Saturday, June 18, 2011

1. I'm a 18-year-old cis woman who doesn't really know where she stands sexuality-wise.

2. I've only ever dated cis men. It's been alright.

3. I'm currently dating a cis man who's usually pretty damn amazing to me.

4. My boyfriend lives in Italy right right while I'm still in the USA, which means I've been masturbating a lot, and it's usually glorious.

5. I've always wanted someone to go down on me and nobody will. My boyfriend tried it once, briefly, then decided he didn't like it and stopped and hasn't done it since. This upsets me.

6. I really like having my breasts touched and kissed and whatever else anyone wants to do with them.

7. I really hate having my ass touched and grabbed at and whatever else anyone tries to do to it.

8. My friends and I have joked about making queer porn. The fact is, though, I'd totally want to star in it.

9. I've been so fortunate to avoid being attacked and brutally raped, which I'm really thankful for. But I experienced what I have come to describe a "consent fail" in which I was drunk and talked into blowing a guy I had really just planned on making out with. I know that could legally be rape, but I feel like I couldn't ever prove anything in a court.

10. That event made me feel horrible for a really long time, and I'm pretty sure it was the motivation for me having penetrative vaginal sex for the first time with a guy I didn't like very much. We watched a Simon Pegg movie immediately afterward, which I find hilarious.

11. I hate the majority of mainstream porn, not because it's specifically degrading toward women, which is a factor, but because everyone is so shiny and hairless. I like skin to be matte and a little fuzzy, thanks.

12. I like the way my vagina looks, particularly how one of the inner lips is longer and bigger than the other and the color of the hair on my vulva.

13. I've kissed a couple of my female friends drunk on bets and dares, but I'd really like to be able to be in a romantic situation with a lady and be able to make out with and touch another woman in a sexual way.

14. But I'm not exclusively attached to doing sexual things with people who are strictly cisgender, which is why I'm kind of iffy on the whole sexuality-label thing.

15. I'm pretty sure I'd be able to stick my hands down anyone's pants and up anyone's shirt and be pretty satisfied with the results, is what I'm trying to say.

16. I like the idea of bondage, but I hate the slick-black-leather approach that's always in porn. I'd prefer soft, supple brown leather and cream-colored cotton to tie up and be tied up with.

17. I can't stand the idea of doing anything naked outdoors. Sure, making out in the park sounds fun, but under no circumstances will I consider sex on a beach.

18. My favorite fantasy is fucking in a kitchen in the morning. I get turned on just thinking about it, and I can't wait to try it once my boyfriend is back in the States.

19. I recently discovered how awesome masturbating in the bathtub can be, and I'm afraid I'm getting a little bit addicted. They're the best orgasms I've ever had.

20. I've only ever had orgasms when masturbating.

21. I'm becoming increasingly frustrated that I can't seem to get off from vaginal stimulation. I've figured out where my g-spot is, but touching it doesn't really turn me on.

22. I'm ordering my first vibrator this week and hoping that changes my relationship with my g-spot.

23. I'm planning on hunkering down with that new vibrator and the internet's vast (but not nearly as vast as it should be) assortment of queer and sex-positive porn and spending an afternoon orgasming.

24. I'm turned on by soft skin, tummies, the sound of skin brushing on skin, the way sex smells, and being licked--anywhere.

25. I'm turned off by the idea of anal sex on me because my ass is the one part of my body that I still can't find sexy.

Friday, June 17, 2011

1. I am a happily married heterosexual 30-year-old stay-at-home dad. I'm white, upper middle class, overeducated, Jewish, and generally cognizant and guilty about my position of privilege and freedom in society.

2. My first orgasm was when I was twelve, sleeping in the top bunk, lying on my back and silently rubbing a pillow between my legs. I only partially understood what was happening, and remember being a little disappointed that that was it. I thought perhaps the spasms were the beginning of a second phase in which my body would take over and multiply the pleasure of my rubbing.

3. I have only ever had sex with my spouse. We met in the first weeks of college, dated other people for two years, then got together junior year. We were sexually active within a few months of that.

4. My first serious sexual experience with her was a blow job she started to give me. Neither of us knew what we were doing and as I started to come I panicked about what was about to happen and what it might mean for our relationship, and I pulled away.

5. I masturbate once or twice a day, for an approximate total of 7,000 orgasms. The vast majority of those sessions have come by lying face down on a surface and putting a pillow or my hand under my erection and grinding against it.

6. When I was 14 or so and had the privilege and privacy of my own room, in the basement no less, I challenged myself to find out how many times I could come in an hour. Answer: seven. Result: chafing. In retrospect: very much a teenage boy sort of thing to do.

7. Speaking of chafing, senior year, my wife moved off campus and had a big old clawfoot tub that we would fuck in. One time when we didn't use lubricant I ended up with an ugly raw patch near the head of my penis, which soon crusted over with a white scab-like thing. I thought it was a scab and took it easy for a few days, but didn't wait long enough before masturbating again, and it rubbed off, leaving the rawness exposed again. This repeated, sometimes with masturbation, sometimes sex, for months, in an addictive, self-destructive way. I finally went into the doctor to get an outside opinion and discovered that men can get yeast infections too, treatable by diflucan.

8. I think about sex probably 20 or so times per day.

9. Of those, about half include my wife, a quarter are pure fantasy or recollections of some image of pornography, and a quarter include women (and very occasionally men) I meet in my day's routine.

