1. I'm a 53-year-old straight male, married 31 years.
2. I have no memory of this, but I have a feeling that my older brother molested me as a young child. We shared a bed until he was a teenager. He has always evoked a overwhelming emotional reaction in me. I don't have those feelings with any other siblings.
3. My penis is extremely small when flaccid although only slightly below average when erect. I received an injury to my testicular sack at the age of four. The injury is unrelated to the size of my penis, but together with #2, the result has been severe sexual insecurities.
4. The earliest sexual experiences I remember consist mainly of masturbating while looking at the underwear ads in a Sears catalog. This was as close as I got to pornography until I went to college and saw my first Playboy magazine.
5. I have looked at some form of pornography almost every day since college. I enjoy written stories more than pictures.
6. I believe those early catalog pictures planted the seeds of what grew into a lifelong lingerie fetish.
7. My favorite look is a woman in '50s style underwear, as long as she's wearing stockings.
8. I have always been attracted to what some call trashy women. My wife used to dress a little slutty and I really liked that.
9. I have never really had the desire to cross-dress, and lingerie by itself is not enticing. As an experiment, I tried on some lingerie once, but it did nothing for me. I felt and looked foolish.
10. The size of my penis, reading dirty stories, and the lingerie thing are the defining characteristics of my sexuality.
11. I had sex with three women before I met my wife. Two were basically one-night stands, and I had a steady girlfriend with whom I had oral sex several times.
12. I got married when I was 20, and have never had sex with anyone but my wife in 35 years.
13. I was only seriously tempted to cheat twice. Once, I drunkenly made out with a woman for a couple of minutes at a party. The second was a much more serious emotional affair that lasted several months. We never had sex, but we did make out fully clothed several times.
14. Insecurity about the size of my penis and the desire to remain faithful prevented me from having sex with the woman. I often wonder if God gave me a small penis in an attempt to keep me faithful.
15. My desires are much more kinky than those of my wife. This has been the major sexual frustration of my life and played a part in #13.
16. My wife and I had a pretty regular and enjoyable sex life for our first twenty years.
17. The only kink in which she indulged was lingerie. She got dressed up for sex about once a week, and I was never tempted by other women when she routinely wore sexy lingerie.
18. I've never had group sex, anal sex, BDSM, D/s or any other non-vanilla sex.
19. The term making love accurately describes our married sex life.
20. When my wife began menopause she lost almost all desire, sex became painful and we've only had intercourse once in the last few years.
21. I love her now more than ever, in spite of ever-growing sexual frustration.
22. She does give me a blowjob or a handjob every few weeks if I complain enough and become so horny I can't sleep. She does not seem to enjoy it and I feel like it is just another chore for her.
23. Because she no longer enjoys it, neither do I. We are trapped.
24. I would never force anyone to do anything, but I have strong domination fantasies. I wish my wife wanted to play the part of a submissive slut who needed a good spanking.
25. I live a life of torn emotions. I love my wife deeply but regret missing out on so very many sexual experiences.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
1. I'm a 46-year-old male, more gay than straight, and in a stable relationship with a man for 15 years now.
2. But: I'm less gay than I thought. That is, my heterosexual part has gained influence over the last years. Now, women are no longer something I would only touch with my eyes closed, even if there are still many more men than women I find attractive and erotically tempting.
3. Right now there's a woman in my life who just has to touch her neck with her hand to make me get an erection. There's never been anyone I've sexually desired as strongly as her, and I can imagine doing nearly anything in the wide spectrum of sex with her.
4. I'm glad to be able to live my sexuality free of any sense of guilt. It wasn't always this way. I felt liberation and full acceptance only after my coming-out, when I was already in my mid-twenties.
5. Masturbation is an equally valuable way of living sexuality as doing it with a partner.
6. I like being penetrated by a man (and do it actively, too, even if I prefer the passive role), but I would not like to penetrate a woman anally.
7. If you would want to call it a fetish: I do love tight underwear on men (and on myself).
8. One of the most erotic acts is undressing the underwear, the moment of realizing the total nakedness.
9. Nudity for itself has nothing to do with sex or eroticism, as far as I am concerned - it's a natural situation, and I have freed myself from the inhibition decreed by our society rather early in my life. I like to be naked as soon as temperatures allow it, and I generally swim in the nude.
10. Presenting myself naked in front of others doesn't create any problems for me. It seems like I have kind of an exhibitionistic side.
11. I can't say there are body regions that turn me on especially. It can be the lips, the chest, the voice or the ass, too. But I must admit that I do appreciate a beautiful cock a lot.
12. I feel very open towards various sexual practices, as long as there's neither blood nor shit involved. For some time now I've come to like S/M play in my imagination.
13. I've also had sex with two other people: mmm and mmf. I'm not too interested in mff, but wouldn't refuse if given the opportunity.
