1. I am a queer, 21-year-old female.

2. I know labels don’t work for everyone, but coming across the concept of a queer identity really helped me make sense of my feelings and gave me newfound confidence in my choices. Identifying as queer politicized my experience, gave me a language with which to examine it and opened up an exciting new community filled with amazing people.

3. I think that my earliest sexual fantasy must have been around the age of nine, and involved drowning in a pitcher plant.

4. I needed to get out of my parents’ house before exploring my sexuality with other people. I regret not having a teenage romance.

5. I’m especially attracted to people who are assertive, creative, and show passionate dissent.

6. Intense eye contact with strangers. Major turn-on.

7. I get the most pleasure out of being dominated. Pinned down, held against the wall, bitten, tied up and fucked, fisted over and over. I like it rough.

8. Before my first serious relationship, I slept around, every opportunity that came my way. I never said no. It wasn’t safe sex. This was really stupid and I am very lucky not to have paid the price with my health. These experiences, while memorable and in many ways meaningful, did not wholly satisfy me.

9. I blacked out the first time my current girlfriend fucked me. The sex wasn’t violent, but more forceful and with an intensity that I had never experienced before. She told me it wasn’t the first time this had happened to one of her partners, she was apologetic and brought me tea and oranges in bed. In all truth, I found the whole experience of losing consciousness after sex really hot, but it hasn’t happened since. Suppose I’ve built up my endurance.

10. I’ve been in two serious relationships back to back with women by the same name... they had more issues with this than me.

11. My most intense orgasms are still with the shower head. Although I can easily make myself come, it wasn’t until my second girlfriend that I let someone bring me to orgasm. There’s a scene in The Unbearable Lightness of Being, where Teresa has sex with a stranger, and despite trying to fight off the build of her orgasm, she comes. I want to be made to come like that. Out of my control, against my control.

12. I have trouble initiating things with people I don’t yet understand.

13. Although I’ve never slept with a man, I’d like to. I used to worry about whether men would be able to handle the fact that I love and am very much attracted to women. I’ve since made some very good queer-positive male friends and they are totally cool. And why would I want to be with a guy who wasn’t?

14. I’ve cheated before. I don’t quite know how to confront that part of myself.

15. I’m curious about how people make polyamorous relationships work, and I wonder if I’d be too jealous a lover.

16. I like to leave the blinds open when I’m naked. If I didn’t have a roommate, I would walk around the apartment naked.

17. I would love to model in full Japanese-style rope bondage for a room full of people who are drawing me. My girlfriend is incredible with knots. I’ve yet to keep her tied up, but she humors me.

18. I want to have more public sex.

19. I find my partners’ past sexual histories thrilling.

20. I wish I had more fantasies to play out. I wonder if I am out of touch with my desires on some fundamental level. I’ve never made a list like this before.

21. I find peoples’ vulnerability during pleasure really moving.

22. I’d like to spend more time in bed with people, not having sex. Reading a book, talking, watching. I don’t smoke, but I like the idea of lighting up after sex. It seems like such a release from the cares of the world.

23. Enjoying and preparing good food with others is sexy.

24. D.I.Y. sex toys appeal to me. I think I’ll sign up for that workshop.

25. I want to be with someone for the long haul who will be mischievous with me, who will grow with me, and who will love me into old age.