Thursday, April 19, 2012
1. I am a 23-year-old cis woman who is mostly straight.
2. My sexual past is not for the faint of heart. I was in a 5+-years-long relationship with a man who physically, emotionally, and sexually abused me.
3. Some sexual experiences with him I would now call rape.
4. I now have issues with trusting men and am not sure that I am capable of romantic love at the moment.
5. Compounding this trauma history is the fact that I have a sexual pain disorder. PIV intercourse (most penetration, really) is excruciatingly painful. My ex was well aware of this.
6. All treatments for the condition have failed to improve my experience in PIV intercourse. I am not emotionally capable of trying again right now.
7. For the past few years I preferred to identify as an asexual, and avoided sexual situations and physical contact with men.
8. I celebrate the fact that it’s been nearly a year since I broke up with my ex, and nearly 18 months since I’ve had sex. At the one-year anniversary, I had champagne.
9. I have barely been touched in the past year. I have either flinched or stiffened and pulled away when my guy friends have touched me, and my current (female) roommate is the least physically affectionate person I know.
10. It’s been nearly three years since I last truly wanted to be touched by a man.
11. I do not orgasm and never have. It’s really not surprising, given all of the above. When I masturbate, I just focus on feeling pleasure.
12. I rarely masturbate. It happens maybe once a month, and that’s the most frequent it’s ever happened.
13. I have a pretty low sex drive. This was true pretty early on in my past relationship, and I found out about the pain disorder. I think it’s partially tied to me being on birth control pills.
14. I am an avid reader of romance novels and fan-fiction. These have served as safe outlets for my sexuality for years.
15. I consider myself to be pretty--beautiful, even. I am tall and slender with medium-sized breasts and long legs. My green eyes are my favorite feature.
16. I absolutely want to have a sexual experience with a woman. I don’t think that it would progress beyond kissing and some fondling, but I want to know what it’s like.
17. With men, I am very attracted to broad shoulders. I want something to hold on to/bite down on. Strong arms and a large chest are also pretty desirable.
18. A man’s hands are also incredibly attractive to me. Strong, capable hands, with callouses.
19. In women, I think softness is physically attractive. I like soft medium-sized breasts, rounded hips, and she’d be smaller than me.
20. Eyes are the windows to the soul. Warm eyes for either gender are crucial for me to be turned on.
21. Turn-offs include jealousy, possessiveness, lying, and manipulation. I don’t know that I have any explicit physical turn-offs, more preferences.
22. I hooked up with a guy for the first time ever about a month ago. We just made out and felt each other up a little. No one was more surprised this happened than me.
23. In my mind, I refer to this person as Pandora. He kinda opened up my box of repressed sexual desire, personal attachment, and hope.
24. Thanks to him, I remembered/was reminded that I have a very sensitive neck.
25. He and I are going to be just friends. I was sad about this at first, but I’m actually relieved about it now. I’ve got a lot that I’m working through, and I was already feeling pressure about opening up about my past and my condition.
2. My sexual past is not for the faint of heart. I was in a 5+-years-long relationship with a man who physically, emotionally, and sexually abused me.
3. Some sexual experiences with him I would now call rape.
4. I now have issues with trusting men and am not sure that I am capable of romantic love at the moment.
5. Compounding this trauma history is the fact that I have a sexual pain disorder. PIV intercourse (most penetration, really) is excruciatingly painful. My ex was well aware of this.
6. All treatments for the condition have failed to improve my experience in PIV intercourse. I am not emotionally capable of trying again right now.
7. For the past few years I preferred to identify as an asexual, and avoided sexual situations and physical contact with men.
8. I celebrate the fact that it’s been nearly a year since I broke up with my ex, and nearly 18 months since I’ve had sex. At the one-year anniversary, I had champagne.
9. I have barely been touched in the past year. I have either flinched or stiffened and pulled away when my guy friends have touched me, and my current (female) roommate is the least physically affectionate person I know.
10. It’s been nearly three years since I last truly wanted to be touched by a man.
11. I do not orgasm and never have. It’s really not surprising, given all of the above. When I masturbate, I just focus on feeling pleasure.
12. I rarely masturbate. It happens maybe once a month, and that’s the most frequent it’s ever happened.
13. I have a pretty low sex drive. This was true pretty early on in my past relationship, and I found out about the pain disorder. I think it’s partially tied to me being on birth control pills.
14. I am an avid reader of romance novels and fan-fiction. These have served as safe outlets for my sexuality for years.
15. I consider myself to be pretty--beautiful, even. I am tall and slender with medium-sized breasts and long legs. My green eyes are my favorite feature.
16. I absolutely want to have a sexual experience with a woman. I don’t think that it would progress beyond kissing and some fondling, but I want to know what it’s like.
17. With men, I am very attracted to broad shoulders. I want something to hold on to/bite down on. Strong arms and a large chest are also pretty desirable.
18. A man’s hands are also incredibly attractive to me. Strong, capable hands, with callouses.
19. In women, I think softness is physically attractive. I like soft medium-sized breasts, rounded hips, and she’d be smaller than me.
20. Eyes are the windows to the soul. Warm eyes for either gender are crucial for me to be turned on.
21. Turn-offs include jealousy, possessiveness, lying, and manipulation. I don’t know that I have any explicit physical turn-offs, more preferences.
22. I hooked up with a guy for the first time ever about a month ago. We just made out and felt each other up a little. No one was more surprised this happened than me.
23. In my mind, I refer to this person as Pandora. He kinda opened up my box of repressed sexual desire, personal attachment, and hope.
24. Thanks to him, I remembered/was reminded that I have a very sensitive neck.
25. He and I are going to be just friends. I was sad about this at first, but I’m actually relieved about it now. I’ve got a lot that I’m working through, and I was already feeling pressure about opening up about my past and my condition.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
1) I am a 43-year-old man, married for 20 years to the woman I have been with since I was 20 years old.
2) I lost my virginity on the night of my 20th birthday, and had a brief relationship with the woman for a month. One month later I had a drunken one-night stand. A month after that I had sex for the first time with the woman I was longing for, who would become my wife.
3) I have struggled with my desires to have sex with a man since I first started masturbating as a teen. My interests were sexual, with no interest in a relationship or intimacy. I felt that I was straight in every way other than this occasional desire. While this was a reoccurring fantasy throughout my life, I pushed these feelings aside, as this wasn't consistent with my identity as a straight man and felt "wrong."
4) As a teen I started to purchase porn and had a preference for written erotica, real life stories, and swinger magazines (and classified ads in alternative papers), preferring these over photos or videos. I never collected porn and discarded what I bought after I read it once or twice. I tried but never enjoyed gay porn.
5) Over the years I have sought out situations (glory holes, parks, etc.) where I may have the opportunity to have a sexual experience with a man, only to run when it seemed like it could happen. I was both intensely curious and terrified by the possibility, both scared of cheating on my girlfriend/wife and of the idea of actually going through with it.
6) I also had fantasies of being submissive, primarily to dominant women, but also sometimes to men or couples. I was deeply ashamed of this and never acted on it or felt that it was something that I could discuss with my wife.
7) While my wife and I enjoyed a good sex life, it was very conventional, as she was brought up in a conservative Catholic household and was ashamed of sex and not comfortable receiving pleasure. While I did not grow up with shame about sex, I had shame about my sexual desires (bi, sub, kinky) that did not conform to the expected role of what it meant to be a (straight) man. This, combined with my wife's vanilla approach to sex, caused me to push down all of my non-conforming desires and be more ashamed of them and guilty that I had those feelings. I did not think it was OK to want or expect the things I thought of.
8) After we had kids, our sex life got more boring and less frequent. I increasingly turned to porn and masturbation as my sexual outlet, which fueled these desires and the shame they caused me. With the internet opening up access to online erotica and chat rooms, the porn I sought out became further and further out there, evolving (or devolving) to forced bi fantasies and cuckolding. I was very conflicted by my reaction to this and would be disgusted with myself as soon as I came. This went on for many years.
9) As the communication in our marriage got worse, I felt trapped and wanted to leave, but couldn't bring myself to split up my family, so I denied my needs for a satisfying sex life.
10) I discovered my prostate after reading about the Aneros online, and wanted to experience a prostate orgasm. I started to build up a collection of anal toys as I searched for the one to produce that magic hands-free orgasm, and would use these during masturbation. I hid the toys from my wife, eventually asking for some anal play but avoiding any mention of penetration and what that might imply. Years later, I recalled playing with my ass with improvised toys in my earliest days of masturbation, which I quickly stopped doing.
11) A few years ago, a change in blood pressure medication caused ED (erectile dysfunction), which I didn't instantly understand and was very frustrated by my inability to get an erection. Ironically, this turned out to be highly beneficial for my sex life, as not being able to get hard led the sex we had to move beyond PIV (penis in vagina), as the penis wouldn't cooperate. I started to go down on her more (which she was previously uncomfortable with), started getting her off with my fingers (which she also wouldn't allow previously) and began to get into face-sitting, which satisfied some of my sub desire (without her realizing this was what was happening).
13) In my late 30's I discovered that I loved having my nipples played with, and allowed myself to accept this pleasure.
14) I have wanted to be pegged (fucked in the ass with a strap-on dildo) since I first read about the idea, and finally worked up the nerve to tell my wife after wanting to for 4 years. She heard the request, and I was excited she didn't react negatively. After waiting for months I brought it up again and found out that she was confused by my request and didn't want to do it, though she didn't flat out say no (or yes). Her not following up on it or asking questions about it hurt me a lot, as I ended up bringing it up again and again, growing more vulnerable and hurt each time.
15) In my late 30's I started listening to sex podcasts, first 'Savage Love,' then 'Sex is Fun,' which led me to 'In Bed with Susie Bright,' 'Life on the Swingset' and other swinger podcasts. Through this, I found a world of people who were living their sexual fantasies, embraced their desires and were better for it. This helped me to accept my own desires and realized I was one of many 'straight' guys with a fantasy to go down on a man. I began to accept myself for what I was, kinks and all, and no longer denied these parts of myself.
16) I realized that I am a man that does not conform to a strict society-defined definition of the macho straight male. As a non-sports loving vegetarian who was more sensitive than I was raised to be, I began to accept myself and became less hung up on labels or what society (or my parents) expected me to be, and began to love myself for who I was.
17) This self discovery and the acceptance it led to first became real to me at a music festival. The sun was setting, the music and weather was perfect, and I was surrounded by dancing and sexy women and men and I just felt one with the crowd and had no problem with enjoying the sexual energy all around me from the women as well as the men. Listening to the song that was playing at the time brings me back to that moment.
18) Having fully accepted myself and my desires, I was faced with the reality that while I accepted my bisexual/kinky/sub-bottom/swinger-poly desires, I was in a marriage to a conventional, somewhat sexually repressed woman who I had poor communication with. While our sex had became more frequent and she had opened herself up to receiving pleasure in new ways from me, I was not getting pleasure in the ways I wanted and needed, and did not have the connection and romance I desired. The dichotomy between the sex life and relationship I had with the one I desired (now without the shame and guilt for having those feelings) led to me falling into a depression for the first time, as I saw no path to fixing our marriage or her accepting these things about me, feeling that my only choices were to cheat, break up my family, or repress these newly accepted feelings.
19) With the desire to cheat or leave my wife very powerful, I worked to try to repair my marriage, though not always in ways that were helpful. I was eager to experience sex with a man; now that I had accepted this as a part of me, I decided I had to come out to my wife as bi-curious, as I believed this to be the only thing that would stop me from going through with hooking up with someone. From when I decided to tell her, it took a couple of years to get there, until I felt I had nothing to lose and finally shared this burden with her. I put it out there, she absorbed it, then we went back to normal to the point that I started to think that the conversation never happened, as if I dreamed it. Finally we discussed it, and she began to share her own feelings and desires about playing with a woman and said that it wasn't fair to deny me an opportunity to experience this side of myself. She wanted to be supportive, but needed time to reconcile the idea that sex and love could be separated.
20) Sharing this secret led to an openness between us, as we began to role-play and share fantasies. She became in touch with some repressed feelings, and began to listen to some of the podcasts I had listened to, and discovered this new world that I had found several years earlier. Talks of a possible three-way grew into talks of a foursome with another bi/curious couple to be found through a swinger website. Suddenly what was just fantasy was now possibility.
21) Seven months after sharing my big secret with my wife, on the week of our 20th anniversary, we met another couple we met through a swinger website for dinner and ended up going back to their place afterwards. We both experienced same-sex play (giving and receiving a blowjob and being on the receiving end of a flogger for me; kissing, feeling up and being licked by a woman for her). We left feeling no guilt or shame about what we did, and had hot sex repeatedly when we got home.
