1. I am twenty-nine and female. I do not understand the concepts of queer, cis/trans-gendered/identified, zir, ze, etc. I am not stupid but I am not interested. I feel that these concepts, even if in rebellion against, are still responses to a culture in which gender politics are framed in the context of heteronormative relationships, and that... just doesn’t interest me. As a woman, as a lover, as a political being: I’m not concerned. Not because I don’t think it matters—it matters immensely—but because there is no rewarding and truthful way at the end to label something as intimate and experiential as sexuality, and gender.
2. If pressed, I suppose I am bisexual, though that doesn’t take into account the different ways in which I am attracted to anyone: men turn me on more than women, for example, and more of my sexual fantasies involve them, but I have always enjoyed sex with women more and am incredibly attracted to the female body from an aesthetic perspective. I have a large collection of softcore porn on my computer that I enjoy as I enjoy and think about art. How can the word "bisexual" explain all of this?
3. I don’t orgasm through PinV sex, but I enjoy it. I like the warmth and the closeness and the sensation of having something inside of me.
4. I love performing oral sex on either gender. I consider myself to be, and have been told that I am, very skilled, and am not only turned on by doing it but also feel proud in the same way I feel when I bake a good batch of cookies or write a draft of a promising poem. I also enjoy receiving it sometimes, but I have to trust my partner very, very much.
5. My sexual experience has been overwhelmingly heterosexual—ten male partners and three female. Would I like to have more experience with women? Yes. Am I going crazy because I’m not currently expressing that side of my sexuality? No, not really.
6. My best friend is a lesbian who believes that I am gay and have not figured it out yet, and because I dress somewhat androgynously—in a dapper, scholarly way—I am often "mistaken" for a lesbian. This does not bother me. When my friend and I are out together, people assume that we are a couple, and something about this pleases me, though not in a sexually arousing way.
7. My most sexually rewarding relationship was with a man I dated for almost two years, and lived with for under a year. He was assertive and, though not particularly kinky, knew what he wanted. Outside of the bedroom, we were rather unhappy and fought often. Now...
8. ...I am in a monogamous relationship with a man sixteen years my senior. Emotionally and intellectually, we are a perfect match. As a potential partner in life and child-raising, I can imagine no one better suited. But we rarely have sex, and when we do it is a stiffly-performed perfunctory act. At the same time, there is a great deal of unsatisfied sexual chemistry between us, a definite electricity, that even after three years together we have not yet figured out how to access. This frustrates me, but I am also hopeful that we will at some point break through.
9. Some of this is because we are both very timid in bed. It has taken me a very long time not to feel disturbed by and ashamed of my own sexual fantasies. I still have a hard time placing myself in my own sexual fantasies as an object of desire, and always feel ashamed and presumptuous even in my sexual imagination. This is frustrating and also somewhat absurd because I am regarded as an attractive young woman.
10. I love older men. I don’t mean that like some twenty-something women say that and mean men in their mid-thirties; I mean, I like men in their fifties and sixties, and not necessarily men who look "good for their age". Some of them aren’t even good-looking men, period. One of my biggest crushes right now is a doctor where I work. He is in his fifties, has white hair, and is short and thin. I cannot imagine his body being anything but white and slackly frail, and he has this little pinched, stiff-featured face. He does not have a pleasant personality, from what I’ve seen. Yet it’s exactly all of this—his age, his homeliness, and the fact that he is an Affluent White Guy—that turns me on.
11. One of my favorite sexual fantasies involves being watched, secretly, by an older man, such as the one described above. In the fantasy, I know that he is watching me masturbate and is aroused, but he does not know that I know. An extension of that involves me going down on the wife of such a man, having been seduced by her, while he secretly or openly watches.
12. A vast majority of my sexual experience has consisted of one-night stands or short-term "fuck-buddy" relationships. I find these to be very satisfying, and would prefer to be able to still have them. At the same time, I am too possessive of my partner to allow him the same, and I do not wish to cheat.
13. I am also interested in the idea of a polygamous relationship. Not an open one, but a relationship involving myself and two others, of any gender combination, who love one another as well as me, and whom I both love.
14. I have never done anything particularly kinky, but almost always end up having very, very rough sex. I just can’t keep it slow and easy.
15. Attractive male celebrities: Donald Sutherland, Christoph Waltz, Michael Fassbender, David Lynch. Attractive female celebrities: Cate Blanchett, Anjelica Huston, Myrna Loy, Debbie Harry.
16. There’s clearly a very D/s theme to my fantasies, but I’m not interested in many of the things like restraint, blindfolding, etc. I AM into being spanked, and have always enjoyed it.
17. The first boy I kissed was my cousin. I also touched his penis. I didn’t want to do any of those things, but did not resist. Now I resent him, even though we were both the same age (early adolescence), and he never coerced me. Later, in high school, a friend (or a boy who, until that day, was a friend) tried to rape me. We had been in my bedroom, just hanging out, which we’d done many times before. I shoved him off of me and out of my room. It has taken me a long time to accept that no, it was not my fault, just because I’d allowed him into my room.
18. I resent the fact that some may view my sexual fantasies as being disempowering, or "not feminist." Accepting one’s sexual imagination is one of the most significant acts of self-empowerment that an individual can perform, whether or not one is overtly a figure of power in those fantasies. I think it’s bizarre and exclusionary to label some fantasies as being "more" or "less" politically correct than others. I also think that such an attitude fails to acknowledge the intricacies of power exchange in relationships in which one partner is only apparently dominant, and the other only apparently submissive.
19. Penises are beautiful. I especially love erections concealed by and/or felt through cloth. That’s one of the sexiest things I can think of.
20. Sometimes when I masturbate my most powerful orgasms occur when I am not thinking about sex but an idea/concept/art, intense weather, or listening carefully to good music. I have to even "remind" myself to think sexual thoughts. I also masturbate to keep warm at night, because my room gets very cold. For me, it is a functional act that helps me to relax and to clear my head, and is not always sexual. But I revel in it most (even if I do not have a great orgasm) when I am thinking dirty thoughts, and thinking of my body as a sexual being and/or object.
21. I am much more uncomfortable talking about my sexuality with others than I expected, but I think it’s good for me.
22. I was an obese teenager, peaking at 240 lbs at 5’6" in the tenth grade. I wore a U.S. size 18/20. I have since then lost most of that weight, currently 160 and size 8, but my breasts, which are still quite large, will always sag, and my lower stomach will always hang low. I have only in the last year or so come to recognize that despite that my body is OK.
23. I’d like to be photographed in the nude. Not because I’d want anyone to see the pictures or to have them, but because I’d just like to see what I look like through an eye that is not constantly self-critical, neurotic, and self-loathing. I have a secret suspicion that I am actually quite sexy in the nude but have no "proof".
24. I like looking, and I like being looked at. My current partner closes his eyes during sex, and I wish he wouldn’t. He is also very quiet, even when he is enjoying himself very much, and this bothers me as well. I am actually quite loud. When I first began having sex I was astonished by the fact that I actually sounded, quite instinctively, like women I’d seen in pornography.
25. The most powerful erotic dream I’ve ever had was about Groucho Marx. I also have a great many sexual dreams about Alfred Molina—at least, a great many in proportion to how often I think about him in day-to-day life, which is... not ever, unless I’m actively watching him in a movie and thinking to myself, "why do I have so many dirty dreams about this dude?"
Monday, January 7, 2013
1. I am a 50-year old heterosexual male.
2. I was VERY socially awkward when I was young, and this included my relationships with women. Or, to put it another way, I was a real jerk.
3. Fortunately for me, I was a very athletic, good-looking young man, and many young women were attracted to me. So I had many opportunities to learn not to be such a jerk.
4. I have had sex of some sort (that is, some deliberate, consensual, erotic contact with the genitals) with 33 women. Yes, I have a list.
5. I had oral sex with almost all of those women, and full intercourse with about half of them. Only one of the was a one-night stand.
6. 30 of those women were in a period of 8 years, when I was between 20 and 30 years old. 10 of them were in the year before I met number 31.
7. One of them was 10 years older than me. One of them was six years younger than me.
8. I "lost my virginity" with number 3. I was 22 years old at the time.
9. Only one of my sexual relationships lasted more than a few months.
10. I have been living (unmarried) with number 31 for over 20 years now. Our sex life was very satisfactory for about 12 years, but there has been a lot of frustration for me over the past 8 years. Untill recently, we still had sex about once a week, and it was nice, but became rather routine.
11. We are both in very good health and very fit. She is still very attractive to me. But, for the past year, I have had difficulty getting and maintaining erections in sex with her. Viagra does not help much. I have begun to wonder if I have become too accustomed to her and wonder if I would react differently with a different woman.
12. Number 32 was in a foursome with number 31 and another couple. That was a very long time ago. We haven't done anything like that for over 15 years now.
13. We had several encounters with that couple. There was never any PIV sex across couples, but we touched and licked each other's partners, including my lover sucking the other man while I fucked her.
14. I found I enjoyed sex with the other woman... but was very uncomfortable kissing her (she asked me to).
15. Number 33 was the only time I ever cheated on number 31. It was a threesome with a couple while on business trip away from home. There was no male-male sex involved, just the two of us men giving her many orgasms. I did not fuck the woman or go down on her or kiss her... but I did finger her to several orgasms. She sucked me while being fucked by her husband, and took pride in swallowing my semen. It was fun, and I do not regret it.
16. That threesome was my only "one-night stand." Every other person I had sex with was someone that I had met at least once before or saw at least once after.
17. I am not homophobic. I have nothing against gays and some male-on-male porn very erotic. But the thought of kissing a man kind of grosses me out.
18. My favorite fantasy is a threesome with my partner and another man. I would love to go down on both of them while they fuck. She shows no real interest in this scenario, but I have not given up hope that we may actually do this some day.
19. Receiving oral sex is nice, but I would usually rather fuck. On the other hand, I love going down on a woman.
20. I'd like to try sucking a cock.
21. I have tried (giving) anal and don't much care for it. But I do like to lick my lover's anus (when it is freshly washed!).
22. I love nude beaches. Contrary to the "official nudist" philosophy, going to a nude beach is definitely a sexual experience for me. I love looking at all the naked bodies... mostly the women, but I can admire an exceptional male body too.
23. Fortunately for me, my lover of the past 20 years loves nude beaches too.
24. I spend many hours every week reading and watching porn of all sorts. I don't like most professional porn, but the quality of most amateur videos is terrible so I prefer amateur pictures and written porn.
25. I worry about the amount of time I spend browsing porn
2. I was VERY socially awkward when I was young, and this included my relationships with women. Or, to put it another way, I was a real jerk.