10. The closest I've come to cheating was the year before we got engaged when I got quite drunk after an out-of-town meeting and hot and heavy with a recent divorcee a few years older than me and in a much more senior position in the meetings. I grabbed her breasts on the dance floor. She felt my cock in the taxi. When her friend got out of the hotel elevator on 2, we kissed without abandon until 4, when I got out, looked back at her, and, to her surprise and a little my own, said, "I'm sorry. I love my girlfriend."

11. An occasional masturbatory fantasy keeps me in the elevator with her up to her floor and back to her room.

12. I was closely involved with my partner's pregnancy and labor and delivery. I was particularly awed by her during her totally natural childbirth. While I identify strongly as male, I am jealous that her body is capable of creating and birthing a child. If it was possible, I would want to be pregnant myself.

13. Until becoming a father and spending a good deal of time skin-to-skin with my little one, I closely associated touching and being touched with arousal. Now it's a bit more complicated.

14. I have two brothers, also both in long-term relationships with their first sexual partners. The monogamy of the three of us is a little surprising to our parents, children of the Sixties, who hint at the promiscuous lives they led before meeting each other in their mid-twenties.

15. Since the birth of our daughter, my spouse's and my sex life has been pretty hit-or-miss. She is night-nursing our two year old, who sleeps in our family bed. If I think I'm aware of non-arousing skin-on-skin contact, it is nothing compared to her experience.

16. These days we have full-on, classic, insertional, orgasmic (for at least one of us, and not always me) sex, with foreplay and grunting and the lot, at most once a month. Another one or two times a month we get naked, or digital, or oral together but stop there and fall asleep or are interrupted by the baby or get out of the shower and dressed and on with our days.

17. I am, I think, strongly feminist. I believe that a far wider range of human activities than regularly acknowledged is gender neutral, from excelling in mathematics to cooking to interest in cars or dolls or squishing bugs. I am enthusiastic to be a stay-at-home dad. I vacillate on whether sexual expression is gendered or not.

18. Among my friends are a few stay-at-home moms who I've met because we have similarly aged children. I've always made friends more easily with women than men. Two of the moms are separated from their husbands. I think of myself as attractive (at least I think I would be attracted to me if given the out-of-body experience) and "worry," in a narcissistic kind of way, that one or both of them will come on to me.

19. I am very curious what sex with other women would be like. The things that would have to happen before I could satisfy that curiosity (loss of trust with my spouse and cheating or divorce, becoming a widower, or a wholesale shift in our social milieu to something where swinging was perfectly normal and even conservative) seem so outlandishly painful or unlikely that I try to put it off in a category of "things I'd like to do in fantasy world," like walk on the moon or breathe underwater.

20. Despite my frequent masturbation, when I've gone a week or two without sex I start to get antsy, needy, and touchy. Intellectually, I know that, at most, I should channel that energy to creating the kind of romantic settings my partner has described to me as a turn-on for her, but I don't. A few times over the years she's mentioned that she like to be dominated, but I don't fulfill that one often either.

21. I find masturbating to be relaxing, routine, guilt-provoking, private, and usually quick.

22. I've come with a half flaccid penis and around 20 seconds of physical stimulation, when overwhelmingly arousing images and memories have surfaced in my mental space.

23. I'm interested in the sexual qualities of my anus. A year or so ago I mentioned to my spouse that I'd like to get an anal probe, which would be our first sex toy, and she indicated she'd be on board with exploring its use in me, but neither of us acted on it. I have had awesome orgasms masturbating in the shower with a finger up my ass.

24. I imagine sex with my wife will be more varied, intense, and frequent when we move past the stage of life of being parents to young children. I hope so.

25. Some of the sex we've had together is among the times I've felt closest to her, like I really understood her and could be express myself to her with fewer of the barriers I put up between myself and the world of other people. But that's been rare.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

1. I'm a 29-year-old queer, European cis-gendered female. I identify as femme, but present much more androgynously in my everyday life.

2. The reason why I identify as a queer femme is that I prefer to dress in high heels, stockings and dresses when I dress up for something and want to feel really sexy. I'm fascinated by femininity and I love playing with it. I never consider myself “at one” with femininity, but see it as a sexual game more than anything. And I look damn good in heels. I am still looking for someone who really loves good underwear and wants to fuck me because I wear it.

3. The reason why I don't dress femininely in my everyday life is that I would never ever want to go through my life having to deal with unwanted male attention all the time. I present as queer, with a typically queer haircut, piercings etc., a lot in order to prevent male attention. To me, being whistled at on the street is degrading and un-welcomed. I am also very invested in the political identification of queer and queer activism, and the visual signs of it.

4. It seems I fall in love with female-identified and/or female-bodied people. However, I'm not attracted to pure femininity. It is always a much more complex gender presentation, or attitude, which gets me hot. My girlfriend has amazing breasts, and kick-ass boots. The combination makes me salivate.

5. I identify as polyamorous. I want to live my life being able to see love as an expanding thing that I can share with many people. I find it hard to practice and it forces me to constantly challenge myself, but I have very consciously chosen not to be monogamous. At the moment, I have one committed relationship with a cis-girl.

6. I sleep with cis-men too. Most often if I go out and feel horny, as they are often quite easy to come by. I have never had a relationship with a cis-man, and am not particularly interested in having one either. In my experience, sooner or later, men always say something really upsetting or offensive and I have mostly rationalized away that from my life, happily.

7. So far, only one cis-man I have slept with has had a big enough cock to make me feel it inside me, and hence enjoy the experience properly.