14. I'd like to have a slightly bigger cock, especially when flaccid, because i like the bulge in the pants. But overall I'm satisfied with what I have.
15. I really like having somebody cum on me.
16. Both my "first times" came quite as a surprise: With the woman after being in a sauna, with the man without any identifiable cause on the floor at night. Both were very quick, and I was ashamed afterwards.
17. While studying at university, I had nearly no sexual activity going on. But there were exceptions. I remember one week when I had sex with a total of two men and two women.
18. Anonymous sex can be nice, but I'm not very interested in it.
19. I like photographing masturbating men and also love to take their pictures while they're having sex. There are lots of pornographic pictures with myself as a subject, some taken by myself and some by other good photographers.
20. I watch a porno movie once a year, max--they're too artificial for my taste, but okay to jerk off to.
21. I have no problem speaking openly about my sexuality, and I do talk about it with anybody who is not too inhibited.
22. Sex toys are not necessary, but I don't mind their use. But I do like wearing a cock ring regularly, and I prefer the heavier ones made from metal over the leather ones.
23. I seem to have few erogenous zones -- and the nipples are absolutely not part of them.
24. I've had virtual sex (via telephone, chat, cam), but normally I don't enjoy it too much and I find it hard to come this way.
25. There's one topic about sex I'm not speaking about.
2. But: I'm less gay than I thought. That is, my heterosexual part has gained influence over the last years. Now, women are no longer something I would only touch with my eyes closed, even if there are still many more men than women I find attractive and erotically tempting.
3. Right now there's a woman in my life who just has to touch her neck with her hand to make me get an erection. There's never been anyone I've sexually desired as strongly as her, and I can imagine doing nearly anything in the wide spectrum of sex with her.
4. I'm glad to be able to live my sexuality free of any sense of guilt. It wasn't always this way. I felt liberation and full acceptance only after my coming-out, when I was already in my mid-twenties.
5. Masturbation is an equally valuable way of living sexuality as doing it with a partner.
6. I like being penetrated by a man (and do it actively, too, even if I prefer the passive role), but I would not like to penetrate a woman anally.
7. If you would want to call it a fetish: I do love tight underwear on men (and on myself).
8. One of the most erotic acts is undressing the underwear, the moment of realizing the total nakedness.
9. Nudity for itself has nothing to do with sex or eroticism, as far as I am concerned - it's a natural situation, and I have freed myself from the inhibition decreed by our society rather early in my life. I like to be naked as soon as temperatures allow it, and I generally swim in the nude.
10. Presenting myself naked in front of others doesn't create any problems for me. It seems like I have kind of an exhibitionistic side.
11. I can't say there are body regions that turn me on especially. It can be the lips, the chest, the voice or the ass, too. But I must admit that I do appreciate a beautiful cock a lot.
12. I feel very open towards various sexual practices, as long as there's neither blood nor shit involved. For some time now I've come to like S/M play in my imagination.
13. I've also had sex with two other people: mmm and mmf. I'm not too interested in mff, but wouldn't refuse if given the opportunity.
14. I'd like to have a slightly bigger cock, especially when flaccid, because i like the bulge in the pants. But overall I'm satisfied with what I have.
15. I really like having somebody cum on me.
16. Both my "first times" came quite as a surprise: With the woman after being in a sauna, with the man without any identifiable cause on the floor at night. Both were very quick, and I was ashamed afterwards.
17. While studying at university, I had nearly no sexual activity going on. But there were exceptions. I remember one week when I had sex with a total of two men and two women.
18. Anonymous sex can be nice, but I'm not very interested in it.
19. I like photographing masturbating men and also love to take their pictures while they're having sex. There are lots of pornographic pictures with myself as a subject, some taken by myself and some by other good photographers.
20. I watch a porno movie once a year, max--they're too artificial for my taste, but okay to jerk off to.
21. I have no problem speaking openly about my sexuality, and I do talk about it with anybody who is not too inhibited.
22. Sex toys are not necessary, but I don't mind their use. But I do like wearing a cock ring regularly, and I prefer the heavier ones made from metal over the leather ones.
23. I seem to have few erogenous zones -- and the nipples are absolutely not part of them.
24. I've had virtual sex (via telephone, chat, cam), but normally I don't enjoy it too much and I find it hard to come this way.
25. There's one topic about sex I'm not speaking about.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
1. I've not had sex (with a partner) for more than 5 years now. Not exactly by choice, but I'm surprised I don't really miss it.
2. I'm a 34-year-old woman, and I'm afraid I'm strictly hetero when it comes to sex, even though I often feel strong emotional and sometimes vaguely erotic attraction for women. I just feel absolutely no interest in interacting with female sexual organs (apart from mine, that is). I like looking at tits, though.
3. I've been in a stable monogamous relationship with a man for about 8 years now. During this time, we both have struggled a lot with more than one crisis, personal ones and some as a couple. While the relationship developed greatly, we "lost" the sexuality somewhere on the way. I feel a bit awkward about this, but I think I would be more than happy with the situation (see later) if I just could have some little stories or just serious flirtations aside.