3. Fortunately for me, I was a very athletic, good-looking young man, and many young women were attracted to me. So I had many opportunities to learn not to be such a jerk.
4. I have had sex of some sort (that is, some deliberate, consensual, erotic contact with the genitals) with 33 women. Yes, I have a list.
5. I had oral sex with almost all of those women, and full intercourse with about half of them. Only one of the was a one-night stand.
6. 30 of those women were in a period of 8 years, when I was between 20 and 30 years old. 10 of them were in the year before I met number 31.
7. One of them was 10 years older than me. One of them was six years younger than me.
8. I "lost my virginity" with number 3. I was 22 years old at the time.
9. Only one of my sexual relationships lasted more than a few months.
10. I have been living (unmarried) with number 31 for over 20 years now. Our sex life was very satisfactory for about 12 years, but there has been a lot of frustration for me over the past 8 years. Untill recently, we still had sex about once a week, and it was nice, but became rather routine.
11. We are both in very good health and very fit. She is still very attractive to me. But, for the past year, I have had difficulty getting and maintaining erections in sex with her. Viagra does not help much. I have begun to wonder if I have become too accustomed to her and wonder if I would react differently with a different woman.
12. Number 32 was in a foursome with number 31 and another couple. That was a very long time ago. We haven't done anything like that for over 15 years now.
13. We had several encounters with that couple. There was never any PIV sex across couples, but we touched and licked each other's partners, including my lover sucking the other man while I fucked her.
14. I found I enjoyed sex with the other woman... but was very uncomfortable kissing her (she asked me to).
15. Number 33 was the only time I ever cheated on number 31. It was a threesome with a couple while on business trip away from home. There was no male-male sex involved, just the two of us men giving her many orgasms. I did not fuck the woman or go down on her or kiss her... but I did finger her to several orgasms. She sucked me while being fucked by her husband, and took pride in swallowing my semen. It was fun, and I do not regret it.
16. That threesome was my only "one-night stand." Every other person I had sex with was someone that I had met at least once before or saw at least once after.
17. I am not homophobic. I have nothing against gays and some male-on-male porn very erotic. But the thought of kissing a man kind of grosses me out.
18. My favorite fantasy is a threesome with my partner and another man. I would love to go down on both of them while they fuck. She shows no real interest in this scenario, but I have not given up hope that we may actually do this some day.
19. Receiving oral sex is nice, but I would usually rather fuck. On the other hand, I love going down on a woman.
20. I'd like to try sucking a cock.
21. I have tried (giving) anal and don't much care for it. But I do like to lick my lover's anus (when it is freshly washed!).
22. I love nude beaches. Contrary to the "official nudist" philosophy, going to a nude beach is definitely a sexual experience for me. I love looking at all the naked bodies... mostly the women, but I can admire an exceptional male body too.
23. Fortunately for me, my lover of the past 20 years loves nude beaches too.
24. I spend many hours every week reading and watching porn of all sorts. I don't like most professional porn, but the quality of most amateur videos is terrible so I prefer amateur pictures and written porn.
25. I worry about the amount of time I spend browsing porn
Saturday, January 5, 2013
1. I am a 21 year old, cisgendered, bisexual female from Texas. Only a few people know about the bisexual part.
2. I am married, and have been for over a year now. This has vastly diminished how much sex I have. I'm not pleased by this.
3. I got pregnant when I was 18 and had twin boys. This has also vastly diminished how much sex I have. I'm not pleased by this.
4. I love to fuck. Given the option, I'd rather be having sex. If it were legal and if there were fewer risks involved, being a sex worker sounds highly appealing, simply because I could get paid doing something I enjoy.
5. I was raised Catholic, to be pure and wait to have sex until marriage. I was shamed for wanting birth control, even after having children. As a married woman, I am still shamed somewhat by my parents if I even remotely refer to using birth control. I was also raised that homosexuality was deviant and evil. I was taught that masturbation was bad and sinful. I was taught that in order to preserve other people's purity, I should always dress modestly.
6. I was around eleven when I started masturbating. I've never felt ashamed of it, even though I was taught that I should be. My parents installed a hand-held shower head when I was 10 and I discovered that it was instrumental in making me feel very VERY good. My first sexual thoughts that I can remember were about several characters from "The Lord of the Rings."
7. Up until last year, I thought I was a virgin until I met my husband. I now know that I lost my virginity to a 18-year-old girl when I was 14. It was extremely pleasant.
8. I have identified as bisexual since I was 15.
9. My first PIV sex was with the man who is now my husband when I was 18. I was his first in all respects. After three years, he has gotten remarkably good in bed. The first time we had sex, a robot fell on my head. It was NOT good for me. It was great for him. Mostly I just find it hilarious.
10. I have been the first kiss of at least 5 different males. I am indifferent about this. Most first kisses are only magical because you don't know they get better.
11. The first time I saw a naked man, it was because I came over to his house and he answered the door naked. I was 17 and I was NOT pleased. He got dressed quickly and then I came inside and we watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
12. After having children, I am now an avid supporter of feminism, sex-positivity and birth control. My parents hate this, but mostly we try not to discuss it.
13. My favorite thing to do during high school was entice as many guys as possible. I loved how they looked at me and loved being kissed and touched and wanted.
14. With this in mind, I love being in control and being controlled. It just depends on the day.
15. I had sex 8 times in one day. It was enjoyable. I think I came 6 out of 8 times.
16. I've never used a vibrator or a dildo. I assume I'd enjoy it, but I'm pretty broke most days, so I haven't been able to really think about purchasing anything in specific.
17. Getting pregnant at 18 and then married 2 years later meant that I didn't get to get a lot of my crazy out. My husband gets this and I appreciate it. It just is very very hard sometimes. I've only ever had sex with one man. I would really like to see what it is like with a multitude of other people. I have no idea if I will or not. It is just very frustrating being 21 and horny all the time.
18. I love getting oral sex. I've received from three people and the women definitely outshine the man. My husband isn't a big fan, so it rarely happens, which is also quite frustrating. I also enjoy giving. I love hearing and feeling the tension and release, the ebbs and flows.
19. I'm not a fan of porn. I don't hate it (and I have some huge issues with the industry), but for the most part, it doesn't turn me on. True queer porn can turn me on, on occasion. I love the sounds but rarely like what I see. I prefer erotic literature, and there is some fantastic stuff! However, I have to delete my history constantly, because apparently I like to read really, really bad stuff. It is embarrassing. This is one of the few parts of my sexuality that I have issues accepting.
20. I am very afraid of being outed as being bisexual to my mother. Terrified.
21. I was raped when I was 20. My therapist at the time told me that he must have been provoked by my immodesty and his frustration with his life. I haven't gone back to see her in a while and I have only just begun to make his life hell.
22. I miss having sex with girls.
23. I've had to be quiet while having sex my entire sexual life. I HATE it. The few times I haven't had to be, I love groans and screams. I want to hear my partner's sounds as well. It gets me off so well.
24. I've never been in a threesome. I'd love to try it sometime. It sounds awesome.
25. I am not even slightly interested in anal sex. Fortunately, neither is anyone else I've ever slept with.
2. I am married, and have been for over a year now. This has vastly diminished how much sex I have. I'm not pleased by this.
3. I got pregnant when I was 18 and had twin boys. This has also vastly diminished how much sex I have. I'm not pleased by this.
4. I love to fuck. Given the option, I'd rather be having sex. If it were legal and if there were fewer risks involved, being a sex worker sounds highly appealing, simply because I could get paid doing something I enjoy.
5. I was raised Catholic, to be pure and wait to have sex until marriage. I was shamed for wanting birth control, even after having children. As a married woman, I am still shamed somewhat by my parents if I even remotely refer to using birth control. I was also raised that homosexuality was deviant and evil. I was taught that masturbation was bad and sinful. I was taught that in order to preserve other people's purity, I should always dress modestly.
6. I was around eleven when I started masturbating. I've never felt ashamed of it, even though I was taught that I should be. My parents installed a hand-held shower head when I was 10 and I discovered that it was instrumental in making me feel very VERY good. My first sexual thoughts that I can remember were about several characters from "The Lord of the Rings."
7. Up until last year, I thought I was a virgin until I met my husband. I now know that I lost my virginity to a 18-year-old girl when I was 14. It was extremely pleasant.
8. I have identified as bisexual since I was 15.
9. My first PIV sex was with the man who is now my husband when I was 18. I was his first in all respects. After three years, he has gotten remarkably good in bed. The first time we had sex, a robot fell on my head. It was NOT good for me. It was great for him. Mostly I just find it hilarious.
10. I have been the first kiss of at least 5 different males. I am indifferent about this. Most first kisses are only magical because you don't know they get better.
11. The first time I saw a naked man, it was because I came over to his house and he answered the door naked. I was 17 and I was NOT pleased. He got dressed quickly and then I came inside and we watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
12. After having children, I am now an avid supporter of feminism, sex-positivity and birth control. My parents hate this, but mostly we try not to discuss it.
13. My favorite thing to do during high school was entice as many guys as possible. I loved how they looked at me and loved being kissed and touched and wanted.
14. With this in mind, I love being in control and being controlled. It just depends on the day.
15. I had sex 8 times in one day. It was enjoyable. I think I came 6 out of 8 times.
16. I've never used a vibrator or a dildo. I assume I'd enjoy it, but I'm pretty broke most days, so I haven't been able to really think about purchasing anything in specific.
17. Getting pregnant at 18 and then married 2 years later meant that I didn't get to get a lot of my crazy out. My husband gets this and I appreciate it. It just is very very hard sometimes. I've only ever had sex with one man. I would really like to see what it is like with a multitude of other people. I have no idea if I will or not. It is just very frustrating being 21 and horny all the time.
18. I love getting oral sex. I've received from three people and the women definitely outshine the man. My husband isn't a big fan, so it rarely happens, which is also quite frustrating. I also enjoy giving. I love hearing and feeling the tension and release, the ebbs and flows.
19. I'm not a fan of porn. I don't hate it (and I have some huge issues with the industry), but for the most part, it doesn't turn me on. True queer porn can turn me on, on occasion. I love the sounds but rarely like what I see. I prefer erotic literature, and there is some fantastic stuff! However, I have to delete my history constantly, because apparently I like to read really, really bad stuff. It is embarrassing. This is one of the few parts of my sexuality that I have issues accepting.
20. I am very afraid of being outed as being bisexual to my mother. Terrified.
21. I was raped when I was 20. My therapist at the time told me that he must have been provoked by my immodesty and his frustration with his life. I haven't gone back to see her in a while and I have only just begun to make his life hell.
