1. I'm an 18-year-old cis-gendered girl. I'm either unsure about my sexual orientation or find it impossible to put a word to it... I guess "fluctuating/developing" would be the best to describe it for now.
2. I take pride in the fact that other people have said I have the most perfect breasts they've ever seen.
3. I've only had one wet dream: I dreamed about masturbating with sex toys in front of my mirror.
4. I started masturbating during my early childhood years, probably about 7 years old. This was before I knew about sex at all--I just did it because it felt good.
5. One day I skipped science club after school just so I could go home and masturbate before my parents got home. I was in the fourth grade.
6. The first time I had an orgasm from another person was in a movie theater on Valentine's Day.
7. A few summers ago, I got involved with a guy who was already in a relationship. We messed around for about 2 months, but eventually I called it off. At the time, I didn't care at all that he had a girlfriend (who had no idea that he was cheating), but I felt awful after we stopped being involved with each other. It turns out the guy was hooking up with several other girls too.
8. I can trace my kinks/fetishes back to several occurrences in my childhood (like most other people with fetishes). That "a-ha" moment when I realized that I was into certain things because of things that happened throughout my life was one of the coolest feelings ever.
9. Very tall people are so arousing to me.
10. From my freshman to sophomore years in high school, I had a crush who eventually I became friends-with-benefits with. We would always make out in the woods, where I gave my first hand job. Eventually I gave him a blowjob, and for some reason we didn't talk for about 3 weeks after that. Things started up again and we hooked up for a while after that, but I eventually stopped answering his text messages and stopped talking to him in school. Now we're complete strangers, but I don't really care. He was pretty boring anyway.
11. I have had a huge crush on the same guy for a little over two years. Even through all the hook-ups with other people, I still hold my crush high above the rest. He happens to also be one of my best friends, which I sometimes worry could complicate things.
12. A few months ago I tried autoerotic asphyxiation for the first time, and it was one of the most phenomenal, euphoric feelings I've ever experienced. I finally understand why people go to great lengths to do that, like risking their lives.
13. I don't ever want to be pregnant, but I definitely don't want to go on birth control pills because I don't want all those extra hormones and chemicals in my body. This is really frustrating for me.
14. Two months ago I got a skin rash that could have possibly been an allergic reaction to latex. This was really upsetting for me not only because I might not be able to use normal condoms, but because I might not be able to wear latex fetish clothing at some point in my life.
15. I am into BDSM, as a dominant. I enjoy consensually inflicting pain on others as well as myself, tying others up, etc. Realizing that I was into this and that lots of other people are too feels really great, and I love having friends who I can talk about this with.
16. My first sex toy that I bought was a Wartenberg pinwheel.
17. Ive only had one submissive fantasy, involving my high school principal. The classic "naughty school girl" roleplay. Even though I've had this one submissive fantasy, I definitely dont consider myself a switch.
18. One goal of mine is to visit Pandora's Box in NYC, a famous BDSM space.
19. When I'm attracted to girls, it's usually very random. They're never really similar to one another. I guess I don't have one "type" of girl that I'm attracted to.
20. I fantasize about threesomes a lot.
21. One of my biggest fantasies is to tie someone up in my shower and drip candle wax down their body.
22. My greatest accomplishment will probably be finding attractive, leather-free bondage gear.
23. I make an effort to only hook up with people if they're vegetarian/vegan. As pretentious as that sounds, why would I want to make out with someone who eats gross animal products if I don't?
24. I'm afraid of losing my virginity somewhere boring. I want it to happen in some exciting situation.
25. I've recently started to become more-than-friends with the guy I mentioned in #11. One night he stayed over at my house while my parents were out of town, and we started getting intimate. Eventually I learned that he has a lot of similar kinks to mine, which is really awesome. I can't wait to take things further with him.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
1. I am a 21 year old fat cisgendered woman, and have never had sex with another person.
2. I thought I was a lesbian from when I was about 13 to 18 years old. In the eighth grade, I discovered that I had romantic feelings for a close friend of mine. The idea tormented me, but I ended up with the idea that I MUST be a lesbian. (Convenient, because boys didn't care for me too much.) Luckily, she ended up having feelings for me too. My first relationship and first kiss filled me with confidence. Making out was lovely and hot. After this relationship ended, I still stuck with the lesbian monicker, and came out to many people. Through high school, identifying as gay gave me something to be--an identity to align myself with. I found a good group of friends. I helped found our school's Gay-Straight Alliance. When people made rude comments to me, I found the strength to reject those comments through the identity I had forged.
3. Identity and sexual desires didn't really add up in this situation, though. I have been an active masturbator since I was about 8 or 9, and masturbate 2-3 times a week, on average. So, I was actively thinking about my sexual desires a lot. When I would try to imagine myself with women, or imagine women's bodies, I didn't really get much out of it. When I noticed that men turned me on, I repressed those feelings because they conflicted with my supposed identity. I did allow myself to fantasize about being a man penetrating a woman, and that's what I got off on a lot of the time. I don't consider myself a lesbian now, but I wouldn't completely rule out the possibility of having sex with a woman. Right now, I'm not going to go out of my way to seek that out, though.
4. Around the time that I started masturbating and before, I started becoming fascinated with penises. I wanted one. I still do, sometimes. Some of my earlier sexual fantasies involved having a penis and adorning it with things... I don't really know how to describe it besides that. When I discovered the internet, I also discovered that you could see penises on the internet. Oh no. I looked at this one picture of a man's penis and balls in a harness almost every time I was on the internet and my parents weren't around. I really liked the idea that you could constrict it and put it in things, perhaps even under clothing in public.
5. Among my other early sexual fantasies were medical procedures and ceremonial/tribal sex. For the former, I remember being absolutely intrigued by this building near where my mom worked--a urological doctor's office. I wondered what went on in there. I imagined fluids being collected, instruments being inserted, etc. I still think medical play sounds really, really hot. There's something about it that utterly thrills me. I also created a really elaborate culture/religion that I used in many of my sexual fantasies when I was little. The name of this culture escapes me, but the focal point of their religious activities had to do with highly ritualized sexual ceremonies in which one lost their virginity at a certain age, having a high priest/shaman impregnate all the women, etc. The practices were never set in stone, and I shifted and changed them around at will. I do remember that their "language" was simply our language but backwards, as in all the letters were reversed. One easy way to do it, I guess.
6. Up until the middle of high school, a lot of my sexual fantasies took place in an extensive fantasy world. Basically, I would imagine myself stopping time and venturing into this alternate reality that I was the controller of. There was some sort of backstory to this, where this mythological entity bestowed this power unto me, but this wasn't really important, and I have since forgotten the details. The major attraction of this world was a house that contained everything I could ever want in it. I could even step into this machine and change my physical body if I wanted to, and turn into a man. I could create people at will. (I never actually destroyed any people, but I guess I could have. I didn't really want to, though.) Some of my most elaborate fantasies took place there. Since this was my imagination, and money didn't exist, I could create complicated sex machines and medical apparatuses and wear any sort of costume that turned me on. (Later, when I got into doing drugs, I could even use this facility to "experiment" without completely messing my psyche up [which was ultimately what happened as I used more and more "real" drugs.]) Basically, what I'm saying is that imagination rocks, and it was a huge part of my sexual fantasies.
7. In the past few years, I've stopped going into my alternate reality because my sexual fantasies have started becoming about real people who exist in this world. When I was younger I felt incredibly guilty about thinking sexual thoughts about anyone "real", probably because I felt so unattractive and unwanted by real people. I have always been overweight and uncomfortable in social situations, and both of those things led to me not having many romantic encounters at all. Once I started being comfortable with my sexuality, though, I realized that there were actual people who I wanted to boink.
8. Around this time, I got into a really strange relationship with a guy. Neither of us had any idea what we were doing, but I could at least play along better than he could. He was 23, and I was 19 when we started dating, so this was pretty recently. I gave him his first kiss. I thought he was a virgin too, but he wasn't. He had met men from Craigslist to have sex with. When he told me that, I found it unsettling, but I couldn't really put my finger on why. I think I was drawn to him because he was so vulnerable, and I thought that he wasn't going to be able to dominate or control me in any sort of manner. I also was intrigued by him--I knew there were lots of dark and mysterious parts to him that I wanted to know. He was cute. Looked very inquisitive. Beautiful blue eyes and long long long red hair, about at his waist. He seemed absolutely freespirited, not caring whether other people thought he was strange. Intellectually stimulating. Mischievous, like some sort of mythological sprite or devil. I almost thought that because he was so vulnerable, he couldn't hurt me. I was wrong about that one. After he started being in and out of psychiatric hospitals, I started realizing it probably wasn't very healthy for me to be so obsessed with this boy.
9. We "dated" for about a month. It was kind of cute at this point. We snuggled a lot. He was always the little spoon. (He was stick-thin and tiny and such a little boy, so he wasn't going to be the big spoon.) I attempted to make out with him several times, but I just don't think he understood the concept. We talked about it. He didn't really get it. I liked being wanted by somebody, but I knew I wasn't getting what I wanted. Our one sexual experience happened when we locked ourselves in one of the study rooms in his dorm hall to cuddle, and I proposed that he should watch me masturbate. Throughout the experience, he kept on giggling, saying that he didn't know what he should do. I just wanted him to do something, ANYTHING but sit there paralyzed. He didn't touch me except for when he was told to, and not in a D/s way. He told me that it had been really hot, and that it should happen again sometime. I, frankly, felt dead. Horrible. I had finally found someone to share my sexuality with, and he was completely unable to reciprocate my feelings. I thought we had really understood each other, but we really didn't. Both of us have fairly similar personalities, and I realized that neither of us felt that we could open ourselves up to taking chances and being hurt. Neither of us wanted to make a first move because that would make us vulnerable. I didn't want to do anything to hurt him because I thought that he would go off and kill himself if I did something wrong. I ignored myself a lot in our relationship. I focused on helping him get better at the expense of my own mental stability.
