies of mine.
11) I especially like watching gay porn. I’ve often fantasized about being a man, with another man. I don’t think this says anything about my psyche, just that I like to replay those images. But I could be wrong--maybe it says a lot about me.
12) I’ve said before that I’m actually a gay man stuck in a woman’s body. Mostly this is just a joke, because either way I’m attracted to men predominantly. But I did have a number of years in which I was only attracted to gay men.
13) I feel sorry for people who need to constantly date, moving on from one partner to another the second a relationship ends. I never meant to remain alone as long as I have, but really? Being single has its perks. That being said, I’ve certainly proven that I can do alone quite well. Now on to one of those relationship things.
14) I don’t think I would ever be comfortable with a one-night stand.
15) I’d love to end up with a bisexual man. I love the idea of using a strap-on with a man, because it turns him on. Or having a MMF threesome, because my partner and I are both attracted to the same man.
16) I’m sort of grossed out by menstruation. It’s just a messy process, there’s nothing to be done for it. I’d avoid it if there weren’t major consequences to that.
17) I’ve never been on any form of birth control. I’m pretty sure my doctor thinks that’s due to religious reasons, and that I’m not being honest when I always answer ‘no’ to ‘are you currently sexually active?’
18) I’ve never had more than two true orgasms in one sitting before. Mostly, I tend to tease myself until I can’t take it anymore, then go for a big one. And then sometimes I’ll try to push it further. But after that, I’m just tired and ultra-sensitive, and lose interest. I wonder if I would be more prone to multiple orgasms with a partner.
19) I currently own 3 vibrators and a dildo. Two are bullet-style, and are my go-tos.
20) I’ve never had a g-spot orgasm. Have tried, but obviously am getting the angle wrong.
21) I get uncomfortable when strangers, or even not-so-close acquaintances, invade my personal space. This is a major contributing reason to my continuing virginity.
22) I’ve been kissed (romantically) twice in the past 12 months. The first was by a guy I met online, I had already decided not to see him again, but felt bad not letting him kiss me. Imagine someone doing an impression of a fish, that’s how he kissed. The second was a (former?) friend. Within about three dates he had all but told me he loved me, while I was trying to figure out if I even liked him in a romantic sense. He’s a good kisser, but I ended things with him shortly after because I didn’t feel anything when it happened.
23) I’m not certain that I want to have children. There is no political reason behind that, no stand against overpopulation. I’m just not sure I’d like it. I love some kids most of the time, but tire quickly of others. I feel like less of a woman when I think this way. Like procreation is the ultimate act of being a woman.
24) I sometimes think my life would be easier if I were gay. The pressure of societal disapproval would probably make me more defiant than I am (I’m not a fan of being told what to and not to do). I think, if I were a lesbian, that I’d probably be rather promiscuous, just to prove myself to the world.
25) My parents never talked to me about sex. It’s still not a topic that comes up with them. On one hand, it’s nice that I was 18 before I ever overheard them having sex, and never walked in on them. On the other hand, maybe I would have a higher sense of self-worth if they’d been more open with me when I was growing up.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
1. I'm a 24-year-old female who would probably identify as queer if anyone outside of trendy college students knew what that word meant.
2. I've never had sex with a woman.
3. I didn't think that I was 'bisexual' (how I usually refer to myself) until I was 20 years old.
4. I've had multiple crushes on women, but there was this one girl I was just obsessed with... so yeah, that was when I was like, "duh, you're bi".
5. When I realized I was bi, I lived in a co-op with a bunch of gender study types, all of whom I'm pretty sure assumed I wasn't straight simply on the basis of my appearance and acquaintances, so I didn't really need to come out.
6. I don't think I would date a woman... but then again, I would have done anything that girl from # 4 wanted, so I guess it could happen.
7. I have had sex with 5 men, all of whom I dated, but not always at the same time that I was having sex with them.
9. I'm currently in an 'open' relationship. No, wait, according to him, we're broken up. According to me, I don't care so long as we can still fuck.
