Friday, December 18, 2009

(1) I am 19 and recently lost my virginity, about 2 months ago.

(2) It started by me being amazingly drunk, going up to a gorgeous man saying "Do you have any idea how fucking cute you are?" And he was--he looked like a mix between the boy I was in love with during high school plus his way cuter twin. I know he was a 29-year-old Swiss man and he had an amazing body. We were talking at the bar for a while and obviously it turned to having sex. When I told him I was a virgin, his response was "Do you want to change that?"

(3) I honestly don't remember much of the actual sex, it was rough and fun and dirty and raw. It hurt but was worth it, and Mr. Swiss was the perfect mix between gentle and rough. God, just thinking about him gets me all excited, he was so amazingly cute and I'm sort of proud that i nailed him. I left that night because my best friend was freaking out. I left without my shoes, underwear, or bra... quite trashy for my first time.

(4) Once I finally lost my virginity this 19-year weight was lifted and it felt amazing. I had been a virgin for so long because I didnt want to "give" it to anyone I would ever see again, and I was terrified of letting my guard down to allow someone to literally penetrate me.

(5) After Mr. Swiss I've had sex with 2 other guys, both being one night stands. There was "the Marine," who I had sex with in the back of his car and that was fun not because of the sex but because of the threat of being caught or someone watching us, and "one-night-standy," who was actually really sweet and a great kisser. I told him to take it slow because I was just at that drunk point of being really really sleepy, and it was amazing. We kissed the whole time and when he came he squeezed me tight and pushed himself deeper which was pretty adorable.

(6) Besides these three nights I don't have much experience. When I was in high school, I was always around people 4-5 years older then me, none of whom were sleazy enough to go after an underage virgin.

(7) Like I said I sort of had a penetration complex--I wanted it but I didn't want anyone to get it from me.

(8) I've been in love with my brother's best friend (who I've known since I was born) since I was about 11. It's easier for a young girl to fall for an older brother type than an older boy to fall for a younger sister type.

(9) I don't think I have ever thought to myself "oh man I want to be his girlfriend," but rather I think my sexual impulses of how badly I want to have sex with an attractive boy. So I don't really call my crushes "crushes," I call them "targets."

(10) Sometimes it makes me sad that I'm so alone all the time, but at the same time it's become my nature. I'm extremely guarded and hesitate to any emotional bonding. I usually freak out if I know a boy has a crush on me because I don't understand why--I don't understand how someone can crush on me when I'm so emotionally stand offish.

(11) Although I'm guarded I can now say that I do love having sex and I would not mind just having one-night stands and flings for the rest of my life.

(12) I don't think I'm a lesbian or bi, but I would really enjoy an experience with another woman, because I love boobs and would love to play with someone's other than my own. I don't think I could give or receive oral from another girl, but it would be fun to mess around and have fun with.

(13) I am extremely attracted to handsome Asian men. Not all Asians are cute but the cute ones are REALLY cute--oh and I don't really get the feminization of Asian men.

(14) There are so many ways I want to have sex: outside, in the shower, up against a wall, in the kitchen, in a pool, on a patio, in my childhood bed, and basically everywhere else possible.

(15) I hate giving head, I lack the confidence and I never know if I'm doing well or not, so I usually try and avoid doing it at all.

(16) I really like getting dressed up for no reason. I'm not usually the type of girl to wear dresses or skirts, I'm a tomboy engineer and I want to be a mechanic in life, so when I am all dressed up I feel nearly like a different person.

(17) I love having my ass squeezed or squeezing someone else's, whether it be drunkenly flirting with someone or a squeeze during a make out session. I think I just like the feeling of being pulled in tighter and tighter, so what's more passionate than a firm ass squeeze?

(18) My friends call it my "go to move," but rather than the tacky hands in the back pocket I usually slip my hands onto a boy's hips, under his jeans, not all that far down or anything--it's just a cozy warm spot that gets the point across.

(19) Thinking back on my virgin life, it's funny because I never really explicitly told anyone I was a virgin and I think most people thought I wasn't because I make so many obscene jokes about sex and such.

(20) At school, I hang out with all my engineering guy friends and it gets to me that I have like girl talk and such. It also gets to me that I know there is a line in our relationships that can't be crossed.

(21) I change my pubic hair as much as possible, I can't decide and I go from nothing to a little puff to maybe full grown. No reason really, it just entertains me really to see something different down there.

(22) I really enjoy the thought of being seen, not like by a peeping tom--that actually scares the shit out of me--but like wearing a skirt with no underwear. I fantasize a lot about getting it on in public or on a patio somewhere that may be seen.

(23) I've never had a boyfriend or anything close, really. I was always very reserved around boys my age when I was younger... yet I always loved being around my brother and his friends.

(24) I've never been attracted to someone my age or younger. If I am, I usually freak a little and talk myself out of it. I like talking to older guys about things I don't know. I also like taller guys.

(25) I can't wait to explore my sexuality and figure out my vices and peeves. Hopefully I won't get too out of control or anything, because I've had issues with self-control in the past.