Saturday, March 24, 2012

1. I am a 25 year old heterosexual Japanese American man.

2. I am single and have never had a girlfriend. I reside in the Pacific Northwest and could very well be a victim of the infamous “Seattle freeze” syndrome where people in this city have a difficult time making friends. Maybe it’s the rain that brings us all down emotionally.

3. I am a virgin (laugh all you want!).

4. Please don’t get the image in your mind that I’m a hopeless loser who can’t talk to women. I can talk to women and have plenty female friends. I can be a bit shy and introverted at times, but the major reason why I’ve never had sex before is due to Item #4.

5. I grew up in a conservative Christian household. My mom is a moderate but my dad is definitely on the right side of the religious spectrum. I love them both and would never trade them for different parents. I grew up in the church believing sex outside of marriage is a sin that can lead to damnation in Hell. Though I’m a Protestant, I definitely have that “Catholic guilt” complex going on in my life even as an adult. I still go to church (I go to my mom’s church), but I don’t go as often as I did when I was a child. I still believe in God, even though I tend to question the church’s teachings.

6. I went to a private Christian university and received a great education there. I’m definitely a proud alumnus. But as expected, casual sex was not something that happened openly on my campus. Yes, non-marital sex does happen there, but it isn’t nearly as prevalent as it is on other campuses across America.

7. A smaller reason why I am still a virgin, outside of religious guilt, is my ethnicity. I’m Asian. And we all know the stereotype associated with Asian men: They all have small penises. It’s a stereotype that I openly laugh at and joke about in public (when I’m with friends, of course), but it’s a stereotype that deeply hurts me inside. The “Asian Men Have Baby Penises” stereotype goes deeper than just external anatomy. It desexualizes Asian men and places us in the category of being “less than a man” or “not a real man.” This social emasculation gives me a somewhat low self-esteem in the romance/sex department. I need to work on changing that.

8. Though there are plenty of exceptions, I find in my life that white Caucasian women are far less likely to date an Asian man than a man of any other race. Though interracial relationships are more common today than it used to be, the white woman/Asian man dynamic is still a very rare occurrence.

9. Related to Item #6 (this is more of a long essay than a list of 25 Things!), I find women of all colors to be beautiful. White, black, brown, red, yellow or mixed, women are unbelievably beautiful creatures. While most of my crushes have been on young Asian women (my current crush is a young lady who is half Japanese and half white), a gorgeous woman of any race or ethnicity will make my head turn. While I personally understand why some people prefer one race over the other, my sexual attraction is colorblind.

10. While my sexual attraction is colorblind, my preference in relationships is not. For reasons I cannot explain, I’d prefer to settle down with an Asian woman than a woman of any other color. Does this make me racist or tribalist? Perhaps. This unexplainable preference slightly bothers me.

11. Returning to the subject of Asian men and penis size, I am somewhat of a gym rat and spend anywhere between 6 to 8 hours at the gym per week working out. I mostly lift weights and do light cardio and stretching. While I don’t look anything like a bodybuilder or a professional athlete by any stretch of the imagination (I love watching football and baseball, but playing sports has never been my strength), I think I look fairly good naked. But my major insecurity when naked is that little penis hanging between my legs.

12. Is my penis really small? Truthfully, probably not. But that belief is so ingrained in my psyche that I believe it is. There’s an old joke that guys who have small penises drive large trucks and SUVs to compensate. Because I drive a medium-sized sedan, I compensate by building muscles at the gym. My toned body is my way of compensating. I have no idea if it works.

13. I’ve come to define my fear of having a small penis as “Small Penis Syndrome.” Those who suffer from SPS don’t necessarily have a small penis; they just think they do. SPS is all psychological and has little to do with reality.

14. Speaking of going to the gym, in the locker room I do what every guy does: I do research to see how I “measure” up. As far as my empirical observations go, flaccid penises come in all shapes and sizes. What really matters is the size of an erect penis, which of course no one has in a locker room. That would be awkward. But my casual observations lean toward Asian guys tending to have smaller endowments than our white, black and Latino peers. Is it true that black men have larger penises? Maybe. Some of the black guys that work out at my gym seem to be very well endowed.

15. I have two main fetishes that I don’t consider to be that odd: older women and female bodybuilders.

16. Being attracted to older women is pretty normal and has been explained many times. Older women are seen as more experienced, in need of sexual liberation (or awakening), it’s taboo, it’s looked down upon by society at large, etc. I won’t go into much detail about this.