22. I miss having sex with girls.
23. I've had to be quiet while having sex my entire sexual life. I HATE it. The few times I haven't had to be, I love groans and screams. I want to hear my partner's sounds as well. It gets me off so well.
24. I've never been in a threesome. I'd love to try it sometime. It sounds awesome.
25. I am not even slightly interested in anal sex. Fortunately, neither is anyone else I've ever slept with.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
1.) I’m a straight white cis-male in his mid-thirties, and my sex life is basically just a series of contradictions.
2.) I’m 6’4” and around 200 pounds. I like the sound of that, but in reality I’m fairly lanky. I’ve always had a lot of self image issues that have really done a number on my sex life. It’s really hard for me to escape the definition of being an ugly guy. I look at myself in the mirror and I don’t see how I’m ugly, but somehow I accepted that’s how other people see me. They just see me as being a taller version of Bill Gates despite the fact that I have really good hygiene and I keep my hair short (just like it that way).
3.) I don’t think most guys have a good grasp on their sexuality. The sheer social programming alone forces most guys into a default role. There are no bonus points for guys who experiment. If you’re not completely straight or gay then you have to be really careful about what you say to a girl. Even if most girls won’t admit this; they see any homosexuality as a weakness in their mate, and it messes with their submissive headspace. I don’t blame them because they don’t consciously do this. It’s not that they don’t want their heart/bodies to be as open as their mind. In a lot of ways I think I’ve just become frustrated with it. Lets just say I have a tremendous amount of respect and admiration for girls who truly reject gender roles and are open to sexual parters who don’t fit the stereotypical roles.
4.) I identify with being a switch, but in reality it's easier for me to be dominant. Not just easier because I’m used to being in control, but it's easier because the girls tend to be submissive. I really want a girl to take control in the bedroom just once to see what it feels like. To have them set aside all insecurity and just hump the fuck out of my face. I would be so much better at pleasing a girl if they were as open and assertive as I am when it comes to sex. Although it is getting better as I date older girls who have a more developed sexuality, and aren't nearly as submissive.
5.) Every girl I’ve had any sexual contact with her either been raped or sexually molested, and it's always been hard for me to process it. I’ve promised to treat them as being pure, and not as a victim. At one point I really felt like my fate was to eventually kill one of the bastards that did that to them. I know that it's often cyclical, and it points to a bigger social problem. These days I’m just a huge advocate for sex education, and in trying to identify problems early on. What if people learned what sex really was? Where they didn’t learn it from porn?
6.) I don’t know exactly when I started to masturbate. I’m sure I started out like most boys where it just felt good to hump the bed a little while laying on my stomach. It just slowly started to progress more and more till I had my hands wrapped around my penis and pulling sheets under it.
7.) I’m kinda embarrassed to admit the fact that I didn’t really correctly masturbate until high school. I’m not sure when I eventually figured out you were supposed to be on your back with your hand around your cock.
8.) I never put my finger in my ass while masturbating. It’s pretty fucked up because I like it when a girl does it. For some reason I’m obsessed with the idea of saving it.
9.) When it really comes down to it, I’m a hedonist more than simply being a sexual person. I like indulgences, and I fail to see why sex shouldn’t play a central role.
10.) I’ve been single for my entire life, and the closest I got to a relationship was a long-distance thing that lasted for way longer than it should have. I think she would agree with that, but at the same time I think we’re both grateful that it happened. I see it as something that had a profound effect on me. Just the idea that it could happen, and I wasn’t a completely broken person.
11.) I’m obsessed with the idea of a regular sex partner. Just someone who comes over once a week, and we play around. I see it as the ultimate form of a crutch. Just some way to make it by, even though I know relationship-wise my entire life is a train wreck. I don’t even care if I have to pay for it as long as I’m not completely paying for it. I want the money to be just a bridge between my age and her age (probably much younger), and our looks. I don’t want some escort, or some prostitute, but just some college girl who likes sex and likes money. I put the value on this at $1000-$1500 a month. It’s kinda fucked up that it turns me on, but I know it's a terrible idea. Any time you mix sex and money, everything gets so manipulative. In so many ways its just self-inflicted pain, and I’m not even a masochist. I’ve gone to a web site, but I just can’t bring myself to fill out a profile. In a lot of ways it would be like giving up.
12.) Related to Number 11 is the fact that I’m greatly turned on by the idea of reluctance. The idea that a girl sorta likes someone, but needs something extra to push her. Like having a girl over and she knows $1000 is sitting on the dresser. Will she take it in the morning or will she leave it? How will she feel about herself if she takes it? I have the control if she takes it, but if she leaves it then she strips me of all control. She takes my crutch away and leaves me in unfamiliar territory. I want this fantasy to go away, but I can’t deny how hard it makes me.
13.) I like the idea of sex probably more than sex itself. I hate the idea of sex as being some expectation. I’d rather tie a girl up and leave her open and wanting than simply giving into the expectation that I’m just going to fuck her like last week or the week before.
14.) Years ago I kept a strap-on under my bed hoping to find a girl that would try it on me. At some point I gave up on a girl ever doing it right so I threw it away. The lasting memory from it was a girl laughing way too much when she had it on to do anything.
15.) Sometimes I think I have an unhealthy obsession with the idea of a girl. That I’ve romanticized girls way too much, and given them way too much power. After all, people are people regardless of the gender, but there is just something so alluring to a girl.
16.) When I was younger I wanted to be tied up and stripped by a bunch of girls. I still do, even though I know it would never translate to real life. Just being a boy toy that a girl could abuse turns me on greatly. Bonus points if they make me suck a cock in front of them. Just showing them that weakness, and being forced to deal with the shame I felt. Even though I know there is absolutely nothing shameful about sucking a cock. It’s just sex, and at some point I’d probably laugh about it.
17.) I envy how girls can be objectified. I know this is a terrible thing, and it’s undeniable how much harm it does to girls. But, at the same time it’s just so powerful. The idea that someone wants to see you naked. As a guy unless you’re an Adonis you’re basically just comedic relief. Most CFNM porn should be renamed as extremely funny comedy. I’m sure if I watched it with a girl she’d be laughing hysterically.
18.) I’m obsessed with my own cock. I love the shape, the size and the look of it. I love how angry it gets sometimes. Once a girl even had the gall to say that it was tragic that it didn’t get out and play more--that it was stuck on some engineer's body who had terrible people skills. Sometimes it does let me down. The angry full-blown baseball bat imitation doesn’t happen all the time. I’m sure it's some chemical thing that only peaks for a few days a month, or if there is a particular girl that is making me really horny.
19.) I’m obsessed with blow jobs, and I’ll never be with a girl who doesn’t take it into her mouth. I also love giving oral, so I don’t see any issue with this.
20.) I’m a monogamous person at heart, but I’ve completely rejected monogamy in my own life. I want the people in the relationship to define what the relationship is, and not just some construct, some idealistic bullshit we're supposed to match up to. I’ll never leave a girl if she is sick, or has cancer, or anything else. I’m the most dedicated guy a girl will ever find, but that doesn’t mean I’ll be monogamous sex-wise. I think it really just comes down to being honest with each other. Honest about our needs and our intentions. You’re supposed to love the person for who they are.
21.) I never see the doctor unless there is something wrong with my cock. I had a hernia once, and so I went to see the doctor because it made my cock look bad. I secretly wonder if my rather intense masturbation didn’t help cause it. The easiest way to get me to see the doctor is to deny me sex. Yes, I know this is silly, but doctors scare the crap out of me.
22.) I love girls that see themselves as a slut or embrace their own sexuality (which is the same thing), and they don’t feel ashamed of it. For whatever reason, I see the MFM threesome as being the graduation point into sluthood. Yes, even I can admit that might be silly, but I like it. It’s that act because of the intimacy and the double penetration. Bonus points if the guys are friends and they shared her despite the competitive nature the two friends have.
23.) I have a thing for girls in the 18-22 range. Some will say it's abusive, and some will say I’m stuck in my past. But it's just such a beautiful thing to see a girl discover something. It’s like teaching someone how to drive. To teach them the beauty of accepting pleasure. If I’m ever with a young girl again, I’m going to do a brilliant job teaching them. Or maybe I’ll just give it up because it’s impossible, or I’m better suited to girls in the 25-35 range.
24.) I don’t personally use sex toys on myself, but I’m in the process of designing sex toys for use in orgasm recording and denial (EKG type stuff). I’m fascinated by the idea of knowing someone is being pleasured by the the brain waves they give off.
25.) I don’t drink or do drugs. I’m not against those things, but they just don’t do anything for me. I do kinda wonder, though, how much it's cost me in terms of sexual exploration.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
1) I am a 19 year old cis-female. I generally think of myself as feminine, but I love men's fashion and occasionally like to cross-dress without changing my feminine hairstyle; button up shirts are almost all I own.
2) I identify as asexual. It took me a long time to realize that aesthetic attraction and sexual attraction are not the same. While I identify as ace, I do maintain a romantic orientation as homoromantic, but recently I've been questioning the validity of that; Sometimes I feel like I could give guys a chance, but perhaps it's just that I like the idea of being with a man more than actually being with one.
3) I am a virgin. I've never been kissed. I've never been in a relationship. It's not that I completely lack self-esteem, but rather I don't really understand the dynamics involved with "dating" or "being in a relationship". I can't seem to relate to other people because of that, and it's possibly because the concepts of love and sex are so heavily intertwined in their representation within society and because I picture them as separate I have to ultimately reevaluate my understanding to fit in, and this just hasn't been working.
4) I wish I had a girlfriend, but I'm not out and I don't know when I'll be more open about who I am. It's not because I'm ashamed, it's because I just can't handle the awkwardness associated with people knowing such personal information about me. Why is it anyone else's business? The question is not usually brought up anyway, as I appear and identify as female so I can easily pass through society; I can easily be invisible. But this has caused me to be more lonely than I would like.
5) I am not against sex. I am a very sex-positive person: it's a large part of society and people do it and so it needs to be and should be discussed. However, when I picture myself having sex I feel disgusted. I am repulsed at the thought of me having sex with a man, but I feel as though I might be able to tolerate it if it's with a woman; if I really loved her, I would accommodate her needs as best as I am able. I'm just not sure I would be able to receive pleasure from her. The thought makes me extremely apprehensive.
6) I have frequent periods in which I feel like sex is just whatever and I don't care about it. Which for the most part is all the time. However, this feeling is more like my body is disposable and others may use it freely, as opposed to not caring about sex and equally not wanting it. It's like I feel a separation from myself, my opinions, my interests and everything else that makes me who I am, and can just detach myself from my repulsion of sex for a brief period in order to pleasure someone else. Sometimes it scares me how unemotional and unfeeling I am about myself in this regard.
