Saturday, April 14, 2012

1. I value my body and my sexuality very highly. Many would probably consider me uptight, and I used to agree with them, but now I understand that that isn’t it at all. I consider myself a highly sexual person, I love sex, I’m open-minded about sexual expression, and I think connection through sex is incredibly important to relationships and to a full life experience. But for those very reasons, casual sex with someone I don’t know very well and don’t feel connected to just for the physical sensation doesn’t appeal to me at all, because to me it would be so much less than what it can and should be.

2. I’ve recently identified myself as the Individualist/Romantic type in the Enneagram personality system, the driving feature of which is that I seek to understand myself and be understood by others as an utterly unique individual. I think I could be likened to a healthier, stronger Tereza in The Unbearable Lightness of Being, no matter how much I’d often like to be a Sabina. This viewpoint makes so many aspects of my relationships, sexual, romantic and otherwise, make so much sense, particularly #1.

3. I consider sexual orientation to be a spectrum. If completely heterosexual is a 0 and completely homosexual is a 10, with equal attraction to both sexes being a 5, I’d put myself around a 3.5. I’ve kissed women and once shared an orgasm with a woman, but I’ve never dated or had sex with a woman. I feel open to both with the right person, though I do wonder if the fact that I haven’t yet met a right woman might tell me the appeal is only theoretical.

4. I’m a single mom to my toddler. His dad and I were married about 5 years when I got pregnant unexpectedly, and he panicked. He’d barely talk about the baby and wouldn’t touch me. We literally did not have sex after I started showing. After my son was born and he finally understood that I was near leaving, we tried to fix it, but just couldn’t. I’m now elated to be on my own and am actively working through the emotional trauma of feeling rejected and abandoned during my pregnancy. That scene at the end of Kill Bill when Uma Thurman is lying on the floor laughing and crying and saying ‘thank you’ for being free to live her life with her daughter after the trauma Bill put her through? That’s exactly how I felt when I finally ended it.

5. I masturbate probably a little less than once a day on average. I find it to be an opportunity to release tension, to allow my mind to wander, for self-expression, and of course to feel really good. I feel the urge to masturbate most often when I’m working – I’m a graduate student and spend intense hours in front of a computer – fortunately I often work alone.

6. Ever since my son was born I’ve needed to masturbate differently. My technique used to typically be exclusively clitoral, but since then I’ve needed both clitoral and vaginal stimulation. I had a very difficult birth and have wondered if some of my nerve endings are now shot as a result, but my clitoris doesn’t feel less sensitive, I just don’t ever feel I can come that way. Maybe it’s hormonal? Psychological? I ought to explore that more.

7. Just in the past year or two I’ve finally embraced the fact that I’m most comfortable keeping most of my pubic hair. I shave my bikini line and trim when I remember, just enough to keep things tidy. I only shaved everything once and absolutely hated it – it itched, it got stubbly almost immediately, I found it disturbing to look like a little girl, and I felt physically vulnerable in a very disconcerting way.

8. I lost my virginity when I was 22. It was a huge deal for me, and the experience itself was emotionally intense and beautiful, but the circumstances left me an absolute wreck. It was with my high school boyfriend, my first love who had given me every first sexual experience I’d ever had and who I had never really gotten over. I felt it needed to be with him because I thought he might be the only one who could ever really get what it meant to me, and he did – the problem was he was with someone else at the time and had some attachment issues, causing him to panic and push me away afterwards.

9. I was raised Catholic and was very religious throughout my adolescence, which led to constant crises of conscious about my sexuality. I was taught (and generally believed) that sex in marriage was beautiful but that sex outside of marriage and masturbation were sins. I started masturbating around age 11 and felt guilty about it for years. When I fell in love in high school and experienced the ecstasy of touching and nakedness and oral sex, I constantly fluctuated between losing myself in it and trying to stop (my poor boyfriend was very patient and accepting of this). Gradually losing my belief in God and religion in college was the best thing that ever happened for developing healthy acceptance of my sexuality (and for growing as an individual in general).

10. I’ve recently discovered I have a submissive streak. I’m not talking sadomasochism or being made to feel powerless. But for me one of the sexiest things imaginable is for a truly giving partner to take control, maybe pull my hair a little, and to show and tell me what he wants, knowing what a turn-on it is for me to give it. One of the most profoundly affirming sexual experiences anyone has ever given me was to give me detailed instructions for how he wanted me to masturbate, how to explore and worship my body, and to then watch me carry them out for him. Totally incredible.

