1. I am 22 years old, and a cisgendered female in a very happy relationship with another woman.
2. My girlfriend and I have amazing sex that almost always results in orgasm(s).
3. I hate the word lesbian and use "queer" if I have to label myself. Gay is my favorite term.
4. My first relationship and sexual experiences were with my high school boyfriend. I broke up with him after nearly a year, when we were both in college.
5. The first time he felt my breasts, I didn’t even notice. We were looking at the stars in the back of his pickup truck and when I asked him how high on my chest he felt, he said "to your sternum." I was disappointed that I didn’t feel anything.
6. I told him flat out I wouldn’t have sex with him, and refused to go down on him, although he went down on me once. When I mentally compared my desire for penis vs. vagina, I started to accept that maybe I really was more into girls.
7. I hooked up with a few guys during college, mostly after dancing with them. I find dancing incredibly sexy.
8. I came out junior year of college, and wish I had done so earlier, because I was suddenly a hot item among the ladies, gay and straight, on campus. Sometimes I imagine the sexual possibilities I might have missed out on.
9. I hardly remember the first time I had sex with a woman. I was black-out drunk and we did it outside on a campus athletic field. I think this is unfortunate, but can’t say I truly regret it.
10. I love to be dominated in bed. Nothing gets me more excited than when my girlfriend takes charge, pins my hands against the wall, and fucks me roughly. I’ve suggested handcuffs, and she suggested a dildo, but we haven’t done it… yet.
11. I love eating pussy and especially when she grabs my hair and screams.
12. I have a fetish for wet and messy play. I’ve never told anybody.
13. I discovered porn when I was in sixth or seventh grade, and have always preferred gay men going at it. I think I’m drawn to the aggression.
14. Around the same time, I began devising elaborate plots to get my female friends to pie me in the face. It turned me on, but I didn’t realize I was being turned on. I remember examining my underwear to see if I was wet. It was soaked.
15. Later, I discovered masturbation with the help of the bathtub, after innocently thinking to wash my vagina extra well since I was on my period. I thought I was having sex the first time.
16. I was raised Lutheran and have overcome more than a few ingrained religious qualms to become the sex-positive person I am today, minus the religion.
17. I would love to get fucked with a strap-on.
18. I masturbate a lot. Sometimes just to sleep, I usually don’t put that much effort into it. I never have trouble reaching orgasm, but in extremely high-stress situations, I can’t come.
19. When I’m really turned on, my saliva tastes different. This only happens with my girlfriend. I like it.
20. When I came out to my parents, my dad was totally cool. My mom wasn’t. I’m not allowed to tell my brother, I’m never going to tell my grandma. My mom’s trying hard though. It was probably the scariest thing I’ve ever done.
21. After I told my dad about my girlfriend, he advised me to wait for sex (too late, I thought) because he and mom had waited until marriage. Why would I wait for sex if I can’t legally get married where I live?
22. The first time my girlfriend really fucked me, I had asked her to do it, then got overwhelmed and had to stop. I was a little disappointed, but it was actually a really intimate experience.
23. I want to cut my hair short, but have been nervous about the associations that come with it. I think I’m going to do it this fall.
24. I am really turned on by the idea of people coming on each other, although I hate the traditional porn style man-comes-on-woman’s face. I’d like to make my girlfriend ejaculate all over me.
25. I want sex more frequently than my girlfriend. If she bites when we make out, then I know it’s on.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
1. I am a 29 year old female biologically, though I identify as genderqueer. I am not butch, or femme, but rather I dance all over gender lines whenever I feel like it and therefore think queer is the best term.
2. I was molested by two different people growing up. One was a boy who lived downstairs from me when I was eight. The other was a man who moved in with my mother and me when I was eleven. I can forgive the boy. I think he was hurt by someone, and he was only twelve. I can never forgive the man. I made a secret account on Facebook of a girl who was seriously underage and looked him up to see if he was still a pervert. He made a big show of saying how we couldn't talk like that "officially" and how that shit always got him in trouble. I'll never forgive him.
3. I first consented to sex when I was fifteen. I didn't have an orgasm during sex until I was twenty-three. I spent eight years thinking I was broken. I still have only had one orgasm during sex when I wasn't on top.
4. My sexual fantasies often feature incest, abuse, or molestation scenarios. I used to hate myself for that and think I must have wanted it. I have since read a lot of shit that says that's the healthiest way for a mind to cope with that level of abuse. I often read very depraved stories, but I always look for sites with disclaimers about how it's all fiction. Anything else turns my stomach.
5. I often fantasize about having a penis. I bought a sex toy that seats inside with one end and protrudes like an attached cock, and I love it. Sometimes I jerk it off until I come with the base of it mashing my clit.
6. My first boyfriend would routinely ask me, before giving oral sex, if I'd taken a shower that day, and if I had taken one recently enough. Since then I've never really gotten over it. I don't much like receiving oral sex. It induces too much anxiety about taste and smell, and only one or two boyfriends have ever overcome it enough to make it comfortable.
7. I hate sleeping in a bed with someone about 90% of the time. Every once in a long time it's okay, but I often have nightmares or freak out about someone touching me in my sleep due to the early shit in my life.
8. I find the notion of impregnation to be incredibly sensual and hot, but actually tend to fantasize about it from the male perspective.
9. I hate the smell of semen leaking out of me. It smells horrible, far worse than coming out of a penis, and far worse than I ever smell. I resent that men think that smell is a woman's fault. It's theirs.
10. When someone says the word, "rape," I tense up. It's not because I'm experiencing flashbacks or starting to freak out. It's because I don't want them to know my secrets and I'm afraid they can tell. Sometimes it's because they're using the word so casually that I get nauseous.
11. Almost all of my sex life is online with someone I love. I don't have healthy sexual relationships. I tend to be really sexual for a few months. Then something happens and we don't have sex for a while. Then they bring it up in an accusing way, and I never want to touch them again.
12. I once masturbated in the pew of a church. Just to be perverse. It was during a service.
13. I love gay erotic photos. I'm not very fond of gonzo, super tan, daddy spank twink type porn. I like the realistic ones that are actual couples, and not airbrushed. I especially love nudes of men that look vulnerable or ecstatic.
14. I have come to the understanding that with my genderqueer outlook, there are some men I am attracted to, and some men I admire and want to be like. Too often, I date people I admire and want to be like instead of people I'm attracted to. It's hardest to tell with men, because I'm not a man. With women I can tell better. I can relate what I wish I could look like, and realize I just admire her like a portrait or a sculpture. With men it's more dangerous. I've nearly married a man who I wasn't attracted to.
15. My first sexual experience was not the molestation. Or rather, it happened right around then. I messed around playing doctor with a young boy my age. It was probably the only thing that saved me from thinking sex was a vile abusive world of shit. I gave my first blowjob around that age, though it wasn't very extensive.
16. I was once incredibly impressionable and would do things like grow my hair out and wear it long for years because cute guys told me it would look hot. Funny, none of them ever wanted me when it was long. I was still some annoying idiot to them or something, and then I was apparently a moron too. I no longer care, and often stubbornly choose my own way even when I might've compromised before.
17. I have dealbreakers when I date someone I'm attracted to. People say you have to compromise. But there are things I don't compromise on anymore. Gay marriage should be a right, oral sex on women is not "gross," no one gets to tell me to shave my legs but me, and my gender is still paid 30% less than men and that sucks.
18. I'm polyamorous. That's by choice, because I don't want to be solely responsible for one person's sexuality. I shouldn't be anyway. It bothers me that many men and some women think that once you're in a relationship, they're "owed" release regularly in order to stay in a relationship. So I'm poly, because if he/she can get it somewhere else, I can tell them no. It's a poor substitute for actual sexual rights and agency, but it works.
19. I have been in threesomes with 8 different couples. This came mostly from being "the bi open chick" in a social circle. Of all of those couples, only one couple ever made me feel welcome and loved for who I was. I still sleep with them sometimes, 7 years later. I don't even see any of the other couples, but none of them are still together. I think there's some link there.
20. I have a refractory period. Boasting assholes inevitably say, "Oh, I could make you multiple orgasm!" and I tend to say, "You could try, and I'd kick you in the face." My pussy gets too sensitive to touch for about five minutes after I come, and only something inside it is okay, not something on my clit. It takes about ten minutes all told to be able to start working on an orgasm again, minimum. Usually I need a lot more stimulation. I have never come more than once in one 'session' with a partner, ever.
21. I have had the most mindblowing sex of my life by pretending to be asleep in a planned out scene with someone I trusted. It wasn't planned in advance - just an idea we had on the spot. We often roleplayed incest or sleep abuse. I usually came incredibly hard.
22. I like semi-soft penises. The feeling of the softer skin curling and pushing into me as I rock and squeeze makes me come like nothing else. I often come after the guy because they let me keep riding them.
23. I first masturbated when I was five. I didn't know I was masturbating. I would put things in my pants and rock on the floor alone in my room.
24. I'm really good at giving head. Men or women. While I have had bad experiences with smell or taste, I never, ever say a word. My own experience tells me they'll never recover from it.
25. I don't shave my legs unless I feel like it, and any man who doesn't like that can go fuck himself. He sure won't be fucking me.
2. I was molested by two different people growing up. One was a boy who lived downstairs from me when I was eight. The other was a man who moved in with my mother and me when I was eleven. I can forgive the boy. I think he was hurt by someone, and he was only twelve. I can never forgive the man. I made a secret account on Facebook of a girl who was seriously underage and looked him up to see if he was still a pervert. He made a big show of saying how we couldn't talk like that "officially" and how that shit always got him in trouble. I'll never forgive him.
3. I first consented to sex when I was fifteen. I didn't have an orgasm during sex until I was twenty-three. I spent eight years thinking I was broken. I still have only had one orgasm during sex when I wasn't on top.
4. My sexual fantasies often feature incest, abuse, or molestation scenarios. I used to hate myself for that and think I must have wanted it. I have since read a lot of shit that says that's the healthiest way for a mind to cope with that level of abuse. I often read very depraved stories, but I always look for sites with disclaimers about how it's all fiction. Anything else turns my stomach.
5. I often fantasize about having a penis. I bought a sex toy that seats inside with one end and protrudes like an attached cock, and I love it. Sometimes I jerk it off until I come with the base of it mashing my clit.
6. My first boyfriend would routinely ask me, before giving oral sex, if I'd taken a shower that day, and if I had taken one recently enough. Since then I've never really gotten over it. I don't much like receiving oral sex. It induces too much anxiety about taste and smell, and only one or two boyfriends have ever overcome it enough to make it comfortable.
7. I hate sleeping in a bed with someone about 90% of the time. Every once in a long time it's okay, but I often have nightmares or freak out about someone touching me in my sleep due to the early shit in my life.
8. I find the notion of impregnation to be incredibly sensual and hot, but actually tend to fantasize about it from the male perspective.
9. I hate the smell of semen leaking out of me. It smells horrible, far worse than coming out of a penis, and far worse than I ever smell. I resent that men think that smell is a woman's fault. It's theirs.
10. When someone says the word, "rape," I tense up. It's not because I'm experiencing flashbacks or starting to freak out. It's because I don't want them to know my secrets and I'm afraid they can tell. Sometimes it's because they're using the word so casually that I get nauseous.
11. Almost all of my sex life is online with someone I love. I don't have healthy sexual relationships. I tend to be really sexual for a few months. Then something happens and we don't have sex for a while. Then they bring it up in an accusing way, and I never want to touch them again.
12. I once masturbated in the pew of a church. Just to be perverse. It was during a service.
13. I love gay erotic photos. I'm not very fond of gonzo, super tan, daddy spank twink type porn. I like the realistic ones that are actual couples, and not airbrushed. I especially love nudes of men that look vulnerable or ecstatic.