10. After we broke up, I still had a very strong emotional and sexual attachment to him. For better or worse, we stayed friends. He ended up staying the object of my sexuality. During the relationship, I fantasized about him taking control--telling me he wanted to fuck me, being firm and dominant (but not forcing me to do anything I didn't want to). After we officially broke up, I started fantasizing about me being the one in control. Tying him up, fucking him senseless. Though he had never been in a relationship before, he had had sex with boys from the internet, so I thought about buying a strap-on and surprising him, even though I knew this would not be a good idea.. He had told me earlier in a particularly intimate conversation that the only sexual fantasy that he has ever had and continues to have is one of being raped and killed. He felt really guilty and embarrassed about that. I certainly didn't want to kill him, and I didn't want to do anything without his consent. I wanted to play it out with him, though. I wanted to make him moan. I wanted to show him that sexual experiences could be positive. I wanted to be the one giving him erections. It hasn't been that long since these fantasies stopped, and I still think about it sometimes.
11. Those fantasies got so intense that they bled into our friendship. I started not being able to interact with him without turning things into a sexual game. I would chide and berate him (jokingly) because it turned me on. If he would ask for things, I would deny him. In those awkward moments where we fell back into touching each other, I would tease him, only letting him get so close to me that he wanted more. I started realizing that, again, this was not healthy. I was playing a one-sided sexual game with someone who wasn't even aware of it. Though he acknowledged his feelings from time to time, I realized that I was manipulating him for my own sexual purposes. I decided to come clean. We sat in my car on a rainy day. It was summer- we had both been at our respective parents' houses, but came back to our college town to visit friends at the same time. After battling vulnerability and embarrassment, I told him what I wanted to do to him. It was extraordinarily hard to say the words, or to even articulate what it was I felt. I knew he wasn't the type of person who would just think I was a freak and leave, but I felt like that would happen. He said he was "flattered" and turned on, but was extremely hesitant to agree to anything. Ultimately, we decided not to experiment. We still talk about sex and tease each other. It drives me crazy. Not in a good way or a bad way, just crazy. I should probably cut that out.
12. I sometimes feel bitter about still being a virgin (non-voluntarily) at my age, but when I really think about it, me being a virgin just reiterates the fact that I'm just now learning to actually connect to other people, be confident, and let myself be vulnerable. I naturally find it challenging to connect with other people in general, so this barrier isn't just sexual. The times when my bitterness is at its worst are when I am comparing myself to my friends and I realize that they are all more "experienced" than me. I feel like they've lived more life than I have, though some of them are even younger than me. This is an ongoing struggle. Right now, I feel okay about it.
13. My experience of being a fat woman has influenced every part of my life, especially my sexuality. When I was younger I used to think I was doomed or forsaken or something. I grew up fat, and I continue to be fat. After many failed restrictive and disgusting diets of many colors, I realized that it was time for me to stop waiting until I was at a "normal" weight to live my life. This was very recently- I've been in this process of greater acceptance for about a year now. Once I started accepting myself, my sexuality really started blossoming. Now, I feel so much freer thinking about and experiencing my sexuality. I think one of the most radical things a fat person can do is to accept and love their body, and enjoy it in any way possible. That's what I'm trying to do. I want people to look at my body, realize that I am happy, and be challenged by that.
14. The porn I watch tends to be amateur porn. I really like watching men jerk off. I also really like watching them insert catheters or sounds. I also like the idea that the people doing the jerking off are real, and are actually getting off.
15. There's something about cum that is really hot to me. I don't particularly want to give blow jobs, or have semen in my mouth. The idea of that actually kind of turns me off. I like the idea of a man coming all over himself, or in and around my vagina. I like the idea that I could be the one to make a man cum.
16. I don't know if I really have a "type", but I do tend to like guys that are skinnier than me, for better or worse. It's rare when I see someone I find REALLY attractive. I like smart guys, but not ones that sit around and quote philosophers all day. I like long hair, defiance of gender norms, and glasses.
17. I don't really like the idea of someone going down on me. I think I'm kind of self-conscious about the way my body smells. It doesn't smell horrible, normally, but I am afraid my natural stench might upset someone else. My clitoris is also really sensitive- light touches and wetness tend to make it too sensitive. I use a lot of hard pressure above my clitoris when I masturbate- never on the head itself.
18. I tried playing with catheters a couple times. It wasn't as hot as I thought it was going to be, but it was still kind of hot.
19. I have not told anyone this before, but I really think it would be hot to be fucked by a dog. I am embarrassed by this because I am a strong advocate for animal rights and most people who work in this area probably would not find this kosher. I don't want to force a dog to have sex with me. To my understanding, sometimes they want to do it on their own. And I think that would be really hot. It probably will never happen in real life because, ethically, I am strongly for spay/neutering of animals, and neutered dogs tend not to want to fuck around so much. Cat and dog overpopulation is an issue, and so many animals need homes. I think that outweighs the fantasy in this case. I still like thinking about it, though.
20. I like to masturbate before I go to sleep. I have a lot of trouble falling asleep, and more times than not, it helps me along.
21. The only people who have seen me naked besides my sister and parents were a group of people I stayed with on a commune one summer. It was hot as hell outside, and one of the favorite activities on the farm was to venture down to the river and go swimming naked. At first I just wanted to skip that and go hole up in my bunk bed and read a book, but I eventually decided to go. I didn't feel ashamed at all. I was the fattest one there, and for once, I didn't feel like a complete freak. Everyone's bodies were really beautiful and real. I felt really free. We played naked Frisbee. It was great.
22. I like thinking about gay men having sex. The main focus for me is the man on the receiving end, and him being hard and dripping semen. (It sounds really weird writing specific sexual images out. The words are there, but they don't seem to accurately describe what it is I'm getting horny over.)
23. In terms of dominance and submission, I'd like to try them both. In either case, though, there absolutely needs to be consent. I don't want to do anything to anyone that they don't want me to do. In fact, the main factor of D/s sex to me is that both parties really WANT to be doing these things to each other. The submissive party WANTS to be slapped and fucked, and the dominant one WANTS to do the slapping and fucking. I would play out a rape scenario with someone if we discussed it beforehand--I don't think I could handle fucking someone while they are saying no or struggling, even if it was in a fantasy/play situation. If I was the dominant party, I would really get off knowing that my sub wanted me to deny him, wanted me to spank him, wanted me to tease him. I could only do this if I really trusted the other person.
24. I don't really have an interest in having one night stands--I want some emotional involvement going on. I think it's mainly that I don't find most people attractive--it takes someone really special and strange to catch my eye. I won't rule casual sex out. (If I ever go to Burning Man, especially.)
25. I tried to calculate a minimum number of orgasms I've had in my life a couple of times. I've been masturbating since I was nine, at the very very latest. At the very least, I masturbate once a week. I almost always orgasm. So, at the VERY VERY LEAST, I have had 624 orgasms. That sounds like a lot. That is a lot. And they don't ever get boring. :)
2. I thought I was a lesbian from when I was about 13 to 18 years old. In the eighth grade, I discovered that I had romantic feelings for a close friend of mine. The idea tormented me, but I ended up with the idea that I MUST be a lesbian. (Convenient, because boys didn't care for me too much.) Luckily, she ended up having feelings for me too. My first relationship and first kiss filled me with confidence. Making out was lovely and hot. After this relationship ended, I still stuck with the lesbian monicker, and came out to many people. Through high school, identifying as gay gave me something to be--an identity to align myself with. I found a good group of friends. I helped found our school's Gay-Straight Alliance. When people made rude comments to me, I found the strength to reject those comments through the identity I had forged.
3. Identity and sexual desires didn't really add up in this situation, though. I have been an active masturbator since I was about 8 or 9, and masturbate 2-3 times a week, on average. So, I was actively thinking about my sexual desires a lot. When I would try to imagine myself with women, or imagine women's bodies, I didn't really get much out of it. When I noticed that men turned me on, I repressed those feelings because they conflicted with my supposed identity. I did allow myself to fantasize about being a man penetrating a woman, and that's what I got off on a lot of the time. I don't consider myself a lesbian now, but I wouldn't completely rule out the possibility of having sex with a woman. Right now, I'm not going to go out of my way to seek that out, though.
4. Around the time that I started masturbating and before, I started becoming fascinated with penises. I wanted one. I still do, sometimes. Some of my earlier sexual fantasies involved having a penis and adorning it with things... I don't really know how to describe it besides that. When I discovered the internet, I also discovered that you could see penises on the internet. Oh no. I looked at this one picture of a man's penis and balls in a harness almost every time I was on the internet and my parents weren't around. I really liked the idea that you could constrict it and put it in things, perhaps even under clothing in public.
5. Among my other early sexual fantasies were medical procedures and ceremonial/tribal sex. For the former, I remember being absolutely intrigued by this building near where my mom worked--a urological doctor's office. I wondered what went on in there. I imagined fluids being collected, instruments being inserted, etc. I still think medical play sounds really, really hot. There's something about it that utterly thrills me. I also created a really elaborate culture/religion that I used in many of my sexual fantasies when I was little. The name of this culture escapes me, but the focal point of their religious activities had to do with highly ritualized sexual ceremonies in which one lost their virginity at a certain age, having a high priest/shaman impregnate all the women, etc. The practices were never set in stone, and I shifted and changed them around at will. I do remember that their "language" was simply our language but backwards, as in all the letters were reversed. One easy way to do it, I guess.
6. Up until the middle of high school, a lot of my sexual fantasies took place in an extensive fantasy world. Basically, I would imagine myself stopping time and venturing into this alternate reality that I was the controller of. There was some sort of backstory to this, where this mythological entity bestowed this power unto me, but this wasn't really important, and I have since forgotten the details. The major attraction of this world was a house that contained everything I could ever want in it. I could even step into this machine and change my physical body if I wanted to, and turn into a man. I could create people at will. (I never actually destroyed any people, but I guess I could have. I didn't really want to, though.) Some of my most elaborate fantasies took place there. Since this was my imagination, and money didn't exist, I could create complicated sex machines and medical apparatuses and wear any sort of costume that turned me on. (Later, when I got into doing drugs, I could even use this facility to "experiment" without completely messing my psyche up [which was ultimately what happened as I used more and more "real" drugs.]) Basically, what I'm saying is that imagination rocks, and it was a huge part of my sexual fantasies.