22) Having had oral sex with another man, I figured that I was no longer 100% straight, but wasn't sure how bi I actually was. I enjoyed the experience but did not find it transformational. I consider myself a Kinsey 2, and possibly more sexually adventurous than bisexual.
23) We are now seeking out other couples for friendship and sex. While this is very exciting and I am looking forward to the new experiences (and have seen it improve our relationship and sex life). I have some anxiety about having sex with another woman. I have always been a 'grower' who is small when not erect (avg. 6" when hard) and never had much of an issue with this, as no one saw me naked but my wife. Now I have some anxiety about being in sexual and non-sexual situations around other people, some much larger than me (when soft as well as erect). This is somewhat compounded by my fear of not being able to get hard with a new partner and letting them down with my small soft cock. I am determined not to let this stop me from these new experiences.
24) Despite the newfound openness and happiness, I have a hard time coming from blowjobs or intercourse (though I occasionally do), preferring to come after lots of sex from masturbating while my wife is sitting on my face and I am licking her pussy after I've satisfied her in other ways. I don't understand this, and it bothers me that I can't get off more easily without the help of my hand, in part because I am afraid that it may make her feel that she can't 'get' me to come.
25) Despite being in my forties and having a lower testosterone level, I have the libido of a teen and am as horny as I ever was, needing to come at least once a day. I think about sex constantly, and spend more time than I should on the swinger websites, reading profiles and emailing or chatting with other couples or possible partners for a threesome.
2) I lost my virginity on the night of my 20th birthday, and had a brief relationship with the woman for a month. One month later I had a drunken one-night stand. A month after that I had sex for the first time with the woman I was longing for, who would become my wife.
3) I have struggled with my desires to have sex with a man since I first started masturbating as a teen. My interests were sexual, with no interest in a relationship or intimacy. I felt that I was straight in every way other than this occasional desire. While this was a reoccurring fantasy throughout my life, I pushed these feelings aside, as this wasn't consistent with my identity as a straight man and felt "wrong."
4) As a teen I started to purchase porn and had a preference for written erotica, real life stories, and swinger magazines (and classified ads in alternative papers), preferring these over photos or videos. I never collected porn and discarded what I bought after I read it once or twice. I tried but never enjoyed gay porn.
5) Over the years I have sought out situations (glory holes, parks, etc.) where I may have the opportunity to have a sexual experience with a man, only to run when it seemed like it could happen. I was both intensely curious and terrified by the possibility, both scared of cheating on my girlfriend/wife and of the idea of actually going through with it.
6) I also had fantasies of being submissive, primarily to dominant women, but also sometimes to men or couples. I was deeply ashamed of this and never acted on it or felt that it was something that I could discuss with my wife.
7) While my wife and I enjoyed a good sex life, it was very conventional, as she was brought up in a conservative Catholic household and was ashamed of sex and not comfortable receiving pleasure. While I did not grow up with shame about sex, I had shame about my sexual desires (bi, sub, kinky) that did not conform to the expected role of what it meant to be a (straight) man. This, combined with my wife's vanilla approach to sex, caused me to push down all of my non-conforming desires and be more ashamed of them and guilty that I had those feelings. I did not think it was OK to want or expect the things I thought of.
8) After we had kids, our sex life got more boring and less frequent. I increasingly turned to porn and masturbation as my sexual outlet, which fueled these desires and the shame they caused me. With the internet opening up access to online erotica and chat rooms, the porn I sought out became further and further out there, evolving (or devolving) to forced bi fantasies and cuckolding. I was very conflicted by my reaction to this and would be disgusted with myself as soon as I came. This went on for many years.
9) As the communication in our marriage got worse, I felt trapped and wanted to leave, but couldn't bring myself to split up my family, so I denied my needs for a satisfying sex life.
10) I discovered my prostate after reading about the Aneros online, and wanted to experience a prostate orgasm. I started to build up a collection of anal toys as I searched for the one to produce that magic hands-free orgasm, and would use these during masturbation. I hid the toys from my wife, eventually asking for some anal play but avoiding any mention of penetration and what that might imply. Years later, I recalled playing with my ass with improvised toys in my earliest days of masturbation, which I quickly stopped doing.
11) A few years ago, a change in blood pressure medication caused ED (erectile dysfunction), which I didn't instantly understand and was very frustrated by my inability to get an erection. Ironically, this turned out to be highly beneficial for my sex life, as not being able to get hard led the sex we had to move beyond PIV (penis in vagina), as the penis wouldn't cooperate. I started to go down on her more (which she was previously uncomfortable with), started getting her off with my fingers (which she also wouldn't allow previously) and began to get into face-sitting, which satisfied some of my sub desire (without her realizing this was what was happening).
13) In my late 30's I discovered that I loved having my nipples played with, and allowed myself to accept this pleasure.
14) I have wanted to be pegged (fucked in the ass with a strap-on dildo) since I first read about the idea, and finally worked up the nerve to tell my wife after wanting to for 4 years. She heard the request, and I was excited she didn't react negatively. After waiting for months I brought it up again and found out that she was confused by my request and didn't want to do it, though she didn't flat out say no (or yes). Her not following up on it or asking questions about it hurt me a lot, as I ended up bringing it up again and again, growing more vulnerable and hurt each time.
15) In my late 30's I started listening to sex podcasts, first 'Savage Love,' then 'Sex is Fun,' which led me to 'In Bed with Susie Bright,' 'Life on the Swingset' and other swinger podcasts. Through this, I found a world of people who were living their sexual fantasies, embraced their desires and were better for it. This helped me to accept my own desires and realized I was one of many 'straight' guys with a fantasy to go down on a man. I began to accept myself for what I was, kinks and all, and no longer denied these parts of myself.
16) I realized that I am a man that does not conform to a strict society-defined definition of the macho straight male. As a non-sports loving vegetarian who was more sensitive than I was raised to be, I began to accept myself and became less hung up on labels or what society (or my parents) expected me to be, and began to love myself for who I was.
17) This self discovery and the acceptance it led to first became real to me at a music festival. The sun was setting, the music and weather was perfect, and I was surrounded by dancing and sexy women and men and I just felt one with the crowd and had no problem with enjoying the sexual energy all around me from the women as well as the men. Listening to the song that was playing at the time brings me back to that moment.
18) Having fully accepted myself and my desires, I was faced with the reality that while I accepted my bisexual/kinky/sub-bottom/swinger-poly desires, I was in a marriage to a conventional, somewhat sexually repressed woman who I had poor communication with. While our sex had became more frequent and she had opened herself up to receiving pleasure in new ways from me, I was not getting pleasure in the ways I wanted and needed, and did not have the connection and romance I desired. The dichotomy between the sex life and relationship I had with the one I desired (now without the shame and guilt for having those feelings) led to me falling into a depression for the first time, as I saw no path to fixing our marriage or her accepting these things about me, feeling that my only choices were to cheat, break up my family, or repress these newly accepted feelings.
19) With the desire to cheat or leave my wife very powerful, I worked to try to repair my marriage, though not always in ways that were helpful. I was eager to experience sex with a man; now that I had accepted this as a part of me, I decided I had to come out to my wife as bi-curious, as I believed this to be the only thing that would stop me from going through with hooking up with someone. From when I decided to tell her, it took a couple of years to get there, until I felt I had nothing to lose and finally shared this burden with her. I put it out there, she absorbed it, then we went back to normal to the point that I started to think that the conversation never happened, as if I dreamed it. Finally we discussed it, and she began to share her own feelings and desires about playing with a woman and said that it wasn't fair to deny me an opportunity to experience this side of myself. She wanted to be supportive, but needed time to reconcile the idea that sex and love could be separated.
20) Sharing this secret led to an openness between us, as we began to role-play and share fantasies. She became in touch with some repressed feelings, and began to listen to some of the podcasts I had listened to, and discovered this new world that I had found several years earlier. Talks of a possible three-way grew into talks of a foursome with another bi/curious couple to be found through a swinger website. Suddenly what was just fantasy was now possibility.
21) Seven months after sharing my big secret with my wife, on the week of our 20th anniversary, we met another couple we met through a swinger website for dinner and ended up going back to their place afterwards. We both experienced same-sex play (giving and receiving a blowjob and being on the receiving end of a flogger for me; kissing, feeling up and being licked by a woman for her). We left feeling no guilt or shame about what we did, and had hot sex repeatedly when we got home.
22) Having had oral sex with another man, I figured that I was no longer 100% straight, but wasn't sure how bi I actually was. I enjoyed the experience but did not find it transformational. I consider myself a Kinsey 2, and possibly more sexually adventurous than bisexual.
23) We are now seeking out other couples for friendship and sex. While this is very exciting and I am looking forward to the new experiences (and have seen it improve our relationship and sex life). I have some anxiety about having sex with another woman. I have always been a 'grower' who is small when not erect (avg. 6" when hard) and never had much of an issue with this, as no one saw me naked but my wife. Now I have some anxiety about being in sexual and non-sexual situations around other people, some much larger than me (when soft as well as erect). This is somewhat compounded by my fear of not being able to get hard with a new partner and letting them down with my small soft cock. I am determined not to let this stop me from these new experiences.
24) Despite the newfound openness and happiness, I have a hard time coming from blowjobs or intercourse (though I occasionally do), preferring to come after lots of sex from masturbating while my wife is sitting on my face and I am licking her pussy after I've satisfied her in other ways. I don't understand this, and it bothers me that I can't get off more easily without the help of my hand, in part because I am afraid that it may make her feel that she can't 'get' me to come.
25) Despite being in my forties and having a lower testosterone level, I have the libido of a teen and am as horny as I ever was, needing to come at least once a day. I think about sex constantly, and spend more time than I should on the swinger websites, reading profiles and emailing or chatting with other couples or possible partners for a threesome.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
1. I value my body and my sexuality very highly. Many would probably consider me uptight, and I used to agree with them, but now I understand that that isn’t it at all. I consider myself a highly sexual person, I love sex, I’m open-minded about sexual expression, and I think connection through sex is incredibly important to relationships and to a full life experience. But for those very reasons, casual sex with someone I don’t know very well and don’t feel connected to just for the physical sensation doesn’t appeal to me at all, because to me it would be so much less than what it can and should be.
2. I’ve recently identified myself as the Individualist/Romantic type in the Enneagram personality system, the driving feature of which is that I seek to understand myself and be understood by others as an utterly unique individual. I think I could be likened to a healthier, stronger Tereza in The Unbearable Lightness of Being, no matter how much I’d often like to be a Sabina. This viewpoint makes so many aspects of my relationships, sexual, romantic and otherwise, make so much sense, particularly #1.
3. I consider sexual orientation to be a spectrum. If completely heterosexual is a 0 and completely homosexual is a 10, with equal attraction to both sexes being a 5, I’d put myself around a 3.5. I’ve kissed women and once shared an orgasm with a woman, but I’ve never dated or had sex with a woman. I feel open to both with the right person, though I do wonder if the fact that I haven’t yet met a right woman might tell me the appeal is only theoretical.
4. I’m a single mom to my toddler. His dad and I were married about 5 years when I got pregnant unexpectedly, and he panicked. He’d barely talk about the baby and wouldn’t touch me. We literally did not have sex after I started showing. After my son was born and he finally understood that I was near leaving, we tried to fix it, but just couldn’t. I’m now elated to be on my own and am actively working through the emotional trauma of feeling rejected and abandoned during my pregnancy. That scene at the end of Kill Bill when Uma Thurman is lying on the floor laughing and crying and saying ‘thank you’ for being free to live her life with her daughter after the trauma Bill put her through? That’s exactly how I felt when I finally ended it.
5. I masturbate probably a little less than once a day on average. I find it to be an opportunity to release tension, to allow my mind to wander, for self-expression, and of course to feel really good. I feel the urge to masturbate most often when I’m working – I’m a graduate student and spend intense hours in front of a computer – fortunately I often work alone.
6. Ever since my son was born I’ve needed to masturbate differently. My technique used to typically be exclusively clitoral, but since then I’ve needed both clitoral and vaginal stimulation. I had a very difficult birth and have wondered if some of my nerve endings are now shot as a result, but my clitoris doesn’t feel less sensitive, I just don’t ever feel I can come that way. Maybe it’s hormonal? Psychological? I ought to explore that more.
