Saturday, April 21, 2012

1. I'm a 22-year-old virgin, but hating it. I don't meet any of the virgin stereotypes, either.

2. I am fascinated with sex stories--I love hearing them. I have been reading them in Glamour magazines since I was 13, but have none to share.

3. When i was young, the thought of losing my V scared me, I never felt ready. One day I woke up and wanted to lose my virginity when i was 17. The guy i went out with was too young, and in the end I'm glad, because he wasn't a great guy anyway.

4. I met a guy when I was 18. I thought it would be a perfect summer romance, and I wanted to lose my virginity to him that summer, but he broke his foot and was bedridden all month.

5. #4 was engaged before he met me, and was engaged again when I turned 20. At 27, he got his 17-year-old girlfriend pregnant, but they had to wait till she was 18 to be married. I am happy for him, because he always wanted to be married before age 30.

6. Everyone I know, male and female, tells me I'm beautiful, or I hear them talking when they think I can't hear. I get hit on by well-behaved men and creeps, and once, even my professor. Even so, no one seems to want to have sex with me.

7. I am totally turned off by sex toys. At least those large purple cartoon-like dildos.

8. I stumbled on porn on television sometimes when I was young, but I never searched for it until I was 20.

9. I find most porn generally boring because everyone is trying awfully hard to fake it, but I like to search for it because I'm curious to see which ones I'd like to try.

10. I never have a crush on anyone, except for 2 very short spells in my life, when I was 13 and 18.

11. My first kiss when I was 13. He was almost 18. When he stuck his tongue in my mouth I was so happy but so shocked that I forgot to react.

12. I like to think I have a thing for older men, but I'm beginning to dispel it as a myth. When I was 19 in a brand new city, I tried to date a man in his mid-thirties who I didn't even know. He was so clingy and immature, exactly the opposite of what I expected. I didn't last a month.

13. I think the idea of a man masturbating while thinking of me is extremely flattering, not creepy.

14. I love lingerie. LOVE. If I get in a relationship, I will always ask for lingerie as a gift!

15. I think I would enjoy blowjobs. There is a myth that many women don't like it, but I'm dying to experiment.

16. I want to have sex with a woman, yet I don't consider myself bisexual. Until I was 19, the thought of a girl kissing me on the lips disgusted me. Then, after I moved, I found myself staring at certain women and fantasizing about them. I think it's normal for people to be visually attracted to people of the same sex.

17. No one knows I'm a virgin, not even my parents. Sometimes my girlfriends ask ME for sex advice.

18. I never have a crush on anyone. Some times I want to force it and pretend I do, even to myself.

19. Having said that, there is a guy in my home university I would love to lose my virginity to. He is the most handsome man I've ever seen in my life and behaves like a real gentleman. There's not a physical feature I don't like about him. I even love his voice. What I like most is that I couldn't have dreamed him up--he is a combination of features I've never seen before.

20. I wanted to fall in love with him. Again, not something you can force. Sometimes I think he likes me. But he is painfully shy or flat-out not interested, I can't decide. I love the way he looks at me, but he has spoken 200 words to me in 2 years.

21. I masturbated very late. I think age 18. I am now bored with it--I only do it to fall asleep. I want a real partner.

22. My biggest and only fetish is probably anal sex and "creampies." I would love to try it with the right partner.

23. There is an older man at my current university who discreetly flirts with me and some girls my age. His gray hair is starting to show, but he is a very good flirt. I am wondering whether or not I should kiss him before I move back home. I even think about losing my virginity to him.

24. Naturally, I do not make any sex noises whatsoever, even when I come.

25. My secret New Year's resolution was to lose my virginity within the year.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

1.      I am a 23-year-old cis woman who is mostly straight.

2.      My sexual past is not for the faint of heart. I was in a 5+-years-long relationship with a man who physically, emotionally, and sexually abused me.

3.      Some sexual experiences with him I would now call rape.

4.      I now have issues with trusting men and am not sure that I am capable of romantic love at the moment.

5.      Compounding this trauma history is the fact that I have a sexual pain disorder. PIV intercourse (most penetration, really) is excruciatingly painful. My ex was well aware of this.

6.      All treatments for the condition have failed to improve my experience in PIV intercourse. I am not emotionally capable of trying again right now.

7.      For the past few years I preferred to identify as an asexual, and avoided sexual situations and physical contact with men.

8.      I celebrate the fact that it’s been nearly a year since I broke up with my ex, and nearly 18 months since I’ve had sex. At the one-year anniversary, I had champagne.

9.      I have barely been touched in the past year. I have either flinched or stiffened and pulled away when my guy friends have touched me, and my current (female) roommate is the least physically affectionate person I know.

10.  It’s been nearly three years since I last truly wanted to be touched by a man.

11.  I do not orgasm and never have. It’s really not surprising, given all of the above. When I masturbate, I just focus on feeling pleasure.

12.  I rarely masturbate. It happens maybe once a month, and that’s the most frequent it’s ever happened.

13.  I have a pretty low sex drive. This was true pretty early on in my past relationship, and I found out about the pain disorder. I think it’s partially tied to me being on birth control pills.

