Friday, April 10, 2009

A note from the curator

Thanks to everyone who's sent in their lists so far. 100 posted to date!

If you've been thinking about contributing a list of your own, I encourage you to. Spread the word about the site, too!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

1. Around when I hit puberty, I used to scour the internet for naked girls' pictures. I graduated to ten-second porn clips much later, but one of my biggest turn-ons has been always the beginning set up, especially clothed make out scenes with boob grabbing.

2. I also read sex message boards and loved the user-posted erotica. I wrote my own version when I was probably 12 years old, despite the fact that I hadn't seen hardcore porn and didn't know very many bad words (I think I used "V" at one point because I didn't want to say vagina). After posting I immediately signed off the message board and never returned, feeling massive amounts of guilt and fearful of negative feedback.

3. I also used those message boards in a quest to figure out how to masturbate, as I didn't have the first idea of how my body worked. Following a suggestion I read, I broke my hymen with a candle when my parents weren't home. The blood freaked me out.

4. I finally had my first orgasm one night attempting to make my hand mimic a vibrator, moving it very quickly back and forth. After discovering that possibility I did it every day, many times a day for a while. I don't think I finessed my technique for a while until I actually learned what a clitoris is.

5. I tried cybering a lot in my younger teens, but it never really worked out. I would go to "teen flirt" chat rooms and pretend that I was a hot naked 18 year old with huge boobs and a shaved pussy. I think there was only one time that I got past the whole "hello, what are you wearing, how big are your boobs" part, but my parents came home and that was the end of that.

6. When I was eight or nine a boy friend of mine and I did the whole "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" thing. I used to flash him my non-existent boobs which made him laugh. We also practiced kissing, which involved a peck on the lips and running away from each other. I know now that childhood stuff like that is relatively common, but I felt guilty about it for years and cringe now thinking about it.

7. The next time I kissed a boy and the first time I had a boyfriend I was 17. He wasn't experienced either - he was especially afraid to make a move that would scare me away and I was not really into the idea of taking the lead so each next step took months. We didn't have sex for pretty much exactly a year. Though I would have been okay with moving faster and so would he, I like the way it worked out - no regrets, never being uncomfortable, learning with each other.

8. One of the only times I did take the lead was when I started to give him a handjob through his pants for the first time. In a very short time he came in his pants, leaving a noticeable stain. I was absolutely mortified. He was not. (In retrospect, that doesn't make any sense.) At any rate, we had to drive half an hour to his house for him to change. On the way the song "The Stroke" by Billy Squier came on the radio. I can't ever hear that song without associating it with that night.

9. I have gotten myself off on some pretty hardcore rape fantasies. The worst one I ever imagined up was a violent take on Lord of the Rings (I was obsessed with the movies for a year or so) in which I was tied to a tree and gang banged by Orcs while Merry and Pippin watched. I haven't really thought about anything that freaky in a while, but I would love being taken control of. The problem is that my boyfriend is also sort of submissive so I'm frequently forced to take control (which isn't bad or anything, but doesn't turn me on nearly as much).

10. On that same geeky note, my first sexual crush was Kevin Smith, the guy who played Ares from Xena and Hercules (that leather! those muscles!). I met him at a Xena convention when I was ten (adding his kiwi accent to the list of turn-ons), which is to this day one of the highlights of my life.

11. While I don't see my boyfriend and I breaking up any time soon, I would love to have sex with and/or date a black man. The hottest black guys are always hotter than the hottest white guys, no question.

12. I also would love to have sex with a girl. I love breasts and curves. I would love to eat a girl out and make her orgasm. I don't think I would call myself bisexual, because I don't know that I could fall in love with a girl, but I love looking at beautiful women (I wouldn't call myself straight though, so clearly labels are useless). I once made a "lesbian" powerpoint with 33 of my favorite hot women (and plenty of pictures of each). I have a type: I think beautiful hispanic women are especially sensual (Salma Hayek, Penelope Cruz, & Eva Mendes are perfection).

