Thursday, April 30, 2009

1. I love how I feel when I have sex but I hate knowing that no guy I've slept with has ever loved me. Even those who cared didn't love me.
2. I've slept with over 15 men but I never admit to all of them. How many I admit varies according to who am I confessing to but usually the number is around 4 because I can't deny them.
3. I'm a slut with a heart of gold but I know things are never like the movies. However, I still want to sleep with a man regardless of how soon and have him still love me. This is why I look at them at the eyes while I blow them, after I read that makes a man love you. I know it isn't so but blowing men makes me the happiest of all.
4. I can come through vaginal intercourse, even the first time I had sex, however, I fear it might attach me to the guy I am with. I've done my whole sexual life (5 years) because my first time when I was about to cum I literally got up and said I'd blow him instead.
5. The last guy I had sex with was the biggest guy I have ever seen and nothing made more proud than his face when I put his entire dick in my mouth without gagging.
6. Although I'm not particularly attracted to girls or have even experimented with girls, I still think about them when I'm masturbating.
7. I masturbate at least once a day because otherwise my head is not clear. I also do it whenever I'm at home because I hate how I feel at home.
8. I've said I love you but I know I haven't felt it. Still I like pretending I do and that whoever I'm having sex with. I fear that I'll settle for any man who holds my hand during sex or kisses me for hours instead of being with someone who really loves me. yet I have no qualms of sleeping too early with men, which disqualifies me for a serious relationship.
9. I'm ashamed of sending this list because people always mention things like BDSM or are really explicit, whereas all I can talk about is how I feel while I'm having sex.
10. I was first into heavy petting when I was about 11 with a boy who was a couple of years older than me. With him I learned it felt good, however, I also learned how to keep going with the touching but never looking at his face. I don't know how to figuratively look at someone's face yet. Last guy I was with I thought I'd be able to until he said he would never want anything serious with me so I offered to be his fuck buddy.
11. I'm bipolar and that's why I act like I do. Never attach yourself in order to avoid suffering as well as the suffering of others and jump from guy to guy. I've been aware of this since I was a kid, and although I don't qualify as promiscuous I still have an inability to slow down with a guy so he can do whatever it is he is supposed to do in order to take me seriously.
12. I don't believe in the rules I'm supposed to follow, such as never go out with him two days in a row, but deep down I know it's what I'm supposed to do. Supposing aside, nothing is better than knowing someone just the right amount so we can have chemistry and fire. My last guy hated me when he met me and one night we talked for hours when he kissed me. All that kept us from having sex was that we heard his sister waking up... I don't think I could have stopped myself and I didn't even like him at the time; I just missed sex.
13. I read this blog as well as other columns about sex because I'm obsessed with it. I think the reason I talk so much is so I can stop thinking about it. The smell that a room gets after people have been there, how a man's hairy body can squash me gently and how a man's back looks like. Watching them leave turns me on I guess because I love shoulders and arms.
14. Although I've never been molested, sometimes I wonder if this would explain how I am or maybe excuse it somehow, because I can't understand why I still do the things I do. Sex makes me so happy, yet I feel like I don't respect myself most of the time.
15. I don't have a specific type of man. All I ask for is someone who smells good because I don't even want someone who'll speak to me. Luckily I've never had a man disappoint me in this but I always feel like I fail them, which is why I don't like oral sex on me. I feel like it smells horrible and he won't say anything because he'd rather sacrifice breathing for a few minutes instead of a full fuck. Another reason I don't like oral sex is because I always want to pee and I'd hate to pee on anyone's mouth.
16. My longest relationship was 6 months long and I never slept with him. Sex wasn't even part of the equation because I asked him that I wanted to wait a year before sleeping with him and he agreed. He cheated on me several times and when I found out he confessed he loved me but he still needed the sex.
17. I'm always wet but whenever a guy I like touches me, even innocuously, I go into overdrive and literally wet my underwear a little. Along with the wetting I get chills that run all over my body.