14. I have come to the understanding that with my genderqueer outlook, there are some men I am attracted to, and some men I admire and want to be like. Too often, I date people I admire and want to be like instead of people I'm attracted to. It's hardest to tell with men, because I'm not a man. With women I can tell better. I can relate what I wish I could look like, and realize I just admire her like a portrait or a sculpture. With men it's more dangerous. I've nearly married a man who I wasn't attracted to.
15. My first sexual experience was not the molestation. Or rather, it happened right around then. I messed around playing doctor with a young boy my age. It was probably the only thing that saved me from thinking sex was a vile abusive world of shit. I gave my first blowjob around that age, though it wasn't very extensive.
16. I was once incredibly impressionable and would do things like grow my hair out and wear it long for years because cute guys told me it would look hot. Funny, none of them ever wanted me when it was long. I was still some annoying idiot to them or something, and then I was apparently a moron too. I no longer care, and often stubbornly choose my own way even when I might've compromised before.
17. I have dealbreakers when I date someone I'm attracted to. People say you have to compromise. But there are things I don't compromise on anymore. Gay marriage should be a right, oral sex on women is not "gross," no one gets to tell me to shave my legs but me, and my gender is still paid 30% less than men and that sucks.
18. I'm polyamorous. That's by choice, because I don't want to be solely responsible for one person's sexuality. I shouldn't be anyway. It bothers me that many men and some women think that once you're in a relationship, they're "owed" release regularly in order to stay in a relationship. So I'm poly, because if he/she can get it somewhere else, I can tell them no. It's a poor substitute for actual sexual rights and agency, but it works.
19. I have been in threesomes with 8 different couples. This came mostly from being "the bi open chick" in a social circle. Of all of those couples, only one couple ever made me feel welcome and loved for who I was. I still sleep with them sometimes, 7 years later. I don't even see any of the other couples, but none of them are still together. I think there's some link there.
20. I have a refractory period. Boasting assholes inevitably say, "Oh, I could make you multiple orgasm!" and I tend to say, "You could try, and I'd kick you in the face." My pussy gets too sensitive to touch for about five minutes after I come, and only something inside it is okay, not something on my clit. It takes about ten minutes all told to be able to start working on an orgasm again, minimum. Usually I need a lot more stimulation. I have never come more than once in one 'session' with a partner, ever.
21. I have had the most mindblowing sex of my life by pretending to be asleep in a planned out scene with someone I trusted. It wasn't planned in advance - just an idea we had on the spot. We often roleplayed incest or sleep abuse. I usually came incredibly hard.
22. I like semi-soft penises. The feeling of the softer skin curling and pushing into me as I rock and squeeze makes me come like nothing else. I often come after the guy because they let me keep riding them.
23. I first masturbated when I was five. I didn't know I was masturbating. I would put things in my pants and rock on the floor alone in my room.
24. I'm really good at giving head. Men or women. While I have had bad experiences with smell or taste, I never, ever say a word. My own experience tells me they'll never recover from it.
25. I don't shave my legs unless I feel like it, and any man who doesn't like that can go fuck himself. He sure won't be fucking me.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
1. I am a 27 year old cisgender female. I’m a virgin.
2. I have fallen in love a few times, but the moment I try to imagine anyone in a sexual way, my brain shuts off and with it goes my attraction.
3. Over the past year I’ve realized that I am asexual, and I only feel comfortable with that label because I know that I’m not straight or gay.
4. Everyone thinks I’m a lesbian, especially my lesbian friends. A few have hinted that they’re waiting for me to come out. When I told one of them that I was asexual, hoping for solidarity, she paused and said, “Just stick with ‘queer.’”
5. I don’t feel that anything is missing from my life because I don’t have sex. I don’t feel like a social outcast, though other people seem to think I must be.
6. I’ve kissed/slightly made out with three men, all technically boyfriends. All three tried to take things further, and thankfully, all three stopped when I told them I wasn’t comfortable. I liked kissing, and them, very much but did not feel the need to move beyond that. As a result, I think I was thought of as a tease. I wish I could have explained to them what I know now. I haven’t been kissed in six years. Strangely, two of those three men went on to experiment with their gender and their sexual orientation and told me that it was my encouragement of their feminine sides that helped them to do so.
7. I fell in love with a married man. He doesn’t know that I’m asexual. When I told him that I thought my feelings for him were inappropriate, he told me that he is in an open marriage. We live in different countries but met in person, corresponding regularly in between the times we saw each other in person. He told me about his open marriage via anonymous email, which made me doubt the truthfulness of it. It was a year ago and I was so stunned that I never wrote back. We never talk about ourselves now, because I don't like knowing that he's "allowed" to have feelings for me. I worry about what would happen if I saw him again.
8. Four different married men, not including the one from #7, have told me that if they weren’t married they would want to be in a relationship with me. All of them were friends, and I felt very embarrassed by their admissions. I don’t know why I attract married men.
9. I’m physically disabled. I feel that this has no bearing whatsoever on my sexuality, but I know that most people wouldn’t agree. When I told my mother that I was asexual, she said, “That makes sense to me. I think it’s because of your intelligence.” I don’t think there’s a correlation, but her reaction made me happy. I haven’t told anyone else in my family, nor do I see a reason to.
10. When I find myself attracted to someone in a physical way, it’s always in an aesthetically evaluative way and is usually limited to their face and the overall balance of their bodies. Beautiful people to me are like works of art – I’d never want to have sex with a sculpture.
11. I literally have no concept of what it means for someone to have a “nice ass” or “nice tits”. Whenever my friends start talking about those things I just laugh. I’ve never checked out anyone’s ass before, and boobs are boobs to me.
12. I masturbate, but the need to do so feels entirely biological, there’s not really anything that triggers it. I don’t really think of anything, just go until I orgasm. I love the feeling, but it’s not anything that leaves me wishing for a partner. It just is.
13. I have nothing against dating, but I think there is an inherent sexual expectation built into it, so I avoid it. I wouldn’t be opposed to dating a woman, but women who don’t have an interest in sex are just as hard to find as men who don’t have an interest in sex. One of my friends has repeatedly asked me out, and I have repeatedly turned him down. I’m afraid that if I tell him, “I don’t have sexual feelings for people” he would think I was bullshitting him. Instead, I just tell him that I don’t date anyone, which isn’t a lie.
14. I fall in love regularly with people I will never meet, either because they are famous or because they’re dead and famous. I learn all that I can about them but would probably never say a word to them if I saw them in person.
15. Most of my family assumes that no one is interested in me sexually, and not that it's the other way around.
16. My female friends all come to me for sexual and relationship advice. None of them know that I’ve never had sex, but they still love my advice. Surprisingly, many of them tell me that they wish they could be as “strong” as I am, and not have to be in a relationship.
17. Contrary to what people might think, it doesn’t gross me out that other people have sex. People can have sex all day long, it’s just not something I want or need in my own life.
18. I get hit on quite often by women, but I never know how to respond. My biggest worry when it comes to dodging flirtations is inadvertently leading someone on.
19. Four years before one of my friends discovered that she was bisexual, I remembered lying on the floor with her with the distinct feeling that she wanted to make a move. When she told me recently that she was attracted to women, I told her that I had always known, but didn’t tell her why.
20. I’ve come out to very few friends, but one of them was a lesbian. I was staying with her overnight and her bed was big enough that I felt we could share it and stay out of each other’s way. I didn’t think that just because she was gay that it would mean she’d want to try something with me, any more than I would suspect it of any of my other friends. An hour later, I came back into her room after going to the bathroom and found her lying in bed in her underwear. She asked me if I was bothered by it and I wasn’t. When we woke up the next morning she told me I was the only person she had ever shared a bed with who didn’t annoy her.
21. I know that there are other asexual people in the world, but I don’t feel like I need to actively look for them. I feel, for some reason, that if I met anyone else who was, I’d suspect them of lying. I don’t know what makes me feel so suspicious because that’s not my nature at all, but I hate it.
22. In spite of being both disabled and asexual, I don’t hate my body or find myself unattractive. For some reason, this too surprises people.
23. I have watched porn before, because I wanted to see what the big deal was. It all seems so fake to me that I can’t possibly imagine how people feel anything at all from it. That said, I feel very uncomfortable watching movies with sex scenes in them if there are other people in the room.
24. I am not embarrassed by/of being naked in front of other people, nor does other people's nudity embarrass me. I feel that sexual perception varies for each person, and that there is nothing inherently sexual written into the naked form.
25. In spite of my own asexuality, I am frustrated by everyone's need to find the place where they belong, sexually. I wish that everyone could just accept their feelings for what they are, and join up with others who share the same feelings. I wish we had a world without labels, but maybe that's just because I feel alienated from all sexual communities. I read through many posts here before deciding to submit my own, and I just hope that everyone learns to love themselves.
2. I have fallen in love a few times, but the moment I try to imagine anyone in a sexual way, my brain shuts off and with it goes my attraction.
3. Over the past year I’ve realized that I am asexual, and I only feel comfortable with that label because I know that I’m not straight or gay.
4. Everyone thinks I’m a lesbian, especially my lesbian friends. A few have hinted that they’re waiting for me to come out. When I told one of them that I was asexual, hoping for solidarity, she paused and said, “Just stick with ‘queer.’”
5. I don’t feel that anything is missing from my life because I don’t have sex. I don’t feel like a social outcast, though other people seem to think I must be.
6. I’ve kissed/slightly made out with three men, all technically boyfriends. All three tried to take things further, and thankfully, all three stopped when I told them I wasn’t comfortable. I liked kissing, and them, very much but did not feel the need to move beyond that. As a result, I think I was thought of as a tease. I wish I could have explained to them what I know now. I haven’t been kissed in six years. Strangely, two of those three men went on to experiment with their gender and their sexual orientation and told me that it was my encouragement of their feminine sides that helped them to do so.
7. I fell in love with a married man. He doesn’t know that I’m asexual. When I told him that I thought my feelings for him were inappropriate, he told me that he is in an open marriage. We live in different countries but met in person, corresponding regularly in between the times we saw each other in person. He told me about his open marriage via anonymous email, which made me doubt the truthfulness of it. It was a year ago and I was so stunned that I never wrote back. We never talk about ourselves now, because I don't like knowing that he's "allowed" to have feelings for me. I worry about what would happen if I saw him again.
8. Four different married men, not including the one from #7, have told me that if they weren’t married they would want to be in a relationship with me. All of them were friends, and I felt very embarrassed by their admissions. I don’t know why I attract married men.
9. I’m physically disabled. I feel that this has no bearing whatsoever on my sexuality, but I know that most people wouldn’t agree. When I told my mother that I was asexual, she said, “That makes sense to me. I think it’s because of your intelligence.” I don’t think there’s a correlation, but her reaction made me happy. I haven’t told anyone else in my family, nor do I see a reason to.
10. When I find myself attracted to someone in a physical way, it’s always in an aesthetically evaluative way and is usually limited to their face and the overall balance of their bodies. Beautiful people to me are like works of art – I’d never want to have sex with a sculpture.
11. I literally have no concept of what it means for someone to have a “nice ass” or “nice tits”. Whenever my friends start talking about those things I just laugh. I’ve never checked out anyone’s ass before, and boobs are boobs to me.
12. I masturbate, but the need to do so feels entirely biological, there’s not really anything that triggers it. I don’t really think of anything, just go until I orgasm. I love the feeling, but it’s not anything that leaves me wishing for a partner. It just is.