7. Just in the past year or two I’ve finally embraced the fact that I’m most comfortable keeping most of my pubic hair. I shave my bikini line and trim when I remember, just enough to keep things tidy. I only shaved everything once and absolutely hated it – it itched, it got stubbly almost immediately, I found it disturbing to look like a little girl, and I felt physically vulnerable in a very disconcerting way.
8. I lost my virginity when I was 22. It was a huge deal for me, and the experience itself was emotionally intense and beautiful, but the circumstances left me an absolute wreck. It was with my high school boyfriend, my first love who had given me every first sexual experience I’d ever had and who I had never really gotten over. I felt it needed to be with him because I thought he might be the only one who could ever really get what it meant to me, and he did – the problem was he was with someone else at the time and had some attachment issues, causing him to panic and push me away afterwards.
9. I was raised Catholic and was very religious throughout my adolescence, which led to constant crises of conscious about my sexuality. I was taught (and generally believed) that sex in marriage was beautiful but that sex outside of marriage and masturbation were sins. I started masturbating around age 11 and felt guilty about it for years. When I fell in love in high school and experienced the ecstasy of touching and nakedness and oral sex, I constantly fluctuated between losing myself in it and trying to stop (my poor boyfriend was very patient and accepting of this). Gradually losing my belief in God and religion in college was the best thing that ever happened for developing healthy acceptance of my sexuality (and for growing as an individual in general).
10. I’ve recently discovered I have a submissive streak. I’m not talking sadomasochism or being made to feel powerless. But for me one of the sexiest things imaginable is for a truly giving partner to take control, maybe pull my hair a little, and to show and tell me what he wants, knowing what a turn-on it is for me to give it. One of the most profoundly affirming sexual experiences anyone has ever given me was to give me detailed instructions for how he wanted me to masturbate, how to explore and worship my body, and to then watch me carry them out for him. Totally incredible.
11. I cheated on my husband. I spent most of my pregnancy desperately reaching out to him for affection and closeness and love, only to be shut out without a word of explanation. Eventually I just shut down and didn’t feel anything for him anymore. Instead I fell for a supportive friend and suddenly found myself in an intense sexually explicit long-distance emotional affair that led to a single intense evening together. I didn’t fuck him (part of me still aches over that), but it was certainly enough to shake up my marriage badly. I’ve always felt strongly that cheating is wrong, and I suppose I still do. I just understand now that circumstances count. My circumstances are not an excuse, but they are most certainly an explanation. I have cheated but that is not who I am.
12. I’m currently experiencing my love for the friend I became involved with as an addiction. Deep down I’ve known this for some time, but it’s been difficult for me to admit and to begin to address. I wanted to hold out for some magic solution that would allow me to be with him (his love for me is kept carefully in a little box – in real life, he’s happily married with a baby on the way). And I’ve been afraid to let go for fear of never again feeling as much as I feel for him and of never finding anyone else who gets me the way he does.
13. I can’t orgasm without thinking about him. It’s not that when I think of anything else I can’t orgasm, it’s that I can’t think of anything else when I orgasm.
14. I felt most beautiful, feminine, and sexual when I was pregnant. My body bloomed, and for once in my life I was truly curvy and voluptuous. The awareness that my body was doing what it had evolved to do as a woman seemed to call for worship of it. Plus my hormones were going apeshit and I wasn’t getting any.
15. My breasts became much less firm after my baby was born and even less so when I stopped breastfeeding. I’m now reaching a point where I can see their sagginess and stretch marks with a sense of affection and appreciation as a symbol of what they’ve been able to do – feed and grow my baby for a year.
16. I was molested as a child, by the man who owned the daycare I attended when I was 5-6 years old. His abuse of other children was discovered and he was prosecuted, at which point it came up with my mom. I remember feeling deeply ashamed and that I had been bad for allowing it to happen. Still, I’m not quite sure how, but I think I came out only minimally scathed. I’ve experienced brief periods of intense distrust of most of the father figures in my life, I sometimes have trouble saying no, and I had some vulnerability and shame issues in the first days of my first sexual relationship, but I think recognizing where those feelings came from allowed me to process them and move past them.
17. I had a very healthy friends-with-benefits relationship in college. We were close and loved each other, we were enormously attracted to each other, but had reached a point where we were no longer interested in each other romantically. We were always completely honest with each other and never had to second-guess where we stood, so it worked beautifully. That honesty was absolutely key to no one getting hurt and to us staying friends.
18. For me, physical attraction stems strongly from mental and emotional connection. I find men who know they’re attractive and expect it to get them somewhere incredibly unattractive. If I were to define my ‘type’ it would be a smart, unique, thoughtful guy who perhaps compensates for having come through some persecution as a nerd with a bit of a bad boy streak, with a strong, creative sex drive lurking just beneath the surface. Hmm, probably slightly biased by my current obsession…
19. I once had an orgasm in my nipples. It wasn’t that I didn’t experience it in my clitoris – but it was like the sensitivity of my nipples and my clit were reversed. I never thought that was possible until it happened.
20. My enjoyment of blowjobs varies considerably. Depending on who I’m giving it to, how he tastes, his reactions, the mood I’m in, the state of our relationship, etc., I can feel anywhere from blissfully intimate and close and aroused to slightly used and slightly disgusted.
21. I’ve only swallowed once. It was the only time I wanted to. I was crazy about him, it was one of the few opportunities I’d had to be intimate with him, and the thought of not swallowing felt like rejection of an intimate, loved part of him. I loved it and have ached for the chance to repeat it many times since. He’s the only person who has ever inspired fantasies like this. Interestingly and sadly, I never felt that way about my husband. I think it’s largely because this person was a true sexual giver, and my husband was not.
22. I enjoy genuine porn and erotica on occasion, though I generally prefer to rely on my own creativity for inspiration. Doesn’t really seem to matter if it’s heterosexual, lesbian, or solo, visual or literary, it just has to be real – real people who really like each other having real orgasms. I even briefly found inspiration in the tamer material on a pretty hardcore BDSM site, simply because it was genuine and therefore felt healthy.
23. Before I had experienced sex or much sexual intimacy, my mental imagery during masturbation consisted of beautiful, almost psychedelic patterns, like I was floating down a hall or tunnel covered in richly detailed, colorful tapestries. Sometimes I miss that! Since then I’ve always visualized a partner in one way or another.
24. I’ve found that I enjoy the way I smell and taste, and exploring this has been an important part of a personal journey toward complete self-acceptance.
25. I decided to contribute this list in gratitude to all the strong, intelligent, sex-positive women out there who have had the courage and self-acceptance to share their sexuality in healthy ways and to embrace that vulnerability. I hope reading this will help other women to love and rejoice in the uniqueness of their own sexuality as these women have inspired me to do.
2. I’ve recently identified myself as the Individualist/Romantic type in the Enneagram personality system, the driving feature of which is that I seek to understand myself and be understood by others as an utterly unique individual. I think I could be likened to a healthier, stronger Tereza in The Unbearable Lightness of Being, no matter how much I’d often like to be a Sabina. This viewpoint makes so many aspects of my relationships, sexual, romantic and otherwise, make so much sense, particularly #1.
3. I consider sexual orientation to be a spectrum. If completely heterosexual is a 0 and completely homosexual is a 10, with equal attraction to both sexes being a 5, I’d put myself around a 3.5. I’ve kissed women and once shared an orgasm with a woman, but I’ve never dated or had sex with a woman. I feel open to both with the right person, though I do wonder if the fact that I haven’t yet met a right woman might tell me the appeal is only theoretical.
4. I’m a single mom to my toddler. His dad and I were married about 5 years when I got pregnant unexpectedly, and he panicked. He’d barely talk about the baby and wouldn’t touch me. We literally did not have sex after I started showing. After my son was born and he finally understood that I was near leaving, we tried to fix it, but just couldn’t. I’m now elated to be on my own and am actively working through the emotional trauma of feeling rejected and abandoned during my pregnancy. That scene at the end of Kill Bill when Uma Thurman is lying on the floor laughing and crying and saying ‘thank you’ for being free to live her life with her daughter after the trauma Bill put her through? That’s exactly how I felt when I finally ended it.
5. I masturbate probably a little less than once a day on average. I find it to be an opportunity to release tension, to allow my mind to wander, for self-expression, and of course to feel really good. I feel the urge to masturbate most often when I’m working – I’m a graduate student and spend intense hours in front of a computer – fortunately I often work alone.
6. Ever since my son was born I’ve needed to masturbate differently. My technique used to typically be exclusively clitoral, but since then I’ve needed both clitoral and vaginal stimulation. I had a very difficult birth and have wondered if some of my nerve endings are now shot as a result, but my clitoris doesn’t feel less sensitive, I just don’t ever feel I can come that way. Maybe it’s hormonal? Psychological? I ought to explore that more.
7. Just in the past year or two I’ve finally embraced the fact that I’m most comfortable keeping most of my pubic hair. I shave my bikini line and trim when I remember, just enough to keep things tidy. I only shaved everything once and absolutely hated it – it itched, it got stubbly almost immediately, I found it disturbing to look like a little girl, and I felt physically vulnerable in a very disconcerting way.
8. I lost my virginity when I was 22. It was a huge deal for me, and the experience itself was emotionally intense and beautiful, but the circumstances left me an absolute wreck. It was with my high school boyfriend, my first love who had given me every first sexual experience I’d ever had and who I had never really gotten over. I felt it needed to be with him because I thought he might be the only one who could ever really get what it meant to me, and he did – the problem was he was with someone else at the time and had some attachment issues, causing him to panic and push me away afterwards.
9. I was raised Catholic and was very religious throughout my adolescence, which led to constant crises of conscious about my sexuality. I was taught (and generally believed) that sex in marriage was beautiful but that sex outside of marriage and masturbation were sins. I started masturbating around age 11 and felt guilty about it for years. When I fell in love in high school and experienced the ecstasy of touching and nakedness and oral sex, I constantly fluctuated between losing myself in it and trying to stop (my poor boyfriend was very patient and accepting of this). Gradually losing my belief in God and religion in college was the best thing that ever happened for developing healthy acceptance of my sexuality (and for growing as an individual in general).
10. I’ve recently discovered I have a submissive streak. I’m not talking sadomasochism or being made to feel powerless. But for me one of the sexiest things imaginable is for a truly giving partner to take control, maybe pull my hair a little, and to show and tell me what he wants, knowing what a turn-on it is for me to give it. One of the most profoundly affirming sexual experiences anyone has ever given me was to give me detailed instructions for how he wanted me to masturbate, how to explore and worship my body, and to then watch me carry them out for him. Totally incredible.
11. I cheated on my husband. I spent most of my pregnancy desperately reaching out to him for affection and closeness and love, only to be shut out without a word of explanation. Eventually I just shut down and didn’t feel anything for him anymore. Instead I fell for a supportive friend and suddenly found myself in an intense sexually explicit long-distance emotional affair that led to a single intense evening together. I didn’t fuck him (part of me still aches over that), but it was certainly enough to shake up my marriage badly. I’ve always felt strongly that cheating is wrong, and I suppose I still do. I just understand now that circumstances count. My circumstances are not an excuse, but they are most certainly an explanation. I have cheated but that is not who I am.
12. I’m currently experiencing my love for the friend I became involved with as an addiction. Deep down I’ve known this for some time, but it’s been difficult for me to admit and to begin to address. I wanted to hold out for some magic solution that would allow me to be with him (his love for me is kept carefully in a little box – in real life, he’s happily married with a baby on the way). And I’ve been afraid to let go for fear of never again feeling as much as I feel for him and of never finding anyone else who gets me the way he does.
13. I can’t orgasm without thinking about him. It’s not that when I think of anything else I can’t orgasm, it’s that I can’t think of anything else when I orgasm.
14. I felt most beautiful, feminine, and sexual when I was pregnant. My body bloomed, and for once in my life I was truly curvy and voluptuous. The awareness that my body was doing what it had evolved to do as a woman seemed to call for worship of it. Plus my hormones were going apeshit and I wasn’t getting any.
15. My breasts became much less firm after my baby was born and even less so when I stopped breastfeeding. I’m now reaching a point where I can see their sagginess and stretch marks with a sense of affection and appreciation as a symbol of what they’ve been able to do – feed and grow my baby for a year.
16. I was molested as a child, by the man who owned the daycare I attended when I was 5-6 years old. His abuse of other children was discovered and he was prosecuted, at which point it came up with my mom. I remember feeling deeply ashamed and that I had been bad for allowing it to happen. Still, I’m not quite sure how, but I think I came out only minimally scathed. I’ve experienced brief periods of intense distrust of most of the father figures in my life, I sometimes have trouble saying no, and I had some vulnerability and shame issues in the first days of my first sexual relationship, but I think recognizing where those feelings came from allowed me to process them and move past them.