4. But I really don't want to cheat on my partner. I cheated on everyone I was with before him, and I learned it kills the trust and the love if you have to hide such a big part of your emotional life. He is, unfortunately, strictly monogamous, so I stay with myself when it comes to sex. We'll see for how long. In the meantime, I really enjoy discovering my own ideas and dreams and feelings, without having to fulfill anybody's expectations.
5. At the age of 15, I was very worried about the question "Is sex WITH love possible?" and I still haven't fully found the answer (for me). Well, obviously it is possible, but I'm afraid I don't like it too much. Love (like in "staying with somebody for years, fully trusting and knowing each other, but also discussing who will buy toilet paper this week") feels so very much like the close relationship I have with my parents and sister, and wonderful, but it makes fucking this person sometimes boring, sometimes nearly obscene to me.
6. At the age of 18-28, I was very active, having lots of partners, all male, some of them ONS, some longer relations, sometimes two different men in the same day.
7. I am, honestly, quite overweight and not really good-looking, but the period in #6 taught me that I can be easily attractive nevertheless, even to men that are surrounded and desired by girls much more beautiful than me. This strengthened my self-confidence a lot and I really feel not ashamed of my body at all.
8. Generally I tend to terribly mess up love, attraction, sex and friendship, which brought many misunderstandings and unsatisfactory situations for me and lots of pain and delusion for the involved men. When I meet a fascinating person of any sex or age, I tend to confuse my enthusiasm with erotic interest. If the person isn't a probable partner ("wrong" sex or age, or married or gay or...), I get slightly confused by my feelings, but nothing happens and we can perhaps build a wonderful friendship. But if the person is, say, a single straight male, I hurry us to the next bedroom as soon as possible, and make him "prove" his interest in me. Then I'm satisfied and would like to be "just" friends. It doesn't work this way.
9. I just love love love the situation when a flirtation becomes real, when your hands touch for the first time, the long tension before a first kiss, the hesitating, the hands and eyes that discover the other one's always beautiful body, the many doubts of how far can I go, how far will he go? This turns me on more than anything and is totally lost to me as soon as sex becomes something "normal" with someone.
10. All of my longer relations (apart from the one I'm in now) were spawned from the situations described above, and lasted between one and five years, depending on when I found the courage to tell the men that I had never had intentions to have a relationship, had never loved them and just had always wanted to be friends (perhaps, at best, "with benefits"). In the meantime I impersonated a lovely girlfriend, including swearing eternal love and faking orgasms. I felt it to be my duty, because I created the misunderstanding in the beginning. Idiocy.
11. I had my first sex at the age of 18 with a man twice my age. We were not lovers, just friends, but I had a big crush on him and insisted and seduced him somehow. Looking back he was perhaps not a superhero in bed, but I was very excited by the whole thing, and he was so caring and respecting, and I liked it a lot! We met regularly for some months, to have wonderful intellectual discussions spiced up with some sex, and then I unfortunately got a "real" boyfriend of my age. I wanted to continue the affair, but I couldn't get used to the thought of cheating. (I learned later... ) This first story is still the one that worked best for me, seen from the aspect of sex vs. friendship.
12. While I am happily self-confident about my body, I notice that aging is not very kind to me recently. I haven't worked out before now, and I find being a little bigger while getting older makes a lot of movements difficult, back aches, everything less flexible... I am slightly preoccupied about the idea that, assuming I would find a way to have sex again, I will not be able to perform physically like I used to, and be "out of training" for too long. This is probably silly, but if I start working out sooner or later, it will be mainly for this fear.
13. Apart from getting very aroused by making new friendships, I have a strong interest in rough and non-consensual sex scenarios, from the sub side. I'm not into pain or spanking, more into bondage and/or a little rough treatment, humiliation and the feeling to be "wanted so much that he can't restrain himself from taking me" and being helpless. My first drawings and fragments of writing erotic stories of this kind go back to the age of ten.
14. While I find #13 nothing to be ashamed of, I'm still very conflicted about it. I've grown up with strong feminist ideas and I simply CANNOT allow a man to treat me like this. I had one relationship where the sex worked very well this way, but after a short period I hated and disapproved of the guy so much (because he obviously liked it) that I couldn't go on. I haven't found a solution to this yet. How can you like some asshole who enjoys treating people badly? And how can you keep your self-esteem up if you like being treated like dirt? I'm reading a lot about it, but it doesn't work for me yet. I wonder if I could permit the thought if it were with a woman? Just that this doesn't turn me on at all...
15. I do really enjoy anal sex, if it's done well.
16. And I like fellatio, especially for not-too-big guys... But I don't like receiving oral sex too much, it doesn't do much for me.