7) I do get turned on. I do masturbate (and I do it quite frequently). I do it when I'm stressed, or when I feel upset, or when I'm lonely; asexuality is a large spectrum and there is so much diversity that the only formal definition agreed upon in the community is lack of sexual attraction. Some aces do masturbate, some don't. Some have a lot of sex, others are virgins.
8) I get so nervous when talking to pretty girls. I just can't function properly, and I don't know why. I feel like maybe I come off as a try-hard when this happens, but I just can't tell. If I like a girl, I typically try to avoid her as much as I can. Right now, my current interest is someone who I used to not be interested in (I don't really become interested in friends, but rather acquaintances who I idealize), but lately as I've gotten to know her she has shown to be an incredibly intelligent, absolutely beautiful and highly interesting young woman. And as a friend, I can't really avoid her, so I am slowly learning how to be less awkward in my mannerisms around girls.
9) Before I discovered what asexuality was, I used to feel like something was wrong with me. Growing up Catholic, you are taught that sex is a natural thing in a heterosexual marriage and that it's the epitome of love within the confines of that marriage. I don't want sex and I don't want to get married, and this is essentially denying the factor that makes you human in the eyes of God. I felt subhuman, less than, inferior. I hated myself. Sometimes I still feel guilty.
10) Growing up as a female, I've encountered sexism from a young age. I felt caged and pressured to conform when I would have to dress up to attend formal balls and banquets; my appearance was put on the utmost pedestal, all because men view women as child-bearing trophies. I hated it: I hated the atmosphere of snobby girls silently judging me, I hated the slow dancing and the gross breath of my date whispering in my ear as he tried to put his hands a little too low for comfort, and I hated the shitty food that was served, too. I withdrew into myself and kept quiet for a long time thereafter, because I felt like my opinions and thoughts were being trampled on, and I wasn't being heard.
11) Sometimes I wake up in the morning and just have this undeniable urge to call up a girl on my contacts, invite her over, and have sex with her. I want to fuck her brains out. I can't help it: there are days (it's sporadic) where I wake up unbelievably horny, and taking care of it myself is so tiresome because I have to go at it for a very long time. I have to orgasm at least 3 times in order to satisfy the urge, and it'd just be easier if I let out my pent-up sexual frustration on a girl in a way that's most pleasurable and exciting to her.
12) I have watched porn before, but I don't really enjoy it. I have a love-hate relationship with it: Mentally, it does absolutely nothing for me, I don't find it pleasing to watch. I find it repulsive, grotesque and inherently misogynist, but after I watch it, my body responds to it in the completely opposite way and I notice that I become extremely wet after watching it. It's like there's this disconnect with my body and my brain, and I don't understand why that happens. I feel so guilty about it, and I hate not being able to have control over how my body reacts to certain things.
13) I think I have a fear of relationships, but I would really like to experience one soon. I just want someone to be there. No talking, no sex, nothing. I want someone to just enjoy the silence with me and cuddle with me in the park or on our bed. Not even sleeping, just a comfortable silence. Unfortunately, I don't think my chances of finding a girl like that are very high.
14) I am deathly afraid that I will never be touched the way I would like to be.
15) I get bored easily with crushes, because I assume (from past experiences) that they will never happen. I'm scared that with my first girlfriend, I'll become bored of her quickly, and that's not fair to her. She doesn't deserve that.
16) I am platonically attracted to guys. I wish I could have a really close guy friend without him wanting (or expecting) something more, but so far that hasn't been the case. I would also really enjoy hugging and hand-holding with guys, but nothing more. No kissing, no caressing, nothing. This is where the confusion sets in about my romantic orientation. I really, really enjoy the comfort and feeling I get when I hug guys and when I can smell the lavender scent of detergent in their clothes. I wish I could just be in their arms forever, sometimes.
17) I feel scared when I get close to girls. I always feel like there's some kind of tension, and I can't really place my finger on what. It's not a sexual tension, because I'm not sexually attracted to them. I just don't know what it is.
18) If a close female friend ever started to get overly touchy, start breathing on my neck, touch my thigh, I would get turned on. My body is so sensitive and so receptive to touch that I could probably orgasm from just that. The underside of my wrists are the most sensitive part of my body: I will get an orgasm just from light traces along my wrist, dragged up my forearm.
19) I am overly sweet on my female friends, and I bend over backwards just to help them out even if it inconveniences me. I don't expect anything in return, I just feel powerless sometimes when it comes to girls; I don't ever want them to feel the way I do - that their concerns aren't important enough or that my thoughts don't matter. But this makes me feel weak-willed and I feel like I end up being used and it's my own fault. But I just can't help it.
20) After I masturbate at night, I feel incredibly lonely and I often wish that I had a girl to cuddle with in the dark. I wish we could lay there facing each other, and my eyes would adjust to the darkness and the first thing I'd be able to see is the outline of her face and then the curve of her lips.
21) With most friends, I maintain a disinterested view on sex. If a sexual topic comes up, I stay silent or say "eww." I just don't feel comfortable talking about it; years of conservative upbringing and sexism have taught me that sex is a not a subject that should be discussed in public, or discussed from a women's viewpoint, much less. However, with closer friends that I happen to be out to, sex brings up very interesting debates that I find myself to really enjoy; my thoughts on sex just don't seem to match what I show to other people, and I'm trying to fix that in order to be more comfortable with talking about it to friends that I am not out to.
22) When I was young, about 6 or 7, I believe I was sexually assaulted by a doctor. The memory is really fuzzy, but I do remember being at the doctor's office, my mom sitting in the chair, and the male doctor examining my private area for about 10 seconds. There was no penetration. I'm not really sure what kind of illness would warrant that kind of conduct, and I remember the door was left open and the nurse was in there and she turned the computer screen towards me. I honestly can't really remember a whole lot about the incident. A few days later I do remember riding in the front seat of the car and hearing on the radio about a doctor who was arrested because he sexually assaulted a ton of children and had child pornography on his computer and my mom then changed the radio station. I've never talked to her about it because it's too faint of a memory to recall. I feel like it may be a repressed memory or something. I will probably not talk about it to anyone.
23) While I sometimes identify as lesbian, I don't feel accepted or wanted by the LGBT community because I'm ace; it's a heavily sexualized community and I don't feel like I fit in anywhere within it. I don't feel welcome.
24) I feel like if I ever were to have sex, I'd be a good lover. I feel like I take direction very well and be attentive to her needs in order to make her experience as good as possible.
25) If I were to choose between sex or cake I would most likely choose cake every time.
2) I identify as asexual. It took me a long time to realize that aesthetic attraction and sexual attraction are not the same. While I identify as ace, I do maintain a romantic orientation as homoromantic, but recently I've been questioning the validity of that; Sometimes I feel like I could give guys a chance, but perhaps it's just that I like the idea of being with a man more than actually being with one.
3) I am a virgin. I've never been kissed. I've never been in a relationship. It's not that I completely lack self-esteem, but rather I don't really understand the dynamics involved with "dating" or "being in a relationship". I can't seem to relate to other people because of that, and it's possibly because the concepts of love and sex are so heavily intertwined in their representation within society and because I picture them as separate I have to ultimately reevaluate my understanding to fit in, and this just hasn't been working.
4) I wish I had a girlfriend, but I'm not out and I don't know when I'll be more open about who I am. It's not because I'm ashamed, it's because I just can't handle the awkwardness associated with people knowing such personal information about me. Why is it anyone else's business? The question is not usually brought up anyway, as I appear and identify as female so I can easily pass through society; I can easily be invisible. But this has caused me to be more lonely than I would like.
5) I am not against sex. I am a very sex-positive person: it's a large part of society and people do it and so it needs to be and should be discussed. However, when I picture myself having sex I feel disgusted. I am repulsed at the thought of me having sex with a man, but I feel as though I might be able to tolerate it if it's with a woman; if I really loved her, I would accommodate her needs as best as I am able. I'm just not sure I would be able to receive pleasure from her. The thought makes me extremely apprehensive.
6) I have frequent periods in which I feel like sex is just whatever and I don't care about it. Which for the most part is all the time. However, this feeling is more like my body is disposable and others may use it freely, as opposed to not caring about sex and equally not wanting it. It's like I feel a separation from myself, my opinions, my interests and everything else that makes me who I am, and can just detach myself from my repulsion of sex for a brief period in order to pleasure someone else. Sometimes it scares me how unemotional and unfeeling I am about myself in this regard.
7) I do get turned on. I do masturbate (and I do it quite frequently). I do it when I'm stressed, or when I feel upset, or when I'm lonely; asexuality is a large spectrum and there is so much diversity that the only formal definition agreed upon in the community is lack of sexual attraction. Some aces do masturbate, some don't. Some have a lot of sex, others are virgins.
8) I get so nervous when talking to pretty girls. I just can't function properly, and I don't know why. I feel like maybe I come off as a try-hard when this happens, but I just can't tell. If I like a girl, I typically try to avoid her as much as I can. Right now, my current interest is someone who I used to not be interested in (I don't really become interested in friends, but rather acquaintances who I idealize), but lately as I've gotten to know her she has shown to be an incredibly intelligent, absolutely beautiful and highly interesting young woman. And as a friend, I can't really avoid her, so I am slowly learning how to be less awkward in my mannerisms around girls.
9) Before I discovered what asexuality was, I used to feel like something was wrong with me. Growing up Catholic, you are taught that sex is a natural thing in a heterosexual marriage and that it's the epitome of love within the confines of that marriage. I don't want sex and I don't want to get married, and this is essentially denying the factor that makes you human in the eyes of God. I felt subhuman, less than, inferior. I hated myself. Sometimes I still feel guilty.
10) Growing up as a female, I've encountered sexism from a young age. I felt caged and pressured to conform when I would have to dress up to attend formal balls and banquets; my appearance was put on the utmost pedestal, all because men view women as child-bearing trophies. I hated it: I hated the atmosphere of snobby girls silently judging me, I hated the slow dancing and the gross breath of my date whispering in my ear as he tried to put his hands a little too low for comfort, and I hated the shitty food that was served, too. I withdrew into myself and kept quiet for a long time thereafter, because I felt like my opinions and thoughts were being trampled on, and I wasn't being heard.
11) Sometimes I wake up in the morning and just have this undeniable urge to call up a girl on my contacts, invite her over, and have sex with her. I want to fuck her brains out. I can't help it: there are days (it's sporadic) where I wake up unbelievably horny, and taking care of it myself is so tiresome because I have to go at it for a very long time. I have to orgasm at least 3 times in order to satisfy the urge, and it'd just be easier if I let out my pent-up sexual frustration on a girl in a way that's most pleasurable and exciting to her.