17. I had a very healthy friends-with-benefits relationship in college. We were close and loved each other, we were enormously attracted to each other, but had reached a point where we were no longer interested in each other romantically. We were always completely honest with each other and never had to second-guess where we stood, so it worked beautifully. That honesty was absolutely key to no one getting hurt and to us staying friends.
18. For me, physical attraction stems strongly from mental and emotional connection. I find men who know they’re attractive and expect it to get them somewhere incredibly unattractive. If I were to define my ‘type’ it would be a smart, unique, thoughtful guy who perhaps compensates for having come through some persecution as a nerd with a bit of a bad boy streak, with a strong, creative sex drive lurking just beneath the surface. Hmm, probably slightly biased by my current obsession…
19. I once had an orgasm in my nipples. It wasn’t that I didn’t experience it in my clitoris – but it was like the sensitivity of my nipples and my clit were reversed. I never thought that was possible until it happened.
20. My enjoyment of blowjobs varies considerably. Depending on who I’m giving it to, how he tastes, his reactions, the mood I’m in, the state of our relationship, etc., I can feel anywhere from blissfully intimate and close and aroused to slightly used and slightly disgusted.
21. I’ve only swallowed once. It was the only time I wanted to. I was crazy about him, it was one of the few opportunities I’d had to be intimate with him, and the thought of not swallowing felt like rejection of an intimate, loved part of him. I loved it and have ached for the chance to repeat it many times since. He’s the only person who has ever inspired fantasies like this. Interestingly and sadly, I never felt that way about my husband. I think it’s largely because this person was a true sexual giver, and my husband was not.
22. I enjoy genuine porn and erotica on occasion, though I generally prefer to rely on my own creativity for inspiration. Doesn’t really seem to matter if it’s heterosexual, lesbian, or solo, visual or literary, it just has to be real – real people who really like each other having real orgasms. I even briefly found inspiration in the tamer material on a pretty hardcore BDSM site, simply because it was genuine and therefore felt healthy.
23. Before I had experienced sex or much sexual intimacy, my mental imagery during masturbation consisted of beautiful, almost psychedelic patterns, like I was floating down a hall or tunnel covered in richly detailed, colorful tapestries. Sometimes I miss that! Since then I’ve always visualized a partner in one way or another.
24. I’ve found that I enjoy the way I smell and taste, and exploring this has been an important part of a personal journey toward complete self-acceptance.
25. I decided to contribute this list in gratitude to all the strong, intelligent, sex-positive women out there who have had the courage and self-acceptance to share their sexuality in healthy ways and to embrace that vulnerability. I hope reading this will help other women to love and rejoice in the uniqueness of their own sexuality as these women have inspired me to do.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
1. I have a very high libido. It's always been this way, but until recently I never acted on it.
2. I've been married for over twelve years, I'm a PTA member and head of the school bake sale. I'm also polyamorous. I've had a lover for the last year, and just started meeting new men for possible adventure. My husband is cool with our arrangement, but chooses to not be part of it. My lover knows about everything, and will hopefully soon be part of it.
3. I had my first orgasm when I was five or six years old. I remember rubbing against my pillow and suddenly being overcome with ecstasy. I immediately tried to recreate the experience.
4. I masturbate almost every day - mostly with my vibrator, but sometimes with my hands so I'll be self-sufficient in the event of a worldwide battery shortage.
5. My lover has a HUGE cock. I LOOOVE his HUGE cock. I cannot get enough of his HUGE cock. I wish his HUGE cock was inside of me right now and a minimum of five times a day.
6. I've been part of two soft threesomes (one man, two women). Both times I was the only one who had full-on penetration with the men. I think this is due to my vanity/ego needing to feel like the main/most important woman in the mix. I'm currently working on this - I'd like to be a bit more generous if the opportunity ever presents itself again.
7. I've had anal sex three times and loved it. The first time it took some getting used to, but once I relaxed the pleasure was off the hook. The second time was with my main man. We were concerned he might hurt me due to his size, but he was so gentle, slow, and careful it turned out to be totally amazing. The third time was with an additional guy I'd been seeing, the Ass Man. I was so into it I hardly noticed that it was entirely too fast, too rough, and for too many hours. It took over a week for me to heal. I will NOT do that again.
8. I love sucking cock and love sucking balls, and always aspire to do my personal best to please. Hand-jobs seem to be my downfall. I'm working on this too.
9. It feels disingenuous to say I enjoy rimming, but in the heat of the moment I'll do it without hesitation and it does excite me. I enjoy having it done to me too, not so much for the sensation, but because of how naughty it feels.
10. I wish I were brave enough to be with two men at the same time. I imagine being the center of so much pleasure and attention would be intoxicating for me.
11. My college boyfriend and I once had sex on a stack of coats during my parents' big Christmas party at our home. It was so hot I still take the memory out of the spank bank every now and then.
12. I love porn, especially amateur porn and home videos. Sometimes I don't beat off to them. But mostly I do.
13. My husband is the only person who can make me come with oral sex. I think the reason it's his specialty is because it's an incredibly intimate act and he loves me more than anyone else in this world. I love him too. We just have different needs.
14. I like a powerful man who knows how to take charge - hair pulling, ear biting, rough sex, anything that taps into that primal energy makes me crazy.
15. Sometimes when I masturbate I fantasize I'm a young girl from Roman times being forced to have sex with an undesirable, hostile, old man in exchange for some family favor in front of a group of onlookers. Sometimes I fantasize I'm a peasant girl in the Victorian age and for some mysterious reason the king is trying to impregnate me (I think maybe the queen keeps having girls and if I get pregs w/a boy they'll steel the baby from me and pass it off as hers). He fucks me as an audience yells their demands that I conceive a boy. OK, this is the last one I'll tell - sometimes I fantasize I'm part of a woodland village and before all the men head off to battle they all line up and take turns going down on me; the man who makes me come is the man who will lead the tribe to victory.
16. I have no idea why those fantasies come to me when I jerk off! Maybe I subconsciously want to be part of a gang bang.
17. I cannot help being very loud when having sex. Sometimes I wish my lover would just cover my mouth.
18. I'm into dirty talk, especially when it's very close to my ear.
19. My favorite orgasms come from deep penetration. The deeper, the better.
20. I think I might be ready to explore a woman's body. I wish the hot young thing at my coffee shop would give me a sign.
21. I once fooled around with my friend's husband while she watched, then the two of them had sex right next to me and I watched. It was hot!
22. I have recently acquired a lover, Superman. He put me in positions I had absolutely no idea my body could accommodate. Today he asked if I've ever done DP. I have not. I will definitely be seeing Superman again.
23. I feel massive guilt about what I'm doing. My husband is home with the kid when I romp with my lover and go out meeting potential new lovers. Also, when I do the mom thing I often daydream about the dirty fun I'll be having later (or had the night before). I'd be happy if I had sex every single day, especially when I'm ovulating, because getting fucked hard is the only thing that eases the pain of that time. My husband could go his whole life without it (family issues, shame issues, lack of experience, etc.). This arrangement seems to works for us, but it feels like I'm carrying such a dirty secret. I really wish more people understood.
24. I was a faithful wife for ten years of a mostly sexless marriage. In the last two years I've slept with four men. It feels like I've been reborn. This is who I am.
25. I wish my husband wanted me the way my lovers do.
2. I've been married for over twelve years, I'm a PTA member and head of the school bake sale. I'm also polyamorous. I've had a lover for the last year, and just started meeting new men for possible adventure. My husband is cool with our arrangement, but chooses to not be part of it. My lover knows about everything, and will hopefully soon be part of it.
3. I had my first orgasm when I was five or six years old. I remember rubbing against my pillow and suddenly being overcome with ecstasy. I immediately tried to recreate the experience.
4. I masturbate almost every day - mostly with my vibrator, but sometimes with my hands so I'll be self-sufficient in the event of a worldwide battery shortage.
5. My lover has a HUGE cock. I LOOOVE his HUGE cock. I cannot get enough of his HUGE cock. I wish his HUGE cock was inside of me right now and a minimum of five times a day.
6. I've been part of two soft threesomes (one man, two women). Both times I was the only one who had full-on penetration with the men. I think this is due to my vanity/ego needing to feel like the main/most important woman in the mix. I'm currently working on this - I'd like to be a bit more generous if the opportunity ever presents itself again.
7. I've had anal sex three times and loved it. The first time it took some getting used to, but once I relaxed the pleasure was off the hook. The second time was with my main man. We were concerned he might hurt me due to his size, but he was so gentle, slow, and careful it turned out to be totally amazing. The third time was with an additional guy I'd been seeing, the Ass Man. I was so into it I hardly noticed that it was entirely too fast, too rough, and for too many hours. It took over a week for me to heal. I will NOT do that again.
8. I love sucking cock and love sucking balls, and always aspire to do my personal best to please. Hand-jobs seem to be my downfall. I'm working on this too.
9. It feels disingenuous to say I enjoy rimming, but in the heat of the moment I'll do it without hesitation and it does excite me. I enjoy having it done to me too, not so much for the sensation, but because of how naughty it feels.
10. I wish I were brave enough to be with two men at the same time. I imagine being the center of so much pleasure and attention would be intoxicating for me.
11. My college boyfriend and I once had sex on a stack of coats during my parents' big Christmas party at our home. It was so hot I still take the memory out of the spank bank every now and then.
12. I love porn, especially amateur porn and home videos. Sometimes I don't beat off to them. But mostly I do.
13. My husband is the only person who can make me come with oral sex. I think the reason it's his specialty is because it's an incredibly intimate act and he loves me more than anyone else in this world. I love him too. We just have different needs.
14. I like a powerful man who knows how to take charge - hair pulling, ear biting, rough sex, anything that taps into that primal energy makes me crazy.
15. Sometimes when I masturbate I fantasize I'm a young girl from Roman times being forced to have sex with an undesirable, hostile, old man in exchange for some family favor in front of a group of onlookers. Sometimes I fantasize I'm a peasant girl in the Victorian age and for some mysterious reason the king is trying to impregnate me (I think maybe the queen keeps having girls and if I get pregs w/a boy they'll steel the baby from me and pass it off as hers). He fucks me as an audience yells their demands that I conceive a boy. OK, this is the last one I'll tell - sometimes I fantasize I'm part of a woodland village and before all the men head off to battle they all line up and take turns going down on me; the man who makes me come is the man who will lead the tribe to victory.
16. I have no idea why those fantasies come to me when I jerk off! Maybe I subconsciously want to be part of a gang bang.
17. I cannot help being very loud when having sex. Sometimes I wish my lover would just cover my mouth.
18. I'm into dirty talk, especially when it's very close to my ear.
19. My favorite orgasms come from deep penetration. The deeper, the better.
20. I think I might be ready to explore a woman's body. I wish the hot young thing at my coffee shop would give me a sign.
21. I once fooled around with my friend's husband while she watched, then the two of them had sex right next to me and I watched. It was hot!
22. I have recently acquired a lover, Superman. He put me in positions I had absolutely no idea my body could accommodate. Today he asked if I've ever done DP. I have not. I will definitely be seeing Superman again.
23. I feel massive guilt about what I'm doing. My husband is home with the kid when I romp with my lover and go out meeting potential new lovers. Also, when I do the mom thing I often daydream about the dirty fun I'll be having later (or had the night before). I'd be happy if I had sex every single day, especially when I'm ovulating, because getting fucked hard is the only thing that eases the pain of that time. My husband could go his whole life without it (family issues, shame issues, lack of experience, etc.). This arrangement seems to works for us, but it feels like I'm carrying such a dirty secret. I really wish more people understood.
24. I was a faithful wife for ten years of a mostly sexless marriage. In the last two years I've slept with four men. It feels like I've been reborn. This is who I am.
25. I wish my husband wanted me the way my lovers do.
Monday, April 9, 2012
1. I am a 42-year-old, married, heterosexual male, and I think I have had sex with about 80 women; I say "I think" because for a while I was on a rampage, seeking validation of some sort, and somewhere along the way I lost count.
2. One definite thing about me is I absolutely LOVE breasts. It doesn't matter if they are small or huge, natural or not - I love breasts and honestly cannot understand how there are men who do not. There is just something about holding them, touching them, sucking them. I especially love to see them bouncing.
