Tuesday, June 16, 2009

1. I am 21 this year. 10 years ago, while surfing the net randomly, I discovered my first form of pornography. It was literotica, a sex story. It was a story of two sisters, one of which had her very first orgasm that night. I read it over and over again. My cheeks flushed, and I soon discovered what it was to 'get wet'.

2. Since that experience, I have masturbated. A lot. I learned a lot of things from that first brush of pornography, and soon moved up the ranks from softcore pictures, to hardcore videos. It was a inexperienced touch of myself, which then moved to inserting various objects in me (the fact that I was incredibly turned on by a pencil still amazes me to this day) and found that I most enjoyed a stream of water hitting my clit just right.

3. I wasn't very adept with orgasms. To clarify, when I felt like I was about to get there, I'd stop. I don't know why. There was always something that I couldn't overcome, I couldn't seem to get to that point. Might have been the printed pages of erotic stories I had in my hand while holding a shower head.

4. My first boyfriend and I started fooling around at 15. We spent afternoons doing nothing but discovering what exactly a penis does, and how exactly a pussy works. The first time I went down on him, I took the expression 'to suck cock' quite literally. He taught me most of what I know about blowjobs, and most of what I know about male ejaculations. But I never told him how to get me off, or what he needed to do, or where he needed to go. My job was to please him, and I asked for nothing more.

5. We broke up 6 months later, and we didn't have sex. He begged for it, and gave me all sorts of compromises. But I had that notion that sex was meant for the One. However, everything I felt when we fooled around - all the oral sex, the heavy petting - that was as close to 'making love' that I thought I'd ever get.

6. At 16, I lost my virginity to my second boyfriend. He was small, and I didn't love him like I did my first. I guided him in, and he came after 15 seconds. I couldn't feel much, and I wasn't sure if it was due to his small size, or my non-tightness considering I masturbated frequently. I was disappointed, and we tried again. We had 15 second blocks of sex about 3 times that night. I realised then and there that even though in all technicality I had lost my virginity, I would have rather had done it with my first boyfriend. I felt nothing but empty. Sex wasn't something I seemed to enjoy.

7. By 17, I had entered a new phase of sexual awakening, if you could call it that. My second boyfriend moved away, and I started a friends-with-benefits relationship with my first boyfriend. We fucked. Same rules applied, he knew what he was doing by now - after being with another girl - and so did I. But same rules applied, I never came, and I never requested him to do anything more than what he wanted for himself.

8. My body image was really destroyed by a man who is 8 years older than me. I was feeling horny one day, and called him up for sex. We have a prior relationship - when I was 12, he tried to fuck me, I only let him get as far as french kissing. We went to a seedy hotel in a seedy neighbourhood, and with 3 condoms in hand, we tried to fuck. He couldn't get it up. I wouldn't go down on him, not only because he was extremely hairy, but also I felt that it was my time to get what I wanted, instead of always giving in. He went down on me, and told me I tasted funny. He couldn't get it up, and told me that I wasn't hot enough for him, and that I didn't turn him on. We left right after, and we didn't have sex.

9. I have had sex with two virgins, my second boyfriend and a random guy. Random guy has the biggest dick I've ever seen, but he didn't know how to use it, and I was not patient enough to teach him, nor did I care enough to. I didn't want to have sex with him. I gave in, and he came in me. Despite all my sexual knowledge, I was not smart enough to get an emergency contraceptive. A friend of mine had an abortion a year ago from then, and I was secretly curious. I douched myself, and I didn't get pregnant.

10. I met the guy I've been seeing for the last year and a half two months after that incident. We started out as fuck buddies, and we fell in love. He has a girlfriend.

11. The sex was amazing. We fucked in the backseat of his car till my head was bumped and my knees were bruised. He was the only one who ever made me come, without prior instruction. He is the only one who always ensures that I come first, before he does.

12. Despite that, I still fake it sometimes. I don't come easily, and I don't want to disappoint him. I often feel like he's worked this hard, and he is this close - and all he's doing is waiting for me. So I fake it. I still can't shake off the fact that I always feel subservient, and that his needs (whoever 'he' is) come before me.

13. It is with him, that I first discovered what it was to truly make love. I love hearing him moan in my ear, knowing that I pleasure him so much. It really excites me when I hear him moan 'I love you' right before he comes - he never used to.

14. We've had anal sex twice. The first time we tried, it was orchestrated. Obviously, we planned beforehand. I arrived at his house with two bottles of lube in my bag, and he had a 12 pack of condoms. We made love as per normal, and then he went down on me. After which he asked if we should try. At that moment, I hated that it was so mechanical, and not at all natural like sex usually is with us. But I obliged.

