Thursday, October 8, 2009

1. I didn't masturbate regularly and with intent until I was 20 or 21, but I used to wake up masturbating when I was younger. Most of the time, I'd withdraw my hand quickly in shame and embarrassment. But occasionally, I'd pretend I was still sleeping and couldn't do anything about it.

2. I didn't understand the clitoris until my first boyfriend fingered me at 18. When I masturbate without a vibrator, I still do it the way he did it.

3. I went to college as a virgin because of religion (Catholicism). I started getting male attention almost immediately, but didn't realize I was pretty. Which led to an unfortunate situation where I was nearly date-raped by a "friend". I must have said stop 100 times before he actually did. If he'd decided not to, there wasn't really much I could do as he was bigger, stronger... hairier. I wasn't interested in sex or sexuality after that for almost two years, and started making gay boys my best friends.

4. The first person I allowed myself to be intimate with after that experience was a girl almost two years later. She was very kind and understanding. We remain good friends to this day.

5. Because of that, I didn't lose my virginity until I was 24 (I'm 26 now). I felt a release one day and decided I was ready. It took six years to get over the effects, and he didn't even rape me. I went home with a stranger I met in a gay bar shortly thereafter. He was kind, but the sex was terrible. I've only seen him once since.

6. I don't regret it.

7. In the two or so years since I lost the big V, I've slept with 13 people (12 boys and 1 girl). My friends tell me I'm just catching up.

8. Of the 13 people, six were one-night stands... practice. Also, one was Italian, one Thai, one Irish, one English, one Puerto Rican, two African-American, one Asian-American, and 5 white American. I have absolutely no type. And apparently foreigners find me sexy.

9. I love going down on a guy, but I don't think I've very good at it. I wish boys wouldn't be so nice. I want you to tell me what you want when I ask. Not, "I like everything." That's not helpful. I'm just trying to please you. So, please, let me do that, won't you?

10. I'm not scared of the asshole. I want to have anal sex. But I don't want to do it with just anyone. Nothing else about my sexuality has been special, so I'm "saving" that. I also want it to be with someone who's willing to take the time to do it properly and make sure I feel good too. Up to this point, the biggest thing that's been in my ass was two fingers. And it wasn't done properly.

11. I'd also like to be fisted.

12. Lesbian sex is completely fulfilling for me. But I tend to date more guys because it's easier. Everyone seems to be assumed straight until proven otherwise.

13. I've dated people I met online. It hasn't worked out. Flaky, a little strange, and less attractive than their photos seems to be a running theme.

14. I grew up in the town with the highest teen pregnancy rate in the entire country. No less than seven girls were pregnant at my high school at any given time. Less than five hundred people total went to my high school. Rebelling was not having sex. I was a rebel.

15. I've faked orgasms with all but three guys and the girl. Once, in the beginning of a relationship, I didn't fake it. We were smoking after sex and all he would talk about was getting me off. As soon as we went back to bed we were naked again, he was fingering me, he was hard, he was fucking me. I still had to fake it, but not lying was worth the extra effort. I should have learned from that.

16. I randomly called that guy the other night. And we had some of the best sex of my life. Didn't fake it. Lots of orgasming. And the most intense orgasm I've ever had with someone else. Ever. We haven't spoken since.

17. In the last year, I've dated roughly one person per month. For awhile, I was moving from "relationship" to "relationship" so quickly that my roommate thought I may have lost my mind. And so did I. I realized recently that I was preventing myself from feeling the pain by jumping directly into bed with someone else. It kind of bit me in the ass when guy number three in a string of three back-to-back situations (not even a day between them) dumped me for another girl. I didn't even care about him, but it was the first time I let myself cry about any of it.

18. I'm a very affectionate person naturally. Perhaps it's from growing up in the South, but I'm more inclined to believe it's because I'm a Scorpio. I often touch people more than normal, I definitely look directly into eyes with such intensity that it makes them look away all the time, and I kiss friends. Sometimes, on the lips. I really don't think of any of this as sexual. But I understand how it could be confusing.

19. Even though I lost my virginity relatively late in life, I've always been a very sexual person. A person people described as "sexy" even when I wasn't interested in anything related to the s, e, or x.

20. My lips turn an astounding shade of red when I have an orgasm. If the boys who I fake it with ever find this out, I'm in trouble. As far as I can tell, it's the only way of telling if I actually came or if I was tired of letting them try.

21. I've had unprotected sex with three people. I was adamant about condoms until a sloppily drunken night with a guy I was dating at the time. We'd used condoms to that point (to his horror). About three thrusts into the unprotected fiasco, he asked if he should get a condom. I responded that it was too late. I had to go back to some friends and apologize for my inability to believe that condoms felt that much different.

22. It's a huge turn off to me if a guy doesn't ask about diseases or protection before sex. I've had several instances of guys who were just going to stick it in without thinking about it. I always stop them before to ask if they're clean. A friend told me he thought it was the idea that asking that type of question could ruin the moment, and guys who are about to land some pussy aren't willing to sacrifice that. Even if it means lifetime repercussions.

23. I dated a guy with a pierced penis (frenum). It was weird at first. But I grew accustomed to it to the point that I missed it when we broke up even though it limited the positions we could have sex in because of pain. The next guy I dated had a pierced lip, so I didn't think it too far fetched that he might have a genital piercing too. But no luck.

24. Other than penis piercings, I really couldn't care less about that stuff. If your nipples are pieced, so what? Balls? What does that do for me? None of it matters. As long as you're happy, I'm happy. I think this attitude is what attracts people to me. I also think it's why I felt (and still feel) such comfort in the LGBT community for so long.