3. Speaking of bouncing, my absolute favorite sexual activity is to be ridden and watch breasts bouncing.
4. I love to hear a woman talk dirty to me. In my experiences, not a lot of women will do it because they think they sound silly, but trust me ladies, if you throw in a well-placed "fuck my pussy" or something like that, it will make a world of difference to your guy.
5. I am often told I am an attractive man, but for so long I was always told I was too skinny, so somewhere along the way I developed some type of complex about it. I guess that is the root of the uncertainty of the number mentioned in #1. I have since gained weight (6'2", 190 lbs) but I guess it's kind of like people who lose weight and still see themselves as fat. Funny how our brains work, huh?
6. I have a fetish of smelling women's panties. When I visit someone and use their bathroom I always look for a hamper and hope there are panties in it. On occasion I have taken a pair so that I could masturbate in them later. I prefer panties that have a fair amount of discharge in them because there is something primal about knowing that came out of that woman's pussy. Plus it holds her scent so much longer.
7. I have a pre-paid phone I use to talk to women I know or meet. Well, actually we usually just text back and forth. I was initially amazed that I could randomly text women I know and without telling them who I was that they'd start confessing all types of sexual things to me. A few of them I have let know it was me, but most of them don't. Sometimes they will text me to tell me what color panties they are wearing, and a few have sent me pics.
8. I love to give oral sex. There is just something intimate and very mentally pleasing about having my face between a woman's legs and tasting/smelling her. I actually prefer to do it after she has been working or running errands all day as opposed to when she is freshly showered. Doing it after she has washed up takes away all the natural flavor and scent, and there's nothing to taste; I may as well be licking on plastic.
9. Most people would look at me and consider me a pretty plain, boring person and never guess I have a Prince Albert. I consider it a marital aid, and my wife loves it.
10. One woman I would LOVE to have sex with is my sister-in-law, although I know it will never happen. She's one of those women that just oozes sexuality without even trying. She is also one of the women I text with, and after much time and after she'd divulged a lot of personal info I finally told her it was me; needless to say she was totally shocked. We send each other flirty texts throughout the day just to break the monotony.
11. As I have gotten older I have begun to see that I am becoming more and more open to different aspects of my sexuality. I don't think I'll ever be open to male-male interaction, but pretty much anything else is up for consideration. I'd like to see my wife with another man. I think it would help me be a better lover to her if I could sit back and watch how she responds to certain touches and movements. Besides, I'm not above thinking I can learn a few things from someone else, and maybe he'd bring something to the table that I never even considered.
12. I would love to experience a golden shower.
13. I like to have my testicles tickled from behind. Sure, it feels good if we are facing one another or any other position, but damn if it doesn't feel good if I am lying on my stomach and my balls are touched with a feather, tongue, or lightly with fingers.
14. If I don't have sex then I masturbate. I cannot recall the last time I went 24 hours without coming. When I travel and check into a hotel I always masturbate as soon as I get there - kind of like planting a symbolic flag, I guess.
15. Whenever I travel, my wife gives me a few pairs of her panties she's made so I can smell them and come in them while I am gone. Maybe once or twice I have left them where someone could find them and have even watched a few times to see people's expressions - talk about priceless! I have even seen a few people slide them in their pocket, bag, or briefcase.
16. I am not one to get caught up in the wild, crazy positions to have sex. For me the excitement comes in the place we have sex. Of course, the more risky the better it is for me. Too bad my wife isn't as adventurous and open to the idea.
17. My fuck-et list includes being with women of different races (Caucasian, Asian, Hispanic), an orgy, going to a nudist resort, a midget (little person, to be PC), sex in public, domination, and extreme bondage.
18. Speaking of sex with women of different races, I am somehow drawn to middle-aged white women (think soccer-mom type), young Asian women, and both young and middle aged Hispanic women. Don't know what that means but I am sure a shrink would have a field day with that one.
19. Not sure how I let this one slip all the way down here, but when I orgasm I have full body orgasms, meaning I come HARD. It's like every nerve in my body is firing at the same time, and even the slightest touch feels like a million volts of electricity shooting through me. I used to be embarrassed about it but as I have gotten older I have found most women really like it. And hell, it feels good, so win-win!
20. I had an affair with a woman I worked with and she was absolutely amazing in bed! There was nothing off-limits with her and she loved sex as much as I do. Unfortunately, she started acting crazy and that was the end of that.
21. I fantasize about sex all day, every day. There have been times I was shaking the hand of a colleague and wondered what she looks like when she comes, what color panties she's wearing, what her fetishes are, what she tastes like and, most importantly, what it would take to get her in bed.
22. One of my biggest fantasies is to come home and find my wife has gotten me a woman for my own pleasure, to do whatever I want. After allowing me my time with her she comes back and all three of us indulge in the most erotic sex ever.
23. I often wish there was a way I could know the number of women that have masturbated to the thought of me and the number that have wanted to fuck me. Who couldn't use that ego boost every now and then?
24. I love to lick my wife clean after I come inside her. There is just something about the way we taste together and hell, if I expect her to swallow mine or lick me clean after we're done, there's no reason I shouldn't do the same for her. I love using my mouth during sex.
25. There is nothing better than having sex. If I could go every day with a new partner I would. Not that I don't love my wife, but every woman brings something different, and it would be incredible to experience as many as possible.
2. One definite thing about me is I absolutely LOVE breasts. It doesn't matter if they are small or huge, natural or not - I love breasts and honestly cannot understand how there are men who do not. There is just something about holding them, touching them, sucking them. I especially love to see them bouncing.
3. Speaking of bouncing, my absolute favorite sexual activity is to be ridden and watch breasts bouncing.
4. I love to hear a woman talk dirty to me. In my experiences, not a lot of women will do it because they think they sound silly, but trust me ladies, if you throw in a well-placed "fuck my pussy" or something like that, it will make a world of difference to your guy.
5. I am often told I am an attractive man, but for so long I was always told I was too skinny, so somewhere along the way I developed some type of complex about it. I guess that is the root of the uncertainty of the number mentioned in #1. I have since gained weight (6'2", 190 lbs) but I guess it's kind of like people who lose weight and still see themselves as fat. Funny how our brains work, huh?
6. I have a fetish of smelling women's panties. When I visit someone and use their bathroom I always look for a hamper and hope there are panties in it. On occasion I have taken a pair so that I could masturbate in them later. I prefer panties that have a fair amount of discharge in them because there is something primal about knowing that came out of that woman's pussy. Plus it holds her scent so much longer.
7. I have a pre-paid phone I use to talk to women I know or meet. Well, actually we usually just text back and forth. I was initially amazed that I could randomly text women I know and without telling them who I was that they'd start confessing all types of sexual things to me. A few of them I have let know it was me, but most of them don't. Sometimes they will text me to tell me what color panties they are wearing, and a few have sent me pics.
8. I love to give oral sex. There is just something intimate and very mentally pleasing about having my face between a woman's legs and tasting/smelling her. I actually prefer to do it after she has been working or running errands all day as opposed to when she is freshly showered. Doing it after she has washed up takes away all the natural flavor and scent, and there's nothing to taste; I may as well be licking on plastic.
9. Most people would look at me and consider me a pretty plain, boring person and never guess I have a Prince Albert. I consider it a marital aid, and my wife loves it.
10. One woman I would LOVE to have sex with is my sister-in-law, although I know it will never happen. She's one of those women that just oozes sexuality without even trying. She is also one of the women I text with, and after much time and after she'd divulged a lot of personal info I finally told her it was me; needless to say she was totally shocked. We send each other flirty texts throughout the day just to break the monotony.
11. As I have gotten older I have begun to see that I am becoming more and more open to different aspects of my sexuality. I don't think I'll ever be open to male-male interaction, but pretty much anything else is up for consideration. I'd like to see my wife with another man. I think it would help me be a better lover to her if I could sit back and watch how she responds to certain touches and movements. Besides, I'm not above thinking I can learn a few things from someone else, and maybe he'd bring something to the table that I never even considered.
12. I would love to experience a golden shower.
13. I like to have my testicles tickled from behind. Sure, it feels good if we are facing one another or any other position, but damn if it doesn't feel good if I am lying on my stomach and my balls are touched with a feather, tongue, or lightly with fingers.
14. If I don't have sex then I masturbate. I cannot recall the last time I went 24 hours without coming. When I travel and check into a hotel I always masturbate as soon as I get there - kind of like planting a symbolic flag, I guess.
15. Whenever I travel, my wife gives me a few pairs of her panties she's made so I can smell them and come in them while I am gone. Maybe once or twice I have left them where someone could find them and have even watched a few times to see people's expressions - talk about priceless! I have even seen a few people slide them in their pocket, bag, or briefcase.
16. I am not one to get caught up in the wild, crazy positions to have sex. For me the excitement comes in the place we have sex. Of course, the more risky the better it is for me. Too bad my wife isn't as adventurous and open to the idea.
17. My fuck-et list includes being with women of different races (Caucasian, Asian, Hispanic), an orgy, going to a nudist resort, a midget (little person, to be PC), sex in public, domination, and extreme bondage.
18. Speaking of sex with women of different races, I am somehow drawn to middle-aged white women (think soccer-mom type), young Asian women, and both young and middle aged Hispanic women. Don't know what that means but I am sure a shrink would have a field day with that one.
19. Not sure how I let this one slip all the way down here, but when I orgasm I have full body orgasms, meaning I come HARD. It's like every nerve in my body is firing at the same time, and even the slightest touch feels like a million volts of electricity shooting through me. I used to be embarrassed about it but as I have gotten older I have found most women really like it. And hell, it feels good, so win-win!
20. I had an affair with a woman I worked with and she was absolutely amazing in bed! There was nothing off-limits with her and she loved sex as much as I do. Unfortunately, she started acting crazy and that was the end of that.
21. I fantasize about sex all day, every day. There have been times I was shaking the hand of a colleague and wondered what she looks like when she comes, what color panties she's wearing, what her fetishes are, what she tastes like and, most importantly, what it would take to get her in bed.
22. One of my biggest fantasies is to come home and find my wife has gotten me a woman for my own pleasure, to do whatever I want. After allowing me my time with her she comes back and all three of us indulge in the most erotic sex ever.
23. I often wish there was a way I could know the number of women that have masturbated to the thought of me and the number that have wanted to fuck me. Who couldn't use that ego boost every now and then?
24. I love to lick my wife clean after I come inside her. There is just something about the way we taste together and hell, if I expect her to swallow mine or lick me clean after we're done, there's no reason I shouldn't do the same for her. I love using my mouth during sex.
25. There is nothing better than having sex. If I could go every day with a new partner I would. Not that I don't love my wife, but every woman brings something different, and it would be incredible to experience as many as possible.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
1) I am 22, female-bodied and of ever-changing sexual orientation.
2) I go for effeminate men: long hair, slim, beautiful in their own way. Although sometimes I can’t keep my mind off the men with the big muscles and deep voices, but they scare me.
3) As for women, I usually go for the girls that I admire: either curvy, wide hips, beautiful face, big eyes, full breasts. Or the adorable little androgynous, slim girls with the pixie haircuts and shy faces.
4) I, myself, am fairly tall, curvy and, I like to think, quite pretty. Well, apparently I’m “striking”. I have fantastically large, sensitive breasts and slutty eyes.
5) My sex-drive has two gears: off and ON! I’m usually more turned to ON! than off.
6) Despite an openness towards sex (I love talking about sex, my postgrad degree focuses on the history of pornography and prostitution) and a love of trying out new things, I do feel a fair amount of shyness about the act itself. Luckily I have a very understanding partner.
7) Part of this shyness stems from feelings of inadequacy because I’m unable to come other than from clitoral stimulation (although that does result in completely explosive orgasms – lucky me!) and only once each session. And even then it takes a while, which I feel limits possibilities. To treat myself and my partner occasionally I make the decision to not come at all and just enjoy sex in as many silly positions as possible. I find this sort of sex a lot more liberating, a lot less stressful and a lot more fun, although it ultimately ends in huge amounts of frustration…
8) I lost my virginity to a boy I both loved and hated, it hurt, it lasted about 10 seconds before I asked him to stop and we never had sex again. It wasn’t until my next relationship that I properly got to experience the joys of PIV sex.
9) Before I lost my virginity I had experimented with everything but full intercourse with a number of boys and girls. I think it gave me a sense of self-worth, considering I was so shy and didn’t have many friends.
10) I read a book for teenagers that described a girl’s first time and I wanted to know what it felt like. I broke my hymen with a biro pen.