13. I love giving head and have gotten pretty good at it (lots of practice, considering the whole not having sex for a year thing from #7). I almost consider it an art, and I like to make each time a little different, a little special. When I first tried my boyfriend would let me know when he was coming and finish in his hand, but that was a little ridiculous. We talked about it and I've swallowed every time since - I'm not sure I quite understand spitting. If it's in your mouth already, swallowing is the fastest way to get rid of it.

14. The first time my boyfriend combined fingering and going down on me I orgasmed so intensely that afterwards I wept, as a purely physical response. That hasn't happened since, unfortunately. Maybe because my body is used to it? I don't really know, considering his technique has only improved.

15. I'm pretty sure I'm really bad at being on top. I enjoy it, but whenever I move in the ways that make me feel good, my boyfriend doesn't really get much out of it. It's possible that dick size has something to do with it - though average sized, he's always worried that if I move too much it'll fall out.

16. I don't think I've ever "made love." Despite my boyfriend's generally loving demeanor and wonderful cuddling skills, there's never been any intense loving gazes or anything during the act. Half the time he's not even really looking at me, and a grunted "I love you" is not really what I'm after. Don't get me wrong, I love plain old fucking hard as much as the next girl, but I feel like there has to be something missing in lacking that experience. But there's nothing I can do to make it happen, hopefully one day it'll happen naturally.

17. I've had several sex dreams but a couple of them stand out because my point of view was that of a man's. In one I was jerking off, and the sensation was unlike anything I have ever or ever could feel in real life being a girl. I truly believe I was feeling what guys feel! It enhanced my understanding and skill level in making a guy feel good, but was also somewhat of a spiritual eye opener. Perhaps I have an unconscious memory of a past life in which I was male, perhaps I was experiencing the collective unconscious, perhaps I was sharing in the experience of some horny guy out there who I am connected to as I am connected to everyone and everything... or maybe it was nothing but a stupid dream. I've fantasized once or twice from the male point of view, and not only does it challenge the mind in gender bending ways, it definitely does the trick.

18. I've never orgasmed from sex, only oral. Since oral is normally combined with finger fucking, I have had some G-spot orgasms from that (so I know I'm physically able to), but not from dick... My boyfriend used to try to play with my clit during sex but for some reason it just felt weird and never really worked. Though I love having sex, I know it could be a lot better if I just figured out the right position or something. I feel like I'm missing out, but not for long, I hope...

19. Though I don't have any real strong desire to lick anyone's feet or suck anyone's toes, I think they're an erogenous zone of mine that have never been paid attention to. A while ago I was walking around my house with bare feet and my dog licked my foot and I was instantly turned on. I felt guilty and grossed out by being aroused by my dog, but now I sort of wish my boyfriend would do something similar. I know, however, that the idea of it doesn't do anything for him and he never will.

20. Actually, my boyfriend is pretty vanilla. He is happy doing what works for him over and over and over (and over and over...) again - a.k.a. missionary. There's a specific formula to whenever we have sex: make out and take our clothes off, he makes me come with his mouth, I get him hard with my mouth, and he comes inside of me. It's all very satisfying for both parties, but I feel like (besides the fact that it's done the same way every time) there's a lack of fluidity and excitement, and more just going through the motions. I'm trying to spice things up, but I only do it a bit at a time, because I'm afraid of what he'll think of me if I'm too out of the ordinary.

21. While at school, I share a room with another girl. Our sleep patterns are very different - often times she'll go to bed at 11 and I'll stay up till 3. Sometimes, when I go to bed late and she's already been asleep for a while, I masturbate under the covers quietly. I feel really guilty about this, but it definitely helps me go to sleep, and I know she can't hear or see me.

22. I bought a ten-dollar vibrator a few months ago that I rarely use, mostly due to the noise level. When I do use it, I find that my orgasms aren't really that great anyway! I hope to one day buy some really high tech sex toy (a rabbit maybe) but that's far into the future, considering I'm a poor student and it doesn't make sense to buy something I could do for myself (or my boyfriend could do for me!).