12) I have watched porn before, but I don't really enjoy it. I have a love-hate relationship with it: Mentally, it does absolutely nothing for me, I don't find it pleasing to watch. I find it repulsive, grotesque and inherently misogynist, but after I watch it, my body responds to it in the completely opposite way and I notice that I become extremely wet after watching it. It's like there's this disconnect with my body and my brain, and I don't understand why that happens. I feel so guilty about it, and I hate not being able to have control over how my body reacts to certain things.
13) I think I have a fear of relationships, but I would really like to experience one soon. I just want someone to be there. No talking, no sex, nothing. I want someone to just enjoy the silence with me and cuddle with me in the park or on our bed. Not even sleeping, just a comfortable silence. Unfortunately, I don't think my chances of finding a girl like that are very high.
14) I am deathly afraid that I will never be touched the way I would like to be.
15) I get bored easily with crushes, because I assume (from past experiences) that they will never happen. I'm scared that with my first girlfriend, I'll become bored of her quickly, and that's not fair to her. She doesn't deserve that.
16) I am platonically attracted to guys. I wish I could have a really close guy friend without him wanting (or expecting) something more, but so far that hasn't been the case. I would also really enjoy hugging and hand-holding with guys, but nothing more. No kissing, no caressing, nothing. This is where the confusion sets in about my romantic orientation. I really, really enjoy the comfort and feeling I get when I hug guys and when I can smell the lavender scent of detergent in their clothes. I wish I could just be in their arms forever, sometimes.
17) I feel scared when I get close to girls. I always feel like there's some kind of tension, and I can't really place my finger on what. It's not a sexual tension, because I'm not sexually attracted to them. I just don't know what it is.
18) If a close female friend ever started to get overly touchy, start breathing on my neck, touch my thigh, I would get turned on. My body is so sensitive and so receptive to touch that I could probably orgasm from just that. The underside of my wrists are the most sensitive part of my body: I will get an orgasm just from light traces along my wrist, dragged up my forearm.
19) I am overly sweet on my female friends, and I bend over backwards just to help them out even if it inconveniences me. I don't expect anything in return, I just feel powerless sometimes when it comes to girls; I don't ever want them to feel the way I do - that their concerns aren't important enough or that my thoughts don't matter. But this makes me feel weak-willed and I feel like I end up being used and it's my own fault. But I just can't help it.
20) After I masturbate at night, I feel incredibly lonely and I often wish that I had a girl to cuddle with in the dark. I wish we could lay there facing each other, and my eyes would adjust to the darkness and the first thing I'd be able to see is the outline of her face and then the curve of her lips.
21) With most friends, I maintain a disinterested view on sex. If a sexual topic comes up, I stay silent or say "eww." I just don't feel comfortable talking about it; years of conservative upbringing and sexism have taught me that sex is a not a subject that should be discussed in public, or discussed from a women's viewpoint, much less. However, with closer friends that I happen to be out to, sex brings up very interesting debates that I find myself to really enjoy; my thoughts on sex just don't seem to match what I show to other people, and I'm trying to fix that in order to be more comfortable with talking about it to friends that I am not out to.
22) When I was young, about 6 or 7, I believe I was sexually assaulted by a doctor. The memory is really fuzzy, but I do remember being at the doctor's office, my mom sitting in the chair, and the male doctor examining my private area for about 10 seconds. There was no penetration. I'm not really sure what kind of illness would warrant that kind of conduct, and I remember the door was left open and the nurse was in there and she turned the computer screen towards me. I honestly can't really remember a whole lot about the incident. A few days later I do remember riding in the front seat of the car and hearing on the radio about a doctor who was arrested because he sexually assaulted a ton of children and had child pornography on his computer and my mom then changed the radio station. I've never talked to her about it because it's too faint of a memory to recall. I feel like it may be a repressed memory or something. I will probably not talk about it to anyone.
23) While I sometimes identify as lesbian, I don't feel accepted or wanted by the LGBT community because I'm ace; it's a heavily sexualized community and I don't feel like I fit in anywhere within it. I don't feel welcome.
24) I feel like if I ever were to have sex, I'd be a good lover. I feel like I take direction very well and be attentive to her needs in order to make her experience as good as possible.
25) If I were to choose between sex or cake I would most likely choose cake every time.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Saturday, December 15, 2012
1. I’m a 19-year-old, delving eagerly into the process of questioning my assigned gender, which is female.
2. I’m very unsure of my sexual orientation. I most identify with the label bi-curious. It’s all up in the air right now. I’ve only ever had sexual experiences with men, two so far.
3. I am more often attracted to women over men. I’ve been attracted to women with all body types, skin colours; I’ve found no obvious patterns in my attraction.
4. I think that if I had some sort of sexual experience with a woman it would solidify my sexual orientation. I’m not sure why I want to solidify it, though. I think that one of the reasons is that I feel like I never challenge heterosexist assumptions about myself because I’m so unsure about my attraction to women. I’m not sure if my attraction to women really is deeply sexual or I just think that a lot of women are beautiful. If I did start looking for someone to experiment with I know I would be picky about who. I never want to share my body with anyone who isn’t sex-positive, body-positive and feminist.
5. For men, I’m least attracted to muscled, body-builder type figures. Though I’m sure there are exceptions to every rule.
6. I really want to experience oral sex with a woman. I just don’t know how to go about pursuing this fantasy while in an exclusive relationship. I would never cheat. My partner knows that I’m attracted to women, and honestly, I think that if the opportunity came up, he would probably be okay with my trying a one-night stand kind of thing with a woman. I’m just very anxious about trusting that he would be honest about his feelings towards it because I wouldn’t want it to strain our relationship at all.
7. My favorite word for my cunt is cunt. I love the way it sounds and looks when written down. Something is so deliciously simple about it.
8. My PIV sexual debut (a sex-positive term that rids the negative connotation of losing one’s virginity) was at 18, with my boyfriend. We had been dating for years, having lots of oral sex and just waiting for a time where it felt right to go further. I was ready for sex before he was and I patiently waited. When we finally did, he wasn’t very hard throughout it because he was nervous about performing well, but it was a great experience anyway.
9. I’ve strip-teased on webcam and sent nude photos to a boy I met through the internet and I consider it a mistake. This was in a time in my life where I used my body to try to make boys like me. Now I will never know if he still has those photos.
10. Up until my current relationship I felt shame about doing sexual things. I succumbed under pressure to things I didn’t want to do, and rarely explored what I did want to do. I feel like this is because I was affected by ideas that society puts forth about sex and women’s roles. Since becoming more feminist and sex-positive my sex life has definitely improved. Being able to talking openly about sex with my partner has lifted a huge weight off of me.
11. I think that the way that cocks work is a beautiful metaphor for sexual desire and release. I like the boldness of erections. The pattern: the hardening, movement until cumming, the release and final softness of a hanging cock, drooping and exhausted. It makes sexuality look so clean and obvious, and in comparison vaginas seem so subtle and mysterious to me.
12. For a long time I hated many parts of my body. Now I love myself wholly, especially the bits I hated most; I love the curve of fat at the top of my thighs and the way it looks against my cunt and I even love my small perky breasts.
13. My previous boyfriend had begged me to give him a blowjob and when I finally did I simply hated it. I don’t think I was turned on at the time at all. I hated the smell and taste of his cock and the way if filled my mouth. I just put my mouth around it for less than a minute so that he would leave me alone about it. Afterwards he thanked me and said that he thought blowjobs were overrated because he didn’t like it very much. It was really frustrating for me because he said he thought it would be “gross” to perform oral sex on me, but urged me to go down on him after I told him I didn’t want to. In retrospect this disgusts me, and I feel like telling him that what he did was wrong because I don’t want him to put anyone else through that.
14. I’ve been sexually assaulted 5 times. 4 out of 5 times I was groped by strangers in public in broad daylight. The other time a family member kissed me on the lips when I was upset. I’m still not sure if he meant the kiss to be sexual, but I felt violated afterwards and he never asked me if it was okay.
15. I think I’d like to try anal sex, and some BDSM things (mostly being tied up during sex). Both scare me a bit, though.
16. One of my favorite things is when my boyfriend goes down on me. He’s so passionate about it and I love that it turns him on. I get so horny as he kisses down my body, heading for my cunt.
17. I find it exhilarating to have sex outside. Once I went down on my boyfriend in the basement of a half-built house that we broke into. Not knowing if someone was going to catch us made it so sexy.
18. I want to be fucked harder than I’ve ever been fucked.
19. I love going down on my boyfriend. Something about the shape of the tip of his cock is so appealing; it makes me want to put my lips around it. Sometimes I like when he throat-fucks me, but I’m not in the mood for that all the time. We’re really consistent about being open about what we feel like doing, which I value a lot.
20. I’ve never had an orgasm from PIV sex. It doesn’t bother me; I really do enjoy sex anyways. It’s such a different sensation for me than clitoral stimulation.
21. I’ve recently been getting off by being in control. I suddenly realized that I previously rarely moved during sex and it really freaked me out. Being able to move my body against my partner is the fucking bomb.
22. My first kiss was at summer camp and I snuck out of my cabin in the night for the kiss. It was so beautiful to kiss him in the moonlight, and his touch was so passionate and hesitant at once. It was a French kiss, and feeling his tongue on mine was incredible. Even though it probably only lasted for a fleeting moment, it is still one of my most vivid sexual memories.
23. Another vivid sexual memory of mine is when my boyfriend and I mutually masturbated until we both came. It was so steamy to watch him in such pleasure, and see him watch me. He came first, and afterward he kept urging me on saying “please cum, cum for me” as he watched me touch my clit. When I finally came it was so powerful. The whole time, we had an unspoken agreement that we weren’t going to touch each other. It was so sexy, when I think of it now there is a red haze over my vision.
24. I’m going sex toy shopping with my boyfriend. I’m really excited. I want to try something that stimulates my clit while we fuck.
25. Most porn turns me completely off.
2. I’m very unsure of my sexual orientation. I most identify with the label bi-curious. It’s all up in the air right now. I’ve only ever had sexual experiences with men, two so far.
3. I am more often attracted to women over men. I’ve been attracted to women with all body types, skin colours; I’ve found no obvious patterns in my attraction.
