1. I hate the term “fucking” when I say it- it sounds ugly, guttural and disrespectful. But when my girlfriend says it, it’s the sexiest thing in the world.

2. I’m a HUGE fan of power dynamics and desperately want to incorporate more BDSM into my sexual encounters. However, my greatest fear in life is being raped, and the juxtaposition of these two items doesn’t sit comfortably.

3. My mother is a nurse midwife, so she was adamant on sexual education at a very young age. This didn’t extend very far into the important stuff about sex like emotional connection, desire, or orgasms, but I did get the basic “talk” around age 6. I believe I compared sex to a party. Little did I know…

4. The first time I had sex was on the third date with my first boyfriend. He had told me he wanted to make love to me on our first real date and I said no, partially because I was positive I’d get pregnant and partially because I knew it was a bad idea emotionally. I hadn’t even considered the possibility of sleeping with him before he brought it up. After he mentioned it, though, I knew that I wanted to have sex, but the act of it scared the shit out of me, so I wasn’t aroused or into it at all when it happened. It was not even remotely enjoyable. I kept having sex with him, though, hoping it would get better. It never did. It wasn’t until about a year and a half and another boyfriend later that I realized I just wasn’t sexually attracted to men. Although I know it couldn’t even remotely qualify as rape, there’s something in the intersection of my desperate need for physical affection, my lack of understanding in the entire situation, and the way he used “I love you” (my first) to get what he wanted that doesn’t make me feel good.

5. My vagina is really small, even when aroused, so sex with both my boyfriends and my vibrator hurts terribly. Mercifully, my girlfriend has small fingers.

6. The idea of being a prostitute always used to repulse me, but I realize now that it was because I always framed it in terms of male customers. If I served a strictly female clientele, the idea becomes not only tolerable, but mildly intriguing.

7. I have the most obscene sex drive when I’m around my girlfriend. When I came to college, though, (about a week before I met her), I had a conversation with my roommate about how I didn’t really like sex and didn’t see what the big deal was.

8. Luckily, my sex drive pretty much shuts down when I’m away from my girlfriend. She’s been gone for over 3 weeks now and I think I’ve masturbated once. This will come in handy, I think, when I study abroad.

9. My little sister had sex before me and gave me a lecture about waiting when I went on the pill because I was going to sleep with my first boyfriend. It pains me to say that her advice was probably right.

10. On the other hand, I feel like no matter how bad my sexual experiences with my first boyfriend were, they opened me up to the idea of myself as a sexual being and without that, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I certainly wouldn’t be able to write as openly and honestly about sex, which is one thing I really enjoy.

11. For years, I thought I was unable to orgasm, but after about 2 weeks of sleeping with my girlfriend, I had my first one. It wasn’t long after that when she got me to have multiples. Life is wonderful.

12. I like to pretend I’m an exhibitionist, but I’m not. After having an argument with my girlfriend, I tried to get her to have sex in the open area of her apartment’s kitchen with her roommate just across the hall in her bedroom. She wouldn’t go along with it. I broke down crying and realized that I was only doing it to avoid dealing with the fight. It was the most ashamed I’d been in our entire relationship. She hugged me and told me it didn’t matter and everything was fine.

13. I love the first 10 seconds of doggie-style sex more than anything in the world. It feels so good and tight, but after about 3 thrusts, it begins to hurt unbearably and I can’t enjoy it anymore. This does not happen when my partner uses fingers, but it also doesn’t feel nearly as good.

14. It pisses me off that I have to post things like this anonymously for fear that my friends, girlfriend, or family might see it and be uncomfortable with it. I respect their limits, but it bothers me to be accountable for so many people’s sensibilities.

15. The morning after my senior prom, my boyfriend took me home and fingered me in the basement because he knew that I didn’t have the strength or stamina to stand regular sex. I didn’t even give him a blow job. I consider this one of the most selfless sexual acts I’ve ever witnessed.

16. This boyfriend, overall actually, was rather selfless. We had a lot of problems with sex because of my shape, so he did research, offered sensual alternatives, and did everything he could to make sure I was enjoying myself as much as possible. At one point, I couldn’t continue the act of sex, so he got up, left the room, and five minutes later brought me to the bathroom where he had drawn a hot bath for us.

17. I talk with my girlfriend all the time about him. Rather than being jealous, she’s thankful for him having treated me so well.

18. I’m moving in with my girlfriend in just over a month and I already can’t imagine myself living my life out with anyone else. Everything from my conception of real, intimate sex to how I carry out my daily routine has been inextricably combined in our co-existence.

19. I’m desperately afraid that when I go to Africa, I will be unable to hide that I am queer and will be raped or abused for it.

20. The professionalism of my new blog makes me feel better about talking about sex in an open forum. It alleviates some of the fears from #14.

21. I have absolutely no desire to be a teacher, but I really, really want to teach a comprehensive sex ed class or workshop at some point in my life. I feel like it is so important, especially for women, to understand and really take hold of their own sexual desire, and if I can give them the resources or the platform to discuss issues of sex and sexuality, that would make me incredibly happy.

22. When I started looking at porn online, I only ever looked for female porn. It never occurred to me that there was porn of men, or that it was even remotely abnormal that I focused on women. I had no conception of my own queerness at the time. I just didn’t look for pictures of penises.

23. I have yet to have that really wild, rip your clothes off, totally uninhibited sex. I can feel it coming in the near future, though, and I am seriously excited.

24. I’ve always wanted to do nude modeling, but felt that I wasn’t thin enough. Now that I’ve lost weight and feel confident about myself, I find that I can’t conscience it because the pictures might end up somewhere my family or friends might see them. And I’m almost certain my girlfriend would not approve.

25. I lost my virginity on Friday the 13th. Somehow I find this fitting.