Saturday, April 28, 2012
1. I am a 41-year-old cisgender female. At various times, I’ve identified as straight, lesbian, bisexual and asexual, but always heteroromantic and, most recently, as demiromantic.
2. I masturbate almost daily, usually to audio of guys getting themselves off or to pictures of guys with chest and body hair.
3. When looking for pictures of men to get me off, it’s always to regular guys who submit their own pictures to sites online – no porn stars, no models. I’m more turned on by bear types with salt-and-pepper hair. I like looking at Adonises in their 20s, but they’re not the ones about whom I fantasize.
4. Okay, no porn stars except for Manuel Ferrara and James Deen. It’s not their bodies, either. It’s their enthusiasm for the girls they’re with and all the kissing. I got off on a scene that could easily have turned creepy and violent in the hands of another actor because Deen was looking the girl in the eye and whispering in her ear. He looked like he wanted to get off but he also looked like he wanted her to get off.
5. At this age, I have never felt more confident in and willing to explore my sexuality. At the same time, I have never felt less desirable. The men around me always have younger, more beautiful choices. As I got closer to 40, the tone of the male gaze definitely changed. I am treated in a more maternal manner. In addition, I live in Southern California, where there are always younger, more beautiful choices. I think more and more often that I may have to permanently put away the sex and relationship part of my life. Sometimes I think I deserve it for the way I’ve behaved in the past.
6. When I was 10, my dad told me that I was fat. He never apologized or insulted me again. He didn’t compliment me. It was the one time he turned to notice me and that’s what came out. I was shocked at the matter-of-fact way in which he communicated that my worth was in my looks, not in being smart or confident or musically talented or eager to learn more in school, all of which I was at that age. The intent behind the insult is what I remember when I look in the mirror.
7. I was molested when I was 5 and 6 by a teenaged male cousin who lived with us. He would sit me on his lap and reach between my legs. I didn’t know what was going on but it made me uncomfortable. I had no one to tell. My dad was an abusive alcoholic and this piece of crap was his favorite nephew. My mother was clinically depressed. They fought constantly and I felt that I wanted to protect them from more pain. I never told anyone. My biggest regret is that, in remaining silent, he probably went on to molest other little girls, maybe even his own daughter.
8. Beauty and desire, Part 1: There’s been only one time that I felt absolutely beautiful. I had just walked out of a salon and my hair was looking good, child. I was wearing a t-shirt and jeans on a warm, sunny day and I was happy. I don’t remember what he said. Maybe it was just an exclamation. I turned to see who had spoken and I saw a normal, decent-seeming, everyday guy standing by his open car door. He looked at me as if I was an especially delicious cheeseburger...
9. I have had one LTR. It was with a man. It lasted for 6 years. I have had 3 other male sex partners and one female sex partner.
10. It’s been about 5 years since I last had sex. I’ve been clinically depressed for all of the years since. The depression came first.
11. My favorite sex partner was a guy at work. We had sex on a balcony of the building at night, in his boss’ office and in the parking garage, among other places. He was a really fun person, enthusiastic about sex, enthusiastic about seeing me and a great kisser.
12. I like men who are my age. You guys get mellower and funnier. Kinder, too. You seem to become more introspective and thoughtful. I like that. See also: salt-and-pepper hair.
13. I want to be adored during sex. I would like for you to make me feel like you think I’m beautiful.
14. I’ve never used sex as a bargaining chip and I never will. You deserve to be adored, too, even when we’re mad at each other.
15. I stopped seeking relationships when I realized that all I did was cheat. I cheated on my boyfriend with the guy at work who cheated on his then-girlfriend to be with me. I slept with a married man and the third guy cheated on his girl, too. The woman was separated from her wife. It’s a shameful thing to only have cheating relationships. For what it’s worth, I figured out that I was trying to recreate the emotional turmoil that I thought I hated in my childhood home.
16. Beauty and desire, Part 2: He looked at me as if I was an especially delicious cheeseburger. He seemed hungry enough to betray his want but disciplined enough to just admire it. He had a look of wonder on his face that I will never forget. For the only time in my life, I did the thing where I looked at him, looked down, smiled and looked back at him. I couldn’t help it. It just happens, I guess. Then I kept walking. I wish you all the same feeling of lightness and well-being that I felt that day.
17. If I could go back in time and talk to myself in my 20s, I’d tell myself to get out there and start having all the sex. I’d point out that that I was not fat, that it would be, indeed, the best I’d ever look, and that making mistakes and having my heart broken would be worth it. Trying to live up to someone else’s standards of religious virtue or feminine modesty is not worth it. Not for me, anyway.
18. I lived in San Francisco for a long time. I did not identify as anything other than straight for the entire time I lived there and I did not have anything other than hetero sex. Stupid!
19. As a teenager, I unintentionally presented as a butch girl. I should have embraced it.
20. I’ve never performed a lap dance, but I’d love to try.
21. Anal sex is okay. However, I loved doing it with my ex because he was really turned on by it. Seeing him that excited was exciting for me.
22. My breasts are big. They’re real. They sag. Too bad. I’ve tried to feel better about them by checking out photos of similar-looking boobs on girls posted to body acceptance and sex-related blogs and websites. I don’t like them any more on other girls than I like them on me. I hate that I’m so critical and harsh with them and myself.
23. I’d be mortified to be thought of as a MILF or a cougar. It makes me a predator. Those classifications also exclude me from the possibility of an age-appropriate relationship. It’s as if the only way to deal with a woman in her 40s who still wishes to be a sexual being is to imply that she must also be depraved in some way for not settling down into cronehood.
24. I love drag queens. I’m 5’8” and I love to wear heels. I tower over my fellow tiny Mexicans. They try to make me feel that I’m not feminine when I choose to be so tall and so noticeable. The drag queen clawing her way out of me replies, “Eat it, eat it, eat it – ow!”
25. I don’t know if it’s still done in Mexico but the most fun-sounding form of flirting comes from there. The guys use hilarious lines on girls called piropos. My favorite is, “¡Ay, tantas curvas y yo sin frenos!” or, “So many curves (on the girl’s body, obvs) and me without brakes!” The faux lament is just so funny to me. I’d talk to that guy!
2. I masturbate almost daily, usually to audio of guys getting themselves off or to pictures of guys with chest and body hair.
3. When looking for pictures of men to get me off, it’s always to regular guys who submit their own pictures to sites online – no porn stars, no models. I’m more turned on by bear types with salt-and-pepper hair. I like looking at Adonises in their 20s, but they’re not the ones about whom I fantasize.
4. Okay, no porn stars except for Manuel Ferrara and James Deen. It’s not their bodies, either. It’s their enthusiasm for the girls they’re with and all the kissing. I got off on a scene that could easily have turned creepy and violent in the hands of another actor because Deen was looking the girl in the eye and whispering in her ear. He looked like he wanted to get off but he also looked like he wanted her to get off.
5. At this age, I have never felt more confident in and willing to explore my sexuality. At the same time, I have never felt less desirable. The men around me always have younger, more beautiful choices. As I got closer to 40, the tone of the male gaze definitely changed. I am treated in a more maternal manner. In addition, I live in Southern California, where there are always younger, more beautiful choices. I think more and more often that I may have to permanently put away the sex and relationship part of my life. Sometimes I think I deserve it for the way I’ve behaved in the past.
6. When I was 10, my dad told me that I was fat. He never apologized or insulted me again. He didn’t compliment me. It was the one time he turned to notice me and that’s what came out. I was shocked at the matter-of-fact way in which he communicated that my worth was in my looks, not in being smart or confident or musically talented or eager to learn more in school, all of which I was at that age. The intent behind the insult is what I remember when I look in the mirror.
7. I was molested when I was 5 and 6 by a teenaged male cousin who lived with us. He would sit me on his lap and reach between my legs. I didn’t know what was going on but it made me uncomfortable. I had no one to tell. My dad was an abusive alcoholic and this piece of crap was his favorite nephew. My mother was clinically depressed. They fought constantly and I felt that I wanted to protect them from more pain. I never told anyone. My biggest regret is that, in remaining silent, he probably went on to molest other little girls, maybe even his own daughter.
8. Beauty and desire, Part 1: There’s been only one time that I felt absolutely beautiful. I had just walked out of a salon and my hair was looking good, child. I was wearing a t-shirt and jeans on a warm, sunny day and I was happy. I don’t remember what he said. Maybe it was just an exclamation. I turned to see who had spoken and I saw a normal, decent-seeming, everyday guy standing by his open car door. He looked at me as if I was an especially delicious cheeseburger...
9. I have had one LTR. It was with a man. It lasted for 6 years. I have had 3 other male sex partners and one female sex partner.
10. It’s been about 5 years since I last had sex. I’ve been clinically depressed for all of the years since. The depression came first.
11. My favorite sex partner was a guy at work. We had sex on a balcony of the building at night, in his boss’ office and in the parking garage, among other places. He was a really fun person, enthusiastic about sex, enthusiastic about seeing me and a great kisser.
12. I like men who are my age. You guys get mellower and funnier. Kinder, too. You seem to become more introspective and thoughtful. I like that. See also: salt-and-pepper hair.
13. I want to be adored during sex. I would like for you to make me feel like you think I’m beautiful.
14. I’ve never used sex as a bargaining chip and I never will. You deserve to be adored, too, even when we’re mad at each other.
15. I stopped seeking relationships when I realized that all I did was cheat. I cheated on my boyfriend with the guy at work who cheated on his then-girlfriend to be with me. I slept with a married man and the third guy cheated on his girl, too. The woman was separated from her wife. It’s a shameful thing to only have cheating relationships. For what it’s worth, I figured out that I was trying to recreate the emotional turmoil that I thought I hated in my childhood home.
16. Beauty and desire, Part 2: He looked at me as if I was an especially delicious cheeseburger. He seemed hungry enough to betray his want but disciplined enough to just admire it. He had a look of wonder on his face that I will never forget. For the only time in my life, I did the thing where I looked at him, looked down, smiled and looked back at him. I couldn’t help it. It just happens, I guess. Then I kept walking. I wish you all the same feeling of lightness and well-being that I felt that day.
17. If I could go back in time and talk to myself in my 20s, I’d tell myself to get out there and start having all the sex. I’d point out that that I was not fat, that it would be, indeed, the best I’d ever look, and that making mistakes and having my heart broken would be worth it. Trying to live up to someone else’s standards of religious virtue or feminine modesty is not worth it. Not for me, anyway.
18. I lived in San Francisco for a long time. I did not identify as anything other than straight for the entire time I lived there and I did not have anything other than hetero sex. Stupid!
19. As a teenager, I unintentionally presented as a butch girl. I should have embraced it.
20. I’ve never performed a lap dance, but I’d love to try.
21. Anal sex is okay. However, I loved doing it with my ex because he was really turned on by it. Seeing him that excited was exciting for me.