17. I nearly forgot to mention that I've never had an orgasm in the presence of somebody. This has never troubled me too much, I've had wonderful sex and enjoyed it greatly. The only unpleasant thing is that I always have to explain and justify, and the well-meaning guys will rub all parts of my body for hours just to make me come (even if I explain them that I'm fine and would like to sleep), so sooner or later I give in and fake one, just to make them stop. Which is a bad ending.
18. I've masturbated since I was ten, first with the shower. I learned to come by my hand much later (around 17) after many frustrating but determined tries. Vibrators or other tools don't work too well for me, but in the last months I've proudly learned to use my left hand instead of the right one. This was necessary mainly because I sometimes need the right one on the mouse...
19. I've always been interested in porn and very early found all the hiding places where my parents kept their erotic literature. I totally am a book person, so well-written erotic fiction works by far best for me, but sometimes I fall for pics and videos and get lost in a weird world between arousal and disgust for my own interest in rough sex, which very often leads me to see things I really, really disapprove of. Another problem is that I cannot stand artificial tits/fingernails/moaning, which excludes 90% of commercial porn.
20. My use of porn comes in waves. There are months in which I don't consume it at all, and 4-5 times a year I get sucked into a weekend full of porn and weird erotic dreams, which can continue for days. I'll masturbate on any occasion, daydream about every man I encounter and think about nothing but sex and porn. I start by reading soft stuff, sharpen my preferences, try out increasingly kinky topics and normally it ends when I involuntarily find a convincingly REAL rape-video, am totally turned off for the next two months, want to vomit and hate the world.
21. Recently, I seem to have found an alternative in the world of queer and sex-positive porn. Turns me on a lot, too, but in a totally different way, perhaps less strong, but it leaves me happy afterwards, not with this terrible aftertaste.
22. I find "feminine" behavior and looks in men incredibly attractive and arousing. Long-haired men can be sure of my attention and erotic interest, regardless of their looks or character (the latter is a problem sometimes...).
23. In general, I find the male body very beautiful, even of not classically beautiful men. And I love the moment of intimacy, when I get to see one naked for the first time. I could just look at him for hours.
24. Be it in friendship or love or sex, I've always been attracted by the idea of being a threesome with two men. In new surroundings I tend to befriend a "couple" of two male best friends, so we always go out as a threesome, talk about our problems as a threesome, and I feel accepted by both of them while I love witnessing their friendship as well. Additionally, I daydream of erotic experiments of this type, but I've never managed to create a situation of this kind.
25. The closest I ever got to #24 was lying between two male friends of mine in total darkness in a tent, kissing each of them and noticing that while caressing me, their hands touched and started caressing each other on my body. Once, their lips touched while they were both trying to kiss me, and they briefly kissed. Then we were interrupted (§$%#@!!!). Still, it's one of my hottest memories.
2. I'm a 34-year-old woman, and I'm afraid I'm strictly hetero when it comes to sex, even though I often feel strong emotional and sometimes vaguely erotic attraction for women. I just feel absolutely no interest in interacting with female sexual organs (apart from mine, that is). I like looking at tits, though.
3. I've been in a stable monogamous relationship with a man for about 8 years now. During this time, we both have struggled a lot with more than one crisis, personal ones and some as a couple. While the relationship developed greatly, we "lost" the sexuality somewhere on the way. I feel a bit awkward about this, but I think I would be more than happy with the situation (see later) if I just could have some little stories or just serious flirtations aside.
4. But I really don't want to cheat on my partner. I cheated on everyone I was with before him, and I learned it kills the trust and the love if you have to hide such a big part of your emotional life. He is, unfortunately, strictly monogamous, so I stay with myself when it comes to sex. We'll see for how long. In the meantime, I really enjoy discovering my own ideas and dreams and feelings, without having to fulfill anybody's expectations.
5. At the age of 15, I was very worried about the question "Is sex WITH love possible?" and I still haven't fully found the answer (for me). Well, obviously it is possible, but I'm afraid I don't like it too much. Love (like in "staying with somebody for years, fully trusting and knowing each other, but also discussing who will buy toilet paper this week") feels so very much like the close relationship I have with my parents and sister, and wonderful, but it makes fucking this person sometimes boring, sometimes nearly obscene to me.
6. At the age of 18-28, I was very active, having lots of partners, all male, some of them ONS, some longer relations, sometimes two different men in the same day.
7. I am, honestly, quite overweight and not really good-looking, but the period in #6 taught me that I can be easily attractive nevertheless, even to men that are surrounded and desired by girls much more beautiful than me. This strengthened my self-confidence a lot and I really feel not ashamed of my body at all.