25. I'm curvy. I'm not fat, but I have a shapely figure. I love it. I love looking so womanly. I'm attracted to androgyny sometimes, but I can't escape my own gender and it makes me happy. I'm a womanly woman with breasts and hips and full lips and long legs. And I couldn't be prouder.
1. I came out as a lesbian to my mother when I was 13. I had a crush on a girl in my class and I didn't know how I really felt about it. I grew up in a Catholic household, and she just laughed at me. I cried and told her I liked girls. She responded by not taking me seriously at all. Seven years later, I am still confused about my sexuality.

2. That being said, I am a practicing heterosexual. I have slept with 10 men and am currently dating a man.

3. My current boyfriend knows that I don't have my sexuality pegged down, and he still loves me. I am really grateful about that.

4. I am an androgynous woman. I am letting my hair grow out mostly because I can't afford a haircut, but I love looking slightly ambiguous. Gender cues are overrated. (Although I do enjoy wearing a dress every now and then).

5. Porn rarely turns me on. I hate the forced quality of it. I love erotica though, especially really dirty incest/orgy erotica.

6. My brother and I used to play doctor with each other. I eventually told my parents about it, but they never reprimanded us for it. About the time when I came out as a lesbian to my mother, it horrified me. Now it barely fazes me at all.

7. I get really, really intense crushes on girls. I love beautiful faces, high cheekbones. Height and weight is unimportant. The last girl I had a crush on was a voluptuous, gorgeous Polynesian woman. Ugh, just thinking about her is sexy.

8. I bought my first vibrator a few months ago, and have succeeded in giving myself multiple orgasms. Some may think that this would ruin my sex life with my boyfriend, but it has taught me the details of what exactly I want done, and therefore I can please myself through communication during sex.

9. When I was around 11-14, I would get orgasms during my sleep. I would wake up not knowing what had happened and feel dirty. I would pray for it to stop. Sad, right?

10. I would do ANYTHING to get those wet dreams back.

11. I must dominate in bed. I can't handle being told what to do, sexually or otherwise. I am always in control. Many men have found this trait sexy.

12. I once took an interview for a job as a dominatrix. I am still interested in BDSM.

13. I fantasize about women and have really detailed dreams about being a hermaphrodite. I feel like my sexuality is more hermaphroditic--partially a woman, partially a man--in attractions to other genders, as well as attitude and presentation.

14. I would LOVE to fuck someone with a strap-on. Love it.

15. The idea of bringing food into bed grosses me out beyond belief.

16. However, the idea of play piercing is incredibly, incredibly sexy.

17. I would love to have my first sexual encounter with a woman with my boyfriend present. I sincerely love him and would want him to gain pleasure from the experience as well.

18. Until very recently, I have been guarded and uneasy of my sexuality. I am more open to exploration now.

19. I think hermaphrodites are sexy, as well as FTM and MTF transgender people. I would love to have a sexual experience with someone of any of these persuasions.

20. I love my back being touched during sex, or my belly. These are very erogenous zones for me, as well as the inside of my thighs.

21. I LOVE being spanked, no matter how much I dominate. I love sex doggy-style and being spanked.

22. When I first bought my vibrator I was staying at a friend's house for the night. I made myself come 4 times with it and I think I gushed a little. I had to clean the couch before they woke up. It was amazing.

23. The best sex I've ever had was with my current boyfriend. He is the first person I've ever been with who can make me come multiple times from sex. We are very silly with each other and bring our sense of humor into bed with us. I love it.

24. I can deep throat and I don't mind giving head at all. I think I'm pretty damn good at it. I love to 69, too.

25. My sexuality is constantly changing and evolving. Some days I feel more attracted to women, some days to men. It depends on the individual rather then their genitalia, in my opinion.
1. I ‘m a 56 year old man who lost his virginity when he was 19-20 years old.

2. I was raised in a strict Christian home which parent who never spoke of sex. I often think I’m still carrying that burden around with me--I have a high guilt factor.

3. When I was 9 or 10, a cousin and I use to play around when we’d spend nights with each other. We’d get nude and touch each others penis and a couple of times tried oral on each other. It never ended in climax but felt great. I think I was more into it then he was.

4. I began masturbating in ernest when I was 12 and clearly remember my first real ejaculation when I was 13--it made me feel like a man.

5. In my teens I was very shy and hardly ever dated. There were a number of girls in high school I had a crush on but was too shy to let them know.

6. There was a period in my early twenties when I’d go to local massage parlors and have sex. One time I took a shower with the masseuse, an older woman, and she climaxed while we fondled each other. Afterwards she rode me cowgirl style on the massage table to another climax for her and one for me. I left feeling like she should have paid me. This period of paid sex help me get over my shyness around women.

7. I’m a physically large guy and I always seem to attract sexually submissive women. The truth is I like a women to take total control sometimes.

8. I love giving oral sex to women and will happily spend an evening bringing a women to multiple climaxes with my tongue and lips. I love the taste, the feel and the how it makes me feel to have a women grap my hair and forcibly grind herself on my face as she climaxes. This is probably part of my submissive side.

9. I like porn but find erotic literature more exciting.

10. I’ve had a number of loves in my life but have usually fallen harder for them then they did for me. For a long time it was hard for me to separate the sex from emotion in many cases. This usually resulted in my heart being broken.

11. I’m of average endowment and while I’d like to be bigger there are advantages to not being too large. I’ve had the pleasure of introducing five women to the pleasures of their first anal sex. If I’d been “hung” this probably wouldn’t have happened.

12. I can still get a nice firm natural erection but I enjoy using one of the ED drugs for that rock hard feeling. These drugs also seem to make it harder to climax so I can go for a long time.

