Saturday, December 1, 2012

1. I am a nineteen-year-old woman. I'm a virgin by common moral standards, and sex scares me. Religion is a dirty word in my personal experience, and I'm one of those people who says gosh, geeze, and darn just to avoid it, although I can swear like a sailor with no provocation.

2. I don't like relying on anything. I used to drink and pop at least eight 350 mg painkillers every day. The people I've talked with about sex agree that they wouldn't know what to do if they had to be celibate. Addiction runs in my family, but I can kick habits like those mentioned above in a single day. It hurts like a bitch, but I think I get a power trip out of it. Nevertheless, I don't like trying my abilities where I don't need to.

3. Pretty much every male figure until third grade was a perceived threat. My first male teacher, a Vietnam vet, spoke to us early in the year about a friend who died in the war. He showed us the etching of his name on the War Memorial. Up until then I hadn't really thought men could have the kind of peace he did. It wasn't depressing, or overly reassuring. Just this brief little talk, but he trusted us and cared enough about us to do it, and I loved him for it.

4. Oftentimes, people blame tumultuous childhoods for issues later in life. Those who don't know me well tell me I'm very strong, assertive, and sexual, but my closest friends know that if someone so much as touches my arm without my consent, I'm likely to feel nauseous. I had a violent upbringing.

5. Referencing 1 and 2, I despise weakness, particularly co-dependence and reliance. I can't deal with people in pain or withered from sickness, and I can't really stand the thought of coming to rely so heavily on someone else for physical purposes. I can pleasure myself, and I do so three or four times a week.

6. On a cabin trip we took, I wrote a note to my boyfriend in his diary and removed the bookmark. I told him the gist of what I'm telling you, and to forgive me and be patient with me because it's difficult to think about what's happened. Several days later, he sent me a note telling me that I am not, as I wrote, "dirty," and that he respected me. I almost cried, so I went to bed at 19:00. A few weeks after, he gave me a carved picture frame with a picture of us in it. In the back cover, once you open it, is something I wrote him. It made my eyes water and he cuddled me for a very long time.

7. I've been masturbating since about the fourth grade. I looked at filthy stuff, even then--mostly rape and violent assault. I was eleven.

8. Scars and bruises and rope, all placed artfully, turn me on. I hate seeing bruises on the face. I can't tell you how much. But old gashes, purple and yellowed skin, and bloody noses are fuel to the fire.

9. Sex was a solid enough concept by the second grade that I was forcing my favorite doll, one with short hair and highlights and tanned skin, one that looked exactly like me, to prostitute herself to my other male and female dolls, but mostly male. I made a little veil, and they would go underneath it and I would violently mash them together, a deep voice growling, "Take it. Yeah. You like that?!" while a higher, pleading, scared voice said things along the lines of, "No! Stop! Please!" I entertained my friend with my antics and she joined in. Then she moved and I had no one with whom I could share my little game.

10. I didn't care if my Barbies were naked because they didn't look like real people or kids, but if my baby and porcelain dolls were exposed, I could freak out.

11. Shortly after getting into darker and darker porn at eleven, I discovered gay fiction. I read it avidly, and it was much more calming and normal than the shit I'd been viewing before. For years, I could only come thinking about gay sex.

12. I was terrified when I first started menstruating. Before, I passed as a boy, a quiet one, but a boy. The jig was up.

13. If I don't masturbate for three days I have a sex dream. That's that. I'm two or so years past the puberty gate, and my sex drive can go like clockwork rather than spontaneous, unbidden hours of... well, "heat," I guess.

14.  I hated myself for several years before going through severe depression, self-mutilation, therapy, suicide attempts, and an SSRI that gave me paranoia alongside my "uplifted" moods. During this time, I began drawing obscene pornographic comics involving tentacles, rape, torture, date rape, imprisonment, gang rape, and murder. They made me laugh and feel good about myself. Filled four decently-sized sketchbooks in something like three years.

15. The pastor at my school liked to see kids in his office. I stopped attending Sunday school at six because I always wanted to be near my mother, no exceptions, and when I was left in the class, I laid low at first, trying not to be noticed, and then I acted out. I was very, very happy to go. It's been thirteen years. I have never told anyone anything about this and this the last time.

16. His son ran Christian Youth Nights at the Lutheran church and offered twisted logic aside his Jesus rant. He told us men and women have their places, then had the boys and girls play various Mars Vs. Venus games. One of them could be compared to Venus in Furs. I thought it was fine, even fun at first, but then something was wrong and slowly throughout the night I felt dirtier, and dirtier, until I finally sneaked out through the girls' locker room. To this day, no one  from my hometown talks about it. My peers say things like "Oh, well, that's just what kids do, right? I mean, it was a joke. Totally funny. Why are you so uptight?" I'm one of those people who doesn't shower or try to mentally cleanse or repress after something bad happens. I earned that anger. It is mine, and I am going to keep it until the day I die.