7. In the past few years, I've stopped going into my alternate reality because my sexual fantasies have started becoming about real people who exist in this world. When I was younger I felt incredibly guilty about thinking sexual thoughts about anyone "real", probably because I felt so unattractive and unwanted by real people. I have always been overweight and uncomfortable in social situations, and both of those things led to me not having many romantic encounters at all. Once I started being comfortable with my sexuality, though, I realized that there were actual people who I wanted to boink.
8. Around this time, I got into a really strange relationship with a guy. Neither of us had any idea what we were doing, but I could at least play along better than he could. He was 23, and I was 19 when we started dating, so this was pretty recently. I gave him his first kiss. I thought he was a virgin too, but he wasn't. He had met men from Craigslist to have sex with. When he told me that, I found it unsettling, but I couldn't really put my finger on why. I think I was drawn to him because he was so vulnerable, and I thought that he wasn't going to be able to dominate or control me in any sort of manner. I also was intrigued by him--I knew there were lots of dark and mysterious parts to him that I wanted to know. He was cute. Looked very inquisitive. Beautiful blue eyes and long long long red hair, about at his waist. He seemed absolutely freespirited, not caring whether other people thought he was strange. Intellectually stimulating. Mischievous, like some sort of mythological sprite or devil. I almost thought that because he was so vulnerable, he couldn't hurt me. I was wrong about that one. After he started being in and out of psychiatric hospitals, I started realizing it probably wasn't very healthy for me to be so obsessed with this boy.
9. We "dated" for about a month. It was kind of cute at this point. We snuggled a lot. He was always the little spoon. (He was stick-thin and tiny and such a little boy, so he wasn't going to be the big spoon.) I attempted to make out with him several times, but I just don't think he understood the concept. We talked about it. He didn't really get it. I liked being wanted by somebody, but I knew I wasn't getting what I wanted. Our one sexual experience happened when we locked ourselves in one of the study rooms in his dorm hall to cuddle, and I proposed that he should watch me masturbate. Throughout the experience, he kept on giggling, saying that he didn't know what he should do. I just wanted him to do something, ANYTHING but sit there paralyzed. He didn't touch me except for when he was told to, and not in a D/s way. He told me that it had been really hot, and that it should happen again sometime. I, frankly, felt dead. Horrible. I had finally found someone to share my sexuality with, and he was completely unable to reciprocate my feelings. I thought we had really understood each other, but we really didn't. Both of us have fairly similar personalities, and I realized that neither of us felt that we could open ourselves up to taking chances and being hurt. Neither of us wanted to make a first move because that would make us vulnerable. I didn't want to do anything to hurt him because I thought that he would go off and kill himself if I did something wrong. I ignored myself a lot in our relationship. I focused on helping him get better at the expense of my own mental stability.
10. After we broke up, I still had a very strong emotional and sexual attachment to him. For better or worse, we stayed friends. He ended up staying the object of my sexuality. During the relationship, I fantasized about him taking control--telling me he wanted to fuck me, being firm and dominant (but not forcing me to do anything I didn't want to). After we officially broke up, I started fantasizing about me being the one in control. Tying him up, fucking him senseless. Though he had never been in a relationship before, he had had sex with boys from the internet, so I thought about buying a strap-on and surprising him, even though I knew this would not be a good idea.. He had told me earlier in a particularly intimate conversation that the only sexual fantasy that he has ever had and continues to have is one of being raped and killed. He felt really guilty and embarrassed about that. I certainly didn't want to kill him, and I didn't want to do anything without his consent. I wanted to play it out with him, though. I wanted to make him moan. I wanted to show him that sexual experiences could be positive. I wanted to be the one giving him erections. It hasn't been that long since these fantasies stopped, and I still think about it sometimes.
11. Those fantasies got so intense that they bled into our friendship. I started not being able to interact with him without turning things into a sexual game. I would chide and berate him (jokingly) because it turned me on. If he would ask for things, I would deny him. In those awkward moments where we fell back into touching each other, I would tease him, only letting him get so close to me that he wanted more. I started realizing that, again, this was not healthy. I was playing a one-sided sexual game with someone who wasn't even aware of it. Though he acknowledged his feelings from time to time, I realized that I was manipulating him for my own sexual purposes. I decided to come clean. We sat in my car on a rainy day. It was summer- we had both been at our respective parents' houses, but came back to our college town to visit friends at the same time. After battling vulnerability and embarrassment, I told him what I wanted to do to him. It was extraordinarily hard to say the words, or to even articulate what it was I felt. I knew he wasn't the type of person who would just think I was a freak and leave, but I felt like that would happen. He said he was "flattered" and turned on, but was extremely hesitant to agree to anything. Ultimately, we decided not to experiment. We still talk about sex and tease each other. It drives me crazy. Not in a good way or a bad way, just crazy. I should probably cut that out.
12. I sometimes feel bitter about still being a virgin (non-voluntarily) at my age, but when I really think about it, me being a virgin just reiterates the fact that I'm just now learning to actually connect to other people, be confident, and let myself be vulnerable. I naturally find it challenging to connect with other people in general, so this barrier isn't just sexual. The times when my bitterness is at its worst are when I am comparing myself to my friends and I realize that they are all more "experienced" than me. I feel like they've lived more life than I have, though some of them are even younger than me. This is an ongoing struggle. Right now, I feel okay about it.
13. My experience of being a fat woman has influenced every part of my life, especially my sexuality. When I was younger I used to think I was doomed or forsaken or something. I grew up fat, and I continue to be fat. After many failed restrictive and disgusting diets of many colors, I realized that it was time for me to stop waiting until I was at a "normal" weight to live my life. This was very recently- I've been in this process of greater acceptance for about a year now. Once I started accepting myself, my sexuality really started blossoming. Now, I feel so much freer thinking about and experiencing my sexuality. I think one of the most radical things a fat person can do is to accept and love their body, and enjoy it in any way possible. That's what I'm trying to do. I want people to look at my body, realize that I am happy, and be challenged by that.
14. The porn I watch tends to be amateur porn. I really like watching men jerk off. I also really like watching them insert catheters or sounds. I also like the idea that the people doing the jerking off are real, and are actually getting off.
15. There's something about cum that is really hot to me. I don't particularly want to give blow jobs, or have semen in my mouth. The idea of that actually kind of turns me off. I like the idea of a man coming all over himself, or in and around my vagina. I like the idea that I could be the one to make a man cum.
16. I don't know if I really have a "type", but I do tend to like guys that are skinnier than me, for better or worse. It's rare when I see someone I find REALLY attractive. I like smart guys, but not ones that sit around and quote philosophers all day. I like long hair, defiance of gender norms, and glasses.
17. I don't really like the idea of someone going down on me. I think I'm kind of self-conscious about the way my body smells. It doesn't smell horrible, normally, but I am afraid my natural stench might upset someone else. My clitoris is also really sensitive- light touches and wetness tend to make it too sensitive. I use a lot of hard pressure above my clitoris when I masturbate- never on the head itself.
18. I tried playing with catheters a couple times. It wasn't as hot as I thought it was going to be, but it was still kind of hot.
19. I have not told anyone this before, but I really think it would be hot to be fucked by a dog. I am embarrassed by this because I am a strong advocate for animal rights and most people who work in this area probably would not find this kosher. I don't want to force a dog to have sex with me. To my understanding, sometimes they want to do it on their own. And I think that would be really hot. It probably will never happen in real life because, ethically, I am strongly for spay/neutering of animals, and neutered dogs tend not to want to fuck around so much. Cat and dog overpopulation is an issue, and so many animals need homes. I think that outweighs the fantasy in this case. I still like thinking about it, though.
20. I like to masturbate before I go to sleep. I have a lot of trouble falling asleep, and more times than not, it helps me along.
21. The only people who have seen me naked besides my sister and parents were a group of people I stayed with on a commune one summer. It was hot as hell outside, and one of the favorite activities on the farm was to venture down to the river and go swimming naked. At first I just wanted to skip that and go hole up in my bunk bed and read a book, but I eventually decided to go. I didn't feel ashamed at all. I was the fattest one there, and for once, I didn't feel like a complete freak. Everyone's bodies were really beautiful and real. I felt really free. We played naked Frisbee. It was great.
22. I like thinking about gay men having sex. The main focus for me is the man on the receiving end, and him being hard and dripping semen. (It sounds really weird writing specific sexual images out. The words are there, but they don't seem to accurately describe what it is I'm getting horny over.)
23. In terms of dominance and submission, I'd like to try them both. In either case, though, there absolutely needs to be consent. I don't want to do anything to anyone that they don't want me to do. In fact, the main factor of D/s sex to me is that both parties really WANT to be doing these things to each other. The submissive party WANTS to be slapped and fucked, and the dominant one WANTS to do the slapping and fucking. I would play out a rape scenario with someone if we discussed it beforehand--I don't think I could handle fucking someone while they are saying no or struggling, even if it was in a fantasy/play situation. If I was the dominant party, I would really get off knowing that my sub wanted me to deny him, wanted me to spank him, wanted me to tease him. I could only do this if I really trusted the other person.
24. I don't really have an interest in having one night stands--I want some emotional involvement going on. I think it's mainly that I don't find most people attractive--it takes someone really special and strange to catch my eye. I won't rule casual sex out. (If I ever go to Burning Man, especially.)
25. I tried to calculate a minimum number of orgasms I've had in my life a couple of times. I've been masturbating since I was nine, at the very very latest. At the very least, I masturbate once a week. I almost always orgasm. So, at the VERY VERY LEAST, I have had 624 orgasms. That sounds like a lot. That is a lot. And they don't ever get boring. :)
Sunday, January 23, 2011
1 I'm male and queer and 21.
2 I look and dress like a guy, but don't want to identify as a man, although I'm not against getting called a boy or a girl.