11) I had a couple of female friends who I would visit (separately) and we would take our clothes off and pretend to have sex like grown-ups. I remember really enjoying it but I wasn’t sure why. I always felt guilty and embarrassed about this until I started reading 25 Things and realized many people have similar experiences.
12) My relationship with sex has always been difficult. For a long time it was partly about feeling a sense of self-worth and partly because I was super horny. It has only been since my current partner and I started dating (around about eighteen months ago) that I’ve started to feel like I have sex because I WANT sex, without the element of self-esteem boosting. My current partner is the only person I haven’t cheated on. I think that speaks volumes.
13) I masturbate regularly, always have. I used to rely on my imagination alone but since I discovered porn I’ve got lazy. I love porn. And erotica.
14) My imagination always used to revolve around having sex in public places, having sex with multiple partners or imagining my partner fucking another girl.
15) The porn I enjoy is almost always lesbian/solo female or male Dom female sub. I hate seeing penises in porn. I also hate porn where the girl doesn’t come, or at least be seen to enjoy it a LOT. I don’t mind disembodied male hands in porn, though. Occasionally I enjoy watching girls being fisted or fucked by huge toys. And I always enjoy squirt porn.
16) I love being fisted. I just love being stretched. According to my current boyfriend I have an incredibly tight vagina. According to a previous boyfriend I have a “surprisingly tight” vagina. I think the latter is a bit offensive. I can also squirt. An ex-partner really enjoyed watching girls squirt so we decided to see if I could. I can. And I love it.
17) I love anal, although I see it more as a special-occasion kind of activity. The first time I tried it it was horrible and I avoided it for years, but my current partner and I decided to try again and now I think it’s fantastic. I love playing with his arse too. We both want to try pegging at some point but I think we’re both a bit nervous.
18) I love giving blowjobs more than any other sexual activity. I get insanely wet. I like long, drawn out blowjobs with ball-play and rimming. I also like having my head grabbed and fucked, as long as I trust the guy.
19) My partner can have multiple orgasms. We worked on it together and now he does almost every time we fuck. I really love it, although I am quite jealous. We’re working on my multiple orgasms now. There’s something there, I think, but it’s yet to become anything that I would classify as such.
20) I love thinking about my partner having sex with other women. I have for as long as I can remember. Nothing gets me going more than being fingered while he whispers in my ear about previous encounters and possible future encounters.
21) I have had multiple threesomes, mainly MMF, although my favorite was an MFF in Croatia, with two people I’d never met before while my then-boyfriend was at home in the UK. I feel guilty about this, but it doesn’t detract from the fact that that threesome was awesome fun. She got so wet and so turned on, it was incredible. I’ve never had a threesome with a boyfriend. Despite the fact I love fantasizing about them having sex with other girls, I’m not sure how I’d feel once it came down to it. I think it would have to be a very specific situation.
22) I’d like to take part in swinging/group sex, although I don’t think my current partner is too up for the idea. I’d also like to have sex with an audience, and I think he’s slightly more up for that.
23) In everyday life I’m quite dominant. Interestingly, sexually, I’m very submissive. I like being restrained, talked down to, spanked, bitten and treated roughly. Having said that, I’m not particularly into BDSM (other than in porn); from what I’ve experienced, it’s just not for me. That being said, I think I’d love it in a proper dungeon, with someone who knows what they’re doing. I also quite like the idea of slave-training. Maybe one day I’ll be lucky enough.
24) I struggle trusting men, I was abused sexually as a child and have had a few unfortunate encounters in later life – people not stopping when I’ve asked, taking me by force, etc. I try not to blame myself for the latter, but it’s hard when I feel like I’ve put myself in those situations that give people the opportunity. That being said, if another woman goes through a similar situation I’m on her side all the way, so maybe I’m just too tough on myself. I’m trying to move on from these and trust people, but it’s hard.
25) I have found 25 Things the most empowering website, it has opened my eyes to so many things and made me realize that a lot of the experiences I’ve had have been shared by other people too. It has helped me to come to terms with my own confused sexuality and accept myself, rather than second-guess everything.
2) I go for effeminate men: long hair, slim, beautiful in their own way. Although sometimes I can’t keep my mind off the men with the big muscles and deep voices, but they scare me.
3) As for women, I usually go for the girls that I admire: either curvy, wide hips, beautiful face, big eyes, full breasts. Or the adorable little androgynous, slim girls with the pixie haircuts and shy faces.
4) I, myself, am fairly tall, curvy and, I like to think, quite pretty. Well, apparently I’m “striking”. I have fantastically large, sensitive breasts and slutty eyes.
5) My sex-drive has two gears: off and ON! I’m usually more turned to ON! than off.
6) Despite an openness towards sex (I love talking about sex, my postgrad degree focuses on the history of pornography and prostitution) and a love of trying out new things, I do feel a fair amount of shyness about the act itself. Luckily I have a very understanding partner.
7) Part of this shyness stems from feelings of inadequacy because I’m unable to come other than from clitoral stimulation (although that does result in completely explosive orgasms – lucky me!) and only once each session. And even then it takes a while, which I feel limits possibilities. To treat myself and my partner occasionally I make the decision to not come at all and just enjoy sex in as many silly positions as possible. I find this sort of sex a lot more liberating, a lot less stressful and a lot more fun, although it ultimately ends in huge amounts of frustration…
8) I lost my virginity to a boy I both loved and hated, it hurt, it lasted about 10 seconds before I asked him to stop and we never had sex again. It wasn’t until my next relationship that I properly got to experience the joys of PIV sex.
9) Before I lost my virginity I had experimented with everything but full intercourse with a number of boys and girls. I think it gave me a sense of self-worth, considering I was so shy and didn’t have many friends.
10) I read a book for teenagers that described a girl’s first time and I wanted to know what it felt like. I broke my hymen with a biro pen.
11) I had a couple of female friends who I would visit (separately) and we would take our clothes off and pretend to have sex like grown-ups. I remember really enjoying it but I wasn’t sure why. I always felt guilty and embarrassed about this until I started reading 25 Things and realized many people have similar experiences.
12) My relationship with sex has always been difficult. For a long time it was partly about feeling a sense of self-worth and partly because I was super horny. It has only been since my current partner and I started dating (around about eighteen months ago) that I’ve started to feel like I have sex because I WANT sex, without the element of self-esteem boosting. My current partner is the only person I haven’t cheated on. I think that speaks volumes.
13) I masturbate regularly, always have. I used to rely on my imagination alone but since I discovered porn I’ve got lazy. I love porn. And erotica.
14) My imagination always used to revolve around having sex in public places, having sex with multiple partners or imagining my partner fucking another girl.
15) The porn I enjoy is almost always lesbian/solo female or male Dom female sub. I hate seeing penises in porn. I also hate porn where the girl doesn’t come, or at least be seen to enjoy it a LOT. I don’t mind disembodied male hands in porn, though. Occasionally I enjoy watching girls being fisted or fucked by huge toys. And I always enjoy squirt porn.
16) I love being fisted. I just love being stretched. According to my current boyfriend I have an incredibly tight vagina. According to a previous boyfriend I have a “surprisingly tight” vagina. I think the latter is a bit offensive. I can also squirt. An ex-partner really enjoyed watching girls squirt so we decided to see if I could. I can. And I love it.
17) I love anal, although I see it more as a special-occasion kind of activity. The first time I tried it it was horrible and I avoided it for years, but my current partner and I decided to try again and now I think it’s fantastic. I love playing with his arse too. We both want to try pegging at some point but I think we’re both a bit nervous.
18) I love giving blowjobs more than any other sexual activity. I get insanely wet. I like long, drawn out blowjobs with ball-play and rimming. I also like having my head grabbed and fucked, as long as I trust the guy.
19) My partner can have multiple orgasms. We worked on it together and now he does almost every time we fuck. I really love it, although I am quite jealous. We’re working on my multiple orgasms now. There’s something there, I think, but it’s yet to become anything that I would classify as such.
20) I love thinking about my partner having sex with other women. I have for as long as I can remember. Nothing gets me going more than being fingered while he whispers in my ear about previous encounters and possible future encounters.
21) I have had multiple threesomes, mainly MMF, although my favorite was an MFF in Croatia, with two people I’d never met before while my then-boyfriend was at home in the UK. I feel guilty about this, but it doesn’t detract from the fact that that threesome was awesome fun. She got so wet and so turned on, it was incredible. I’ve never had a threesome with a boyfriend. Despite the fact I love fantasizing about them having sex with other girls, I’m not sure how I’d feel once it came down to it. I think it would have to be a very specific situation.
22) I’d like to take part in swinging/group sex, although I don’t think my current partner is too up for the idea. I’d also like to have sex with an audience, and I think he’s slightly more up for that.
23) In everyday life I’m quite dominant. Interestingly, sexually, I’m very submissive. I like being restrained, talked down to, spanked, bitten and treated roughly. Having said that, I’m not particularly into BDSM (other than in porn); from what I’ve experienced, it’s just not for me. That being said, I think I’d love it in a proper dungeon, with someone who knows what they’re doing. I also quite like the idea of slave-training. Maybe one day I’ll be lucky enough.
24) I struggle trusting men, I was abused sexually as a child and have had a few unfortunate encounters in later life – people not stopping when I’ve asked, taking me by force, etc. I try not to blame myself for the latter, but it’s hard when I feel like I’ve put myself in those situations that give people the opportunity. That being said, if another woman goes through a similar situation I’m on her side all the way, so maybe I’m just too tough on myself. I’m trying to move on from these and trust people, but it’s hard.
25) I have found 25 Things the most empowering website, it has opened my eyes to so many things and made me realize that a lot of the experiences I’ve had have been shared by other people too. It has helped me to come to terms with my own confused sexuality and accept myself, rather than second-guess everything.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
1. I’m a 27-year-old, mostly heterosexual woman from Germany.
2. I say “mostly heterosexual” because I had sex with a woman once, and even though I felt a bit overwhelmed by her beautiful body and her self-confidence, I wouldn’t mind having further sexual experiences with women. I like the taste of the female body, the smooth skin, and I feel attracted to a lot of women in my environment.
3. So far, I have slept with nine men and made out with some more.
4. I lost my virginity when I was 20, with my first boyfriend. I was deeply in love with him and our relationship lasted almost two years. When he broke up with me, I was truly devastated and it took me years to recover.
5. One of my friends summarized it correctly: “When he left you, he took your smile with you.” He was my first true love, and before we met, I had been convinced I’d never find a guy who loves me just the way I am. I have serious issues with body and my weight. My friends say I am a womanly, chubby yet attractive girl. Most of the time, I disagree. I consider myself overweight, even fat if compared to other women. I’ve been seeing a therapist for two and a half year (eating disorder, depression), and even though that was enormously supportive and helped me to sort a lot of things out, being naked still makes me feel very uncomfortable.
6. Due to that, it’s hard for me to orgasm. I’m always worried that a man might be disgusted by my body and I am very conscious about the way I look in certain positions or situations. It’s very hard to enjoy sex if you continuously suck in your tummy…
7. Despite my negative perception of myself, I really like sex. I'm very open concerning new experiences. I had a spontaneous threesome some years ago. I had a date with E. in a pub and T., his friend, was with him. We drank a lot and went home to T’s. During the whole evening, I somehow guessed what the two of them hoped for, yet I was totally surprised to realize that two men at a time wanted sex with me. It was a nice experience and I really appreciate that something like that has happened to me.
8. Two years ago, I had an affair with somebody who was quite experienced in BDSM. He gave me the opportunity to live out some fantasies, and I know now that I’m masochistic and submissive. I like to be handled roughly: to be tied up, to be spanked, to be pushed against a wall, a little force here and there. I also enjoy breath-play, wax and pain in general, but only in certain ways. I like to be pushed to my limits and beyond - dominance can be very sexy.
9. But any kind of BDSM play requires an enormous amount of confidence in your partner. I guess that for me, because of my body issues, trust is one of the most important things to sex and playing. I can easily fall from heights, and what felt sexy and pleasant just a moment ago suddenly turns into real humiliation.
10. Unfortunately, that guy mentioned in #7 abused my confidence. He knew that I had a crush on him and took full advantage of my feelings. This “relationship” can be summed up by saying “the stick and the carrot.” By suggesting this affair might turn into a proper, long-lasting relationship, he talked me into a lot of things. And I obeyed, hoping that finally he might realize what a great, loving and caring partner I would be.