17. I don't trust authority figures because of all that and many, many things non-sexual, but the sight of an officer's uniform still gets me going like no tomorrow.

18. Every girl I liked in the past was heavily religious. I moved to a big city where it wasn't much of a problem, and then all I had to do, with the people I got to know, was ask. However, every boy has had to pursue me like nobody's business. The main reason my boyfriend is my boyfriend is that we shared that hunt. We challenged each other, he, used to being in control, me, used to being alone with free rein. One of our friends has called him my bitch, and I laugh, but I'm perfectly weak to him if he deserves it.

19. My first boyfriend hit me during our second fight. In passing period. In front of my friends.

20. I hate Hollywood movies with unattractive, geeky failures who magically obtain the perfect woman because it's fine if they're untouchable, but a female is a sexual object, and that's all she's good for. On the other side, I hate movies which figure that the only way to have a strong female character is to "give her control of her own sexuality." As long as she flaunts her double-Ds and gives blowjobs because that's feminism. Which is to say, I despise Hollywood. But it goes into another factor, because I don't believe all of these gorgeous gals are flocking to the computer science building, that many of these women aren't fully consenting with the plot, just going along with it. And this should really have its own point, so check out #24.

21. Some of my more disturbing fantasies include inter-species rape, zombies, blood kinks, cannibalism, broken bones, amputation, alien cross-species implantation, and... horrible things involving Robert Downey Jr. Honestly, given the chance, I want to make him cry and crawl and beg on his knees. That's affection.

22. I love love love telling erotic stories and I'm very good at it. I've never not gotten a reaction.

23. I goaded two men on a ferry to have sex with me when I was seventeen, but they said, after some conversation, that I was too young, and they respected me. Lesson from that is: Sex ≠ respect. Again.

24. Non-consensual, real life sex makes me physically ill. Occasionally I drift back to old habits and check out some simulated rape videos, but I always come back to the same conclusion. No exceptions.

25. My boyfriend is the most patient person I know. We're about to have our first anniversary, he's a healthy 18-year-old boy, and he's never pressured me into sex. His most repeated and honest phrase during make-out/fondling/fingering/jerking time is "Only if you want to." I want to tell him I love him, but I have this strange, old-school idea that you only say that to family members. Dating, engaged, or married. I say it jokingly to friends, but I've never said it seriously to anyone when it wasn't platonic, and I burn with embarrassment and a bit of shame thinking about it.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

1. I am a straight (ish) cisgender 20-year-old female.

2. I say straight-ish because I have had sex with a woman, but I would like to explore that part of myself more before making any conclusions.

3. I have had six sexual partners, five males and one female.

4. I fantasize a lot about scissoring. I love the thought of two wet vaginas rubbing against one another.

5. Even though I identify as mostly straight, I really like lesbian porn. Partially because of them eating each other out, a large part because it looks like both parties are actually enjoying themselves. Maybe in the future, I will pay to become a member of a feminist porn site. I think that would be really fucking cool.

6. I really really really love being eaten out. All my sexual partners have enjoyed giving me head or have wanted to give me head. I think that it would be a dealbreaker if a partner didn't like oral sex.

7. One of my best sexual relationships was with a guy with whom I never engaged in oral sex or PIV sex. I still fantasize about him a lot and I really hope we have sex in the future.

8. I love hearing myself moan. It gives me goosebumps.

9. I love oral piercings. They are really fun to play with while I'm making out with someone. I've kissed someone with a vertical labret piercing and with a tongue piercing.

10. I think pierced nipples are super hot and I really want to get my own pierced.

11. I think I'm a little fat, but I don't really care. If you're not into my body, obviously you don't need to see me naked.

12. I'm still trying to figure out what gets me off. I want to work up to having orgasms where I can't move. I love grinding motions and that often helps me get off. 

13. Something that really turns me on is rubbing against a hard dick. I love feeling our bodies rub against one another.

14. I have a major thing for Jewish boys. Or just boys with dark hair in general.

15. One of my proudest moments was when I got eaten out in the dorm showers at my college. Another one was hooking up with my figure model after drawing him naked. It was a dominance trip in a way, because he was naked for me. It was pretty hot being clothed and having him naked.

16. As much as I like receiving head, I love giving head too. I like to share pleasure.

17. I would love to be tied up during sex. I am interested in the bondage and domination aspects of BDSM, but I'm kind of afraid of the pain parts. That's not to say that I don't like rough sex, however. I'd get really bored if we just "made love" all the time.

