Friday, March 16, 2012

1. At one point I really felt I should identify as bi, or queer... but I have realized I am not. I do believe that attraction can happen with anyone of any gender, and I have been attracted to women and transgender folks. I have only kissed women – drunkenly, and in my early 20s, which doesn't really matter, or count. I remain open to the possibilities, but I don't seek them out. I occasionally fantasize about women. Boobs can get me off. Ultimately though, I know my strong preference is for men. I like penises. A lot.

2. Being a serious fan of the penis, oral sex is important to me. I am terribly disappointed when I have a partner who doesn't care for blow jobs (yes, such men exist). I love giving blow jobs. It's a major turn on for me. I love pleasuring someone else, and I love the reaction from my partner. I love learning just how my partner likes to be touched, and bringing pleasure with just my mouth. I like knowing my way around my partner's cock. I discovered recently that I also adore an uncircumcised penis. Honestly, it seemed like he derived a bit more, or perhaps a different sort of pleasure than the cut boys. It also adds a new dimension to the blow job, some added pleasure assistance with the foreskin.

3. I love having sex; it is important to me. My reserved nature and mild seriousness around new people belies my sexual appetite and joy about it. Sex is fun, and I want it in my life forever.

4. I enjoy and watch porn. This was not always the case. When I was younger I had some judgements against porn, but it was knee-jerk, and slightly one-sided. I had never really been a consumer of porn at that point, though I have always been a supporter of sex workers. I don't care for really mainstream porn—bleach-blonde hair, fake tits, and close-up penetration shots do nothing for me. I watch amateur porn the most, and enjoy feminist and lady-produced porn. I also enjoy well-made dirty pictures often.

5. One of my very favorite things to watch (in amateur porn) is men masturbating. Oh, how I love it. I like hearing and watching them come, and love seeing how different men touch themselves. There is such a variety! It's definitely very aural for me--hearing moans of pleasure and climax will push me to come. A partner once told me that I touched his cock as if I'd had my own before (it was a compliment). I think I can owe that to all the male masturbation videos I watch, and a bit of gay porn too.

6. I feel like I have so much left to experience or explore sexually. One day I want a wholly trusted, long term sexual partner to truly explore with.

7. I was in a long-term relationship of nearly seven years. We did not have sex for five of those years (I know. I can hear your shocked gasps from here). There wasn't any sex outside of the relationship for either of us. I have a hard time understanding or explaining what this was all about. I claimed for several years to be fine with the situation, and in the beginning it had been my feelings that led to me avoiding sex. I had no sex drive, and I just didn't want to bother at all--it seemed a bother for me. My simplest analysis tells me that I was experiencing a very long period of depression. I didn't recognize my complete lack of sexuality as a symptom at the time. Toward the end of the relationship I began to realize that our lack of sex and passion was not normal or healthy. I tried to encourage having sex again, but I was too late... my partner had come to love me in a very non-sexual way, and had no sexual interest in me. We were deteriorating fast.

8. Luckily, this relationship ended. I proceeded to jump headlong into dating, and fucking everyone. I hungered to feel sexual, sexy, and fuck-able. I was lonely. I learned a lot. This was my first time having sex in my 30s, and it was great! I had a few one-night-stands, and dated/continuously fucked a few others for 2-3 months. I was really after sex. I greatly enjoyed almost all of the sex I had (sadly, sometimes there are duds), and succeeded in developing sexual confidence. It eventually started to feel even more lonely, though--trying to seek closeness through sex. I've calmed down now. I really do value those times, and getting a grip on who I am sexually--learning what works and what doesn't. I am certainly a sexual being, and I know this as truth now; I value it.

9. I have had 20 sexual partners in my life (intercourse), nine of them in the last year and a half since my LTR ended. Damn! I don't wish to continue at that rate, but I absolutely don't regret those experiences.

10. I have never personally encountered an STD. I am a fortunate lady.

11. I did not enjoy sex with high school boyfriends (2), and we only had sex a handful of times. I refused sex with my first love at 18. I hadn't enjoyed my previous experiences with others, and this love of mine never had condoms, so I wouldn't let anything happen. We had a terrible break-up. I was 20 the first time I had sex with someone because I really wanted it, and was prepared for it (on pills).