22. My breasts are big. They’re real. They sag. Too bad. I’ve tried to feel better about them by checking out photos of similar-looking boobs on girls posted to body acceptance and sex-related blogs and websites. I don’t like them any more on other girls than I like them on me. I hate that I’m so critical and harsh with them and myself.
23. I’d be mortified to be thought of as a MILF or a cougar. It makes me a predator. Those classifications also exclude me from the possibility of an age-appropriate relationship. It’s as if the only way to deal with a woman in her 40s who still wishes to be a sexual being is to imply that she must also be depraved in some way for not settling down into cronehood.
24. I love drag queens. I’m 5’8” and I love to wear heels. I tower over my fellow tiny Mexicans. They try to make me feel that I’m not feminine when I choose to be so tall and so noticeable. The drag queen clawing her way out of me replies, “Eat it, eat it, eat it – ow!”
25. I don’t know if it’s still done in Mexico but the most fun-sounding form of flirting comes from there. The guys use hilarious lines on girls called piropos. My favorite is, “¡Ay, tantas curvas y yo sin frenos!” or, “So many curves (on the girl’s body, obvs) and me without brakes!” The faux lament is just so funny to me. I’d talk to that guy!
Thursday, April 26, 2012
1. I am a 21-year-old cis-female who identifies as bisexual.
2. I see my sexuality as a net of experiences, desires, and practices (both unconscious and deliberate). So, this list will be a mix of past experiences, confessions and introspection. In no way is this a complete portrait of my sexuality.
3. I became sexually active at 15 with my first serious boyfriend. Since then, I have slept with 8 men and 6 women, and made out (i.e. kissing, petting, etc.) with countless others.
4. While my first PIV experience was at 15, I had been somewhat sexually active for over a year before that with a male friend. We were pretty much "friends with benefits," indulging in everything but actual intercourse. In reality, it was really just me giving him blow jobs whenever we were alone together, and then sometimes he would finger me. In retrospect, I realize this relationship/arrangement was not satisfying sexually or emotionally for me. I felt I had to be sexually available to him at all times - my own pleasure/wants/needs be damned!
5. I think I use sex as a means of bonding with people, whether it be having sex with them, or even just casually discussing it between however many people are around. I like hearing about other people’s experiences and desires. It allows me to feel closer to them and makes me realize we’re all not really that different. I like that.
6. Slightly related to #4, I think I also see sex as a way of keeping someone interested in me. If I give them sex then they’ll keep coming back, so in this way I also use it as a measure of my own self-worth. I have had my feelings hurt/self-esteem damaged many times in the past through doing this. I’m working on not doing that anymore. I’m worth more than that.
7. I’ve known I was bisexual since I was about 12 or 13. I read a sealed section in Cosmopolitan about lesbians and was incredibly turned on by all the stories. I decided that this must mean I was attracted to women. Knowing I was also attracted to men (or really, boys, at the time), I came to the conclusion (rather easily, it seems in hindsight) that I must be bisexual. I had no problems with this. I liked that it made me slightly unusual.
8. Now, at 21, I now realize that while bisexual best describes my sexual history and desires, I’m definitely on the more heterosexual side of the scale. I fall in love with men more easily. I’m attracted to women and hope to have more sexual experiences/possibly even relationships in the future, but ultimately I see the bigger, more important Significant Others in my life being male, as they have been in the past.
9. Over the last 6 years of being sexually active I’ve become much more in tune with what my sexual needs are and how to get them within sexual and romantic relationships. With my first boyfriend, for instance, whenever he’d go down on me I’d just start moaning, not because it felt good, but because I thought that’s what girls did when they got eaten out – it was supposed to feel OMGHOLYSHITBALLS AMAZING, right? Wrong. I think exposure to mainstream porn may have tweaked my expectations a bit there. But now I’m a bit more apt at expressing myself "in the bedroom" and also getting feedback from my lover. I want to be a good lover and experience good sex myself, so honest communication is key.
10. I finally started being able to orgasm from oral about 6 months ago. A boy who was a good friend and FWB managed to make me come through a combination of fingering and teasing my clit with his tongue. Honestly, best feeling ever. I woke him up the next morning to get him to do it to me again. I was so excited that I could now come from oral – up until then I’d always just seen oral as something like a slow, gentle massage; a nice feeling but nothing to wet my panties over. Now it’s totally different, and I am so, so grateful.
11. I love the feeling of a guy coming inside me. The feeling as he collapses on me slightly and pulses into me is indescribable.
12. My first experience with a girl was with someone I had just met and wasn’t entirely attracted to. It left me questioning my sexuality and smelling my fingers for days. I’ve since had more positive lesbian experiences, and count a few as "most memorable."
13. I’m tempted to anonymously submit nudes of myself to amateur websites/tumblrs. Maybe one day.
14. I cheated on my first boyfriend with another guy who I’d been interested in for a while before my boyfriend came along. I caused a lot of pain in that first relationship, purely out of my own selfish want to keep boys interested in me (read: hook up) while also having a boyfriend. Eventually it all came back to bite me in the ass when my boyfriend had had enough and dumped me for a friend of ours who treated him better. Nevertheless, I don’t think I’ll ever cheat on a significant other again.
15. Multiple boys that I’ve had relationships or flings with have moved on rather quickly or "picked someone else over me." Nothing hurts more than feeling like you’re not good enough.
16. I’m currently in a new relationship. It’s long distance at the moment, which is temporary, but has actually contributed to us developing a strong emotional-sexual bond, rather than a physical-sexual bond. We discuss our sexual desires a lot online, and flirt and tease each other, and swap photos and videos of ourselves, which is exciting. I feel very comfortable sexually with this boy and ready to explore my sexuality a lot more once the whole distance thing ceases to be a problem.
17. I would love to try pegging.
18. I love having my ass spanked.
19. I generally feel more comfortable taking on the submissive role when it comes to sex. I think this is because it means my partner has to "pursue me," in a sense, pulling me, pushing me, taking control. I like being pursued because for most of high school I felt I was the fat, unattractive friend, and to be pursued, even now as an adult, makes me feel good.
20. Surprisingly (or perhaps not surprisingly at all), I find most men I attract end up preferring me to take on the dominant role once we get into the bedroom. This sort of bothered me at first, as I couldn’t figure out what signals I was putting out in order to continually attract guys with this preference. Recently, however, I’ve started feeling more comfortable with the idea of asserting sexual dominance, particularly with my current boyfriend. I realize now I don’t have to "overact" and take on a full-on dominatrix role in order to be the dominant one. I now look forward to pursuing a more natural mode of control in my sexual interactions with others.
21. I think I started masturbating between the ages of 11-12. This coincided firstly with my discovery of the sealed sections in Cosmo and, slightly later, my discovery of internet porn. I started with what I now realize is a very common method of achieving an orgasm: rubbing against a pillow/soft toy/etc.
22. My first orgasm was achieved while rubbing myself against my giant stuffed teddy as I watched some porn online. I... didn’t know what had just happened. I knew about orgasms, but I thought that because I hadn’t been touching my vagina with my hands that it wasn’t a proper orgasm. I soon learned to accept that what I felt was an orgasm, and I kept doing it this way (rubbing against something) until I was about 14-15 when I started using my hands instead.
23. Through my experiences with "friends with benefits" arrangements and open relationships, I’d say that they don’t really work for me. I get jealous easily, so they only really work if I’m able to sleep around while the other half of the relationship doesn’t, which isn’t fair. For me, sex is very much intertwined with emotional attachment and intimacy. If I’m having repeated sexual encounters with one person, I can almost guarantee that I’ll become attached to them in some way, so it hurts when they sleep around too – I take it as a sign that I am not an adequate sexual partner (and depending on how strong my attachment is, I then take it as a further sign that I’m not good enough in a general sense).
24. Over the past 6 months or so, I’ve started becoming more accepting of my romantic tendencies. I spent a long time running from love, because I felt I wanted to be a "strong," "independent" woman. I ignored my true feelings and in the process got hurt... I’ve learned some difficult lessons the hard way, but ultimately I’m coming out on the other side stronger and wiser. The heart wants what the heart wants, and I’m going to honor that as best I can – honestly and within reason.
25. Sometimes I wonder if I’m not bisexual at all, and I’m just attracted to women that I want to look like. But then I remember what it feels like to have sex with a women and all doubt leaves my mind. Sexuality is a funny thing, for me. Sometimes it’s straightforward, sometimes it’s not. There are a lot of things I still don’t know.
2. I see my sexuality as a net of experiences, desires, and practices (both unconscious and deliberate). So, this list will be a mix of past experiences, confessions and introspection. In no way is this a complete portrait of my sexuality.
3. I became sexually active at 15 with my first serious boyfriend. Since then, I have slept with 8 men and 6 women, and made out (i.e. kissing, petting, etc.) with countless others.
4. While my first PIV experience was at 15, I had been somewhat sexually active for over a year before that with a male friend. We were pretty much "friends with benefits," indulging in everything but actual intercourse. In reality, it was really just me giving him blow jobs whenever we were alone together, and then sometimes he would finger me. In retrospect, I realize this relationship/arrangement was not satisfying sexually or emotionally for me. I felt I had to be sexually available to him at all times - my own pleasure/wants/needs be damned!
5. I think I use sex as a means of bonding with people, whether it be having sex with them, or even just casually discussing it between however many people are around. I like hearing about other people’s experiences and desires. It allows me to feel closer to them and makes me realize we’re all not really that different. I like that.
6. Slightly related to #4, I think I also see sex as a way of keeping someone interested in me. If I give them sex then they’ll keep coming back, so in this way I also use it as a measure of my own self-worth. I have had my feelings hurt/self-esteem damaged many times in the past through doing this. I’m working on not doing that anymore. I’m worth more than that.
7. I’ve known I was bisexual since I was about 12 or 13. I read a sealed section in Cosmopolitan about lesbians and was incredibly turned on by all the stories. I decided that this must mean I was attracted to women. Knowing I was also attracted to men (or really, boys, at the time), I came to the conclusion (rather easily, it seems in hindsight) that I must be bisexual. I had no problems with this. I liked that it made me slightly unusual.
8. Now, at 21, I now realize that while bisexual best describes my sexual history and desires, I’m definitely on the more heterosexual side of the scale. I fall in love with men more easily. I’m attracted to women and hope to have more sexual experiences/possibly even relationships in the future, but ultimately I see the bigger, more important Significant Others in my life being male, as they have been in the past.
9. Over the last 6 years of being sexually active I’ve become much more in tune with what my sexual needs are and how to get them within sexual and romantic relationships. With my first boyfriend, for instance, whenever he’d go down on me I’d just start moaning, not because it felt good, but because I thought that’s what girls did when they got eaten out – it was supposed to feel OMGHOLYSHITBALLS AMAZING, right? Wrong. I think exposure to mainstream porn may have tweaked my expectations a bit there. But now I’m a bit more apt at expressing myself "in the bedroom" and also getting feedback from my lover. I want to be a good lover and experience good sex myself, so honest communication is key.