18. I talk about sex openly and answer almost any question someone makes me but I lie all the time. Usually I lie because I'm embarrassed but lately I lie because it's what I've always done. I believe some of my lies sometimes because otherwise I need to admit I'm lonely instead of a liberated woman with control over her body.
19. Although I'm not violent outside the bedroom I love getting spanked and dominated. I'm an admitted bottom and all I want is a man who'll control me. Secretly, I want someone to be my pause but men don't like keeping a woman who'll challenge how much of a man they are even if she worships everything in their body that makes them a man like body hair, large hands and broad shoulders.
20. My therapist thinks I can lead a normal life but I know I can't because I'm still making the same mistakes I did when I was younger. My last attempt at a relationship was less than a month long and I put everything on it. It was my chance to show myself and even others I could restrain myself but I couldn't. I hate admitting that I think that I can't so I should avoid sex altogether or get a fuck buddy.
21. I've never been with the same partner more than 10 times even though they are always impressed with what I can do.
22. When I'm not with someone I never think about the men around me. Instead I think about the men I've been with, especially the last one, because I can still feel him touching me. I can close my eyes any given moment and feel that last man next to my body. I've only been medicated for a few months so this shouldn't affect it but sometimes I think this makes me nutty.
23. I've never had even an attempt at romance while having sex and that hurts a little. Because the first couple of men I was with never did that I still say I don't like mushy gestures but I secretly envy my friends who have boyfriends who walk with them holding hands and send them flowers and fill their rooms with balloons for Valentine's day.
24. I flirt shamelessly when I need something but I never want anything sexual from these men. I've never been on a real date because I know that men just want to get in my pants. I'm so cynical I don't give any man a chance or even myself.
25. I'm crying as I write this list up but I'm almost sure the guy I offered the fuck buddy status will say yes so I can feel better again.

1. I'm 25 and I've had sex with two people. I've kissed 6ish.
2. I need an emotional connection for sex. Despite that, I have much better sex with the person I'm dating only casually and with no commitment than with my boyfriend of 4 years.
3. I greatly prefer sex with the person who has made me orgasm only once.
4. I prefer giving blowjobs on my knees, but both of the boys I've given it to thought I was too much of a feminist to want to do it that way.
5. I've only ever orgasmed from oral sex. I lose patience with masturbation and I haven't figured out to get myself there during intercourse. I've come close, though.
6. I often stop people giving me oral sex quickly because I don't want to make them do it for too long.
7. I love kissing and would stop having sex immediately with someone who refused to kiss me during. I'm often disappointed when it's time to move on from kissing to sex.
8. I enjoy the cuddling that comes after just as much as the sex. Spooning and staying up too late because we couldn't stop talking on two different occasions are two of my favorite memories with my current sex partner. Despite these last two, I love sex and want it as often as physically possible with my current sex partner.
9. I love sleeping in the same bed with someone, even though I never sleep as well that way. Even if the person is just a friend.
10. I stayed in a bad-sex relationship for 4 years because I didn't think there was anything more. I'm grateful to my current sex partner with for ensuring that I'll never do that again.
11. I've had sex with every person but one that I've more-than-kissed.
12. I had my first real kiss at 18 and sex for the first time at 20. We had been dating for a whole year. With my current sex partner, we'd been dating less than a month and weren't even telling our mutual friends yet.
13. After I broke up with the boyfriend of 4 years, it took me almost 2 years to have sex with someone else.
14. I wish I could have casual sex, but judging from my reaction to the boy I used to make out with in college, I'm completely incapable of it. Even my current sex partner was made "boyfriend" because I wouldn't keep sleeping with him otherwise.
15. My nipples are very small, and I'm thankful that neither of my sex partners has seen that as a reason to ignore them. But I was terrified when each of the boys saw them for the first time.
16. Facial hair and smoking are my two biggest turnoffs. A crush on a cute boy is dissolved instantly if I see him smoking. And if my first sex partner knew how many times he didn't get any solely because he hadn't shaved that day, he'd regret it.
17. My favorite position with my first partner was missionary, but I prefer to be on top with my second.
18. I worry that my current sex partner doesn't respect me because we had sex too fast, even though he's never given any such indication and calls me "beautiful" and "sexy."