10. I'm in love with the guy from number 9, and he's great.
11. I would really like to fool around with my chemistry professor (whose research team I am on). He's a lot older than me (50ish?), and he's married with adult children. But he's so hot.
12. I'm very attracted to teachers and other authority figures (no cops, army guys, etc). I want to fuck dominant men and women who are in control and tell me what to do. I have wanted to fuck many teachers, both male and female, since middle school.
13. I think that exposure to mainstream porn has made it difficult for me to express my sexual desires... I'm afraid that if I say I like something (like being dominated) then people will automatically assume all this clichéd porn stuff.
13. I have not succeeded with sleeping with any of said teachers.
14. I am bad at sleeping with people. I would have more casual sex if it were up to me. I am not sure how to go about doing this, as I don't like online sites like Craigslist and OKCupid (I'm not really an internet socializer).
15. I wish that I was one of those women who gave off sexual vibes. I feel like I'm not the kind of girl people would expect to come onto them... so therefore I wait for people to come onto me, which is stupid.
16. I have been told that I come off as neither male nor female by more than one person in my life. I actually disagree with this.
17. When I was little I really, really wanted to be a boy. I would have given anything not to be female. Now I like being a girl.
18. I like it when my partner tells me what to do in bed. I like to be forced and restrained. It does not feel degrading to me.
19. I fantasize about being spanked a lot. It is one of my earliest fantasies. I wonder whether I would like this in real life.
20. I fantasize about double penetration a lot. I am pretty certain I would enjoy this.
21. I love giving head, and love being eaten out.
22. I have only come from penetration one time, and I was alone. But I love being penetrated.
23. I am insecure about my looks, but part of me secretly thinks that I am very attractive (I guess I am my own type?).
24. I love being bitten and having my neck sucked on and getting hickeys.
25. I think that it would be healthy for me to explore sex more, and with more people. But I am very unsure as to how I may accomplish this.
2. I've never had sex with a woman.
3. I didn't think that I was 'bisexual' (how I usually refer to myself) until I was 20 years old.
4. I've had multiple crushes on women, but there was this one girl I was just obsessed with... so yeah, that was when I was like, "duh, you're bi".
5. When I realized I was bi, I lived in a co-op with a bunch of gender study types, all of whom I'm pretty sure assumed I wasn't straight simply on the basis of my appearance and acquaintances, so I didn't really need to come out.
6. I don't think I would date a woman... but then again, I would have done anything that girl from # 4 wanted, so I guess it could happen.
7. I have had sex with 5 men, all of whom I dated, but not always at the same time that I was having sex with them.
9. I'm currently in an 'open' relationship. No, wait, according to him, we're broken up. According to me, I don't care so long as we can still fuck.
10. I'm in love with the guy from number 9, and he's great.
11. I would really like to fool around with my chemistry professor (whose research team I am on). He's a lot older than me (50ish?), and he's married with adult children. But he's so hot.
12. I'm very attracted to teachers and other authority figures (no cops, army guys, etc). I want to fuck dominant men and women who are in control and tell me what to do. I have wanted to fuck many teachers, both male and female, since middle school.
13. I think that exposure to mainstream porn has made it difficult for me to express my sexual desires... I'm afraid that if I say I like something (like being dominated) then people will automatically assume all this clichéd porn stuff.
13. I have not succeeded with sleeping with any of said teachers.
14. I am bad at sleeping with people. I would have more casual sex if it were up to me. I am not sure how to go about doing this, as I don't like online sites like Craigslist and OKCupid (I'm not really an internet socializer).
15. I wish that I was one of those women who gave off sexual vibes. I feel like I'm not the kind of girl people would expect to come onto them... so therefore I wait for people to come onto me, which is stupid.
16. I have been told that I come off as neither male nor female by more than one person in my life. I actually disagree with this.
17. When I was little I really, really wanted to be a boy. I would have given anything not to be female. Now I like being a girl.