12. Generally, I have a hard time coming with partners. I have never had an orgasm from vaginal penetration, and really don't understand how that's possible without simultaneous clitoral stimulation. Only two partners have made me come (that's sad!). One, my long term partner, made me come orally when we were still having sex early on. Every time. The other in my early 20s made me come while he was inside me, but we were in a good position (sitting up) to have my clit stimulated. Very unexpectedly, I came. Despite very rare orgasms with partners, I usually feel very satisfied. I have never faked it, and never will. I don't see the worth in that, it's just lying.

13. I didn't have sex doggy-style until I was 34. Can you imagine?! I think I always felt like it would be demeaning somehow? It's not, and I like it very much.

14. My sex is vanilla, but varied. I'd like to explore more. Some things I'd like to try with a future partner: sex in a public place, sex outdoors, light bondage, some light dominance play, incorporating toys. I'd also go for some fantasies/role play depending on what the fella has in mind.

15. A recent partner really wanted to have anal sex. I'm just not really interested. The feeling of fullness associated with this type of penetration only feels good to me up to a point, like beginning and ending at a finger. I won't deny that feels good for a change of pace.

16. I have masturbated since a very young age. I was probably about 11 or 12 when I could identify what I was doing as masturbation. I would sometimes feel guilty, but mostly I just really enjoyed it, and found coming to be kind of soothing. I would look at pictures of celebrities in my Bop magazines. I had fantasies about my junior high crushes too... I don't remember what they were.

17. For years I was exclusively a pillow/blanket/towel humper. In my teens I practiced kissing on my stuffed bear while I masturbated, a foreplay of sorts. I was used to having orgasms while on my belly, and I never touched myself with my fingers—I didn't know what was what down there for a long time. I've always envied that boys could so easily see what they were doing when they masturbated.

18. I started to finger myself in my 20s at some point. It felt good, but humping would still be necessary to get me off. I finally came with my fingers, and on my back, when I was 30 or so. I liked it, and it become my preferred way to come--though I rarely masturbated at that time. When I was on my own again, I purchased a vibrator. I had wanted one since my early 20s, but never had the nerve to let my former boyfriend know about it. Anyway, I got a simple one a year and a half ago, and love it. I don't think I can masturbate without it.

19. A couple of my short term partners wanted to include it in sex, but we never got to it.

20. I really look forward to a future partner to explore with, and have sex with regularly. I do long to connect sexually with someone I care deeply about. I want to give and share with someone in this way. I know I need to be able to share this in my next relationship. I look forward to good, healthy sex.

21. I like sex a little rough. Hence #14, and wanting a little dominance play. I like a partner who feels the desire to fuck the shit out of me in many different positions. Having my hair pulled on, my neck grabbed, being held down, and oh, biting. These are all turn-ons. My nipples are also a direct link to my arousal, a little pinching in addition to licking and sucking, is heaven.

22. I have been told that I am a good kisser, a good snuggler and back scratcher, that I give excellent head, that I am sexy, that my tits are fantastic (I'm self-conscious because they are large), and that my pussy gets very wet, and tight. Maybe all the ladies are told this. I like hearing these things, and maybe I hope all the ladies are told this if it is true. I like hearing about what's turning my partner on.

23. Penis size is usually not an issue to me. A really skinny cock is what I have found to be most disappointing. But even short cocks are fine, it's all about how you use it. As long as his desire is there, and it's hard, I'm happy. Since I haven't mentioned it, and I'm coming up on 25 things, I like jizz. Coming in my mouth is fine. I have no problem swallowing, and feel kind of like a badass when I do. With vaginal sex, I do prefer to have my partner come inside me. I don't like a physical disconnection at that moment. Maybe that's why I swallow.

24. I like receiving oral as much as I like giving. I find 69 distracting though, and I'm not that into it. I like for us both to have individual time. I have found that some men have a hard time just receiving. I don't really understand it. I think they really, really don't want to come off as selfish in bed which I can appreciate, but a lady like me really, really wants the chance to please too.

25. I think going down on a lady is really tricky, as we are all so different. What gets one off every time may absolutely not work, or even irritate another. I don't really like have my clit sucked, actually I think I hate it. I need slow and steady work on my pussy, and I feel like many guys think fast and furious is the answer. I think most porn perpetuates that idea, because in mainstream porn ladies aren't really having their needs met. Maybe fast and flick-y is great for some. Not for me. To orgasm with oral I need time to teach, or luckily just come across a slow one. Having a tongue inside my pussy is divine, but I don't get it much. Just another reason I look forward to that regular sex partner in the future. Readers: This was fun, and this blog is a great idea. Do it! I love reading lists from straight men here--it can be difficult to get this kind of info out of them, and I love reading what they really feel and think about sex.