Sunday, July 1, 2012

1.      I am an 18-year-old cisgender female in the USA. I call myself panromantic and pansexual. Romantically, I can see myself in a relationship with any gender, even though I have never been in a relationship with anyone but cisgender males. Sexually, I am open to everyone regardless of sex or gender, although I find myself to be more often physically attracted to men. But generally I don’t like dealing with labels. I like who I like, and that’s that.

2.      My first time having PIV sex was when I was 16 with my boyfriend (18) at the time. We had sex in the passenger seat of his car on New Year’s Eve. Everyone had told me it was a big deal to lose my virginity and that it should be special. After it happened, I was hardly affected. I understand how it can be a big deal to some people, but to me, it was just another experience. Other times were much more memorable.

3.      I went on birth control pills shortly after losing my virginity. Not to regulate my period, not to help my skin. I went on birth control because I didn’t want to get pregnant. I got it from the Teen Health Center at my school. When I told my mom I’d had sex, she said she would rather I didn’t have sex, but she told me that if I am going to be doing adult activities, I had to make adult decisions. So birth control. I recently had an IUD put in, since I will be going to college in the fall and I want reliable birth control that I won’t have to remember to take every day.

4.      I have had PIV sex with 2 guys. The first one was a boyfriend, as said above. The most recent one is someone who considers me as just a friend.

5.      I have had sexual contact (fingering, oral sex, “third base”) with 5 guys (this number includes the guys I’ve had PIV sex with). 3 were boyfriends. I have kissed 7 guys; 4 were boyfriends. Just throwing some numbers around, probably unnecessarily.

6.      Between my two sexual partners, I had a 9-month break without sex with a boyfriend in between (6 months, no sex, everything but). After that relationship ended, I sought someone to have sex with as a hook-up or “fuck buddy” type relationship. I ended up getting to “third base” with a guy and we ended up just not having sex. I had a few weeks before beginning a sexual relationship with my friend.

7.      I didn’t really crave sex until after my 6-month relationship ended. I went about 7 months without any sex and I was fine.  After getting my IUD inserted, I didn’t have sex for 2 weeks because of the irregular bleeding, and I craved sex the entire time. I thought this sudden craving for sex was surprising, considering it didn’t bother me during the longer time span. I don’t know if this is because the sex is better with my friend, it’s just chance, or if I’ve just been way hornier. Whichever way, body cravings are strange.

8.      I have never had the opportunity to have sex with a woman, but I have made out with 2. One was when I was 12 or 13 and she was one of my best friends at the time. We had a sleepover, both said we didn’t understand the big deal about first kisses, and started kissing. The other is my friend’s girlfriend. We made out in front of him a few times just for entertainment's sake.

9.      I have always been very confident in myself and my sexuality. I’ve always been very open to expressing my sexuality and intimate details about my life. I have very few things that are complete secrets. I like giving people advice, and I answer almost any question people ask me about my sex life. I really enjoy talking about sex, and I think I often make people uncomfortable because I am so comfortable talking about a subject many consider taboo.

10.     I started masturbating really early. I think I was probably about 6 or 7. I remember touching myself and humping a pillow and knowing it felt good. I didn’t know what I was doing, but it felt good, so could it be wrong? I think I began consciously masturbating at about 12 or 13. The number of times I masturbate in a week varies a lot. Sometimes it will be once a day, and other times it will be once every week or two.

11.     According to most of my friends, I’m a big flirt. I flirt with almost all of the guys I know, even though I’m not sexually or romantically attracted to them. There are a few guys I know I do not flirt with for different reasons. My “friend zone” is very small and difficult to get into. I flirt because it’s fun. But I’m such an outgoing person that often my advances are taken as flirting versus me just being friendly and open. I am also a very touchy person, though. I hug everyone, and I awkwardly stroke my friends and hold their hands because it’s fun. I do all of this, but then I lead people on. I have rejected quite a few people, and I feel sad that the friendships I had with those people will never be quite the same.

12.     As open as I am about my sex life and history and the factual aspects of my life with everyone, I find it really hard to talk about romantic feelings with a person I am romantically interested in. Sounds stupid, doesn’t it? I should just learn how to tell people how I feel. It would make having sexual relationships easier if the people knew how I honestly felt.

13.     I have always liked the idea of casual sex. Sex without strings, not having to worry about the other person's feelings. I think it’s an excellent way to release and express oneself, but I don’t think it should replace committed relationships, as I enjoy having one person to have sex with as well as enjoy the company of. And there is something special about having meaningful sex.

14.     That being said, I don’t think I could ever truly do a “friends with benefits” relationship type thing and have it work long term. I’ve never had a “fuck buddy,” but I’m fairly certain I could maintain that kind of set up. I like the idea of having a good friend that you just happen to be sleeping with. The only way I could do a “friends with benefits” thing would be if I was allowed to sleep with other people and the other person wasn’t. Otherwise I would get jealous. I’d rather have a “friends with benefits” relationship that was exclusive. But if I had an emotional or mental connection with the person, I would start to develop romantic feelings for him or her. This is what I’ve experienced in my “friends with benefits” (if I had to label it, for lack of a better term) type relationship I’ve had.

15.     The idea of period sex really grosses me out. I shouldn’t be grossed out by my own body, but for some reason, having sex on my period sounds unappealing. I have had sex while I was on my period ONCE, and I said “ew” the entire time. I doubt I will do it again (at least until I’m in a long-term monogamous relationship).

16.     I think the idea of having a threesome sounds fun. I don’t know if it’s a fantasy, but it’s something I hope to get a chance to do. I’d love to have the opportunity. I think having either 2 men or having 1 guy and 1 girl plus me both sound fun.

17.     I haven’t experienced bondage, but I think it’s really hot. I’m not into hardcore BDSM, but I’m really turned on by the idea of having my hands tied or being blindfolded. I really like the idea of being restrained. It sounds so hot, not being able to use my hands to express how I’m feeling. I like the idea of being blindfolded and having to rely on other senses to feel what’s going on.

18.     I like it rough sometimes. Sometime I’d like to be pushed down on the bed or up against a wall and fucked.

19.     I have never liked blowjobs. They just aren’t pleasant and not fun. But recently I discovered, while spending time with my friend, that I do like giving blowjobs if I’m in the right mood for it and if I have the right kind of connection with the person.

20.     I don’t like being eaten out. I don’t know if this is because the one guy that has ever done it wasn’t good at it or if it’s because I just don’t like it. But I didn’t find it to be anything special. It wasn’t unpleasant, but it did nothing for me. I got bored.

21.     Anal is something that has always sort of scared me. I would be open to trying it at some point in my life, but I’m worried I’ll tear something. Plus the idea of fecal matter getting everywhere seems kind of gross to me. But who knows, I’ll never know unless I try it.

22.     I understand that boobs are fun to play with. But not very often does having my boobs touched turn me on or feel like anything better than just having my boobs touched. I’d rather have my neck kissed and touched. I know a lot of people that think this is gross and weird, but it’s actually just really hot. I like having my neck sucked on. It feels good.

23.     I have never had sex under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

24.     I love the sound of people climaxing. It’s amazingly hot to hear a person completely let go in the heat of the moment. I don’t like the overly exaggerated sounds porn stars make, but listening to someone masturbating or having sex is a really big turn on.

25.     Finally… I’ve never orgasmed. Sex, masturbation, etc. all still feel really good, but I don’t get that mind-blowing feeling and the huge release that supposedly people feel. I feel a point where the good feeling reaches a maximum point before falling back down, but I can just sort of decide when I want/need to stop. I hope at some point in the future I will be able to experience the orgasm that everyone raves about.