4. I think that if I had some sort of sexual experience with a woman it would solidify my sexual orientation. I’m not sure why I want to solidify it, though. I think that one of the reasons is that I feel like I never challenge heterosexist assumptions about myself because I’m so unsure about my attraction to women. I’m not sure if my attraction to women really is deeply sexual or I just think that a lot of women are beautiful. If I did start looking for someone to experiment with I know I would be picky about who. I never want to share my body with anyone who isn’t sex-positive, body-positive and feminist.
5. For men, I’m least attracted to muscled, body-builder type figures. Though I’m sure there are exceptions to every rule.
6. I really want to experience oral sex with a woman. I just don’t know how to go about pursuing this fantasy while in an exclusive relationship. I would never cheat. My partner knows that I’m attracted to women, and honestly, I think that if the opportunity came up, he would probably be okay with my trying a one-night stand kind of thing with a woman. I’m just very anxious about trusting that he would be honest about his feelings towards it because I wouldn’t want it to strain our relationship at all.
7. My favorite word for my cunt is cunt. I love the way it sounds and looks when written down. Something is so deliciously simple about it.
8. My PIV sexual debut (a sex-positive term that rids the negative connotation of losing one’s virginity) was at 18, with my boyfriend. We had been dating for years, having lots of oral sex and just waiting for a time where it felt right to go further. I was ready for sex before he was and I patiently waited. When we finally did, he wasn’t very hard throughout it because he was nervous about performing well, but it was a great experience anyway.
9. I’ve strip-teased on webcam and sent nude photos to a boy I met through the internet and I consider it a mistake. This was in a time in my life where I used my body to try to make boys like me. Now I will never know if he still has those photos.
10. Up until my current relationship I felt shame about doing sexual things. I succumbed under pressure to things I didn’t want to do, and rarely explored what I did want to do. I feel like this is because I was affected by ideas that society puts forth about sex and women’s roles. Since becoming more feminist and sex-positive my sex life has definitely improved. Being able to talking openly about sex with my partner has lifted a huge weight off of me.
11. I think that the way that cocks work is a beautiful metaphor for sexual desire and release. I like the boldness of erections. The pattern: the hardening, movement until cumming, the release and final softness of a hanging cock, drooping and exhausted. It makes sexuality look so clean and obvious, and in comparison vaginas seem so subtle and mysterious to me.
12. For a long time I hated many parts of my body. Now I love myself wholly, especially the bits I hated most; I love the curve of fat at the top of my thighs and the way it looks against my cunt and I even love my small perky breasts.
13. My previous boyfriend had begged me to give him a blowjob and when I finally did I simply hated it. I don’t think I was turned on at the time at all. I hated the smell and taste of his cock and the way if filled my mouth. I just put my mouth around it for less than a minute so that he would leave me alone about it. Afterwards he thanked me and said that he thought blowjobs were overrated because he didn’t like it very much. It was really frustrating for me because he said he thought it would be “gross” to perform oral sex on me, but urged me to go down on him after I told him I didn’t want to. In retrospect this disgusts me, and I feel like telling him that what he did was wrong because I don’t want him to put anyone else through that.
14. I’ve been sexually assaulted 5 times. 4 out of 5 times I was groped by strangers in public in broad daylight. The other time a family member kissed me on the lips when I was upset. I’m still not sure if he meant the kiss to be sexual, but I felt violated afterwards and he never asked me if it was okay.
15. I think I’d like to try anal sex, and some BDSM things (mostly being tied up during sex). Both scare me a bit, though.
16. One of my favorite things is when my boyfriend goes down on me. He’s so passionate about it and I love that it turns him on. I get so horny as he kisses down my body, heading for my cunt.
17. I find it exhilarating to have sex outside. Once I went down on my boyfriend in the basement of a half-built house that we broke into. Not knowing if someone was going to catch us made it so sexy.
18. I want to be fucked harder than I’ve ever been fucked.
19. I love going down on my boyfriend. Something about the shape of the tip of his cock is so appealing; it makes me want to put my lips around it. Sometimes I like when he throat-fucks me, but I’m not in the mood for that all the time. We’re really consistent about being open about what we feel like doing, which I value a lot.
20. I’ve never had an orgasm from PIV sex. It doesn’t bother me; I really do enjoy sex anyways. It’s such a different sensation for me than clitoral stimulation.
21. I’ve recently been getting off by being in control. I suddenly realized that I previously rarely moved during sex and it really freaked me out. Being able to move my body against my partner is the fucking bomb.
22. My first kiss was at summer camp and I snuck out of my cabin in the night for the kiss. It was so beautiful to kiss him in the moonlight, and his touch was so passionate and hesitant at once. It was a French kiss, and feeling his tongue on mine was incredible. Even though it probably only lasted for a fleeting moment, it is still one of my most vivid sexual memories.
23. Another vivid sexual memory of mine is when my boyfriend and I mutually masturbated until we both came. It was so steamy to watch him in such pleasure, and see him watch me. He came first, and afterward he kept urging me on saying “please cum, cum for me” as he watched me touch my clit. When I finally came it was so powerful. The whole time, we had an unspoken agreement that we weren’t going to touch each other. It was so sexy, when I think of it now there is a red haze over my vision.
24. I’m going sex toy shopping with my boyfriend. I’m really excited. I want to try something that stimulates my clit while we fuck.
25. Most porn turns me completely off.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
1. I'm a nineteen-year-old gender-fluid. Mostly I identify and function as a cis woman; occasionally I'll play at being a man. For now I identify as a bisexual, not because I think there are two genders, but because I've not so far been attracted to a person of any other identity.
2. I lost my virginity at sixteen to my then-boyfriend, in a coercive rape, and I didn't realize what it was until a year later when I broke up with him.
3. After I lost my virginity, I spent the next two and a half years thinking I was asexual, as I never really wanted sex and it was never fun, but I still did it with one other boyfriend because it wasn't unpleasant and he thought it was the base of any relationship. He dumped me because I wasn't very good at sex.
4. I think the terms 'fuck buddy' and 'friends with benefits' are not interchangeable, I think a fuck buddy is just a person you use for sex, and they do the same to you, but a friend with benefits is a genuine friend, and you also have a sexual relationship, but not a romantic one.
5. In the summer after I graduated high school I met my first friend with benefits, we met in a bar and went back to his with a few mutual friends, and I told him I didn't like sex. At the time, I thought I was somehow broken (physically) and it just didn't feel that great, but I'd try anyway, because I did get some enjoyment out of seeing someone find pleasure in me. Over the course of a few months, he helped me enjoy sex, although I still thought I was broken as I hadn't orgasmed, even through masturbation, which I didn't like.
6. I helped my current boyfriend overcome his fear of sex, and one time, quite by accident, orgasmed.
7. I now enjoy masturbation frequently, as it is difficult for me to orgasm from penetration.
8. I think my clitoris is really on the tiny side.
9. I enjoy taking a submissive role in sex, being pinned down, bitten, but no so much spanked. I enjoy finding teeth marks or pressure bruises the next morning.
10. My current boyfriend doesn't know I sometimes identify as male, but I don't think less of him or think he'd love me less, I just don't think it's a part of our relationship.
11. Light strokes on my lower back and lips on my nipples are a big turn-on.
12. All people attracted to me like/d my legs, my friend with benefits couldn't say a word against me when I wore a skirt or dress. But he never made me feel like an object.
13. I'm a little curious about anal, but my first boyfriend tried to force it "accidentally" and it was incredibly painful and I bled, so Im a little hesitant, and I don't feel like it's something I have to do, especially since my boyfriend is quite 'normal' when it comes to sex.
14. I've never used a sex toy, don't really feel the need.
15. I'm quite easy to arouse.
16. I think it's weird that romantic love is the only kind that allows any intimacy in its physical expression. My dearest friend is my old friend with benefits (without benefits now), and while I don't feel a sexual attraction to him any more, I feel like a kiss on the cheek doesn't convey how deeply I love him (platonically).
17. I wonder if there are things someone who identifies as a lesbian could teach me about my own sexuality.
18. I'm very self-conscious of my orgasm. I think it's a reason I like to be submissive, because I feel embarrassed or exposed being on top during sex.
19. Size matters a little to me. It's not the end of the world, but deep penetration feels great, and it's easier for me to orgasm.
20. I like after-sex naps, especially spooning with my partner. I like the closeness and coziness of someone holding me to them, I feel like it's a happy, lazy continuation of our intimacy.
21. I feel weird about being vocal during sex, but hearing moans and gasps from my partner is really arousing.
22. I think oral sex is way more intimate than people make it out to be, and I've only ever done it to my current boyfriend, and only once, because I wanted to please him without thinking about me, but he never really liked it, so it's just not really something that is part of my sexual world.
23. I enjoy the company of people older than myself, not so much for sexual attraction, but because I enjoy being with people who can teach me something, and who I can have intelligent conversations with, but on the reverse I think that kind of relationship can be dangerous for the younger person if the elder is simply using them and exploiting their ignorance.
24. My boyfriend has a lower sex drive than I do, but I don't often crave sex.
25. I can make myself orgasm in under a minute.
2. I lost my virginity at sixteen to my then-boyfriend, in a coercive rape, and I didn't realize what it was until a year later when I broke up with him.
3. After I lost my virginity, I spent the next two and a half years thinking I was asexual, as I never really wanted sex and it was never fun, but I still did it with one other boyfriend because it wasn't unpleasant and he thought it was the base of any relationship. He dumped me because I wasn't very good at sex.
4. I think the terms 'fuck buddy' and 'friends with benefits' are not interchangeable, I think a fuck buddy is just a person you use for sex, and they do the same to you, but a friend with benefits is a genuine friend, and you also have a sexual relationship, but not a romantic one.
5. In the summer after I graduated high school I met my first friend with benefits, we met in a bar and went back to his with a few mutual friends, and I told him I didn't like sex. At the time, I thought I was somehow broken (physically) and it just didn't feel that great, but I'd try anyway, because I did get some enjoyment out of seeing someone find pleasure in me. Over the course of a few months, he helped me enjoy sex, although I still thought I was broken as I hadn't orgasmed, even through masturbation, which I didn't like.
6. I helped my current boyfriend overcome his fear of sex, and one time, quite by accident, orgasmed.
7. I now enjoy masturbation frequently, as it is difficult for me to orgasm from penetration.
8. I think my clitoris is really on the tiny side.
9. I enjoy taking a submissive role in sex, being pinned down, bitten, but no so much spanked. I enjoy finding teeth marks or pressure bruises the next morning.
10. My current boyfriend doesn't know I sometimes identify as male, but I don't think less of him or think he'd love me less, I just don't think it's a part of our relationship.