8. That said, I probably have to blame myself to an extent. I love fisting and can proudly say that I can take my girlfriend's two hands at once, and she doesn't have small feminine hands either. I generally really get off on the idea of having big things in my cunt, and being able to take it.

9. Once, I succeeded in being anally fisted too. I'd never felt like I'd given up control of my body like that before. It was amazing.

10. I used to be quite concerned about mess during sex, so generally avoided sex during periods or too much anal sex. My current girlfriend has freed my mind and I am eternally grateful. Mess is mess and easy to deal with. To be ashamed of bodily functions or fluids is too debilitating to adventurous sex.

11. I'm kinky and love power play in sex. I enjoy having someone as my submissive play-thing, and inflicting pain and pleasure on them at my whim, as much as I enjoy having someone controlling and pushing me to take both pain and pleasure when I am submissive. Learning to be submissive has been really important to me--I generally like control in life. It is about showing vulnerability and strength at the same time, for me.

12. The main reason why I love it is the trust that you are given by, and give to, the person that you are with.

13. One of the most powerful kinds of power play that I engage in is blood play, either with needles or with scalpels. Allowing my partner to cut me is immensely powerful. Sometimes I crave for her to drink of my blood; it feels like she's consuming my insides. Sometimes she cuts herself to let me lick the wound, a wonderful and super beautiful gesture. There is a nurturing and very, very intimate feeling, as well as violence, in breaking your own, or someone else's skin, in this way. I love the paradox between nurture and violence, intimacy and pain. I love the feeling of blood dripping down my body.

14. I am quite exhibitionistic. I work as a model, some of which is erotic photoshoots. They always get me very wet. Many of my fantasies revolve around being exposed, one of the reasons why I prefer to shave my pubes even though I refuse, on political grounds, to ever shave anything else on my body.

15. I am fascinated by sexual spaces, such as sex clubs and BDSM clubs. I enjoy having sex in such spaces, whether people watch or not, and I enjoy watching other people play. Sometimes a place can have a cruisey or otherwise unappealing atmosphere that really puts me off, but most of the times that I have been in such spaces I have had much fun. I prefer to go with a lover, although I have also had random sexual encounters that have been really great.

16. Even though I sometimes have to fight jealousy, I love the idea of seeing my lovers with other people. Luckily, I have been able to share both three, four and a fivesome with lovers and I get really turned on by them interacting sexually with other people. The image memory of the situation remains in my head for a long time. I feel both insecure and totally turned on by the knowledge that my lovers have a strong sexuality and strong desires that doesn't always include me.

17. One of the strongest turn-ons for me is feeling my lovers being really turned on. I also love kissing. Generally, if someone kisses me in a way that tells me that they really want me, I am lost. I often like force.

18. One of my biggest turn-offs is insecurity in taking initiative to sex, or the knowledge that someone is waiting for me to seduce them. I often take initiative myself and definitely don't mind, but situations where someone is displaying neediness for me to initiating sex often puts me off. It is a crime that also I am guilty of at times.

19. I started being sexual late, losing my virginity when I was 19. After that it took a few years before I knew what I liked and wanted out of sex. Since then I have found myself very curious about what I can do and enjoy with my body, and together with other people. I am lucky to have had two long term lovers with whom I have explored kink, poly and public sex, for example, and 27 other people with whom I learned even more.

20. At the moment I am curious about sex work and to what extent I feel comfortable or willing to earn money from my body, whether this is through modelling, porn or sex. Together with my girlfriend, I have begun to explore this, but I am eager to continue and get more experience. I am strongly feminist in my politics, so for me it is also about exploring sexual and body-politics through experience, rather than through theory. So far, I have found fucking a stranger for money totally uncomplicated. I don't know if that is a bad or good thing.

21. I have never felt ashamed of anything about my sexuality, only sometimes over how I have used it. I have learned that I have quite a strong sexual power and I like feeling I can get anyone that I want, which is sometimes a power that upsets people. I often find that once I know I can have them, my interest wanes. I also used to be rather bad at monogamy. These are not traits of which I am proud.

22. Sexuality is very important to me. I often want to explore sexual tension that I have with friends, although often no more than making out. I also find that in romantic relationships that I have had with people who at the time have been asexual, I have really, really missed the sexual aspect. I love meeting people on the physical plane and sharing intimate experiences, whether it's for an hour, for a night, or for longer. When it is not there in romantic relationships, I feel I am unable to form deeper feelings as I miss the naked honesty that is often present in sex. I also really like the energy of being with someone for the first time, even though, quality-wise, sex is often better with time.

23. I want to learn to use my sexuality and ability to give love as an exclusively positive force in my life, and to do that I need to learn to listen to other people and not always blindly follow my id. However, the feeling of being restrained from being sexually free is one of the worst feelings I know. I think one of the most interesting and important challenges of my life is combining the two.

24. From a previous lover, I have quite a complex about taking too long to come. I am very grateful to anyone who takes the time and effort to lick me until I come, or who likes watching me bring myself off. I totally love watching a lover play with themselves.

25. I often feel unable to get out of bed in the morning without wanking first.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

1. I am a 21-year-old woman who is unclear on her sexuality.

2. Recently, I've been fantasizing about having a penis--a lot. Most of my sexual fantasies in the past few months have been centered around the organ in one way or another.

3. Non-sexually, I'm completely okay with being a woman. It fits with my body, style, and personality. Sexually, it's a different story. This is pretty confusing to me right now, but I'm just letting it be.