13. I have nothing against dating, but I think there is an inherent sexual expectation built into it, so I avoid it. I wouldn’t be opposed to dating a woman, but women who don’t have an interest in sex are just as hard to find as men who don’t have an interest in sex. One of my friends has repeatedly asked me out, and I have repeatedly turned him down. I’m afraid that if I tell him, “I don’t have sexual feelings for people” he would think I was bullshitting him. Instead, I just tell him that I don’t date anyone, which isn’t a lie.
14. I fall in love regularly with people I will never meet, either because they are famous or because they’re dead and famous. I learn all that I can about them but would probably never say a word to them if I saw them in person.
15. Most of my family assumes that no one is interested in me sexually, and not that it's the other way around.
16. My female friends all come to me for sexual and relationship advice. None of them know that I’ve never had sex, but they still love my advice. Surprisingly, many of them tell me that they wish they could be as “strong” as I am, and not have to be in a relationship.
17. Contrary to what people might think, it doesn’t gross me out that other people have sex. People can have sex all day long, it’s just not something I want or need in my own life.
18. I get hit on quite often by women, but I never know how to respond. My biggest worry when it comes to dodging flirtations is inadvertently leading someone on.
19. Four years before one of my friends discovered that she was bisexual, I remembered lying on the floor with her with the distinct feeling that she wanted to make a move. When she told me recently that she was attracted to women, I told her that I had always known, but didn’t tell her why.
20. I’ve come out to very few friends, but one of them was a lesbian. I was staying with her overnight and her bed was big enough that I felt we could share it and stay out of each other’s way. I didn’t think that just because she was gay that it would mean she’d want to try something with me, any more than I would suspect it of any of my other friends. An hour later, I came back into her room after going to the bathroom and found her lying in bed in her underwear. She asked me if I was bothered by it and I wasn’t. When we woke up the next morning she told me I was the only person she had ever shared a bed with who didn’t annoy her.
21. I know that there are other asexual people in the world, but I don’t feel like I need to actively look for them. I feel, for some reason, that if I met anyone else who was, I’d suspect them of lying. I don’t know what makes me feel so suspicious because that’s not my nature at all, but I hate it.
22. In spite of being both disabled and asexual, I don’t hate my body or find myself unattractive. For some reason, this too surprises people.
23. I have watched porn before, because I wanted to see what the big deal was. It all seems so fake to me that I can’t possibly imagine how people feel anything at all from it. That said, I feel very uncomfortable watching movies with sex scenes in them if there are other people in the room.
24. I am not embarrassed by/of being naked in front of other people, nor does other people's nudity embarrass me. I feel that sexual perception varies for each person, and that there is nothing inherently sexual written into the naked form.
25. In spite of my own asexuality, I am frustrated by everyone's need to find the place where they belong, sexually. I wish that everyone could just accept their feelings for what they are, and join up with others who share the same feelings. I wish we had a world without labels, but maybe that's just because I feel alienated from all sexual communities. I read through many posts here before deciding to submit my own, and I just hope that everyone learns to love themselves.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
1. I’m a nearly 20-year-old, mostly straight female who has had 3 sexual partners and has masturbated daily for the last 10 years.
2. My first sexual partner, N, was during my first year at university and he was a random guy who looked at me funny in an elevator. We had sex every day, three times a day for an entire month. Because of him, I don’t have an awful “first time” story to tell. He made sure I came 4 or 5 times every time we had sex and always made me feel sexy. I ended things because I got bored with his penchant for vanilla sex.
3. My second sexual partner, B, was a 26-year-old guy I met outside of a bar. I was sitting on the curb, recently kicked out and stinking drunk, and he was standing about 10 yards away from me yelling at a homeless man. He stopped what he was doing, looked at me, and said, “You have the biggest tits I have ever seen and a pretty face. I’d like to get to know you.” We had sex for 10 months, a couple of times a week. The sex was amazing (see: AMAZING) and strings-free, but I developed feelings and he didn’t. Things ended officially, but I get texts about once a week begging for one more chance.
4. The last time I had sex with B, I gave him a 45 minute rim job and prostate massage (his first--most likely something to do with his macho hockey player personality). He had a prostate orgasm, where his cock leaked cum and he came for what felt like an hour. He proceeded to propose to me and tell me about how great it was. He didn’t remember it the next morning because he was so fucked up on MDMA. His loss. It felt awesome to do.
5. The first blowjob I ever gave was when I was 15. Three friends of mine came over to my house after school (two male, one female) and we coupled off and gave the boys head. At one point, us two girls were going down on one guy at once. I don’t regret the experience; I just regret my choice of partners. I don’t talk to any of them anymore.
6. I used to play sadistic role-playing games with my dolls as a child. My best friend and I would create elaborate sexual circumstances for our dolls. For instance, I have a vivid memory of a kinky Cinderella gone wild storyline. A young girl was forced to clean and serve her sisters and mother while naked, and they then watched and orchestrated as she had sex with the male dolls. We then recreated these games in real life. My only memory of this is standing on a stool in the middle of my bedroom, completely naked, spinning in a circle while my best friend laughed and told me to bend over. It doesn’t turn me on to think about now, but the grown up, depersonalized version is the subject of many of my masturbatory fantasies.
7. I think my rape fetish is the most taboo aspect of my sexuality. Relinquishing control has always been a sexy thing to me, but the idea of being hurt and violated in that way is something that turns me on more than anything. Sometimes I wonder how I would react if I were to be genuinely raped. Part of me thinks it would be different because I wouldn’t actually want it, but a quieter (yet larger) part of me thinks I would enjoy it because a major part of my fetish is the “not enjoying it” part.
8. As a curvier girl I have my fair share of qualms about my body, but I’ve never found them to inhibit me while having sex. Granted, I’ve never been with a self-proclaimed “BBW lover”, so that’s something I would love to experience. That way, I can leave my trusty black tank top on the floor (usually worn around my waist for camouflage) and have my tummy rubbed and kissed.
9. I masturbate daily. At least. I have been known to take the day off of school or work to lie in bed and make myself come 15 or 20 times in a day. I go through orgasm withdrawals in the form of migraines if I go several days without coming. Nothing makes me feel better than a good rub-off.
10. I have never had a man give me an orgasm of his own accord, but I have multiple orgasms during sex. I know the majority of sex is good communication, but I compare my masturbation practices to that of the male “death grip” problem. I push and rub and make such fast circles on and around my clit that it’s incredibly hard for a man to recreate. I have to mentally push myself to come, or use my hands to help him out. My favorite way to come is with a cock in my ass, a vibrator in my pussy and my fingers rubbing my clit hard and fast.
11. I am a selfless and shamelessly open-minded lover. I love whatever who I’m with loves. If I am with a guy who loves incest, then I will dress up like his sister and answer only to her name. If I am with a guy who loves being in control, I will wear a butt plug all day at work or school. My personal fetishes and turn-ons are put to the back burner in favor of the fetishes and turn-ons of whomever I’m with.
12. I have recently started dating a guy that I slept with about 6 months ago. When I get my hands on him this weekend, it will be the first time I have sex with a boyfriend. I’ll call him J, and he’s the best thing that has ever happened to me.
13. My biggest fear is ending up in a sexless marriage. I have watched my parents stop being affectionate. The impact it’s had on their relationship fucking terrifies me. I refuse to be that woman on Dr. Phil crying about how she hasn’t had sex with her husband in 20 years.
14. I have a cum fetish. I love the smell of it, the taste of it, the feel of it… everything. I love everything from facials, creampies, swallowing and tit glazing. Pre-cum is also one of my favorite parts to foreplay – running my thumb over a slippery head and then licking it clean. Nom.
15. Sex is pretty much the only thing I think about. Every person I meet, regardless of my relationship to them, I think about them having sex. I think about them naked. Occasionally, I think about having sex with them myself. My imagination runs wild with different positions, role-play scenarios and techniques every day. If I have a date in the evening and class or work during the day, my productivity becomes virtually zero because I am so preoccupied with thinking about all of the naughty things I plan on doing.
16. Giving blowjobs is an art form. From start to finish, I refuse to settle for giving lame or unsatisfying head. I do my homework on the guy in advance, usually through sexting, to find out what he likes and doesn’t like. This way, when I start to go down, I can surprise him with little tricks and techniques that cater to his fancy. I have always been a blowjob fanatic, often opting to give head more frequently than anything else. What turns me on the most is the reaction from the guy – whether its feeling his thighs tighten under my hands, or his balls shift slightly up as my tongue runs over them, or a little gasp when I run my tongue over his frenulum. Eek. I actually have a lady boner typing this.
17. Other than my big sexy brain, my tits are my favorite part of my body. My first bra was a 34B in Grade 5, a 36C in Grade 6 and by Grade 8 graduation I was a DD. By the time I graduated high school and to this day, I am a 38G. They are awesome. No other way to say it. They balance my body shape, are super sensitive and look fucking fantastic in a v-neck.
18. I said that I’m “mostly” straight because all of my intimate relationships (both emotionally and sexually) have been with men. That being said, a portion of my favorite sexual fantasies are reserved for girl-on-girl encounters. I love the idea of going down on a girl and having her go down on me. I am also supremely excited for my first FFM threesome that I plan on having with my boyfriend and an unspecified lady at some point this year.
19. Anal. How I love thee. Butt play is one of my favorite things, even better when it’s mutual! I love tongues, fingers, cocks and toys in my butt and I love doing the same to whomever I’m with.
20. My favourite sex position is a toss-up between missionary (it doesn’t have to be boring!) and standing doggy style. I’ve recently developed a penchant for riding cock, but it isn’t something I’m ready to call my favourite yet. Being on my back with my legs spread wide and being pounded so my tits shake is enough to send me over the edge. Standing doggy style is just plain fun. I can be bent over touching my toes, bent over a desk at 90 degrees, or have my back pressed up against his chest. I like the versatility of it, and I like the way cocks feel inside of me in this position.
21. I really enjoy rough sex. Not rough sex like a bit of spanking and a bit of hair pulling, but rough sex like being kicked in the face and slapped on the tits while I have a cock being shoved into my ass using only spit. I want to be called names that you wouldn’t say to your worst enemy. I want to be left cowering, covered in tears and welts, feeling worthless with a load of cum in my hair when he’s finished with me. Granted, about 5 minutes after that, I want to be cuddled and kissed and be fed Pop-Tarts in bed by my lover. I’m a complex creature.
22. My dad is a Howard Stern fan. Stern’s book "Miss America" has been on the bookshelf in my basement since I was 6 or 7. I’ve always been a reader and I’ve always been fascinated by sex, so when I started reading “Miss America” when I was about 9, it was definitely an interesting experience. Looking back, being turned on by a story of Howard Stern masturbating to a random woman having cybersex with him is a little less than erotic. However, my 9-year-old self used those conversation exchanges as spank bank material for the better part of a year. My mother had a little chat with me when she found the book opened to the pictures of naked girls hanging from barn walls in chains under my pillow.
23. Speaking of my parents, their attitudes towards sex are like black and white. My mom is open and honest (albeit a vanilla prude) and my father is silent and asexual, as far as I’m concerned. My mom has always been open about the physiology of sex and has been a strong advocate of having sex for your own reasons and not giving into societal pressures. She’s never shamed me for my views or openness about sex. My father, on the other hand, told me that a hooker is a woman who hooks rugs and referred me to my mother in a kerfuffle when I asked him what Viagra was.
24. For sexual preferences, I like my men to be beefy. There is nothing wrong with skinny guys (I don’t necessarily discriminate) but my favorite is a thick man with strong arms and a barrel chest. When I’m with a guy, I don’t want to feel like I’m going to break him when I climb on top of him and ride him raw.
25. I’ve got a huge sexual bucket list. I will try anything once (with the exception of my list of limits – including vomit, poop, needle suspension, raping babies, and anal fisting). If my partner is really into it, I’m more than willing to try it more than once!