18. I am interested in being dominant and being submissive. I need different things at different times.

19. I have only had PIV sex twice with one partner. He was my first boyfriend. We were together for six months. I still feel guilty about that relationship because I feel like I was in it for the wrong reasons, namely just to have a boyfriend. He was pretty misogynistic and could be very manipulative at times. He would spend a lot of time trying to convince me to do more than I was comfortable with. This is why I'm waiting until I'm extremely comfortable with someone to have PIV sex. It doesn't necessarily need to be a boyfriend; I can think of some friends I'd probably have PIV sex with.

20. I like to cuddle, but I don't really like to spoon while I sleep. I feel the need to move around.

21. Anal sex is an interesting prospect, but it makes me anxious because of the poop. I am slightly OCD when it comes to germs, and I don't want poop somewhere I'm gonna put my mouth or whatever. Same goes with pee. If you're into that, that's OK--I'm just not really into it.

22. I really like hickies. Especially if they're on the insides of my legs or on my breasts. It really turns me on to look at them and remember how I got them.

23. I don't really need to be penetrated at this point to get off (this may change).

24. There were naked pictures of me for someone's senior art project in our college's library. I felt anxious about this at first, but then I found it to be extremely empowering.

25. Finally, I love biting. Biting is really fun for me. But you have to not just chomp down. That hurts and isn't sexy for me.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

1. I am a bisexual man in my late twenties. I currently am in a relationship with another man.

2. The man I am together with is my first same-sex partner. We've been together for about half a year now.

3. Before that, I was in a relationship with a woman, but she broke up with me.

4. I always fantasized about sex with men, but I didn't try it as long as I was in a relationship. When I am in a relationship, I am law-abiding and do not cheat on my partner.

5. When my last girlfriend broke up with me, I decided to try sex with men. I started an affair with the guy I am together with now. We met each other online. It was only sex, no feelings, no kissing. We met, fucked and left each other. It went like this for some months.

6. With time, our relationship changed and we started talking and having a few beers after sex. I guess we developed something like a friendship-plus, but the  plus was there before the friendship was.

7. One day after work, he called me and asked me if I'd like to come over. We sat in his flat and had some beers, when he suddenly sat over next to me and kissed me. I was really surprised, but I somehow liked it. It may sound strange, but even though we were making out for several months, I never really thought that our relationship could turn this way. However, the night that followed had the most intense sex I ever had. Since then, we've been a couple.

8. I am a bottom. I enjoy getting fucked, but I don't care that much about fucking actively. I also like receiving a blowjob. Giving head is OK to me. I like it to feel how much pleasure I can give that way. Sometimes I enjoy swallowing come, but that really depends on my mood. Usually I swallow when he is coming into my mouth. When I had sex with girls I always loved it when they swallowed, so I do now, too.

9. I can orgasm from passive anal sex. The orgasms I get this way are so much better than the ones I get from stimulating my penis. I don't come every time, mostly because it takes quite long to get me stimulated enough that I can come.

10. My preferences match my boyfriend's quite well. He doesn't like getting fucked that much. So he definitely is the more active party in bed. I've only fucked him two or three times.

11. My favorite position is riding cowboy-style,  with my boyfriend sitting. I like the penetration that way. Unfortunately, I don't come that way. To bring me to an orgasm, missionary position is the best. So our sex mostly ends in this position.

12. I really love making out. I could spend hours just kissing and touching each other's bodies - it nonetheless always leads to sex in the end anyway. I also really enjoy undressing each other slowly.

13. Since my partner and I are both working a lot, we don't have sex really regularly. Sometimes we don't see each other for a week or more, even if we live in the same town. Despite that, we mostly do it three or four times in a row when we meet each other after some time.

14. We do not live like a couple in public. But it's not like we are hiding it. If someoe asks me I say that I have a boyfriend but I do not deal with it offensively. I guess my boyfriend does it the same way. If we stay together longer, we may change it one day, but for now this is perfectly fine.

15. I like porn. In many ways. I like watching it. and also reading hentai manga. My favorite genres with manga are yaoi (gay) and yuri (lesbian). When it comes to porn movies, my favorite genres change from time to time. Most of the time it is amateur porn. I like to watch normal people doing it and not professionals.

16. My favorite porn genre for a long time was she-male sex. Recently I started watching lesbian sex. Generally everything turns me on that is playing with gender roles and crossing them.

17. What I really like about sex with girls is the taste of their vagina and their breasts. I really enjoy licking a girl and touching her breasts and playing with them.

18.  I don't care much about BDSM. I think I would try it if my partner wanted to, but neither giving nor receiving pain turns me on. Some spanking during sex is OK, but i don't like it too much.