11. I cheated on my husband. I spent most of my pregnancy desperately reaching out to him for affection and closeness and love, only to be shut out without a word of explanation. Eventually I just shut down and didn’t feel anything for him anymore. Instead I fell for a supportive friend and suddenly found myself in an intense sexually explicit long-distance emotional affair that led to a single intense evening together. I didn’t fuck him (part of me still aches over that), but it was certainly enough to shake up my marriage badly. I’ve always felt strongly that cheating is wrong, and I suppose I still do. I just understand now that circumstances count. My circumstances are not an excuse, but they are most certainly an explanation. I have cheated but that is not who I am.

12. I’m currently experiencing my love for the friend I became involved with as an addiction. Deep down I’ve known this for some time, but it’s been difficult for me to admit and to begin to address. I wanted to hold out for some magic solution that would allow me to be with him (his love for me is kept carefully in a little box – in real life, he’s happily married with a baby on the way). And I’ve been afraid to let go for fear of never again feeling as much as I feel for him and of never finding anyone else who gets me the way he does.

13. I can’t orgasm without thinking about him. It’s not that when I think of anything else I can’t orgasm, it’s that I can’t think of anything else when I orgasm.

14. I felt most beautiful, feminine, and sexual when I was pregnant. My body bloomed, and for once in my life I was truly curvy and voluptuous. The awareness that my body was doing what it had evolved to do as a woman seemed to call for worship of it. Plus my hormones were going apeshit and I wasn’t getting any.

15. My breasts became much less firm after my baby was born and even less so when I stopped breastfeeding. I’m now reaching a point where I can see their sagginess and stretch marks with a sense of affection and appreciation as a symbol of what they’ve been able to do – feed and grow my baby for a year.

16. I was molested as a child, by the man who owned the daycare I attended when I was 5-6 years old. His abuse of other children was discovered and he was prosecuted, at which point it came up with my mom. I remember feeling deeply ashamed and that I had been bad for allowing it to happen. Still, I’m not quite sure how, but I think I came out only minimally scathed. I’ve experienced brief periods of intense distrust of most of the father figures in my life, I sometimes have trouble saying no, and I had some vulnerability and shame issues in the first days of my first sexual relationship, but I think recognizing where those feelings came from allowed me to process them and move past them.

17. I had a very healthy friends-with-benefits relationship in college. We were close and loved each other, we were enormously attracted to each other, but had reached a point where we were no longer interested in each other romantically. We were always completely honest with each other and never had to second-guess where we stood, so it worked beautifully. That honesty was absolutely key to no one getting hurt and to us staying friends.

18. For me, physical attraction stems strongly from mental and emotional connection. I find men who know they’re attractive and expect it to get them somewhere incredibly unattractive. If I were to define my ‘type’ it would be a smart, unique, thoughtful guy who perhaps compensates for having come through some persecution as a nerd with a bit of a bad boy streak, with a strong, creative sex drive lurking just beneath the surface. Hmm, probably slightly biased by my current obsession…

19. I once had an orgasm in my nipples. It wasn’t that I didn’t experience it in my clitoris – but it was like the sensitivity of my nipples and my clit were reversed. I never thought that was possible until it happened.

20. My enjoyment of blowjobs varies considerably. Depending on who I’m giving it to, how he tastes, his reactions, the mood I’m in, the state of our relationship, etc., I can feel anywhere from blissfully intimate and close and aroused to slightly used and slightly disgusted.

21. I’ve only swallowed once. It was the only time I wanted to. I was crazy about him, it was one of the few opportunities I’d had to be intimate with him, and the thought of not swallowing felt like rejection of an intimate, loved part of him. I loved it and have ached for the chance to repeat it many times since. He’s the only person who has ever inspired fantasies like this. Interestingly and sadly, I never felt that way about my husband. I think it’s largely because this person was a true sexual giver, and my husband was not.