17. Attraction toward female bodybuilders is a little less common but still not too far out there. I love women with large muscles. I find them incredibly sexy. I don’t find skinny, bony women to be that attractive. A thick, strong woman with big, bulging muscles is a major turn-on. Though I’ve never personally met an FBB, I’ve seen toned, athletic women at the gym. And trust me, they make it difficult to concentrate on my workout.

18. My idea of heaven on Earth would be to spend the night with a female bodybuilder. Just Google Lisa Cross, Karen Zaremba, Lynn McCrossin, Yvette Bova, Victoria Dominguez or Denise Masino to get an idea of what I’m talking about.

19. I watch porn occasionally, but what really turns me on is reading sexy scenes from romance books. Romance books written by women are preferable. One chapter out of a Linda Howard novel can turn me on more than watching an hour of mind-numbing predictable porn. I find most porn to be boring or disgusting.

20. I sometimes watch porn to see how well-endowed the male performers are. Some are very large, others appear more normal. Because I’m not attracted to men, I have no idea what sizes of penises straight women and gay men prefer to see in their porn.

21. I think there should be more Asian men doing porn, which is odd considering I don’t consider doing porn to be that noble of a profession. The more we see Asian men as sexual beings, the better society will become (and the dating pool for me!).

22. When I do watch or look at porn, I usually search for muscular women. Whether it’s two FBBs doing a lesbian scene, an FBB going solo or an FBB having sex with a man or fellow male bodybuilder, I prefer to see a muscular woman in action than a skinny, surgery-enhanced girl with fake breasts.

23. Speaking of which, I am not terribly crazy about breasts. I find a woman with small breasts to be more beautiful than a woman with large melons on her chest. And I consider myself to be a leg guy. A great pair of legs will make me go crazy. If the stereotype is that Asian men have small penises, there’s also the hurtful stereotype that Asian women have small breasts. I would imagine this stereotype would hurt them just as much as the small penis stereotype hurts me.

24. I masturbate about 4 to 5 times a week. Since I was 12, I’ve masturbated using the same method: I lay face-down naked in my bed and rub my penis against the mattress till climax. Essentially, this simulates missionary sex. Never once have I manually stimulated myself to orgasm, which is how we normally picture male masturbation.

25. And now, a factoid you’ve all been waiting for: When erect, my penis is 5.5 inches long and 4.75 inches in circumference. There you go. Is that small? Or normal? Or in between? I’ll let you decide.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

1. I am a 19-year-old straight female. It took experimenting my freshman year of college to realize that I am only attracted to men.

2. I haven’t had sex yet. I'm glad it hasn’t happened yet, because only now do I feel ready psychologically. I’m not sure I’m ready to have another person see me that vulnerable.

3. When I masturbated today, I tied down my feet for the first time. I have bound my hands behind my back and gagged myself before. It got me horny when I did it—I can’t imagine what I would be going through if someone else was doing it.

4. I feel like I’ve been behind the curve when it comes to sexual experience—psychologically, that is. I don’t understand how some individuals can date a person they’re not interested in or attracted to.

5. I had a guy sleep over in the beginning of the year for the first time. He never called back. I’m afraid that has set me back.

6. This year feels like one of the few times I've looked in the mirror and found my face beautiful. I don’t feel the same way about the rest of my body.

7. The first time I gave a blowjob, I was in high school. I did it so my ex-boyfriend would still be interested in me. I wish I could explain to my 17-year-old self that he wasn’t worth it.

8. The thought of a guy going down on me is unnerving. I feel like I would enjoy the experience, but I would also be worried about my flabby inner thighs.

9. I’ve never had a mutual sexual relationship. I always feel like I want it more than they do.

10. I have experimented with denying my own orgasms, but I don’t have the will to do it for longer than an hour. I like the feeling of coming too much.

11. My father never molested me or touched me inappropriately, but I link a lot of my negative feelings towards sex and love to him.

12. I don’t enjoy professional porn. I would much rather read erotica. However, amateur porn can turn me on too.

13. I don’t have a shaved pussy, and I feel like that will be a deal-breaker or a turn-off for my partner.

14. I am interested in taking on a dominant role with my partner. I can also be a very happy sub.

15. While physical attractiveness is important to me, I need to be attracted to a guy’s face. Usually, the guys I’m attracted to have slightly angular features, light brown/blonde hair, and very defined masculine features.

