Sunday, May 17, 2009

1. When I'm aroused it is much more mental than physical. I find myself unable to keep my hands off my boyfriend simply because I love him so much. Sometimes I don't really want to have sex. It's confusing to me and because of this I've asked him if he's okay with taking a break from sex for a while.

2. I watch porn whenever I get the chance. When I lived in a single dorm I would watch it almost every night. Some of my favorite things are hardcore BDSM and incest. I have no idea where incest came from because in real life it grosses me out.

3. I've never had an orgasm from anything other than a vibrator. This doesn't really bother me, but I would like to learn how to with my boyfriend.

4. When I was 4 I had surgery to remove a tumor that was growing on my pituitary gland. As a result of this, I have no pubic hair and had AA breasts until I got plastic surgery. Sometimes I wonder if this is why I can't orgasm easily, because I never technically went through puberty.

5. In high school I was in love with a boy who was disgusted by my body. He frequently made fun of my small breasts and referenced the tiny bit of weight on my frame as disgusting.

6. I've since gained 20 pounds and the man I'm with now has always thought I am beautiful. Even before my plastic surgery.

7. A father in my church used to be very friendly to all the younger girls. Once during a camping trip he took me into his trailer and we were all alone. I can only remember him washing and kissing my feet, and how uncomfortable I felt. I sometimes wonder if anything else ever happened and if I've blocked it out of memory. To this day I dislike people touching my feet.

8. I enjoy looking at naked women more than men. I find them incredibly sexy.

9. I lost my virginity to the boy in #5. I don't know if I was actually ready, but he talked me into it. It didn't hurt and I don't regret it, but it wasn't anything special.

10. We had sex seven more times. Twice outside. He wasn't a terribly considerate partner and the sex wasn't very good. I never took my shirt off.

11. The man I am with now is amazing in the sack. Every time gets better and better. We have discovered numerous positions and neither of us is afraid to take charge.

12. I love being on my stomach while he enters me from behind. I could stay in that position forever, but I worry about making him do all the work.

13. His dick is honestly the perfect size. Above average length and just the right width. I'm kind of in love with it.

14. I recently figured out how to deep throat him. We both enjoy it immensely. The only thing I don't like is how runny my nose and eyes get. Real sex is messy.

15. My biggest fantasy right now is to have him tie me up and roughly have sex with me. I'm not really sure how to ask for this yet.

16. My younger sister and I used to french kiss each other during a game we called "Prince and Princess." She still occasionally brings up this game, but I laugh it off. It makes me kind of embarrassed and a little ashamed.

17. I had my first real kiss on my 16th birthday. That actually seems like the perfect time to me.

18. My current boyfriend and I waited a whole year to have sex. I was constantly the one asking him why we were waiting.

19. I'm glad we waited.

20. I really want to make out with a girl. I love the idea of doing it as a sort of show (even though I would be enjoying it). I guess it's my voyeuristic side showing.

21. I'm fairly sure a few of my girl friends would make out with me. However, I'm not attracted to any of them.

22. If I was a man for a day I would love to have sex with a girl. I want to know what it feels like from a male perspective.

23. I would like to think that I'm fairly skilled and adaptive when it comes to sex. In reality I've only had one main partner. But if I had the chance I feel like I would wow people with my moves.

24. In spite of the emotional abuse my ex put me through, I really do love my body. Even my curves. I'm proud of what my body is capable of doing.

25. I sometimes wonder if my current man is the last one I will have sex with, and if I'm prepared for that.
1. I consider myself a slut, yet not-quite-that-bad at the same time. Lost my virginity two years ago today, and since then I've slept with 8 guys, performed oral on seven and and lost count on how many I've fooled around with.

2. I lost my virginity to the first boy I ever kissed. In fact he was my first everything and I had the "True Love Waits" mentality until I was sixteen. My first kiss was at fourteen, we progressed to outside of clothing groping at fifteen, moved onto oral at sixteen and had sex for the first time half a year later.

3. I hit my "naughty stage" after one of the boy mentioned in #2 and I's bigger break ups (we were together for 4.5 years but broke up many times during that span), mainly due to the girl I befriended during that time. She always subtly encouraged my promiscuity as well as getting me to smoke and drink (I was completely straightedge before that and horrified at the thought of trying anything), and since she acted that way herself, the lifestyle looked very appealing to me.

4. During that break up, I had sex with five other guys in the span of eight months. I got back together with #2 for six months, broke up and since then have had sex with two other guys and intend on getting with a third soon.

5. I have had two one night stands- both turned out to be slightly obsessive and one had stalker-like tendencies (showing up at my work every day for two weeks straight asking everyone if they had seen me) for a month afterwards. This has pretty much turned me off to the idea of sleeping with a person and never seeing them again, since it never seems to work out quite how I planned it...

6. I love having sex in "adventurous" places, but am usually too shy to suggest it unless drunk or in the presence of my bad influence girlfriend. The most interesting places I've done it in are in a tube at a kid's playground, a neighbor's abandoned house and on the beach about 100 feet away from a huge party. All of these were with the same guy who seems to be the only other mildly adventurous person I've slept with. I wish I could find someone who would suggest doing some crazy shit.

7. I used to think the only boy I ever loved was average size, but I've come to realize he is actually quite small. Still, the sex was beautiful every time.