23. The night I found myself watching horrible softcore porn with ugly people with botched breast implants on cable at 4 AM with 5 guys and one terrified girl was the night that I found myself turned off from porn forever. It was the biggest joke in the world, not sexy in the slightest. Maybe there is porn out there that's done right, but it would seem that I am no longer turned on by smuttiest of awful porn. Even erotic fiction has lost its charm. Thank God for my imagination.

24. I would never cheat on my boyfriend, nor do I want to end our relationship to date other guys. However, I recently met a guy who I initially wrote off as good looking but too slim for my taste (I like a guy with some substance) but then we started talking... His intellectual take on life, the meaning of life and what he wanted to do in the world, literally turned me on. Apparently a good conversation about existential crises makes me wet. Great.

25. I used to think I would be all for one night stands - there's nothing wrong with two strangers using each other for a night of fun! I also used to think that I could see myself being a stripper or a high class hooker, which I still have no problems with morally. But I guess this long term relationship I'm in has changed that for me, because now I couldn't see myself even casually hooking up with someone. If my relationship does end one day I might think differently (I plan to travel a lot, and would not be opposed to foreign flings). Since I don't see my relationship ending (call me youthfully naive), I don't see those flings happening (for better or for worse).

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

1. When I was around 12 years old I was in love with my best friend and didn't realize it. I thought it was normal for two girls to shower together, spend every moment together, and to have pictures of each other on us all the time. I was completely possessive.

2. I once pretended to be a guy she met online and we would have "cyber-sex." She eventually found out and it was completely embarrassing. I think what turned me on the most was pretending to be a man having sex with a woman. The idea of gender play still turns me on, but I haven't acted on it.

3. I've only had sex with two men. I never bothered to count all of the women.

4. One of those men was an asshole and raped me. I was sixteen, drunk, and my friends abandoned me. I remember blacking out every couple of minutes and when I came to he was forcing me down on him, taking my clothes off, and trying to fuck me. I never said anything, because so many people were friends with him. While I've come to terms with it and moved on, I think it has had an effect on how I feel about men sexually.

5. I tend to be very aggressive and dominant in most of my sexual encounters. I think it's just natural for me to be in control. I want someone to take that control from me.

6. I can't help that I love to bite and scratch. I accidentally drew blood on the back of one of my lovers and while I felt bad later on, I was also very turned on by it. She was okay with it too. We joke about it now.

7. I've only been in one monogamous relationship (that lasted longer than a month) and I don't think I could do it again. I didn't know that there were any other options so I've just avoided dating for years now. My ideal relationship style is probably my own version of polyamory.

8. I love queer porn. Of course I love to watch women masturbate or fuck, but something about gay porn also turns me on. Not turned on by heterosexual porn, but when it comes to gay men fucking each other, I can't resist. I think it has to do with the energy and force. I love it.

9. Flirting, foreplay, and tension turn me on so much that I put it right up there with my love for orgasms.

10. I would rather watch a lover have an orgasm at my hand, her own, or someone else's than have one myself.

11. I've mostly given men head, but oddly have only gone down on one woman. I love it, but I think I'm too intimidated in the heat of the moment. Theory and practice are two very different things. I'm working on it.

12. In elementary school there was this girl I thought was really hot and I used to imagine her tied up and gagged, being flogged by a bunch of men. I hated even thinking about it because it turned me on and I thought it was terrible at the same time.

13. One of my fantasies to this day is as simple as showering with another person. I don't really like water, but something about a controlled amount of hot water and being so close to someone else's nude amazing body is a huge turn on.

14. Imagining a lover with someone else used to make me jealous, but in some way now it arouses me.

15. I tend to flirt with a lot of different people, but don't usually act on it. Sometimes that's as far as my sexual interest takes me, and sometimes I'm just not really in the mood to do anything about it.

16. When I moved to a new, inspiring city I was looking for some kind of comfort. I slept with this girl I met at the dorms and we became friends with benefits. I wasn't really emotionally attached so I didn't consider is anything other than that. I didn't want to be with her. I didn't even like holding hands with her in public. It was a long, draining, frustrating situation, but I finally ended it because we were looking for very different things. We don't talk anymore.