16. I am turned off by stubby fingers. I can't imagine them inside me-- and that's the first thing I do imagine when I look at a guy's hands who I am attracted to.

17. I want to lose my virginity to someone I feel connected to on an emotional level—I don’t think I need to be in a relationship for that.

18. Yet, I love being in a relationship. But my past two partners I haven’t felt emotionally connected to, which left the relationship in pieces.

19. One of the most nerve-wracking experiences with a previous boyfriend was when I asked him to bite me on my neck. I think he was a little shocked, but it felt amazing.

20. I am more attracted to older guys. Something about them having their lives together is really sexy.

21. I don’t find my breasts to stimulate me that much. If my partner uses light feather touches and drags his hands down my sides... well, it works much better.

22. I love kissing. You can tell a lot about a person by the way they kiss. If I’m attracted to someone, I imagine what it would be like to make out with them.

23. I feel slightly embarrassed by my lack of sexual experience.

24. I love lacy lingerie—it brings out my sexier side.

25. I have been told I’m cute. I’m not sure whether I find that to be a compliment.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

1. I'm 32 years old, have had one girlfriend, and have not had sexual intercourse.

2. The one girlfriend and I did cuddling, hand-holding, kissing and breast touching, but that's all.

3. I don't usually care about not having had sex, although I remain somewhat curious.

4. My level of libido is generally low, although it occasionally flares up.

5. My lack of sexual experience is mostly due to a few factors: social anxiety, dislike of romance/dating, and a tendency to prefer solitude.

6. I find breasts fascinating and always have. They are not only sexually attractive, but also interesting on other levels: aesthetic, cultural, etc. They are by far the most interesting aspect of sexuality for me. I can't remember a time when I didn't feel interested in them.

7. I usually like large breasts, but smaller ones can be appealing as well.

8. I occasionally find other parts of the (female) anatomy attractive, including legs, hips, and arms. But only mildly.

9. Despite the general cultural expectation that males are supposed to "chase" females, I greatly prefer it the other way around. The relationship mentioned above came about because she pursued me quite aggressively.

10. I seem to be considered good-looking, and other girls/women have approached/flirted with me with in the past. But, due to #5, I've usually turned them away.

11. I think the red hair/freckles look is aesthetically nice.

12. I've only watched one porn movie in my life, and only because my college roommate was making a copy of it for another dorm resident. I thought it was stupid and tasteless.

13. I do, however, sometimes browse the internet for softcore-type material. Specifically, pictures of busty women.

14. I find the idea of a blowjob disgusting. My girlfriend unfortunately really liked it and wanted to perform one on me, which is a factor that led to our breakup.

15. I find kissing boring.

16. I do enjoy physical contact as a more general thing. Hugging, cuddling, etc. are nice. I think there hasn't been enough of that in my life.

17. I've had two crushes in my life, one in preschool and one in 4th grade. At some point, I seemed to lose my ability to crush on anyone.

18. For some reason, a girl shaving her head is (mildly) erotic to me. It may be a combination of its taboo aspect along with its (relative) permanence. A woman with beautiful hair losing it all to the clippers (voluntarily or not) is oddly fascinating.

19. I think that a topless woman is much more attractive than one who is completely nude.

20. I don't have any problem with overweight women, although that's partly because they tend to have larger breasts.

21. I can sometimes appreciate aesthetic beauty in men, but have no desire to engage in any kind of sexual activities with them.

22. I masturbate fairly often, probably 5-6 times a week. This is usually not due to desire, but just because I find it fun. It's not a bad way to kill 10 or 15 minutes.

23. Lack of a relationship doesn't bother me, but I wouldn't mind having more experience with the physical aspects of sex. Or, at least, I often wish I could play with some boobs, as per #6. I think about them often.

24. I honestly don't think I could be in a relationship with a flat-chested woman. There would most likely be no attraction.

25. My parents once asked me if I was asexual. That would seem to sum up how people in my daily life see me.

Monday, March 19, 2012

1. I’m a 27-year-old woman, currently single, and though I’m not counting, I guess I have had sex with around 15 guys (and no girls) so far.

2. I’m a sucker for people who know how to touch my back and neck. It's the key to turning me on, calming me down, making me fall in love.

3. I first explored many of my fantasies through Dungeons & Dragons role playing games, while being in a sexual relationship with the game master.