2. My first sexual partner, N, was during my first year at university and he was a random guy who looked at me funny in an elevator. We had sex every day, three times a day for an entire month. Because of him, I don’t have an awful “first time” story to tell. He made sure I came 4 or 5 times every time we had sex and always made me feel sexy. I ended things because I got bored with his penchant for vanilla sex.
3. My second sexual partner, B, was a 26-year-old guy I met outside of a bar. I was sitting on the curb, recently kicked out and stinking drunk, and he was standing about 10 yards away from me yelling at a homeless man. He stopped what he was doing, looked at me, and said, “You have the biggest tits I have ever seen and a pretty face. I’d like to get to know you.” We had sex for 10 months, a couple of times a week. The sex was amazing (see: AMAZING) and strings-free, but I developed feelings and he didn’t. Things ended officially, but I get texts about once a week begging for one more chance.
4. The last time I had sex with B, I gave him a 45 minute rim job and prostate massage (his first--most likely something to do with his macho hockey player personality). He had a prostate orgasm, where his cock leaked cum and he came for what felt like an hour. He proceeded to propose to me and tell me about how great it was. He didn’t remember it the next morning because he was so fucked up on MDMA. His loss. It felt awesome to do.
5. The first blowjob I ever gave was when I was 15. Three friends of mine came over to my house after school (two male, one female) and we coupled off and gave the boys head. At one point, us two girls were going down on one guy at once. I don’t regret the experience; I just regret my choice of partners. I don’t talk to any of them anymore.
6. I used to play sadistic role-playing games with my dolls as a child. My best friend and I would create elaborate sexual circumstances for our dolls. For instance, I have a vivid memory of a kinky Cinderella gone wild storyline. A young girl was forced to clean and serve her sisters and mother while naked, and they then watched and orchestrated as she had sex with the male dolls. We then recreated these games in real life. My only memory of this is standing on a stool in the middle of my bedroom, completely naked, spinning in a circle while my best friend laughed and told me to bend over. It doesn’t turn me on to think about now, but the grown up, depersonalized version is the subject of many of my masturbatory fantasies.
7. I think my rape fetish is the most taboo aspect of my sexuality. Relinquishing control has always been a sexy thing to me, but the idea of being hurt and violated in that way is something that turns me on more than anything. Sometimes I wonder how I would react if I were to be genuinely raped. Part of me thinks it would be different because I wouldn’t actually want it, but a quieter (yet larger) part of me thinks I would enjoy it because a major part of my fetish is the “not enjoying it” part.
8. As a curvier girl I have my fair share of qualms about my body, but I’ve never found them to inhibit me while having sex. Granted, I’ve never been with a self-proclaimed “BBW lover”, so that’s something I would love to experience. That way, I can leave my trusty black tank top on the floor (usually worn around my waist for camouflage) and have my tummy rubbed and kissed.
9. I masturbate daily. At least. I have been known to take the day off of school or work to lie in bed and make myself come 15 or 20 times in a day. I go through orgasm withdrawals in the form of migraines if I go several days without coming. Nothing makes me feel better than a good rub-off.
10. I have never had a man give me an orgasm of his own accord, but I have multiple orgasms during sex. I know the majority of sex is good communication, but I compare my masturbation practices to that of the male “death grip” problem. I push and rub and make such fast circles on and around my clit that it’s incredibly hard for a man to recreate. I have to mentally push myself to come, or use my hands to help him out. My favorite way to come is with a cock in my ass, a vibrator in my pussy and my fingers rubbing my clit hard and fast.
11. I am a selfless and shamelessly open-minded lover. I love whatever who I’m with loves. If I am with a guy who loves incest, then I will dress up like his sister and answer only to her name. If I am with a guy who loves being in control, I will wear a butt plug all day at work or school. My personal fetishes and turn-ons are put to the back burner in favor of the fetishes and turn-ons of whomever I’m with.
12. I have recently started dating a guy that I slept with about 6 months ago. When I get my hands on him this weekend, it will be the first time I have sex with a boyfriend. I’ll call him J, and he’s the best thing that has ever happened to me.
13. My biggest fear is ending up in a sexless marriage. I have watched my parents stop being affectionate. The impact it’s had on their relationship fucking terrifies me. I refuse to be that woman on Dr. Phil crying about how she hasn’t had sex with her husband in 20 years.
14. I have a cum fetish. I love the smell of it, the taste of it, the feel of it… everything. I love everything from facials, creampies, swallowing and tit glazing. Pre-cum is also one of my favorite parts to foreplay – running my thumb over a slippery head and then licking it clean. Nom.
15. Sex is pretty much the only thing I think about. Every person I meet, regardless of my relationship to them, I think about them having sex. I think about them naked. Occasionally, I think about having sex with them myself. My imagination runs wild with different positions, role-play scenarios and techniques every day. If I have a date in the evening and class or work during the day, my productivity becomes virtually zero because I am so preoccupied with thinking about all of the naughty things I plan on doing.
16. Giving blowjobs is an art form. From start to finish, I refuse to settle for giving lame or unsatisfying head. I do my homework on the guy in advance, usually through sexting, to find out what he likes and doesn’t like. This way, when I start to go down, I can surprise him with little tricks and techniques that cater to his fancy. I have always been a blowjob fanatic, often opting to give head more frequently than anything else. What turns me on the most is the reaction from the guy – whether its feeling his thighs tighten under my hands, or his balls shift slightly up as my tongue runs over them, or a little gasp when I run my tongue over his frenulum. Eek. I actually have a lady boner typing this.
17. Other than my big sexy brain, my tits are my favorite part of my body. My first bra was a 34B in Grade 5, a 36C in Grade 6 and by Grade 8 graduation I was a DD. By the time I graduated high school and to this day, I am a 38G. They are awesome. No other way to say it. They balance my body shape, are super sensitive and look fucking fantastic in a v-neck.
18. I said that I’m “mostly” straight because all of my intimate relationships (both emotionally and sexually) have been with men. That being said, a portion of my favorite sexual fantasies are reserved for girl-on-girl encounters. I love the idea of going down on a girl and having her go down on me. I am also supremely excited for my first FFM threesome that I plan on having with my boyfriend and an unspecified lady at some point this year.
19. Anal. How I love thee. Butt play is one of my favorite things, even better when it’s mutual! I love tongues, fingers, cocks and toys in my butt and I love doing the same to whomever I’m with.
20. My favourite sex position is a toss-up between missionary (it doesn’t have to be boring!) and standing doggy style. I’ve recently developed a penchant for riding cock, but it isn’t something I’m ready to call my favourite yet. Being on my back with my legs spread wide and being pounded so my tits shake is enough to send me over the edge. Standing doggy style is just plain fun. I can be bent over touching my toes, bent over a desk at 90 degrees, or have my back pressed up against his chest. I like the versatility of it, and I like the way cocks feel inside of me in this position.
21. I really enjoy rough sex. Not rough sex like a bit of spanking and a bit of hair pulling, but rough sex like being kicked in the face and slapped on the tits while I have a cock being shoved into my ass using only spit. I want to be called names that you wouldn’t say to your worst enemy. I want to be left cowering, covered in tears and welts, feeling worthless with a load of cum in my hair when he’s finished with me. Granted, about 5 minutes after that, I want to be cuddled and kissed and be fed Pop-Tarts in bed by my lover. I’m a complex creature.
22. My dad is a Howard Stern fan. Stern’s book "Miss America" has been on the bookshelf in my basement since I was 6 or 7. I’ve always been a reader and I’ve always been fascinated by sex, so when I started reading “Miss America” when I was about 9, it was definitely an interesting experience. Looking back, being turned on by a story of Howard Stern masturbating to a random woman having cybersex with him is a little less than erotic. However, my 9-year-old self used those conversation exchanges as spank bank material for the better part of a year. My mother had a little chat with me when she found the book opened to the pictures of naked girls hanging from barn walls in chains under my pillow.
23. Speaking of my parents, their attitudes towards sex are like black and white. My mom is open and honest (albeit a vanilla prude) and my father is silent and asexual, as far as I’m concerned. My mom has always been open about the physiology of sex and has been a strong advocate of having sex for your own reasons and not giving into societal pressures. She’s never shamed me for my views or openness about sex. My father, on the other hand, told me that a hooker is a woman who hooks rugs and referred me to my mother in a kerfuffle when I asked him what Viagra was.
24. For sexual preferences, I like my men to be beefy. There is nothing wrong with skinny guys (I don’t necessarily discriminate) but my favorite is a thick man with strong arms and a barrel chest. When I’m with a guy, I don’t want to feel like I’m going to break him when I climb on top of him and ride him raw.
25. I’ve got a huge sexual bucket list. I will try anything once (with the exception of my list of limits – including vomit, poop, needle suspension, raping babies, and anal fisting). If my partner is really into it, I’m more than willing to try it more than once!
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
1. I'm nearly 23, and I've never kissed anyone, much less had sex. I don't regret it, usually.
2. I'm horny all the time. If you were to look inside my head at random points throughout the day, you'd probably find something sex-related 9 times out of 10, and my underclothes are generally wet by the time I've had them on for five minutes, sometimes ten.
3. Call it a curse or a blessing – I usually call it a blessing – but I got extraordinarily sensitive senses of touch and taste from Mom's side of the family. This means that a lot of casual, innocent touches feel really good, and some foods are practically orgasmic. My friends laugh at the faces I make: even though they know, technically, that I'm a hypertaster, they don't quite understand what that means on an every-day basis. Oh well: while they're laughing, I'm shivering from a really good glass of port. Their loss!
4. This is probably related back to the general state of horniness, but I masturbate a lot. Mostly at night, because I work during the day with kids and getting myself off in the bathroom there would feel extraordinarily wrong, but days off, too.
5. Some nights I don't get myself off, but that's usually a lack of motivation, not a lack of desire. I just can't seem to do anything, times like that; it's hard to make myself get up to use the restroom, much less masturbate. Those are pretty much the only times I regret not being sexually active; I'd love to have a partner then who'd pamper me, do the work of pleasuring us both while I lay back.
6. By now I'm calling myself more or less pansexual. I like men, I like women, I like everything in between, and if we ran into aliens tomorrow – well, I'd probably be fine with that too. I'm comfortable with this, but some of the questions I get irritate me. (Yes, I'm pansexual. No, that doesn't mean I'm attracted to everyone and everything I see any more than heterosexual makes you attracted to everyone of the opposite sex.)
7. While I'm comfortable with being pansexual, I haven't told most of my family, much less my church. The overwhelming reactions would fall into one of two categories: OMG, where did we go wrong?!, tempered with, relax, she's just doing it for attention, it's not like zie dates anyways, zie'll settle down with a nice young person eventually. A few more would jump on me and try to use me as a political tool, thanks to the current splits in my denomination. I'm heavily involved in my church – I'm a deacon, working with missions and youth and etc., my dad's the pastor – and I have no desire to upset the status quo that badly. Revelations can wait until I'm in a different area and can tell people before ever joining a new congregation – things are just easier that way.
8. There are only three people I really worry about telling, outside of church politics: my mom, one of my brothers, and one of my sisters. My mom likely won't let me anywhere near my younger sibs again until they all turn 18, when I tell her. My brother will disown me. My sister will spend the next few decades praying for my soul and refusing to allow me near any children she might have. My other siblings won't care, and will probably try to hook me up with more people.
9. I consider my dad to be a trade-off for my extraordinarily bigoted grandparents and cousins (who will never speak to me again after I officially come out. This will actually be a positive side-effect of the whole deal). He's awesome – he's known for a few years, and doesn't spread it about at my request. He'll point out pretty people of either gender to ask my opinion, and his only real stake in the entire issue is to make sure that I'm happy, whomever I end up with; he doesn't fuss so much about the casing, or even things like poly relationships, though he's uncomfortable with poly and not allowed to publicly condone it anyway because of his job.