22. I enjoy genuine porn and erotica on occasion, though I generally prefer to rely on my own creativity for inspiration. Doesn’t really seem to matter if it’s heterosexual, lesbian, or solo, visual or literary, it just has to be real – real people who really like each other having real orgasms. I even briefly found inspiration in the tamer material on a pretty hardcore BDSM site, simply because it was genuine and therefore felt healthy.

23. Before I had experienced sex or much sexual intimacy, my mental imagery during masturbation consisted of beautiful, almost psychedelic patterns, like I was floating down a hall or tunnel covered in richly detailed, colorful tapestries. Sometimes I miss that! Since then I’ve always visualized a partner in one way or another.

24. I’ve found that I enjoy the way I smell and taste, and exploring this has been an important part of a personal journey toward complete self-acceptance.

25. I decided to contribute this list in gratitude to all the strong, intelligent, sex-positive women out there who have had the courage and self-acceptance to share their sexuality in healthy ways and to embrace that vulnerability. I hope reading this will help other women to love and rejoice in the uniqueness of their own sexuality as these women have inspired me to do.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

1. I’m an almost-24-year-old girl from Europe. I’ve had 11 sexual partners (all guys) in my life, and the most recent was a guy I dated for four months and almost saw as my boyfriend. He broke up with me 2 weeks ago, and it still hurts.

2. I lost my virginity when I was nineteen. Back then I was a bit ashamed that I lost it so late, but it was more important to me that I did it with someone I loved and who loved me back.

3. The guy I lost my virginity to was my first boyfriend, and he’s been my only boyfriend so far (this was almost four years ago). He turned out to be a douchebag that didn’t really care for romance (and was always broke), didn’t listen to what I said and only wanted sex. Sure, I like sex too, but you have to be able to do more than that with your partner.

4. The rest of those eleven guys: 4 boyfriend material, 2 one night stands and the rest were fuck buddies.

5. I’ve always had trouble with men. My ex was a jerk, the boyfriend materials always dumped me, saying: “I’m sorry, but I don’t like you as much as you like me” and the fuck buddies were good in bed but douchebags otherwise. The ONS were just... ONS.

6. So the past 2 1/2 years of guys rejecting me has led to the conclusion that 1: guys are douchebags and I shall never date one again because of the pain you’ll have to go through when they dump you, and 2: Guys don’t want to date me or be my boyfriend because there probably is something wrong with me (which I don’t know what it could be).

7. I’ve actually had a kind of sexual experience with a woman. It was when I was 11 with my best friend. We were exploring each other’s bodies, and both liked it.

8. I’d like to try to have real sex with a woman now when I’m grown up. I’d love to be a bit tipsy then, so it doesn’t seem so awkward. And also that I wouldn’t have to do much to her, since I’ve never had sex with a woman before.

9. I really can’t say any of the names of the genitals of men/women. I refer to it as “down there” or just give hints so people understand what I’m talking about. I also find it hard to talk to a guy about things that turn me on, about what I want him to do and what I like when we have sex.

10. I have never had an orgasm from vaginal penetration, and really don't understand how that's possible without simultaneous clitoral stimulation. Many guys (and I) have been down there with both fingers and penises, but I feel nothing. Sure, it feels nice, but it doesn’t make me come. It’s an extra turn on if they use their fingers when they go down on me, though, but nothing more. I seriously doubt that I have a g-spot.

11. Speaking of fingers: except me, there have only been two guys who have been able to give me a clitoral orgasm with their fingers. The first one is my ex and the other one is the guy I dated most recently. But with the last one it only happened two or three times. They’re no good with their hands, and I don’t know how I should explain it to them so that it feels nicer.

12. I’ve been thinking about sex and wanted to have sex since I was seven years old.

13. I love masturbating, and I’ve done it on an almost regular basis since I was 14. I’ve tried in different places with different things, in the shower, with toys etc. If I’m in the mood I can masturbate up to five times a day. If I’m bored or can’t go to sleep, I masturbate.

14. I really like to watch porn, and almost anything turns me on there, especially girls who get orgasms that make them scream and lose all control, and BDSM movies. A great orgasm (now that I’m single) includes that and my dildo.

15. But officially I’ve never seen a porn movie in my life. Not a soul knows that I really like it and it turns me on. Not even any of the guys I’ve dated knows. It feels like a huge taboo, and girls are definitely not supposed to watch porn, only guys do.