8. Generally I tend to terribly mess up love, attraction, sex and friendship, which brought many misunderstandings and unsatisfactory situations for me and lots of pain and delusion for the involved men. When I meet a fascinating person of any sex or age, I tend to confuse my enthusiasm with erotic interest. If the person isn't a probable partner ("wrong" sex or age, or married or gay or...), I get slightly confused by my feelings, but nothing happens and we can perhaps build a wonderful friendship. But if the person is, say, a single straight male, I hurry us to the next bedroom as soon as possible, and make him "prove" his interest in me. Then I'm satisfied and would like to be "just" friends. It doesn't work this way.
9. I just love love love the situation when a flirtation becomes real, when your hands touch for the first time, the long tension before a first kiss, the hesitating, the hands and eyes that discover the other one's always beautiful body, the many doubts of how far can I go, how far will he go? This turns me on more than anything and is totally lost to me as soon as sex becomes something "normal" with someone.
10. All of my longer relations (apart from the one I'm in now) were spawned from the situations described above, and lasted between one and five years, depending on when I found the courage to tell the men that I had never had intentions to have a relationship, had never loved them and just had always wanted to be friends (perhaps, at best, "with benefits"). In the meantime I impersonated a lovely girlfriend, including swearing eternal love and faking orgasms. I felt it to be my duty, because I created the misunderstanding in the beginning. Idiocy.
11. I had my first sex at the age of 18 with a man twice my age. We were not lovers, just friends, but I had a big crush on him and insisted and seduced him somehow. Looking back he was perhaps not a superhero in bed, but I was very excited by the whole thing, and he was so caring and respecting, and I liked it a lot! We met regularly for some months, to have wonderful intellectual discussions spiced up with some sex, and then I unfortunately got a "real" boyfriend of my age. I wanted to continue the affair, but I couldn't get used to the thought of cheating. (I learned later... ) This first story is still the one that worked best for me, seen from the aspect of sex vs. friendship.
12. While I am happily self-confident about my body, I notice that aging is not very kind to me recently. I haven't worked out before now, and I find being a little bigger while getting older makes a lot of movements difficult, back aches, everything less flexible... I am slightly preoccupied about the idea that, assuming I would find a way to have sex again, I will not be able to perform physically like I used to, and be "out of training" for too long. This is probably silly, but if I start working out sooner or later, it will be mainly for this fear.
13. Apart from getting very aroused by making new friendships, I have a strong interest in rough and non-consensual sex scenarios, from the sub side. I'm not into pain or spanking, more into bondage and/or a little rough treatment, humiliation and the feeling to be "wanted so much that he can't restrain himself from taking me" and being helpless. My first drawings and fragments of writing erotic stories of this kind go back to the age of ten.
14. While I find #13 nothing to be ashamed of, I'm still very conflicted about it. I've grown up with strong feminist ideas and I simply CANNOT allow a man to treat me like this. I had one relationship where the sex worked very well this way, but after a short period I hated and disapproved of the guy so much (because he obviously liked it) that I couldn't go on. I haven't found a solution to this yet. How can you like some asshole who enjoys treating people badly? And how can you keep your self-esteem up if you like being treated like dirt? I'm reading a lot about it, but it doesn't work for me yet. I wonder if I could permit the thought if it were with a woman? Just that this doesn't turn me on at all...
15. I do really enjoy anal sex, if it's done well.
16. And I like fellatio, especially for not-too-big guys... But I don't like receiving oral sex too much, it doesn't do much for me.
17. I nearly forgot to mention that I've never had an orgasm in the presence of somebody. This has never troubled me too much, I've had wonderful sex and enjoyed it greatly. The only unpleasant thing is that I always have to explain and justify, and the well-meaning guys will rub all parts of my body for hours just to make me come (even if I explain them that I'm fine and would like to sleep), so sooner or later I give in and fake one, just to make them stop. Which is a bad ending.
18. I've masturbated since I was ten, first with the shower. I learned to come by my hand much later (around 17) after many frustrating but determined tries. Vibrators or other tools don't work too well for me, but in the last months I've proudly learned to use my left hand instead of the right one. This was necessary mainly because I sometimes need the right one on the mouse...
19. I've always been interested in porn and very early found all the hiding places where my parents kept their erotic literature. I totally am a book person, so well-written erotic fiction works by far best for me, but sometimes I fall for pics and videos and get lost in a weird world between arousal and disgust for my own interest in rough sex, which very often leads me to see things I really, really disapprove of. Another problem is that I cannot stand artificial tits/fingernails/moaning, which excludes 90% of commercial porn.
20. My use of porn comes in waves. There are months in which I don't consume it at all, and 4-5 times a year I get sucked into a weekend full of porn and weird erotic dreams, which can continue for days. I'll masturbate on any occasion, daydream about every man I encounter and think about nothing but sex and porn. I start by reading soft stuff, sharpen my preferences, try out increasingly kinky topics and normally it ends when I involuntarily find a convincingly REAL rape-video, am totally turned off for the next two months, want to vomit and hate the world.