18. I like it when my partner tells me what to do in bed. I like to be forced and restrained. It does not feel degrading to me.
19. I fantasize about being spanked a lot. It is one of my earliest fantasies. I wonder whether I would like this in real life.
20. I fantasize about double penetration a lot. I am pretty certain I would enjoy this.
21. I love giving head, and love being eaten out.
22. I have only come from penetration one time, and I was alone. But I love being penetrated.
23. I am insecure about my looks, but part of me secretly thinks that I am very attractive (I guess I am my own type?).
24. I love being bitten and having my neck sucked on and getting hickeys.
25. I think that it would be healthy for me to explore sex more, and with more people. But I am very unsure as to how I may accomplish this.
Monday, February 7, 2011
1. I stopped considering myself a virgin when I was 18 after spending a week in Chicago with a woman that I had worked with and fallen in love with in Alaska over the summer. At that point, I wasn’t sure exactly what counted as women losing their virginity to each other, but something happened that week that was different from anything I had previously experienced.
2. I love, love, love long hair. Women, men, doesn’t matter. The thought of fucking someone with hair flying everywhere is amazing.
3. I was once involved in a three-way makeout session in college with a man and a lady. At the time, I was seventeen, and thought it was so bad-ass that the three of us all went to breakfast together in the morning. We wondered (loudly and often) if the waitress had any suspicions.
4. I almost drunkenly made out with my best female friend in high school. I am glad I did not.
5. I orgasm quickly for a woman. Sometimes it happens WAY too quickly.
6. I dated a woman in college who was great at giving oral sex. Because I would come way too quickly, she would accuse me of faking it. Trust me, I was NOT.
7. I started watching hetero porn this summer and was surprised by how much it turned me on. Not anything professionally done, but I find amateur couples so hot.
8. I love having my fingers sucked.
9. I didn’t have vaginal intercourse with a man until I was 25. I felt very grown-up, for some reason, even though this was something all my friends had been doing for years.
10. I only had one orgasm with this man, and then I broke up with him via Facebook. I still feel a little guilty about it.
11. I think I like the feeling of hard cock pressed up against my leg more than I actually like it inside of me. Maybe I just need to try it again with someone else.
12. I love making out in my tent. That Marmot has seen some action.
13. I really like the idea of a guy coming on me, shooting all over my breasts or belly. That turns me on a lot. Definitely on my “to-do” list.
14. I dated a boy in high school who had long black hair and wanted to make out everywhere: my mother’s car, public parks in our suburb, outside of coffee shops, in my bedroom when my parents were home. Maybe this is why I like the feeling of hard cock against my leg.
15. I love loud moaning, grunting, any kind of sex noise. Sometimes I would hear them when I was retrieving my laundry in college and would stop outside the door to listen and get jealous.
16. I gave my long-term girlfriend her first orgasm EVER in the employee housing of the National Park I was working in at the time. I am still proud of that one.
17. I love playing with my nipples when I masturbate.
18. Having sex with a woman to Ani Difranco may be the most cliché thing ever, but I still enjoy it.
19. My first sexual experience with a man was terrible. I was locked into a neighbor’s house and forced to touch his penis. Maybe this is why I am still afraid to look at them.
20. This person was also technically my first kiss. However, I don’t count him, but rather the long-black-haired boy mentioned in number 14.
21. I started masturbating when I was 13. I don’t think that I got really, really good at it until this year, though.
22. I love the kind of sex that is so frantic that both parties only manage to get their pants off and shirts stay on because the top half of your body becomes somehow, er, less important.
23. I had my first big, penetrative orgasm in the basement of my parents’ house over a winter break during college. Hopefully they are still unaware of this.
24. I get big teacher/professor crushes on my female professors. This makes me afraid to speak in their classes, because I am just SURE THEY CAN TELL that I think about their boobs. (This is silly at my age in graduate school, I know, but it still goes on.)