10. Which, speaking of, I might be. I don't really know. The idea of poly relationships appeals to me very strongly. That's not to say that I dislike the idea of monogamy; I just think that in some cases, multiple partners might be worth the extra work done to keep the relationship(s) stable. I've never had a chance to test that, though.
11. My biological sex and assigned gender are female and woman; I'm told that most of my neurological wiring is coded male. I don't identify with a set gender, either masculine or feminine, but don't really consider myself to be androgynous, either. Sometimes I dress feminine; sometimes I dress masculine; most often I dress in whatever I feel like at that moment. If I put my hair up right I have no problem passing for a man, on the days when I don't want to be a woman. I've been told that I would be a good candidate for gender reassignment surgery, but I don't really see the point in it. Sure, I'm not a “woman”, but that doesn't mean I'm a “man” – I don't care for either of those labels.
12. I love long hair, especially when it's taken care of and at least down to the butt. The sex/gender of the person with said hair is generally less relevant than the hair itself – 6'4'' and strapping muscles, 5'0'' and petite, doesn't matter, I'm going to enjoy looking at the hair.
13. I've had two romantic relationships, both with my best friends at the time. The first one, S., lasted from about 13 to 19. He was tall, a few months younger than I was, romantic, and quite smart. Things started going sour the last six months of our relationship, to the point where I didn't recognize him any more, but it still hurt when we broke up – he'd been my best friend for eight years, and I'd had no idea what had happened to change things. The second time, I was 21 and dating a woman, M., with whom I'd been good friends for two or three years. It was a giddy summertime romance that lasted into the fall. That October, the day I was supposed to tell my dad about the two of us, she told me via email that we couldn't be together any more because God disapproved of gays and besides, she didn't want to tell her family, ever. She hooked up with my ex S. a couple weeks later. I haven't had a relationship since then, mostly because this area is absurdly conservative: the women are generally appalled at any hint of lesbian interests, the men buy into neo-McCarthian gender roles, and the religious right disapprove of it all. I'm looking forward to moving someplace more accepting.
14. I don't care much for visual porn, but I've been reading erotica since I was eleven – first in science fiction novels, then fanfiction. Oddly enough, I didn't start writing it until I was nineteen, and I still don't write much of it.
15. There were a number of years where I claimed to hate romance novels, romance-centered fanfiction, and the like. Over time I've come to realize that that's not quite the case. It's not that I hate romance, or relationships, or erotica. Rather, I hated the entrenched gender-roles present in popular romance novels, movies, fanfiction, etc. Nowadays I read slash or queer fiction if I'm looking for something with romance, and otherwise stick to novels that contain het relationships, if at all, only as a very minor subplot... I go through a lot of science fiction that way.
16. While I don't care for visual porn, I do like looking at people. “Like” may be the wrong word, though – it's more reflexive than anything else, and my tastes tend to run all over the place. Suffice to say that if a person looks legal and under 70-ish, I'm probably admiring zem. Not always – there are a few people who just don't trigger that, for whatever reason – but far more often than not. I try to be discreet about it; I think mostly I succeed.
17. I don't have many body issues, and virtually no sense of body-shame or modesty. Skin is skin, whether you're two or twenty or fifty or eighty, and clothing is generally restrictive and uncomfortable. Nudity neither bothers nor titillates me, whether my own or someone else's. This lack of reaction, however, does bother my siblings and mother, as well as more conservative acquaintances.
18. I said I don't have many body issues, and that's true. But I would love to be 5'10'' instead of 5'6'', and I would really, really love to get rid of my female-based reproductive cycle. I like my vagina just fine, but I hate the hormones, and the thought of ever being pregnant absolutely appalls me. Sure, I'd like to have kids – but I never, never, never want to be pregnant. Ever. I'd be okay with flattening out my breasts, but I'm also okay with them remaining small; bras just bug me, and sometimes having breasts is irritating because they serve as gender-coded symbols.
19. M. and I never kissed or had sex, but we did a lot of cuddling, some petting, and quite a bit of mild pain-play (mostly because anything more would've led places neither of us, especially she, was quite ready for). I have a definite appreciation for certain types of pain. Scratching and spanking are great, but pinching isn't. Biting turns me on incredibly quickly: I go melty, submissive, and nonvocal faster than you can say masochist. Pressing or scratching into bruises gets nearly the same reaction, and blades make me shivery in the good sort of way.
20. I played with my ass quite a bit as a kid, left it more or less alone in junior high, and discovered it again towards the end of high school, with explosive results. Vaginal penetration feels good, sure, but anal feels so much more intense. I will never understand how people can dislike the sensation; it's easier for me to reach orgasm with anal play than with vaginal, and I almost never come without at least a little of it. Mostly I like deep penetration there, and preferably girth, too, but every once in a while it's enough to tease around and just inside of the rim. Sometimes I envy male-bodied individuals their prostates; I bet anal play would be even more intense then.
21. That envy never goes too far, but only because I then remember that vaginas mean the potential for double penetration, which is fantastic and tends to lead to amazing orgasms when I take the time for it.
22. For all the cliches about Christians, repressed sexuality, and guilt complexes, I really don't care that much about virginity – my own, to be specific. I don't attach any special value to it, and I'm not trying to preserve it. It's just that, while I like to look at people, I'm not remotely interested in casual sex. Some psychologists would classify me as borderline paranoid, especially when it comes to touch, so I'm not comfortable even with most of my friends touching me; also, while I don't put a huge premium on monogamy or virginity, I do on fidelity. Short-term relationships just aren't my style. If S. and I had stayed together once he hit college, we might have; M. and I weren't together long enough for it to be an issue. So while I do have my V-card, it's in a rather incidental sort of way.
23. I hear a lot of talk about G-spots. I've never managed to find mine. Every once in a while I explore for it. Then, when I fail to find it, I shrug philosophically: does it matter, when a vibe up my ass and finger on my clit's enough to send me thrashing and blank-eyed anyways?
24. I don't understand jealousy. I've never had problems with it, and jealous partners just tend to annoy me. Fidelity's a must for me, but that doesn't mean monogamy: instead, it means talking about things, and not going beyond what we agree on. Whether we agree to casual hookups, or poly relationships, or swinging, or monogamy, I expect both of us to follow the tenets of said agreement, and to put each other as first priority. And with that in mind, I have no issues with jealousy, because either zie'll follow those, and all's well, or zie won't, and we'll break up. Likewise, I'll follow them, because that's just the way I roll – so a partner getting jealous might as well be saying that I'm not trustworthy to follow through, which angers me.
25. Probably thanks to my early explorations of the internet and fandom culture, there's not much out there that can shock me any more. At this point, as long as it falls under RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink), I probably won't bat an eyelash. There are, however, a whole lot of things I look forward to exploring. After all, I am 22, almost 23.
2. I'm horny all the time. If you were to look inside my head at random points throughout the day, you'd probably find something sex-related 9 times out of 10, and my underclothes are generally wet by the time I've had them on for five minutes, sometimes ten.
3. Call it a curse or a blessing – I usually call it a blessing – but I got extraordinarily sensitive senses of touch and taste from Mom's side of the family. This means that a lot of casual, innocent touches feel really good, and some foods are practically orgasmic. My friends laugh at the faces I make: even though they know, technically, that I'm a hypertaster, they don't quite understand what that means on an every-day basis. Oh well: while they're laughing, I'm shivering from a really good glass of port. Their loss!
4. This is probably related back to the general state of horniness, but I masturbate a lot. Mostly at night, because I work during the day with kids and getting myself off in the bathroom there would feel extraordinarily wrong, but days off, too.
5. Some nights I don't get myself off, but that's usually a lack of motivation, not a lack of desire. I just can't seem to do anything, times like that; it's hard to make myself get up to use the restroom, much less masturbate. Those are pretty much the only times I regret not being sexually active; I'd love to have a partner then who'd pamper me, do the work of pleasuring us both while I lay back.
6. By now I'm calling myself more or less pansexual. I like men, I like women, I like everything in between, and if we ran into aliens tomorrow – well, I'd probably be fine with that too. I'm comfortable with this, but some of the questions I get irritate me. (Yes, I'm pansexual. No, that doesn't mean I'm attracted to everyone and everything I see any more than heterosexual makes you attracted to everyone of the opposite sex.)
7. While I'm comfortable with being pansexual, I haven't told most of my family, much less my church. The overwhelming reactions would fall into one of two categories: OMG, where did we go wrong?!, tempered with, relax, she's just doing it for attention, it's not like zie dates anyways, zie'll settle down with a nice young person eventually. A few more would jump on me and try to use me as a political tool, thanks to the current splits in my denomination. I'm heavily involved in my church – I'm a deacon, working with missions and youth and etc., my dad's the pastor – and I have no desire to upset the status quo that badly. Revelations can wait until I'm in a different area and can tell people before ever joining a new congregation – things are just easier that way.
8. There are only three people I really worry about telling, outside of church politics: my mom, one of my brothers, and one of my sisters. My mom likely won't let me anywhere near my younger sibs again until they all turn 18, when I tell her. My brother will disown me. My sister will spend the next few decades praying for my soul and refusing to allow me near any children she might have. My other siblings won't care, and will probably try to hook me up with more people.
9. I consider my dad to be a trade-off for my extraordinarily bigoted grandparents and cousins (who will never speak to me again after I officially come out. This will actually be a positive side-effect of the whole deal). He's awesome – he's known for a few years, and doesn't spread it about at my request. He'll point out pretty people of either gender to ask my opinion, and his only real stake in the entire issue is to make sure that I'm happy, whomever I end up with; he doesn't fuss so much about the casing, or even things like poly relationships, though he's uncomfortable with poly and not allowed to publicly condone it anyway because of his job.
10. Which, speaking of, I might be. I don't really know. The idea of poly relationships appeals to me very strongly. That's not to say that I dislike the idea of monogamy; I just think that in some cases, multiple partners might be worth the extra work done to keep the relationship(s) stable. I've never had a chance to test that, though.
11. My biological sex and assigned gender are female and woman; I'm told that most of my neurological wiring is coded male. I don't identify with a set gender, either masculine or feminine, but don't really consider myself to be androgynous, either. Sometimes I dress feminine; sometimes I dress masculine; most often I dress in whatever I feel like at that moment. If I put my hair up right I have no problem passing for a man, on the days when I don't want to be a woman. I've been told that I would be a good candidate for gender reassignment surgery, but I don't really see the point in it. Sure, I'm not a “woman”, but that doesn't mean I'm a “man” – I don't care for either of those labels.
12. I love long hair, especially when it's taken care of and at least down to the butt. The sex/gender of the person with said hair is generally less relevant than the hair itself – 6'4'' and strapping muscles, 5'0'' and petite, doesn't matter, I'm going to enjoy looking at the hair.
13. I've had two romantic relationships, both with my best friends at the time. The first one, S., lasted from about 13 to 19. He was tall, a few months younger than I was, romantic, and quite smart. Things started going sour the last six months of our relationship, to the point where I didn't recognize him any more, but it still hurt when we broke up – he'd been my best friend for eight years, and I'd had no idea what had happened to change things. The second time, I was 21 and dating a woman, M., with whom I'd been good friends for two or three years. It was a giddy summertime romance that lasted into the fall. That October, the day I was supposed to tell my dad about the two of us, she told me via email that we couldn't be together any more because God disapproved of gays and besides, she didn't want to tell her family, ever. She hooked up with my ex S. a couple weeks later. I haven't had a relationship since then, mostly because this area is absurdly conservative: the women are generally appalled at any hint of lesbian interests, the men buy into neo-McCarthian gender roles, and the religious right disapprove of it all. I'm looking forward to moving someplace more accepting.