10. I finally started being able to orgasm from oral about 6 months ago. A boy who was a good friend and FWB managed to make me come through a combination of fingering and teasing my clit with his tongue. Honestly, best feeling ever. I woke him up the next morning to get him to do it to me again. I was so excited that I could now come from oral – up until then I’d always just seen oral as something like a slow, gentle massage; a nice feeling but nothing to wet my panties over. Now it’s totally different, and I am so, so grateful.
11. I love the feeling of a guy coming inside me. The feeling as he collapses on me slightly and pulses into me is indescribable.
12. My first experience with a girl was with someone I had just met and wasn’t entirely attracted to. It left me questioning my sexuality and smelling my fingers for days. I’ve since had more positive lesbian experiences, and count a few as "most memorable."
13. I’m tempted to anonymously submit nudes of myself to amateur websites/tumblrs. Maybe one day.
14. I cheated on my first boyfriend with another guy who I’d been interested in for a while before my boyfriend came along. I caused a lot of pain in that first relationship, purely out of my own selfish want to keep boys interested in me (read: hook up) while also having a boyfriend. Eventually it all came back to bite me in the ass when my boyfriend had had enough and dumped me for a friend of ours who treated him better. Nevertheless, I don’t think I’ll ever cheat on a significant other again.
15. Multiple boys that I’ve had relationships or flings with have moved on rather quickly or "picked someone else over me." Nothing hurts more than feeling like you’re not good enough.
16. I’m currently in a new relationship. It’s long distance at the moment, which is temporary, but has actually contributed to us developing a strong emotional-sexual bond, rather than a physical-sexual bond. We discuss our sexual desires a lot online, and flirt and tease each other, and swap photos and videos of ourselves, which is exciting. I feel very comfortable sexually with this boy and ready to explore my sexuality a lot more once the whole distance thing ceases to be a problem.
17. I would love to try pegging.
18. I love having my ass spanked.
19. I generally feel more comfortable taking on the submissive role when it comes to sex. I think this is because it means my partner has to "pursue me," in a sense, pulling me, pushing me, taking control. I like being pursued because for most of high school I felt I was the fat, unattractive friend, and to be pursued, even now as an adult, makes me feel good.
20. Surprisingly (or perhaps not surprisingly at all), I find most men I attract end up preferring me to take on the dominant role once we get into the bedroom. This sort of bothered me at first, as I couldn’t figure out what signals I was putting out in order to continually attract guys with this preference. Recently, however, I’ve started feeling more comfortable with the idea of asserting sexual dominance, particularly with my current boyfriend. I realize now I don’t have to "overact" and take on a full-on dominatrix role in order to be the dominant one. I now look forward to pursuing a more natural mode of control in my sexual interactions with others.
21. I think I started masturbating between the ages of 11-12. This coincided firstly with my discovery of the sealed sections in Cosmo and, slightly later, my discovery of internet porn. I started with what I now realize is a very common method of achieving an orgasm: rubbing against a pillow/soft toy/etc.
22. My first orgasm was achieved while rubbing myself against my giant stuffed teddy as I watched some porn online. I... didn’t know what had just happened. I knew about orgasms, but I thought that because I hadn’t been touching my vagina with my hands that it wasn’t a proper orgasm. I soon learned to accept that what I felt was an orgasm, and I kept doing it this way (rubbing against something) until I was about 14-15 when I started using my hands instead.
23. Through my experiences with "friends with benefits" arrangements and open relationships, I’d say that they don’t really work for me. I get jealous easily, so they only really work if I’m able to sleep around while the other half of the relationship doesn’t, which isn’t fair. For me, sex is very much intertwined with emotional attachment and intimacy. If I’m having repeated sexual encounters with one person, I can almost guarantee that I’ll become attached to them in some way, so it hurts when they sleep around too – I take it as a sign that I am not an adequate sexual partner (and depending on how strong my attachment is, I then take it as a further sign that I’m not good enough in a general sense).
24. Over the past 6 months or so, I’ve started becoming more accepting of my romantic tendencies. I spent a long time running from love, because I felt I wanted to be a "strong," "independent" woman. I ignored my true feelings and in the process got hurt... I’ve learned some difficult lessons the hard way, but ultimately I’m coming out on the other side stronger and wiser. The heart wants what the heart wants, and I’m going to honor that as best I can – honestly and within reason.
25. Sometimes I wonder if I’m not bisexual at all, and I’m just attracted to women that I want to look like. But then I remember what it feels like to have sex with a women and all doubt leaves my mind. Sexuality is a funny thing, for me. Sometimes it’s straightforward, sometimes it’s not. There are a lot of things I still don’t know.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Thursday, April 19, 2012
1. I am a 23-year-old cis woman who is mostly straight.
2. My sexual past is not for the faint of heart. I was in a 5+-years-long relationship with a man who physically, emotionally, and sexually abused me.
3. Some sexual experiences with him I would now call rape.
4. I now have issues with trusting men and am not sure that I am capable of romantic love at the moment.
5. Compounding this trauma history is the fact that I have a sexual pain disorder. PIV intercourse (most penetration, really) is excruciatingly painful. My ex was well aware of this.
6. All treatments for the condition have failed to improve my experience in PIV intercourse. I am not emotionally capable of trying again right now.
7. For the past few years I preferred to identify as an asexual, and avoided sexual situations and physical contact with men.
8. I celebrate the fact that it’s been nearly a year since I broke up with my ex, and nearly 18 months since I’ve had sex. At the one-year anniversary, I had champagne.
9. I have barely been touched in the past year. I have either flinched or stiffened and pulled away when my guy friends have touched me, and my current (female) roommate is the least physically affectionate person I know.
10. It’s been nearly three years since I last truly wanted to be touched by a man.
11. I do not orgasm and never have. It’s really not surprising, given all of the above. When I masturbate, I just focus on feeling pleasure.
12. I rarely masturbate. It happens maybe once a month, and that’s the most frequent it’s ever happened.
13. I have a pretty low sex drive. This was true pretty early on in my past relationship, and I found out about the pain disorder. I think it’s partially tied to me being on birth control pills.
14. I am an avid reader of romance novels and fan-fiction. These have served as safe outlets for my sexuality for years.
15. I consider myself to be pretty--beautiful, even. I am tall and slender with medium-sized breasts and long legs. My green eyes are my favorite feature.
16. I absolutely want to have a sexual experience with a woman. I don’t think that it would progress beyond kissing and some fondling, but I want to know what it’s like.
17. With men, I am very attracted to broad shoulders. I want something to hold on to/bite down on. Strong arms and a large chest are also pretty desirable.
18. A man’s hands are also incredibly attractive to me. Strong, capable hands, with callouses.
19. In women, I think softness is physically attractive. I like soft medium-sized breasts, rounded hips, and she’d be smaller than me.
20. Eyes are the windows to the soul. Warm eyes for either gender are crucial for me to be turned on.
21. Turn-offs include jealousy, possessiveness, lying, and manipulation. I don’t know that I have any explicit physical turn-offs, more preferences.
22. I hooked up with a guy for the first time ever about a month ago. We just made out and felt each other up a little. No one was more surprised this happened than me.
23. In my mind, I refer to this person as Pandora. He kinda opened up my box of repressed sexual desire, personal attachment, and hope.
24. Thanks to him, I remembered/was reminded that I have a very sensitive neck.
25. He and I are going to be just friends. I was sad about this at first, but I’m actually relieved about it now. I’ve got a lot that I’m working through, and I was already feeling pressure about opening up about my past and my condition.
2. My sexual past is not for the faint of heart. I was in a 5+-years-long relationship with a man who physically, emotionally, and sexually abused me.
3. Some sexual experiences with him I would now call rape.
4. I now have issues with trusting men and am not sure that I am capable of romantic love at the moment.
5. Compounding this trauma history is the fact that I have a sexual pain disorder. PIV intercourse (most penetration, really) is excruciatingly painful. My ex was well aware of this.
6. All treatments for the condition have failed to improve my experience in PIV intercourse. I am not emotionally capable of trying again right now.
7. For the past few years I preferred to identify as an asexual, and avoided sexual situations and physical contact with men.
8. I celebrate the fact that it’s been nearly a year since I broke up with my ex, and nearly 18 months since I’ve had sex. At the one-year anniversary, I had champagne.
9. I have barely been touched in the past year. I have either flinched or stiffened and pulled away when my guy friends have touched me, and my current (female) roommate is the least physically affectionate person I know.
10. It’s been nearly three years since I last truly wanted to be touched by a man.
11. I do not orgasm and never have. It’s really not surprising, given all of the above. When I masturbate, I just focus on feeling pleasure.
12. I rarely masturbate. It happens maybe once a month, and that’s the most frequent it’s ever happened.
13. I have a pretty low sex drive. This was true pretty early on in my past relationship, and I found out about the pain disorder. I think it’s partially tied to me being on birth control pills.
14. I am an avid reader of romance novels and fan-fiction. These have served as safe outlets for my sexuality for years.
15. I consider myself to be pretty--beautiful, even. I am tall and slender with medium-sized breasts and long legs. My green eyes are my favorite feature.
16. I absolutely want to have a sexual experience with a woman. I don’t think that it would progress beyond kissing and some fondling, but I want to know what it’s like.
17. With men, I am very attracted to broad shoulders. I want something to hold on to/bite down on. Strong arms and a large chest are also pretty desirable.
18. A man’s hands are also incredibly attractive to me. Strong, capable hands, with callouses.
19. In women, I think softness is physically attractive. I like soft medium-sized breasts, rounded hips, and she’d be smaller than me.
20. Eyes are the windows to the soul. Warm eyes for either gender are crucial for me to be turned on.
21. Turn-offs include jealousy, possessiveness, lying, and manipulation. I don’t know that I have any explicit physical turn-offs, more preferences.
22. I hooked up with a guy for the first time ever about a month ago. We just made out and felt each other up a little. No one was more surprised this happened than me.
23. In my mind, I refer to this person as Pandora. He kinda opened up my box of repressed sexual desire, personal attachment, and hope.
24. Thanks to him, I remembered/was reminded that I have a very sensitive neck.
25. He and I are going to be just friends. I was sad about this at first, but I’m actually relieved about it now. I’ve got a lot that I’m working through, and I was already feeling pressure about opening up about my past and my condition.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
1) I am a 43-year-old man, married for 20 years to the woman I have been with since I was 20 years old.
2) I lost my virginity on the night of my 20th birthday, and had a brief relationship with the woman for a month. One month later I had a drunken one-night stand. A month after that I had sex for the first time with the woman I was longing for, who would become my wife.
3) I have struggled with my desires to have sex with a man since I first started masturbating as a teen. My interests were sexual, with no interest in a relationship or intimacy. I felt that I was straight in every way other than this occasional desire. While this was a reoccurring fantasy throughout my life, I pushed these feelings aside, as this wasn't consistent with my identity as a straight man and felt "wrong."