25. The best place to have any kind of sexual activity occur is the Seaside Farm in Homer, Alaska. Those cabin beds have probably seen more than I like to imagine, but the beach! The raspberry patch! The swing! So beautiful and erotic.
2. I love, love, love long hair. Women, men, doesn’t matter. The thought of fucking someone with hair flying everywhere is amazing.
3. I was once involved in a three-way makeout session in college with a man and a lady. At the time, I was seventeen, and thought it was so bad-ass that the three of us all went to breakfast together in the morning. We wondered (loudly and often) if the waitress had any suspicions.
4. I almost drunkenly made out with my best female friend in high school. I am glad I did not.
5. I orgasm quickly for a woman. Sometimes it happens WAY too quickly.
6. I dated a woman in college who was great at giving oral sex. Because I would come way too quickly, she would accuse me of faking it. Trust me, I was NOT.
7. I started watching hetero porn this summer and was surprised by how much it turned me on. Not anything professionally done, but I find amateur couples so hot.
8. I love having my fingers sucked.
9. I didn’t have vaginal intercourse with a man until I was 25. I felt very grown-up, for some reason, even though this was something all my friends had been doing for years.
10. I only had one orgasm with this man, and then I broke up with him via Facebook. I still feel a little guilty about it.
11. I think I like the feeling of hard cock pressed up against my leg more than I actually like it inside of me. Maybe I just need to try it again with someone else.
12. I love making out in my tent. That Marmot has seen some action.
13. I really like the idea of a guy coming on me, shooting all over my breasts or belly. That turns me on a lot. Definitely on my “to-do” list.
14. I dated a boy in high school who had long black hair and wanted to make out everywhere: my mother’s car, public parks in our suburb, outside of coffee shops, in my bedroom when my parents were home. Maybe this is why I like the feeling of hard cock against my leg.
15. I love loud moaning, grunting, any kind of sex noise. Sometimes I would hear them when I was retrieving my laundry in college and would stop outside the door to listen and get jealous.
16. I gave my long-term girlfriend her first orgasm EVER in the employee housing of the National Park I was working in at the time. I am still proud of that one.
17. I love playing with my nipples when I masturbate.
18. Having sex with a woman to Ani Difranco may be the most cliché thing ever, but I still enjoy it.
19. My first sexual experience with a man was terrible. I was locked into a neighbor’s house and forced to touch his penis. Maybe this is why I am still afraid to look at them.
20. This person was also technically my first kiss. However, I don’t count him, but rather the long-black-haired boy mentioned in number 14.
21. I started masturbating when I was 13. I don’t think that I got really, really good at it until this year, though.
22. I love the kind of sex that is so frantic that both parties only manage to get their pants off and shirts stay on because the top half of your body becomes somehow, er, less important.
23. I had my first big, penetrative orgasm in the basement of my parents’ house over a winter break during college. Hopefully they are still unaware of this.
24. I get big teacher/professor crushes on my female professors. This makes me afraid to speak in their classes, because I am just SURE THEY CAN TELL that I think about their boobs. (This is silly at my age in graduate school, I know, but it still goes on.)
25. The best place to have any kind of sexual activity occur is the Seaside Farm in Homer, Alaska. Those cabin beds have probably seen more than I like to imagine, but the beach! The raspberry patch! The swing! So beautiful and erotic.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
1. I'm a 22, soon to be 23-year-old woman. But sometimes I'm more like a young girl, and sometimes an old woman. I've slept with only about seven people, I think. Some of the memories are blurry, either because I was drunk at the time or because they didn't mean anything and I've forgotten them. I've never had a relationship. I've never liked anyone enough. Plus I think I'm afraid of emotional intimacy - I hate feeling vulnerable.
2. When I was younger, pubescent hormones and the wonder of discovery made me masturbate in the girls' toilets at school, on the back of a bus, in a dark cinema. What was risqué to me then is now vanilla. I need more to get off. My mind is like a wet slippery slope.
3. Sometimes I wonder if I'm a bad person, because I get off on fantasizing about immoral, taboo things. Normally I reassure myself that there's an important distinction between reality and fantasy, so it's all good.