17. If I didn't love the female body so much, I would much rather be a man. I don't think it's vain to love looking at my soft skin and breasts in the mirror.

18. I love breasts and curves so much that I can hardly keep my hands off of the person I'm sleeping with or next to, depending on the relationship. I just love to lightly trace her entire body with my fingertips.

19. People that are more sexually experienced than me (I'm not really that experienced) intimidate me, but that anxiousness and tension arouses me.

20. I somewhat recently bought my first vibrator, and I can't imagine masturbating without it now. What the hell took me so long?

21. I love dirty talk, though I'm not that good with it yet. Just hearing what someone wants to do to me is such a huge turn on. And please tell me you want to fuck me. So hot.

22. I'm not big on PDA, but when I'm turned on or drinking I can't help myself! Fondling, fingering, or fucking in a public place is definitely a fantasy.

23. Sex was never talked about in the very conservative area that I'm from and no one seemed to have sex toys or any kind of alternative sex play. Because of that I wasn't exposed to it outside of the internet until about two years ago now. I'm still catching up.

24. Once I've had sex with someone I'm much more open and aggressive, but until then I tend to be pretty shy and unsure. Unless of course I am intoxicated.

25. I once made out with two other people at the same time on some random rooftop where we were partying. It was my best friends brother and girlfriend. I wanted to make out with her, and that was the way the deal worked out. It was really hot, and I think because of that I'd definitely love to try out a threesome eventually.
1. I have always been sex-positive, since before we had a term for that!

2. I masturbated early and have always gotten easily aroused. However, despite many years of trying, I've never had an orgasm from masturbation.

3. I've never felt comfortable about being naked in a public situation. I had kidney disease when I was very young and wound up having tests that involved having to be catheterized a few times. That was very traumatic and may have contributed to being very uncomfortable about public, pubic exposure. That said, aside from some initial awkwardness with my first lover, I never had any other trouble being naked around a lover.

4. I read an awful lot about sex, including some of my father's soft-core porn, when I was still in elementary school. About the same time, I read my cousin's Playboys, which was a revelation!

5. I got involved in some make-out sessions in high school, but didn't really date. I probably intimidated high school guys - I've always been fat, outspoken and reasonably smart. But in college and in some social groups, I found many men were not intimidated by big, boisterous women, which was great to discover!

6. My first lover and I slept together and made out in bed a few times before having sex. I was pretty insistent on being on the Pill before I finally had sex; I didn't want to worry about condoms or other kinds of less automatic birth control when we were learning about sex together (we were both very horny virgins). Our first night together was both awkward and wonderful. However, it took me a few weeks to have an orgasm. The first orgasm I had was completely mindblowing. However, I only have one about 30% of the time. This is frustrating because I do arouse easily.

7. While I've been with my husband (who was my first lover) and I have been together since college, we had an open relationship for years and each had lovers sporadically. We stopped this behavior because we found having other lovers can make you lose your focus on your primary partner. It might work for other folks, but it really didn't work for us.

8. I normally only have an orgasm if I'm flat on my back, which is annoying. I've tried almost every other position imaginable and it's never worked. However, one time I did have a fling with a friend. We made out pretty intensely for a couple of hours. He finally came, and I said I just couldn't take any more time. About ten minutes later, we were on an escalator together, and I had an intense orgasm in public while standing on the escalator. I held onto the sides pretty tightly that time so I wouldn't fall over!

9. I had another affair that left me manic and aroused for about six months. It was very, very strange. The guy was emotionally distant, but he was a major rocket in bed. He broke up with me by taking another lover and not telling me. She implied what was happening between them... not knowing I had been his lover.

10. I've only had four lovers. I can remember the feel of their cock, tongue or fingers in my cunt - I could identify any of them blindfolded!

11. I believe that most people are basically bi, but societal strictures restrain people from acting on this. While I'm mostly attracted to men, I've been attracted to women, but haven't acted on this (see #7 - I probably would have had a female lover had the opportunity presented itself).