21. Recently, I seem to have found an alternative in the world of queer and sex-positive porn. Turns me on a lot, too, but in a totally different way, perhaps less strong, but it leaves me happy afterwards, not with this terrible aftertaste.
22. I find "feminine" behavior and looks in men incredibly attractive and arousing. Long-haired men can be sure of my attention and erotic interest, regardless of their looks or character (the latter is a problem sometimes...).
23. In general, I find the male body very beautiful, even of not classically beautiful men. And I love the moment of intimacy, when I get to see one naked for the first time. I could just look at him for hours.
24. Be it in friendship or love or sex, I've always been attracted by the idea of being a threesome with two men. In new surroundings I tend to befriend a "couple" of two male best friends, so we always go out as a threesome, talk about our problems as a threesome, and I feel accepted by both of them while I love witnessing their friendship as well. Additionally, I daydream of erotic experiments of this type, but I've never managed to create a situation of this kind.
25. The closest I ever got to #24 was lying between two male friends of mine in total darkness in a tent, kissing each of them and noticing that while caressing me, their hands touched and started caressing each other on my body. Once, their lips touched while they were both trying to kiss me, and they briefly kissed. Then we were interrupted (§$%#@!!!). Still, it's one of my hottest memories.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
1. I identify (and present) as male, and I don't consider myself androgynous at all. But I also don't feel obligated to follow the socially prescribed behaviors that come attached to one's sex. I see no reason for the apelike chest-beating guys often engage in. I don't subscribe to the "real men should always do this or that, and never do x or y" crap. Masculinity itself has become a caricature. We’re expected to aspire to these played-out clichés and try to show that we're the most alpha-take-charge-manly-man guy in the room. We're supposed to be the crotch-scratching, money-throwing, willing-to-do-anything-for-sex, drunken, sports-team-cheering types who aren’t able to have conversations about how we feel and what we need. Personally, I refuse to be that. It’s not who I am. For me, masculinity has two faces. There’s the sexy, comfortable side, and there’s the prefabricated stereotypical sludge that others push on us. Game-playing and one-upmanship are not masculinity.
2. To me, BDSM play is sexual in nature, even if the actions themselves aren't. (D/s may or may not be sexual, depending on the situation.) The play doesn't have to directly involve sex of any kind, but there's an underlying vibe of sexuality during a scene. It's sexy and usually turns on those who are doing the playing.
3. When it comes to sexual partners, I prefer quality over quantity.
4. I am a heterosexual cisgendered man. I refuse to let anyone make me feel guilty about that.
5. I'm not one of those people who always knew they had an interest in BDSM. I developed that interest when I was in my early 20s. I do have a foot fetish, though, which I recognized fairly early on. I can remember checking out some of my classmates' feet as early as 5th grade. When I say "fetish" I don't mean the obsessive "I need this in order to get off" type fetish. Rather, I see a fetish as simply one interest I have.
6. I was kicked in the balls once in high school. It made me lightheaded, and I didn't enjoy any aspect of it. Now, I find ball-kicking incredibly sexy. Cringe-inducing and intense, but sexy. I highly doubt the fact that it turns me on is related to the high school incident, though. Just goes to show that fetishes can evolve over time. For the longest time, the thought of ball-kicking was off-putting to me; now, it's something that gets me hot.
7. Exclusivity is valuable to me, whether it's emotional exclusivity or sexual exclusivity. Giving something to your partner, something you're not giving to anyone else, speaks volumes about your feelings for that person. It's a way of showing them that they're special. It means a lot more than something store-bought. If anything, I place more value on emotional exclusivity than sexual exclusivity.
8. Because I value exclusivity, I've occasionally felt like a pariah in the BDSM community. "Bi-poly-switch-swinger" sometimes seems to be the standard. But I realize that these folks are simply more vocal, and in talking with lots of people, I've found there are a very large number who feel the same way I do.
9. Many things in BDSM carry a dual nature for me. A certain form of play might make my brain scream "yes" and "no" at the same time. I genuinely want it to stop when it's happening, but later on I might look back on it and think, "wow, that was really hot!" as well as, "wow, that really sucked!" This is true for lots of activities/fetishes, and play that has this two-pronged contradictory quality is the play I get off on the most.
10. "Dominating the mouth" is powerful. The mouth is one of the most guarded, almost sacred parts of the body. We protect our mouths carefully. Being made to take something into it has a strong effect on me. Foot/armpit worship, spit, cum, sock gags, piss, strap-on fellatio... they all hit me hard. This kind of play is horrible, dirty, and sexy.
11. I've never orgasmed from oral. It feels fantastic, but it's not enough to get me off.
12. Enforced chastity doesn't mean we don't have sex. My Mistress keeps the key around her neck, so we can have sex whenever she likes. She just makes sure I don't orgasm when we do. Chastity doesn't suppress the sex drive; rather, it enhances it to an almost intolerable level.