4. I'm the only person who's ever made me come. I find this irritating but also kind of amusing. That's not to say I don't enjoy sex without orgasms. I just want to know that I'm capable of it. It's amusing, because it's as if I'm the only one with the "magic fingers." I alone have got the power!
5. I prefer girth to length. I love the feeling that I have to stretch to accept someone's genitalia inside me. Less so the feeling of my organs getting pummeled.
6. Instead of boxes and square labels, I look at sexuality as a spectrum. Sometimes I waver along the heterosexual end, sometimes the homosexual end, usually somewhere around the middle. Like a rainbow.
7. I always swallow. I just find the thought of spitting out someone's essence a huge slap in the face to them. And it would totally kill the buzz of what we've just done. Plus, sometimes it doesn't taste all that bad. The healthier the boy, the yummier.
8. My favorite moment in sex is when he comes inside me. He just goes still, probably temporarily unconscious... and I feel like he's given me a special part of himself, and I get to keep it. Me, I feel kind of proud... and cherished.
9. I love erotic fiction. Sexy literature. Mills & Boon novels. Despite being a commitment-phobe, I'm a huge romantic. I know, it's confusing.
10. Fave sex position? Haven't decided yet.... maybe doggy-style? I'm lazy.
11. When I masturbate I mainly stimulate my clit. But sometimes the mood will strike and I'll feel like getting a bit dirty with some anal action. Vaginal penetration is really only ever amazing when someone else is doing it to me.
12. Sometimes I feel pressure to come for the guy's sake. I get self-conscious when I'm not wet enough or into it enough, as if I'm letting him down. I don't want to hurt his feelings... but the more I think during sex, the more removed and distant I become, and the less pleasure I feel. It's a vicious cycle.
13. I was surprised to discover that I'm an exhibitionist. Not so much sex in public, although i have done that incidentally (very drunk). But i love to show off. I get disappointed when the lights aren't on. But having no sight can heighten your other senses too, so whatever.
14. I was a stripper for a year. I mostly loved it, the attention, the dancing, the hedonism, the nudity. I found it empowering. I loved doing something that so many women couldn't bring themselves to do. I like being a rebel, a daredevil, progressive and liberated and self-confident. But I had to get out.... it was lessening my opinion of men. I was beginning to resent and dislike them. And even though my body was in great shape from all the dancing, I could feel the late nights and makeup and booze aging me. Keeping up a sexy, flirtatious and provocative facade for male stimulation while simultaneously holding up a protective barrier is emotionally exhausting too. Some of the things that guys will believe and tell you--half the time I felt like a therapist. I don't know how some of those women do it for years and years. It's got to be one of the hardest (if well paid) jobs in the world, both physically and mentally. But in the end the ups couldn't justify the downs.
15. I'd like to be grabbed and thrown against a wall, over a desk, hands held back, hair pulled, butt slapped and pinched. There is something incredibly erotic about being dominated and out of control. Wild. Animalistic. Sexy. Also it's a huge turn on and ego-stroke to feel the physical evidence of how desperately you can make another person want to possess you.
16. I had a threesome with one of my best girlfriends at the time and her boyfriend. I'd always been attracted to them both, but she instigated it. She told me she'd been having dreams about me, about suckling my nipples, about the three of us dressing up in skimpy lingerie. So we decided to live it out. We all got really drunk, played spin the bottle, I gave them a little striptease, then we spent hours in bed together. It was exciting and nerve-racking and adventurous, if a little complicated... it's hard to choreograph three bodies so that they all fit together well... you've got to be careful no one gets left out. She was the first and only woman I've gone down on. I liked it, but I wasn't very good at it--I had no idea what to do. Unfortunately women aren't taught how to give oral to a woman. I was able to access info about giving blowjobs to guys from an early age... magazines, internet, friends.... but the female anatomy, even though I'm familiar with my own and know how I like to be given head... it's totally different giving it to receiving it. I felt like I was traversing a whole new landscape. I'd like to try it again.