13. As I get older I’m also getting kinkier in my fantasies and sexual turn-ons.

14. I use to not like my nipples played with during sex. Now I can’t get enough of it--pinch, lick, suck and bite--a little pain, a lot of pleasure. How did that change?

15. I like being tied. I like it when it gets rough so I feel out of control and apprehensive.

16. I also like enjoy tying my partner up and taking total control (always with a safe word.) I love making her crazy with desire, bringing her to the edge of climax and then ramming my self into her roughly until we’re both physically exhausted and totally satisfied.

17. Sometimes when my wife is giving oral sex she’ll ease a finger or two up my arse which usually makes me climax quickly. I wonder what a penis there would feel like?

18. I now believe that to a certain degree we’re all bisexual. I certainly didn’t believe this when I was younger. Men are usually not comfortable talking about this.

19. Several years ago, when single, I met a bisexual couple through an online ad. He gave me head and made me cum in his mouth. I gave him a hand job. He had a small (3 inches hard) penis that did nothing for me and his wife just wanted to watch. I felt so weird afterwards I left and never communicated with them. I’d like to try the experience again with a couple that appeals more to me.

20. I enjoy going down on my wife after having cum in her. I think my cum is sweet tasting and she agrees. Sometimes I’ll taste my cum when I masturbate.

21. I’d like to making a guy cum in my mouth. I don’t know if I’d have the nerve to do it but the thought turns me on.

22. I’m now married but still masturbate five to seven times a week. My wife doesn’t know the extent of my masturbation. Her sexual needs aren’t as high as mine.

23. Sex with a sense of humor is best. The best sex has always been with someone I’ve also shared laughs with.

24. With time and experience I’ve defined the female body features I seem attracted to most: Women who are slim with small breast and small diameter areola; nipples that grow long when excited; proportional hips; meaty labia; an obvious clitoris; and shapely but slim legs. Pierced nipples and labia or clitoris piercings are also a turn-on. And no, I’ve never had a women who’s had them all.

25. The more I find out about myself sexually the more questions I seem to have.
1. Some of my earliest memories involve sex. I remember, when I was two, my father was watching pornography while I was around and must have thought I was too young to remember. A woman on the flick was performing fellatio on two men. I have a separate memory of trying to touch my father’s penis while he was teaching me to pee standing (he smacked my hand away)… I guess my interest in the male anatomy blossomed early on.

2. Likely as a result of modeling (see #1) I experimented with two other boys in preschool/kindergarten. I would routinely perform fellatio on them. These experiences were mutually enjoyable and went on for some time. The day care that I attended found out about this and I was sent to counseling. They tried to teach me shame about my budding sexuality. It didn’t work. One of those boys was my first crush ever. He gave me a valentine’s day present when I was four that I still have and treasure.

3. When I was nine/ten my neighbor – the father of my friend – who was watching me while my mother was at church would get naked and encourage me to touch his penis. My first images of men in cut-off denims come from this man. I was always, always well aware of what was going on and how the events would be viewed by others. I put off telling my mother about them because I was curious and interested in the sexual contact – hormones active or not. I was once encouraged to get in the shower with him and then into bed… I was nervous about it but not against it. I regret not doing it. I also learned about pre-cum from this man. When the events eventually went to court – I told because I knew I was “supposed to” – a part of me felt bad for this man. A part of me did not forgive him for doing this with other children whom I knew did not fully understand what was happening.

4. When I was in sixth grade I finally put two and two together and slapped “gay” on myself. It was one of the most freeing experiences of my life. I was eleven though I had always known without the language to back it.

5. I discovered pornography when I was in sixth grade by typing “gay” into a search engine while looking for information about who I was. I found gay porn instead and am still enjoying trying to quench my desire for erotic stimulation.

6. All my early and a majority of my current sexual experiences are negotiated over the internet. I grew up in a very rural area and the only, only access I had to other queer folk was online. My sexuality has formed through this medium and I oscillate between being empowered by and feeling atrophied in having skills of engaging in sexuality off the internet.

7. What I consider my first adult sexual experience was when I was thirteen. He was twenty-four. He paid me $80 for my time. I have always remembered being perplexed by the stigmas surrounding sex work. I felt elated and would many years later rekindle this energy (see #16).

8. Virginity was never a thing I cared about. I was waiting to find someone who knew what they were doing and could guide me through the process. I found a very attractive guy who was twenty-two when I was sixteen. When we were having sex (first time in the shower) he said “are you sure you haven’t done this before?” I am half proud and half annoyed by that statement. It made me feel like I had some competency during sex. What I was working very hard to suppress was the intense pain of my first penetration. Once I finished I held the sentiment of “good, that’s over with.”

9. I really only like being penetrated in bed. All other acts are secondary to this – except kissing. I am very erotic/sensual and incredibly sensitive to touch but I really just want to get fucked. I would rather masturbate for an hour by myself then jerk off with someone for one minute. Put it in my ass!

10. I know that I kiss well. I know that I give amazing head. I am proud that I have a talented mouth and am often reaffirmed of this. Oh yeah, and I can deep-throat like a Hoover.

11. I have always been sexually adventurous and very, very open with my sexuality. I have never understood when people are uncomfortable with or ashamed of their sexuality. I take pride in helping people I care about grow into/beyond their sexuality.

12. I identify as queer. This was an evolution. In college I went through a period of shock/denial when I first was attracted to a woman. I was actually ashamed of it because our culture carves out very safe roles for “gay” men and “straight” women. I was scared that my female friends with whom I feel very akin to and comfortable with would reject me. I got over it and have embraced evolution of my sexuality/sensuality. I have always been very, very attracted to trans men.