14. I don't care much for visual porn, but I've been reading erotica since I was eleven – first in science fiction novels, then fanfiction. Oddly enough, I didn't start writing it until I was nineteen, and I still don't write much of it.
15. There were a number of years where I claimed to hate romance novels, romance-centered fanfiction, and the like. Over time I've come to realize that that's not quite the case. It's not that I hate romance, or relationships, or erotica. Rather, I hated the entrenched gender-roles present in popular romance novels, movies, fanfiction, etc. Nowadays I read slash or queer fiction if I'm looking for something with romance, and otherwise stick to novels that contain het relationships, if at all, only as a very minor subplot... I go through a lot of science fiction that way.
16. While I don't care for visual porn, I do like looking at people. “Like” may be the wrong word, though – it's more reflexive than anything else, and my tastes tend to run all over the place. Suffice to say that if a person looks legal and under 70-ish, I'm probably admiring zem. Not always – there are a few people who just don't trigger that, for whatever reason – but far more often than not. I try to be discreet about it; I think mostly I succeed.
17. I don't have many body issues, and virtually no sense of body-shame or modesty. Skin is skin, whether you're two or twenty or fifty or eighty, and clothing is generally restrictive and uncomfortable. Nudity neither bothers nor titillates me, whether my own or someone else's. This lack of reaction, however, does bother my siblings and mother, as well as more conservative acquaintances.
18. I said I don't have many body issues, and that's true. But I would love to be 5'10'' instead of 5'6'', and I would really, really love to get rid of my female-based reproductive cycle. I like my vagina just fine, but I hate the hormones, and the thought of ever being pregnant absolutely appalls me. Sure, I'd like to have kids – but I never, never, never want to be pregnant. Ever. I'd be okay with flattening out my breasts, but I'm also okay with them remaining small; bras just bug me, and sometimes having breasts is irritating because they serve as gender-coded symbols.
19. M. and I never kissed or had sex, but we did a lot of cuddling, some petting, and quite a bit of mild pain-play (mostly because anything more would've led places neither of us, especially she, was quite ready for). I have a definite appreciation for certain types of pain. Scratching and spanking are great, but pinching isn't. Biting turns me on incredibly quickly: I go melty, submissive, and nonvocal faster than you can say masochist. Pressing or scratching into bruises gets nearly the same reaction, and blades make me shivery in the good sort of way.
20. I played with my ass quite a bit as a kid, left it more or less alone in junior high, and discovered it again towards the end of high school, with explosive results. Vaginal penetration feels good, sure, but anal feels so much more intense. I will never understand how people can dislike the sensation; it's easier for me to reach orgasm with anal play than with vaginal, and I almost never come without at least a little of it. Mostly I like deep penetration there, and preferably girth, too, but every once in a while it's enough to tease around and just inside of the rim. Sometimes I envy male-bodied individuals their prostates; I bet anal play would be even more intense then.
21. That envy never goes too far, but only because I then remember that vaginas mean the potential for double penetration, which is fantastic and tends to lead to amazing orgasms when I take the time for it.
22. For all the cliches about Christians, repressed sexuality, and guilt complexes, I really don't care that much about virginity – my own, to be specific. I don't attach any special value to it, and I'm not trying to preserve it. It's just that, while I like to look at people, I'm not remotely interested in casual sex. Some psychologists would classify me as borderline paranoid, especially when it comes to touch, so I'm not comfortable even with most of my friends touching me; also, while I don't put a huge premium on monogamy or virginity, I do on fidelity. Short-term relationships just aren't my style. If S. and I had stayed together once he hit college, we might have; M. and I weren't together long enough for it to be an issue. So while I do have my V-card, it's in a rather incidental sort of way.
23. I hear a lot of talk about G-spots. I've never managed to find mine. Every once in a while I explore for it. Then, when I fail to find it, I shrug philosophically: does it matter, when a vibe up my ass and finger on my clit's enough to send me thrashing and blank-eyed anyways?
24. I don't understand jealousy. I've never had problems with it, and jealous partners just tend to annoy me. Fidelity's a must for me, but that doesn't mean monogamy: instead, it means talking about things, and not going beyond what we agree on. Whether we agree to casual hookups, or poly relationships, or swinging, or monogamy, I expect both of us to follow the tenets of said agreement, and to put each other as first priority. And with that in mind, I have no issues with jealousy, because either zie'll follow those, and all's well, or zie won't, and we'll break up. Likewise, I'll follow them, because that's just the way I roll – so a partner getting jealous might as well be saying that I'm not trustworthy to follow through, which angers me.
25. Probably thanks to my early explorations of the internet and fandom culture, there's not much out there that can shock me any more. At this point, as long as it falls under RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink), I probably won't bat an eyelash. There are, however, a whole lot of things I look forward to exploring. After all, I am 22, almost 23.
Monday, August 22, 2011
1. I'm a 24-year-old cisgendered, heteroromantic, mostly heterosexual woman.
2. I say heteroromantic because I've only ever had, and only ever wanted to have, relations with men.
3. However, I have had girl-crushes in the past, and I've been a little bit in love with my female bisexual housemate for at least 7 years.
4. I am not a virgin. I lost my virginity at age 18 to a man 15 years my senior who I met in a club the night before. It was spectacularly bad (and unprotected, and in public).
5. When I was a child, the kids on my street used to play at sex like some kids play doctor. Before the age of 8, I had had three different (flaccid, prepubescent) cocks in my vagina.
6. I was caught with the third boy, something that was highly traumatic to my child-self and put me off sex, sexiness, and sexual thoughts through all my teens. I think I'm only just getting over it now.
7. Having said that, most of my sexual knowledge comes from fanfic, which I discovered when I was 10 (explicit threesome lifestyle-BDSM fic).
8. I've had [not exactly gentle] sex on a grand total of 3 occasions in my life, with three separate men, yet I still have a hymen. This complicates further attempts at vaginal intercourse, as I know exactly how much it's going to hurt, and how much I'll bleed afterwards.
9. Last year on holiday I sucked a man's cock for the first time. It was totally awesome and I would love to do it again. I believe the official term is "oral fixation," as I like kissing a lot too.
10. My boobs are sort of erogenous dead zones, but I'm pretty damn sure I'd love anal sex.
11. I like masturbating, though I'm not very adventurous about it - it's like scrolling the wheel on a PC mouse. Sometimes it's only a sleep aid.
12. All of my masturbatory fantasies are about consent and power play. E.g. I'm a student and my teacher makes me come over and over whether I like it or not.
13. I'm fairly sure I wouldn't like such power/consent play in real life, but I think I'd be open to experimentation.
14. This is because, although I am quite a tactile person, prone to a degree of touch starvation as an adult, I am also very particular about being touched - especially by men. I like my personal space, and only want it breached upon invitation. It unnerves me when people don't ask.
15. I've toyed with the idea of prostitution, what with being grossly in debt. A part of me would be flattered by the attention, but I think a greater part of me would resent the loss of choice. The rest of me would be consumed by guilt.
16. Having taken part in an orgy makes me sound a lot more sexually experienced than I am for drinking games like "I've Never".
17. For a long while I thought I wanted a boyfriend. I've never had one before. But I've come to the recent realization that I want sex more.
18. To that end, I'm going to join a local swinger/sex club for my birthday. I think I'd like someone to go down on me for the first time there.
19. Everyone seems so enamored of this meeting-and-falling-in-love malarkey. I am fundamentally lazy, however. I would much rather skip the awkward beginning to the comfortable, familiar relationship.
20. I want kids. I sometimes wonder (when the crush on the housemate is particularly strong) if this desire is an assimilated behavior. Is my heteronormativity learned?
21. But for all my talk of heteronormativity, I do sometimes cross the line of genderqueer. I prefer my hair butch-short. I don't wear make-up or dresses (with some exceptions). I have occasionally presented myself as lesbian in the past.
22. My body also fails at performing its gender sometimes. I have hair on my boobs. I have to shave my beard (thanks to PCOS). I am almost excessively hairy everywhere. It's difficult coming to terms with that in this society.
23. Blogs like sexisnottheenemy are great and I love them. However, I can feel alienated by the pictures of pierced/tattooed/mohawk-ed individuals on there, because in that regard I am very vanilla. As I present as a conservative cisgender female, it seems I'm less likely to mingle amongst people who are so open about sex.
24. Things I find most attractive about the male body (in order): arms and shoulders, lips, ass, cocks, eyes.
25. I've never come with another person before. I'd like that to change before I'm 30.
2. I say heteroromantic because I've only ever had, and only ever wanted to have, relations with men.
3. However, I have had girl-crushes in the past, and I've been a little bit in love with my female bisexual housemate for at least 7 years.
4. I am not a virgin. I lost my virginity at age 18 to a man 15 years my senior who I met in a club the night before. It was spectacularly bad (and unprotected, and in public).
5. When I was a child, the kids on my street used to play at sex like some kids play doctor. Before the age of 8, I had had three different (flaccid, prepubescent) cocks in my vagina.
6. I was caught with the third boy, something that was highly traumatic to my child-self and put me off sex, sexiness, and sexual thoughts through all my teens. I think I'm only just getting over it now.
7. Having said that, most of my sexual knowledge comes from fanfic, which I discovered when I was 10 (explicit threesome lifestyle-BDSM fic).
8. I've had [not exactly gentle] sex on a grand total of 3 occasions in my life, with three separate men, yet I still have a hymen. This complicates further attempts at vaginal intercourse, as I know exactly how much it's going to hurt, and how much I'll bleed afterwards.
9. Last year on holiday I sucked a man's cock for the first time. It was totally awesome and I would love to do it again. I believe the official term is "oral fixation," as I like kissing a lot too.
10. My boobs are sort of erogenous dead zones, but I'm pretty damn sure I'd love anal sex.
11. I like masturbating, though I'm not very adventurous about it - it's like scrolling the wheel on a PC mouse. Sometimes it's only a sleep aid.
12. All of my masturbatory fantasies are about consent and power play. E.g. I'm a student and my teacher makes me come over and over whether I like it or not.
13. I'm fairly sure I wouldn't like such power/consent play in real life, but I think I'd be open to experimentation.
14. This is because, although I am quite a tactile person, prone to a degree of touch starvation as an adult, I am also very particular about being touched - especially by men. I like my personal space, and only want it breached upon invitation. It unnerves me when people don't ask.
15. I've toyed with the idea of prostitution, what with being grossly in debt. A part of me would be flattered by the attention, but I think a greater part of me would resent the loss of choice. The rest of me would be consumed by guilt.
16. Having taken part in an orgy makes me sound a lot more sexually experienced than I am for drinking games like "I've Never".
17. For a long while I thought I wanted a boyfriend. I've never had one before. But I've come to the recent realization that I want sex more.
18. To that end, I'm going to join a local swinger/sex club for my birthday. I think I'd like someone to go down on me for the first time there.
19. Everyone seems so enamored of this meeting-and-falling-in-love malarkey. I am fundamentally lazy, however. I would much rather skip the awkward beginning to the comfortable, familiar relationship.
20. I want kids. I sometimes wonder (when the crush on the housemate is particularly strong) if this desire is an assimilated behavior. Is my heteronormativity learned?
21. But for all my talk of heteronormativity, I do sometimes cross the line of genderqueer. I prefer my hair butch-short. I don't wear make-up or dresses (with some exceptions). I have occasionally presented myself as lesbian in the past.
22. My body also fails at performing its gender sometimes. I have hair on my boobs. I have to shave my beard (thanks to PCOS). I am almost excessively hairy everywhere. It's difficult coming to terms with that in this society.