19. At first, I was shocked when my current sex partner wanted to have sex more than once in a night and then again in the morning. Due to my experience with person #1, I thought I had far too low a sex drive for that. Eventually he proved me wrong.
20. One of my greatest fantasies is to have sex on a beach, but I've turned down all three opportunities I had for it. I want to go camping at a specific campground in the Virgin Islands because I want to have sex in one of their tents on the beach.
21. I have no interest in regular porn and have never watched it. But I've watched BDSM porn online... even though I'd never do it in real life. I enjoyed being spanked by the second boy I had sex with, though.
22. I've been broken up with sex partner #1 for years now, but still read his IMs with his new girlfriend. I get secret satisfaction out of seeing how little he's changed.
23. My boyfriend of 4 years begged for a long time to have sex in the shower. I gave him a blow job once but that was it. With my current sex partner, we took a shower together the very first time we had sex.
24. I had sex about as many times in 3 years with the first boy as in 6 months with the second.
25. I have no desire to try anal sex. Maybe because the first boy I slept with asked me to do it all the time.
1. Like most boys, I discovered the joys of masturbation when I was around 11. Stole porn mags from Dad and older brothers. Mother yelling through bathroom door as to why I am taking such long showers and in an old hay barn loft down the road were common scenarios of my youth.
2. At 45, I am masturbating now more then I did as a teenager. On one hand, that is good because it is in spite of being on blood pressure & diabetic meds that are suppose to dampen my libido. I attribute it to taking up jogging and exercising that last 2-3 years. On the other hand I have been married 11 years and the wife has lost all desire for sex.
3. I lied all my life as to when I first had sex. I always had a story as to when I was 17, but I was actually 21 and in the Navy at the time. I was quite drunk but remember it still. Mostly because of the first experience of going down on the girl and her being “not so fresh” that I had to keep from gagging. I was a trooper though and kept with it. It was miracle that I developed a taste for it eventually, but it was many years later that I did.
4. On a whim, mostly because I was in rut, as I had no particular predilection for nudity, I went with a work friend to a nudist resort. It forever changed what I found most attractive in women. From then on my top criteria was women who were ok with their naked body. That’s it. Didn’t matter what they looked like, what size, just being comfortable in their own skin. That narrows the field considerably because I have met so many with various hang-ups about their body.
5. Years in the Navy did not really afford me much experience. A few one night stands here and there, prostitutes in foreign lands, but no relationships to speak of till I got out. I have had only 2 relationships. A girlfriend for 3-4 years after I got out of the Navy and the wife now of 11 years. It was the girlfriend who taught me to be a lover. Control, taking it slow, working up to it were among the lessons and I have thanked her since. She broke up with me after I had given permission for her to sleep with another when I was out of town. Made me regret that decision but I did get solace when she said it was the single biggest mistake of her life.
6. The proceeding years from when I was in my early 30s, I moved to a new state and was once again back to irregular one night stands. The dawn of internet and AOL contributed to some of my success in getting laid. I had more confidence in myself but I never slept with anyone more than once. I always felt guilty afterwards because I knew I did not have feelings for them and I was afraid they might get feelings for me. It was at a party that I had met my future wife. She was with someone else at the time but the sole thing that really attracted me to her was the ease with which we talked for hours. That was the spark.
7. The first few years of marriage the sex was great. She had lived as a lesbian for many years so there was many adventures we had. The ones with other couples were not very good overall, but a couple threesomes, M-F-F were very good, despite that I was banned from screwing another girl in front of her because she could not handle that. Much of the great sex was fueled by drugs though, and as such, they could not last. As the drugs were put aside so the sex faded away over a few years.
8. Porn. I had a computer when the internet was just starting and what did you use it for? Porn, of course. I went through periods where I just liked to see everything, no matter how extreme. Scat, watersports, BDSM, gay, animals, etc. Not that I was necessarily turned on, as it was just to satisfy curiosity. These days I really only peruse only a couple sites, one with true amateurs where they send in pics of their wives and girlfriends. I especially like to see those 35 and older, no matter what shape they are in, though it makes me jealous and hurt that I don’t have a partner that wants sex. It helps me picture woman naked which I do ALL the time. The other porn I like is spanking. More on that later.
