Thursday, June 11, 2009

1. I hit puberty in 3rd grade and often humped my teddy bear. I didn’t know what I was doing, just that my physical body really enjoyed it and that I had a deep sense of shame. I often prayed for forgiveness immediately.

2. I got caught once and my parents made me carry the teddy bear around and called me a pervert.

3. I think the sticky feeling of cum from then is why I like to have a guy cum on me now.

4. Being bisexual, and having a first encounter that didn’t end in climax, I feel like I lost my virginity lots of times.

5. One of my girlfriends had sex with another guy while we dated and I read an email where he wrote her about it. It turned me on and still does, though it brings up all sorts of shame (and memories of being sexually abused). I don’t know what to do with the whole thing.

6. When I show up and am mentally in the game, I’m really good at what I do. Really good. I feel guilty if I’m not mentally in it/good, and never want to disappoint my partner.

7. I’ve faked. Several times.

8. My first fantasies about guys were the cool guys in school who all called me gay. I knew I liked women and yet would fantasize about them being rough with me, forcing me to suck them off, etc. It never happened, but it’s a fantasy that still rings true.

9. The first guy I let fuck me is also the largest cock I’ve had. It was one of the best sexual experiences I’ve had. Often I hate to bottom though because it doesn’t feel good.

10. I often hate topping men because of their body hair. It has caused me to lose my erection before I get it in.

11. Because of #9 and #10, I prefer sex with women (though love giving a guy oral sex).

12. My favorite sex ever? A woman with a strap-on. It’s a mixture of the physical and the mental as we cross gender boundaries left and right. My favorite image is of a femme-y woman with a strap-on as it double-crosses boundaries.

13. Ever since being a little boy, I’ve loved the smell of leather. I have no idea why. It is the easiest aphrodisiac for me to use to get an erection or orgasm, without a doubt.

14. My second biggest fetish? Hats. I know – it’s weird. Try finding hat porn. I don’t mean doing it with hats – but people wearing them.

15. I love roleplaying because my mind races – it allows me to engage the physical (sex) with mental and creativity.

16. I love vanilla sex because it allows me to please and be romantic and I’m a huuuuge romantic.

17. My cock, and my body, is average in almost every way. The only plus to my physical prowess is that I am curved ever so slightly so that it reaches just the right spot in men and women.

18. If I had to choose any sexual fetish/fantasy/role – I’d be a submissive. I love to be cared for and to please. It’s something I’d ask my partner to do for our entire relationship, if possible.

19. I also love being dominant, sometimes. Love it. And since I’m a good submissive, I know how to be a very good dominant.

20. I’ve enacted force roleplays with men and women and it has worked very well as the comfort has been established well before we play.

21. Safewords are vital and yet very rarely have I had to use one (or had one used when I’m the dom).

22. I often wish I was a girl – for the sex. Conversely, I love my cock and balls and would have a hard time giving them up.

23. I really hope I get to have a threesome before I get married. For what it’s worth, I hope to have 3 threesomes (MMF, MMM, MFF).

24. I’ve had sex (or sex acts) in plenty of public places (parks, churches, school buses, etc). I’m dying to join the Mile High Club.

25. On my wedding night, I hope to have really great vanilla sex. Food. Really great kinky sex. Water. Food. Massaging. And then whatever else.
1. I have had a much more boring sex life than most people who post here. The first time I masturbated I was eleven years old. I had been reading those "What's happening to my body?" books about puberty for boys. I remember I lay in bed and rubbed up against the bed sheet. The orgasm was so intense that it pulled every muscle in my body taut. It stayed that good for a while, but later I got used to it. Now I masturbate usually once a day and it's the same kind of routine like going to the bathroom or grabbing lunch. Now I only get that kind of orgasm with oral.

2. When I was twelve and thirteen I'd fantasize about girls in my classes. I stood in front of the shower and lined them up in my mind and fucked all of them, getting them all off before I came in my favorite.