19. I usually prefer slow sex. I like when I can touch my partner and enjoy the intensity of feeling him inside. Sometimes rough sex really turns me on, but those cases are rare. I also like it when my partner comes inside me and then leaves his penis inside for some moments until it almost slips out on its own.

20. We've only done it without a condom for some weeks now. We got ourselves tested before we decided to do it without. I've never slept with someone without a condom without being tested first. I am quite afraid of AIDS and other STDs.

21. I do not identify as a cross-dresser, but sometimes I wear woman's underwear. I like the feeling of it on the skin, and the cute looks. I posses a few pieces, mostly tangas and strings, most of them open-crotch. I enjoy sex still wearing the underwear a lot.

22. Some days I've gone out with woman's underwear on. I enjoy the feeling that no one knows what you are wearing underneath. But I'm too shy to do it very often. Mostly I wear the panties underneath boxers.

23. In general, lingerie is a real turnon for me. I like that you cannot see the things you like to, but you need to imagine.

24. My affection for female underwear is somehow strange, since I am a very manly guy, judging by looks.

25. I like to try sex toys. I have a dildo, but I didn't use it for some time. The first thing on my list will be a butt plug. I was also talking with my boyfriend about a cock ring to intensify his orgasms.    

Sunday, November 25, 2012

1. I am a lesbian in my early twenties. My gender is hard to pin down. I usually  go with genderfluid. My presentation is more feminine with tomboyish  undertones.

2. I'm a bit of an amateur porn connoisseur. There tends to be more chemistry between humans who are not paid actors. Outside of the obvious reason, I enjoy amateur porn because I like to dissect the relationships between partners.

3. Generally speaking, I prefer to watch heterosexual porn. I can never get past the botox, breast implants, and the staged atmosphere of male-targeted lesbian porn to find any of it arousing.

4. I sometimes envision myself as being in the role of the man while watching porn. This terrified me at first, as I thought it implied that I was transgender.

5. There is one video where a Black woman is straddling the face of a Black man, who is on his back, pleasuring himself with his hand. Their positions do not change for the entire film. She climaxes multiple times, and he ejaculates near the end. It's hot because it disrupts the heterosexual narrative that penis-in-vagina sex is superior to all other sexual acts.

6. There is one amateur lesbian video of a buxom blonde and slender brunette which is nearly perfect. I’ve watched it dozens of times over the last few years.

7. I climax more easily while lying on my stomach. Few women have gotten me off while I was on my back. I have to be incredibly comfortable around someone in order be okay with feeling that vulnerable.

8. I had sex for the first time at 19. It was with a 40-something-year-old Guatemalan man. Whether I consented or not is up for interpretation. I was drunk, and in love with a girl living in the same city.

9. I had my first orgasm at 14, while lying on top of a body pillow. I started shifting my hips, and it just kind of... happened.

10. Melina Kanakaredes was one of the first women I fantasized about. This was when "Providence" was still on the air. I thought I only wanted her to be my sister. In retrospect, I know better.

11. I prefer sex to be versatile. I like to touch and be touched.

12. I have been in a dominant-submissive relationship before. It was erotic at first, yet I quickly became bored with being shoved into the same role each time we fooled around.

13. The same woman mentioned in #12 encouraged me to enact a rape fantasy with her.

14. While my relationship following the one in #11 was incredibly versatile, the woman was the one who exclusively wore the strap-on. I didn't mind, as it wasn't our only means of lovemaking.

15. I deep-throated #14’s baby blue strap-on.

16. I have fisted a woman before upon her request.

17. I prefer clitoral stimulation. I’ve never had a vaginal orgasm before.

18. I am subconsciously attracted to women based upon their waist-to-hip ratio. I almost always go for the curvier girls.

19. Digital penetration is more intimate for me than oral sex. I feel like a woman could do more damage with her fingers than her mouth.

20. My clitoris is so sensitive that I rarely need direct simulation to achieve orgasm. All it takes is a partner moving her fingers against my inner labia. I do not like having my clit sucked--it always feels a little painful.

21. If I am control of a sexual act/topping my partner, I can almost always climax when she does. It doesn’t matter if I am being touched, or if I am rubbing against her thigh.

22. If I am ticklish when you touch me, odds are good that I’m still not 100% comfortable around you.

23. When I was eight, I asked my 13 year-old female babysitter how babies were made. She took me into her bedroom. I straddled her, fully clothed, and she kissed me on specific places, and I responded by doing to same to her. “This is how adults make love,” she’d told me.

24. That same woman has now aged, has two children, and has been divorced twice.

25. My masturbation cycles are erratic. Sometimes, I will have an every-other-day routine. Others, I will touch myself multiple times in a day.