4) As a teen I started to purchase porn and had a preference for written erotica, real life stories, and swinger magazines (and classified ads in alternative papers), preferring these over photos or videos. I never collected porn and discarded what I bought after I read it once or twice. I tried but never enjoyed gay porn.
5) Over the years I have sought out situations (glory holes, parks, etc.) where I may have the opportunity to have a sexual experience with a man, only to run when it seemed like it could happen. I was both intensely curious and terrified by the possibility, both scared of cheating on my girlfriend/wife and of the idea of actually going through with it.
6) I also had fantasies of being submissive, primarily to dominant women, but also sometimes to men or couples. I was deeply ashamed of this and never acted on it or felt that it was something that I could discuss with my wife.
7) While my wife and I enjoyed a good sex life, it was very conventional, as she was brought up in a conservative Catholic household and was ashamed of sex and not comfortable receiving pleasure. While I did not grow up with shame about sex, I had shame about my sexual desires (bi, sub, kinky) that did not conform to the expected role of what it meant to be a (straight) man. This, combined with my wife's vanilla approach to sex, caused me to push down all of my non-conforming desires and be more ashamed of them and guilty that I had those feelings. I did not think it was OK to want or expect the things I thought of.
8) After we had kids, our sex life got more boring and less frequent. I increasingly turned to porn and masturbation as my sexual outlet, which fueled these desires and the shame they caused me. With the internet opening up access to online erotica and chat rooms, the porn I sought out became further and further out there, evolving (or devolving) to forced bi fantasies and cuckolding. I was very conflicted by my reaction to this and would be disgusted with myself as soon as I came. This went on for many years.
9) As the communication in our marriage got worse, I felt trapped and wanted to leave, but couldn't bring myself to split up my family, so I denied my needs for a satisfying sex life.
10) I discovered my prostate after reading about the Aneros online, and wanted to experience a prostate orgasm. I started to build up a collection of anal toys as I searched for the one to produce that magic hands-free orgasm, and would use these during masturbation. I hid the toys from my wife, eventually asking for some anal play but avoiding any mention of penetration and what that might imply. Years later, I recalled playing with my ass with improvised toys in my earliest days of masturbation, which I quickly stopped doing.
11) A few years ago, a change in blood pressure medication caused ED (erectile dysfunction), which I didn't instantly understand and was very frustrated by my inability to get an erection. Ironically, this turned out to be highly beneficial for my sex life, as not being able to get hard led the sex we had to move beyond PIV (penis in vagina), as the penis wouldn't cooperate. I started to go down on her more (which she was previously uncomfortable with), started getting her off with my fingers (which she also wouldn't allow previously) and began to get into face-sitting, which satisfied some of my sub desire (without her realizing this was what was happening).
13) In my late 30's I discovered that I loved having my nipples played with, and allowed myself to accept this pleasure.
14) I have wanted to be pegged (fucked in the ass with a strap-on dildo) since I first read about the idea, and finally worked up the nerve to tell my wife after wanting to for 4 years. She heard the request, and I was excited she didn't react negatively. After waiting for months I brought it up again and found out that she was confused by my request and didn't want to do it, though she didn't flat out say no (or yes). Her not following up on it or asking questions about it hurt me a lot, as I ended up bringing it up again and again, growing more vulnerable and hurt each time.
15) In my late 30's I started listening to sex podcasts, first 'Savage Love,' then 'Sex is Fun,' which led me to 'In Bed with Susie Bright,' 'Life on the Swingset' and other swinger podcasts. Through this, I found a world of people who were living their sexual fantasies, embraced their desires and were better for it. This helped me to accept my own desires and realized I was one of many 'straight' guys with a fantasy to go down on a man. I began to accept myself for what I was, kinks and all, and no longer denied these parts of myself.
16) I realized that I am a man that does not conform to a strict society-defined definition of the macho straight male. As a non-sports loving vegetarian who was more sensitive than I was raised to be, I began to accept myself and became less hung up on labels or what society (or my parents) expected me to be, and began to love myself for who I was.
17) This self discovery and the acceptance it led to first became real to me at a music festival. The sun was setting, the music and weather was perfect, and I was surrounded by dancing and sexy women and men and I just felt one with the crowd and had no problem with enjoying the sexual energy all around me from the women as well as the men. Listening to the song that was playing at the time brings me back to that moment.
18) Having fully accepted myself and my desires, I was faced with the reality that while I accepted my bisexual/kinky/sub-bottom/swinger-poly desires, I was in a marriage to a conventional, somewhat sexually repressed woman who I had poor communication with. While our sex had became more frequent and she had opened herself up to receiving pleasure in new ways from me, I was not getting pleasure in the ways I wanted and needed, and did not have the connection and romance I desired. The dichotomy between the sex life and relationship I had with the one I desired (now without the shame and guilt for having those feelings) led to me falling into a depression for the first time, as I saw no path to fixing our marriage or her accepting these things about me, feeling that my only choices were to cheat, break up my family, or repress these newly accepted feelings.
19) With the desire to cheat or leave my wife very powerful, I worked to try to repair my marriage, though not always in ways that were helpful. I was eager to experience sex with a man; now that I had accepted this as a part of me, I decided I had to come out to my wife as bi-curious, as I believed this to be the only thing that would stop me from going through with hooking up with someone. From when I decided to tell her, it took a couple of years to get there, until I felt I had nothing to lose and finally shared this burden with her. I put it out there, she absorbed it, then we went back to normal to the point that I started to think that the conversation never happened, as if I dreamed it. Finally we discussed it, and she began to share her own feelings and desires about playing with a woman and said that it wasn't fair to deny me an opportunity to experience this side of myself. She wanted to be supportive, but needed time to reconcile the idea that sex and love could be separated.
20) Sharing this secret led to an openness between us, as we began to role-play and share fantasies. She became in touch with some repressed feelings, and began to listen to some of the podcasts I had listened to, and discovered this new world that I had found several years earlier. Talks of a possible three-way grew into talks of a foursome with another bi/curious couple to be found through a swinger website. Suddenly what was just fantasy was now possibility.
21) Seven months after sharing my big secret with my wife, on the week of our 20th anniversary, we met another couple we met through a swinger website for dinner and ended up going back to their place afterwards. We both experienced same-sex play (giving and receiving a blowjob and being on the receiving end of a flogger for me; kissing, feeling up and being licked by a woman for her). We left feeling no guilt or shame about what we did, and had hot sex repeatedly when we got home.
22) Having had oral sex with another man, I figured that I was no longer 100% straight, but wasn't sure how bi I actually was. I enjoyed the experience but did not find it transformational. I consider myself a Kinsey 2, and possibly more sexually adventurous than bisexual.
23) We are now seeking out other couples for friendship and sex. While this is very exciting and I am looking forward to the new experiences (and have seen it improve our relationship and sex life). I have some anxiety about having sex with another woman. I have always been a 'grower' who is small when not erect (avg. 6" when hard) and never had much of an issue with this, as no one saw me naked but my wife. Now I have some anxiety about being in sexual and non-sexual situations around other people, some much larger than me (when soft as well as erect). This is somewhat compounded by my fear of not being able to get hard with a new partner and letting them down with my small soft cock. I am determined not to let this stop me from these new experiences.
24) Despite the newfound openness and happiness, I have a hard time coming from blowjobs or intercourse (though I occasionally do), preferring to come after lots of sex from masturbating while my wife is sitting on my face and I am licking her pussy after I've satisfied her in other ways. I don't understand this, and it bothers me that I can't get off more easily without the help of my hand, in part because I am afraid that it may make her feel that she can't 'get' me to come.
25) Despite being in my forties and having a lower testosterone level, I have the libido of a teen and am as horny as I ever was, needing to come at least once a day. I think about sex constantly, and spend more time than I should on the swinger websites, reading profiles and emailing or chatting with other couples or possible partners for a threesome.
2) I lost my virginity on the night of my 20th birthday, and had a brief relationship with the woman for a month. One month later I had a drunken one-night stand. A month after that I had sex for the first time with the woman I was longing for, who would become my wife.
3) I have struggled with my desires to have sex with a man since I first started masturbating as a teen. My interests were sexual, with no interest in a relationship or intimacy. I felt that I was straight in every way other than this occasional desire. While this was a reoccurring fantasy throughout my life, I pushed these feelings aside, as this wasn't consistent with my identity as a straight man and felt "wrong."
4) As a teen I started to purchase porn and had a preference for written erotica, real life stories, and swinger magazines (and classified ads in alternative papers), preferring these over photos or videos. I never collected porn and discarded what I bought after I read it once or twice. I tried but never enjoyed gay porn.
5) Over the years I have sought out situations (glory holes, parks, etc.) where I may have the opportunity to have a sexual experience with a man, only to run when it seemed like it could happen. I was both intensely curious and terrified by the possibility, both scared of cheating on my girlfriend/wife and of the idea of actually going through with it.
6) I also had fantasies of being submissive, primarily to dominant women, but also sometimes to men or couples. I was deeply ashamed of this and never acted on it or felt that it was something that I could discuss with my wife.
7) While my wife and I enjoyed a good sex life, it was very conventional, as she was brought up in a conservative Catholic household and was ashamed of sex and not comfortable receiving pleasure. While I did not grow up with shame about sex, I had shame about my sexual desires (bi, sub, kinky) that did not conform to the expected role of what it meant to be a (straight) man. This, combined with my wife's vanilla approach to sex, caused me to push down all of my non-conforming desires and be more ashamed of them and guilty that I had those feelings. I did not think it was OK to want or expect the things I thought of.
8) After we had kids, our sex life got more boring and less frequent. I increasingly turned to porn and masturbation as my sexual outlet, which fueled these desires and the shame they caused me. With the internet opening up access to online erotica and chat rooms, the porn I sought out became further and further out there, evolving (or devolving) to forced bi fantasies and cuckolding. I was very conflicted by my reaction to this and would be disgusted with myself as soon as I came. This went on for many years.
9) As the communication in our marriage got worse, I felt trapped and wanted to leave, but couldn't bring myself to split up my family, so I denied my needs for a satisfying sex life.
10) I discovered my prostate after reading about the Aneros online, and wanted to experience a prostate orgasm. I started to build up a collection of anal toys as I searched for the one to produce that magic hands-free orgasm, and would use these during masturbation. I hid the toys from my wife, eventually asking for some anal play but avoiding any mention of penetration and what that might imply. Years later, I recalled playing with my ass with improvised toys in my earliest days of masturbation, which I quickly stopped doing.
11) A few years ago, a change in blood pressure medication caused ED (erectile dysfunction), which I didn't instantly understand and was very frustrated by my inability to get an erection. Ironically, this turned out to be highly beneficial for my sex life, as not being able to get hard led the sex we had to move beyond PIV (penis in vagina), as the penis wouldn't cooperate. I started to go down on her more (which she was previously uncomfortable with), started getting her off with my fingers (which she also wouldn't allow previously) and began to get into face-sitting, which satisfied some of my sub desire (without her realizing this was what was happening).