3 I'm mostly into girls, although I occasionally like cute guys and trans men.
4 Polyamory is where it's at! Well, for me at least it makes the most sense: I suck at getting jealous, I'm good at communicating, and I'm pretty good at thinking everyone is cute.
5 I've had sex with 8 people, but none of them were men of any sort. I've kissed more people than that, including one guy.
6 I don't drink or smoke or really get intoxicated in any way I can avoid. Sometimes it sucks I feel uncomfortable kissing or having sex with drunk people. I sometimes wish people didn't get drunk at all these different social occasions so we could finally kiss or something.
7 I identify as queer mostly because of my leanings toward poly. Having crushes on guys and trans guys is new to me.
8 Third wave feminism is the best kind for me, if you wanna vote/be on top/be submissive/be a sex worker/live your life how you feel, then do it and there's nothing wrong with that.
9 I'm pretty hot, but I've gotten used to it and kinda expect anyone I find attractive to find me attractive. Of course this isn't the case, and I now have a few really good friends who I have the hugest crushes on.
10 I'm so grateful for my roomie and my friend/crush who are always there to hear me talk about how I feel about sexuality and always have my back.
11 I'd like to think I'm good at communicating
12 I've always wanted to be part of a DP, although it's not something I'd know how to go about asking to take part in. I guess bluntly--that's how I usually ask.
13 I hang out with "radical" people most of the time, it's comfortable, but it throws me off when I explain my ideas about sex to people outside of that circle and they're surprised or confused or curious by things I've come to consider normal.
14 Until I get to know you very well, I'll be detached. You won't be able to tell by my behavior, though. I love giving affection and I'm really open to receiving it as well.
15 I'm pretty tall. I'm seeing someone right now that's taller than anyone else I've been with before. It's awesome.
16 I'm curious about being penetrated. I've played with my fingers but I have no idea how I'd handle anything more than fingers, although I'd be open to at least try...
17 I had great sex ed in high school compared to most of my friends. I read a lot about sex online as well. The first time I had sex, I'd read so much I felt as though I knew exactly what I was doing even though I didn't.
18 I wouldn't know what to do past making out if I ended up in bed with a guy. I hope if it happens they have the patience to let me know how we'd go about things.
19 I used to be into "pick up artist" stuff, but I really don't care for it anymore. I just do the whole "be yourself" thing and I have more fun and don't think like a sexist douchebag.
20 I really like going down on girls. I like to hear the moans, feel the twisting, having my chin wet and seeing how different things affect different people.
21 I had sex once without a condom. It wasn't that much fun.
22 I've wanted to be bisexual since high school. I'd like to think it's finally happening, but I'm not getting my hopes up too high.
23 I'm trying to reclaim the word slut, as a self-identified slut.
24 I don't masturbate that often unless I want to last long in sex I may have later that day/night or if I end up at home doing nothing for too long.
25 I totally have a thing for punk girls.
2 I look and dress like a guy, but don't want to identify as a man, although I'm not against getting called a boy or a girl.
3 I'm mostly into girls, although I occasionally like cute guys and trans men.
4 Polyamory is where it's at! Well, for me at least it makes the most sense: I suck at getting jealous, I'm good at communicating, and I'm pretty good at thinking everyone is cute.
5 I've had sex with 8 people, but none of them were men of any sort. I've kissed more people than that, including one guy.
6 I don't drink or smoke or really get intoxicated in any way I can avoid. Sometimes it sucks I feel uncomfortable kissing or having sex with drunk people. I sometimes wish people didn't get drunk at all these different social occasions so we could finally kiss or something.
7 I identify as queer mostly because of my leanings toward poly. Having crushes on guys and trans guys is new to me.
8 Third wave feminism is the best kind for me, if you wanna vote/be on top/be submissive/be a sex worker/live your life how you feel, then do it and there's nothing wrong with that.
9 I'm pretty hot, but I've gotten used to it and kinda expect anyone I find attractive to find me attractive. Of course this isn't the case, and I now have a few really good friends who I have the hugest crushes on.
10 I'm so grateful for my roomie and my friend/crush who are always there to hear me talk about how I feel about sexuality and always have my back.
11 I'd like to think I'm good at communicating
12 I've always wanted to be part of a DP, although it's not something I'd know how to go about asking to take part in. I guess bluntly--that's how I usually ask.
13 I hang out with "radical" people most of the time, it's comfortable, but it throws me off when I explain my ideas about sex to people outside of that circle and they're surprised or confused or curious by things I've come to consider normal.
14 Until I get to know you very well, I'll be detached. You won't be able to tell by my behavior, though. I love giving affection and I'm really open to receiving it as well.
15 I'm pretty tall. I'm seeing someone right now that's taller than anyone else I've been with before. It's awesome.
16 I'm curious about being penetrated. I've played with my fingers but I have no idea how I'd handle anything more than fingers, although I'd be open to at least try...
17 I had great sex ed in high school compared to most of my friends. I read a lot about sex online as well. The first time I had sex, I'd read so much I felt as though I knew exactly what I was doing even though I didn't.
18 I wouldn't know what to do past making out if I ended up in bed with a guy. I hope if it happens they have the patience to let me know how we'd go about things.
19 I used to be into "pick up artist" stuff, but I really don't care for it anymore. I just do the whole "be yourself" thing and I have more fun and don't think like a sexist douchebag.
20 I really like going down on girls. I like to hear the moans, feel the twisting, having my chin wet and seeing how different things affect different people.
21 I had sex once without a condom. It wasn't that much fun.
22 I've wanted to be bisexual since high school. I'd like to think it's finally happening, but I'm not getting my hopes up too high.
23 I'm trying to reclaim the word slut, as a self-identified slut.
24 I don't masturbate that often unless I want to last long in sex I may have later that day/night or if I end up at home doing nothing for too long.
25 I totally have a thing for punk girls.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
1. I am a 19 year old, reasonably straight female, and have had 7 sexual partners.
2. The only sexual action I have had has been while drunk.
3. My first real kiss was with my friend (a girl) at 17. I made out with 4 girls that night, and a few weeks later, the first male 'action' I had was making out with 2 gay guys. (I didn't know a lot of straight guys at the time.) Overall I've made out with 9 girls, 3 of those strangers.
4. The first time I had sex was at 17. I had just met him that night at my friend's brothers 21st. I don't think I even took my shoes off. He was 23 and it was on a table at 4 AM.
5. The second guy I had sex with was also a guy I had met that day. It was my friend's friend, and we pulled 2 couches together and had sex there. He didn't respect me at all, and I went home absolutely covered in hickeys.
6. The third guy was a guy I had met a few times before. He liked my friend first, but she didn't like him. I was the second best option and I gave in because I liked that he was a ginger. He was so small I had to go on top every time we had sex. I deserved a lot better... He asked me out, but broke up with me a day later. It was at a club, I was drunk, he told me he didn't want to see me anymore outside in the smoking area. Being the person I am, the first guy that took an interest in me after the breakup that night ended up taking me home. Even though the ginger guy didn't/doesn't respect me, I still have gotten with him a few times after this event.
7. Over the space of 2 years I think I've made out with about 30 guys... I love the art of kissing. I'm pretty sure my mouth is an erogenous zone. I also love giving blow jobs... I prefer giving head to receiving head, as I love the satisfaction you get when you get someone off.
8. I like to be the one that initiates sex. After I get them riled up I like them to take over, but for the first 10 minutes I want to be the one on top.
9. I've recently discovered I love to be bitten. My most recent sexual partner told me he liked to be bitten on the ear. When he showed me how it was done, I nearly died.
10. I want to have sex with a girl at some point, hopefully this year. I want it to be someone I don't know, someone short and cute with big eyes and a cute sense of fashion. I would go out with a girl, I think, but I've been put off relationships, so I probably won't now, unfortunately.
11. I've never achieved an orgasm with anyone. The only way I can orgasm is if I watch girl wrestling porn or porn where a girl deep-throats a dildo... I'm kind of scared of this fact, as I don't think I ever want to sex wrestle with anyone, and I think this could possibly be desensitizing me to ever being able to orgasm in a normal sexual encounter.
12. The last time I had sex was 2 days ago, with this gorgeous guy. He's my current sexual partner, if you will, even though we're not going out. Whenever we go out, we always end up spending the night getting drunk on opposite sides of the room, then getting together while drunk and spending the next day cuddling and watching movies. There's nothing I love more in this world than being cuddled while watching a good movie. We both admitted to liking each other and that we like being together, but we both have commitment issues and both enjoy sex too much.
13. A week ago I had sex with 2 guys in the same night. I was really drunk and really regret it. They were both jugglers from different counties. I told the second guy I liked him, I think it was because I was drunk and felt vulnerable and lonely. He said he was just into sex.
14. I don't think I will ever enter into a relationship until I meet someone and fall in love with him instantly. There's this guy at college, a mature student. I've never spoken to him once, and even though the lecture halls fit about 800 people I am constantly looking at him, imagining conversations we could someday have. He's never looked at me, I just hope he's never caught me looking at him. If he has done, I don't think there'll ever be a day we get to talk, as I probably seem a complete freak.
15. I've been told I'm very pretty. I'm only 5'1", quite thin but curvy. I've had quite a lot of ass compliments. It's my greatest asset.
16. I want to be madly and deeply in love with someone, but I'm like my dad, and have similar traits to his. He left the home when I was 12, and seems to hate commitment like me. Although I crave 'a prince,' I seem to have awful luck, and I assure myself every day love will never find me, and I won't find love.
17. As you've probably guessed, I'm easy to get into bed. I've often ditched my friends in order to have sex, which I hate, but it's my New Year's resolution to never do it again. My desire to have sex while drunk always clouds my judgment in the most hideous ways.
18. I'm scared if I ever fall hook, line and sinker for a man they'll hurt me, as I have a massive heart that is just dormant. That's why I think I go for guys that don't really like me that much. I know what I'm getting into, so when they finally decide to get with another girl in front of me, as they have done, I won't have expected any less, and it won't hurt as much.