13. I didn't lose my virginity until after high school. There were opportunities for casual sex, but I passed on those. And I was too preoccupied with partying to pursue a meaningful relationship at the time.
14. Blood play turns me on. Obviously in non-vital amounts. So primal and feral. Having blood forcibly removed from my body while I can only struggle and watch is a powerful experience.
15. For that matter, force in general is one of the hottest things ever. Adding force, bondage, or helplessness of some form increases the sexiness of just about anything.
16. I'm a firm believer that there need to be more birth control options for men. Our reproductive systems are simpler than women's, so I don't understand why nothing has been developed yet. Men would be able to take more responsibility for birth control, plus it would give us control over our own reproductive rights. Currently our only non-surgical option is to slap a balloon on it. And this balloon desensitizes quite a bit, while having a less-than-stellar failure rate compared to other methods of birth control.
17. I currently consider myself hetero, but would be open to playing and/or sex with another man if I ever found one I was attracted to. I have yet to meet one. I can generally tell when a guy would be considered attractive by others, even if I'm not attracted to him myself.
18. The internet almost scared me away from getting involved in the local BDSM community. I saw so much about protocol, ritual and structure that it put me off of the idea of going to any local events. From those I talked with online, it seemed like the majority of BDSMers were deeply into these things, and that's definitely not my style of submission. But once I got involved locally, I realized that the majority of people aren't heavily into these.
19. Being pushed hard is a fetish for me. Being made to take more than I think I can take is an all-encompassing experience. "Intense" doesn't even begin to describe it. Even in spite of the strong "no" I feel at the time, there's a sense of catharsis afterward. And in a relationship, being pushed that hard can strengthen the d/s between us. It adds to the extent of her power over me; she's still doing what she wants to do even if I'm screaming "no" into the gag and thrashing against the bonds with everything I've got.
20. After typing that last bit, I'm now rather turned on.
21. It's extremely rare for me to be able to get off when using a condom. My PA desensitized my cock head a little, so it's difficult to feel enough to orgasm when wearing a condom. In spite of that, the intimacy is still really important to me.
22. I'm curious about slave branding. For me, a stable, long-term relationship is prerequisite. And we'd have to get rid of my ability to safeword if we were to do this. Scary. Intimidating. Sexy.
23. I'm extremely visual. This is a big part of why blindfolds don't do much for me. It's also one reason I really enjoy woman-on-top sexual positions; the point of view is incredible. (Plus there's the control aspect, but that's another topic.)
24. I am multi-orgasmic. This is a learned ability, not an inherent one. The trick is in learning to separate orgasm from ejaculation. The "drop" most men feel after orgasm comes from hormones released after ejaculation. Once you learn to orgasm without ejaculating, you're golden. When I masturbate to orgasm, I typically don't come unless I'm told to.
25. For a while, I considered myself "byproduct-curious." I had a mild curiosity about my Mistress making me eat other men's cum from her pussy, soles, or asshole when we first started seeing each other. We also talked about her snowballing other men's cum with me, or gagging me with her cum-drenched panties or socks. The other men involved would essentially be sperm donors who left after getting off. But after she started making me eat my own cum, I remembered how much I dislike eating cum. Hot in my head, eew in reality. So I started having second thoughts. And this only made her want to do it even more. 99% of the time, I'm firmly on the "no" side, though when I'm on the edge of orgasm, it sounds like a hot idea. She taunts me occasionally that this will become a frequent, regular part of our play. That thought kind of makes me nervous, mainly because I know it's not an idle threat.
2. To me, BDSM play is sexual in nature, even if the actions themselves aren't. (D/s may or may not be sexual, depending on the situation.) The play doesn't have to directly involve sex of any kind, but there's an underlying vibe of sexuality during a scene. It's sexy and usually turns on those who are doing the playing.
3. When it comes to sexual partners, I prefer quality over quantity.
4. I am a heterosexual cisgendered man. I refuse to let anyone make me feel guilty about that.
5. I'm not one of those people who always knew they had an interest in BDSM. I developed that interest when I was in my early 20s. I do have a foot fetish, though, which I recognized fairly early on. I can remember checking out some of my classmates' feet as early as 5th grade. When I say "fetish" I don't mean the obsessive "I need this in order to get off" type fetish. Rather, I see a fetish as simply one interest I have.
6. I was kicked in the balls once in high school. It made me lightheaded, and I didn't enjoy any aspect of it. Now, I find ball-kicking incredibly sexy. Cringe-inducing and intense, but sexy. I highly doubt the fact that it turns me on is related to the high school incident, though. Just goes to show that fetishes can evolve over time. For the longest time, the thought of ball-kicking was off-putting to me; now, it's something that gets me hot.
7. Exclusivity is valuable to me, whether it's emotional exclusivity or sexual exclusivity. Giving something to your partner, something you're not giving to anyone else, speaks volumes about your feelings for that person. It's a way of showing them that they're special. It means a lot more than something store-bought. If anything, I place more value on emotional exclusivity than sexual exclusivity.