14.  I am an avid reader of romance novels and fan-fiction. These have served as safe outlets for my sexuality for years.

15.  I consider myself to be pretty--beautiful, even. I am tall and slender with medium-sized breasts and long legs. My green eyes are my favorite feature.

16.  I absolutely want to have a sexual experience with a woman. I don’t think that it would progress beyond kissing and some fondling, but I want to know what it’s like.

17.  With men, I am very attracted to broad shoulders. I want something to hold on to/bite down on. Strong arms and a large chest are also pretty desirable.

18.  A man’s hands are also incredibly attractive to me. Strong, capable hands, with callouses.

19.  In women, I think softness is physically attractive. I like soft medium-sized breasts, rounded hips, and she’d be smaller than me.

20.  Eyes are the windows to the soul. Warm eyes for either gender are crucial for me to be turned on.

21.  Turn-offs include jealousy, possessiveness, lying, and manipulation. I don’t know that I have any explicit physical turn-offs, more preferences.

22.  I hooked up with a guy for the first time ever about a month ago. We just made out and felt each other up a little. No one was more surprised this happened than me.

23.  In my mind, I refer to this person as Pandora. He kinda opened up my box of repressed sexual desire, personal attachment, and hope.

24.  Thanks to him, I remembered/was reminded that I have a very sensitive neck.

25.  He and I are going to be just friends. I was sad about this at first, but I’m actually relieved about it now. I’ve got a lot that I’m working through, and I was already feeling pressure about opening up about my past and my condition.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

1) I am a 43-year-old man, married for 20 years to the woman I have been with since I was 20 years old.

2) I lost my virginity on the night of my 20th birthday, and had a brief relationship with the woman for a month. One month later I had a drunken one-night stand. A month after that I had sex for the first time with the woman I was longing for, who would become my wife.

3) I have struggled with my desires to have sex with a man since I first started masturbating as a teen. My interests were sexual, with no interest in a relationship or intimacy. I felt that I was straight in every way other than this occasional desire. While this was a reoccurring fantasy throughout my life, I pushed these feelings aside, as this wasn't consistent with my identity as a straight man and felt "wrong."

4) As a teen I started to purchase porn and had a preference for written erotica, real life stories, and swinger magazines (and classified ads in alternative papers), preferring these over photos or videos. I never collected porn and discarded what I bought after I read it once or twice. I tried but never enjoyed gay porn.

5) Over the years I have sought out situations (glory holes, parks, etc.) where I may have the opportunity to have a sexual experience with a man, only to run when it seemed like it could happen. I was both intensely curious and terrified by the possibility, both scared of cheating on my girlfriend/wife and of the idea of actually going through with it.

6) I also had fantasies of being submissive, primarily to dominant women, but also sometimes to men or couples. I was deeply ashamed of this and never acted on it or felt that it was something that I could discuss with my wife.

7) While my wife and I enjoyed a good sex life, it was very conventional, as she was brought up in a conservative Catholic household and was ashamed of sex and not comfortable receiving pleasure. While I did not grow up with shame about sex, I had shame about my sexual desires (bi, sub, kinky) that did not conform to the expected role of what it meant to be a (straight) man. This, combined with my wife's vanilla approach to sex, caused me to push down all of my non-conforming desires and be more ashamed of them and guilty that I had those feelings. I did not think it was OK to want or expect the things I thought of.

8) After we had kids, our sex life got more boring and less frequent. I increasingly turned to porn and masturbation as my sexual outlet, which fueled these desires and the shame they caused me. With the internet opening up access to online erotica and chat rooms, the porn I sought out became further and further out there, evolving (or devolving) to forced bi fantasies and cuckolding. I was very conflicted by my reaction to this and would be disgusted with myself as soon as I came. This went on for many years.

9) As the communication in our marriage got worse, I felt trapped and wanted to leave, but couldn't bring myself to split up my family, so I denied my needs for a satisfying sex life.

10) I discovered my prostate after reading about the Aneros online, and wanted to experience a prostate orgasm. I started to build up a collection of anal toys as I searched for the one to produce that magic hands-free orgasm, and would use these during masturbation. I hid the toys from my wife, eventually  asking for some anal play but avoiding any mention of penetration and what that might imply. Years later, I recalled playing with my ass with improvised toys in my earliest days of masturbation, which I quickly stopped doing.

11) A few years ago, a change in blood pressure medication caused ED (erectile dysfunction), which I didn't instantly understand and was very frustrated by my inability to get an erection. Ironically, this turned out to be highly beneficial for my sex life, as not being able to get hard led the sex we had to move beyond PIV (penis in vagina), as the penis wouldn't cooperate. I started to go down on her more (which she was previously uncomfortable with), started getting her off with my fingers (which she also wouldn't allow previously) and began to get into face-sitting, which satisfied some of my sub desire (without her realizing this was what was happening).

13) In my late 30's I discovered that I loved having my nipples played with, and allowed myself to accept this pleasure.