15. It was painful. It was uncomfortable. But I got used to it. I felt like I was losing my virginity again, but it was everything it was supposed to be. I writhed in pleasure and in pain and somehow knew that he was there to catch me. He was afraid to go on, for fear of hurting me. We gave up, and made love normally. With my legs over my head, he slipped, and entered me anally. He didn't know. I stopped moaning, but he was coming. It didn't hurt all that much, but it wasn't particularly pleasant.

16. Despite that, I really like anal sex. We will most definitely try it again, but I don't want it to be a regular thing on the menu. I like the idea of it being a 'special' thing that happens on occasion.

17. We talk a lot about sex. Being in a long-distanced thing, cybersex and phone sex helps. I get really wet when I watch him play with himself. I fantasize at night of all the different ways we'd do it when we're together again. I watch too much porn, and he doesn't know.

18. After all the years with a broken body image, he has finally made me feel sexy. Despite being sexually active for the last 5 years, it was only in the last year that I have managed to have sex in broad daylight without feeling uncomfortable, although sometimes I still do.

19. I wish I had the ability to come easily. I don't know what it is that restricts me, maybe I just don't work that way. I have burned through boxes of triple A batteries with a vibrator that cost way too much - and still it takes me a while to get going.

20. Although once I get going, I get going.

21. I always wondered why no one questioned my libido. I'm very horny, and I'm very sexual. I've never needed to stop having sex - even after he's given up from being sore after 5 times.

22. I never really enjoy quickies, I like the knowledge that we have all night (or all day) to have sex. To do it this way, and that way. To explore, and to experiment.

23. I love kneeling down and giving blowjobs. I've only ever done it for one person, and he seems to love it too. I enjoy being subservient to the one person who would always ensure that I would come first, always. I love giving blowjobs in the car, while he's driving. There's that feeling of being kinky, that while on the highway with all these other cars zooming by, there's us, in that little world - trying to be normal, yet deviant at the same time.

24. I've fantasized about going down on girls. The furthest I've ever gone is making out with my best friend's girlfriend. She's straight - and I like to think I'm a wee bit crooked. We were drunk, it was a dare. Her lips were really soft.

25. My favourite love-making experience was with me on top, in a beanbag. He kept pulling me closer to him, and with his eyes half open with desire, he told me I was beautiful. I remind myself of that every time I doubt my body image, because I still do.
1. I'm a 34 year old black male and I've only had sexual experiences with two people.

2. The first sexual experience was a blowjob by a stripper at an after-hours club. My best friend at the time paid for it. I found out later from my best friend that I was supposed to apparently have sex with her, but I didn't even cum from the blowjob (I wasn't even able to maintain an erection), and I knew that I wouldn't have enjoyed having sex with her.

3. The second sexual experience was with a guy less than a year ago. I met him online, and after 2 months of chatting with him, we met up and spent a week together.

4. I still feel sorta guilty about that first and only (so far) sexual experience with that guy because he's physically handicapped.

5. I have had feelings that I was gay since I was 16, but I hid them behind my main interest because I thought being gay was the worst thing I could ever be.

6. I truly appreciate women, but I just don't find them sexually attractive enough to have sex with.

7. I value love with another person way more than I do sex with another person.

8. I fall in love too easily. I've been trying to change that about myself.

9. I'm heavily closeted to the rest of the world about my sexuality, although I'm out to my immediate family (well the 2 main members), and 2 of my friends that I knew before I officially accepted the fact that I'm gay.

10. The reason I'm closeted is because I don't want the stress of having to defend or protect myself from others who feel that gay is worth committing an act of violence against them. I also don't want my sexuality to define my personality.

11. The first time I really masturbated and came from it, I was 21. Up until then, I was scared by the stuff that people talked about in school, about how only losers masturbated, so I just didn't do it.

12. Ever since then, I have masturbated at least once a day, sometimes more.

13. The longest I've ever went without masturbating since starting was one week.

14. I want desperately to fall in love with the right man, and be all they intimately need.

15. I also feel like being the only man that another man intimately needs will mean that they will view me the same way.

16. I find belching to be sexually arousing.

17. Despite my size, I am attracted to thinner men. Not the ones who are necessarily in excellent shape, but just thinner than me.

18. Although I'm gay, I really don't like effeminate gay men. I can be friends with anyone, but having one for a mate would be difficult for me to deal with. My reasoning for this goes back to #10.

19. I consider myself to be a part of the chub/chaser community of gay men.

20. I never felt sexually attractive until I learned that there were others who were attracted to a body like mine. Part of the reason I denied being gay for so long was that I thought that no one would ever find me sexually attractive.

21. I have made videos of myself masturbating and posted them online in secret. I'm not really sure why I did it, but I didn't do it just to be seen since I think I'm very average as far as penis length goes.

22. Sometimes I wish my penis were an inch thicker, but I'm too afraid of having any type of surgery done for the fear that what I already have won't work properly after said surgery.