12. I felt very sexual during my pregnancies, and my husband always made me feel very sexy.

13. I had an episiotomy (vaginal incision) during the birth of my first child. I was worried that it would sexually ruin me. We had sex for the first time only three weeks later. While somewhat painful, I took the attitude that I had to endure the pain to exercise the muscles around the vagina. About the same time, I got more interested in oral sex, something I'd been somewhat skittish about for the first few years of being sexually active. After a few weeks, the pain subsided and our sex life was great. I found I adored oral sex! Sometimes, sexual tastes do change.

14. For various reasons (overwork, depression, kids, the usual, and... see #9 and #25) our sex life got strained when we were in our 30s. One weekend, the kids were away and we spent most of the weekend getting reacquainted in bed. Highly recommended!

15. One time, I was so distracted during sex that I mumbled "come in" when a teenaged child knocked on our door. "No, don't!" my husband yelled. That was terribly embarrassing.

16. I've often wondered how much alike our parents/siblings/children are sexually. Does my mother like the same things I like? Does she have the same orgasmic problems I did? What about my siblings? I know my mother felt ignored in bed at one point and eventually did divorce my father, but we've never discussed details. Let's face it - our genetics and upbringing does impact our sexuality, but it's not always clear WHAT THE IMPACT IS. Despite my intense curiosity on this issue, I've never talked to family members about this.

17. Internet porn amused me, particularly the claim about "female ejaculation." I could see how that would be possible, but I'd always been a "leaker" rather than a "spurter." However, at least once in my 40s and a couple of times in my 50s, I've ejaculated, usually during cuningulus when my husband is also masturbating me. The first few times, it was a very electric feeling (and once I hit my husband right in the eye). Now, my ejaculations sometimes occur separately from an actual orgasm.

18. While I've often heard that a male's breasts are not erogenous zones, my husband has very sensitive breasts. We both get very aroused from breast play.

19. After more than 30 years together, we're still very vanilla. About the only weirdness is that I haven't come from standard intercourse since the '90s (he uses Viagra about half the time, which doesn't seem to make a difference to me). So we tend to have foreplay, I'll give him head, we'll have intercourse, then he'll go down on me for a very long time (sometimes, up to an hour) and masturbate me. Sometimes I come, sometimes I don't. Then we'll have intercourse until he comes. We do enjoy having sex at odd times, especially in the afternoon when no one is home but us.

20. I finally got a vibrator, and while I've used it with my husband from time to time, I do plan to practice solo with it to see if I can have an orgasm from it. It doesn't hurt to try!

21. One of the deep dark societal secrets is that not only do fat people seem to enjoy sex more than skinny people, they're also generally better at it!

22. I plan to have a lot more sex when we're both retired.

23. Even though I'm in menopause, I still get quite wet when I'm aroused.

24. When one child was two, I had a birth control failure and had an abortion. I've despised the people who make it their business to picket clinics to this day, but they did not prevent me from having an abortion.

25. When I was very little, I was sexually assaulted by a male relative. When I remembered the incident, nearly 30 years later, it made a lot of sense. While it screwed up my sex life for a while, I'm glad my husband stuck by me and we were able to work things out. I'm actually grateful I didn't remember it until I was older because it would have made establishing a great sex life so much harder. (I had long suspected that my husband might have been sexually assaulted by his sickie father, but he said no when we talked about it (though he was beaten by him). The guy I most liked in high school came from a family where at least one member was sexually assaulted by a relative (which I heard about years later).)
01. Male. 28. To answer your question. I've never really understood the fuss about gender specificity, i.e. what your sexual orientation is. Why anyone should be one thing or another and for it to determine social status. It really doesn't matter. Anyone that investigates their identity explores their sexuality and that's, if anything else, interesting. It should be a valued part of society, not a divisive one.

02. I confuse attention with affection with interest with intimacy with emotion with intensity with interest with affection with emotion with attention with, and on and on. My emotional wisdom or maturity is far less developed than my intellect. Always confused. Always confused.

03. My childhood was just one fucked up (sexually related) taboo-laden mess. I hate my parents for ignoring, effectively, an aspect of life common to all. Common to society. Common to all (social) relationships. My parents didn't communicate. Didn't express affection. Didn't have friends. Loved God. Thanks. Philip Larkin was right.