3. My aunts made fun of me when they found the puberty books, saying I probably went straight to the small section they had about girls. I hadn't even thought of that, but then of course I looked. We had just gotten the internet, so I started exploring online, first with softcore and then got more and more explicit.

4. When I was fourteen years old after watching the movie "The Messenger" with Milla Jovovich I couldn't bring myself to masturbate for a month (ironically, just a couple years before I had scoured the internet looking for naked pictures of Milla after seeing "Fifth Element"). "Messenger" features a scene where the young Jen d'Arc hides in a cabinet while her sister gets a sword run through her (into the cabinet of course) to shut her up while some invading German type rapes her as she dies. I was horrified but also very carefully watching myself to make sure I wasn't turned on at all. I still remember a crawly feeling in my testicles. For a while after I managed to start masturbating again I had to keep my eyes open to keep from seeing that scene.

5. I read a lot of erotic stories. Once I read a story about a man who was tested in some pseudo religious voodoo tantric thing where he had to get his wife off without getting himself off in the process. He failed, so he had to watch the master priest (some well-hung black guy, naturally) fuck his wife and get her off many times before coming himself and getting her pregnant. The husband had to bear his shame constantly for the rest of his life every time he looked at his child. Even now, probably nine years after reading it and seeing the obvious hole in the plot, it still bothers me.

6. The first time I kissed a girl I was thirteen. She wouldn't let me do more than peck her until I was fourteen. We made out for the first time after seeing "Episode I" in the theater opening weekend. The first time I showed her my penis at age fifteen she froze immediately, in horror or fear or what I never did find out. She touched it hesitantly like it was some decomposing sea creature. That same night I talked her into letting me touch her. It was the first time I felt a girl's vagina. It felt weird but worthy of further investigation. I wouldn't lose my virginity for more than three years.

7. After a long time I talked her into giving me a real handjob. She still wouldn't look, so she would close her eyes or look away. I had to pull her hands off me at the last second and use a tissue to catch all the semen so she wouldn't get any on her.

8. For all my pushing, I refused to ever try to convince her to go all the way. I read a thing online (I think it's from the Red Cross) about how whenever you have sex with someone you are having sex with every person that person has ever had sex with. That made me very paranoid about where I was putting my penis, and I didn't want to push that kind of thing on her. One day, out of the blue, she said she wanted to have sex (sorry, "make love").

9. I lost my virginity at age eighteen in the same treehouse I'd had my sixth birthday party in.

10. We mostly had sex in my old house, because we were both homeschooled and could never get away from our parents any other way. It was dank and musty and unpleasant (I'm talking about the house... mostly). One time she sneezed and the force somehow crushed my penis and she squirted out a bunch of mucousy yellow stuff. I still fucked her after that.

11. We had sex less than a dozen times before she finally left me and ran off to another city with her girlfriend. The last time we were together we just gave each other oral. I still had to talk her into doing it, even then. She spit. Most of our sex life had been cyber- and phone-sex. She was never interested in anything without prompting (obviously). I think I instructed her through her first orgasm with an electric toothbrush. I always wondered if she'd been molested. Now I just figure she's a lesbian. To date I don't know if she's figured it out herself. Or she might be one of those few truly asexual people in the world. I don't know. Doesn't matter now.

12. The next time I was with a girl I was twenty-one. She never just kissed me without giving me full mouth-to-mouth. It was exhilarating. We made out on her stairs, but when I started feeling her up she stopped me. I don't think it's that she didn't want to rush, more that she wanted me to be in love with her before she'd go any farther.

13. That was the first time I lied to someone about loving them.

14. Talking to her was a chore, as she was not a native English speaker. I was only interested in her mouth for oral. She gave me the best blowjob I'd ever had. One night I found out she'd lied about her age and was more than twelve years older than me (she said she was twenty four). I left her then. I said it was because of the age but I was looking for a way out anyway. As a fuck buddy or a friend with benefits she was great to be around, but I couldn't stand the idea of being in a real relationship with her.