17. I was almost 18 when I lost my virginity. It was sudden and unexpected and intense. It didn't hurt at all, it felt great, but of course, I didn't come. I remember reveling in the feeling of being bruised and tender and swollen between my thighs for days afterward. I felt wanton and womanly. It was awesome.
18. I've found that sensations are usually more intense and thus the sex is better when I've been drinking. I don't know if it's because alcohol heightens the physical nervous system, somehow turns me on more, lowers my inhibitions or simply dulls my thought processes so that I think and worry less, but I tend to be my most sexual when I've had a few.
19. It turns me on if a guy talks dirty while we're doing it, as long as I'm in the heat of the moment. But I'm shy about talking dirty back. I worry about sounding corny or amateurish.
20. I like the idea of an open relationship. No rules, no restrictions or expectations. No chance of being betrayed or feeling guilty. Free love and sex, baby. Yeah. Rock 'n' roll. I know it's probably like communism, though - an excellent ideal in theory, but far from practical.
21. In contrast to #20, I also daydream about a man wanting me with all his being, not being able to live without me, wanting me above all others, forever, and not wanting to share me. Having that unique connection and chemistry. "Soulmate." If my soulmate exists, though, I don't want us to find each other until I've explored and experimented a bit more. Give me a few more years before I become traditional and respectable and settled.
22. I've been single for all my 23 years. I'm proud of being an independent woman who doesn't need a man to validate her own existence. But I do get lonely, a lot. It used to be that I craved sex like women crave chocolate or blokes crave beer. I had this empty, needy feeling in my pussy, this tingly irritating feeling all over my skin, that demanded cock and hands and a warm body. The cravings have subsided as I've gotten older. Now I mainly crave intimacy. I don't care about the sex so much as the companionship, the sharing of intimate feelings and the gentle touching and exploring, the connection. I just want to be able to lay next to a body and enjoy each other's physicality and personality. Is this all just a symptom of maturing?
23. I've been "the other woman." I always swore I'd never betray another fellow female like that, by taking what was hers. But I've discovered that values and morals and principles, like sexual appetite, are constantly in flux, changing and reshaping as your experiences expand and your needs evolve. I actually decided that I would have sex with this guy for my sake, and put myself first, instead of abstaining for her sake, and putting someone else first. It was selfish, but I knew that at the time. I consciously allowed myself to do the selfish thing for once. Was it worth it? Well, I don't regret it. Gosh, it was such a really interesting experiment... You should have seen the drastically different reactions I got from my friends. Some said "Go for it, he's the one in the relationship so he has to shoulder the responsibility, if he doesn't cheat on his girlfriend with you he'll just do it with someone else anyway, it's not your concern." Others were horrified and shocked that I was even considering it. They just thought that it was a sacrilegious, bitchy, treacherous thing to do. I can understand and agree with both points of view. But sometimes living a life that's politically correct and ethically proper and completely selfless is just not living much at all.
24. I've tasted my own menstrual blood. I got the idea from Germaine Greer. She is one of my feminist idols. I don't think it's a big deal... bodily fluids, that is... it really baffles and saddens me that people can be so uptight about what's only natural.
25. I no longer just have sex with anyone, anytime. I just went through about 15 months of self-inflicted celibacy. I've been waiting for something; I'm still waiting. I'm sick of having a good time, then feeling empty and lonely afterward. I want to discover that connection, something more fulfilling. I dunno, maybe I'm looking for love and romance. I've only ever fucked, never "made love." I definitely want to experience it one day... soon. But I'm scared. I'm scared I won't be able to let myself go... I'm scared if I do I'll let them down, or they'll let me down. And I'm scared I'll never find whatever it is I'm looking for.
2. When I was younger, pubescent hormones and the wonder of discovery made me masturbate in the girls' toilets at school, on the back of a bus, in a dark cinema. What was risqué to me then is now vanilla. I need more to get off. My mind is like a wet slippery slope.