16. Even though I like to look at BDSM and things like that, I’m more of a vanilla kind of girl in the sack myself. The most “kinky” stuff that I like is when a guy pulls my hair, when I have a pair of handcuffs or when he lightly holds his hands around my neck, as if he would strangle me. Spanking and calling me names during the act is such a turn off!

17. I’ve never had anal sex, and I’m not that interested in having it either. It just seems gross and, in my opinion, stuff is supposed to get out of there, not in. BUT if I meet a guy who knows what he’s doing I might consider it.

18. One thing I haven’t had either, and that I’m certain I won’t do any time soon is a threesome. It would just feel weird. Well, maybe if it was me and two guys it might work out. Maybe.

19. If I have sex and I come in some way, that’s the only time I feel fully satisfied. Then I easily can fall asleep or just... lay there. If I only get one and not the other, I can still go on teasing the guy or something like that. I need to have both of those things to be fully satisfied.

20. I don’t know why, but when I’m... anywhere, in the subway, in a restaurant, at school/work, I can’t resist to let my eyes wander to a man’s groin for a short moment and fantasize about what size their penis is, how it looks like, etc.

21. And boobs I really like. I like fondling my own, and would like to try to fondle and suck someone else’s boobs. They feel very nice.

22. I could never date a guy who’s chubby or who isn’t fit. Myself, I haven’t worked out for a year (but I’m not fat, I just got curves). That I haven’t gained any weight since is a mystery to me. But the guy I date/my future boyfriend has to be fit and work out. And he also has to be taller than me.

23. I love giving blow jobs. When I have my period I don’t have sex, but whoever I’m dating at the time get many blow- and hand jobs (which end up with us jumping into the shower together). And it’s generally a turn-on for me.

24. I love buying pretty underwear, especially laces and see-through underwear. I even have a corset. And I love to have matching sets. It very rarely happens that I wear a black bra with white panties e.g. if I go on a date, or go clubbing, the underwear that I wear is equally important as what I wear or my makeup (even though I’m not going to hook up with any guy). I feel even prettier with nice underwear.

25. One thing that I also like very much, and that I find very important in a relationship is those little everyday things, like cuddling or just kissing without having sex afterwards. Just lying in each other’s arms in the bed or in the couch while watching a movie. Things like that. I really miss that.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

1. I have a very high libido. It's always been this way, but until recently I never acted on it.

2. I've been married for over twelve years, I'm a PTA member and head of the school bake sale. I'm also polyamorous. I've had a lover for the last year, and just started meeting new men for possible adventure. My husband is cool with our arrangement, but chooses to not be part of it. My lover knows about everything, and will hopefully soon be part of it.

3. I had my first orgasm when I was five or six years old. I remember rubbing against my pillow and suddenly being overcome with ecstasy. I immediately tried to recreate the experience.

4. I masturbate almost every day - mostly with my vibrator, but sometimes with my hands so I'll be self-sufficient in the event of a worldwide battery shortage.

5. My lover has a HUGE cock. I LOOOVE his HUGE cock. I cannot get enough of his HUGE cock. I wish his HUGE cock was inside of me right now and a minimum of five times a day.

6. I've been part of two soft threesomes (one man, two women). Both times I was the only one who had full-on penetration with the men. I think this is due to my vanity/ego needing to feel like the main/most important woman in the mix. I'm currently working on this - I'd like to be a bit more generous if the opportunity ever presents itself again.

7. I've had anal sex three times and loved it. The first time it took some getting used to, but once I relaxed the pleasure was off the hook. The second time was with my main man. We were concerned he might hurt me due to his size, but he was so gentle, slow, and careful it turned out to be totally amazing. The third time was with an additional guy I'd been seeing, the Ass Man. I was so into it I hardly noticed that it was entirely too fast, too rough, and for too many hours. It took over a week for me to heal. I will NOT do that again.

8. I love sucking cock and love sucking balls, and always aspire to do my personal best to please. Hand-jobs seem to be my downfall. I'm working on this too.

9. It feels disingenuous to say I enjoy rimming, but in the heat of the moment I'll do it without hesitation and it does excite me. I enjoy having it done to me too, not so much for the sensation, but because of how naughty it feels.

10. I wish I were brave enough to be with two men at the same time. I imagine being the center of so much pleasure and attention would be intoxicating for me.