13) In my late 30's I discovered that I loved having my nipples played with, and allowed myself to accept this pleasure.
14) I have wanted to be pegged (fucked in the ass with a strap-on dildo) since I first read about the idea, and finally worked up the nerve to tell my wife after wanting to for 4 years. She heard the request, and I was excited she didn't react negatively. After waiting for months I brought it up again and found out that she was confused by my request and didn't want to do it, though she didn't flat out say no (or yes). Her not following up on it or asking questions about it hurt me a lot, as I ended up bringing it up again and again, growing more vulnerable and hurt each time.
15) In my late 30's I started listening to sex podcasts, first 'Savage Love,' then 'Sex is Fun,' which led me to 'In Bed with Susie Bright,' 'Life on the Swingset' and other swinger podcasts. Through this, I found a world of people who were living their sexual fantasies, embraced their desires and were better for it. This helped me to accept my own desires and realized I was one of many 'straight' guys with a fantasy to go down on a man. I began to accept myself for what I was, kinks and all, and no longer denied these parts of myself.
16) I realized that I am a man that does not conform to a strict society-defined definition of the macho straight male. As a non-sports loving vegetarian who was more sensitive than I was raised to be, I began to accept myself and became less hung up on labels or what society (or my parents) expected me to be, and began to love myself for who I was.
17) This self discovery and the acceptance it led to first became real to me at a music festival. The sun was setting, the music and weather was perfect, and I was surrounded by dancing and sexy women and men and I just felt one with the crowd and had no problem with enjoying the sexual energy all around me from the women as well as the men. Listening to the song that was playing at the time brings me back to that moment.
18) Having fully accepted myself and my desires, I was faced with the reality that while I accepted my bisexual/kinky/sub-bottom/swinger-poly desires, I was in a marriage to a conventional, somewhat sexually repressed woman who I had poor communication with. While our sex had became more frequent and she had opened herself up to receiving pleasure in new ways from me, I was not getting pleasure in the ways I wanted and needed, and did not have the connection and romance I desired. The dichotomy between the sex life and relationship I had with the one I desired (now without the shame and guilt for having those feelings) led to me falling into a depression for the first time, as I saw no path to fixing our marriage or her accepting these things about me, feeling that my only choices were to cheat, break up my family, or repress these newly accepted feelings.
19) With the desire to cheat or leave my wife very powerful, I worked to try to repair my marriage, though not always in ways that were helpful. I was eager to experience sex with a man; now that I had accepted this as a part of me, I decided I had to come out to my wife as bi-curious, as I believed this to be the only thing that would stop me from going through with hooking up with someone. From when I decided to tell her, it took a couple of years to get there, until I felt I had nothing to lose and finally shared this burden with her. I put it out there, she absorbed it, then we went back to normal to the point that I started to think that the conversation never happened, as if I dreamed it. Finally we discussed it, and she began to share her own feelings and desires about playing with a woman and said that it wasn't fair to deny me an opportunity to experience this side of myself. She wanted to be supportive, but needed time to reconcile the idea that sex and love could be separated.
20) Sharing this secret led to an openness between us, as we began to role-play and share fantasies. She became in touch with some repressed feelings, and began to listen to some of the podcasts I had listened to, and discovered this new world that I had found several years earlier. Talks of a possible three-way grew into talks of a foursome with another bi/curious couple to be found through a swinger website. Suddenly what was just fantasy was now possibility.
21) Seven months after sharing my big secret with my wife, on the week of our 20th anniversary, we met another couple we met through a swinger website for dinner and ended up going back to their place afterwards. We both experienced same-sex play (giving and receiving a blowjob and being on the receiving end of a flogger for me; kissing, feeling up and being licked by a woman for her). We left feeling no guilt or shame about what we did, and had hot sex repeatedly when we got home.
22) Having had oral sex with another man, I figured that I was no longer 100% straight, but wasn't sure how bi I actually was. I enjoyed the experience but did not find it transformational. I consider myself a Kinsey 2, and possibly more sexually adventurous than bisexual.
23) We are now seeking out other couples for friendship and sex. While this is very exciting and I am looking forward to the new experiences (and have seen it improve our relationship and sex life). I have some anxiety about having sex with another woman. I have always been a 'grower' who is small when not erect (avg. 6" when hard) and never had much of an issue with this, as no one saw me naked but my wife. Now I have some anxiety about being in sexual and non-sexual situations around other people, some much larger than me (when soft as well as erect). This is somewhat compounded by my fear of not being able to get hard with a new partner and letting them down with my small soft cock. I am determined not to let this stop me from these new experiences.
24) Despite the newfound openness and happiness, I have a hard time coming from blowjobs or intercourse (though I occasionally do), preferring to come after lots of sex from masturbating while my wife is sitting on my face and I am licking her pussy after I've satisfied her in other ways. I don't understand this, and it bothers me that I can't get off more easily without the help of my hand, in part because I am afraid that it may make her feel that she can't 'get' me to come.
25) Despite being in my forties and having a lower testosterone level, I have the libido of a teen and am as horny as I ever was, needing to come at least once a day. I think about sex constantly, and spend more time than I should on the swinger websites, reading profiles and emailing or chatting with other couples or possible partners for a threesome.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
1. I value my body and my sexuality very highly. Many would probably consider me uptight, and I used to agree with them, but now I understand that that isn’t it at all. I consider myself a highly sexual person, I love sex, I’m open-minded about sexual expression, and I think connection through sex is incredibly important to relationships and to a full life experience. But for those very reasons, casual sex with someone I don’t know very well and don’t feel connected to just for the physical sensation doesn’t appeal to me at all, because to me it would be so much less than what it can and should be.
2. I’ve recently identified myself as the Individualist/Romantic type in the Enneagram personality system, the driving feature of which is that I seek to understand myself and be understood by others as an utterly unique individual. I think I could be likened to a healthier, stronger Tereza in The Unbearable Lightness of Being, no matter how much I’d often like to be a Sabina. This viewpoint makes so many aspects of my relationships, sexual, romantic and otherwise, make so much sense, particularly #1.
3. I consider sexual orientation to be a spectrum. If completely heterosexual is a 0 and completely homosexual is a 10, with equal attraction to both sexes being a 5, I’d put myself around a 3.5. I’ve kissed women and once shared an orgasm with a woman, but I’ve never dated or had sex with a woman. I feel open to both with the right person, though I do wonder if the fact that I haven’t yet met a right woman might tell me the appeal is only theoretical.
4. I’m a single mom to my toddler. His dad and I were married about 5 years when I got pregnant unexpectedly, and he panicked. He’d barely talk about the baby and wouldn’t touch me. We literally did not have sex after I started showing. After my son was born and he finally understood that I was near leaving, we tried to fix it, but just couldn’t. I’m now elated to be on my own and am actively working through the emotional trauma of feeling rejected and abandoned during my pregnancy. That scene at the end of Kill Bill when Uma Thurman is lying on the floor laughing and crying and saying ‘thank you’ for being free to live her life with her daughter after the trauma Bill put her through? That’s exactly how I felt when I finally ended it.
5. I masturbate probably a little less than once a day on average. I find it to be an opportunity to release tension, to allow my mind to wander, for self-expression, and of course to feel really good. I feel the urge to masturbate most often when I’m working – I’m a graduate student and spend intense hours in front of a computer – fortunately I often work alone.
6. Ever since my son was born I’ve needed to masturbate differently. My technique used to typically be exclusively clitoral, but since then I’ve needed both clitoral and vaginal stimulation. I had a very difficult birth and have wondered if some of my nerve endings are now shot as a result, but my clitoris doesn’t feel less sensitive, I just don’t ever feel I can come that way. Maybe it’s hormonal? Psychological? I ought to explore that more.
7. Just in the past year or two I’ve finally embraced the fact that I’m most comfortable keeping most of my pubic hair. I shave my bikini line and trim when I remember, just enough to keep things tidy. I only shaved everything once and absolutely hated it – it itched, it got stubbly almost immediately, I found it disturbing to look like a little girl, and I felt physically vulnerable in a very disconcerting way.
8. I lost my virginity when I was 22. It was a huge deal for me, and the experience itself was emotionally intense and beautiful, but the circumstances left me an absolute wreck. It was with my high school boyfriend, my first love who had given me every first sexual experience I’d ever had and who I had never really gotten over. I felt it needed to be with him because I thought he might be the only one who could ever really get what it meant to me, and he did – the problem was he was with someone else at the time and had some attachment issues, causing him to panic and push me away afterwards.
9. I was raised Catholic and was very religious throughout my adolescence, which led to constant crises of conscious about my sexuality. I was taught (and generally believed) that sex in marriage was beautiful but that sex outside of marriage and masturbation were sins. I started masturbating around age 11 and felt guilty about it for years. When I fell in love in high school and experienced the ecstasy of touching and nakedness and oral sex, I constantly fluctuated between losing myself in it and trying to stop (my poor boyfriend was very patient and accepting of this). Gradually losing my belief in God and religion in college was the best thing that ever happened for developing healthy acceptance of my sexuality (and for growing as an individual in general).
10. I’ve recently discovered I have a submissive streak. I’m not talking sadomasochism or being made to feel powerless. But for me one of the sexiest things imaginable is for a truly giving partner to take control, maybe pull my hair a little, and to show and tell me what he wants, knowing what a turn-on it is for me to give it. One of the most profoundly affirming sexual experiences anyone has ever given me was to give me detailed instructions for how he wanted me to masturbate, how to explore and worship my body, and to then watch me carry them out for him. Totally incredible.
11. I cheated on my husband. I spent most of my pregnancy desperately reaching out to him for affection and closeness and love, only to be shut out without a word of explanation. Eventually I just shut down and didn’t feel anything for him anymore. Instead I fell for a supportive friend and suddenly found myself in an intense sexually explicit long-distance emotional affair that led to a single intense evening together. I didn’t fuck him (part of me still aches over that), but it was certainly enough to shake up my marriage badly. I’ve always felt strongly that cheating is wrong, and I suppose I still do. I just understand now that circumstances count. My circumstances are not an excuse, but they are most certainly an explanation. I have cheated but that is not who I am.
12. I’m currently experiencing my love for the friend I became involved with as an addiction. Deep down I’ve known this for some time, but it’s been difficult for me to admit and to begin to address. I wanted to hold out for some magic solution that would allow me to be with him (his love for me is kept carefully in a little box – in real life, he’s happily married with a baby on the way). And I’ve been afraid to let go for fear of never again feeling as much as I feel for him and of never finding anyone else who gets me the way he does.
13. I can’t orgasm without thinking about him. It’s not that when I think of anything else I can’t orgasm, it’s that I can’t think of anything else when I orgasm.