23. I don't necessarily care for anal sex, but I would do it for my partner to keep them happy.

24. More than anything, I love passion and intimacy with another man.

25. I think this whole experience of noting 25 things about my sexuality has been very liberating while allowing me to keep my anonymity.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

1) One of my earliest memories as a child is being at the video shop with my family and going into the tittie movie section and looking at all the beautiful naked women and feeling tingley at what I saw. I didn't know what it was, but I knew I liked what I saw and what I felt. If anyone came over and asked me what I was doing I'd act dumb and pretend I didn't know what I was looking at.

2) My first proper kiss, tongues and all, was with my best friend. She initiated it but I really liked it and reciprocated. From that point on (I think I was about 10) whenever she came over I'd try to find a way in the course of us playing to make it happen again. It did, sometimes.

3) I work for a company that produces erotica and find myself constantly massively aroused at my desk. Sometimes by 6pm my knickers are completely soaked through. I have snuck into the building we own next door to masturbate a few times, usually I can keep it under control until I get home.

4) Before working at this company I was a contributor to their sites. Yes, I'm naked on the internet and proud of it. I've done photographic stills, masturbation videos and I once filmed myself and my partner having sex which will go live eventually... I'm in magazines too. I have quite an in-depth philosophy about why I do this kind of work - it's not for the money, that's for sure. It's not something I'd want to ever do full time either. I enjoy it first and foremost, it's usually quite an amazing, interesting and often creative experience. With some of the more mainstream work I've done, I definitely feel as though I'm 'representin' for all the non blond, skinny and non fantastically-plastic looking women out there. I'm a size 14, short and brunette. But goddamn I have sex appeal, I know it and will use it for the greater good... or something.

5) The first time I ever had sex it wasn't really consensual... I was pretty drunk and young and stupid and at a party. It was a guy who I was interested in and I'd also been friends with for a few years. For the longest time I thought it was the way everyone first had sex. I was 15 and I'm now 24, it's only been over the past few years I can talk about it without experiencing intense and uncontrollable emotions. I've actually been able to talk to a handful of people I'm close to about it, even my mum knows now. I feel somewhat driven to get past this event in my life and to talk to people about it.

6) Masturbating cuts into my social time. It's easing a bit as I get older, but I am a chronic masturbator. Sometimes I'll come home early from a night out to make myself have an orgasm. Even when I'm having sex, great sex, regularly, I still wank all the time. Which leads me to my next point.

7) My sex drive outstrips every single guy/girl I have ever been with. I have emasculated every guy I have ever had regular sex with. I think about sex, breasts, pussies, cocks, fucking, kissing allllllll the time, I make up little fantasies in my head or recall the last time I orgasmed, had awesome sex and so on. I literally think about sex for probably half my day, everyday. Sometimes when I'm talking to someone I imagine what it would be like to fuck them, or I at least visualize them naked.

8) I spend a ridiculous amount of money on sex toys/aids, porno and various bits and pieces. For example I have 3 different kinds of lubricant. I could (and do) browse sex shops for hours on end, I like going into these shops but also like online ones. I have a whole drawer of this kind of thing and a magazine rack full of porno mags next to my toilet. My male housemates find this endlessly amusing.

9) My breasts are enormous. I am an F cup. And I love them. In fact I freely admit that I'm having a rather long, public and drawn out love affair with my rack. I really used to hate them too, like curl my shoulders forward and wear baggy clothes to hide them kind of thing. Now I'm like 'weeeeeeeeeeeee boobies' *bounce bounce* and I have also over the past year discovered the awesome power of what they will make other people do. Its hilarious. And kind of wrong. But still really funny... I love having my breasts and nipples touched and sucked and licked. When drunk I often flash people the aforementioned big boobs. This is also hilarious. Boobies make me smile a whole lot.

10) For some stupid reason I've faked a lot of orgasms during sex with men... I think it's because I want a lot of sex and I feel that the guys providing it want some sort of return on their effort. I've only ever had vaginal orgasms with my ex-bf. He had a long and thick cock that bent at the end and seemed to hit the spot, but only if I was on top. It would seem my g-spot is quite far inside my vagina. I despair of ever achieving that kind of orgasm ever again.

11) I have vagina envy. I have this tiny tiny little-girl vagina. My inner labia are virtually non-existant. My clitoral hood is so small that when I went to have it pierced my piercer wasn't sure it would be possible. I had it done vertically and it worked out okay thankfully. My outer lips keep the whole lot of what I have completely enclosed. I wish I had 'more' of anything, labia, hood, clit... I'd love to have big beautiful frilly inner labia especially. I still do enjoy what I have and I know my pussy is very pretty, my piercing definitely also adds to its attractiveness.