15. I wanted "one more for the road" so I came back another time after that night and she went down on me again. I cut off ties with her shortly after. I still feel like a jerk.

16. A few months later I met my second real girlfriend. She was with someone at the time, but the attraction was undeniable. One night she came over and we drank a little, but I was a perfect gentleman (a fact I don't think anyone subsequently believed). When I took her home, we both wanted to kiss each other, but we didn't. She said she was in a bad relationship, so I just figured I'd wait and catch her on the rebound.

17. Not long after I started traveling. A couple weeks into it she wanted to know if I was attracted to her. I said I was. We started cybering when I traveled. I never quite figured out what happened with the breakup, just that I almost lost my best friend over it. I was so lonely I was willing to do almost anything.

18. I was in Amsterdam before we got together, and my father offered me €50 to bang one of the prostitutes. I declined, partially because I just didn't want to, but mostly because I was loyal to someone who I'd only really had a relationship with online. I still feel a little stupid for the second part. Later I got stoned and ended up flirting with a really cute girl. She was the one I really regret not pursuing.

19. When I came back I could never really fall for her. Whatever magic we had that first night seemed to have dissipated. I still felt for the person on the screen, but I couldn't translate those feelings for the real person for months. That was the second time I lied about loving someone.

20. She was almost impossible to get off. Sometimes I would fuck her for fifteen minutes without even getting her close. I would get so sore that when I eventually did just let myself go it always hurt. Whenever she drank she'd get ravenously horny and make orgasm completely impossible. I began to dread her drinking. She always said it was fine, that I could just get myself off and it wasn't a big deal. I never believed it. Though, now that I'm writing this I'm beginning to see where I got the obsession of getting a girl off.

21. Combining the fact that she was hard to get off with her refusing to shave under any circumstances, going down on her was incredibly arduous. I only did it a few times. Of course getting her off by hand was out of the question. As a result she naturally refused to do anything of the sort for me. I didn't bother asking.

22. One time the condom slipped off after I came and we had to run to get Plan B at night when only the Wal-Mart pharmacy was open. She didn't say a word to me for a week after that. I figured we were through, but we stayed together for another couple months. I don't know if that's when it was really over though.

23. The last two times we were together she didn't even bother trying attempt getting off. She used her vibrator after I was done. I got the message.

24. Right after my first girlfriend left me I had bought a Fleshlight that I didn't like, so I never used it. I got a different insert after I broke up with this one. It was awesome. After laboring at sex for so long it was like a breath of fresh air, even if I was by myself. I fantasized about fucking a girl I met a couple times on my counter. She was skinny enough that it would have worked (being anorexically skinny has got to be good for something). We never got that far.