3. Sometimes I wonder if I'm a bad person, because I get off on fantasizing about immoral, taboo things. Normally I reassure myself that there's an important distinction between reality and fantasy, so it's all good.
4. I'm the only person who's ever made me come. I find this irritating but also kind of amusing. That's not to say I don't enjoy sex without orgasms. I just want to know that I'm capable of it. It's amusing, because it's as if I'm the only one with the "magic fingers." I alone have got the power!
5. I prefer girth to length. I love the feeling that I have to stretch to accept someone's genitalia inside me. Less so the feeling of my organs getting pummeled.
6. Instead of boxes and square labels, I look at sexuality as a spectrum. Sometimes I waver along the heterosexual end, sometimes the homosexual end, usually somewhere around the middle. Like a rainbow.
7. I always swallow. I just find the thought of spitting out someone's essence a huge slap in the face to them. And it would totally kill the buzz of what we've just done. Plus, sometimes it doesn't taste all that bad. The healthier the boy, the yummier.
8. My favorite moment in sex is when he comes inside me. He just goes still, probably temporarily unconscious... and I feel like he's given me a special part of himself, and I get to keep it. Me, I feel kind of proud... and cherished.
9. I love erotic fiction. Sexy literature. Mills & Boon novels. Despite being a commitment-phobe, I'm a huge romantic. I know, it's confusing.
10. Fave sex position? Haven't decided yet.... maybe doggy-style? I'm lazy.
11. When I masturbate I mainly stimulate my clit. But sometimes the mood will strike and I'll feel like getting a bit dirty with some anal action. Vaginal penetration is really only ever amazing when someone else is doing it to me.
12. Sometimes I feel pressure to come for the guy's sake. I get self-conscious when I'm not wet enough or into it enough, as if I'm letting him down. I don't want to hurt his feelings... but the more I think during sex, the more removed and distant I become, and the less pleasure I feel. It's a vicious cycle.
13. I was surprised to discover that I'm an exhibitionist. Not so much sex in public, although i have done that incidentally (very drunk). But i love to show off. I get disappointed when the lights aren't on. But having no sight can heighten your other senses too, so whatever.
14. I was a stripper for a year. I mostly loved it, the attention, the dancing, the hedonism, the nudity. I found it empowering. I loved doing something that so many women couldn't bring themselves to do. I like being a rebel, a daredevil, progressive and liberated and self-confident. But I had to get out.... it was lessening my opinion of men. I was beginning to resent and dislike them. And even though my body was in great shape from all the dancing, I could feel the late nights and makeup and booze aging me. Keeping up a sexy, flirtatious and provocative facade for male stimulation while simultaneously holding up a protective barrier is emotionally exhausting too. Some of the things that guys will believe and tell you--half the time I felt like a therapist. I don't know how some of those women do it for years and years. It's got to be one of the hardest (if well paid) jobs in the world, both physically and mentally. But in the end the ups couldn't justify the downs.
15. I'd like to be grabbed and thrown against a wall, over a desk, hands held back, hair pulled, butt slapped and pinched. There is something incredibly erotic about being dominated and out of control. Wild. Animalistic. Sexy. Also it's a huge turn on and ego-stroke to feel the physical evidence of how desperately you can make another person want to possess you.
16. I had a threesome with one of my best girlfriends at the time and her boyfriend. I'd always been attracted to them both, but she instigated it. She told me she'd been having dreams about me, about suckling my nipples, about the three of us dressing up in skimpy lingerie. So we decided to live it out. We all got really drunk, played spin the bottle, I gave them a little striptease, then we spent hours in bed together. It was exciting and nerve-racking and adventurous, if a little complicated... it's hard to choreograph three bodies so that they all fit together well... you've got to be careful no one gets left out. She was the first and only woman I've gone down on. I liked it, but I wasn't very good at it--I had no idea what to do. Unfortunately women aren't taught how to give oral to a woman. I was able to access info about giving blowjobs to guys from an early age... magazines, internet, friends.... but the female anatomy, even though I'm familiar with my own and know how I like to be given head... it's totally different giving it to receiving it. I felt like I was traversing a whole new landscape. I'd like to try it again.