8. I have only felt comfortable in my skin around half the boys I've slept with, and one was only because I was drunk. I'm learning to become more comfortable with the way I look naked, but I've been self conscious since I was a child due to my mother's and peers' constant jibing at my weight. I know I'm not fat but I also know I'm not extremely aesthetically pleasing - I just wish I could have the mentality to not particularly care because I'm sure it would enable me to open up and be more fun. I'm pretty sure I'm a boring lay because 75% of the time I'm freaking out in my head that I'm naked in front of someone.

9. I'm extremely good at emotionless sex, because according to the psych I saw once, I have a detachment disorder. I'd like to think it's just because I'm generally apathetic and wish more people would have that approach to sex. However, once I am attached it's very hard to break, hence my long on/off relationship. I've finally found someone I'm genuinely interested in for the first time in a long time and don't know how to approach it because I'm so used to that one long relationship and casual flings.

10. I have had to let a boy cry on my shoulder before because he couldn't get it up for us to have sex. I'm kind of relieved we never went all the way, because he had the smallest dick I've ever seen, and I wasn't really into him but was good enough friends with him that I felt he deserved a better first time than me. We are still friends to this day and he always teases me about my promiscuity, saying it must be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway. I have to bite my tongue from saying "Perhaps for you..."

11. My most current fuck buddy has the biggest cock of any guy I've slept with, and constantly complains I'm too tight. While I appreciate the compliment, I'm terrified he's stretched me out for anyone else and I'm not sure if that kegal exercise shit actually works.

12. As the guy in number 11 has discovered, I have never come during sex, mainly because if I feel myself getting close I tell them to stop. I'm afraid to trust anyone enough to be that vulnerable in front of them. I always joke to my friends that if I ever find a guy that can get me off I'll marry him... But I'm actually serious because it will mean that I trust him completely.

13. Condoms always make me sore for up to three days after. I'm so terrified of getting pregnant even though I'm on the pill, so I almost always use them. I often wonder if I'm allergic to latex down there.

14. I can get myself off in under a minute masturbating, then take another two hours to come again. I love doing this when I have the time although it causes my leg muscles to be sore for the next day. I've had a few guys masturbate but always refuse... I use an electric toothbrush and lay flat on my stomach so I can't imagine it would be very entertaining anyways.

15. On the other hand, I love watching boys masturbate and having them finish on my stomach and chest.

16. I've interrupted sex to answer a text message before, simply because it was more interesting. Said text contained bad news, so in my anger I threw my phone at the wall, missed and ended up nailing him in the ankle causing him to hobble for the next couple of days. He still asked if we could finish. This occasion was also the only time I have ever had sex with two people in the same day.

17. I have had sex with someone over a decade older than me, and it was definitely the best I've had. He also got me into being cummed all over and made me feel more comfortable with my body as well as being talked dirty to.

18. My sexual experiences have turned me completely off to Asians. Don't ask.

19. I feel that I'm horrible on top because I have absolutely no rhythm. My favorite is doggy style.

20. I often wish I was a male because I think it would erase my confidence issues, but I do enjoy the fact that females can get away with being lazy during sex occasionally. Although I'm convinced male-me would have a huge cock.

21. Out of the eight guys I've slept with, I wish I could take back all but three.

22. I was molested and raped by an ex-boyfriend. He spiked my drink on two different occasions, the first time I had to leave to help a friend study and ended up sleeping with him due to whatever was in my drink making me feel extremely horny and somewhat drunk. At the time I thought I had a contact high since the ex was smoking pot at his house, but realized what happened after the second time he spiked my drink. On another occasion when I was completely sober, he also literally ripped my clothes off while I screamed and cried for him to let me go and he just laughed, called me a pansy and forced himself on me. I had to drive home in a dirty bathing suit I found in my car, then hosed myself down outside my house before I went in, telling my mom I had been at the pool with a friend, and that all the bruises and scraped on my body were from slipping on the wet concrete. I also had to be tested for anemia and other blood diseases because of him due to his physical abuse and all the bruises that "mysteriously" showed up on my body. His favorite thing to do to me were hitting me with a metal baseball bat and dropping me on my head on hard objects such as a weight set and random 2x4 he kept in his room. I still have a couple of scars on my body from him and the blood tests, which remind me not to be so stupid. The message doesn't always get through to me, unfortunately.

Sex with him was always the worst even when it was consensual when we were dating - he would press his face in the pillow and not come up for air during the entire three minute escapade in which he would hump my leg like a rabid chihuahua.

This ex was the third guy I ever slept with, and aside from being physically abusive, he also repeatedly let me know I was uninteresting, fat, unattractive and only good for one thing - which I believed and somewhat still do. I believe he is partially the reason I became so promiscuous because I figured that if a guy will sleep with me I must be worth at least something. Deep down I know this isn't true but for some reason it keeps popping up in my head.

23. I would love to dress up and roleplay but I don't think I could keep a straight face. On the same note, I wish it were more acceptable to laugh and joke around during sex.

24. I wish boys would more more noise during sex or fooling around. Even though the only boy who did sounded somewhat similar to a howler monkey, I still thought it was totally hot.

25. I don't mind a guy coming in my mouth, but I can't physically swallow it without gagging or throwing up (which has definitely caused some awkward moments...) I wish I could, it would definitely make things easier and sexier.