4. These recent fantasies have a pretty interesting power dynamic. I've noticed that if I (the woman) am present as I am (in a woman's body) in the fantasy, I am the dominant party, and I always dominate a man. If I fantasize about being a man, though, I am always the submissive one, and a man is my partner about 80% of the time.

5. The other 20% of the time, when a woman is dominating, it is mostly in a medical context: nurses (in regular medical clothing, not fake fetish nurses) performing various tests on my sexual organs. The most recurring one is a test meant to take an entire day, where I, as a man, am catheterized (both for urine and for semen; I don't know if they do semen collection like that, but that's the way it is most exciting to me), strapped to the exam table (sometimes gagged), and equipped with an electro-stimulation machine that will go off every hour with little warning and continue stimulating me until I come. The come is collected in those little vacuum containers (like the ones they collect blood samples in).

6. I also have recently been getting turned on by the thought of public or unwanted erections that other people notice. Another theme I fantasize about is getting an erection (in one situation or another) and being told that I am bad or naughty because of it. Also, ejaculating in my pants and other people seeing it. Sexual embarrassment in general. Sometimes there's a portable version of the aforementioned electro-stim semen collection machine that I am forced to wear while going about my daily (public) tasks and I am repeatedly taken by surprise as I have to conceal an orgasm in a public place.

7. I think I would be a little bit of an exhibitionist if I was a man.

8. It just seems like there is so much more to do with a penis and all that goes with it than there is with a vagina and clit.

9. As of the past several months, my owning of a vagina hasn't really turned me on much. My clitoris is really just a means to an end, the end being orgasms. I feel okay about this, but I wonder what all of this out-of-body fantasizing is doing to me, if anything.

10. I am a virgin, and I worry that when I do finally have sex, it will be utterly disappointing.

11. I am open to experimentation with girls; currently, I would love to fuck one specific girl I know with a strap-on. She has expressed some interest in pursuing some sort of sexual relationship with me several times and in various instances, but only when drunk. I don't want it to end up being one of those "I did something stupid while I was smashed" situations, and I don't know how to bring it up when both of us are sober. But, I would totally do her with a strap-on if given the chance. (In my own solitary experimentation with a strap-on, it's wonderful if the back of it is positioned to hit your clitoris when you thrust. It feels lovely.)

12. If I ever was to transition to being a man (absolutely unlikely, as my sexual fantasies seem to change every once in a while anyway) it probably wouldn't fulfill my fantasies, as many of them have to do with come, and that isn't currently a possibility for trans men, as far as I know.

13. I orgasm about 99% of the times I masturbate, but the only position that gives me really good orgasms is face-down, with my legs clenched together pretty hard. That also worries me--I'll probably have trouble having orgasms with a partner. Most positions besides that one give me somewhat pleasurable orgasms, but whenever my legs aren't clenched tight, they end up jerky and a little bit unpleasant.

14. I'm fairly certain that if I was a man, I'd be a gay bottom.

15. I remember wanting a penis when I was young--I wanted to wear things on it under my underwear, like decorated socks or rubber bands. I guess this has morphed into my current interest in harnesses.

16. I think all of these fantasies are tied together by a certain power dynamic; for some people, the penis is a symbol of power, but for me, it is a symbol of vulnerability. Just think about it--the penis is external and open to pain, it gets hard and becomes noticeable under clothes (sometimes without warning), and it expels a sticky mess during orgasm. So, it makes sense to me to control it (on a man) or have it be controlled (if i was a man). It also seems like a source of embarrassment or humiliation, which really intrigues me when mixed with consensual sex practices.

17. I have very little interest in oral sex or the eating of any sort of sexual liquids.

18. One thing I would be interested in that pertains to my body as a woman would be an "Adult Nursing Relationship," or at least, lactating. Maybe this is because this is the closest I could get to producing jizz.

19. Since I was little, I've had a fascination with tubing of many kinds, laboratory equipment, and collecting liquids, especially in a medical context. I don't know if it was specifically sexual when I was little, but it definitely carried a sexual energy with it.

20. I want to, at least once in my life, attend an orgy or something like it.

21. I hope at least some of my future male sexual partners will be open to the idea of power play, specifically with them as submissive. Even if it's just every once in a while. I just don't think that a completely vanilla sexual life would be very fulfilling to me, since at least 98% of my (current) sexual ideas are kink of various sorts.

22. I masturbate most nights, but I think the frequency waxes and wanes with my menstrual cycle. I haven't really figured out exactly how yet, but I know I have less desire to rub one out for about a week after my period is over.

23. Most of the nights I masturbate, I'm not particularly horny beforehand. I mainly use it as a sleep aid in that context.

24. I love amateur porn, especially with solitary people doing kinky things to themselves. It's so much better than the mainstream shit because it's much more intriguing seeing what individual people to do get off. Everybody has their style, and it's hot to see people fucking themselves the way they want to be fucked.

25. In the event of an apocalypse, the first thing I'm doing is going around and having as much anonymous sex as possible. Then, I'm arranging a parade of some sort.
1. I’m a 43-year-old male, straight, and in most ways quite masculine, but largely sexually submissive and very in touch with my feminine side.

2. My first recollection of a vaguely sexual feeling (although I of course didn’t recognize it as such at the time) was watching a women’s wrestling match on TV with my father at the age of seven or less.