11. My college boyfriend and I once had sex on a stack of coats during my parents' big Christmas party at our home. It was so hot I still take the memory out of the spank bank every now and then.

12. I love porn, especially amateur porn and home videos. Sometimes I don't beat off to them. But mostly I do.

13. My husband is the only person who can make me come with oral sex. I think the reason it's his specialty is because it's an incredibly intimate act and he loves me more than anyone else in this world. I love him too. We just have different needs.

14. I like a powerful man who knows how to take charge - hair pulling, ear biting, rough sex, anything that taps into that primal energy makes me crazy.

15. Sometimes when I masturbate I fantasize I'm a young girl from Roman times being forced to have sex with an undesirable, hostile, old man in exchange for some family favor in front of a group of onlookers. Sometimes I fantasize I'm a peasant girl in the Victorian age and for some mysterious reason the king is trying to impregnate me (I think maybe the queen keeps having girls and if I get pregs w/a boy they'll steel the baby from me and pass it off as hers). He fucks me as an audience yells their demands that I conceive a boy. OK, this is the last one I'll tell - sometimes I fantasize I'm part of a woodland village and before all the men head off to battle they all line up and take turns going down on me; the man who makes me come is the man who will lead the tribe to victory.

16. I have no idea why those fantasies come to me when I jerk off! Maybe I subconsciously want to be part of a gang bang.

17. I cannot help being very loud when having sex. Sometimes I wish my lover would just cover my mouth.

18. I'm into dirty talk, especially when it's very close to my ear.

19. My favorite orgasms come from deep penetration. The deeper, the better.

20. I think I might be ready to explore a woman's body. I wish the hot young thing at my coffee shop would give me a sign.

21. I once fooled around with my friend's husband while she watched, then the two of them had sex right next to me and I watched. It was hot!

22. I have recently acquired a lover, Superman. He put me in positions I had absolutely no idea my body could accommodate. Today he asked if I've ever done DP. I have not. I will definitely be seeing Superman again.

23. I feel massive guilt about what I'm doing. My husband is home with the kid when I romp with my lover and go out meeting potential new lovers. Also, when I do the mom thing I often daydream about the dirty fun I'll be having later (or had the night before). I'd be happy if I had sex every single day, especially when I'm ovulating, because getting fucked hard is the only thing that eases the pain of that time. My husband could go his whole life without it (family issues, shame issues, lack of experience, etc.). This arrangement seems to works for us, but it feels like I'm carrying such a dirty secret. I really wish more people understood.

24. I was a faithful wife for ten years of a mostly sexless marriage. In the last two years I've slept with four men. It feels like I've been reborn. This is who I am.

25. I wish my husband wanted me the way my lovers do.

Monday, April 9, 2012

1. I am a 42-year-old, married, heterosexual male, and I think I have had sex with about 80 women; I say "I think" because for a while I was on a rampage, seeking validation of some sort, and somewhere along the way I lost count.

2. One definite thing about me is I absolutely LOVE breasts. It doesn't matter if they are small or huge, natural or not - I love breasts and honestly cannot understand how there are men who do not. There is just something about holding them, touching them, sucking them. I especially love to see them bouncing.

3. Speaking of bouncing, my absolute favorite sexual activity is to be ridden and watch breasts bouncing.

4. I love to hear a woman talk dirty to me. In my experiences, not a lot of women will do it because they think they sound silly, but trust me ladies, if you throw in a well-placed "fuck my pussy" or something like that, it will make a world of difference to your guy.

5. I am often told I am an attractive man, but for so long I was always told I was too skinny, so somewhere along the way I developed some type of complex about it. I guess that is the root of the uncertainty of the number mentioned in #1. I have since gained weight (6'2", 190 lbs) but I guess it's kind of like people who lose weight and still see themselves as fat. Funny how our brains work, huh?

6. I have a fetish of smelling women's panties. When I visit someone and use their bathroom I always look for a hamper and hope there are panties in it. On occasion I have taken a pair so that I could masturbate in them later. I prefer panties that have a fair amount of discharge in them because there is something primal about knowing that came out of that woman's pussy. Plus it holds her scent so much longer.