13. I have had a lot of sex with a lot of people. My count is relatively high and I have no idea what it is. I recently had the “how many have you” conversation and realized that my number – well over a hundred (I’m twenty-three) is not typical of many people my age. I like that I have been confident in my sexuality. I worry that my emotionality has been neglected though.

14. I liked my ex-partner very much but the sex was awful. He would not last more than thirty seconds before he would cum. I always felt that I was racing to finish before/with him. I have not had many long-term sexual partners or relationships so I stuck with it. I should have listened to my friends who were shocked that I would remain in a sexually unfulfilling relationship.

15. I hate that I’m a size queen – but it’s true. Size does matter – for me at least.

16. While in college I was behind on rent one month and in desperation put an ad out to do sex work (prostitution). I earned a whole month’s rent in two days. I realized that I was so wired to do this work. The feeling of elation I got after a job still stays with me today. I have not worked a square (mainstream) job in over a year. I have paid my tuition, rent, trips, food, etc – all of it – with sex work. I love my job. Ups and downs like any field… but I can’t see myself doing anything else for a good while (see # 7).

17. Through my line of work (see #16) I have come to reaffirm my understanding that most people are desperately, potently seeing love/affection. Sex may be the vehicle for this but most of my clients are looking for love/affection. It is a powerful position to be providing this for other human beings. My work fills this need for me often. Sometimes, I think I’m “winning” to be getting paid to have sex, meet great (mostly) people, and be affectionate with many other human beings.

18. I hate having sex when I’m tired. I used to just blow my ex-partner when he was horny and I was tired to get him off of me. I am almost always aroused in the morning.

19. When people perform fellatio on my penis I’m not that into it. I think this is related to my loose attachment to my (trans)gender identity. I identify adamantly as genderqueer.

20. I have very powerful erogenous zones – simple areas that respond to touch. There are spots on my body that if stimulated will override everything in my psyche. My body will buck, I will contort, all arrays of sounds come out of me, and I am unable to think of anything but the ecstasy of what is happening. I would rather have this than any other kind of foreplay. People who have bothered to explore these parts of myself have awed me with the generosity and beauty of what my body is capable of. I am sad to say too few have done so.

21. I don’t know what I think/feel about mono/polyamory. I suspect that I will settle on a polyamorous view of how I want a relationship. I’m still not sure. I’ve been lied to and that makes me cautious.

22. I want children. Through my sex work, my promiscuous nature, my free and often unattached sexuality I am always wanting children. I want to raise my children to embrace their sexuality/sensuality in a healthy and full manner. I do not like that our culture does not make room for prepubescent sexuality (see # 2).

23. I want to be topped by a woman with a strap-on.

24. Empathy is one of my strongest skills and gifts. So is my sexuality. I, like many queer folk, came into dating later then many of my peers and have only had one serious relationship (I’m twenty-three.) I worry that I will end up a very sexually expressed, sexually bored old queer man with no one to love but many to fuck. This is very scary for me.

25. Being a prostitute – and good at what I do – I am very good at picking up on what people are looking for sexually and have done a great deal. That being said I know there are fields and fields of sexual experiences out there for me to explore – and I look forward to it. I am quite actively looking for people to show me the way.

Monday, October 5, 2009

1. When my sister and I were growing up, we always secretly assumed my father was gay. Circumstantial evidence amounted to the following: He and my mother divorced early on in their marriage, he worked for Conair (a company that designs and manufactures hair products/appliances), he married/dated characteristically strong-willed, independent, socially “masculine” women, he got facials, massages and manicures on a regular basis, had a keen eye for quality and design, and had mostly gay male friends. We also frequently vacationed in Rehoboth Beach post-divorce (hello?!). However, as my sister and I aged, we disgruntledly accepted my father’s heterosexuality, and came to admire and appreciate our father, who was the very model of “live and let live.” It is because of him that all of my first memories of LGBT people are positive ones, and why I never saw being LGBT-identified as anything out of the ordinary.

2. Despite having virtually no memories before the age of 7 or 8, I vividly recall being aware of myself as a sexual being at a very young age. Even so, I had very few questions, and those whose answers I couldn’t intuit through observation I actively sought information about through other means (magazines, the internet, the books of erotica shoved haphazardly under my mother’s bed, etc.). As proved true through my adolescent life, I became something of a sexual sage for my friends, even before I lacked the hands-on experience.

3. My earliest crushes on boys proved to be all-consuming affairs. I was an awkward child, slightly overweight with a deep throaty voice and an affinity for baggy jeans and vests, so very rarely were any of my attractions returned. My best friend was a voluptuous Colombian beauty, and if it weren’t for her heart of gold I would’ve distanced myself from her early on; my jealousy, too, was often all-consuming (as a side note, that girl and I are coming up on our fifteenth year of solid friendship).

4. When I hit the eighth grade my body composition changed, as did my eye for fashion, and I found a new confidence. It was around this time that those around me began coming out to me as gay/lesbian-identified. It was also the time that I began a 6-year-long affair with one of those confidants, a gay-identified male whose undeniable attraction to me he couldn’t begin to articulate.

5. I am a firm believer that your sexual orientation/gender identity is a direct result of a combination of genetics and environmental influences. That being said, I am certain that since my earliest sexual experiences were with queer men, such as the one identified in #4, it provoked a lifetime of attraction to pretty, emotive, styled men (who have been, more often than not, queer-identified).

6. I was first shown porn in the eighth grade by a gay male friend; the internet clip depicted a very attractive young man jerking off of a stone balcony. Much of the porn I sought thereafter was male-on-male, though I soon found that I could be turned on by virtually any combination of genders, and I would often fantasize about being the center of group attention, whether it was a group of men, women, or mixed.