19. I love pain mingled with sex. I like the sensations; pain and pleasure to mingle. I love when guys slap my ass. I also love the feel of getting a massive hickey, just not the after-mark as my mum is now really worried about me as I keep coming home in the morning with a hickey after 'spending the night in my friend's granny's house'. I currently have 2 hickeys from 2 different guys.
20. I want to some day have sex with a girl using a strap-on.
21. I wish I could give up sex and go on a hunt for a real partner, but as soon as there is drink in me I become an animal, and I love drink, followed by sex, way too much.
22. I hope to have sex with ecstasy in my system soon.
23. The further the list goes on, the more I think I'm going to hell, even though I'm atheist, which probably contributes to the 'going to hell' feeling.
24. I keep telling myself I'm happy with the way I am, and that it contributes to my independence and lifestyle, but the more I think about how truly lonely I've always been, the more it hurts... I've started getting a name for myself, and I'm really scared for the future.
25. I hope one day I'll be able to fall in love with someone and show them this list, and they will love me enough not to care, but I'm scared I've become too much like damaged goods.
2. The only sexual action I have had has been while drunk.
3. My first real kiss was with my friend (a girl) at 17. I made out with 4 girls that night, and a few weeks later, the first male 'action' I had was making out with 2 gay guys. (I didn't know a lot of straight guys at the time.) Overall I've made out with 9 girls, 3 of those strangers.
4. The first time I had sex was at 17. I had just met him that night at my friend's brothers 21st. I don't think I even took my shoes off. He was 23 and it was on a table at 4 AM.
5. The second guy I had sex with was also a guy I had met that day. It was my friend's friend, and we pulled 2 couches together and had sex there. He didn't respect me at all, and I went home absolutely covered in hickeys.
6. The third guy was a guy I had met a few times before. He liked my friend first, but she didn't like him. I was the second best option and I gave in because I liked that he was a ginger. He was so small I had to go on top every time we had sex. I deserved a lot better... He asked me out, but broke up with me a day later. It was at a club, I was drunk, he told me he didn't want to see me anymore outside in the smoking area. Being the person I am, the first guy that took an interest in me after the breakup that night ended up taking me home. Even though the ginger guy didn't/doesn't respect me, I still have gotten with him a few times after this event.
7. Over the space of 2 years I think I've made out with about 30 guys... I love the art of kissing. I'm pretty sure my mouth is an erogenous zone. I also love giving blow jobs... I prefer giving head to receiving head, as I love the satisfaction you get when you get someone off.
8. I like to be the one that initiates sex. After I get them riled up I like them to take over, but for the first 10 minutes I want to be the one on top.
9. I've recently discovered I love to be bitten. My most recent sexual partner told me he liked to be bitten on the ear. When he showed me how it was done, I nearly died.
10. I want to have sex with a girl at some point, hopefully this year. I want it to be someone I don't know, someone short and cute with big eyes and a cute sense of fashion. I would go out with a girl, I think, but I've been put off relationships, so I probably won't now, unfortunately.
11. I've never achieved an orgasm with anyone. The only way I can orgasm is if I watch girl wrestling porn or porn where a girl deep-throats a dildo... I'm kind of scared of this fact, as I don't think I ever want to sex wrestle with anyone, and I think this could possibly be desensitizing me to ever being able to orgasm in a normal sexual encounter.
12. The last time I had sex was 2 days ago, with this gorgeous guy. He's my current sexual partner, if you will, even though we're not going out. Whenever we go out, we always end up spending the night getting drunk on opposite sides of the room, then getting together while drunk and spending the next day cuddling and watching movies. There's nothing I love more in this world than being cuddled while watching a good movie. We both admitted to liking each other and that we like being together, but we both have commitment issues and both enjoy sex too much.
13. A week ago I had sex with 2 guys in the same night. I was really drunk and really regret it. They were both jugglers from different counties. I told the second guy I liked him, I think it was because I was drunk and felt vulnerable and lonely. He said he was just into sex.
14. I don't think I will ever enter into a relationship until I meet someone and fall in love with him instantly. There's this guy at college, a mature student. I've never spoken to him once, and even though the lecture halls fit about 800 people I am constantly looking at him, imagining conversations we could someday have. He's never looked at me, I just hope he's never caught me looking at him. If he has done, I don't think there'll ever be a day we get to talk, as I probably seem a complete freak.
15. I've been told I'm very pretty. I'm only 5'1", quite thin but curvy. I've had quite a lot of ass compliments. It's my greatest asset.
16. I want to be madly and deeply in love with someone, but I'm like my dad, and have similar traits to his. He left the home when I was 12, and seems to hate commitment like me. Although I crave 'a prince,' I seem to have awful luck, and I assure myself every day love will never find me, and I won't find love.
17. As you've probably guessed, I'm easy to get into bed. I've often ditched my friends in order to have sex, which I hate, but it's my New Year's resolution to never do it again. My desire to have sex while drunk always clouds my judgment in the most hideous ways.
18. I'm scared if I ever fall hook, line and sinker for a man they'll hurt me, as I have a massive heart that is just dormant. That's why I think I go for guys that don't really like me that much. I know what I'm getting into, so when they finally decide to get with another girl in front of me, as they have done, I won't have expected any less, and it won't hurt as much.
19. I love pain mingled with sex. I like the sensations; pain and pleasure to mingle. I love when guys slap my ass. I also love the feel of getting a massive hickey, just not the after-mark as my mum is now really worried about me as I keep coming home in the morning with a hickey after 'spending the night in my friend's granny's house'. I currently have 2 hickeys from 2 different guys.
20. I want to some day have sex with a girl using a strap-on.
21. I wish I could give up sex and go on a hunt for a real partner, but as soon as there is drink in me I become an animal, and I love drink, followed by sex, way too much.
22. I hope to have sex with ecstasy in my system soon.
23. The further the list goes on, the more I think I'm going to hell, even though I'm atheist, which probably contributes to the 'going to hell' feeling.
24. I keep telling myself I'm happy with the way I am, and that it contributes to my independence and lifestyle, but the more I think about how truly lonely I've always been, the more it hurts... I've started getting a name for myself, and I'm really scared for the future.
25. I hope one day I'll be able to fall in love with someone and show them this list, and they will love me enough not to care, but I'm scared I've become too much like damaged goods.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
1. I am a 21-year-old female who is mainly attracted to men, but has been attracted to people of all sort of other genders and can’t think of any sexuality label for myself that I care to take on.
2. Until a year ago, I had had slept with 2 people, both of whom were men my age who I was in long-term relationships with. Now, that number is up to six and someone 20 years older than me and a woman were added to my list. 2010 was good for me.
3. The sex workers I have met are some of the most incredible, brilliant, masters of the art of seduction and sexuality that I know.
4. Would BDSM/power play be as interesting if it weren’t for the terrible social inequalities that are being referenced and played with in these fantasies? I don’t know, but I am a fierce feminist, and love to be submissive in bed.
5. I orgasm easily sometimes, but other times enjoy myself a lot but don’t really reach a climactic point. This is not really something that bothers me, I know the difference between feeling satisfied and feeling unsatisfied, and for me it’s not always defined by climax.
6. I like big men... but I’ve had a skinny guy ask me to dominate him. That was fun too.
7. Giving blowjobs might possibly be my favorite sexual act. I love the feeling of constantly learning new skills to craft the perfect orgasm on the other person, who loves every minute of your creative performance. I love figuring out new blowjob skills, and if I dominant man wants to teach me some new ones, I’m eager to learn.
8. I’m overweight as well as sexy as hell. No contradiction there.
9. Watching porn has led me to imagine the people I meet naked or having sex infinitely more often than I did before, especially women. I think I have been able to do this while continuing to respect them.
10. There are a few dirty pictures of me floating around on the internet.
11. Most good orgasms involve me rubbing my clit a bit in just the way that I need... I don’t think that’s a problem. On the contrary, my clit is amazing and I wouldn’t want to leave it out of any orgasm!
12. I have group sex and threesome fantasies.
13. I have double and triple penetration fantasies.
14. I have never removed any hair on my pussy. To me it just seems wrong, though of course I would never dictate what someone else should do. But this doesn’t seem to be a problem for most people I have slept with.
15. I have two vibrators but hardly ever use them; my hands work way better for me.
16. The best orgasms- and possibly the best feeling- I think I have ever had is masturbating by myself, after smoking a joint.
17. I once took a man’s virginity and totally got off on how nervous and trembling with excitement he was.
18. I love to be spanked.
19. Although variation is the spice of life, I think my favorite trajectory when fucking my boyfriend is to start with him on top, switch on doggy style when I just need it deeper, and then get myself to climax while he fingers me.
20. I really love my boobs a lot.
21. And my pussy.
22. Some things I have not yet experienced that I would like to include learning to squirt and finally having pleasurable anal sex.
23. I would like to meet a sexual partner who gets turned on by menstrual blood. I think it’s gorgeous but none of my past sexual partners have cared for it, to say the least.
24. Every morning when I wake up my hands are down my pants... I guess my hands are just most comfortable tucked away in my pussy.
25. I know you aren’t reading this, French lover, but I want so much right now to light up a cigarette and have you go down on me for old times' sake.
2. Until a year ago, I had had slept with 2 people, both of whom were men my age who I was in long-term relationships with. Now, that number is up to six and someone 20 years older than me and a woman were added to my list. 2010 was good for me.
3. The sex workers I have met are some of the most incredible, brilliant, masters of the art of seduction and sexuality that I know.
4. Would BDSM/power play be as interesting if it weren’t for the terrible social inequalities that are being referenced and played with in these fantasies? I don’t know, but I am a fierce feminist, and love to be submissive in bed.
5. I orgasm easily sometimes, but other times enjoy myself a lot but don’t really reach a climactic point. This is not really something that bothers me, I know the difference between feeling satisfied and feeling unsatisfied, and for me it’s not always defined by climax.