11. Light strokes on my lower back and lips on my nipples are a big turn-on.
12. All people attracted to me like/d my legs, my friend with benefits couldn't say a word against me when I wore a skirt or dress. But he never made me feel like an object.
13. I'm a little curious about anal, but my first boyfriend tried to force it "accidentally" and it was incredibly painful and I bled, so Im a little hesitant, and I don't feel like it's something I have to do, especially since my boyfriend is quite 'normal' when it comes to sex.
14. I've never used a sex toy, don't really feel the need.
15. I'm quite easy to arouse.
16. I think it's weird that romantic love is the only kind that allows any intimacy in its physical expression. My dearest friend is my old friend with benefits (without benefits now), and while I don't feel a sexual attraction to him any more, I feel like a kiss on the cheek doesn't convey how deeply I love him (platonically).
17. I wonder if there are things someone who identifies as a lesbian could teach me about my own sexuality.
18. I'm very self-conscious of my orgasm. I think it's a reason I like to be submissive, because I feel embarrassed or exposed being on top during sex.
19. Size matters a little to me. It's not the end of the world, but deep penetration feels great, and it's easier for me to orgasm.
20. I like after-sex naps, especially spooning with my partner. I like the closeness and coziness of someone holding me to them, I feel like it's a happy, lazy continuation of our intimacy.
21. I feel weird about being vocal during sex, but hearing moans and gasps from my partner is really arousing.
22. I think oral sex is way more intimate than people make it out to be, and I've only ever done it to my current boyfriend, and only once, because I wanted to please him without thinking about me, but he never really liked it, so it's just not really something that is part of my sexual world.
23. I enjoy the company of people older than myself, not so much for sexual attraction, but because I enjoy being with people who can teach me something, and who I can have intelligent conversations with, but on the reverse I think that kind of relationship can be dangerous for the younger person if the elder is simply using them and exploiting their ignorance.
24. My boyfriend has a lower sex drive than I do, but I don't often crave sex.
25. I can make myself orgasm in under a minute.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
1. I am a 26-year-old woman with very liberal sexual proclivities.
2. I currently have a boyfriend who I've been with for over two years, who is 24 1/2 years older than me, 'K'. He is not the first older man I have dated. When I was 17, I lost my virginity to a man of 34, 'P'. When I was 22, I was with a man of 44, 'M'. And now I am 26 I am with a man of 50. This equation (he is double my age) is a recurring theme in my life. The math of my partner's age in relation to mine turns me on. The bigger the age gap, the more exciting I find him. The largest age gap I have had was an affair of the heart, and just kissing, with a man 45 years older than me. I was 17 at the time.
3. By the age of 20 I had kissed (or more) with a man in his teens, 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's and 60's. It turns me on to think of this.
4. I lost my virginity to my teacher, 'P'. He was married. A month after we first kissed, his wife gave birth to twins. We used to meet up after hours when I made sets in the tech department for my drama course. The affair went on for 8 months. He never gave me an orgasm. I adored giving him blow jobs. I felt so wonderful being desired by him, because boys my age bullied me. About a year and a half after I started Uni I got a call from the police saying that my name had come up in investigations into his being found with a 15-year-old student. I was interviewed by the police. I was honest. The hardest thing was telling my father. He listened to my confession, held my hand and said 'Shit happens. We'll support you'. My statement was the reason 'P' confessed and was put on the sex offenders registry and blacklisted from teaching. I do not regret this. I do regret the affair. Not for his wife or children, but for the fact that I was not able to associate sex with love until years later.
5. 'Lolita' is one of the most erotic films/books to me. I choose to see it as the desire of an older man for something beautiful and unspoilt. Since I saw it at 16 I have forever wanted to be the object of that desire.
6. I am not heterosexual. I have kissed four women in varying degrees of depth. Two of those I was sexually intimate with and one of those involved full strap-on sex. My favourite kiss was with a drunk woman outside a pub. I had gone to drink alone after a hard week at work and chatted to a couple of lads I didn't know who bought me a few drinks. During one trip outside for a cig a man kept calling me "darlin'" in that drunk laddish way. His lady joined us, and I started chatting with her so she would not think I was returning her man's attention. At chucking out time, I had another cig with the lads before leaving, and the drunk man and his lady passed us on their way home. I gave her a light and she stood close to me and we both looked up. I gently put my hand behind her head and kissed her softly and with a tenderness I thought she might not feel very often. She looked back at me afterwards like I was made of pure love. Like I shone gold in the dark. She started walking away then had to come back for another kiss because she said it was just so beautiful. I often think of the way she looked at me and I love telling this story.
7. The most erotic thing about the woman I had full strap-on sex with was the curve of the hollow of her collar bone.
8. I want to be publicly spanked by 'K'. We are heavily into fetish and BDSM. We have a fantasy world where he is the Lord of the Manor/The Stable Boy/The Gardener/His Lordship's Gay Dresser and I am his Maid/Slave/Queen/Cook. Among many others. Sometimes the marks he inflicts on me last for weeks.
9. My favourite fantasy with 'K' is 'The Boy that Works in the Morgue'. He is a fully developed character. I am the beautiful corpse he makes love to when no one is around. I lay totally still with my eyes open and unblinking while he whispers awful things to me while fucking me, made-up stories from his childhood involving abuse and incest. This fantasy came out of my pretending to be a china doll one evening and he took a risk and said I looked dead while I was in character and lying still. This was the most beautiful thing that anyone has ever said to me. I cried in his arms without blinking once as he made love to me.
10. For all my love of older men, my first kiss was at a sleepover, aged 14, on a dare, with a 12-year-old friend of my friend's brother. I tell everyone else it was with some guy at school outside the A floor drama gallery.
11. I occasionally tell people I slept with my cousin once when we were horrendously drunk. This is true. Neither of us came. I stumbled back to the spare room afterwards. Dismissing it as a horrible drunken mistake makes me feel better.
12. I used to repress my sexual urges and not mention things that turned me on because my on/off boyfriend of 5 years, 'J', thought I was obsessed with sex. The day I left him for good, it was like someone cut the elastic bands constricting my chest, and I finally breathed deeply for the first time in years. Exactly one week later 'J' was staying with friends, and I invited my then-ex 'M' and his new girlfriend back for tea and kisses. Two weeks after that I taught her how to deep -throat him with a live demonstration. Things didn't really pan out after that, but we still flirt together when we meet at a goth night once a month. I would not get involved with them again.
13. I have only had four orgasms triggered by a partner. Three were from 'J.' Those were through oral sex with additional fingers internally. It took forever. He resented me for it. One was from 'M' as he finger-fucked me and I played with my clit. It also took forever. He was so proud of himself and let me fall asleep afterward while he went back to work. I fake it ALL the time. It takes me anything from 20 minutes to an hour on average on my own. I think this is why I enjoy the pain of S&M in place of orgasms.
14. I see beautiful women everywhere, and I hope they enjoy their beauty. Some of them look so serious or sad. I imagine making love to them.
15. I have made love to three men with a strap-on. The first, 'M', taught me how and was very helpful with technique. The second, 'J', was in denial about liking it. It took me two years to gently persuade him. Even though he loved it, he avoided it every time I suggested it afterwards. I didn't push the matter. When I left him and said we would no longer be sleeping with each other, he suddenly wanted to do it again. The third is my current boyfriend, 'K'. He adores it when I take him in the missionary position. I love the feeling of his legs wrapped around my waist. Sometimes he wears the red and white polka-dot dress I gave him.
16. When I masturbate I like cum shots. Hearing a man's orgasm cries and see him shoot gets me off.
17. Six weeks into my relationship with 'K,' we went to see his ex of twenty years ago, whom he'd not seen for four years, out of the blue, for a BBQ and sleepover, as we were in the area. After much wine, some drunk dancing and her 15-year-old son falling asleep, she suddenly kissed me as we were searching for whiskey in the drinks cupboard. We kissed, all three of us; they fondled me. She spanked me while I sucked his cock and did things to my nipples that left them sore for a week. When I asked why I was the only one naked she said 'sweetie, it's because you're the only young and beautiful one'. We all laughed. She is about 50 as well. The next day 'K' and I were closer than I've ever felt to a partner.
18. I prefer relationships with older men, yet I have no Daddy issues whatsoever. My father was perfectly supportive and has never let me down. My mother, on the other hand, lost interest in me as soon as I developed my own opinions. I cannot imagine having a relationship with a woman, despite my desire for them sometimes.
19. I find pain arousing--receiving it and inflicting it.
20. I read erotic stories all the time, either published books or internet fiction. My favourite novel is 'The Story of O,' and on the internet I read any fan-fiction involving rakish older men paired with girls many years their junior. My ultimate turn-ons are stories based on the Harry Potter books, with Severus Snape or Lucius Malfoy paired with Hermione Granger. Or stories involving all three of them. I read these stories on the bus, the train, in coffee shops. I love getting wet and aroused in public.
21. I have had two different clitoral hood piercings at different times. Having metal in my knickers is such a turn-on--knowing there's a little secret that no one knows about. Neither have been right for me, and I have removed them both now, but the process of getting them is brilliant and at the same time the most intense pain I've ever had from a piercing. (I've had over twenty in my time.) I usually have dreams of giving birth when I'm recovering. I feel more like a woman with metal in my lady-garden. I will do it again.
22. I have bought a rubber outfit for my second Christmas with 'K'. It comprises of a bodice top and a tight pencil skirt. The crowning glory of this ensemble is a pair of knickers that have an internal sheath that is designed to be pushed inside my vagina so he can fuck me without actually touching any part of me. I find this an incredible turn-on. We kiss through plastic clothing bags I bought specially for the purpose and through his full circle leather skirt. To touch without touching makes me so wet.
23. As it never happens, I do not base 'good sex' on my orgasms. I think this opens me up for better appreciation of other aspects of sex. I value connection, passion, imagination and movement. If we move together right, if we reach for each other in the right places at the right moments, then we're onto something good. Sex isn't called 'the horizontal rumba' for nothing. Static jackrabbit missionary isn't going to get me going. Touch is important. I love running my hands over a body, and that's all over a body, not just the fun bits. I particularly love shoulders and collarbones. I love the way my fingers travel over the curves and bumps of bone and muscle there. I will touch your waist, the backs of your knees and your forearms. And you will love it. And I want you to do the same to me. I'll ride on top, no problem, but the best bit of being on top is when you sit up, wrap your arms around me and roll me over onto my back, my head and shoulders almost falling over the edge, and screw me into the bed. Just like the best bit of side-by-side sex with my leg slung over your hip is when I push you over and go for a ride.