17. I was almost 18 when I lost my virginity. It was sudden and unexpected and intense. It didn't hurt at all, it felt great, but of course, I didn't come. I remember reveling in the feeling of being bruised and tender and swollen between my thighs for days afterward. I felt wanton and womanly. It was awesome.
18. I've found that sensations are usually more intense and thus the sex is better when I've been drinking. I don't know if it's because alcohol heightens the physical nervous system, somehow turns me on more, lowers my inhibitions or simply dulls my thought processes so that I think and worry less, but I tend to be my most sexual when I've had a few.
19. It turns me on if a guy talks dirty while we're doing it, as long as I'm in the heat of the moment. But I'm shy about talking dirty back. I worry about sounding corny or amateurish.
20. I like the idea of an open relationship. No rules, no restrictions or expectations. No chance of being betrayed or feeling guilty. Free love and sex, baby. Yeah. Rock 'n' roll. I know it's probably like communism, though - an excellent ideal in theory, but far from practical.
21. In contrast to #20, I also daydream about a man wanting me with all his being, not being able to live without me, wanting me above all others, forever, and not wanting to share me. Having that unique connection and chemistry. "Soulmate." If my soulmate exists, though, I don't want us to find each other until I've explored and experimented a bit more. Give me a few more years before I become traditional and respectable and settled.
22. I've been single for all my 23 years. I'm proud of being an independent woman who doesn't need a man to validate her own existence. But I do get lonely, a lot. It used to be that I craved sex like women crave chocolate or blokes crave beer. I had this empty, needy feeling in my pussy, this tingly irritating feeling all over my skin, that demanded cock and hands and a warm body. The cravings have subsided as I've gotten older. Now I mainly crave intimacy. I don't care about the sex so much as the companionship, the sharing of intimate feelings and the gentle touching and exploring, the connection. I just want to be able to lay next to a body and enjoy each other's physicality and personality. Is this all just a symptom of maturing?
23. I've been "the other woman." I always swore I'd never betray another fellow female like that, by taking what was hers. But I've discovered that values and morals and principles, like sexual appetite, are constantly in flux, changing and reshaping as your experiences expand and your needs evolve. I actually decided that I would have sex with this guy for my sake, and put myself first, instead of abstaining for her sake, and putting someone else first. It was selfish, but I knew that at the time. I consciously allowed myself to do the selfish thing for once. Was it worth it? Well, I don't regret it. Gosh, it was such a really interesting experiment... You should have seen the drastically different reactions I got from my friends. Some said "Go for it, he's the one in the relationship so he has to shoulder the responsibility, if he doesn't cheat on his girlfriend with you he'll just do it with someone else anyway, it's not your concern." Others were horrified and shocked that I was even considering it. They just thought that it was a sacrilegious, bitchy, treacherous thing to do. I can understand and agree with both points of view. But sometimes living a life that's politically correct and ethically proper and completely selfless is just not living much at all.
24. I've tasted my own menstrual blood. I got the idea from Germaine Greer. She is one of my feminist idols. I don't think it's a big deal... bodily fluids, that is... it really baffles and saddens me that people can be so uptight about what's only natural.
25. I no longer just have sex with anyone, anytime. I just went through about 15 months of self-inflicted celibacy. I've been waiting for something; I'm still waiting. I'm sick of having a good time, then feeling empty and lonely afterward. I want to discover that connection, something more fulfilling. I dunno, maybe I'm looking for love and romance. I've only ever fucked, never "made love." I definitely want to experience it one day... soon. But I'm scared. I'm scared I won't be able to let myself go... I'm scared if I do I'll let them down, or they'll let me down. And I'm scared I'll never find whatever it is I'm looking for.
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