14. I felt most beautiful, feminine, and sexual when I was pregnant. My body bloomed, and for once in my life I was truly curvy and voluptuous. The awareness that my body was doing what it had evolved to do as a woman seemed to call for worship of it. Plus my hormones were going apeshit and I wasn’t getting any.
15. My breasts became much less firm after my baby was born and even less so when I stopped breastfeeding. I’m now reaching a point where I can see their sagginess and stretch marks with a sense of affection and appreciation as a symbol of what they’ve been able to do – feed and grow my baby for a year.
16. I was molested as a child, by the man who owned the daycare I attended when I was 5-6 years old. His abuse of other children was discovered and he was prosecuted, at which point it came up with my mom. I remember feeling deeply ashamed and that I had been bad for allowing it to happen. Still, I’m not quite sure how, but I think I came out only minimally scathed. I’ve experienced brief periods of intense distrust of most of the father figures in my life, I sometimes have trouble saying no, and I had some vulnerability and shame issues in the first days of my first sexual relationship, but I think recognizing where those feelings came from allowed me to process them and move past them.
17. I had a very healthy friends-with-benefits relationship in college. We were close and loved each other, we were enormously attracted to each other, but had reached a point where we were no longer interested in each other romantically. We were always completely honest with each other and never had to second-guess where we stood, so it worked beautifully. That honesty was absolutely key to no one getting hurt and to us staying friends.
18. For me, physical attraction stems strongly from mental and emotional connection. I find men who know they’re attractive and expect it to get them somewhere incredibly unattractive. If I were to define my ‘type’ it would be a smart, unique, thoughtful guy who perhaps compensates for having come through some persecution as a nerd with a bit of a bad boy streak, with a strong, creative sex drive lurking just beneath the surface. Hmm, probably slightly biased by my current obsession…
19. I once had an orgasm in my nipples. It wasn’t that I didn’t experience it in my clitoris – but it was like the sensitivity of my nipples and my clit were reversed. I never thought that was possible until it happened.
20. My enjoyment of blowjobs varies considerably. Depending on who I’m giving it to, how he tastes, his reactions, the mood I’m in, the state of our relationship, etc., I can feel anywhere from blissfully intimate and close and aroused to slightly used and slightly disgusted.
21. I’ve only swallowed once. It was the only time I wanted to. I was crazy about him, it was one of the few opportunities I’d had to be intimate with him, and the thought of not swallowing felt like rejection of an intimate, loved part of him. I loved it and have ached for the chance to repeat it many times since. He’s the only person who has ever inspired fantasies like this. Interestingly and sadly, I never felt that way about my husband. I think it’s largely because this person was a true sexual giver, and my husband was not.
22. I enjoy genuine porn and erotica on occasion, though I generally prefer to rely on my own creativity for inspiration. Doesn’t really seem to matter if it’s heterosexual, lesbian, or solo, visual or literary, it just has to be real – real people who really like each other having real orgasms. I even briefly found inspiration in the tamer material on a pretty hardcore BDSM site, simply because it was genuine and therefore felt healthy.
23. Before I had experienced sex or much sexual intimacy, my mental imagery during masturbation consisted of beautiful, almost psychedelic patterns, like I was floating down a hall or tunnel covered in richly detailed, colorful tapestries. Sometimes I miss that! Since then I’ve always visualized a partner in one way or another.
24. I’ve found that I enjoy the way I smell and taste, and exploring this has been an important part of a personal journey toward complete self-acceptance.
25. I decided to contribute this list in gratitude to all the strong, intelligent, sex-positive women out there who have had the courage and self-acceptance to share their sexuality in healthy ways and to embrace that vulnerability. I hope reading this will help other women to love and rejoice in the uniqueness of their own sexuality as these women have inspired me to do.
2. I’ve recently identified myself as the Individualist/Romantic type in the Enneagram personality system, the driving feature of which is that I seek to understand myself and be understood by others as an utterly unique individual. I think I could be likened to a healthier, stronger Tereza in The Unbearable Lightness of Being, no matter how much I’d often like to be a Sabina. This viewpoint makes so many aspects of my relationships, sexual, romantic and otherwise, make so much sense, particularly #1.
3. I consider sexual orientation to be a spectrum. If completely heterosexual is a 0 and completely homosexual is a 10, with equal attraction to both sexes being a 5, I’d put myself around a 3.5. I’ve kissed women and once shared an orgasm with a woman, but I’ve never dated or had sex with a woman. I feel open to both with the right person, though I do wonder if the fact that I haven’t yet met a right woman might tell me the appeal is only theoretical.
4. I’m a single mom to my toddler. His dad and I were married about 5 years when I got pregnant unexpectedly, and he panicked. He’d barely talk about the baby and wouldn’t touch me. We literally did not have sex after I started showing. After my son was born and he finally understood that I was near leaving, we tried to fix it, but just couldn’t. I’m now elated to be on my own and am actively working through the emotional trauma of feeling rejected and abandoned during my pregnancy. That scene at the end of Kill Bill when Uma Thurman is lying on the floor laughing and crying and saying ‘thank you’ for being free to live her life with her daughter after the trauma Bill put her through? That’s exactly how I felt when I finally ended it.
5. I masturbate probably a little less than once a day on average. I find it to be an opportunity to release tension, to allow my mind to wander, for self-expression, and of course to feel really good. I feel the urge to masturbate most often when I’m working – I’m a graduate student and spend intense hours in front of a computer – fortunately I often work alone.
6. Ever since my son was born I’ve needed to masturbate differently. My technique used to typically be exclusively clitoral, but since then I’ve needed both clitoral and vaginal stimulation. I had a very difficult birth and have wondered if some of my nerve endings are now shot as a result, but my clitoris doesn’t feel less sensitive, I just don’t ever feel I can come that way. Maybe it’s hormonal? Psychological? I ought to explore that more.
7. Just in the past year or two I’ve finally embraced the fact that I’m most comfortable keeping most of my pubic hair. I shave my bikini line and trim when I remember, just enough to keep things tidy. I only shaved everything once and absolutely hated it – it itched, it got stubbly almost immediately, I found it disturbing to look like a little girl, and I felt physically vulnerable in a very disconcerting way.
8. I lost my virginity when I was 22. It was a huge deal for me, and the experience itself was emotionally intense and beautiful, but the circumstances left me an absolute wreck. It was with my high school boyfriend, my first love who had given me every first sexual experience I’d ever had and who I had never really gotten over. I felt it needed to be with him because I thought he might be the only one who could ever really get what it meant to me, and he did – the problem was he was with someone else at the time and had some attachment issues, causing him to panic and push me away afterwards.
9. I was raised Catholic and was very religious throughout my adolescence, which led to constant crises of conscious about my sexuality. I was taught (and generally believed) that sex in marriage was beautiful but that sex outside of marriage and masturbation were sins. I started masturbating around age 11 and felt guilty about it for years. When I fell in love in high school and experienced the ecstasy of touching and nakedness and oral sex, I constantly fluctuated between losing myself in it and trying to stop (my poor boyfriend was very patient and accepting of this). Gradually losing my belief in God and religion in college was the best thing that ever happened for developing healthy acceptance of my sexuality (and for growing as an individual in general).
10. I’ve recently discovered I have a submissive streak. I’m not talking sadomasochism or being made to feel powerless. But for me one of the sexiest things imaginable is for a truly giving partner to take control, maybe pull my hair a little, and to show and tell me what he wants, knowing what a turn-on it is for me to give it. One of the most profoundly affirming sexual experiences anyone has ever given me was to give me detailed instructions for how he wanted me to masturbate, how to explore and worship my body, and to then watch me carry them out for him. Totally incredible.
11. I cheated on my husband. I spent most of my pregnancy desperately reaching out to him for affection and closeness and love, only to be shut out without a word of explanation. Eventually I just shut down and didn’t feel anything for him anymore. Instead I fell for a supportive friend and suddenly found myself in an intense sexually explicit long-distance emotional affair that led to a single intense evening together. I didn’t fuck him (part of me still aches over that), but it was certainly enough to shake up my marriage badly. I’ve always felt strongly that cheating is wrong, and I suppose I still do. I just understand now that circumstances count. My circumstances are not an excuse, but they are most certainly an explanation. I have cheated but that is not who I am.
12. I’m currently experiencing my love for the friend I became involved with as an addiction. Deep down I’ve known this for some time, but it’s been difficult for me to admit and to begin to address. I wanted to hold out for some magic solution that would allow me to be with him (his love for me is kept carefully in a little box – in real life, he’s happily married with a baby on the way). And I’ve been afraid to let go for fear of never again feeling as much as I feel for him and of never finding anyone else who gets me the way he does.
13. I can’t orgasm without thinking about him. It’s not that when I think of anything else I can’t orgasm, it’s that I can’t think of anything else when I orgasm.
14. I felt most beautiful, feminine, and sexual when I was pregnant. My body bloomed, and for once in my life I was truly curvy and voluptuous. The awareness that my body was doing what it had evolved to do as a woman seemed to call for worship of it. Plus my hormones were going apeshit and I wasn’t getting any.
15. My breasts became much less firm after my baby was born and even less so when I stopped breastfeeding. I’m now reaching a point where I can see their sagginess and stretch marks with a sense of affection and appreciation as a symbol of what they’ve been able to do – feed and grow my baby for a year.
16. I was molested as a child, by the man who owned the daycare I attended when I was 5-6 years old. His abuse of other children was discovered and he was prosecuted, at which point it came up with my mom. I remember feeling deeply ashamed and that I had been bad for allowing it to happen. Still, I’m not quite sure how, but I think I came out only minimally scathed. I’ve experienced brief periods of intense distrust of most of the father figures in my life, I sometimes have trouble saying no, and I had some vulnerability and shame issues in the first days of my first sexual relationship, but I think recognizing where those feelings came from allowed me to process them and move past them.
17. I had a very healthy friends-with-benefits relationship in college. We were close and loved each other, we were enormously attracted to each other, but had reached a point where we were no longer interested in each other romantically. We were always completely honest with each other and never had to second-guess where we stood, so it worked beautifully. That honesty was absolutely key to no one getting hurt and to us staying friends.
18. For me, physical attraction stems strongly from mental and emotional connection. I find men who know they’re attractive and expect it to get them somewhere incredibly unattractive. If I were to define my ‘type’ it would be a smart, unique, thoughtful guy who perhaps compensates for having come through some persecution as a nerd with a bit of a bad boy streak, with a strong, creative sex drive lurking just beneath the surface. Hmm, probably slightly biased by my current obsession…
19. I once had an orgasm in my nipples. It wasn’t that I didn’t experience it in my clitoris – but it was like the sensitivity of my nipples and my clit were reversed. I never thought that was possible until it happened.
20. My enjoyment of blowjobs varies considerably. Depending on who I’m giving it to, how he tastes, his reactions, the mood I’m in, the state of our relationship, etc., I can feel anywhere from blissfully intimate and close and aroused to slightly used and slightly disgusted.