04. There's nothing wrong with sex, sexual behaviour. Consenting. WTF. Why the taboo? Why the stigma, the politics of it all? I wish it was more openly discussed. More openly discussed. It affects everybody. Just talk about it!

05. I've never had casual sex. Part of me doesn't want it. Well, not just one-night-stand-sex casual sex. My experience of sex has been that it gets better with personal familiarity. Sex is important, but it is only sex -- it is different of course when feelings become involved. I crave the physicality. And yet I've never had the opportunity -- or the opportunity hasn't been made clear enough -- to try. I just want some fun. A fling or too. I've gotten nowhere on this front. I want to know how it works.

06. I want sexual freedom. I want to be able to just ask. I want to be able to have the confidence to just ask. To flirt. To find. I don't understand.

07. I want to see every person I find attractive, naked. And that's okay.

08. I masturbate nearly every day. It's a form of. It's energising. The physical release. There is also a sense that it's. That it's a form of deferment. Maybe. Distraction.

09. My sexuality is my psyche is my identity is my body is my reality. It's part of my being, it's part of me. Yet it's so often shielded in some form of emotionally orientated defensive mechanism. Argh.

10. I have a very high sex drive and I've never met a girl, sexually, who didn't like sex. Yet sex is about, is influenced by, attraction, desire and emotional well being.

11. Loving and losing. It's tough. I miss the sex. I love the mess, the smell, the sweat, the physicality. The physicality. The physicality. Sex does have more meaning. Well. It depends on the kind of love. Sex changes if love is involved.

12. I don't believe monogamy is particularly realistic given that everyone changes over time. Lust for other people is inevitable, and utterly acceptable.

13. Sexually, I'm willing to do and accept anything. Everyone is different. What's the problem? I don't really understand.

14. I love kissing, touching, playing, foreplay. Passionate kissing is a real turn on, as is sharp, sassy dialogue. Laughing, smiling.

15. I love seeing a girl masturbate and cum. It's beautiful. I find it a real turn on.

16. I love going down on a woman. I just love it. Even if there's blood. I love the movement and physical reaction. I love being able to give a girl an orgasm in different ways other than intercourse.

17. I'm happier and infinitely more comfortable with someone when there is an open discussion about what turns who on. And what doesn't. Discovering something new is wonderful. Just talking. Communication. That goes for anything.

18. And talking during sex. Kissing during sex. I love kissing during sex.

19. I'm particularly attracted to slim/ skinny girls around my height or shorter. Small breasts. Defined features. Generally dark hair, generally caucasian. Very attracted to red, very ginger hair. Pale skin and freckles too. Often inherent. Oedipus fucking complex. WTF. Thanks.

20. I'm overwhelmingly attracted to women that use makeup sparingly. That use bright colours. I love chipped nail varnish. I'm so turned off when I can see foundation and fake eyelashes. Fake nails. It's almost an unconscious recognition until I realise why.

21. I've dated girls because they've shown a particular interest in me, and not because the feeling was mutual. Tantamount to self-harm. I can't believe it's taken me quite so long to realise that it's utterly unfair, both on the other person and on myself. Idiot. I once engaged upon a relationship with someone I wasn't physically attracted to. Intellectually, yes, physically, no. I tried, I really tried to ignore it. It wasn't something that I could manage to sustain and so I ended the relationship. I was honest and stated straight out why instead of masking the truth. The truth was painfully true and the confusion moreso.

22. Joel Parrish/Charlie Kaufman and his comment on why does he fall in love with every girl that shows him the slightest bit of attention is uncomfortably uncanny.

23. I don't have nearly the sex life I wish I was having. In equal measure, I'm glad I don't have an STD, or exposure to (more than) one.

24. I would love to have sex with more than one person. A threesome. A foursome. Etc...

25. As insightful as it is confusing. Everyone is different but all are interested in sex, sexuality, self-expression. Information and communication is the only obstacle. What of anonymity?