23. Blogs like sexisnottheenemy are great and I love them. However, I can feel alienated by the pictures of pierced/tattooed/mohawk-ed individuals on there, because in that regard I am very vanilla. As I present as a conservative cisgender female, it seems I'm less likely to mingle amongst people who are so open about sex.
24. Things I find most attractive about the male body (in order): arms and shoulders, lips, ass, cocks, eyes.
25. I've never come with another person before. I'd like that to change before I'm 30.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
1. The first time I had sex was when I was 17. It was with a prostitute--"escort"--who was probably fifteen or twenty years older than me. I found her online. I am nearly nineteen now and that is still the only instance where I have had sex.
2. When I arrived at her small apartment, she had already been drinking a bit even though it was only 3 in the afternoon, which probably helped me convince her I really was a college student, and she was bad at math so when she looked at my ID she didn’t realize I was under 18. My God, does that sound awful. Oh well, it’s true.
3. After a bit of small talk and a couple “you're not a cop, right” questions, she suggested we go upstairs. I got naked on the bed and she stripped to her underwear and proceeded to go down on me. After about ten minutes I stopped her and went enthusiastically down on her, until even she stopped acting like she enjoyed it. Actual penetrative intercourse happened next. It started and ended in missionary and was over way too soon (five minutes would be generous). Despite having an extremely active libido 99% of the time, and usually being able to jerk off 3+ times in under an hour, I couldn’t get it up for another go.
4. It didn’t help that I felt an overwhelming feeling of shame and paranoia about STDs (even though I used a condom ) immediately afterwards. Also I had a running challenge with myself to see how long I could go without masturbating, which after a month of torture led me to paying a woman to take my virginity, and left me sexually exhausted.
5. Afterwards I realized I had also just paid a woman $140 to basically just masturbate inside of her. Not that I regret it though, really.
6. I masturbated to the experience twice six hours later. I still couldn’t believe it had actually just happened.
7. I’ve only dated three girls since eighth grade. The first was from my neighborhood, the second was a girl I met at a party, and the third went to my school two grades below me. None of the relationships have lasted longer than a month.
8. Partly this was because the school I went to was 45 minutes away from where I lived, and very small, which made it hard to hang out with friends after school and on weekends. And since I had gone there since I was in fourth grade, most of the friendships I had around the neighborhood sort of died off.
9. Mostly the relationships stopped because we had nothing in common with each other. I dated them because I was bored, lonely and horny, and they were cute. I think they were doing the same, but neither of us would end up having much in common. After a month we didn’t have much to talk about anymore.
10. This terrifies me, however, that all my future relationships will end up this way. I have met a few girls that I do have an instant connection with, and this does help to stem the fear a bit. On the positive side this fear is a motivating factor behind me trying to be a better person both physically (lifting weights) and mentally (actively trying to be more outgoing and more confident).
11. Moving on to other firsts, I first kissed a girl when I was 16. It was girl number two that I dated, at a party, and wonderful. A bit late, but that’s the story of my life, I suppose.
12. I first started to masturbate when I was twelve or thirteen. It happened the same way I found out about escorts--I stumbled across an internet article on the subject and got a butterfly/adrenaline rush in my stomach as I thought holy shit, I can actually do this.
13. I then spent a large amount of time researching techniques on how to jerk off, and jerking off. Oddly enough, internet porn never really came into the equation until later.
14. It actually probably took a month or two of steady practice before I was able to orgasm, and I started ejaculating soon after that.
15. Another first was the time I found two Penthouses under my older brother’s pillow instead of the Harry Potter book I had been looking for. What a revelation those magazines were. Before, I would try and make mental images of naked girls whenever I was lucky enough to watch an R-rated movie. I remember the full frontal scene from Life of Brian had me sexually frustrated (since I didn’t know about masturbating then) for weeks. When I found those magazines, I could finally study every part of the female anatomy in extremely explicit detail to my heart's content. I was in fifth grade at the time, and every time I looked at a girl from my class for a week following that I would see the pictures from Penthouse, which definitely freaked me out a bit.
16. I’ve always liked anal penetration. I remember soon after I started masturbating, I would be in the shower and alternate between stroking my cock and playing with the entrance to my asshole. I think my justification for exploring my asshole was that I wanted to feel how a girl feels being fucked.
17. I experimented with anal masturbation in full two years ago. I never found my P-Spot after a pretty long time exploring, but I did realize that orgasming with a finger in my ass does actually lead to a different orgasm. I also generally enjoyed the feeling and new sensations of having something in my ass.
18. I would like to be fucked by a woman with a strap-on. I think that is ridiculously hot.
19. Additionally, I would love to be in the middle of a MMF threesome. Being fucked by a real cock while simultaneously fucking, licking, or getting sucked off by a woman would be sexual heaven.
20. I’m not entirely sure where I would rate my sexuality. I do think men can be beautiful but they simply don’t have the gut punching effect as when I see a beautiful lady. And in my hornier moments I definitely wonder/fantasize about giving blowjobs, and receiving anal sex. But even then intimate things like kissing or swallowing tend to gross me out for some reason. I find it odd that I would love to have a cock in my ass but have no desire to kiss who that cock belongs to.
21. My preferred porn is erotica. Visually it tends to rotate between vanilla, prostitute, amateur porn, hardcore hentai (this is probably what I’m most ashamed of and I don’t really know why), and strap-on porn, usually in a random order.
22. I’ve also read The Multi-Orgasmic Man and attempted to become multi-orgasmic, but I usually lose interest in the exercises and stop trying after about a month. I do love having strong PC muscles though.
23. The college I’m going to attend has a tumblr where students can submit naked photos of themselves. I am considering submitting a photo of myself for some of the same reasons I am submitting this. Plus the thought helps keep me motivated for going to the gym and keeping things trimmed down there.
24. Because 25 things are surprisingly long, this one is kind of filler. There were four girls that sat in front of me during grammar my junior year, and one at least once a week always popped a thong. This destroyed any chance I had about learning grammar, and once I saw that it would be very difficult to tear my eyes away for the rest of the class. Since there were only 12 people in the class, it was probably painfully obvious to the teacher, but she never said anything. Random tangent: The teacher was arrested last year for dating and sexing up a fifteen-year-old like seven years ago. She was pretty good looking, too.
25. I don’t know how to say this without sounding like an asshole so I’m just going to say it: Assuming I’m not in a monogamous relationship, and if I have large amounts of cash to spare, I could see myself using prostitutes again in the future, even if I am getting regular sex from multiple partners. There is just something sexy about no-bullshit sort-of-sex sort-of-masturbation and being in the position to choose a girl exactly to what your sexual desires are at the moment, and acting on those desires when you feel like it.
2. When I arrived at her small apartment, she had already been drinking a bit even though it was only 3 in the afternoon, which probably helped me convince her I really was a college student, and she was bad at math so when she looked at my ID she didn’t realize I was under 18. My God, does that sound awful. Oh well, it’s true.
3. After a bit of small talk and a couple “you're not a cop, right” questions, she suggested we go upstairs. I got naked on the bed and she stripped to her underwear and proceeded to go down on me. After about ten minutes I stopped her and went enthusiastically down on her, until even she stopped acting like she enjoyed it. Actual penetrative intercourse happened next. It started and ended in missionary and was over way too soon (five minutes would be generous). Despite having an extremely active libido 99% of the time, and usually being able to jerk off 3+ times in under an hour, I couldn’t get it up for another go.
4. It didn’t help that I felt an overwhelming feeling of shame and paranoia about STDs (even though I used a condom ) immediately afterwards. Also I had a running challenge with myself to see how long I could go without masturbating, which after a month of torture led me to paying a woman to take my virginity, and left me sexually exhausted.
5. Afterwards I realized I had also just paid a woman $140 to basically just masturbate inside of her. Not that I regret it though, really.
6. I masturbated to the experience twice six hours later. I still couldn’t believe it had actually just happened.
7. I’ve only dated three girls since eighth grade. The first was from my neighborhood, the second was a girl I met at a party, and the third went to my school two grades below me. None of the relationships have lasted longer than a month.
8. Partly this was because the school I went to was 45 minutes away from where I lived, and very small, which made it hard to hang out with friends after school and on weekends. And since I had gone there since I was in fourth grade, most of the friendships I had around the neighborhood sort of died off.
9. Mostly the relationships stopped because we had nothing in common with each other. I dated them because I was bored, lonely and horny, and they were cute. I think they were doing the same, but neither of us would end up having much in common. After a month we didn’t have much to talk about anymore.
10. This terrifies me, however, that all my future relationships will end up this way. I have met a few girls that I do have an instant connection with, and this does help to stem the fear a bit. On the positive side this fear is a motivating factor behind me trying to be a better person both physically (lifting weights) and mentally (actively trying to be more outgoing and more confident).
11. Moving on to other firsts, I first kissed a girl when I was 16. It was girl number two that I dated, at a party, and wonderful. A bit late, but that’s the story of my life, I suppose.
12. I first started to masturbate when I was twelve or thirteen. It happened the same way I found out about escorts--I stumbled across an internet article on the subject and got a butterfly/adrenaline rush in my stomach as I thought holy shit, I can actually do this.
13. I then spent a large amount of time researching techniques on how to jerk off, and jerking off. Oddly enough, internet porn never really came into the equation until later.
14. It actually probably took a month or two of steady practice before I was able to orgasm, and I started ejaculating soon after that.
15. Another first was the time I found two Penthouses under my older brother’s pillow instead of the Harry Potter book I had been looking for. What a revelation those magazines were. Before, I would try and make mental images of naked girls whenever I was lucky enough to watch an R-rated movie. I remember the full frontal scene from Life of Brian had me sexually frustrated (since I didn’t know about masturbating then) for weeks. When I found those magazines, I could finally study every part of the female anatomy in extremely explicit detail to my heart's content. I was in fifth grade at the time, and every time I looked at a girl from my class for a week following that I would see the pictures from Penthouse, which definitely freaked me out a bit.
16. I’ve always liked anal penetration. I remember soon after I started masturbating, I would be in the shower and alternate between stroking my cock and playing with the entrance to my asshole. I think my justification for exploring my asshole was that I wanted to feel how a girl feels being fucked.
17. I experimented with anal masturbation in full two years ago. I never found my P-Spot after a pretty long time exploring, but I did realize that orgasming with a finger in my ass does actually lead to a different orgasm. I also generally enjoyed the feeling and new sensations of having something in my ass.
18. I would like to be fucked by a woman with a strap-on. I think that is ridiculously hot.
19. Additionally, I would love to be in the middle of a MMF threesome. Being fucked by a real cock while simultaneously fucking, licking, or getting sucked off by a woman would be sexual heaven.
20. I’m not entirely sure where I would rate my sexuality. I do think men can be beautiful but they simply don’t have the gut punching effect as when I see a beautiful lady. And in my hornier moments I definitely wonder/fantasize about giving blowjobs, and receiving anal sex. But even then intimate things like kissing or swallowing tend to gross me out for some reason. I find it odd that I would love to have a cock in my ass but have no desire to kiss who that cock belongs to.
21. My preferred porn is erotica. Visually it tends to rotate between vanilla, prostitute, amateur porn, hardcore hentai (this is probably what I’m most ashamed of and I don’t really know why), and strap-on porn, usually in a random order.
22. I’ve also read The Multi-Orgasmic Man and attempted to become multi-orgasmic, but I usually lose interest in the exercises and stop trying after about a month. I do love having strong PC muscles though.
23. The college I’m going to attend has a tumblr where students can submit naked photos of themselves. I am considering submitting a photo of myself for some of the same reasons I am submitting this. Plus the thought helps keep me motivated for going to the gym and keeping things trimmed down there.