3. The only aspect of my personality that I would consider to be a genuine “kink” is a consistent lifelong turn-on from women fighting, wrestling, boxing, etc. As my taste has refined, the preferred type of scenario has evolved specifically to be as brutal/genuine/realistic as possible, but with certain formalities, such as rules, a boxing/wrestling ring, etc.

4. My first orgasm was achieved with the aid of my mother’s Hitachi Magic Wand, and was so intense that I was fearful I’d injured myself.

5. My first experience with porn was reading a particularly juicy passage in my mother’s bedside copy of Marilyn French’s The Women’s Room.

6. Around the same time, I went through a brief period of taking Polaroid photos of my erect penis. The pictures were horrible, and, while the phase lasted, were an intense turn-on.

7. Although I never really thought of it as “bestiality,” and certainly don’t consider it to have been abusive, when I was in my early teens, I once enticed the family cat to lick my penis.

8. From the time I experienced my first pre-sexual “crushes,” I was most attracted to tomboyish, underdeveloped and in some usually subtle way “ugly” girls.

9. When I was in Boy Scouts, there was a woodpile out behind the meeting house where the older boys kept a stash of skin mags, some of which I pilfered. They were invariably tattered and water-stained.

10. My high school girlfriend was a skinny, flat-chested good girl who, though eventually going to third base, would never put out through five years.

11. Two months before graduating, I broke up with her to go out with a fast girl with large breasts and an English accent.

12. I lost my virginity on the bathroom floor of a strange girl’s apartment while her roomate fucked my friend on the sofa bed. I was almost too drunk to complete the transaction.

13. Some weeks later, I found myself in this girl’s apartment again, and during my second time having intercourse, the condom broke.

14. I have never been married, and have had only two relationships of more than a year in length.

15. I have had sex with well in excess of 100 partners over 25 years, and don’t consider myself particularly promiscuous.

16. I worked at an adult video-rental store in college. Though I looked forward to working with porn when I began, by the time I quit I mostly hated it and felt a sickening contempt toward the customers.

17. For several years, I dated an homely, fat girl in college. Though I loved her, I lived with the knowledge I would eventually have to break up with her because I wanted more attractive sexual partners.

18. I have never fucked a girl in the ass, and have never had a strong desire to.

19. I dated an earthy girl who taught me that I did enjoy having a vibrator used on my prostate.

20. I enjoy co-writing erotica with a sexual partner, but have mostly been disappointed in my partners’ efforts.

21. I dated a girl who played guitar in a metal band. One night when she was playing a show, we went back to my apartment between sets and fucked.

22. I dated a girl who was into the BDSM scene. She cut herself, and liked to be cut by her “dom,” who convinced her that I, an Eagle Scout, didn’t know how to handle a knife well enough to use it on her safely. This was my initial and lasting impression of the “lifestyle.”

23. I once found out three months after breaking up with a girlfriend that she had recently been hospitalized for a tubal pregnancy. I never felt guilty about this.

24. Though my drive and level of stimulation have diminished, I still usually masturbate once a day, and can orgasm three times in a day when given the proper stimuli.

25. Although I once thought it would be a relief when I got old enough that my sex drive started to abate, I now sadly realize that the equipment fails long before the desire does.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

1. I'm a 25-year-old male. I characterize myself as cisgender and heterosexual, but on deeper though wonder if that is true. Over the last seven years I've been influenced by church life greatly - I've denied myself a lot of things and made myself feel guilty about a lot of things that I had done when I was younger.

2. I’m not a traditionally masculine person. I am very comfortable with girls; in fact, I’d go so far as to say I’m uncomfortable with most guys. I’ve always felt more comfortable socializing with gay men than with straight, and with women than gay men. I don’t feel the need to compete in the ways that men – at least men in Australia, where I’m from – tend to compete. I’m active, but I don’t enjoy competitive sports. I don’t tend to drink heavily, and when I do I prefer wine to beer. I don’t discuss my conquests, or boast about them. I’m not embarrassed by doing feminine things, or by spending time with women, or by holding my fiance’s purse, or indeed by discussing sexuality, which is taboo amongst most cis-het men I know.

3. I associate deeply with the feminine; if I could choose to be female for a time, I would, but not indefinitely. I maintain a fascination with feminine things; I love wearing makeup (I use theme parties as an excuse) and have had a desire to cross-dress, since a young age (10, maybe?) when I would sneak into the rooms of girls I lived with or who lived nearby and steal their underwear and hygiene products. I suspect this makes me a closet genderqueer; but I’m not entirely sure, because I definitely feel – and act - like a man, and I don’t feel the need to act like a woman. I think that, if I were to act out these urges, I would still have the same personality; I would simply dress differently and furnish my environment differently.

4. When I was younger I experimented with men; I still find myself attracted to the occasional gay man. Interesting, though, that I am never interested in straight men: almost always a very gay, usually very intelligent and self-assured, man. However, I’m definitely on the heterosexual end of the het-homo sliding scale. I find it very interesting that I can be on the feminine end of the gender scale (yet still be a man), yet on the heterosexual end of the orientation scale (yet still occasionally be attracted to gay men).

5. I am engaged to 'E', a girl whom I care about very much and expect to be married to for the entirety of my life. But I've kept most of my less conventional desires secret from her for the length of our four year relationship - although, to be honest, I've kept them secret from myself for at least that same length of time.

6. We are not having sex until we marry, secondary to a combination of my fear of what church people would think, and her having a condition called vaginismus which prevents her from having sex easily. I refused to sleep with her if it hurt her, and asked her to see her doctor about overcoming it; so far, she hasn't invested much into overcoming it before our wedding at the end of the year. This hurts me.