24. Kissing is the most. Fun. Thing. Ever. A good kiss is the ultimate turn on. With the right person I can kiss for hours. I love to be kissed softly at first, our lips moving over each other's gently, teasing, nibbling, and licking. As the passion rises between us, as the kiss deepens and tongues begin to dance and our arms tighten around each other, as we sigh and breathe into ourselves. The feeling lifts me off my feet, and I am genuinely flying. I have that kind of kissing in my life now. And I like to kiss every inch of 'K'. I remember once he was laid out on the bed, his feet on the bed, his knees bent. I was crawling towards him and I knelt between his legs and gently kissed his right knee. He said later on that he found that the most beautiful and erotic moment of our lovemaking that afternoon.
25. I turn myself on more than anything else. I think I am the most beautiful thing in the world. I pose in the mirrors in 'K's' bedroom (mirrors we bought to watch ourselves), I watch myself in shop windows and any other reflective surface I catch myself in. I love my curves in candle light, my shoulders, hips, breasts. I have been told I am beautiful by so many people. I see this as making up for the years of my youth spent feeling ugly and out of place.
2. I currently have a boyfriend who I've been with for over two years, who is 24 1/2 years older than me, 'K'. He is not the first older man I have dated. When I was 17, I lost my virginity to a man of 34, 'P'. When I was 22, I was with a man of 44, 'M'. And now I am 26 I am with a man of 50. This equation (he is double my age) is a recurring theme in my life. The math of my partner's age in relation to mine turns me on. The bigger the age gap, the more exciting I find him. The largest age gap I have had was an affair of the heart, and just kissing, with a man 45 years older than me. I was 17 at the time.
3. By the age of 20 I had kissed (or more) with a man in his teens, 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's and 60's. It turns me on to think of this.
4. I lost my virginity to my teacher, 'P'. He was married. A month after we first kissed, his wife gave birth to twins. We used to meet up after hours when I made sets in the tech department for my drama course. The affair went on for 8 months. He never gave me an orgasm. I adored giving him blow jobs. I felt so wonderful being desired by him, because boys my age bullied me. About a year and a half after I started Uni I got a call from the police saying that my name had come up in investigations into his being found with a 15-year-old student. I was interviewed by the police. I was honest. The hardest thing was telling my father. He listened to my confession, held my hand and said 'Shit happens. We'll support you'. My statement was the reason 'P' confessed and was put on the sex offenders registry and blacklisted from teaching. I do not regret this. I do regret the affair. Not for his wife or children, but for the fact that I was not able to associate sex with love until years later.
5. 'Lolita' is one of the most erotic films/books to me. I choose to see it as the desire of an older man for something beautiful and unspoilt. Since I saw it at 16 I have forever wanted to be the object of that desire.
6. I am not heterosexual. I have kissed four women in varying degrees of depth. Two of those I was sexually intimate with and one of those involved full strap-on sex. My favourite kiss was with a drunk woman outside a pub. I had gone to drink alone after a hard week at work and chatted to a couple of lads I didn't know who bought me a few drinks. During one trip outside for a cig a man kept calling me "darlin'" in that drunk laddish way. His lady joined us, and I started chatting with her so she would not think I was returning her man's attention. At chucking out time, I had another cig with the lads before leaving, and the drunk man and his lady passed us on their way home. I gave her a light and she stood close to me and we both looked up. I gently put my hand behind her head and kissed her softly and with a tenderness I thought she might not feel very often. She looked back at me afterwards like I was made of pure love. Like I shone gold in the dark. She started walking away then had to come back for another kiss because she said it was just so beautiful. I often think of the way she looked at me and I love telling this story.
7. The most erotic thing about the woman I had full strap-on sex with was the curve of the hollow of her collar bone.
8. I want to be publicly spanked by 'K'. We are heavily into fetish and BDSM. We have a fantasy world where he is the Lord of the Manor/The Stable Boy/The Gardener/His Lordship's Gay Dresser and I am his Maid/Slave/Queen/Cook. Among many others. Sometimes the marks he inflicts on me last for weeks.
9. My favourite fantasy with 'K' is 'The Boy that Works in the Morgue'. He is a fully developed character. I am the beautiful corpse he makes love to when no one is around. I lay totally still with my eyes open and unblinking while he whispers awful things to me while fucking me, made-up stories from his childhood involving abuse and incest. This fantasy came out of my pretending to be a china doll one evening and he took a risk and said I looked dead while I was in character and lying still. This was the most beautiful thing that anyone has ever said to me. I cried in his arms without blinking once as he made love to me.
10. For all my love of older men, my first kiss was at a sleepover, aged 14, on a dare, with a 12-year-old friend of my friend's brother. I tell everyone else it was with some guy at school outside the A floor drama gallery.
11. I occasionally tell people I slept with my cousin once when we were horrendously drunk. This is true. Neither of us came. I stumbled back to the spare room afterwards. Dismissing it as a horrible drunken mistake makes me feel better.
12. I used to repress my sexual urges and not mention things that turned me on because my on/off boyfriend of 5 years, 'J', thought I was obsessed with sex. The day I left him for good, it was like someone cut the elastic bands constricting my chest, and I finally breathed deeply for the first time in years. Exactly one week later 'J' was staying with friends, and I invited my then-ex 'M' and his new girlfriend back for tea and kisses. Two weeks after that I taught her how to deep -throat him with a live demonstration. Things didn't really pan out after that, but we still flirt together when we meet at a goth night once a month. I would not get involved with them again.
13. I have only had four orgasms triggered by a partner. Three were from 'J.' Those were through oral sex with additional fingers internally. It took forever. He resented me for it. One was from 'M' as he finger-fucked me and I played with my clit. It also took forever. He was so proud of himself and let me fall asleep afterward while he went back to work. I fake it ALL the time. It takes me anything from 20 minutes to an hour on average on my own. I think this is why I enjoy the pain of S&M in place of orgasms.
14. I see beautiful women everywhere, and I hope they enjoy their beauty. Some of them look so serious or sad. I imagine making love to them.
15. I have made love to three men with a strap-on. The first, 'M', taught me how and was very helpful with technique. The second, 'J', was in denial about liking it. It took me two years to gently persuade him. Even though he loved it, he avoided it every time I suggested it afterwards. I didn't push the matter. When I left him and said we would no longer be sleeping with each other, he suddenly wanted to do it again. The third is my current boyfriend, 'K'. He adores it when I take him in the missionary position. I love the feeling of his legs wrapped around my waist. Sometimes he wears the red and white polka-dot dress I gave him.
16. When I masturbate I like cum shots. Hearing a man's orgasm cries and see him shoot gets me off.
17. Six weeks into my relationship with 'K,' we went to see his ex of twenty years ago, whom he'd not seen for four years, out of the blue, for a BBQ and sleepover, as we were in the area. After much wine, some drunk dancing and her 15-year-old son falling asleep, she suddenly kissed me as we were searching for whiskey in the drinks cupboard. We kissed, all three of us; they fondled me. She spanked me while I sucked his cock and did things to my nipples that left them sore for a week. When I asked why I was the only one naked she said 'sweetie, it's because you're the only young and beautiful one'. We all laughed. She is about 50 as well. The next day 'K' and I were closer than I've ever felt to a partner.
18. I prefer relationships with older men, yet I have no Daddy issues whatsoever. My father was perfectly supportive and has never let me down. My mother, on the other hand, lost interest in me as soon as I developed my own opinions. I cannot imagine having a relationship with a woman, despite my desire for them sometimes.
19. I find pain arousing--receiving it and inflicting it.
20. I read erotic stories all the time, either published books or internet fiction. My favourite novel is 'The Story of O,' and on the internet I read any fan-fiction involving rakish older men paired with girls many years their junior. My ultimate turn-ons are stories based on the Harry Potter books, with Severus Snape or Lucius Malfoy paired with Hermione Granger. Or stories involving all three of them. I read these stories on the bus, the train, in coffee shops. I love getting wet and aroused in public.
21. I have had two different clitoral hood piercings at different times. Having metal in my knickers is such a turn-on--knowing there's a little secret that no one knows about. Neither have been right for me, and I have removed them both now, but the process of getting them is brilliant and at the same time the most intense pain I've ever had from a piercing. (I've had over twenty in my time.) I usually have dreams of giving birth when I'm recovering. I feel more like a woman with metal in my lady-garden. I will do it again.
22. I have bought a rubber outfit for my second Christmas with 'K'. It comprises of a bodice top and a tight pencil skirt. The crowning glory of this ensemble is a pair of knickers that have an internal sheath that is designed to be pushed inside my vagina so he can fuck me without actually touching any part of me. I find this an incredible turn-on. We kiss through plastic clothing bags I bought specially for the purpose and through his full circle leather skirt. To touch without touching makes me so wet.
23. As it never happens, I do not base 'good sex' on my orgasms. I think this opens me up for better appreciation of other aspects of sex. I value connection, passion, imagination and movement. If we move together right, if we reach for each other in the right places at the right moments, then we're onto something good. Sex isn't called 'the horizontal rumba' for nothing. Static jackrabbit missionary isn't going to get me going. Touch is important. I love running my hands over a body, and that's all over a body, not just the fun bits. I particularly love shoulders and collarbones. I love the way my fingers travel over the curves and bumps of bone and muscle there. I will touch your waist, the backs of your knees and your forearms. And you will love it. And I want you to do the same to me. I'll ride on top, no problem, but the best bit of being on top is when you sit up, wrap your arms around me and roll me over onto my back, my head and shoulders almost falling over the edge, and screw me into the bed. Just like the best bit of side-by-side sex with my leg slung over your hip is when I push you over and go for a ride.
24. Kissing is the most. Fun. Thing. Ever. A good kiss is the ultimate turn on. With the right person I can kiss for hours. I love to be kissed softly at first, our lips moving over each other's gently, teasing, nibbling, and licking. As the passion rises between us, as the kiss deepens and tongues begin to dance and our arms tighten around each other, as we sigh and breathe into ourselves. The feeling lifts me off my feet, and I am genuinely flying. I have that kind of kissing in my life now. And I like to kiss every inch of 'K'. I remember once he was laid out on the bed, his feet on the bed, his knees bent. I was crawling towards him and I knelt between his legs and gently kissed his right knee. He said later on that he found that the most beautiful and erotic moment of our lovemaking that afternoon.
25. I turn myself on more than anything else. I think I am the most beautiful thing in the world. I pose in the mirrors in 'K's' bedroom (mirrors we bought to watch ourselves), I watch myself in shop windows and any other reflective surface I catch myself in. I love my curves in candle light, my shoulders, hips, breasts. I have been told I am beautiful by so many people. I see this as making up for the years of my youth spent feeling ugly and out of place.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)