12) The last guy I slept with went crazy. Like actually lost the plot, had to get admitted to hospital and assessed. He is currently heavily medicated... He is/was my friend before we started shagging, but is still so fragile I don't want to push him at all. What we had is definitely over but I still want to make sure he's okay and be a good friend to him. It's been very very hard, especially the bit where I know what I feel about it all is chicken feed to what he's actually experiencing... I still see him, because we're in the same circle of friends and as much as I pretend it isn't, mostly for his sake, it's weird. I don't get weird or awkward ever. But this is weirder and awkwarder than anything I have ever experienced.

13) I have, what my housemates and friends have termed 'The Thirst' - basically I am cock thirsty and have to 'Obey my Thirst'... It's not only hilariously funny, it's also true. I kind of came up with it, choosing the trait about yourself that you get a laugh out of and turning it into the thing your friends give you shit about is a total winner. I also have a logo, it's a rooster drinking out of a can. Laf.

14) It's taken me almost a fortnight to write everything up to this point. It's made me think about my sexuality, sexual identity, current lack of sex and a whole bunch of other things in quite an in depth and constant way. I hereby vow to never fake another orgasm, it really bothers me that I've done this in the past.

15) I absolutely adore oral sex. Giving and receiving. Licking and sucking a cock (or a clit for that matter) makes me hot. I can literally feel myself getting wet when I'm giving oral sex. If my sexual partner is standing while I'm giving them oral I have a habit of reaching behind them and massaging their arse cheeks. I also love being eaten out. Unfortunately I've had many sexual partners that aren't so good at it or pretty lazy in the giving back department. I think the next person I'm with, I'm going to tell them straight up they need to give me loads of oral sex or it just isn't going to happen. Or perhaps I will wear a t-shirt that says "eat my pussy"

16) I hit puberty very very young. I had B cup breasts, pubic hair and was menstruating at the age of 11. I went to a tiny primary school and was in the 5th grade, already a year younger than everyone and still was the first in my year. I hated it. I shaved off my pubic hair with my dad's razor when I was 12, my mum found it and did not handle it well at all. I have vivid memories of taping down my breasts in my bra, I hated them too. Never understood why boys liked them so much. I was such a tomboy, quite young and so uneducated that puberty was such an ordeal. My child/children (I haven't had any children yet) will not go through that, I will give them all the talks, answer all the questions, give them books and website links so they can have the knowledge and thus power to understand and cope with their bodies and the changes they will undergo.

17) I have lost count of the amount of people I have had sex with. I think counting once you get past 30 people is kind of silly anyway. I'm 24. I do not think I'm a slut or promiscious. It makes me laugh when people say that. I am, however, an intelligent, highly sexual, assertive and not afraid to pounce. I know what I want, I'm not shy about getting it by any means. But I'm not a 'notches in my bedpost' king of gal. I'm just honest.

18) I've just begun to realize how much sleeping with my friends doesn't work. For the longest time it's been my preferred mode of getting sex. Seeings as I'm attracted to pretty much everyone I am friends with it seemed the logical step. Also everyone I've ever had a relationship with has started off as friendship.

19) So for the past fortnight I have been playing the adult dating site game. It's working out really well. The interest generated has truly thrown me though. In a way, a massive sexual ego-trip was exactly what I needed after my previous sexual partner went crazy. The sex I have gotten out of this site so far has been fucking awesome too. I don't know any of the people I have met, so my inhibitions have been reduced to zero. I'm asking to be spanked straight up, masturbating to orgasm in front of them, telling them I'm teaching myself to ejaculate and just letting go completely. It's amazing and I feel so free, I can be the honest pervert I aim to be in everyday life from the start. It's fun and the fact that I can't keep up with the messages I'm receiving makes me feel good, I remember this feeling of sexual confidence from long ago - I didn't realize I had lost it, but it's back and I'm loving it. There is also a number of couples with whom I have been speaking, there are two in particular that I think I'm going to sleep with. I haven't had a threesome for years now and I'm so excited to be getting back into some intense and challenging sexual scenarios.

20) I am about to start a blog regaling my adventures on the adult web dating scene. Everyone I talk to about it tells me, "you should be documenting this stuff"

21) For me, orgasms and sex are intrinsically tied up in my happiness. I'm a fairly happy and positive kind of person on an everyday basis, but if I'm getting laid fairly often and it's good it boosts me up to the next level. I am particularly devoted to getting orgasms because I know how much happier I am when I'm having them often. That's why I masturbate a lot, I love myself lots and lots and I deserve to feel good everyday. It's taken me all of my life to get to this point though, hopefully I continue to move onwards and upwards in this way. Personal growth, development and self love is the bomb.

22) I don't like to apply labels to anything really, but if I was going to categorise my sexual identity I'd say I'm bisexual. Although I have sex with men far more often than with women, mostly because the opportunity arises far more often with men. I love women so much, they're such beautiful and aesthetic creatures. I wish I was able to get it on with women a bit more frequently.