7. Our sex life consists of a lot of foreplay, oral sex, and manual sex. We're both very good at it. However, she doesn't really like to experiment. I feel patronized that she is put out by my asking to come on her breasts rather than in a tissue, or to swallow rather than spit. I'd love to have phone sex or Skype sex. I think her masturbating is the hottest thing in the world, yet she still keeps it secret from me. I need to have a conversation with her about what turns me on, because her response is usually "well, I don't understand why," or "it feels better when you do it," to which I should respond "That's not the point! It turns me on!"

8. I'm very excited at the prospect of us having sex.

9. I first had sex when I was 16. 'L' was in the year above me at school. It was a long, summer fling - I grew up in a holiday town. It mainly happened outdoors, because we were a secret - at the beach, hidden in the scrublands on towels, usually, with many interludes of swimming in the surf. I was impressively tanned that summer. We had a lot of sex, and I'd tried oral, manual, vaginal and anal with her pretty quickly.

10. 'L' introduced me to 'C'. I was L's guy on the side, and C was her girlfriend. That was when I had my first threesome, but C and I quickly fell for each other and spent a lot of time together. She took me to the big smoke, where I had my first orgy, and my first gay sex. It didn't really do it for me, to be honest; I've found that male sexuality isn't really a turn on, even though I can be attracted to males. But I didn't really stop experimenting for a few more years.

11. C and I were fairly vanilla, except that we cut on each other. It was intimate, and sexy, and exhilarating. She was sensible, and stole medical supplies from the doctors' surgery she worked at, so there was little risk associated with it. We stopped - I don't know why. I think we both felt it was wrong. I'm not sure I agree with that now.

12. C and L stayed in the big smoke together, and I went back to my small town. There I dated 'A'. We lived together. We tried some pop-kink (fluffy hand-cuffs), and used a lot of dildos, butt-plugs, and other assorted toys. I learned there that I quite enjoy anal stimulation, although I still haven't ever been fucked hard, and I don't know if I'd enjoy that. She quite enjoyed being penetrated both front and back.

13. Scratch that. I learned that I enjoyed anal stimulation when I was much younger. I discovered masturbation when I was around 13 - I was a late bloomer, I suppose. I did it in the shower, using conditioner. The houses my mother and I lived in were often shared with other families, and I would steal (as I've mentioned) tampons. I looked for something to insert them into, and clearly I only had the one hole. I can't remember how I lubricated them (oil?), but that's how I discovered anal stimulation felt good.

14. A and I were in a somewhat open relationship. We engaged in partner-swapping with friends on occasion, although to be honest none of those times were ever memorable. I'd never had one-night stands until then, and I think that was when I realized that they weren't for me - for me, at least good sex tends to be with someone whose body you know well.

15. From then until E, I had a relatively dry period. I was with a few girls, all of whom were unmemorable, sexually. I repressed myself a lot. I tried not to masturbate, telling myself it was bad. I dated a few girls who didn't want to have premarital sex.

16. Looking back over all of these girls, it's clear I have a type: Fine-boned, freckled, red or dark haired, smaller than I, smart but not smarter than me. Except for the hair color, E fits into these categories: E is a blonde. I think that my preferences have changed to mimic her - these days, I'm attracted to people for the degree of resemblance they have to her. I have a very expressive face, although I've been told by multiple girlfriends in the past that I under-express, so I now use it a bit more.

17. I think that I am an attractive man. I'm not super-defined, but I'm not flabby. I'm average height (5'9" or 175cm), certainly not tall. I have dark, curly hair, that tends to be worn long. I am bespectacled. I have slightly tan skin. I think that the most attractive parts of me are my hands, my calves, my neck, my eyes, my hair. The parts of me that I like the least are my thighs and bum (they are a unit), my love-handles (which ruin my back), and my shoulders: disappointingly, the areas that it seems to me women are most interested in.

18. My favorite part on a woman is the space between her anterior superior iliac spines (the nubbly bits at the front of your pelvis, at the bottom of your stomach), and the bottom of her breasts. I like different things about this space when a woman is on her belly or on her back.

19. I love flirting. The thing I miss most about being single is flirting. The thing I will miss most about having a wedding ring on my finger is that I will no longer be able to flirt honestly.

20. I love hugging and snuggling. I'm a touchy-feely person. The thing I miss second most about being single is not feeling guilty snuggling up to girls that aren't E. It's second-most, because I can snuggle up to her, but I've been living at a distance for the past while for work, and could definitely use some hugs sometimes that aren't forthcoming from any of my friends. But if they were forthcoming, I'd feel a little guilty. Yet another thing I should have a discussion with E about.

21. I've recently started cutting myself. I don't do it for attention - it's well hidden on my body, on the back of my left shoulder. I do it with scalpel blades, so it doesn't scar. I love the sight of my own blood - it's so red, and beautiful. I've photographed myself naked, turned on, and bleeding. I love the pain. It feels good, just a different good. I cut myself only during masturbation. I don't feel like me doing this is wrong. I am, however, very confused by it. I have come to suspect that I may be masochist, in the physical, pain-seeking sense of the word, and thinking back to earlier relationships, like the one with C. I have no idea how to tell my very vanilla fiancee about this.