7. While porn certainly turned me on (and continues to), I’m much more of a literary mind than a visual one, and reading erotica turned into one of my favorite pastimes. I would often swipe my mother’s stash (see #2) while she was at work, lock my bedroom door and have at it. I’m extremely fond of my vibrant and detailed imagination.

8. My mother’s aforementioned stash didn’t stop at erotica; in high school my sister and I stumbled upon a large cache of sex toys in her closet. While my sister displayed genuine disgust, I faked mine, and later stole my mother’s vibrator, sanitizing it before using it for my own devices. My mother and I were on rocky ground throughout my adolescence, and one of our more violent altercations occurred after she discovered the vibrator in my room.

9. It was with the vibrator that I discovered that I have virtually no sensation inside my vagina; fortunately, the case with my clit was a different story. Even so, I didn’t orgasm until I was 20 years old, though not for lack of trying. I’ve faked orgasms (Oscar performance-worthy, I must say) through four different boyfriends and a few one-night stands, and even penned a 30-page dissertation on pre-orgasmic women my sophomore year of college, drawing majorly from personal experience.

10. I am extremely loud in bed, and sometimes am embarrassed by my inability to shut the fuck up.

11. When I’m masturbating, sometimes I’ll talk dirty to myself out loud, and 9 times out of 10 it’ll make me come. However I find it difficult to talk dirty to a sexual partner, no matter how much I want to, and I can’t figure out if it’s because I’m more submissive in bed than I’ll readily admit or because I’m too self-conscious.

12. Though I identified as heterosexual until two years ago (I’m now 21), I’ve always felt at home in the queer community, and used to wish desperately throughout my adolescence for a higher power to zap me with same-sex-loving tendencies (so maybe there is a God, after all!).

13. I’ve never had anyone try and put food on me erotically (ice doesn’t count), and I’m not sure how I’d feel about it, though I’m generally very open to safe and consensual experimentation.

14. Even though I advocate safe sex in my daily life and have written papers as well as taught workshops on it, there was a month-long period of time where I had unprotected sex with a guy who had never ejaculated (not even pre-cum), with no negative repercussions. I feel a lot less guilty about it than I reason I should.

15. I was very recently introduced to slapping (full-face) as something erotic, and I must say that I enjoy being the “slapper” more than I’d previously anticipated. Sometimes, as a student of psychology, I wonder if this says anything less-than-upstanding about me.

16. Having my feet sucked feels so unbelievably good, but I can’t get over how unhygienic it must be (unless you’re fresh out of the shower)!

17. I enjoy nipple play immensely – having them sucked, tweaked, pinched, rolled around, clamped, soft, hard, slow, fast, any which way! If someone has their mouth on my nipples and makes eye contact with me, it’s often intense enough to drive me crazy.

18. My favorite sexual position, hands down, is from behind. What I can feel but not directly see never fails to turn me on. During the most spectacular sex of my life, the person took their time seducing me completely from behind: massaging, kissing, scratching, etc, and it made all the difference.

19. I had a year-and-a-half relationship (my longest to date) with a Methodist youth minister while I was finishing up high school. We were deeply in love, and after months of torment made the decision to begin sleeping with each other, a decision that continuously tore at his faith and his opinion of himself, as well as strained relations with his family and friends; this strain, in the end, proved impossible to ignore, and succeeded in ending the relationship. Even though I’m agnostic, I used to silently attribute all that time spent not being able to orgasm (see #9) to being a kind of punishment from God for putting the burden of temptation on my ex.

20. My first sexual experience with a woman was about a year ago, during a month spent in San Francisco studying human sexuality. I’d be lying if I said I that I wasn’t interested in experimenting with women primarily for the novelty of it, but I’d also be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy it, cliché locale (Frisco? C’mon) as it was. I find myself primarily attracted to slim, small-breasted androgynous women; women who look like pretty boys, in essence (sound familiar?). Androgyny in general has become such an unexpected turn-on for me. Even trans boys have begun to attract my attentions within the past year, and I welcome the complexity.

21. I hesitate to self-identify as anything in particular (except as cisgendered; I have a dominant personality but I’m very much a high femme), but when pressed I will identify as “queer,” because I feel as though it’s the label with the least strings attached to it, and the least amount of assumptions made about it. It’s an umbrella term coated in shades of grey, and that way when I wake up 6 months from now finding myself suddenly attracted to turkeys (as I’m fully expecting to do!), I won’t have to keep swapping my identifier. On a more serious note, I’ve always felt that the best parts of myself shine the brightest when I’m surrounded by a variety of members of the LGBT community, and being “queer” seems to appropriately reflect that.

22. I really enjoy anal sex. Not fingers so much; it’s a matter of depth for me (SLOWLY. With, of course, a LOT of lube! Hah). Being open about this has literally garnered more critique/skepticism/surprise from people than recently embarking on my first relationship with a woman has.

23. In 3-4 years I’ve had a mere handful of sexual experiences that have contained an element of emotional intimacy as well as physical chemistry; in short, I’ve had a lot of flings. So much so that I’d forgotten how awe-inspiring sex can be with someone with whom you’ve made a tangible connection. My girlfriend is doing an excellent job at refreshing my memory.

24. Laughter in bed is key, and a lack of it has proven to be a dealbreaker more than once. Whoever said sex always had to be a tense, grave affair full of unspoken desires and unwavering eye contact just needed a good tickle below the belt.