7. I have a pre-paid phone I use to talk to women I know or meet. Well, actually we usually just text back and forth. I was initially amazed that I could randomly text women I know and without telling them who I was that they'd start confessing all types of sexual things to me. A few of them I have let know it was me, but most of them don't. Sometimes they will text me to tell me what color panties they are wearing, and a few have sent me pics.

8. I love to give oral sex. There is just something intimate and very mentally pleasing about having my face between a woman's legs and tasting/smelling her. I actually prefer to do it after she has been working or running errands all day as opposed to when she is freshly showered. Doing it after she has washed up takes away all the natural flavor and scent, and there's nothing to taste; I may as well be licking on plastic.

9. Most people would look at me and consider me a pretty plain, boring person and never guess I have a Prince Albert. I consider it a marital aid, and my wife loves it.

10. One woman I would LOVE to have sex with is my sister-in-law, although I know it will never happen. She's one of those women that just oozes sexuality without even trying. She is also one of the women I text with,  and after much time and after she'd divulged a lot of personal info I finally told her it was me; needless to say she was totally shocked. We send each other flirty texts throughout the day just to break the monotony.

11. As I have gotten older I have begun to see that I am becoming more and more open to different aspects of my sexuality. I don't think I'll ever be open to male-male interaction, but pretty much anything else is up for consideration. I'd like to see my wife with another man. I think it would help me be a better lover to her if I could sit back and watch how she responds to certain touches and movements. Besides, I'm not above thinking I can learn a few things from someone else, and maybe he'd bring something to the table that I never even considered.

12. I would love to experience a golden shower.

13. I like to have my testicles tickled from behind. Sure, it feels good if we are facing one another or any other position, but damn if it doesn't feel good if I am lying on my stomach and my balls are touched with a feather, tongue, or lightly with fingers.

14. If I don't have sex then I masturbate. I cannot recall the last time I went 24 hours without coming. When I travel and check into a hotel I always masturbate as soon as I get there - kind of like planting a symbolic flag, I guess.

15. Whenever I travel, my wife gives me a few pairs of her panties she's made so I can smell them and come in them while I am gone. Maybe once or twice I have left them where someone could find them and have even watched a few times to see people's expressions - talk about priceless! I have even seen a few people slide them in their pocket, bag, or briefcase.

16. I am not one to get caught up in the wild, crazy positions to have sex. For me the excitement comes in the place we have sex. Of course, the more risky the better it is for me. Too bad my wife isn't as adventurous and open to the idea.

17. My fuck-et list includes being with women of different races (Caucasian, Asian, Hispanic), an orgy, going to a nudist resort, a midget (little person, to be PC), sex in public, domination, and extreme bondage.

18. Speaking of sex with women of different races, I am somehow drawn to middle-aged white women (think soccer-mom type), young Asian women, and both young and middle aged Hispanic women. Don't know what that means but I am sure a shrink would have a field day with that one.

19. Not sure how I let this one slip all the way down here, but when I orgasm I have full body orgasms, meaning I come HARD. It's like every nerve in my body is firing at the same time, and even the slightest touch feels like a million volts of electricity shooting through me. I used to be embarrassed about it but as I have gotten older I have found most women really like it. And hell, it feels good, so win-win!

20. I had an affair with a woman I worked with and she was absolutely amazing in bed! There was nothing off-limits with her and she loved sex as much as I do. Unfortunately, she started acting crazy and that was the end of that.

21. I fantasize about sex all day, every day. There have been times I was shaking the hand of a colleague and wondered what she looks like when she comes, what color panties she's wearing, what her fetishes are, what she tastes like and, most importantly, what it would take to get her in bed.

22. One of my biggest fantasies is to come home and find my wife has gotten me a woman for my own pleasure, to do whatever I want. After allowing me my time with her she comes back and all three of us indulge in the most erotic sex ever.

23. I often wish there was a way I could know the number of women that have masturbated to the thought of me and the number that have wanted to fuck me. Who couldn't use that ego boost every now and then?

24. I love to lick my wife clean after I come inside her. There is just something about the way we taste together and hell, if I expect her to swallow mine or lick me clean after we're done,  there's no reason I shouldn't do the same for her. I love using my mouth during sex.

25. There is nothing better than having sex. If I could go every day with a new partner I would. Not that I don't love my wife,  but every woman brings something different, and it would be incredible to experience as many as possible.