24. Because 25 things are surprisingly long, this one is kind of filler. There were four girls that sat in front of me during grammar my junior year, and one at least once a week always popped a thong. This destroyed any chance I had about learning grammar, and once I saw that it would be very difficult to tear my eyes away for the rest of the class. Since there were only 12 people in the class, it was probably painfully obvious to the teacher, but she never said anything. Random tangent: The teacher was arrested last year for dating and sexing up a fifteen-year-old like seven years ago. She was pretty good looking, too.
25. I don’t know how to say this without sounding like an asshole so I’m just going to say it: Assuming I’m not in a monogamous relationship, and if I have large amounts of cash to spare, I could see myself using prostitutes again in the future, even if I am getting regular sex from multiple partners. There is just something sexy about no-bullshit sort-of-sex sort-of-masturbation and being in the position to choose a girl exactly to what your sexual desires are at the moment, and acting on those desires when you feel like it.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
1. I am 31 years old and consider myself mostly straight.
2. I lost my virginity when I was 21. I've never really had a whole lot of luck with men.
3. I have made out with women before, and have been thinking more and more recently about having sex with a woman, but I don't necessarily consider myself bisexual.
4. I am an immigrant to this country, and I think that I identify strongly with gay people because of it. I really identify with their feelings of isolation and fear of discovery and being "outed," and draw a lot of parallels between growing up gay and growing up an immigrant. Homosexuality and transsexuality interest me; I campaigned for gay marriage in my state. I am extremely secure in my sexuality, but I am becoming more aware every day that it is not as black and white as I may have been raised to believe.
5. I was celibate for 4 years. At first unintentionally, and then on purpose. I know that the time I spent not having sex made me appreciate how I feel about sex and sexuality a lot more. I am more honest with myself about what sex means to me.
6. I have slept with 8 men in the last 10 years of my sexual activity. Two I considered boyfriends at the time, but ever only called one my boyfriend in public. Four were one-night stands. Four were friends with benefits. One was my best friend's boyfriend, whom I fucked while I was dating the only one I ever called my boyfriend. One was my best friend.
7. I had a mostly platonic relationship with a man. It made me realize that I was madly in love with him and I had a really fucked-up conception of love.
8. I have a hard time connecting sex with love.
9. I have a hard time connecting with people beyond sex.
10. Sex energizes me. I prefer to be on top. I like to be in control in bed as much as possible, and I prefer rough sex.
11. I have considered doing porn. I think that in this day and age, there is less stigma involved and more room to be who you want to be and still be seen as smart.
12. I don't know any new sex terminology. I don't really care.
13. I worry sometimes that I will never have a relationship beyond casual sex. I don't know what that makes me.
14. I was raised very religious, and my beliefs now contradict strongly with my upbringing. I am glad that I was able to overcome the church's narrow view of sex and sexuality, and never got brainwashed.
15. My sex drive fluctuates wildly. I can go long periods without thinking about it and then become insanely horny.
16. The best sex I have ever had was with a man I barely knew. He was 12 years older than me.
17. The man I am seeing now is much younger than me. I care about him, but I don't see our relationship going anywhere, and being with him makes me realize that I am ready for something serious. I feel like I may be too emotionally stunted to get it.
18. I saw porn for the first time when I was 7 or 8. It was a weird collage in my friend's attic. Looking back, I remember it now as a dusty framed poster of a collage someone made and hid in the attic. Looking back, that's insanely creepy.
19. I have three older sisters. We have only begun to talk about sex now that we are all in our thirties.
20. I don't remember having "the talk" with my mother, but I do remember her saying inappropriate things to me as a child that I am just getting as an adult. I find them funny, mostly.
21. I have never role-played in bed, but I have tried bondage. I would like to get into a relationship with someone who is very open sexually and with whom I can explore things.
22. I have only been in love with one person. We were extremely close for 10 years, and only had penetrative sex once. I was fiercely in love with him and he cared nothing about me. He just liked that I worshiped him.
23. I have never had sex with or even made out with anyone of my own race. I really, really want to.
24. I consider myself beautiful for the first time in my life. It has made me extremely selective.
25. My goal is to marry my soul-mate. I'm worried I'll never meet him.
2. I lost my virginity when I was 21. I've never really had a whole lot of luck with men.
3. I have made out with women before, and have been thinking more and more recently about having sex with a woman, but I don't necessarily consider myself bisexual.
4. I am an immigrant to this country, and I think that I identify strongly with gay people because of it. I really identify with their feelings of isolation and fear of discovery and being "outed," and draw a lot of parallels between growing up gay and growing up an immigrant. Homosexuality and transsexuality interest me; I campaigned for gay marriage in my state. I am extremely secure in my sexuality, but I am becoming more aware every day that it is not as black and white as I may have been raised to believe.
5. I was celibate for 4 years. At first unintentionally, and then on purpose. I know that the time I spent not having sex made me appreciate how I feel about sex and sexuality a lot more. I am more honest with myself about what sex means to me.
6. I have slept with 8 men in the last 10 years of my sexual activity. Two I considered boyfriends at the time, but ever only called one my boyfriend in public. Four were one-night stands. Four were friends with benefits. One was my best friend's boyfriend, whom I fucked while I was dating the only one I ever called my boyfriend. One was my best friend.
7. I had a mostly platonic relationship with a man. It made me realize that I was madly in love with him and I had a really fucked-up conception of love.
8. I have a hard time connecting sex with love.
9. I have a hard time connecting with people beyond sex.
10. Sex energizes me. I prefer to be on top. I like to be in control in bed as much as possible, and I prefer rough sex.
11. I have considered doing porn. I think that in this day and age, there is less stigma involved and more room to be who you want to be and still be seen as smart.
12. I don't know any new sex terminology. I don't really care.
13. I worry sometimes that I will never have a relationship beyond casual sex. I don't know what that makes me.
14. I was raised very religious, and my beliefs now contradict strongly with my upbringing. I am glad that I was able to overcome the church's narrow view of sex and sexuality, and never got brainwashed.
15. My sex drive fluctuates wildly. I can go long periods without thinking about it and then become insanely horny.
16. The best sex I have ever had was with a man I barely knew. He was 12 years older than me.
17. The man I am seeing now is much younger than me. I care about him, but I don't see our relationship going anywhere, and being with him makes me realize that I am ready for something serious. I feel like I may be too emotionally stunted to get it.
18. I saw porn for the first time when I was 7 or 8. It was a weird collage in my friend's attic. Looking back, I remember it now as a dusty framed poster of a collage someone made and hid in the attic. Looking back, that's insanely creepy.
19. I have three older sisters. We have only begun to talk about sex now that we are all in our thirties.
20. I don't remember having "the talk" with my mother, but I do remember her saying inappropriate things to me as a child that I am just getting as an adult. I find them funny, mostly.
21. I have never role-played in bed, but I have tried bondage. I would like to get into a relationship with someone who is very open sexually and with whom I can explore things.
22. I have only been in love with one person. We were extremely close for 10 years, and only had penetrative sex once. I was fiercely in love with him and he cared nothing about me. He just liked that I worshiped him.
23. I have never had sex with or even made out with anyone of my own race. I really, really want to.
24. I consider myself beautiful for the first time in my life. It has made me extremely selective.
25. My goal is to marry my soul-mate. I'm worried I'll never meet him.
Friday, August 19, 2011
1. I am a 28-year-old female from the States.
2. The closest thing I have ever had to a relationship is with the married man I'm sleeping with. I don't feel guilty sleeping with him. He makes me feel wanted.
3. I don't like anal sex, and used to cry when someone tried, but am more willing to do it with him.
4. The first time I had sex I was drunk off of a bottle of Mad Dog. I don't remember any of it but waking up and crying because I didn't have pants on. When I put too much thought into that night, I end up resenting my friends for letting it happen.
5. Guy-on-guy anything is hot. I wish I knew more straight men who were more bi-curious.
6. I like sucking dick. I got my tongue pierced to make it more enjoyable, and he doesn't like it at all, so I have to take it out.
7. I have gone years without having sex with anyone, because everyone I was sleeping with made me feel used.
8. I have had a few threesomes. I didn't enjoy a girl going down on me as much as I enjoyed doing things to her.
9. I am overweight, and have no problem getting naked.
10. I like being held down and tied up, and I think it should happen more often.
11. I love kissing. Which is a big switch from the way I used to feel--before, I never used to kiss anybody I was sleeping with.
12. I masturbate between one and three times a week. I have a dildo but don't like it, so I just use my fingers on my clit.
13. I love being on top and knowing that he has to look at me if he's got his eyes open, but the way I get off the fastest is when I'm lying on my stomach and he enters me that way.
14. Pierced dicks are a good thing, but it also helps if you know what you are doing.
15. I am more physically attracted to guys who are confident, but end up falling in unreciprocated love with boys that are quiet guys.
16. I refuse to take off my socks during sex.
17. The first time I had a guy go down on me, I didn't enjoy it at all, and didn't let anyone go down on me for a long time. The first time my FWB went down on me I couldn't combine words to make a sentence to tell him how AMAZING it was.
20. Up until recently I have never stayed the night in a guy's bed without anything happening, and just being close was a bigger turn-on than I could have imagined.
21. I don't like having my hair grabbed when I am going down on a guy, but he's an exception.
22. I like sober sex more than drunk sex.
23. I haven't slept with anyone who lives in the same town as me in 7 years. I don't plan it that way. I swear.
24. I love arms. And I'm not saying they have to be well-defined or anything like that, but they should not be just fat!
25. Smiles and lips melt my heart.
2. The closest thing I have ever had to a relationship is with the married man I'm sleeping with. I don't feel guilty sleeping with him. He makes me feel wanted.
3. I don't like anal sex, and used to cry when someone tried, but am more willing to do it with him.
4. The first time I had sex I was drunk off of a bottle of Mad Dog. I don't remember any of it but waking up and crying because I didn't have pants on. When I put too much thought into that night, I end up resenting my friends for letting it happen.
5. Guy-on-guy anything is hot. I wish I knew more straight men who were more bi-curious.
6. I like sucking dick. I got my tongue pierced to make it more enjoyable, and he doesn't like it at all, so I have to take it out.
7. I have gone years without having sex with anyone, because everyone I was sleeping with made me feel used.
8. I have had a few threesomes. I didn't enjoy a girl going down on me as much as I enjoyed doing things to her.
9. I am overweight, and have no problem getting naked.
10. I like being held down and tied up, and I think it should happen more often.
11. I love kissing. Which is a big switch from the way I used to feel--before, I never used to kiss anybody I was sleeping with.
12. I masturbate between one and three times a week. I have a dildo but don't like it, so I just use my fingers on my clit.
13. I love being on top and knowing that he has to look at me if he's got his eyes open, but the way I get off the fastest is when I'm lying on my stomach and he enters me that way.
14. Pierced dicks are a good thing, but it also helps if you know what you are doing.
15. I am more physically attracted to guys who are confident, but end up falling in unreciprocated love with boys that are quiet guys.
16. I refuse to take off my socks during sex.
17. The first time I had a guy go down on me, I didn't enjoy it at all, and didn't let anyone go down on me for a long time. The first time my FWB went down on me I couldn't combine words to make a sentence to tell him how AMAZING it was.
20. Up until recently I have never stayed the night in a guy's bed without anything happening, and just being close was a bigger turn-on than I could have imagined.
21. I don't like having my hair grabbed when I am going down on a guy, but he's an exception.
22. I like sober sex more than drunk sex.
23. I haven't slept with anyone who lives in the same town as me in 7 years. I don't plan it that way. I swear.
24. I love arms. And I'm not saying they have to be well-defined or anything like that, but they should not be just fat!
25. Smiles and lips melt my heart.
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