6. I like big men... but I’ve had a skinny guy ask me to dominate him. That was fun too.
7. Giving blowjobs might possibly be my favorite sexual act. I love the feeling of constantly learning new skills to craft the perfect orgasm on the other person, who loves every minute of your creative performance. I love figuring out new blowjob skills, and if I dominant man wants to teach me some new ones, I’m eager to learn.
8. I’m overweight as well as sexy as hell. No contradiction there.
9. Watching porn has led me to imagine the people I meet naked or having sex infinitely more often than I did before, especially women. I think I have been able to do this while continuing to respect them.
10. There are a few dirty pictures of me floating around on the internet.
11. Most good orgasms involve me rubbing my clit a bit in just the way that I need... I don’t think that’s a problem. On the contrary, my clit is amazing and I wouldn’t want to leave it out of any orgasm!
12. I have group sex and threesome fantasies.
13. I have double and triple penetration fantasies.
14. I have never removed any hair on my pussy. To me it just seems wrong, though of course I would never dictate what someone else should do. But this doesn’t seem to be a problem for most people I have slept with.
15. I have two vibrators but hardly ever use them; my hands work way better for me.
16. The best orgasms- and possibly the best feeling- I think I have ever had is masturbating by myself, after smoking a joint.
17. I once took a man’s virginity and totally got off on how nervous and trembling with excitement he was.
18. I love to be spanked.
19. Although variation is the spice of life, I think my favorite trajectory when fucking my boyfriend is to start with him on top, switch on doggy style when I just need it deeper, and then get myself to climax while he fingers me.
20. I really love my boobs a lot.
21. And my pussy.
22. Some things I have not yet experienced that I would like to include learning to squirt and finally having pleasurable anal sex.
23. I would like to meet a sexual partner who gets turned on by menstrual blood. I think it’s gorgeous but none of my past sexual partners have cared for it, to say the least.
24. Every morning when I wake up my hands are down my pants... I guess my hands are just most comfortable tucked away in my pussy.
25. I know you aren’t reading this, French lover, but I want so much right now to light up a cigarette and have you go down on me for old times' sake.
Monday, January 10, 2011
1. I am a 24-year-old female who hates labels regarding sexuality almost as much as labels regarding religion.
2. It took me years, and obviously lots of practice, but I am fully able to have multiple orgasms. Only two, at the most (for now).
3. I love talking about sexuality with my partners - even past partners. All the time, constantly.
4. I own a small travel-sized bullet vibrator, and two larger dildos. (One of which is the infamous Rabbit. I've only used it twice).
5. I prefer vibrational stimulation while masturbating, but penetrative stimulation during sex.
6. I've wept sometimes at the intensity of my emotions, and the physical sensations, during an orgasm..
7. I want to try everything, at least once. (Except for a very slim list of things I deem degrading; but, to each their own!)
8. I love, love, love laughing during sex. Funny noise? Laughter! Banged our teeth together? Laughter! And so on.
9. I've never made out with a woman - I do not wish to die without having done so. I'd also love to simply ravish her body with my mouth.
10. Sometimes I just want to lose myself with my current partner and let go of rational thought. Maybe get a little rough, bite him more deeply, go faster and harder. (But I worry too much of what he'd think).
11. Despite weighing (currently) 130 pounds, I am still extremely body-conscious. I'd love to videotape at some point, though. I just want to feel more comfortable with myself first.
12. I enjoy being dominated sometimes. But there's a fine line between shivering because I'm turned on, and shivering because I'm frightened. (I've never felt 'safe' enough to experiment with this).
13. I am a sexual abuse survivor. I have never been to therapy to discuss my sexual life. All healing has been done on my own, and with extremely understanding and, I stress, patient partners. I am forever grateful to them - but I feel most of the work done came from within. I'm proud of myself, and I feel this is only just the beginning. It's an extremely exciting time in my life, as a sexually active being.
14. I enjoy amateur, couple porn. I can't stand porn stars talking dirty throughout an entire video (clearly not enjoying themselves).
15. Only recently did I finally get a guy off in my mouth. I was grinning from ear to ear all day. I'm really looking forward to practicing deep-throat again too.
16. I have had six sexual partners. But I'm tired of thinking about the number. I don't think it matters.
17. Although I have never had children (and never want to), I had an IUD inserted. I love having sex without a condom as well as the sight of my partner's cum in the toilet-water afterward. I don't know why, but I think that's incredibly hot to see physical proof of just how hard I got him off.
18.Getting facials in the shower, hell yeah - easy clean-up, and the water that's already falling masks the actual cum-splatter sensation.
19. I love my breasts. 34 D, and I am very particular about making sure they've got proper support. (Underwire, ladies!)
20. High sex is amazing. I adore having high sex with my partner. We turn into animals, and become all about nothing but each other's pleasure.
21. At some point, my partner and I have agreed to try a day of only physicality as our means of communication - nothing verbal. I'm very much looking forward to using just my body as the only way able to express how I feel about him.
22. The sounds he makes when he gets off are the hottest I've ever heard. I love it when he makes noise.
23. I prefer uncircumcised penises (but do not discriminate). I just think they're natural and more beautiful (and more fun!).
24. My favorite position (currently) is something he and I refer to as 'chair' - he sits down, I straddle him, and I'm in full control of how fast, how hard, and how deep we go. It's amazing, and I'm glad he enjoys it so much too.
25. Sometimes I feel that intercourse (in whatever fashion: making love, sex, etc). is a purer form of love than anything I could possibly say or write with words.
2. It took me years, and obviously lots of practice, but I am fully able to have multiple orgasms. Only two, at the most (for now).
3. I love talking about sexuality with my partners - even past partners. All the time, constantly.
4. I own a small travel-sized bullet vibrator, and two larger dildos. (One of which is the infamous Rabbit. I've only used it twice).
5. I prefer vibrational stimulation while masturbating, but penetrative stimulation during sex.
6. I've wept sometimes at the intensity of my emotions, and the physical sensations, during an orgasm..
7. I want to try everything, at least once. (Except for a very slim list of things I deem degrading; but, to each their own!)
8. I love, love, love laughing during sex. Funny noise? Laughter! Banged our teeth together? Laughter! And so on.
9. I've never made out with a woman - I do not wish to die without having done so. I'd also love to simply ravish her body with my mouth.
10. Sometimes I just want to lose myself with my current partner and let go of rational thought. Maybe get a little rough, bite him more deeply, go faster and harder. (But I worry too much of what he'd think).
11. Despite weighing (currently) 130 pounds, I am still extremely body-conscious. I'd love to videotape at some point, though. I just want to feel more comfortable with myself first.
12. I enjoy being dominated sometimes. But there's a fine line between shivering because I'm turned on, and shivering because I'm frightened. (I've never felt 'safe' enough to experiment with this).
13. I am a sexual abuse survivor. I have never been to therapy to discuss my sexual life. All healing has been done on my own, and with extremely understanding and, I stress, patient partners. I am forever grateful to them - but I feel most of the work done came from within. I'm proud of myself, and I feel this is only just the beginning. It's an extremely exciting time in my life, as a sexually active being.
14. I enjoy amateur, couple porn. I can't stand porn stars talking dirty throughout an entire video (clearly not enjoying themselves).
15. Only recently did I finally get a guy off in my mouth. I was grinning from ear to ear all day. I'm really looking forward to practicing deep-throat again too.
16. I have had six sexual partners. But I'm tired of thinking about the number. I don't think it matters.
17. Although I have never had children (and never want to), I had an IUD inserted. I love having sex without a condom as well as the sight of my partner's cum in the toilet-water afterward. I don't know why, but I think that's incredibly hot to see physical proof of just how hard I got him off.
18.Getting facials in the shower, hell yeah - easy clean-up, and the water that's already falling masks the actual cum-splatter sensation.
19. I love my breasts. 34 D, and I am very particular about making sure they've got proper support. (Underwire, ladies!)
20. High sex is amazing. I adore having high sex with my partner. We turn into animals, and become all about nothing but each other's pleasure.
21. At some point, my partner and I have agreed to try a day of only physicality as our means of communication - nothing verbal. I'm very much looking forward to using just my body as the only way able to express how I feel about him.
22. The sounds he makes when he gets off are the hottest I've ever heard. I love it when he makes noise.
23. I prefer uncircumcised penises (but do not discriminate). I just think they're natural and more beautiful (and more fun!).
24. My favorite position (currently) is something he and I refer to as 'chair' - he sits down, I straddle him, and I'm in full control of how fast, how hard, and how deep we go. It's amazing, and I'm glad he enjoys it so much too.
25. Sometimes I feel that intercourse (in whatever fashion: making love, sex, etc). is a purer form of love than anything I could possibly say or write with words.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
1. I am a 31-year-old black male. I am tall, fit, and since puberty have never had any problem getting what I want sexually.
2. I am attracted to men and women, though I do not affiliate with the politics or socialization of a queer identity.
3. Most women I know find me attractive and a few of them have gotten scared by the idea that I am also attracted to men.
4. I lost my virginity at a graduation party. I was really drunk.
5. I’ve had sexual intercourse with 9 different people, all of them women.
6. The best handjob I’ve ever had was from a man.
7. I love eating pussy. I could do it for hours.
8. The majority of “muscled” gay men are not remotely attractive to me. As an athlete, I like well-proportioned men, rather than the muscle-heads that just lift weights and wear tight t-shirts.
9. Large penises and round bottoms turn me on. If women naturally had penises, I’d probably go for that.
10. I had sex with two different women on the same day. Didn’t use a condom either time. Not the coolest. One was my then-girlfriend and the other was the girl I was cheating on her with. I don’t do such foolish things anymore.
11. I’ve simultaneously made out with two different girls twice. The first time was in 8th grade. They both let me finger them under a blanket for a while. We all just giggled. The second time was in 10th grade, but everyone got naked. It was fun, but the two girls hated each other afterward.
