Monday, February 20, 2012

1) I'm a 31, soon to be divorced, bisexual female. I've had three male partners in my life and two female.

2) I've "messed around" with more people of both genders, but never had sex with them. I do not have sex if I don't feel anything for someone. It might sound cliched, but physical intimacy stems from emotional. One can't exist without the other.

3) Of all the partners I've had, only one male has made me orgasm. Before him, I was beginning to think I might actually be a lesbian with how underwhelming penises had been for me.

4) I like cum. With the exception of a facial, it's sexy when my boyfriend comes inside me, and it wouldn't bother me if if he came on my tummy or chest.

5) I don't like a man going down on me. I've never had a man do it right, it grosses me out a little, and it's a very vulnerable position to be in. With that said, I am curious about whether my boyfriend would be good at it. He doesn't enjoy performing oral on a woman either, but with all the ways he's pleased me, it's sort of something in the back of my mind.

6) While I identify with being bisexual and really had my doubts about enjoying men, I've always been more attracted to them. I'm extremely attracted to women, but I don't believe I could ever be with one in the long term. The men and women I'm attracted to are, with very little wiggle room, brunettes and usually alternative or nerdy looking. The men need to be over 6 feet tall and the woman cannot be fake looking. I definitely prefer caucasians over any other race.

7) I love giving oral sex and hand jobs. It's sexy, it makes me feel in control, and it gets me incredibly wet. I love hearing my partner being pleased, watching his body move, and the feel of his cock in my mouth.

8) I love a circumcised penis. I'm turned off when it's not, when it's veiny, odd colored, or if it's crooked.

9) I think about sex many, many times daily. I would have sex several times a day if I could. You could describe me as a female pig, if we're giving labels.

10) I've had more sex with my boyfriend than I have ever had with anyone else. I actually crave him inside of me, and the thought of his hands on my skin makes me immediately wet. I'm attracted to him in a way I didn't think possible and I literally want him ALL THE TIME. He's literally the best man I've ever met, who unfailingly makes me feel happy and beautiful, and the connection I have to him feels like nothing short of fate. I've wondered if I'd have met him if I hadn't taken the paths I have taken, or what it would have been like if I'd met him earlier in my life. I am pretty sure life would have brought us together somehow, and it might be cool to have seen how. I'm truly the luckiest woman ever, and I now know what the meaning of love is.

11) I don't like anal sex. I've tried it three times and it felt awful. It was like having a bowel movement and didn't turn me on at all. I'd be open to trying it again with my boyfriend if he asked, as I think it would be a very different experience with him, but it's not something I'm ever going to push for.

12) I like to be tied up, my hair pulled a little, being thrown down on the bed, being pushed up against a wall and spanked. I'm even into having a little warm wax poured onto me. A little dominance is very, very sexy to me.

13) I've been both molested and raped in my lifetime. One of my earliest memories is of being in my mother's car after her boyfriend had molested me that afternoon and thinking that I was never going to be the same (strange what you realize as a kid)--that I was dirty and evil. I believe that because of this, I've always (until very recently) had serious control and space issues. I don't like knowing I was used and thrown away, with little regard for my feelings. I have built walls around me making sure I'm never used again (sexually or otherwise). If ever I am in a situation where I feel as though I'm being used, I get angry and I slowly shut myself off emotionally until there is nothing left. I've been told I was cold and I felt "dead" to my ex-husband. I felt guilty about that for a while, but now I feel like he brought it on himself. He made me slam that door shut, and once it's closed, it's never opened again. I've got a lot of regret rolled up with that man, and I am embarrassed that I allowed anyone to treat me as he did. I deserved better, and I should have taken control of that situation way sooner.

14) I don't count the man who raped me or the man who molested me (even though in the latter case there was no penetration) as sexual partners. They were not consensual, so I refuse to acknowledge them in this way.

15) I love it when someone talks dirty to me. I love hearing how my pussy feels and how hard you are over me.

16) I love both being fucked hard and deep penetration. The feeling of cock being rammed into me makes me orgasm very easily.

17) I love to masturbate. I started when I was around 11 and haven't stopped. This was the only really good thing about maturing early, as my hormones kicked in. I've actually skipped out of school to stay home and masturbate all day, and there have been times, even when I was older, that I have masturbated 5 times a day (with several orgasms each session).

18) I like to watch some porn. I say this loosely, because I have very specific things I want to see and don't want to see when I view pornography. I'm a realist when it comes to porn (like I am in most aspects of my life) and therefore find 90% of mainstream porn to be a turnoff for me. I don't want to see "perfect" looking women performing in impossible positions, in completely fabricated scenarios and making faces over getting fucked like a jack rabbit. It's not sexy and actually quite ridiculous. I'm also truly saddened by the fact that I've read numerous articles on these women and how they don't appear to be drunk or high while performing, but that they usually are and it's because of what is expected of them (position-wise, certain sex acts, etc.) and that most don't even enjoy what they're doing or orgasm from it. Morally, it bothers me to watch this type of "circus side show," and sometimes I wonder how others can look past it and inject themselves into the fantasy they see on the screen. Honestly, I don't judge anyone who does like mainstream porn, I just prefer the Dane Jones type of porn. It looks like things you'd actually do, with real looking but not whorish women. I don't need to see anal, facials, or a woman gagging on some dude's cock. It even appears as though both parties are enjoying it. It might all be another illusion, but at least it's one I can enjoy.

19) For me, masturbating and watching porn is COMPLETELY separate from my relationship (at least my current one) and sex life. It's got no bearing on his attractiveness, the type of sex we're having, etc. It's called "me time" for a reason- it's about getting me off, nothing more. In the past I absolutely used it as a tool to avoid sexual contact with my significant other, but I've never done that before or since.

20) My favorite way to have sex is with him on top and my legs up. It allows for deep penetration and he can be a bit more forceful without hitting my cervix.

21) I love having my nipples pinched lightly.

22) I want to watch my boyfriend masturbate. I'd like to see him stroke himself and watch him orgasm. Truthfully, though, he might not get to finish, because watching him touch himself would make me want to have him bend me over and rail me.

23) I very rarely use my fingers inside myself, but I love having fingers inside me. I also don't mind how I taste.

24) I have a shaved pussy and prefer it that way.

25) I'm happy I did this list. I learned that this list could be twice as long for me and that it's really liberating to put some of my sexuality out there.