23) Over the past year I have discovered when I menstruate my orgasms are ferociously intense and last for way longer than usual. It is also a highly pleasurable way to combat my crippling period pain and the PMS symptoms I experience. I am now in turn very open to the idea of having lots of sex while I have my period, when the idea of this used to really freak me out.

24) I think my personality is very sexy. I am a brash, bold, mouthy, funny, smart, opinionated and at times highly crass young women who does everything in her power to not only abandon the expectations society has placed upon her, but show others the way forward into personal empowerment by choosing my own path in life. I feel that I demonstrate with every inch of my being the freedom and happiness that comes from defining your own ideas about the person you want to be and the awesome joy that comes from achieving it. I know my heart and my mind is fucking hot, I totally work it and love every moment of it - one of the best bits about it is knowing everyone else in my life loves it too.

25) The 25 things about my sexuality blog has become an important marker for me in reflecting upon my sexuality and in a more general way my sense of self. I think looking back and assessing your progress as a human being is an important part of learning and growing. I never want to stop having sexual adventures and realisations. But most of all I never want to stop talking and sharing on the topic of sex/sexuality/orgasms etc. etc. This is such a huge part of the person I am, I want to keep gathering knowledge, developing and moving forward, challenging myself and others in this area. Kudos guys, you fucking rock.
1. I’m almost fifty. My body has changed greatly in its sexual responses over the past few years, and now I’m willing to do and have done to me things I would have never allowed before.
2. I think my sex drive used to be visceral and hormonally driven. Now it’s not, and I feel like I respond as much mentally as physically.
3. I finally acted on my fetish for shibari when I was in my early forties. I would tie myself up and masturbate.
4. I always wondered how people could enjoy such extreme behaviors that I saw in BDSM porn. When I started doing shibari, I realized it was a slippery slope. I started with a simple breast harness. A year later, I would bind every possible inch of my body by myself and have nipple clamps. One of my favorite experiences was all that and being spanked too.
5. One of my fantasies is to have my hands and my feet tied to my hips or thighs and have someone fuck me senseless that way. Having my breasts bound and being blindfolded would be icing on the cake.
6. I’m indecisive about whether I still like my body wrapped in shibari when I’m having sex, but I love to have my hands tied.
7. Unfortunately, my husband is a true sub, and anything that was less than dom behavior from me was a complete turnoff for him.
8. He has lost interest in actual intercourse, and prefers to give me massages instead. If it’s a really good one I’m asleep before it’s over
9. A few years ago my husband decided he wanted to be a cuckold, and encouraged me to get a lover. He even went so far as to vet candidates online.
10. I love rubbing my body against another. That is as good as any sort of foreplay for me, and if I do it long enough, I can be perfectly happy just getting off that way too.
11. I do love giving head, even kind of rough and pushed against a wall, grabbing my hair.
12. I used to swallow, years ago, but now that is one of the few things that is a turn-off for me.
13. I’m also not too big on anal, mostly because the sight or smell of shit is another big turn-off.
14. I’ve never had a successful threesome, and now I suspect I never will because I’d want it to be with people I’m emotionally interested in, and that would be pretty unlikely. Ideally it would be with a guy and a woman with a strap-on dildo.
15. I feel extremely fortunate to have experienced the supposed 4 kinds of orgasm. Vaginal, clitoral, g-spot and cervical.
16. I never identified the cervical one until I read a sex/yoga guy talk about how that is the ultimate orgasm for a woman, and that it can only be achieved when a penis is long enough to massage the cervix. The same thing is alluded to in the Kama Sutra, about there being appropriate sized cocks for the variety of depths of the vagina.
17. I still think about sex a lot, but it’s not as visceral as it was. I used to be able to imagine myself to orgasm, but not anymore.
18. That said, I find myself really anticipating the moment when a cock is completely inside me.
19. Being high during sex is a lot more fun than being drunk during it.
20. But being high tends to separate me from where- or whatever it is that causes that sort of ultimate white light. I end up in a different place.
21. There seems to be a moment before sex but after we start kissing that my physical body becomes secondary, or maybe even tertiary.
22. Conversely, there seems to be a moment after we’re done that I become aware of my physical body and surroundings again.
23. I’m working on separating sex and love and attachment. Studying yoga has helped me think about how to do this,
24. Doing pranayama breathing during sex has taken my sexual experience and orgasms to a complete other level, beyond the physical.
25. It is a turn on for me during sex to visualize these sort of cosmic ideas, for example, an image of our prana bodies intertwining.
1. My Elementary School had a quick sex education course that we had to take before we "graduated." The girls were taught how to put a condom on a cucumber. I have no idea what the boys learned. I didn't register what we were being taught until I thought about it again in High School.

2. A childhood friend confessed to me that she wanted to kiss this boy, but she had never kissed someone before so she was afraid to. She asked if we could practice kissing each other in a game she made up called "Make Out Hotel." I started to cry and ran home. We stopped being friends shortly after. Our parents are good friends so I would see her often.