12. I am very attracted to androgynously athletic women. Not manly, but tall, lean, fit women are very sexy.
13. My former girlfriend and I used to play with dildos often. We both enjoyed it a great deal.
14. Pornography has played a large role in developing my sexuality. Too large a role, but more sex-positive, feminist porn is really changing my life. I first saw porn magazines around age 9 or 10. I didn’t know what it was. Maybe around 11 or 12 I started to really get it... and i liked it.
15. I started masturbating around age 11 and ejaculated for the first time around age 12. It scared me. I just rubbed my penis into the bed until I came. That first ejaculation wasn’t so good because it made a mess.
16. I think about sex all the time.
17. I have a large penis--9 or 10 inches long and pretty thick. One of my former girlfriends used to have a hard time handling it, but she also loved it. I don’t enjoy the fetishization of black dick in popular media and culture. I don’t need people speculating about whether I have a large dick. I do. End of story. Get over it.
18. I enjoy anal sex.
19. Sexuality is increasingly sacred in my life.
20. Being black and having a non-hetero reality is not something that many black people accept. Different people for some very interesting and bizarre reasons.
21. I like that people like my physical body. I show it off when I get the opportunity.
22. I have always liked nerdy girls. There is something about eating a nerdy girl's pussy that I love. It’s almost like they just don’t expect it, but they totally love it.
23. I used to love masturbating outside.
24. I cannot understand why I never made out with my best friend from high school. He was hot, fit, and he was also attracted to me. very strange. I don’t think either of us really knew what to do about it, but many people thought we used to hook up.
25. I am very cautious about STDs these days. I’ve been lucky and don’t want to rely on that. “No glove, no love.”
2. I am attracted to men and women, though I do not affiliate with the politics or socialization of a queer identity.
3. Most women I know find me attractive and a few of them have gotten scared by the idea that I am also attracted to men.
4. I lost my virginity at a graduation party. I was really drunk.
5. I’ve had sexual intercourse with 9 different people, all of them women.
6. The best handjob I’ve ever had was from a man.
7. I love eating pussy. I could do it for hours.
8. The majority of “muscled” gay men are not remotely attractive to me. As an athlete, I like well-proportioned men, rather than the muscle-heads that just lift weights and wear tight t-shirts.
9. Large penises and round bottoms turn me on. If women naturally had penises, I’d probably go for that.
10. I had sex with two different women on the same day. Didn’t use a condom either time. Not the coolest. One was my then-girlfriend and the other was the girl I was cheating on her with. I don’t do such foolish things anymore.
11. I’ve simultaneously made out with two different girls twice. The first time was in 8th grade. They both let me finger them under a blanket for a while. We all just giggled. The second time was in 10th grade, but everyone got naked. It was fun, but the two girls hated each other afterward.
12. I am very attracted to androgynously athletic women. Not manly, but tall, lean, fit women are very sexy.
13. My former girlfriend and I used to play with dildos often. We both enjoyed it a great deal.
14. Pornography has played a large role in developing my sexuality. Too large a role, but more sex-positive, feminist porn is really changing my life. I first saw porn magazines around age 9 or 10. I didn’t know what it was. Maybe around 11 or 12 I started to really get it... and i liked it.
15. I started masturbating around age 11 and ejaculated for the first time around age 12. It scared me. I just rubbed my penis into the bed until I came. That first ejaculation wasn’t so good because it made a mess.
16. I think about sex all the time.
17. I have a large penis--9 or 10 inches long and pretty thick. One of my former girlfriends used to have a hard time handling it, but she also loved it. I don’t enjoy the fetishization of black dick in popular media and culture. I don’t need people speculating about whether I have a large dick. I do. End of story. Get over it.
18. I enjoy anal sex.
19. Sexuality is increasingly sacred in my life.
20. Being black and having a non-hetero reality is not something that many black people accept. Different people for some very interesting and bizarre reasons.
21. I like that people like my physical body. I show it off when I get the opportunity.
22. I have always liked nerdy girls. There is something about eating a nerdy girl's pussy that I love. It’s almost like they just don’t expect it, but they totally love it.
23. I used to love masturbating outside.
24. I cannot understand why I never made out with my best friend from high school. He was hot, fit, and he was also attracted to me. very strange. I don’t think either of us really knew what to do about it, but many people thought we used to hook up.
25. I am very cautious about STDs these days. I’ve been lucky and don’t want to rely on that. “No glove, no love.”
Saturday, January 8, 2011
1. I'm a bi/25 year old female.
2. I've been bi from a very early age.
3. I've only experimented with one girl.
4. I have been in only a few relationships. All have been with males.
5. I can't remember the first time I masturbated. Guess I've done it forever.
6. I only know two ways to masturbate and neither involve penetration.
7. I never came to acceptance of being bi until after college.
8. I was very young when I experimented with a girl.
9. The first time I had sex was in college.
10. When I masturbate I usually visualize female on female. Though I do occasionally fantasize about being dominated by a male and recently discovered male/male sometimes does it for me.
11. I love reading erotica. I also love reading mature fan-fiction.
12. My favorite fan-fiction is Harry Potter-based. My favorite pairings are Hermione/Draco, Hermione/Snape, Harry/Draco, and I recently found a really good Draco/Ron.
13. I masturbate several times a week.
14. Most of the time I masturbate to relax. Other times it's because I woke up from a good dream.
15. I have been having more and more sexual dreams about females.
16. I'm really attracted to men who have long hair.
17. If a guy has really pretty eyes I am dangerously hooked.
18. My first real crush on a girl was in college. Think I admitted it to my at the time boyfriend.
19. I actually like to be dominated during sex. Not something I expected.
20. I have a fear of being tied up. I hate losing so much control and being so vulnerable.
21. My favorite thing on a male will be his eyes. They make me melt. My favorite thing on a female are the shape and swell of the breast.
22. Only three people close to me know that I am bi.
23. I'm attracted to redheads... male or female.
24. I've never kissed a girl but I wonder how it is.
25. I would love to experience taking a guy with a strap-on.
2. I've been bi from a very early age.
3. I've only experimented with one girl.
4. I have been in only a few relationships. All have been with males.
5. I can't remember the first time I masturbated. Guess I've done it forever.
6. I only know two ways to masturbate and neither involve penetration.
7. I never came to acceptance of being bi until after college.
8. I was very young when I experimented with a girl.
9. The first time I had sex was in college.
10. When I masturbate I usually visualize female on female. Though I do occasionally fantasize about being dominated by a male and recently discovered male/male sometimes does it for me.
11. I love reading erotica. I also love reading mature fan-fiction.
12. My favorite fan-fiction is Harry Potter-based. My favorite pairings are Hermione/Draco, Hermione/Snape, Harry/Draco, and I recently found a really good Draco/Ron.
13. I masturbate several times a week.
14. Most of the time I masturbate to relax. Other times it's because I woke up from a good dream.
15. I have been having more and more sexual dreams about females.
16. I'm really attracted to men who have long hair.
17. If a guy has really pretty eyes I am dangerously hooked.
18. My first real crush on a girl was in college. Think I admitted it to my at the time boyfriend.
19. I actually like to be dominated during sex. Not something I expected.
20. I have a fear of being tied up. I hate losing so much control and being so vulnerable.
21. My favorite thing on a male will be his eyes. They make me melt. My favorite thing on a female are the shape and swell of the breast.
22. Only three people close to me know that I am bi.
23. I'm attracted to redheads... male or female.
24. I've never kissed a girl but I wonder how it is.
25. I would love to experience taking a guy with a strap-on.
Friday, January 7, 2011
1. I'm 41. I was married when I was 25 and widowed at 38. Since then it's as if my whole sexual identity has changed and I've played around trying things I'd never done before. I don't have a regular partner now but I enjoy sex and I let myself have it as often as I want, when I can find someone.
2. My first time was when I was only just 15. We both went to a group at a YMCA and eventually got thrown out for too much kissing. After that we went on getting together. He was 18. He really liked me but he wanted to be having full sex and he was worried I was too young. He thought we should finish. I knew he didn't really want to. I decided I was ready, old enough to make up my own mind, and I'd rather lose my cherry than lose him so I went to his place one rainy day and made him an offer. He accepted.
3. Before that we'd touched each other a lot but never been naked together. He used to touch my breasts under my clothes and I'd never felt anything so exciting. I was shaking the first time he undressed me. He was very kind and gentle and even though it hurt I was really happy. He was too. After, I knew I'd been right. I was really, really ready. And it got better, too.
4. We used to talk a lot in bed as well as exploring each other and it was a really good way to begin. I got a lot of confidence and I think if you have that with your first you can take the bad times when they come later. We talked about all the things I could never talk about with my parents. That's fantastic when you're in your mid teens, in love, and naked in bed with your first lover. I always like to take it slow and talk while I'm getting it on with someone. Words can be a huge turn-on. If they're the right ones.
5. We did it out of doors a lot in summer. I've never felt anything as sensual as a warm wind over my naked skin and him playing with me. Sometimes I still go out and lie naked in the sun and wind. Sometimes, even, with a man. Or a woman.
6. I masturbate more days than not. I use my fingers or a toy and I've got a collection of those. Sometimes I do dp with them though I've never done it for real. That can blow me away. It's one of my big fantasies to do it although I don't know if I'd ever meet two guys I could trust, who were both up for it, at the same time.
7. I like to strip in front of the mirror. Slowly. While I touch myself. Is that narcissism? Don't know, don't care.
8. I like being looked at. Naked. What I've learned is that people like confident women who like being looked at and don't care, they think it's hot. And I like that. It gets me going.
9. I've modelled for life classes and sometimes afterwards I've gone home with one of the men. Or a couple of times with one of the women. I can always tell the ones while I'm sitting there. Back at their place I like to pose for them, in a way that shows off everything. They have to look at me for a long time, and maybe sketch me, before I let them touch. I like to turn and move and feel their eyes on my flesh.
10. I didn't go with a woman until after my husband died. I wanted sex but somehow it didn't seem possible with another man, not for a while. So one day I was round at a friend's and feeling both weepy and hot and she started to give me a cuddle. I'd had a couple of glasses of wine and I just went with it. She told me she'd been attracted to me for a long time. Actually I got a lot of that after he died. Men I'd thought of as just our really close friends started to come on to me. I didn't always understand what was happening at first. When I did, I felt complimented and insulted at the same time. As if all it was about was not having someone to fuck. But with her it was ok and somehow not like betraying my husband because it was with a woman.