21. I’ve only swallowed once. It was the only time I wanted to. I was crazy about him, it was one of the few opportunities I’d had to be intimate with him, and the thought of not swallowing felt like rejection of an intimate, loved part of him. I loved it and have ached for the chance to repeat it many times since. He’s the only person who has ever inspired fantasies like this. Interestingly and sadly, I never felt that way about my husband. I think it’s largely because this person was a true sexual giver, and my husband was not.
22. I enjoy genuine porn and erotica on occasion, though I generally prefer to rely on my own creativity for inspiration. Doesn’t really seem to matter if it’s heterosexual, lesbian, or solo, visual or literary, it just has to be real – real people who really like each other having real orgasms. I even briefly found inspiration in the tamer material on a pretty hardcore BDSM site, simply because it was genuine and therefore felt healthy.
23. Before I had experienced sex or much sexual intimacy, my mental imagery during masturbation consisted of beautiful, almost psychedelic patterns, like I was floating down a hall or tunnel covered in richly detailed, colorful tapestries. Sometimes I miss that! Since then I’ve always visualized a partner in one way or another.
24. I’ve found that I enjoy the way I smell and taste, and exploring this has been an important part of a personal journey toward complete self-acceptance.
25. I decided to contribute this list in gratitude to all the strong, intelligent, sex-positive women out there who have had the courage and self-acceptance to share their sexuality in healthy ways and to embrace that vulnerability. I hope reading this will help other women to love and rejoice in the uniqueness of their own sexuality as these women have inspired me to do.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
1. I have a very high libido. It's always been this way, but until recently I never acted on it.
2. I've been married for over twelve years, I'm a PTA member and head of the school bake sale. I'm also polyamorous. I've had a lover for the last year, and just started meeting new men for possible adventure. My husband is cool with our arrangement, but chooses to not be part of it. My lover knows about everything, and will hopefully soon be part of it.
3. I had my first orgasm when I was five or six years old. I remember rubbing against my pillow and suddenly being overcome with ecstasy. I immediately tried to recreate the experience.
4. I masturbate almost every day - mostly with my vibrator, but sometimes with my hands so I'll be self-sufficient in the event of a worldwide battery shortage.
5. My lover has a HUGE cock. I LOOOVE his HUGE cock. I cannot get enough of his HUGE cock. I wish his HUGE cock was inside of me right now and a minimum of five times a day.
6. I've been part of two soft threesomes (one man, two women). Both times I was the only one who had full-on penetration with the men. I think this is due to my vanity/ego needing to feel like the main/most important woman in the mix. I'm currently working on this - I'd like to be a bit more generous if the opportunity ever presents itself again.
7. I've had anal sex three times and loved it. The first time it took some getting used to, but once I relaxed the pleasure was off the hook. The second time was with my main man. We were concerned he might hurt me due to his size, but he was so gentle, slow, and careful it turned out to be totally amazing. The third time was with an additional guy I'd been seeing, the Ass Man. I was so into it I hardly noticed that it was entirely too fast, too rough, and for too many hours. It took over a week for me to heal. I will NOT do that again.
8. I love sucking cock and love sucking balls, and always aspire to do my personal best to please. Hand-jobs seem to be my downfall. I'm working on this too.
9. It feels disingenuous to say I enjoy rimming, but in the heat of the moment I'll do it without hesitation and it does excite me. I enjoy having it done to me too, not so much for the sensation, but because of how naughty it feels.
10. I wish I were brave enough to be with two men at the same time. I imagine being the center of so much pleasure and attention would be intoxicating for me.
11. My college boyfriend and I once had sex on a stack of coats during my parents' big Christmas party at our home. It was so hot I still take the memory out of the spank bank every now and then.
12. I love porn, especially amateur porn and home videos. Sometimes I don't beat off to them. But mostly I do.
13. My husband is the only person who can make me come with oral sex. I think the reason it's his specialty is because it's an incredibly intimate act and he loves me more than anyone else in this world. I love him too. We just have different needs.
14. I like a powerful man who knows how to take charge - hair pulling, ear biting, rough sex, anything that taps into that primal energy makes me crazy.
15. Sometimes when I masturbate I fantasize I'm a young girl from Roman times being forced to have sex with an undesirable, hostile, old man in exchange for some family favor in front of a group of onlookers. Sometimes I fantasize I'm a peasant girl in the Victorian age and for some mysterious reason the king is trying to impregnate me (I think maybe the queen keeps having girls and if I get pregs w/a boy they'll steel the baby from me and pass it off as hers). He fucks me as an audience yells their demands that I conceive a boy. OK, this is the last one I'll tell - sometimes I fantasize I'm part of a woodland village and before all the men head off to battle they all line up and take turns going down on me; the man who makes me come is the man who will lead the tribe to victory.
16. I have no idea why those fantasies come to me when I jerk off! Maybe I subconsciously want to be part of a gang bang.
17. I cannot help being very loud when having sex. Sometimes I wish my lover would just cover my mouth.
18. I'm into dirty talk, especially when it's very close to my ear.
19. My favorite orgasms come from deep penetration. The deeper, the better.
20. I think I might be ready to explore a woman's body. I wish the hot young thing at my coffee shop would give me a sign.
21. I once fooled around with my friend's husband while she watched, then the two of them had sex right next to me and I watched. It was hot!
22. I have recently acquired a lover, Superman. He put me in positions I had absolutely no idea my body could accommodate. Today he asked if I've ever done DP. I have not. I will definitely be seeing Superman again.
23. I feel massive guilt about what I'm doing. My husband is home with the kid when I romp with my lover and go out meeting potential new lovers. Also, when I do the mom thing I often daydream about the dirty fun I'll be having later (or had the night before). I'd be happy if I had sex every single day, especially when I'm ovulating, because getting fucked hard is the only thing that eases the pain of that time. My husband could go his whole life without it (family issues, shame issues, lack of experience, etc.). This arrangement seems to works for us, but it feels like I'm carrying such a dirty secret. I really wish more people understood.
24. I was a faithful wife for ten years of a mostly sexless marriage. In the last two years I've slept with four men. It feels like I've been reborn. This is who I am.
25. I wish my husband wanted me the way my lovers do.
2. I've been married for over twelve years, I'm a PTA member and head of the school bake sale. I'm also polyamorous. I've had a lover for the last year, and just started meeting new men for possible adventure. My husband is cool with our arrangement, but chooses to not be part of it. My lover knows about everything, and will hopefully soon be part of it.
3. I had my first orgasm when I was five or six years old. I remember rubbing against my pillow and suddenly being overcome with ecstasy. I immediately tried to recreate the experience.
4. I masturbate almost every day - mostly with my vibrator, but sometimes with my hands so I'll be self-sufficient in the event of a worldwide battery shortage.
5. My lover has a HUGE cock. I LOOOVE his HUGE cock. I cannot get enough of his HUGE cock. I wish his HUGE cock was inside of me right now and a minimum of five times a day.
6. I've been part of two soft threesomes (one man, two women). Both times I was the only one who had full-on penetration with the men. I think this is due to my vanity/ego needing to feel like the main/most important woman in the mix. I'm currently working on this - I'd like to be a bit more generous if the opportunity ever presents itself again.
7. I've had anal sex three times and loved it. The first time it took some getting used to, but once I relaxed the pleasure was off the hook. The second time was with my main man. We were concerned he might hurt me due to his size, but he was so gentle, slow, and careful it turned out to be totally amazing. The third time was with an additional guy I'd been seeing, the Ass Man. I was so into it I hardly noticed that it was entirely too fast, too rough, and for too many hours. It took over a week for me to heal. I will NOT do that again.
8. I love sucking cock and love sucking balls, and always aspire to do my personal best to please. Hand-jobs seem to be my downfall. I'm working on this too.
9. It feels disingenuous to say I enjoy rimming, but in the heat of the moment I'll do it without hesitation and it does excite me. I enjoy having it done to me too, not so much for the sensation, but because of how naughty it feels.
10. I wish I were brave enough to be with two men at the same time. I imagine being the center of so much pleasure and attention would be intoxicating for me.
11. My college boyfriend and I once had sex on a stack of coats during my parents' big Christmas party at our home. It was so hot I still take the memory out of the spank bank every now and then.
12. I love porn, especially amateur porn and home videos. Sometimes I don't beat off to them. But mostly I do.
13. My husband is the only person who can make me come with oral sex. I think the reason it's his specialty is because it's an incredibly intimate act and he loves me more than anyone else in this world. I love him too. We just have different needs.
14. I like a powerful man who knows how to take charge - hair pulling, ear biting, rough sex, anything that taps into that primal energy makes me crazy.
15. Sometimes when I masturbate I fantasize I'm a young girl from Roman times being forced to have sex with an undesirable, hostile, old man in exchange for some family favor in front of a group of onlookers. Sometimes I fantasize I'm a peasant girl in the Victorian age and for some mysterious reason the king is trying to impregnate me (I think maybe the queen keeps having girls and if I get pregs w/a boy they'll steel the baby from me and pass it off as hers). He fucks me as an audience yells their demands that I conceive a boy. OK, this is the last one I'll tell - sometimes I fantasize I'm part of a woodland village and before all the men head off to battle they all line up and take turns going down on me; the man who makes me come is the man who will lead the tribe to victory.
16. I have no idea why those fantasies come to me when I jerk off! Maybe I subconsciously want to be part of a gang bang.
17. I cannot help being very loud when having sex. Sometimes I wish my lover would just cover my mouth.
18. I'm into dirty talk, especially when it's very close to my ear.
19. My favorite orgasms come from deep penetration. The deeper, the better.
20. I think I might be ready to explore a woman's body. I wish the hot young thing at my coffee shop would give me a sign.
21. I once fooled around with my friend's husband while she watched, then the two of them had sex right next to me and I watched. It was hot!
22. I have recently acquired a lover, Superman. He put me in positions I had absolutely no idea my body could accommodate. Today he asked if I've ever done DP. I have not. I will definitely be seeing Superman again.
23. I feel massive guilt about what I'm doing. My husband is home with the kid when I romp with my lover and go out meeting potential new lovers. Also, when I do the mom thing I often daydream about the dirty fun I'll be having later (or had the night before). I'd be happy if I had sex every single day, especially when I'm ovulating, because getting fucked hard is the only thing that eases the pain of that time. My husband could go his whole life without it (family issues, shame issues, lack of experience, etc.). This arrangement seems to works for us, but it feels like I'm carrying such a dirty secret. I really wish more people understood.
24. I was a faithful wife for ten years of a mostly sexless marriage. In the last two years I've slept with four men. It feels like I've been reborn. This is who I am.
25. I wish my husband wanted me the way my lovers do.
Monday, April 9, 2012
1. I am a 42-year-old, married, heterosexual male, and I think I have had sex with about 80 women; I say "I think" because for a while I was on a rampage, seeking validation of some sort, and somewhere along the way I lost count.