11. For example, we had a mutual account at an internet community that offered sexual acquaintances. You could watch movies and pics, evaluate other users’ profiles, chat, etc. He always wanted to have a foursome, even though he knew that his proposal made me feel highly nervous. I feared he might be more attracted to the other woman or that the other guy wouldn’t be attracted by me. He kept on insisting and I agreed. We arranged to meet a married couple at their home. It was awful. The other guy wasn’t the type of guy I’m usually attracted to, he sucked at kissing and he had bad breath. Even worse, after we had left and I asked my partner how he had liked that experience, he yelled at me. “You suck at multitasking.” I was shocked and started to cry, feeling highly abused and abased. Finally, after many encounters like that, I managed to end the destructive affair.
12. Apart from BDSM play, I also enjoy oral sex. I love, love, love to give a man a blowjob. I love that feeling of being in control, to see and hear which reactions I’m able to arouse. And I love cum. I don't mind swallowing or facials. It’s damned sexy, and I know that men simply love to watch a woman play with their cum. It easily makes me wet.
13. Even though I like men going down on me, I can hardly enjoy it because I’m constantly worried about the way I look and taste.
14. I love, love, love kissing.
15. I’m convinced that a bad kisser is also a bad lover.
16. I think about sex frequently, almost daily. Sometimes I don’t masturbate for weeks, sometimes I do it three or four times a day. It just depends on my mood.
17. I regularly watch porn, almost any kind of it: gay, lesbian, BDSM, straight, double penetration... Thanks to this site, I’ve discovered my passion for hentai. That stuff is just fantastic, though sometimes quite funny as well.
18. I’d like to try anal sex. The last guy I was with was just crazy about butts and anal sex. I wanted to try it with him, but all of our attempts didn’t work out properly and I am no longer date him.
19. I “dismissed” #18 out of the same reason I dismissed all the other guys during the last years: While I’m trying to find a boyfriend with whom I can have a real relationship, they are just interested in having an affair. Sex, cuddling: yes. love or commitment: no. That simply doesn’t work with me. I’m quite a romantic girl and I really long for somebody to love from the bottom of my heart. So far, I’ve only had one (and a half) serious relationships. Half, because J., a guy I met last summer, turned out to be fake: name, age, job – everything he had told me about himself was just made up. Even though I’m convinced it was best to never see him again, I still miss him from time to time.
20. J. was just the type of man I feel attracted to: tall but not too tall, handsome, dark hair, dark eyes, a lovely smile, slender, athletic arms and a very good kisser. It’s very hard for me to confess that I like handsome, slender men, but consider myself not that attractive.
21. I realized that it is easier for me to enjoy sex and let me go when I am in love with somebody. I’ve been single now for almost six years and I really hate it. But I know I still have to work on myself. How can I expect somebody else to love me if I myself do not love me, let alone like me?
22. Yet, it might be very complicated to find a partner even if I have succeeded in accepting myself. Guy #7 had condyloma and I got infected, too. Thank God it’s a kind of STD that doesn’t seriously harm you or kill you. But still, it is incurable and highly infective. Even if I use a condom, I might carry the virus over. I’ve tried several remedies so far, but one of them worked (expect for serious side-effects). Yes, I can live with that, but it seriously influences your quality of life.
23. I know I should not have sex with any man as long as I have condyloma. But I slept with J. nevertheless. Fortunately, he had condyloma himself, although he hadn’t known that till I told him. And I also slept with #18. I told him about the disease right from the beginning of our affair. But he didn’t care that much and insisted on having sex with me. Well, I finally gave in.
24. I don’t know whether I should have a bad conscience for sleeping with other men despite the STD. I spoke about my situation very blatantly and didn’t force them to do it. It was their decision, not mine. But I worry to think I might have infected them and I worry about other women that might get infected by them. Will they mention the possible danger that is linked to having sex with them? I don’t know. I hope they will. On the other hand, the thought of never having sex with somebody else drives me mad. How should I ever enter into a serious relationship if sex is a no-go?! It wasn’t easy for me to approach men before and now it’s even worse
25. I’m glad I wrote down these 25 things. I’ve been reading this blog for some months now and always thought about submitting something myself.
2. I say “mostly heterosexual” because I had sex with a woman once, and even though I felt a bit overwhelmed by her beautiful body and her self-confidence, I wouldn’t mind having further sexual experiences with women. I like the taste of the female body, the smooth skin, and I feel attracted to a lot of women in my environment.
3. So far, I have slept with nine men and made out with some more.
4. I lost my virginity when I was 20, with my first boyfriend. I was deeply in love with him and our relationship lasted almost two years. When he broke up with me, I was truly devastated and it took me years to recover.
5. One of my friends summarized it correctly: “When he left you, he took your smile with you.” He was my first true love, and before we met, I had been convinced I’d never find a guy who loves me just the way I am. I have serious issues with body and my weight. My friends say I am a womanly, chubby yet attractive girl. Most of the time, I disagree. I consider myself overweight, even fat if compared to other women. I’ve been seeing a therapist for two and a half year (eating disorder, depression), and even though that was enormously supportive and helped me to sort a lot of things out, being naked still makes me feel very uncomfortable.
6. Due to that, it’s hard for me to orgasm. I’m always worried that a man might be disgusted by my body and I am very conscious about the way I look in certain positions or situations. It’s very hard to enjoy sex if you continuously suck in your tummy…
7. Despite my negative perception of myself, I really like sex. I'm very open concerning new experiences. I had a spontaneous threesome some years ago. I had a date with E. in a pub and T., his friend, was with him. We drank a lot and went home to T’s. During the whole evening, I somehow guessed what the two of them hoped for, yet I was totally surprised to realize that two men at a time wanted sex with me. It was a nice experience and I really appreciate that something like that has happened to me.
8. Two years ago, I had an affair with somebody who was quite experienced in BDSM. He gave me the opportunity to live out some fantasies, and I know now that I’m masochistic and submissive. I like to be handled roughly: to be tied up, to be spanked, to be pushed against a wall, a little force here and there. I also enjoy breath-play, wax and pain in general, but only in certain ways. I like to be pushed to my limits and beyond - dominance can be very sexy.
9. But any kind of BDSM play requires an enormous amount of confidence in your partner. I guess that for me, because of my body issues, trust is one of the most important things to sex and playing. I can easily fall from heights, and what felt sexy and pleasant just a moment ago suddenly turns into real humiliation.
10. Unfortunately, that guy mentioned in #7 abused my confidence. He knew that I had a crush on him and took full advantage of my feelings. This “relationship” can be summed up by saying “the stick and the carrot.” By suggesting this affair might turn into a proper, long-lasting relationship, he talked me into a lot of things. And I obeyed, hoping that finally he might realize what a great, loving and caring partner I would be.
11. For example, we had a mutual account at an internet community that offered sexual acquaintances. You could watch movies and pics, evaluate other users’ profiles, chat, etc. He always wanted to have a foursome, even though he knew that his proposal made me feel highly nervous. I feared he might be more attracted to the other woman or that the other guy wouldn’t be attracted by me. He kept on insisting and I agreed. We arranged to meet a married couple at their home. It was awful. The other guy wasn’t the type of guy I’m usually attracted to, he sucked at kissing and he had bad breath. Even worse, after we had left and I asked my partner how he had liked that experience, he yelled at me. “You suck at multitasking.” I was shocked and started to cry, feeling highly abused and abased. Finally, after many encounters like that, I managed to end the destructive affair.
12. Apart from BDSM play, I also enjoy oral sex. I love, love, love to give a man a blowjob. I love that feeling of being in control, to see and hear which reactions I’m able to arouse. And I love cum. I don't mind swallowing or facials. It’s damned sexy, and I know that men simply love to watch a woman play with their cum. It easily makes me wet.
13. Even though I like men going down on me, I can hardly enjoy it because I’m constantly worried about the way I look and taste.
14. I love, love, love kissing.
15. I’m convinced that a bad kisser is also a bad lover.
16. I think about sex frequently, almost daily. Sometimes I don’t masturbate for weeks, sometimes I do it three or four times a day. It just depends on my mood.
17. I regularly watch porn, almost any kind of it: gay, lesbian, BDSM, straight, double penetration... Thanks to this site, I’ve discovered my passion for hentai. That stuff is just fantastic, though sometimes quite funny as well.
18. I’d like to try anal sex. The last guy I was with was just crazy about butts and anal sex. I wanted to try it with him, but all of our attempts didn’t work out properly and I am no longer date him.
19. I “dismissed” #18 out of the same reason I dismissed all the other guys during the last years: While I’m trying to find a boyfriend with whom I can have a real relationship, they are just interested in having an affair. Sex, cuddling: yes. love or commitment: no. That simply doesn’t work with me. I’m quite a romantic girl and I really long for somebody to love from the bottom of my heart. So far, I’ve only had one (and a half) serious relationships. Half, because J., a guy I met last summer, turned out to be fake: name, age, job – everything he had told me about himself was just made up. Even though I’m convinced it was best to never see him again, I still miss him from time to time.
20. J. was just the type of man I feel attracted to: tall but not too tall, handsome, dark hair, dark eyes, a lovely smile, slender, athletic arms and a very good kisser. It’s very hard for me to confess that I like handsome, slender men, but consider myself not that attractive.
21. I realized that it is easier for me to enjoy sex and let me go when I am in love with somebody. I’ve been single now for almost six years and I really hate it. But I know I still have to work on myself. How can I expect somebody else to love me if I myself do not love me, let alone like me?
22. Yet, it might be very complicated to find a partner even if I have succeeded in accepting myself. Guy #7 had condyloma and I got infected, too. Thank God it’s a kind of STD that doesn’t seriously harm you or kill you. But still, it is incurable and highly infective. Even if I use a condom, I might carry the virus over. I’ve tried several remedies so far, but one of them worked (expect for serious side-effects). Yes, I can live with that, but it seriously influences your quality of life.
23. I know I should not have sex with any man as long as I have condyloma. But I slept with J. nevertheless. Fortunately, he had condyloma himself, although he hadn’t known that till I told him. And I also slept with #18. I told him about the disease right from the beginning of our affair. But he didn’t care that much and insisted on having sex with me. Well, I finally gave in.
24. I don’t know whether I should have a bad conscience for sleeping with other men despite the STD. I spoke about my situation very blatantly and didn’t force them to do it. It was their decision, not mine. But I worry to think I might have infected them and I worry about other women that might get infected by them. Will they mention the possible danger that is linked to having sex with them? I don’t know. I hope they will. On the other hand, the thought of never having sex with somebody else drives me mad. How should I ever enter into a serious relationship if sex is a no-go?! It wasn’t easy for me to approach men before and now it’s even worse
25. I’m glad I wrote down these 25 things. I’ve been reading this blog for some months now and always thought about submitting something myself.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
1) I'm a woman (or girl) from a northern country in Europe, 23 years old, and I guess straight. Or asexual sometimes. Or like someone explained it, sometimes I feel bi-romantic, but still straight when it comes to sex. When I'm interested.
2) I've got very little experience, mainly because sexual actions give me lots of regrets and anxiety. Sometimes I explain it like I'm allergic to body contact--whenever someone touches me it feels like I get burned by something. Of course I'm human and my body just craves contact often, but I've got to be warned before someone tries to make that contact. I may have Asperger's, so that can be an explanation. That can also explain why the people I call my best friends are the people I almost never meet up with in person.
3) So, I've kissed one guy, had sex with another and gotten use of hands with a third. None of these were actually bad experiences, but when I think back I get so angry I want to hurt something. Mostly myself. I didn't allow myself time to think about sex especially much until I'd been through basic training with the army, and now I try to still keep it out of my life to avoid those angry moments.
4) The first happened while I was in the army. I was sober, he a bit drunk. And he had a girlfriend at the time. It was more than obvious that he wanted to do more than kiss me, both because he said so and because I could feel it. He was to sleep in my bed, with me, and those beds don't got a lot of space in them. But I said no. A wise way to go, I was 21 and a virgin. And there were 5 other people in the same room. After that night I made sure that no one should sleep in the same bed as me again, ever. Even though it was kind of nice just laying there talking for hours. I see him as one of the more important people in my life right now, and he's going to Afghanistan in a few months' time.
5) The second one was also a army-friend, but a while after we had left the service. It was one of those "you should just go to sleep after two in the morning"-things. He's a nice guy, and I was his rebound after the last girlfriend. It wasn't good. But people say the first time is bad. This was real bad. But yeah, that's life, I guess. We actually became better friends after that. But now we've lost contact.
6) The third I met through the Internet. I did an experiment with Internet-dating, not to get a boyfriend but to see how it worked. This guy is quite nice, and if you can see my trend in the earlier ones, this one works in the navy. I don't know what we've been doing, but I know I've treated him badly and that I'm actually sorry I couldn't do this properly. I hope he finds a girl who suits him some day.