3. I ran into #2 two years ago and she confessed her love for me. She asked if I would have sex with her and her husband for $500. I turned her down.

4. I caught my sister doing sexual things with boyfriends before I knew what sex was. I'd ask her what she was doing and she would tell me flat out she was giving her boyfriend head. A while later, I saw my dog licking himself and exclaimed to my parents that our dog was giving himself head. My sister got in a lot of trouble.

5. I found out what sex actually was was through porn. I was spending the night at a friend's house and whoever was previously watching the TV left it on some adult channel. It was totally cheesy and cliche. A fireman in tight red pleather pants breaks down a door to a tiny blonde woman's apartment asking if there was a fire he could put out. She responded, "Only the one in my pants." We sat there wide-eyed and watched ten minutes of it before she quickly turned it off and got in her sleeping bag and turned off the lights. We never talked about it.

6. I had my first real kiss in the seventh grade. It was also my first date. It with this boy I had a crush on since elementary school at the local roller rink. We were in band class together, and I thought he was the cutest boy I'd ever seen. We were holding hands skating and during the slow skate, he kissed me. Two songs later my best friend showed up and he ran off to slow skate and kiss her.

7. I don't remember when I started to masturbate, but I was pretty young. I was confused about why I did it but only knew that it felt good. I wondered why I had never heard of something this great before. I thought I had invented it. The hand-held massager my sister bought for my mom for Christmas mysteriously went missing after I started masturbating on a regular basis.

8. I would fantasize about guys walking in on me naked and taking turns fucking me. I wrote about it in my journal. My mom often would go through my rooms and take things without telling me. After I wrote about these fantasies I never saw that journal again.

9. I was given my own computer in fourth grade. I also had an internet connection. And a webcam. I discovered AOL chat rooms. I started to talk to boys my age and they would flirt with me and ask me to be their girlfriends. I spent a lot of time in those chat rooms talking about kissing and boys.

10. Being a curious pre-teen with the internet at her disposal, I found tons of websites with erotica. I masturbated to a lot of the stories, mostly ones about people having sex out in the open.

11. Much later I started listening to erotic podcasts which I prefer over porn. Most porn isn't geared towards heterosexual females, at least the porn I've seen.

12. I lost my virginity when I was fourteen to my first real boyfriend in his truck. In our school parking lot. During lunch. It was pretty awkward but it was exciting. His penis was pretty large and it hurt, but I went along with it. We decided to go back to his place instead of going back to class to have a lot more sex.

13. I thought I was in love with #12, like how everyone else in high school does, but looking back on it I know I wasn't. He was just the only guy who would pay any sort of attention to me.

14. #12 was verbally and physically abusive. He called me ugly and said he was the only guy who would dare to fuck me because I was so gross. He kept me a secret from everybody (which became a trend with most of my boyfriends). I was only used for sex, which never stopped hurting. He made me bleed several times. We never officially broke up, he just moved to California and didn't tell me.

15. My poor excuse for a sex education class in high school taught me nothing. So I decided to learn myself. I watched every kind of porn there was. I looked up diagrams and read articles for hours. I watched a lot of gay male porn.

16. If it weren't for my curiosity about sex, I think I might have been one of the girls in my class who got knocked up before graduation because they didn't know the connection between sex and pregnancy.

17. I started dating a guy I met in a bookstore. I was a sophomore and he was a fourth year in College. We would hang out at his house and as soon as his parents left he pressured me to go down on him. I had never given a blow job so I was extremely uncomfortable. He practically forced me to do it and he came in my mouth without giving me any notice. I choked and spit it out on his carpet.

18. #17 would finger me sometimes (even when I wasn't wet, ouch) but he was so apathetic about it and would only do it because it would mean I'd have to suck his dick after. I never got off from it. We had sex a few times and I got off once. He went back to school and broke up with me because I wouldn't let him watch me masturbate on camera.

19. I knew #17's username on LiveJournal for a while so I'd go and read his public entries. I don't know why I did it, but I saw in recent pictures he's gotten fat, and that makes me happy. Also knowing that he has a tiny dick helps.

20. I met this new boy in college. He was the first to go down on me. But he rarely did and it made me feel really self conscious. I started to think that I tasted bad or smelled. He was so awkward and sloppy about it too. It just felt gross. I would fake it so that it would stop. We had sex in my dorm a lot. It was okay. He made awful noises when came.

21. At this point I didn't understand why sex wasn't pleasurable for me. I rarely ever got off. I just thought that's how it was and that sex was really just meant for guys to get off. Because of this I especially didn't get why I liked sex so much.

22. I bought my first vibrator shortly after I stopped seeing #20. It was a hard pink plastic one with multiple settings. I loved it and it was a very tragic moment when It broke. One time I went out with friends and we all picked out more realistic dildos. I ended up not liking it and tossing it for an identical (and much cheaper) version of my first vibrator in purple.