22. I wouldn't characterize myself as submissive, or dominant, or a switch, although I love power-struggle in the bedroom, and I love make-up sex for that reason. I wish and hope that E will realize that and just take advantage of me, or jump on me and do something to me sexually, tell me what to do, or tie me up and do whatever she wants to me. I'm happy to instigate, but I wish she would do that every now and again. I've read that BDSM is a scale, in which case I suspect I slide from dominant to submissive, tending towards the submissive side; for me, bondage is a part of being dominated, but I could never imagine myself being hog-tied. My idea of being bonded and dominated is her forcing me to do things that I want to do, and being forceful about it, rather than her forcing me to do things that I don't want to do (which I understand is 'hard' kinksters' definition).

23. I've had a long struggle with my faith and my sexuality. I still believe in God, and I still go to church. But I do believe that much of the modern church has its attitudes to sex off the mark. Much of this is to do with the lack of positivity: The church’s people have a way of making people feel guilty about their sexualities; whereas I feel that the teachings of the church suggest that you should make people feel accepted regardless of their sexuality. I do believe, though, that sex is something to be kept for those you love.

24. I masturbate regularly. Sometimes I try to hold myself off from doing it – not because I think it’s wrong, but rather because I feel I need to exercise control over my urges sometimes. I’ve begun viewing pornography more regularly, and I feel less guilty about that than I once did: It’s fantasy. If I were to feel guilty about it, it would be because of the possibility of abuse at the end of production. The thing I am most turned on by is by amateur footage of women masturbating to orgasm. I think it’s the sexiest thing in the world. I wish that I could get the guts to ask friends of mine that I know are sexually active to video themselves masturbating to orgasm, because the only thing that would be sexier would be girls I actually knew doing this.

25. I once had a girl friend of mine masturbate in my room – she was horny, and couldn’t in hers because she had a roommate, so I offered her the privacy of my room. She did it while I was making dinner or something. I planted a camera in my room, and videoed it. It’s an incredibly sexy thing, that I feel incredibly guilty for, and hope to hell she never finds out. I wish I could talk to her about it, though: It turns out she does all kinds of things in privacy I’d never actually have imagined her doing.

Monday, June 13, 2011

1. I'm a 25 year old queer woman. I identify as a dyke, which I think of as more open than lesbian - I am attracted mainly to female bodies, but I know it would be naive to think I could never fall for a male-bodied person. I'm kind of terrified of falling for a man because I think it would involve another "coming out" (to most of my friends, I am lesbian) and reassessment of my sexual identity. And because I don't want to give up sex with women.

2. I'm confident in my gender identity as a woman, but I struggle with gender expression. I don't think of myself as either feminine or masculine. I wear men's underwear under skirts. I'm terribly attracted to androgyny and wish my body was more androgynous. It's definitely feminine.

3. I was 23 before I did anything sexual with another person. I was embarrassed at the time, but now I'm glad I had my first sexual experiences as an adult. It makes me sad when people have a hard time with being a virgin in their 20s because I remember feeling that way and it all worked out.

4. I didn't masturbate until I was in my 20s - I grew up Catholic, and it took me a long time to get over my shame about sex.

5. I've only had one partner. I came out in my early 20s; I never dated before coming out (I thought I was interested in men, but I never managed a relationship), but I started dating my now-ex very shortly after coming out.

6. My first time was the most wonderful first sexual experience I can imagine. Even though I'm not with that partner anymore, I love remembering it.

7. I've never had a nonconsensual sexual experience, other than being felt up when I was super drunk. I feel almost guilty that my experiences of sex and my body have been so completely positive.

8. I love breasts, especially small ones. I love the way two women's bodies look together. I love love love watching my partner suck on my breasts. I am pretty sure I could come just from having my nipples stimulated.

9. I was terrible at making out at the beginning, but my ex called me a prodigy in bed. I think I'm meant to be a dyke because my body just knows what to do with another woman.

10. Oral sex is another matter. My ex didn't like it, so I haven't had much practice. The first time I went down on a woman I almost gagged, it was so overwhelming. I felt awful then because lesbians only talk about how great it is to give, and I thought there must be something wrong with me because it took some serious getting used to. Now, I love it - giving and receiving.

11. I love the smell of sex. I especially love smelling it in her hair before I go down on her.

12. I refuse to ever shave for anyone. I did it once and thought it looked like a prepubescent child; it's so un-sexy to me. I'd prefer my partners don't shave either, but it's their choice. But I think public hair is hot.

13. I think I miss making out even more than sex while I'm single. Women's lips are so soft.

14. I've only tried a vibrator once, but I vastly prefer my own fingers.

15. I have better orgasms alone, but nothing can replace the feeling of making a partner feel good. I love the gasps, sighs, moans, wetness, contractions. It's so intimate to feel all of that from the inside of another person's body. I really love being inside of each other at the same time and responding to each other's bodies.

16. (Vaginal) fisting was the best sex I've ever had. I don't like watching it in porn, but it's amazing in real life.

17. The most intimate sex I've had was days after a vaginal surgery. I'd had bad experiences in the hospital, and my partner went down on me a few days later at home. My body felt like it wasn't mine any more after the hospital; when we had sex, it seemed like she was giving my body back to me.

18. I don't get why people find period sex repulsive. It's just sex, with a little extra clean-up. And I want it more than ever when I'm on my period.

19. I can't decide whether I could do sex without love. Part of me wants a FWB situation because I want sex but I'm not ready for a serious relationship again. On the other hand, so much of the fun of sex is being so intimate with a person I love so much. Maybe I should just think of them (sex with love vs. without) as 2 entirely different activities.