4. I stayed in a relationship with that guy way longer than I should have because he gave me amazing head and made me come forever and ever, again and again. No one I’ve been with later have reached that level of competency with my cunt.

5. One of the most erotic experiences I’ve had with my clothes on was a private tango lesson.

6. Another was playful fighting.

7. I get turned on by lack of control, and enjoy some physical domination, like being held down.

8. Some pain can potentially be a turn-on, humiliation is a big turn-off.

9. I usually can’t masturbate with only my hands, it’s too predictable. It’s like tickling myself, it doesn’t work. Vibrators work like a charm.

10. One of my favorite fantasies while masturbating is simply floating naked in the sea with the sun sparking off me and the waves. Another is tentacle rape.

11. I used to have very conflicted feelings about causal sex, and had big problems asking for what I want. Not any more. I can be very cuddly and intimate with someone I have no intention of being sexual with again. This sometimes leads to them thinking that we could become “something more,” even though I try to always make my intentions very clear to both me and my partner if I only want casual sex.

12. I love to figure out another person's tics and nerve paths and individual preferences. The best part is to discover something they didn’t know themselves.

13. I love giving blow jobs. The control, finding out exactly what he likes, seeing him enjoy it, keeping him on the edge... Huge turn-ons. I like coming with his cock in my mouth during 69.

14. A huge turn-on is when the guy I’m with gets so turned on they stop controlling themselves. I usually get really frustrated with people who are concentrating too hard on holding back forever, never letting go, losing the spontaneity and fun of it.

15. I collect porn, mostly images, mostly not from mainstream porn, picked from tumblr blogs. Some repeating topics are people who are smiling or laughing during sex, “artistic” photos, vintage pictures, smutty art, manga tentacle rape, and some man-on-man-themed pics.

16. The more sex I have, the more sex I want. If I don't have a steady partner, I don't have a very strong sex drive.

17. The last 8 months, being single, it seems like I’ve entered a cycle where I’m OK for 1.5 months and then I have sex with the first convenient person I’m attracted to.

18. I don’t have a clear preference for a specific body type, age or complexion.

19. I sometimes come in my sleep, and wake up in the middle of it. It’s amazing.

20. I’ve had anal sex 4 times. One of them was great, the rest meh.

21. I enjoy taking naked (sexy or not) self portraits. I’ve posted some of them on the internet, and I’ve sent some to guys when we were together. I’m not at all worried about them turning up somewhere.

22. Intelligence, personal integrity and a strong sense of morals are huge turn-ons for me.

23. I love reading sexually themed blogs.

24. I like to bite. Not ever hard enough to leave marks, but apparently sometimes hard enough that it hurts.

25. I would like to have sex with a woman if the opportunity presented itself.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

1. I am a guy, I am 21 and I call myself bisexual.

2. When I write ”call myself” instead of ”am,” it's because I use the term for lack of a better word. I don’t see sexuality as something static--sometimes I like girls more, sometimes I like guys more. Most of the time I am more attracted to girls, though.

3. I have had sex with four people, all of them girls.

4. I think this number is pretty low, and hopes that it will grow a bit soon. But on the other hand, I'm not much for one night stands with strangers so we will see.

5. The first time I had sex was the night I turned 18. It was with an old friend, who I wasn’t at all interested in, but I was drunk and felt that I might as well do it. We were at a festival at the time, so we went to my tent and did it, no protection or nothing. Naturally the combination of being drunk and doing it for the first time led to a pretty crappy performance on my part. The relationship with my friend got a bit stiff after that, but we got past that awkwardness eventually. Now I just see it as a fun story.

6. Shortly after, I got my only real girlfriend that I have had so far. It was fun while it lasted, but we were both young, and she was a virgin when we got together, so we were both pretty insecure about sex. Still, we had quite a lot of it for a while. It turned out that I had a bigger sex drive than she did, which was frustrating. When we broke up, I had connected sex so much to her that even trying to masturbate was impossible for a while, since it caused me to think about her.

7. The first time I masturbated I was 12. Like most people, I got hooked on it pretty fast.

8. Not long after, I discovered internet porn. The first time I watched it I was so aroused that I started blushing all over my body. Not really knowing what kind of stuff I was looking for I often clicked the “hardcore” category, since it sounded like a sure way to find real sex going on rather then people getting undressed or something. I suspect that this may have affected my sexuality a bit, as we will see further down.