25. Being in the human sexuality field and oftentimes unconsciously radiating erotic energy, it is assumed by most that I have (and require) the sexual appetite of a rabbit; this is incorrect. In my opinion, you can’t possibly define “intimacy” – it’s way too broad a term, and is too frequently simply attributed to procreation. When my girlfriend meets my gaze in a crowded room, it’s intimate. When she gets excited by something trivial, and turns to me alone for affirmation in her excitement, it’s intimate. When she selflessly offers to help my coworker (whom she’s never met before) move out of her house, and I can so easily read between her words, intuiting the message that states, “If this is important to you, it’s important to me,” it’s intimate. In my opinion, all these things trump sex.

1. My first kiss was with my lifelong best friend. We've messed around since, but I'm not attracted to him at all.

2. I'm a 22 year old bisexual girl. Yes, I'm truly bisexual. I'm tired of people assuming I'm gay and in denial, or just want attention.

3. My girlfriend of 6 years and I role play almost constantly. Usually we pretend to be gay men. We act out sex as if we were these characters. The characters have complex story lines, some of which we've written out, and there are hundreds of them. It's about escapism as much as sex.

4. I've led on guys, by accident, and then rejected them and really hurt them in the process, and usually not realized it for years.

5. I hooked up once with this guy who lived in my apartment complex. He came to my door, drunk, and asked if I wanted to hang out. I got drunk and gave him my first blowjob. It just really hurt my jaw. I never saw him again.

6. Despite really loving my girlfriend, I want to find a guy to marry and have kids with. I worry that no guy will ever live up to the fictional characters we've invented and fallen in love with.

7. I want a guy who looks like a girl. I'm more into androgyny than anything.

8. I read a lot of slash fan fiction. As in, stories about characters from books and video games having gay sex.

9. I would love to be with a transsexual, MTF or FTM.

10. When I was 17 I was molested several times by my martial arts master. He hired me as an assistant, then one time a few months later he pulled me into the back room. He did everything short of rape. I never reported him, mostly because I didn't want to have to talk about it with my mother.

11. Technically, I'm a virgin. I've never gone all the way with a guy. I look forward to it though. A lot.

12. One time, a guy that I kinda led on was touching me under a blanket while our best friends (including the guy from #1) were in the room. I didn't really like it, but couldn't make a scene to make him stop.

13. I wish I had a penis. Like, I don't consider myself trans, and I wouldn't get a sex change. I am actually pretty girly. I wear dresses sometimes, have long hair, etc. But I really really wish I had been born a guy. Then I could date gay guys.

14. I masturbate almost every night, usually for about an hour, with an electric toothbrush.

15. I've only ever been able to get myself off. No one else has ever given me an orgasm.

16. I had a foursome once. It was three girls, one guy. I mentioned #15 to one of them, and she insisted that she, her girlfriend, and her boyfriend (wish I was in her shoes) could get me off. It was excellent, but I didn't orgasm.

17. I love my boobs. They're a small C, perky, and perfect.

18. My first kiss with a girl was in the girls' bathroom in high school, in 10th grade. I had my first oral with a girl in that same bathroom.

19. My mother recently found out I'm bi. She just takes this as I'm gay, and says things like, "Guess I'll never get grandchildren." I really wish she would understand.

20. I don't like my crotch. There's too much hair and too much skin.

21. I have a first cousin who's two years older than me. I think he's beautiful and sexy and interesting and I really wish he weren't my cousin so I could have a chance at him.

22. I'm turned on almost all of the time. Some days I have to change my panties halfway through.

23. Though I've been molested and taken advantage of several times, by more than one guy, I still am turned on by someone pretending to rape me. It almost bothers me, that I'm still turned on by it. I mean, when it's happening, it's terrible and scary and gross. But in fantasy, it's so much fun. I like to be tied up and slapped around.

24. I doubt I'll ever by monogamous. I don't think humans are, biologically speaking, supposed to be. I've cheated on my girlfriend probably a dozen times, not including the times I told her about or the times she was there.

25. One time I watched my male friend have sex with his boyfriend. It was the hottest thing I've ever seen.
1. I believe I have slept with a total of six people, but the number could be more or less. I try not to keep count.

2. I had my first threesome a week and a half ago, with a man and a woman. It was incredibly sexy, but I was disappointed seeing as the other woman was very, very straight. She would hardly do anything with me.

3. I have no clue when I lost my virginity, but I do remember who it was with and that it was in my bed. We ate sandwiches afterwards.

4. I love the feeling of wax being poured over my body.

5. I love pouring wax on other people even more than I love it being poured on myself.

6. I masturbate all the time. Every chance I get, my hands are most likely down my pants.

7. The person I am currently with is the first person to ever help me reach orgasm. No one before him ever came close.

8. I can deep-throat -- and love every second of it.

9. Going down on girls that don't trim isn't in the least bit fun. I feel like I'm trying to find my way through a forest, and I always end up with pubic hair in my teeth.

10. I am always starving after sex. More than once, I've said to my partner, "Hey, go make me food. I'm gonna sleep; wake me up when the food's ready." Sometimes, that's actually worked.

11. Play piercing turns me on more than anything.

12. I would love to sleep with an androgynous man or woman.

13. My first kiss happened at summer theater camp the summer before seventh grade. We were all playing Spin the Bottle with a Sprite can in the lunch room.

14. I was watching Edward Scissorhands when I gave my first blowjob.

15. Recently, I tried making a list of everyone I've kissed. It didn't work too well.

16. If I'm in the mood, I can have an extremely dirty mouth.

17. I like men super skinny, while I prefer women to be a little curvy.

18. I enjoy watching porn immensely. Bukkake is probably my favorite.

19. I would love to pose nude for a photographer someday.

20. I have bite mark scars on my back from one very intense night.

21. Currently, my sheets are stained beyond belief. I should get a new set, but I love looking at the stains because they bring back wonderful memories.