7) I don't think love and sex are connected in my life right now. I don't feel love even though I can say I like some people enormously. But I shouldn't have any problem with being a man-eater and just doing things without the need of feelings. But then we can go back to 2, and see that I'm not into too much body contact.
8) I got one of those calls when I was younger from someone who wanted to use me sexually. It ended with me calling the police and being very angry with jerks who use interests of young girls to get those fantasies out. In this case, he got in contact with me through a site for people working with horses.
9) First sexual experience for myself is hard to say. But I have some memories of the pretty nice feeling of the pressure downstairs when riding a ski-lift... And of course in the early teens I had some fantasies. But always kept them to myself.
10) And I'm not the kind of person who masturbates. It happens sometimes, but I can't really focus. I don't get anything out of it. So no, I've guess I never had an orgasm. I do not own a sex toy.
11) I'm not into visual porn. It feels too unreal. I do like literotica, though, as long as it keeps inside some boundaries. Some of the early contact with sex I've had was from reading it. It has to feel plausible, be described with some grace, and if the person who wrote it doesn't have good language I won't read. Well, I guess I'm picky. And nothing's wrong with M-rated fanfics. Not even M-rated slash fanfics. But make them stay in character, please?!
12) Big NO-NO's: violence, rape, incest, anal, things involving animals, kids or people who aren't able to stand up for themselves. No more to say about that.
13) Two things that actually turn me on are that feeling before something actually happens, and the feeling that I'm pleasing someone else. My fantasies often end with the first kiss, or if they go on, with me pleasing him. A lot. So I guess when I find a guy, I would like to make him a lucky one.
14) And that pleasing someone else thing does apply to my whole life, more or less, but once it made me send naked pictures and do some sexting with a guy. He had a girlfriend but still wanted to get into my pants. I found my senses and said no to him, so now he has blocked me from his life. Even though I sometimes thought about reporting him for sexual harassment. (And yeah, that guy also works in the army.) One thing he said to me sticks: "You in a uniform are able to make me do anything." He actually knows how I look in a uniform. After five days without a shower...
15) One "secret" is my love for older men. I do not want to fuck them. I just look up to them, want to be their friend and to know they trust me. Of course I could flirt a bit. Got that feeling for some of my officers (oh, naughty), and I can't shake it off. But right now it's sparse with older men in my life.
16) Although older men are interesting, sexual contact seems to happen only with younger men. Not much younger, I'm pretty young myself, but 1-3 years younger at least. I can't get what they find interesting with me. And the only thing that interests me about them is that they often have pretty beautiful bodies. Not much brains, though.
17) About not knowing what they find interesting, I'm a real woman sometimes. I try to be more like a guy, but I can't help hating my body. I'm not beautiful and sexy. There's nothing interesting or special. I look like a normal human being, not like a model or actress. As long as I feel that way, I guess it will be hard finding a good guy. But these feelings also make it able for me to be naked around people in non-sexual situations. Like in the public shower at the swimming pool or when I had to shower with the guys in the army. So yeah, lots of people have seen me naked, and yeah, I've seen lots of people naked as well. The guys found it worse than me when it was army-related...
18) As you may have realized, I'm pretty easy to turn off. I can feel turned on when I least expect it sometimes, but I'm always able to turn off in a few milliseconds. Irritating, I can promise you. Just a tiny little detail wrong and yeah, the moment's over.
19) I realized I've haven't addressed the bi-romantic thing. I'm not interested in having sex with other women, I just think they're beautiful and often more interesting than guys. So if I want to be romantic sometime, the thought of having a nice time with a woman isn't that far away. But even my mom said to me that "you're as straight anyone can be, honey."
20) I actually see myself in the future as one of those "pathetic" ladies living alone with her three dogs and an OK placement at work. One who, if she meets a guy, everybody thinks that's unusual and a bit funny. But I hope not. Of course I want at least one dog, but I may be able to share my living space with one guy too. Maybe not a husband, but someone I feel equal to.
21) Sex, sex, sex. Well, sometimes I get tired of this sexual liberation and so on. I like sites like this, I like that it's okay to talk about sex and to have it without marriage and that there are ways to protect yourself and that you're allowed to do strange stuff as long as everyone involved says it's fine with them. But sometimes it becomes a bit too much. Actually there are sensitive people out there, actually some people doesn't want to hear about your escapades when they eat lunch at the next table, and kids should be able to be kids without their parents needing to cover their ears or eyes every fifteenth minute. I know sex sells, and that this is 2012, but take it easy sometimes, will you?
22) I think that in my next life I should be full of confidence, and when I see a guy looking at me with interest, I should try to get him into bed. Just because of the fun of it. And in that life I may have a great sex life. Thinking about it, maybe I should try that out in this life, so I'm able to avoid the situation in 20, and so I can erase all bad feelings.
23) I don't have any lists of people I want to sleep with or things I should've tried before a certain age. But if you didn't get that earlier, guys in uniform are always on top of any non-existing imaginary lists...
24) Actually I didn't think I would have this much to say. But I guess thank you for reading and seeing that normal, smart people can have these bad experiences but still be wanting more. Good experiences, then, though.
25) To end with, something that surprised me in a nice way: a commercial on television with this country's strongest man demolishing a car with his own hands. Mmmmm. A big guy making something into small pieces that way made want to jump him. And I'm against violence in all other aspects...
2) I've got very little experience, mainly because sexual actions give me lots of regrets and anxiety. Sometimes I explain it like I'm allergic to body contact--whenever someone touches me it feels like I get burned by something. Of course I'm human and my body just craves contact often, but I've got to be warned before someone tries to make that contact. I may have Asperger's, so that can be an explanation. That can also explain why the people I call my best friends are the people I almost never meet up with in person.
3) So, I've kissed one guy, had sex with another and gotten use of hands with a third. None of these were actually bad experiences, but when I think back I get so angry I want to hurt something. Mostly myself. I didn't allow myself time to think about sex especially much until I'd been through basic training with the army, and now I try to still keep it out of my life to avoid those angry moments.
4) The first happened while I was in the army. I was sober, he a bit drunk. And he had a girlfriend at the time. It was more than obvious that he wanted to do more than kiss me, both because he said so and because I could feel it. He was to sleep in my bed, with me, and those beds don't got a lot of space in them. But I said no. A wise way to go, I was 21 and a virgin. And there were 5 other people in the same room. After that night I made sure that no one should sleep in the same bed as me again, ever. Even though it was kind of nice just laying there talking for hours. I see him as one of the more important people in my life right now, and he's going to Afghanistan in a few months' time.
5) The second one was also a army-friend, but a while after we had left the service. It was one of those "you should just go to sleep after two in the morning"-things. He's a nice guy, and I was his rebound after the last girlfriend. It wasn't good. But people say the first time is bad. This was real bad. But yeah, that's life, I guess. We actually became better friends after that. But now we've lost contact.
6) The third I met through the Internet. I did an experiment with Internet-dating, not to get a boyfriend but to see how it worked. This guy is quite nice, and if you can see my trend in the earlier ones, this one works in the navy. I don't know what we've been doing, but I know I've treated him badly and that I'm actually sorry I couldn't do this properly. I hope he finds a girl who suits him some day.
7) I don't think love and sex are connected in my life right now. I don't feel love even though I can say I like some people enormously. But I shouldn't have any problem with being a man-eater and just doing things without the need of feelings. But then we can go back to 2, and see that I'm not into too much body contact.
8) I got one of those calls when I was younger from someone who wanted to use me sexually. It ended with me calling the police and being very angry with jerks who use interests of young girls to get those fantasies out. In this case, he got in contact with me through a site for people working with horses.
9) First sexual experience for myself is hard to say. But I have some memories of the pretty nice feeling of the pressure downstairs when riding a ski-lift... And of course in the early teens I had some fantasies. But always kept them to myself.
10) And I'm not the kind of person who masturbates. It happens sometimes, but I can't really focus. I don't get anything out of it. So no, I've guess I never had an orgasm. I do not own a sex toy.
11) I'm not into visual porn. It feels too unreal. I do like literotica, though, as long as it keeps inside some boundaries. Some of the early contact with sex I've had was from reading it. It has to feel plausible, be described with some grace, and if the person who wrote it doesn't have good language I won't read. Well, I guess I'm picky. And nothing's wrong with M-rated fanfics. Not even M-rated slash fanfics. But make them stay in character, please?!
12) Big NO-NO's: violence, rape, incest, anal, things involving animals, kids or people who aren't able to stand up for themselves. No more to say about that.
13) Two things that actually turn me on are that feeling before something actually happens, and the feeling that I'm pleasing someone else. My fantasies often end with the first kiss, or if they go on, with me pleasing him. A lot. So I guess when I find a guy, I would like to make him a lucky one.
14) And that pleasing someone else thing does apply to my whole life, more or less, but once it made me send naked pictures and do some sexting with a guy. He had a girlfriend but still wanted to get into my pants. I found my senses and said no to him, so now he has blocked me from his life. Even though I sometimes thought about reporting him for sexual harassment. (And yeah, that guy also works in the army.) One thing he said to me sticks: "You in a uniform are able to make me do anything." He actually knows how I look in a uniform. After five days without a shower...
15) One "secret" is my love for older men. I do not want to fuck them. I just look up to them, want to be their friend and to know they trust me. Of course I could flirt a bit. Got that feeling for some of my officers (oh, naughty), and I can't shake it off. But right now it's sparse with older men in my life.
16) Although older men are interesting, sexual contact seems to happen only with younger men. Not much younger, I'm pretty young myself, but 1-3 years younger at least. I can't get what they find interesting with me. And the only thing that interests me about them is that they often have pretty beautiful bodies. Not much brains, though.
17) About not knowing what they find interesting, I'm a real woman sometimes. I try to be more like a guy, but I can't help hating my body. I'm not beautiful and sexy. There's nothing interesting or special. I look like a normal human being, not like a model or actress. As long as I feel that way, I guess it will be hard finding a good guy. But these feelings also make it able for me to be naked around people in non-sexual situations. Like in the public shower at the swimming pool or when I had to shower with the guys in the army. So yeah, lots of people have seen me naked, and yeah, I've seen lots of people naked as well. The guys found it worse than me when it was army-related...
18) As you may have realized, I'm pretty easy to turn off. I can feel turned on when I least expect it sometimes, but I'm always able to turn off in a few milliseconds. Irritating, I can promise you. Just a tiny little detail wrong and yeah, the moment's over.
19) I realized I've haven't addressed the bi-romantic thing. I'm not interested in having sex with other women, I just think they're beautiful and often more interesting than guys. So if I want to be romantic sometime, the thought of having a nice time with a woman isn't that far away. But even my mom said to me that "you're as straight anyone can be, honey."
20) I actually see myself in the future as one of those "pathetic" ladies living alone with her three dogs and an OK placement at work. One who, if she meets a guy, everybody thinks that's unusual and a bit funny. But I hope not. Of course I want at least one dog, but I may be able to share my living space with one guy too. Maybe not a husband, but someone I feel equal to.
21) Sex, sex, sex. Well, sometimes I get tired of this sexual liberation and so on. I like sites like this, I like that it's okay to talk about sex and to have it without marriage and that there are ways to protect yourself and that you're allowed to do strange stuff as long as everyone involved says it's fine with them. But sometimes it becomes a bit too much. Actually there are sensitive people out there, actually some people doesn't want to hear about your escapades when they eat lunch at the next table, and kids should be able to be kids without their parents needing to cover their ears or eyes every fifteenth minute. I know sex sells, and that this is 2012, but take it easy sometimes, will you?
22) I think that in my next life I should be full of confidence, and when I see a guy looking at me with interest, I should try to get him into bed. Just because of the fun of it. And in that life I may have a great sex life. Thinking about it, maybe I should try that out in this life, so I'm able to avoid the situation in 20, and so I can erase all bad feelings.
23) I don't have any lists of people I want to sleep with or things I should've tried before a certain age. But if you didn't get that earlier, guys in uniform are always on top of any non-existing imaginary lists...
24) Actually I didn't think I would have this much to say. But I guess thank you for reading and seeing that normal, smart people can have these bad experiences but still be wanting more. Good experiences, then, though.
25) To end with, something that surprised me in a nice way: a commercial on television with this country's strongest man demolishing a car with his own hands. Mmmmm. A big guy making something into small pieces that way made want to jump him. And I'm against violence in all other aspects...
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