2. One definite thing about me is I absolutely LOVE breasts. It doesn't matter if they are small or huge, natural or not - I love breasts and honestly cannot understand how there are men who do not. There is just something about holding them, touching them, sucking them. I especially love to see them bouncing.
3. Speaking of bouncing, my absolute favorite sexual activity is to be ridden and watch breasts bouncing.
4. I love to hear a woman talk dirty to me. In my experiences, not a lot of women will do it because they think they sound silly, but trust me ladies, if you throw in a well-placed "fuck my pussy" or something like that, it will make a world of difference to your guy.
5. I am often told I am an attractive man, but for so long I was always told I was too skinny, so somewhere along the way I developed some type of complex about it. I guess that is the root of the uncertainty of the number mentioned in #1. I have since gained weight (6'2", 190 lbs) but I guess it's kind of like people who lose weight and still see themselves as fat. Funny how our brains work, huh?
6. I have a fetish of smelling women's panties. When I visit someone and use their bathroom I always look for a hamper and hope there are panties in it. On occasion I have taken a pair so that I could masturbate in them later. I prefer panties that have a fair amount of discharge in them because there is something primal about knowing that came out of that woman's pussy. Plus it holds her scent so much longer.
7. I have a pre-paid phone I use to talk to women I know or meet. Well, actually we usually just text back and forth. I was initially amazed that I could randomly text women I know and without telling them who I was that they'd start confessing all types of sexual things to me. A few of them I have let know it was me, but most of them don't. Sometimes they will text me to tell me what color panties they are wearing, and a few have sent me pics.
8. I love to give oral sex. There is just something intimate and very mentally pleasing about having my face between a woman's legs and tasting/smelling her. I actually prefer to do it after she has been working or running errands all day as opposed to when she is freshly showered. Doing it after she has washed up takes away all the natural flavor and scent, and there's nothing to taste; I may as well be licking on plastic.
9. Most people would look at me and consider me a pretty plain, boring person and never guess I have a Prince Albert. I consider it a marital aid, and my wife loves it.
10. One woman I would LOVE to have sex with is my sister-in-law, although I know it will never happen. She's one of those women that just oozes sexuality without even trying. She is also one of the women I text with, and after much time and after she'd divulged a lot of personal info I finally told her it was me; needless to say she was totally shocked. We send each other flirty texts throughout the day just to break the monotony.
11. As I have gotten older I have begun to see that I am becoming more and more open to different aspects of my sexuality. I don't think I'll ever be open to male-male interaction, but pretty much anything else is up for consideration. I'd like to see my wife with another man. I think it would help me be a better lover to her if I could sit back and watch how she responds to certain touches and movements. Besides, I'm not above thinking I can learn a few things from someone else, and maybe he'd bring something to the table that I never even considered.
12. I would love to experience a golden shower.
13. I like to have my testicles tickled from behind. Sure, it feels good if we are facing one another or any other position, but damn if it doesn't feel good if I am lying on my stomach and my balls are touched with a feather, tongue, or lightly with fingers.
14. If I don't have sex then I masturbate. I cannot recall the last time I went 24 hours without coming. When I travel and check into a hotel I always masturbate as soon as I get there - kind of like planting a symbolic flag, I guess.
15. Whenever I travel, my wife gives me a few pairs of her panties she's made so I can smell them and come in them while I am gone. Maybe once or twice I have left them where someone could find them and have even watched a few times to see people's expressions - talk about priceless! I have even seen a few people slide them in their pocket, bag, or briefcase.
16. I am not one to get caught up in the wild, crazy positions to have sex. For me the excitement comes in the place we have sex. Of course, the more risky the better it is for me. Too bad my wife isn't as adventurous and open to the idea.
17. My fuck-et list includes being with women of different races (Caucasian, Asian, Hispanic), an orgy, going to a nudist resort, a midget (little person, to be PC), sex in public, domination, and extreme bondage.
18. Speaking of sex with women of different races, I am somehow drawn to middle-aged white women (think soccer-mom type), young Asian women, and both young and middle aged Hispanic women. Don't know what that means but I am sure a shrink would have a field day with that one.
19. Not sure how I let this one slip all the way down here, but when I orgasm I have full body orgasms, meaning I come HARD. It's like every nerve in my body is firing at the same time, and even the slightest touch feels like a million volts of electricity shooting through me. I used to be embarrassed about it but as I have gotten older I have found most women really like it. And hell, it feels good, so win-win!
20. I had an affair with a woman I worked with and she was absolutely amazing in bed! There was nothing off-limits with her and she loved sex as much as I do. Unfortunately, she started acting crazy and that was the end of that.
21. I fantasize about sex all day, every day. There have been times I was shaking the hand of a colleague and wondered what she looks like when she comes, what color panties she's wearing, what her fetishes are, what she tastes like and, most importantly, what it would take to get her in bed.
22. One of my biggest fantasies is to come home and find my wife has gotten me a woman for my own pleasure, to do whatever I want. After allowing me my time with her she comes back and all three of us indulge in the most erotic sex ever.
23. I often wish there was a way I could know the number of women that have masturbated to the thought of me and the number that have wanted to fuck me. Who couldn't use that ego boost every now and then?
24. I love to lick my wife clean after I come inside her. There is just something about the way we taste together and hell, if I expect her to swallow mine or lick me clean after we're done, there's no reason I shouldn't do the same for her. I love using my mouth during sex.
25. There is nothing better than having sex. If I could go every day with a new partner I would. Not that I don't love my wife, but every woman brings something different, and it would be incredible to experience as many as possible.
2. One definite thing about me is I absolutely LOVE breasts. It doesn't matter if they are small or huge, natural or not - I love breasts and honestly cannot understand how there are men who do not. There is just something about holding them, touching them, sucking them. I especially love to see them bouncing.
3. Speaking of bouncing, my absolute favorite sexual activity is to be ridden and watch breasts bouncing.
4. I love to hear a woman talk dirty to me. In my experiences, not a lot of women will do it because they think they sound silly, but trust me ladies, if you throw in a well-placed "fuck my pussy" or something like that, it will make a world of difference to your guy.
5. I am often told I am an attractive man, but for so long I was always told I was too skinny, so somewhere along the way I developed some type of complex about it. I guess that is the root of the uncertainty of the number mentioned in #1. I have since gained weight (6'2", 190 lbs) but I guess it's kind of like people who lose weight and still see themselves as fat. Funny how our brains work, huh?
6. I have a fetish of smelling women's panties. When I visit someone and use their bathroom I always look for a hamper and hope there are panties in it. On occasion I have taken a pair so that I could masturbate in them later. I prefer panties that have a fair amount of discharge in them because there is something primal about knowing that came out of that woman's pussy. Plus it holds her scent so much longer.
7. I have a pre-paid phone I use to talk to women I know or meet. Well, actually we usually just text back and forth. I was initially amazed that I could randomly text women I know and without telling them who I was that they'd start confessing all types of sexual things to me. A few of them I have let know it was me, but most of them don't. Sometimes they will text me to tell me what color panties they are wearing, and a few have sent me pics.
8. I love to give oral sex. There is just something intimate and very mentally pleasing about having my face between a woman's legs and tasting/smelling her. I actually prefer to do it after she has been working or running errands all day as opposed to when she is freshly showered. Doing it after she has washed up takes away all the natural flavor and scent, and there's nothing to taste; I may as well be licking on plastic.
9. Most people would look at me and consider me a pretty plain, boring person and never guess I have a Prince Albert. I consider it a marital aid, and my wife loves it.
10. One woman I would LOVE to have sex with is my sister-in-law, although I know it will never happen. She's one of those women that just oozes sexuality without even trying. She is also one of the women I text with, and after much time and after she'd divulged a lot of personal info I finally told her it was me; needless to say she was totally shocked. We send each other flirty texts throughout the day just to break the monotony.
11. As I have gotten older I have begun to see that I am becoming more and more open to different aspects of my sexuality. I don't think I'll ever be open to male-male interaction, but pretty much anything else is up for consideration. I'd like to see my wife with another man. I think it would help me be a better lover to her if I could sit back and watch how she responds to certain touches and movements. Besides, I'm not above thinking I can learn a few things from someone else, and maybe he'd bring something to the table that I never even considered.
12. I would love to experience a golden shower.
13. I like to have my testicles tickled from behind. Sure, it feels good if we are facing one another or any other position, but damn if it doesn't feel good if I am lying on my stomach and my balls are touched with a feather, tongue, or lightly with fingers.
14. If I don't have sex then I masturbate. I cannot recall the last time I went 24 hours without coming. When I travel and check into a hotel I always masturbate as soon as I get there - kind of like planting a symbolic flag, I guess.
15. Whenever I travel, my wife gives me a few pairs of her panties she's made so I can smell them and come in them while I am gone. Maybe once or twice I have left them where someone could find them and have even watched a few times to see people's expressions - talk about priceless! I have even seen a few people slide them in their pocket, bag, or briefcase.
16. I am not one to get caught up in the wild, crazy positions to have sex. For me the excitement comes in the place we have sex. Of course, the more risky the better it is for me. Too bad my wife isn't as adventurous and open to the idea.
17. My fuck-et list includes being with women of different races (Caucasian, Asian, Hispanic), an orgy, going to a nudist resort, a midget (little person, to be PC), sex in public, domination, and extreme bondage.
18. Speaking of sex with women of different races, I am somehow drawn to middle-aged white women (think soccer-mom type), young Asian women, and both young and middle aged Hispanic women. Don't know what that means but I am sure a shrink would have a field day with that one.
19. Not sure how I let this one slip all the way down here, but when I orgasm I have full body orgasms, meaning I come HARD. It's like every nerve in my body is firing at the same time, and even the slightest touch feels like a million volts of electricity shooting through me. I used to be embarrassed about it but as I have gotten older I have found most women really like it. And hell, it feels good, so win-win!
20. I had an affair with a woman I worked with and she was absolutely amazing in bed! There was nothing off-limits with her and she loved sex as much as I do. Unfortunately, she started acting crazy and that was the end of that.
21. I fantasize about sex all day, every day. There have been times I was shaking the hand of a colleague and wondered what she looks like when she comes, what color panties she's wearing, what her fetishes are, what she tastes like and, most importantly, what it would take to get her in bed.
22. One of my biggest fantasies is to come home and find my wife has gotten me a woman for my own pleasure, to do whatever I want. After allowing me my time with her she comes back and all three of us indulge in the most erotic sex ever.
23. I often wish there was a way I could know the number of women that have masturbated to the thought of me and the number that have wanted to fuck me. Who couldn't use that ego boost every now and then?
24. I love to lick my wife clean after I come inside her. There is just something about the way we taste together and hell, if I expect her to swallow mine or lick me clean after we're done, there's no reason I shouldn't do the same for her. I love using my mouth during sex.
25. There is nothing better than having sex. If I could go every day with a new partner I would. Not that I don't love my wife, but every woman brings something different, and it would be incredible to experience as many as possible.
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