25. My current girlfriend is awesome. I can get her off multiple times without even working for it, and she goes down on me with zero prompting. It's gotten me wondering if this is what sex is supposed to be like. She's the first person I ever considered having sex with while not using a condom.
1. I remember taking a shower with my mom. I do not know how old I was but I remember it. She had big boobs and a dark hairy bush. It was the 70’s. That is all I remember.
2. I started masturbating when I was like nine or ten to my dads skin magazines. I remember reading about ejaculation but that didn't happen until I was 12.
3. A number of boys in the neighborhood used to masturbate together, I was never invited and that bothered me. I thought why would you want to do that with other boys? I was just bothered that I wasn't invited.
4. I would think about sex all the time and then this girl in the neighborhood asked me one day, "Do you ever think about sex?" We were twelve and would go to this fort we had in the field across from my house and just lay there holding each other, kissing, and feeling each other up and down underneath our clothes.
5. I used to put things up my ass when I was younger and really liked it.
6. I lost my virginity when I was 19, I thought it was late for a guy… She just got me high and seduced me.
7. I used to be tormented by thoughts I was gay. I never masturbated to guys or even thought that way, I just obsessed that I was gay. Some suggested I try it to find out, but for me I do not think it would have helped at the time. As I have grown older I am more OK with my thoughts and fantasies, because that is what they are, thoughts and fantasies, not actions. One event that I believed helped me through this was seeing two friends kiss. Many guys have the MFF fantasy, or two girl lesbian fantasy, watching them. Well my friends were in my car, they are lesbians and they started making out. Not that it grossed me out, it was just weird and in some ways did not seem right. So seeing that helped me realize that fantasy does not always equal reality.
8. I believe I date raped a girl in college or at least forced myself on her. We were hot, heavy, and naked in my car and that part was willing, but looking back I believed I forced the issue. This has been a recent revelation and I feel really guilty about it. Ashamed is more like it. I wish I could apologize or take it back.
9. I have always thought my penis was too small, however after reading this blog I have felt better about myself.
10. I masturbate at least every day, many time multiple times. Sometimes I can waste many hours looking at and reading porn. I wish I could find a woman to masturbate with regularly.
11. I have slept with several virgins. One of which was my fiancé. She believed in no vaginal sex before marriage. We used to do everything but vaginal intercourse. She then asked if I wanted to try anal. So we used to do that all the time. It was fun but she was not that into sex. I am glad it broke off before the wedding.
12. I have slept with 60+ women, much older (20 years) and younger (10 years) than myself. It was all good. I think I now prefer women about my age, however being 41, I desire a purely sexual relationship with a woman in her 20’s.
13. I have not had any threesomes or moresomes. For me I think it would be sensory overload. I would like to have the experience to say I did it, however it is not high on the list of priorities. In addition the people I know who have had them seem to be more about bragging rights than “This was the greatest experience ever!”
14. I have fantasized about having sex with a man and have gone as far a placing an ad on Craigslist, but I do not think I can or would act on it. I enjoyed the emails with some men as it was erotic--nice to be desired. Fear of disease and/or someone becoming violent are a large deterrent.
15. I will occasionally use bananas on myself, fantasizing that a well-endowed man is taking me from behind. I really like the feeling and would like to try it with someone I completely trust. Perhaps I will be seduced one day under the perfect circumstances and allow it to happen. I want him to be large though...
16. I have been with a few married women. I really struggle with this. Although it is very exciting at the time I often feel guilty afterwards.
17. One married woman is really into S&M and bondage. Wants me to do things to her and build a dungeon. I really do not get it... I really like some good old fashioned fucking, sometimes soft and gentle, sometimes hard and occasionally getting a little wilder. Who knows, maybe I'll progress up to the other stuff.
18. I wonder if any of my students fantasize about me.
19. Although many of my female students are attractive, legal and wear revealing clothes I do not think I would ever touch them. Aside from putting my professional life in jeopardy, I would not want to damage them in any way. None of the men I work with ever talk about this that I know of... There must be feelings stirred in them as well. Older male teachers I have spoken to in the past have said it used to be a contest to see how many students they could sleep with.
20. I wish I had a regular sleeping partner who I could continue to explore my sexuality with now.
21. I love going down on a woman, though sometimes it takes a long time... Now I know how some women feel.
22. I do not like 69 that much, not that it doesn’t feel that good, it is just too intense and I cannot concentrate.
23. I sometimes wish I could just say to some women I know I want to have sex with them. Some of them are very attractive but are in relationships. I will often fantasize about them when alone. I want to know how they feel, taste, and sound.
24. I love the female body. All shapes and sizes and really think they are beautiful. Some male bodies are nice too, but I only feel this way occasionally.
25. Reading this blog has made me more comfortable with my sexuality and feeling about myself, making me feel not so much like a freak and more normal than anything. It is not comparing myself to the other posts, it is just that we all have thoughts and actions and feeling about ourselves that maybe never get shared. I feel relief, happy, and a little more comfortable in my skin.