9. I like to eat pussy. I never had the bad experience like the first time again. In fact, I would say all the ones I had were real clean, even too clean. I like some muskiness as it goes straight to my cock. Times that I wanted to go down on girlfriend or wife after they had done some sweaty activity was always turned down as it always grossed them out. I think that is largely a universal thing with women.
10. I have no hang-ups about gay/bi sex. I have tried it. Sucking cock does not do anything for me but receiving certainly beats jacking off. It's been many years, but I think it's an option as there is no chance man will get emotionally attached about it and from looking online, there are a bunch of married guys out there using that option because they are not getting it at home.
11. Have had the wife and girlfriend anally before. I liked it a lot but to be honest it is more a mental thing than the sensation. Can’t beat pussy. Have also received with strapon/dildo. I liked that too if in the right mood. I tended to be more submissive in the early days but that has changed 180.
12. I try not to pressure the wife about sex but I think it comes out that way after a couple months. I don’t blame her as I know it is mostly because of her medication. She has suggested before, half jokingly, that maybe I should look elsewhere, as long as she never knows about it.
13. I have cheated with 2 different girls in the last 12 years marriage. Couple times with a girl from work. I finally succumbed after over a year she was hitting on me. I regret that, but she never had multi orgasms before. All I really did was pay attention to her needs. The wand didn’t hurt either.
14. The other one I cheated with was my ex-girlfriend. We seem to find each other every few years and give each other what we are need of and don’t get otherwise. I can’t bring myself to regret and not just because it was the best sex I ever had.
15. I believe there is truth that one looks for one’s mother’s traits when seeking a mate. My mother was very forward and definitely had her own opinion on things despite having grown up in a male dominated society. Having all male siblings, we were raised to cook/clean and take care of our selves and never expect a woman to do so. I gravitated towards strong-willed women as a result and the relationships I had, we were always equals, at least in the beginning.
16. As I ended up taking on more and more responsibility within the marriage my ideas changed. Out of frustration and brainstorming ways to hold her accountable to doing her share of chores, I stumbled upon the idea of domestic discipline. I was utterly fascinated with the idea of the willing wife, submitting, especially for the spanking part, though I also understood the immense responsibility you take on with this lifestyle.
17. What I also found fascinating exploring some for the domestic discipline sites was that for the majority of couples, it was the female who wanted the lifestyle and they often had to talk their mates into it. I had no such luck and have given up really trying because I realize it is something that has to be willingly given, not coerced. I still believe I am worthy and deserving of my “propers,” as I like to say. I still secretly hope for that one time, that one opportunity should it arise because I honestly believe it would really help her.
18. If I was single now, there is no doubt in my mind that I would have to have a “head of household” type relationship. I suspect I would be lonely for awhile, but then again, after reading here and other places, there seems to be a real desire for the type of men who are comfortable being in charge and know what they want.
19. Though most all my fantasies involve older, average looking women, I do sometimes have a fantasy of teaching sex to a younger, early 20s, shy, homely girl. I think I would be a great, patient teacher.
20. I wish the idea of “friends with benefits” was more prevalent back in the day. I wonder what it would it would be like to have a polyamory relationship. That fantasy only coincides with me winning the lottery fantasy.
21. If I had to pick one part of the anatomy I like best, it would be the butt. I love all things about it. I love to squeeze it, hug it, lick it, spank it, etc., etc.
22. I used to fantasize that I would take a list of all fetishes and such and just work my way down the list whether or not I like them or not just to say that “yeah, I did that.”
23. I usually masturbate watching videos on the computer. Sometimes in the bed, even when the wife is sleeping. Every once in awhile I put a small dildo in my bum and put the wand vibrator against it. That’s always a toe curler.
24. Water and swimming, especially in the ocean, has the side effect of making me horny later. Not sure why, but it is still true today as it was when I was 9.
25. I actually now fantasize about my wife these days. I never used to do that.