8. Because I value exclusivity, I've occasionally felt like a pariah in the BDSM community. "Bi-poly-switch-swinger" sometimes seems to be the standard. But I realize that these folks are simply more vocal, and in talking with lots of people, I've found there are a very large number who feel the same way I do.
9. Many things in BDSM carry a dual nature for me. A certain form of play might make my brain scream "yes" and "no" at the same time. I genuinely want it to stop when it's happening, but later on I might look back on it and think, "wow, that was really hot!" as well as, "wow, that really sucked!" This is true for lots of activities/fetishes, and play that has this two-pronged contradictory quality is the play I get off on the most.
10. "Dominating the mouth" is powerful. The mouth is one of the most guarded, almost sacred parts of the body. We protect our mouths carefully. Being made to take something into it has a strong effect on me. Foot/armpit worship, spit, cum, sock gags, piss, strap-on fellatio... they all hit me hard. This kind of play is horrible, dirty, and sexy.
11. I've never orgasmed from oral. It feels fantastic, but it's not enough to get me off.
12. Enforced chastity doesn't mean we don't have sex. My Mistress keeps the key around her neck, so we can have sex whenever she likes. She just makes sure I don't orgasm when we do. Chastity doesn't suppress the sex drive; rather, it enhances it to an almost intolerable level.
13. I didn't lose my virginity until after high school. There were opportunities for casual sex, but I passed on those. And I was too preoccupied with partying to pursue a meaningful relationship at the time.
14. Blood play turns me on. Obviously in non-vital amounts. So primal and feral. Having blood forcibly removed from my body while I can only struggle and watch is a powerful experience.
15. For that matter, force in general is one of the hottest things ever. Adding force, bondage, or helplessness of some form increases the sexiness of just about anything.
16. I'm a firm believer that there need to be more birth control options for men. Our reproductive systems are simpler than women's, so I don't understand why nothing has been developed yet. Men would be able to take more responsibility for birth control, plus it would give us control over our own reproductive rights. Currently our only non-surgical option is to slap a balloon on it. And this balloon desensitizes quite a bit, while having a less-than-stellar failure rate compared to other methods of birth control.
17. I currently consider myself hetero, but would be open to playing and/or sex with another man if I ever found one I was attracted to. I have yet to meet one. I can generally tell when a guy would be considered attractive by others, even if I'm not attracted to him myself.
18. The internet almost scared me away from getting involved in the local BDSM community. I saw so much about protocol, ritual and structure that it put me off of the idea of going to any local events. From those I talked with online, it seemed like the majority of BDSMers were deeply into these things, and that's definitely not my style of submission. But once I got involved locally, I realized that the majority of people aren't heavily into these.
19. Being pushed hard is a fetish for me. Being made to take more than I think I can take is an all-encompassing experience. "Intense" doesn't even begin to describe it. Even in spite of the strong "no" I feel at the time, there's a sense of catharsis afterward. And in a relationship, being pushed that hard can strengthen the d/s between us. It adds to the extent of her power over me; she's still doing what she wants to do even if I'm screaming "no" into the gag and thrashing against the bonds with everything I've got.
20. After typing that last bit, I'm now rather turned on.
21. It's extremely rare for me to be able to get off when using a condom. My PA desensitized my cock head a little, so it's difficult to feel enough to orgasm when wearing a condom. In spite of that, the intimacy is still really important to me.
22. I'm curious about slave branding. For me, a stable, long-term relationship is prerequisite. And we'd have to get rid of my ability to safeword if we were to do this. Scary. Intimidating. Sexy.
23. I'm extremely visual. This is a big part of why blindfolds don't do much for me. It's also one reason I really enjoy woman-on-top sexual positions; the point of view is incredible. (Plus there's the control aspect, but that's another topic.)
24. I am multi-orgasmic. This is a learned ability, not an inherent one. The trick is in learning to separate orgasm from ejaculation. The "drop" most men feel after orgasm comes from hormones released after ejaculation. Once you learn to orgasm without ejaculating, you're golden. When I masturbate to orgasm, I typically don't come unless I'm told to.
25. For a while, I considered myself "byproduct-curious." I had a mild curiosity about my Mistress making me eat other men's cum from her pussy, soles, or asshole when we first started seeing each other. We also talked about her snowballing other men's cum with me, or gagging me with her cum-drenched panties or socks. The other men involved would essentially be sperm donors who left after getting off. But after she started making me eat my own cum, I remembered how much I dislike eating cum. Hot in my head, eew in reality. So I started having second thoughts. And this only made her want to do it even more. 99% of the time, I'm firmly on the "no" side, though when I'm on the edge of orgasm, it sounds like a hot idea. She taunts me occasionally that this will become a frequent, regular part of our play. That thought kind of makes me nervous, mainly because I know it's not an idle threat.
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