1. Some of my earliest memories involve sex. I remember, when I was two, my father was watching pornography while I was around and must have thought I was too young to remember. A woman on the flick was performing fellatio on two men. I have a separate memory of trying to touch my father’s penis while he was teaching me to pee standing (he smacked my hand away)… I guess my interest in the male anatomy blossomed early on.

2. Likely as a result of modeling (see #1) I experimented with two other boys in preschool/kindergarten. I would routinely perform fellatio on them. These experiences were mutually enjoyable and went on for some time. The day care that I attended found out about this and I was sent to counseling. They tried to teach me shame about my budding sexuality. It didn’t work. One of those boys was my first crush ever. He gave me a valentine’s day present when I was four that I still have and treasure.

3. When I was nine/ten my neighbor – the father of my friend – who was watching me while my mother was at church would get naked and encourage me to touch his penis. My first images of men in cut-off denims come from this man. I was always, always well aware of what was going on and how the events would be viewed by others. I put off telling my mother about them because I was curious and interested in the sexual contact – hormones active or not. I was once encouraged to get in the shower with him and then into bed… I was nervous about it but not against it. I regret not doing it. I also learned about pre-cum from this man. When the events eventually went to court – I told because I knew I was “supposed to” – a part of me felt bad for this man. A part of me did not forgive him for doing this with other children whom I knew did not fully understand what was happening.

4. When I was in sixth grade I finally put two and two together and slapped “gay” on myself. It was one of the most freeing experiences of my life. I was eleven though I had always known without the language to back it.

5. I discovered pornography when I was in sixth grade by typing “gay” into a search engine while looking for information about who I was. I found gay porn instead and am still enjoying trying to quench my desire for erotic stimulation.

6. All my early and a majority of my current sexual experiences are negotiated over the internet. I grew up in a very rural area and the only, only access I had to other queer folk was online. My sexuality has formed through this medium and I oscillate between being empowered by and feeling atrophied in having skills of engaging in sexuality off the internet.

7. What I consider my first adult sexual experience was when I was thirteen. He was twenty-four. He paid me $80 for my time. I have always remembered being perplexed by the stigmas surrounding sex work. I felt elated and would many years later rekindle this energy (see #16).

8. Virginity was never a thing I cared about. I was waiting to find someone who knew what they were doing and could guide me through the process. I found a very attractive guy who was twenty-two when I was sixteen. When we were having sex (first time in the shower) he said “are you sure you haven’t done this before?” I am half proud and half annoyed by that statement. It made me feel like I had some competency during sex. What I was working very hard to suppress was the intense pain of my first penetration. Once I finished I held the sentiment of “good, that’s over with.”

9. I really only like being penetrated in bed. All other acts are secondary to this – except kissing. I am very erotic/sensual and incredibly sensitive to touch but I really just want to get fucked. I would rather masturbate for an hour by myself then jerk off with someone for one minute. Put it in my ass!

10. I know that I kiss well. I know that I give amazing head. I am proud that I have a talented mouth and am often reaffirmed of this. Oh yeah, and I can deep-throat like a Hoover.

11. I have always been sexually adventurous and very, very open with my sexuality. I have never understood when people are uncomfortable with or ashamed of their sexuality. I take pride in helping people I care about grow into/beyond their sexuality.

12. I identify as queer. This was an evolution. In college I went through a period of shock/denial when I first was attracted to a woman. I was actually ashamed of it because our culture carves out very safe roles for “gay” men and “straight” women. I was scared that my female friends with whom I feel very akin to and comfortable with would reject me. I got over it and have embraced evolution of my sexuality/sensuality. I have always been very, very attracted to trans men.

13. I have had a lot of sex with a lot of people. My count is relatively high and I have no idea what it is. I recently had the “how many have you” conversation and realized that my number – well over a hundred (I’m twenty-three) is not typical of many people my age. I like that I have been confident in my sexuality. I worry that my emotionality has been neglected though.

14. I liked my ex-partner very much but the sex was awful. He would not last more than thirty seconds before he would cum. I always felt that I was racing to finish before/with him. I have not had many long-term sexual partners or relationships so I stuck with it. I should have listened to my friends who were shocked that I would remain in a sexually unfulfilling relationship.

15. I hate that I’m a size queen – but it’s true. Size does matter – for me at least.

16. While in college I was behind on rent one month and in desperation put an ad out to do sex work (prostitution). I earned a whole month’s rent in two days. I realized that I was so wired to do this work. The feeling of elation I got after a job still stays with me today. I have not worked a square (mainstream) job in over a year. I have paid my tuition, rent, trips, food, etc – all of it – with sex work. I love my job. Ups and downs like any field… but I can’t see myself doing anything else for a good while (see # 7).

17. Through my line of work (see #16) I have come to reaffirm my understanding that most people are desperately, potently seeing love/affection. Sex may be the vehicle for this but most of my clients are looking for love/affection. It is a powerful position to be providing this for other human beings. My work fills this need for me often. Sometimes, I think I’m “winning” to be getting paid to have sex, meet great (mostly) people, and be affectionate with many other human beings.

18. I hate having sex when I’m tired. I used to just blow my ex-partner when he was horny and I was tired to get him off of me. I am almost always aroused in the morning.

19. When people perform fellatio on my penis I’m not that into it. I think this is related to my loose attachment to my (trans)gender identity. I identify adamantly as genderqueer.

20. I have very powerful erogenous zones – simple areas that respond to touch. There are spots on my body that if stimulated will override everything in my psyche. My body will buck, I will contort, all arrays of sounds come out of me, and I am unable to think of anything but the ecstasy of what is happening. I would rather have this than any other kind of foreplay. People who have bothered to explore these parts of myself have awed me with the generosity and beauty of what my body is capable of. I am sad to say too few have done so.

21. I don’t know what I think/feel about mono/polyamory. I suspect that I will settle on a polyamorous view of how I want a relationship. I’m still not sure. I’ve been lied to and that makes me cautious.

22. I want children. Through my sex work, my promiscuous nature, my free and often unattached sexuality I am always wanting children. I want to raise my children to embrace their sexuality/sensuality in a healthy and full manner. I do not like that our culture does not make room for prepubescent sexuality (see # 2).

23. I want to be topped by a woman with a strap-on.

24. Empathy is one of my strongest skills and gifts. So is my sexuality. I, like many queer folk, came into dating later then many of my peers and have only had one serious relationship (I’m twenty-three.) I worry that I will end up a very sexually expressed, sexually bored old queer man with no one to love but many to fuck. This is very scary for me.

25. Being a prostitute – and good at what I do – I am very good at picking up on what people are looking for sexually and have done a great deal. That being said I know there are fields and fields of sexual experiences out there for me to explore – and I look forward to it. I am quite actively looking for people to show me the way.