14) I have wanted to be pegged (fucked in the ass with a strap-on dildo) since I first read about the idea, and finally worked up the nerve to tell my wife after wanting to for 4 years. She heard the request, and I was excited she didn't react negatively. After waiting for months I brought it up again and found out that she was confused by my request and didn't want to do it, though she didn't flat out say no (or yes). Her not following up on it or asking questions about it hurt me a lot,  as I ended up bringing it up again and again, growing more vulnerable and hurt each time.

15) In my late 30's I started listening to sex podcasts, first 'Savage Love,' then 'Sex is Fun,' which led me to 'In Bed with Susie Bright,' 'Life on the Swingset' and other swinger podcasts. Through this, I found a world of people who were living their sexual fantasies, embraced their desires and were better for it. This helped me to accept my own desires and realized I was one of many 'straight' guys with a fantasy to go down on a man. I began to accept myself for what I was, kinks and all, and no longer denied these parts of myself.

16) I realized that I am a man that does not conform to a strict society-defined definition of the macho straight male. As a non-sports loving vegetarian who was more sensitive than I was raised to be, I began to accept myself and became less hung up on labels or what society (or my parents) expected me to be, and began to love myself for who I was.

17) This self discovery and the acceptance it led to first became real to me at a music festival. The sun was setting, the music and weather was perfect, and I was surrounded by dancing and sexy women and men and I just felt one with the crowd and had no problem with enjoying the sexual energy all around me from the women as well as the men. Listening to the song that was playing at the time brings me back to that moment.

18) Having fully accepted myself and my desires, I was faced with the reality that while I accepted my bisexual/kinky/sub-bottom/swinger-poly desires, I was in a marriage to a conventional, somewhat sexually repressed woman who I had poor communication with. While our sex had became more frequent and she had opened herself up to receiving pleasure in new ways from me, I was not getting pleasure in the ways I wanted and needed, and did not have the connection and romance I desired. The dichotomy between the sex life and relationship I had with the one I desired (now without the shame and guilt for having those feelings) led to me falling into a depression for the first time, as I saw no path to fixing our marriage or her accepting these things about me, feeling that my only choices were to cheat, break up my family, or repress these newly accepted feelings.

19) With the desire to cheat or leave my wife very powerful, I worked to try to repair my marriage, though not always in ways that were helpful. I was eager to experience sex with a man; now that I had accepted this as a part of me, I decided I had to come out to my wife as bi-curious, as I believed this to be the only thing that would stop me from going through with hooking up with someone. From when I decided to tell her, it took a couple of years to get there, until I felt I had nothing to lose and finally shared this burden with her. I put it out there, she absorbed it, then we went back to normal to the point that I started to think that the conversation never happened, as if I dreamed it. Finally we discussed it, and she began to share her own feelings and desires about playing with a woman and said that it wasn't fair to deny me an opportunity to experience this side of myself. She wanted to be supportive, but needed time to reconcile the idea that sex and love could be separated.

20) Sharing this secret led to an openness between us, as we began to role-play and share fantasies. She became in touch with some repressed feelings, and began to listen to some of the podcasts I had listened to,  and discovered this new world that I had found several years earlier. Talks of a possible three-way grew into talks of a foursome with another bi/curious couple to be found through a swinger website. Suddenly what was just fantasy was now possibility.

21) Seven months after sharing my big secret with my wife, on the week of our 20th anniversary, we met another couple we met through a swinger website for dinner and ended up going back to their place afterwards. We both experienced same-sex play (giving and receiving a blowjob and being on the receiving end of a flogger for me; kissing, feeling up and being licked by a woman for her). We left feeling no guilt or shame about what we did, and had hot sex repeatedly when we got home.

22) Having had oral sex with another man, I figured that I was no longer 100% straight, but wasn't sure how bi I actually was. I enjoyed the experience but did not find it transformational. I consider myself a Kinsey 2, and possibly more sexually adventurous than bisexual.

23) We are now seeking out other couples for friendship and sex. While this is very exciting and I am looking forward to the new experiences (and have seen it improve our relationship and sex life). I have some anxiety about having sex with another woman. I have always been a 'grower' who is small when not erect (avg. 6" when hard) and never had much of an issue with this, as no one saw me naked but my wife. Now I have some anxiety about being in sexual and non-sexual situations around other people, some much larger than me (when soft as well as erect). This is somewhat compounded by my fear of not being able to get hard with a new partner and letting them down with my small soft cock. I am determined not to let this stop me from these new experiences.

24) Despite the newfound openness and happiness, I have a hard time coming from blowjobs or intercourse (though I occasionally do), preferring to come after lots of sex from masturbating while my wife is sitting on my face and I am licking her pussy after I've satisfied her in other ways. I don't understand this, and it bothers me that I can't get off more easily without the help of my hand, in part because I am afraid that it may make her feel that she can't 'get' me to come.

25) Despite being in my forties and having a lower testosterone level, I have the libido of a teen and am as horny as I ever was, needing to come  at least once a day. I think about sex constantly, and spend more time than I should on the swinger websites, reading profiles and emailing or chatting with other couples or possible partners for a threesome.