20. I feel like my social world is pretty limited to just queer women, and maybe I should have more straight friends. But it's so easy to associate with each other as queers because we're a somewhat distinct group, we share some common experiences in families and in society as being gay, and it's just easier to find groups based on sexual orientation. I don't really know how else to meet people in the adult world except by going to various LGBT groups / events.

21. My mother called me a "fucking queer" when I came out and tried to cut me off financially when I moved in with my ex. Thank goodness my dad is way more understanding and didn't let her take away my health insurance. The atmosphere in my home (aside from my dad) is very homophobic, and I really wish I could save my teenage sister from it - partly because I suspect she's queer and partly because I want to be closer to her.

22. I guess I'm pretty vanilla, though I try to be GGG. I can't imagine even experimenting with BDSM (I don't judge it, it just doesn't turn me on), and role-play makes me pretty giggly and shy.

23. I like (queer) porn, which makes me feel terribly un-feminist. But some of it is hot. Jiz Lee is my favorite porn star; it makes the little Catholic I have left in me scream that I have a favorite porn star. Erotica is more predictably arousing for me, though.

24. I have better orgasms when I can make noise. And I love hearing my partner's moans.

25. Androgyny is the epitome of sexiness for me. In men or women.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

1. I'm an early-twenties male who identifies as pansexual. I tend to be attracted to women more than men, but more than 95% of my crushes have been after getting to know the person as friends first.

2. I have more pornography saved on my computer than I like to think about, all of it categorized by type, but there's an OCD part of me that wants it categorized perfectly.

3. Despite this, I hardly ever watch any of it. When I'm needing something to visualize, I prefer to find stories online and picture it in my mind than actually watch it 90% of the time.

4. I sometimes write erotic stories, though I have to be in a particular mood and it all ends up as the same category. I don't know if there's something about the mood I have to be in to write, or if it's just easier, but even though I have plenty of interests only a very select few end up written or typed.

5. People seem to assume I have much more experience than I do, especially when I was at university. I've never corrected anyone I wasn't dating about this. I had a total of two partners during university – one was very long distance with no physical contact, one was during a summer break between academic years.

6. I've helped someone go from fairly innocent to confident dominant. Even though it was something she'd been looking for but not really known about, I'm still proud of "corrupting" her, and also that I helped her get some more satisfaction.

7. My BDSM mindset is mostly linked to the gender of my partner – if it's a M/F relationship, I'm 70-30 dom-sub. If it's M/M, it's much more submissive than dominant.

8. Even now, I'm still not sure if I ever really knew the first person I slept with – I knew what she told me about her, but things I found out later mean I'm not sure of anything about her. Thinking back, this is probably about the time I stopped developing crushes on people I didn't know and needed to get to know them first.

9. Despite identifying as pansexual, I've never had a relationship with another man. The closest I've been to one in real life was kissing a friend after a few drinks, and online was cybersex. Most of my friends have been straight, not interested or unavailable by the time I've gotten to know them well enough to develop those feelings for them (see 8).

10. Every partner I've been with who I've given oral sex to has complimented me on my technique and said I'm good, but I find it difficult to believe and always feel like there's something else I could do. This is related to:

11. I'm a perfectionist. Normally, I wouldn't relate that to my sexuality, but I always feel like I can do more, or learn something new and please my partner more than I am.

12. I've never said no to a date. I'd like to say that's because I'm so interesting and it's a great way to meet people, but it would be a lie. When I've been asked, I've always happened to be single and interested.

13. My favorite position to cuddle in is lying on my back, arm around my partner with them cuddling into into my chest.

14. I faked orgasms sometimes with my first girlfriend sometimes – she believed it.

15. I've had a no-strings-attached, friends with benefits relationship, but we both felt there was a danger of too much attachment before ending it.

16. I've never had a threesome, but I want to try it. Either MMF or MFF, but if it was MFF I'd want both girls to be bi, or I wonder if I'd be able to satisfy both at once.

17. My first sexual contact was with my best friend growing up, but often I forget about it because it wasn't anything meaningful; it was more comparing sizes than anything else with some touching. I still remember being really surprised at the difference in size between us.

18. I've both given and received anal sex. I can see why people like giving anal, but it's not my favorite sex act. Of the two, I prefer receiving.

19. My favorite thing is to give oral sex. It's possibly part of my submissive side, but I love to please my partner even if it's as a reward when I'm being dominant.

20. I've never had a one night stand.

21. I lost my virginity differently from everyone I've spoken to about it – giving anal sex to my (at the time) girlfriend. I'd not had any relationships beforehand, and being in one was something of a surprise to me, so we didn't have any protection, and she suggested it.

22. My girlfriend and I did everything but have sex on the floor of a friend's living room where we were staying one night. It was amazing, and even remained a secret from everyone who lived there for half a year, until one of them found out in a very drunken game of truth or dare.

23. My first piercings, post-puberty, were my nipples, partly as I wanted something that would be hidden from my family and because it always felt good to play with them and wondered how that would change it. Other than the time I got them stretched, they feel less sensitive and not as much fun to play with. It's quite disappointing.

24. I don't think there's much I'd refuse to try if a partner asked, even if that means me slowly pushing what I'd have considered a strong boundary (like breath play--the risk of doing it wrong and hurting the person I was with scared me. Especially as I'd been on the receiving side of that with a previous partner and found it more scary than fun).

25. After one relationship where I had problems lasting long enough for it to be really fun, I started learning about and doing Kegel exercises so I could last longer. Despite this, and continuing to do them, I never remember to try them during sex.