23. I don't know if I was ever really attracted to the guys I've dated up to this point. I just think I wanted them because they made me feel like they wanted me.

24. Despite a lot of bad experiences, I've always enjoyed giving oral. The feeling I get from getting someone off is amazing. I love seeing the guy squirm and moan.

25. The guy I am dating now is great. He treats me amazingly and tells me I'm beautiful. I orgasm without fail at least once every time we have sex. To go from thinking I could only get off by masturbating to coming multiple times from sex is pretty fucking awesome.
1) The first time I ever had sex was with my boyfriend at the time. It was also his first time. I was 16. We only ever had sex once and it was terrible. I didn't orgasm.

2) I've had sex with four guys in the past three years. I did it once with the first, five times with the second, once with the third, and I've lost count with the fourth and current.

3) I still considered myself a virgin after that and I never told anyone that I had had sex. I wasn't proud of losing my "v card."

4) I really wanted to try having sex with someone more experienced than my first. I told myself that I would never have sex with another virgin, but I did once after that (guy three).

5) Guy three was the first one to ever go down on me. It made up for the lack of sex and was ultimately better than sex in the end.

6) He used to force me to go down on him in return. I hated it and to this day I hate giving blow jobs.

7) My current boyfriend is wonderful in just about every way. He is awesome in bed and would rather have sex than have me give him oral.

8) I lost my virginity to him more than to any other guy. He is the first that I actually care for.

9) We have had sex almost every day since we started doing it.

10) I orgasm from the penetration alone about 30% of the time. Most of the time I don't mind, but sometimes after he finishes, I'll ask him to get me off manually.

11) He isn't that great at oral, but it doesn't bother me.

12) The first time we had sex was in the back seat of my car just before midnight.

13) Since then we have done it in a bed, but the car is still the best for both of us.

14) We tried in the shower, but it didn't work well because of the height difference. We showered together and then had sex in a bed.

15) I would like to try different positions, but I'm not sure how to ask. It usually doesn't hit me that I could have asked until after anyway.

16) We almost did it in the drive-in, but he wasn't comfortable with the possibility of someone watching. I don't think I would mind if anyone saw.

17) I don't fantasize very much and I find it hard to masturbate without porn.

18) I used to masturbate everyday, but now I don't feel any need to.

19) I prefer reading to watching any form of erotica usually, but if I need to make a quick job of it, watching does a better job.

20) I am very submissive, but my boyfriend isn't specifically dominant. He's working at being more dom for me and I think he's doing a good job.

21) I sometimes think I would enjoy being tied up, but I don't get turned on thinking about, reading, or watching it.

22) I've never really wanted to role play, but sometimes a rape scene will turn me on. I don't know how he would react to it if I asked for it and I don't really know if I would like it happening to me.

23) I really would like to experience as much as I can sexually and I'm glad that my boyfriend is up to it as well. We did two things that we had both been wanting to try (car and shower) within a week or two.

24) I would like to try sex while drinking. I wouldn't want either of us to be drunk, but maybe tipsy. I've heard so many different things about it that I would like to know for myself.

25) I'm excited for college in the fall. It will allow for so much more than living at home in the summer does.
1. When I was eight years old, I noticed wetness from my vagina and collected some on my finger. I sniffed and tasted the substance and later presented it to my mother without telling her of its origin. To this day, I enjoy the smell and taste of my own vaginal juices – like honeyed apples.

2. When someone sucks my nipples, I sometimes feel that I might orgasm from it. Being fingered at the same time distracts me from the pleasure of it. My breasts are relatively small (36B), but I have always experienced an uncommon amount of pleasure when they are licked or touched.

3. On the only occasion that someone touched my G-spot – for perhaps two seconds – I nearly orgasmed on the spot. It would’ve been the most fulfilling of my life, except the fingers were withdrawn.

4. When I read erotic fiction or concoct fantasies during masturbation, most of the time I am not present in the fantasy. What gets me off is the idea of other people getting off.

5. I enjoy giving oral sex to both males and females, though I have more experience with the former. I like the feel of a cock in my mouth, throbbing in time to my tongue; I enjoy swallowing semen and licking the penis post-orgasm while still sensitive. Most of the time, I prefer to give oral pleasure than to receive it.

6. I have never had intercourse. I think about it constantly and have had countless offers from numerous parties. Still, something holds me back. Usually I tell myself that my ideals about romantic love and pleasure stop me, but I suspect that it is fear.

7. Because I have not had intercourse, I am quite proficient at every other sex act that people do. All of my male partners have told me that I am the best oral sex that he has received.