11. I think for women younger than me, the idea of going with another woman is easier to cope with. When I was growing up no-one talked about it and you felt somehow bad if you even thought about it. If I hadn't been widowed I don't think I'd ever have been open to it; but that changed so many things. I had to start all over again when I hadn't expected to, and all my feelings about my body and my sexuality were different from the first time around. Accepting my husband's death, accepting that he'd never strip me, touch me, penetrate me, come in me again, was like diving into a deep pool and coming out as someone else. Letting that woman do the things she did to me was like diving in again, only it was easier the second time.
12. I really, really like the messy bits of sex. My juice, a man's sperm - I always would rather have him come in me without a condom though of course it isn't always wise - a woman's wetness on my hand or my face. Even blood, in season. It's earthy and real. Life flowing between my / her legs.
13. I'll sometimes get flashbacks to things I felt intensely as a child, and then forgot. The sensuality of things around me. Warm winds over my skin. Playing in waves, feeling the water splash up my thighs. Holding a warm loaf of bread to my stomach. I didn't know, then, what it would become. Looking back now, I think it was me getting ready.
14. Once, when I was about 6, I peed in my knickers. Deliberately. It felt bad and daring and exciting and I loved the hotness and the rank smell of it and the feeling of release and how it went on and on. All things I got to love about sex later.
15. Horses: oh, horses! Their strong bodies, shiny coats, beautiful eyes, their rough hot breath, the way they smell... and the males when you see their erections. I never rode but as a teenager I used to fantasize sitting astride one, bareback, naked, my legs gripping his body.
16. Maybe that's why one of my favorite positions is astride my lover. Also my husband was a very big man and I loved riding him. Feeling both in control and that I was on top of someone powerful enough to throw me and do what he wanted with me. Is that what riding a horse is like?
17. I like to give the breast to another woman. To see her face nuzzle into it, feel her mouthing it. To cradle her. Both of us naked. So much tenderness.
18. After really good sex, I sometimes get a kind of wild energy, craziness. I can do hand-stands, or run naked out into the garden in the rain.
19. The first man I made love with after my husband was a stranger. It felt important that it shouldn't be anyone I knew and also I'd never done that before - just gone with someone I'd just met - and I felt like I needed to do something different. We met at a conference and I went back to his hotel room. I pretended to myself that I was a prostitute that he'd picked up. It helped me to go through with it. I never told him that.
20. When I married, I put my sexuality into the marriage. Pretending to be a whore is a way of taking it back. I still do that sometimes, to re-affirm that. Though I don't tell the person I'm with.
21. I don't like abusive language from men but I get hot if it's a woman. A woman calling me slut or bitch or whore can get me to come really hard. Only she has to be gentle with it. I don't do aggression.
22. I do have times, maybe for as long as a few weeks, when I feel completely non-sexual and then I come on again and get really sexy. Needy. Needing to go and find someone.
23. I still sometimes get it on with the woman in no. 10. I feel like I lost my virginity again with her. She's married but her husband doesn't know and I like the secrecy, the hiding, the subterfuge - pretending we're going to go out together but just staying in at mine and getting naked together.
24. One woman artist did a really fantastic nude study of me (in her home, not at the class). I sat for her a few times and when it was finished she kind of made it obvious that I could have it if she could have me. So I did what she wanted. I still can't decide if it counted as selling my body but thinking like that about myself gets me excited and often looking at the drawing I do too.
25. Friends have started to tell me I should find another 'life partner' but I'm different now from when I married. I might go back to monogamy one day but for now I like the unpredictability and the variety of being with different people and never being sure who the next one will be.
2. My first time was when I was only just 15. We both went to a group at a YMCA and eventually got thrown out for too much kissing. After that we went on getting together. He was 18. He really liked me but he wanted to be having full sex and he was worried I was too young. He thought we should finish. I knew he didn't really want to. I decided I was ready, old enough to make up my own mind, and I'd rather lose my cherry than lose him so I went to his place one rainy day and made him an offer. He accepted.
3. Before that we'd touched each other a lot but never been naked together. He used to touch my breasts under my clothes and I'd never felt anything so exciting. I was shaking the first time he undressed me. He was very kind and gentle and even though it hurt I was really happy. He was too. After, I knew I'd been right. I was really, really ready. And it got better, too.
4. We used to talk a lot in bed as well as exploring each other and it was a really good way to begin. I got a lot of confidence and I think if you have that with your first you can take the bad times when they come later. We talked about all the things I could never talk about with my parents. That's fantastic when you're in your mid teens, in love, and naked in bed with your first lover. I always like to take it slow and talk while I'm getting it on with someone. Words can be a huge turn-on. If they're the right ones.
5. We did it out of doors a lot in summer. I've never felt anything as sensual as a warm wind over my naked skin and him playing with me. Sometimes I still go out and lie naked in the sun and wind. Sometimes, even, with a man. Or a woman.
6. I masturbate more days than not. I use my fingers or a toy and I've got a collection of those. Sometimes I do dp with them though I've never done it for real. That can blow me away. It's one of my big fantasies to do it although I don't know if I'd ever meet two guys I could trust, who were both up for it, at the same time.
7. I like to strip in front of the mirror. Slowly. While I touch myself. Is that narcissism? Don't know, don't care.
8. I like being looked at. Naked. What I've learned is that people like confident women who like being looked at and don't care, they think it's hot. And I like that. It gets me going.
9. I've modelled for life classes and sometimes afterwards I've gone home with one of the men. Or a couple of times with one of the women. I can always tell the ones while I'm sitting there. Back at their place I like to pose for them, in a way that shows off everything. They have to look at me for a long time, and maybe sketch me, before I let them touch. I like to turn and move and feel their eyes on my flesh.
10. I didn't go with a woman until after my husband died. I wanted sex but somehow it didn't seem possible with another man, not for a while. So one day I was round at a friend's and feeling both weepy and hot and she started to give me a cuddle. I'd had a couple of glasses of wine and I just went with it. She told me she'd been attracted to me for a long time. Actually I got a lot of that after he died. Men I'd thought of as just our really close friends started to come on to me. I didn't always understand what was happening at first. When I did, I felt complimented and insulted at the same time. As if all it was about was not having someone to fuck. But with her it was ok and somehow not like betraying my husband because it was with a woman.
11. I think for women younger than me, the idea of going with another woman is easier to cope with. When I was growing up no-one talked about it and you felt somehow bad if you even thought about it. If I hadn't been widowed I don't think I'd ever have been open to it; but that changed so many things. I had to start all over again when I hadn't expected to, and all my feelings about my body and my sexuality were different from the first time around. Accepting my husband's death, accepting that he'd never strip me, touch me, penetrate me, come in me again, was like diving into a deep pool and coming out as someone else. Letting that woman do the things she did to me was like diving in again, only it was easier the second time.
12. I really, really like the messy bits of sex. My juice, a man's sperm - I always would rather have him come in me without a condom though of course it isn't always wise - a woman's wetness on my hand or my face. Even blood, in season. It's earthy and real. Life flowing between my / her legs.
13. I'll sometimes get flashbacks to things I felt intensely as a child, and then forgot. The sensuality of things around me. Warm winds over my skin. Playing in waves, feeling the water splash up my thighs. Holding a warm loaf of bread to my stomach. I didn't know, then, what it would become. Looking back now, I think it was me getting ready.
14. Once, when I was about 6, I peed in my knickers. Deliberately. It felt bad and daring and exciting and I loved the hotness and the rank smell of it and the feeling of release and how it went on and on. All things I got to love about sex later.
15. Horses: oh, horses! Their strong bodies, shiny coats, beautiful eyes, their rough hot breath, the way they smell... and the males when you see their erections. I never rode but as a teenager I used to fantasize sitting astride one, bareback, naked, my legs gripping his body.
16. Maybe that's why one of my favorite positions is astride my lover. Also my husband was a very big man and I loved riding him. Feeling both in control and that I was on top of someone powerful enough to throw me and do what he wanted with me. Is that what riding a horse is like?
17. I like to give the breast to another woman. To see her face nuzzle into it, feel her mouthing it. To cradle her. Both of us naked. So much tenderness.
18. After really good sex, I sometimes get a kind of wild energy, craziness. I can do hand-stands, or run naked out into the garden in the rain.
19. The first man I made love with after my husband was a stranger. It felt important that it shouldn't be anyone I knew and also I'd never done that before - just gone with someone I'd just met - and I felt like I needed to do something different. We met at a conference and I went back to his hotel room. I pretended to myself that I was a prostitute that he'd picked up. It helped me to go through with it. I never told him that.
20. When I married, I put my sexuality into the marriage. Pretending to be a whore is a way of taking it back. I still do that sometimes, to re-affirm that. Though I don't tell the person I'm with.
21. I don't like abusive language from men but I get hot if it's a woman. A woman calling me slut or bitch or whore can get me to come really hard. Only she has to be gentle with it. I don't do aggression.
22. I do have times, maybe for as long as a few weeks, when I feel completely non-sexual and then I come on again and get really sexy. Needy. Needing to go and find someone.
23. I still sometimes get it on with the woman in no. 10. I feel like I lost my virginity again with her. She's married but her husband doesn't know and I like the secrecy, the hiding, the subterfuge - pretending we're going to go out together but just staying in at mine and getting naked together.
24. One woman artist did a really fantastic nude study of me (in her home, not at the class). I sat for her a few times and when it was finished she kind of made it obvious that I could have it if she could have me. So I did what she wanted. I still can't decide if it counted as selling my body but thinking like that about myself gets me excited and often looking at the drawing I do too.
25. Friends have started to tell me I should find another 'life partner' but I'm different now from when I married. I might go back to monogamy one day but for now I like the unpredictability and the variety of being with different people and never being sure who the next one will be.
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