9. Blowjobs are a big turn-on for me. Receiving makes me feel in control, especially if I am standing up and the person is on his/her knees. I haven´t tried giving yet, but I would like to.

10. Going down on a girl is just as hot, although how she tastes can affect the experience quite a bit. For some reason, going down on someone makes me feel in control as well, being the one that hands out the pleasure.

11. I have had some transsexual thoughts: sometimes I wish I was a woman, and sometimes I walk around feeling like one. These occurrences have gotten rarer, though.

12. About six months after my break-up with my girlfriend, I started a sexual relationship with a classmate I met at university. We were not in love, and not really physically interested in each other that much either, but we both wanted to have sex every once in a while. We were not really hiding this relationship, but we were not really open about it either. And in the meantime we both looked around for other partners. She was a bit more successful on that front then me.

13. This arrangement was a good way to let out some sexual frustration, but the sex wasn’t very exiting, just the standard positions and stuff, no passion. Still, it was clearly better then nothing, so we kept doing it for well over a year.

14. Last summer I had a female friend over at my place, lets call her L. I don’t remember what she was supposed to do here, but we ended up in my bed touching each other on top of the clothes. We both wanted to go further, but she had a boyfriend, so we didn’t that time. Pretty soon I picked up on some signals from her and discovered that she was submissive, which I found to be a huge turn-on. So we played a little dominance game in the bed with the clothes still on. Despite that, it was still some of the hottest stuff I had done so far. After that I couldn’t get her out of my head.

15. About two months later L. was back in my apartment, and was staying for three nights. Her intention was not to have sex during these nights, I learned later. Just to play around like we did last time, and possibly kissing. Although she noted herself that she had shaved her vagina before coming here, so it's pretty likely that her subconscious had some other plans.

16. The first night we got undressed, the second night there was petting going on and the third night we had sex, and a lot of it. It felt great at the time, the whole submissive/dominant thing developed pretty quickly and organically into games of control, spanking, handcuffs and other stuff.

17. Although we both enjoyed it very much (she told me she had never felt so horny), there was still the issue of the fact that she did have a boyfriend. The third night, I had her hands chained to the bed and her all undressed. I was very much in the moment, and eventually I had sex with her. Not until a week afterward when she pointed it out to me did I realize that she had not actually agreed on that sex. She had agreed on giving me oral sex, but not penetration. I thought it was consensual, but it wasn’t, since she was still wrestling with the guilt about betraying her boyfriend. That realization wasn’t a very fun one, even though she didn’t seem to take it too seriously. It turned out she was used to men stepping over her boundaries, having been raped several times, and been in abusive relationships. That just made me feel more like a jerk. Moral of story: communication is everything, particularly when you are doing BDSM stuff. We are much better at that now.

18. Despite that less than perfect start L and I kept seeing each other and having sex, trying new stuff all the time, most of it related to BDSM. I suspect that us being together is making us both kinkier than we used to be. Before we started seeing each other, I was indifferent to spanking. Now I am not.

19. I soon discovered that her favorite kind of sex was anal. I had never tried that before, and it grossed me out and made me excited at the same time. Having tried now a few times, it's not my favorite, but I do it sometimes to make her happy, and sometimes just for variation.

20. While I like being the dominant person in bed most of the time, I also feel like being submissive sometimes. I think I used to be more submissive then I am now, but gender roles have made me more dominant.

21. Exploring BDSM has made me much more interested in feminism than I was before. I hope that having a better understanding of the hierarchies that I recreate in bed, there will be less risk of me accidentally bringing similar attitudes or behaviors with me into normal life.

22. My number one sexual fantasy is group sex with several guys and one girl. Preferably in a BDSM context. In my mind, when several guys have sex with one girl, it adds to the objectification of the girl, which is what turns me on. I used to be more disturbed by the fact that objectification turns me on. Not so much any more, though--I believe that it's possible to separate fiction from reality. The problem is that not everyone seems able to do that.

23. For a large part of my teenage years, I almost only fell in love with redheads. I think this was caused by a single crush that I thought a lot about after I couldn’t see her any more, and that somehow made my brain connect red hair with beauty/love.

24. I recently successfully fisted L. We have tried a few times before, but this was the first time we pulled it off. I thought it was really cool, and she had a massive orgasm, so it seems likely that we will try that again.

25. I prefer open relationships to closed ones. I don’t see why I should limit myself or my partner to just being with each other. But like with all relationships, this is of course something you have to agree on together.