22. I have never had anal, but I would like to try it some day with a partner I absolutely trust.

23. I love making the person I'm sleeping with squirm until they can't take it anymore, and they throw me down and pound me.

24. For years, I've had a rape fantasy that I've wanted to act out. No one has wanted to do it with me yet.

25. The best sex I've ever had happened at seven in the morning. The man I was with came to the sound of the train passing by my window. It was beautiful.
1. I've had thirty sexual partners, I'm 18 going on 19. I keep a list. Two I can't remember the name. The majority of those were in the past six-seven months. My pace has slowed a little bit, but it's not stopping anytime soon.

2. Two of those were women; one of those women was half of a married couple I had a threesome with.

3. I've pegged someone. It was one of the few sexual activities that made me outright laugh.

4. I gave my first blowjob when I was 15 going on 16, lost my virginity soon after turning 16 to the same guy. I thought of him as "friends with benefits", but I've come to realize I was never even really friends with him.

5. I am a size queen. Girth more than length, but yeah, I'm never impressed if it's less than seven inches.

6. I don't come from oral sex or being rubbed/fingered. I don't really mind this and count myself lucky, though, because unlike a lot of females, I CAN come during sex itself, which is absolutely incredible.

7. The roughest play I've ever been through included being slapped in the face, insulted until I was crying, hit with his belt, basically anal raped until I was sobbing and begging him to stop (and he was... large. he said "I'll stop after a minute. Count."), and choked while he fucked me. I'm still not sure how I feel about that day.

8. When it's not so rough (i.e. lubrication is used, a bit of preparation beforehand), I really really enjoy anal. Intense orgasms.

9. Breasts are beautiful, but I only like big ones. C and up please.

10. Giving oral to a woman is NOT a big deal, men are such babies about it.

11. I'm incredible at giving blowjobs. I can deep-throat. This honestly came simply out of practice.

12. I masturbate pretty frequently, just in an attempt to curb my constant cravings for sex. ...It doesn't work at all. It's fun though.

13. I really want to have a threesome with two men.

14. I like to be submissive. I can take charge of things if the guy won't, but I enjoy a "manly" man who really will take the lead, smack my ass, etc. etc. etc.

15. I swallow! But it's all up to the guy. Facials are cool too. Whatever he's into.

16. On that note... as much as I do like to come myself, I'm submissive to the point where all I care about is satisfying him. This is why kink is somewhat dangerous with me, I'll never be willing to use a safeword in my fervor to please him sexually.

17. My nipples have ZERO sensitivity. I can barely feel it if someone is sucking on them. Pinching/biting I can at least feel, but it's not the sort of pain that turns me on.

18. I actually enjoy being slapped in the face. I don't know why. I don't think it's sexual, it's just something I need. And being called names. Inner guilt, I guess.

19. The largest age difference between me and someone was about twenty-five years or so, with me at 18 and him at 40-something. He liked me to call him Daddy. It was hot.

20. I'm heavy. I'm so ashamed of it. But I'm so addicted to sex that the shame fades while I'm getting fucked... it always comes back, though. Recently someone raised my self-esteem by saying that sex with skinny girls was actually painful and miserable for him due to the bones, he loves my softness. It made me strangely happy.

21. I'm only 5' tall. I think that's a large contributing factor to why I enjoy the "Daddy"/submission thing, because the height men have over me helps me feel submissive. Though it is certainly not the only reason.

22. The side of my neck is unbelievably sensitive if you suck/nibble on it properly. It sends a lightning bolt straight to my clit. Barely anyone I've been with has bothered trying it or if they have, they've not gotten it right. This saddens me.

23. Most of my sex has been without foreplay. While I'm always moist enough, and I don't feel pain, this still disappoints me. Foreplay makes me feel cared for, and like I'm not just a toy.

24. I've considered escorting. I've had a first client lined up for months, me and him have just had trouble with scheduling. I think he'll be the only one, though. I just want to try it. I've also considered porn, but I'm even less confident about that.

25. I've never made love. I've never been in love.

1. I think that there were indications of my sexuality as early as first grade. I remember having a huge crush on one of the popular girls in my class. We weren’t really friends, so I was really excited when she came to my birthday party that year. I remember being in awe of how pretty she was.

2. When I was in fourth grade. I became friends with a girl that lived across the street. When she would spend the night at my house (which was like every other week), we would stay up in my room very late... She would always initiate the touching. She would have me rub her nipples and her clit while she showed me what felt good to her. I started masturbating when she wasn’t around with the knowledge she shared with me. I always looked forward to her visits.

3. Besides the girl mentioned in #3, my cousins (boy- 1 year younger than me; and his sister- 3 years younger) were my only real friends. I wanted to share with them what she showed me. I did so mainly with the girl. We got caught one day by my grandmother, after which I wasn’t allowed to see my cousins for a couple years. No one explained to us what we were doing or why it was wrong. This happened when I was 11-12 years old. A couple weeks ago, at the age of 20, my aunt left a voice mail calling me a child molester, accusing me of intentionally perpetrating molestation on her otherwise perfectly innocent daughter.

4. My first “real” kiss was in a car parked across from my parent’s house under a street light at 2am. It was with my best friend’s ex-boyfriend. We started making out, then he pulled his penis out of his jeans. I reluctantly started touching it and rubbing it. That was the last time I touched a penis. I was 13 years old.

5. I have never had sex with a man, nor have I ever desired to. I have never touched a penis to my mouth, although I have touched 2 different ones. I do not anticipate ever touching one again.

6. When I was living with my parents, mainly the later part of middle school and throughout high school, I masturbated every morning before I even got out of bed and every night before I fell asleep. It took the rush of endorphins to get me out of bed in the morning. Even more so, I needed to masturbate to quiet my head at night.