8. I thrive on clitoral stimulation. When I masturbate, I do so through a layer of underwear because I tend to be a bit rough on my genitals. Lately, I have been doing it without the layer and have taken pains to being careful. It is the very difference between black and white versus Technicolor, and I cannot believe that I have waited so long.

9. Most of the time I wish I had already had intercourse already, so it wouldn’t seem like such a big deal. I have had the opportunity to sleep with many attractive, sexy men and sometimes can’t believe I denied them all.

10. Sometimes I want to lose my virginity to another virgin, a couple of blank slates figuring things out. Other times I want someone of vast experience to show me what my body can really do. I’m conflicted over the choice and occasionally wish someone would just sweep in and take the option from me, even though rape is absolutely frightening and abhorrent to me.

11. In high school, I was too smart to be sought after. Once I hit college, I lost a little weight and shed my long-term boyfriend. I have never felt beautiful or gorgeous, despite protestations of such from partners and acquaintances. To that end, I was self-conscious for a long while about my body, and in the past few years, I have developed some indifference to it, resulting in a dramatic loss of sexual inhibition. Certainly my earlier partners missed out on what more recent partners have experienced.

12. I love holding a man’s head between my thighs. I love forcing him to lap me up, to make him pleasure me until words become monosyllabic sounds and cries. Even more, however, I like being held down and forced to experience oral sex. Likewise, I enjoy holding or tying down my partner and forcing pleasure on him. I trade dominance and submission but prefer the former.

13. There is a spot on my neck that, when kissed, licked, or even touched, I instantly become wet.

14. The feeling of beard stubble on that spot, or over my back, has the same effect.

15. Before I groomed my vagina, I became wet more quickly. Now that I trim and shave, it takes a little longer. Sometimes I wish that I could grow a bush back and be super wet all the time, but I know my partner would be less likely to go down on me.

16. I can’t stomach watching most heterosexual porn. If I must watch it, I prefer amateur stuff (i.e. a couple who submits a cheesy video) or squirt porn. I like to think that the women in these categories are more likely to experience pleasure, as the first is between people who know each other, and the second shows an actual ejaculation as evidence of female orgasm. Sometimes I watch hentai, because no human bodies are “harmed” in the making of it.

17. Sometimes I’m not sure if I have had a genuine orgasm. To that end, I masturbate constantly, in the name of science, of course… I masturbate three to five times a day, more than most males that I know. Having a partner doesn’t change this much, though working or being in school cuts out a lot of my time for getting myself off.

18. If I had two lives, one of them would be dedicated to fucking as many people as I’ve wanted to over the years. Even counting the offers that I’ve seriously considered, it would be at least a dozen men by now, and certainly a half-dozen women.

19. I was once with someone who wanted to do sounding and electroshock. While I indulged him in fantasies of control and pain – I hit him during sex play – I could not consent to anything that might permanently damage him. Sometimes I wonder if I should’ve done it, or if he’s found someone else to do it for him. Given his fetish for straight-laced Asians, I doubt it.

20. I have medical fantasies sometimes. Once I went to my doctor and asked him about the best way to achieve orgasm, half-hoping he would slip on a glove, lube up, and show me. He suggested a butterfly vibrator. I still harbor those fantasies, though that particular doctor is not in them.

21. Sometime in my life, I would like a partner to tell me, during sex, “You are my fantasy.” I read it in a book once and really got off on the idea of it.

22. I am very open with my partners and believe communication is the way to foster good relationships, sexual or otherwise. That being said, most people do not know that I have not had intercourse. Given my frank interest in sexuality and sexual activities, most people assume that I have had countless partners. I do not dissuade them from this belief; I even encourage it. Being known as a virgin makes me feel vulnerable. When people know, they also assume that they know a great deal about me. They think I am overly religious, sexually frigid, or gay. Rather, I am Agnostic, sexually curious and open, and heterosexual (though I engage in sexual acts with women, I do not pursue relationships with them and thus consider myself hetero rather than bisexual). I consider my virginity to be my private property, and the idea that people expect to know is abhorrent to me. I share it with whom I choose and expect complete discretion. Seldom has this trust been broken.

23. The best oral sex that I have ever received was from the most unassuming, straight-laced, honorable man of my acquaintance. He made me scream and even forget my name, it was so good. Sometimes I still think about it and wish I had pursued a serious relationship with him, rather than turning tail and running when it might’ve become more. I know I will always regret him and wonder if he will plague me through the rest of relationships.

24. I have told a few men that theirs was the largest penis I’d ever seen. In truth, the largest belonged to the excellent oral giver mentioned above. He scarcely fit in my mouth, and it took a great deal of practice to accommodate him. When I got him off, I felt like I owned the world. I’m convinced, however, that his gigantic cock would have split me in half, or at least would’ve torn me inside, had we engaged in intercourse. Still, I wonder about him.

25. After submitting this entry, I am going to masturbate myself very long and hard, because just writing all of this has made me very excited.