7. I had never heard the words “gay” or “lesbian” until my first year of high school (which happened to be an arts high school). Almost immediately, I developed an intense crush on one of the seniors at school. When I found out she was a lesbian and I learned what that meant, I slowly but surely began to piece together my sexuality.

8. I had a suspicion that I was a lesbian, but I called myself bi. I didn’t want to rule out guys. I even tried dating my closest guy friend – which lasted all of 2 weeks. By my senior year, I accepted my lesbian identity. Since then, I’ve used the word “queer” to describe my sexuality – to accommodate my attraction to both women and transgendered people.

9. I really don’t remember the first time I kissed a girl. I honestly can’t even remember who it was with. I just assume that it felt so natural to me that it wouldn’t even stick out in my memory.

10. While I was in high school, I would write everything in my journal – which contained heavy sexual content. I was always convinced that writing was a healthy means of expression. Later, when my parents found it, they told me I was sick and perverted to write those things. My mom showed it to therapists, social workers, and my aunts and uncles. Because I refused to take it back after it had been “spoiled,” I lost some of my favorite poems and essays. To this day, I find it extremely difficult to write.

11. It was actually my father that found the notebook first. He had and may still have porn and alcohol addictions. When he confronted me with the notebook after he read it, he told me that he wished that a particular story I had written was about him and me. I went to the guidance councilor at school the next day, who called social services. Before admitting his addiction problems, he said that he was just testing me because he suspected I was gay. I was 16 at the time. My father has since turned to Christianity. He hasn’t had a drink in 4 years, although he has been caught surfing porn websites.

12. I love all kinds of women. Since I started having sex when I was 16, I have slept with a total of 16 women. 11 were white, 3 were black, 1 was black & Cherokee, and 1 was black, white, and Japanese. In my estimation, they have ranged in size from 115lbs to 300lbs. Some were extremely feminine, some fairly androgynous, some very butch. I have slept with women up to 1 year younger than me and up to 13 years older than me. Only half of them made me orgasm, and to my knowledge I have returned that favor to about half. I have only been in relationships with 3 women.

13. I would consider myself to be a switch even though I am very dominant. I have to be very comfortable with a partner in order to let her top me. But even when I am on bottom, I still enjoy feeling in control. I attribute this to my dual-gender personality. Because I am a woman, I feel like I constantly have to defend the masculine part of my identity, which is why I tend to be more dominant.

14. No matter how good a woman is in bed, if she is a bad kisser I get completely turned off. That happened with one person in particular. As much as I wanted to help her and maybe teach her how to kiss better, I didn’t have the heart to tell her.

15. Sound is sexy... most of the time. I hate it when women pant like a squeak toy. The best sounds are long moans, heavy and quickening breaths, and screams. Swearing in bed is always sexy. Sometimes I feel like saying someone’s name is really cheesy, mainly because it sounds forced or planned. In order for saying someone’s name to be sexy, it needs to sound like it just slipped out...

16. I enjoy watching feminist porn. The Crash Pad series is by far the best. I love that they have a wide variety of models and that each scene has a feeling of authenticity. I would really love to be in a scene with that production company.

17. I worked in a sex toy shop for over a year. Needless to say, that experience opened my mind sexually. I let myself explore and experiment with different things including lingerie, light bondage, rubber whips, nipple clamps, vibrators, anal beads, stimulation gels, and varying styles of strap-ons.

18. Strap-on blowjobs are fucking amazing. When I watch a woman suck on the end of my cock, I really do feel it on my clit. Watching the way her lips form so softly, yet firmly around the circumference drives me insane. When I’m in a bottoming mood, I love returning the favor.

19. I have a slapping fetish. Not just a tap... I’m talking about a full force, full swing smack that rattles my bones and leaves a lingering red stain on my skin. I like being slapped anywhere, especially across my face to the point that it shakes my entire skull. If it’s done hard enough, one good slap is enough to send me over the edge. I’ve found that my recent partners have been afraid of this because they are scared to hurt me - but the pain from a hard smack is the perfect complement to the pleasure of an orgasm.

20. I discovered a year ago that I could ejaculate. The first time it happened, I freaked out because I thought I pissed all over my bed! After I researched it and realized that I didn’t in fact urinate, I worked on trying to recreate that feeling. Now after practicing, I know exactly how to make myself do it. I’ve taught 3 of the women I’ve slept with how to do it also. Once you get past the initial embarrassment and shock, female ejaculation is fucking mind blowing.

21. My ears and my neck drive me insane. If you kiss, lick, suck, or nibble on either of them for long enough, I might orgasm. I also love it when I get “battle wounds” on my back (aka scratches, scars, hickies, etc).

22. My best orgasms come from a combination of clitoral stimulation and penetration. Very rarely will I come from just one or the other; the exception being oral sex. Even after I come from oral though, I usually want the combination with penetration.

23. I love making my partner come several times in a row. Even when she tells me she’s had enough, I love pushing her past her limit – to the point where all I have to do is lightly blow air on her sensitive areas in order to send a jolt through her body...

24. Intimate connection is the most beautiful force in the entire world – whether it is through conversation, playing music, performing, or making love. Life is about savoring those moments where you can feel that otherwise intangible space between souls. I believe that is why I love sex so much.

25. In a world where there is so much pain, stress, and sadness, giving someone pleasure is the greatest satisfaction. Watching her move, listening to her breathe, and feeling her body shake as the result of the pleasure I have just given her feels so fucking great. I would equate the feeling to donating $1 million to a children’s charity, giving a year’s worth of groceries to a single mom, or telling a cancer patient they are in remission. Yes. It feels that fucking great. I wish I could make love to everyone.