Friday, February 13, 2009

1. The first thing I ever used to masturbate (by squeezing my thighs around something pressed against me) was a rope swing. Second, my blankie. Third, a pole on the playground and the avocado tree in my backyard. Then I moved onto insertable things like hairbrush handles and nail polish bottles. Unfortunately, there was one nail polish bottle that I used with a sharp edge at the top, and it cut me up a bit. Years later, I had a gyno ask me tentatively why there was so much scar tissue in my vagina. I blamed Revlon.

2. In high school, I wouldn't commit to anyone about if I were gay or straight. Not even to myself. I just called myself "open" and let people think what they would. So, that's how I was treated as a gay for a year. It sucked! I've still not really committed, but if statistics mean anything, I'm pretty damned hetero.

3. I like my breasts handled roughly, but I loathe nipple torture. I've only used my safeword a couple of times and once was because there were what felt like two tiny, live alligator/pit bull hybrids latched onto them.

4. About the safeword, I don't really put myself into those situations anymore, but I liked the concept a lot. Sometimes I wish there was a safeword for emotional masochists, like me. My favorite safeword was actually an 8 gauge silver ring that I held in my hand. Since I wasn't able to speak or vocalize anything, if it was too much, I was to drop the ring.

5. I lost my virginity in the back of a car, while listening to the soundtrack of a movie that featured Kevin Costner and a bunch of wolves. The boy was wearing a lime green pair of bikini undies.

6. Breath control excites me and has ever since a pre-teen slumber party during which we tried to make ourselves pass out.

7. I've written m-preg slash fiction. Twice. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's when a gay male character gets mysteriously pregnant.

8. I am really, REALLY bad at talking dirty. I feel like I could be great at it, with the right person, but I've found that if I just go on sexy auto-pilot and talk dirty to someone else like I talk dirty in my head ... it's awful. Awkward and stilted at best, upsetting and boner-killing at worst.

9. The first threesome I had was also in a car, but this time it was while listening to the theme from Shaft. The M in our MFF threesome was a not-super-famous pro-skateboarder who wound up talking about the whole ridiculous experience (see later items in this list) in a big, glossy skateboarding magazine. He didn't mention our names, but it was pretty clear to anyone who knew him (or me) who he was talking about.

10. I've only had one guy plead "gay" to me, when faced with my courting attempts. We hooked up a couple of times, he pleaded gay, and then he hooked up with a girl who could fit into Bebe. I guess he was just being polite? I've never pleaded gay, though, for the record. Possibly because I'm not gay, but ... still. I used to sort of fetishize gay dudes for my self—you know, the whole challenge aspect—but it ended with that experience.

11. I think that the sexual position of lying on your stomach with your ass lifted off the bed/floor/whatever, ideally with a fistful of your hair captured into someone's hand, is really underrated. It's like, a step up from missionary in complexity, but oh lord.

12. I use porn when I can't think of anything good. I always have. Sometimes, I am full of fantasies and it's months of very little internet porn. But other times, like recently, I watch porn so I don't have to think about anyone in specific.

13. Regarding porn, I don't download it. I don't see the point. There are streaming little snippets and full movies everywhere and I don't typically rewatch anything. I like very little plot or foreplay, so my viewing sessions skip around a lot. This makes for sort of listless orgasms, sadly, but a lack of imagination makes for a listless orgasm anyway.

14. Sometimes my fantasies are so fucking awful and depraved and illegal and immoral and person-specific that I can't tell if I'm turned on, or if I'm about to break down and sob. It's almost impossible to relate these fantasies to anyone, mostly because there's typically a lot of backstory, and even if it were possible, I don't think I want to. Being asked what I'm thinking is terrifying. I usually lie.

15. There's a scene in The Entity, starring Barbara Hershey, that served as my favorite sex scene for a couple of months. If you don't know the movie, it's a semi-true story about a woman who was raped (violently, repeatedly) by a ghost in her house.

16. Not too long ago, I met a guy on a dating service and chatted with him for a few days. We made plans to meet, specifically for sex, so I didn't see any harm in letting him direct me via IM (from his work) while I masturbated for him on cam. It was all very hot, but on the day we were supposed to meet at a hotel, he disappeared completely.

17. Most of the mainstream stuff that I'm supposed to think is sexy, I do not. But every now and then, I'll see a pair of shoes or a hairstyle or a smirk, and there's something about its undefinable, innate sexiness that makes me wet.

18. I'm soppy. Almost all the time, but constantly and copiously when I've got someone that I'm fantasizing about. However, there's something about my girljuice that totally EATS the fabric of my underwear. Seriously. I don't know if I'm acidic or what. So, you know, there's good news and bad news there.

19. Mainstream fetishes don't really work for me, either. If a guy wanted to worship my feet, I'd kinda skeeve out on him. If he wanted me to wear a schoolgirl outfit, I might oblige, but if he wanted to roleplay teacher/student, I don't think I could hang. A one-night-stand recently wanted me to call him daddy during sex and all I can say is that it's a good thing it was dark in my room and that I was facing away from him, because I could barely contain my laughter.

20. I've just recently realized that I'm super turned on by the "sleeping beauty" trope of a guy messing around with a girl as she sleeps, or is otherwise unconscious. Not too long after this realization, I experienced a memory of playing pretend with my childhood best friend (a lesbian, even back then) in which I was a wife who kept passing out and had to be carried everywhere and performed sex acts while sleeping. I don't know what it means, but I suspect "lazy."

22. There are a half a dozen photos of me naked floating around in the world, very few of them digital. There are no movies, as far as I know, and I've been watched (by a not-involved person in the same room) as I had sex only three times—again, as far as I know.

23. I like sex on drugs. If I hadn't been vomiting so violently, I think I would have liked doing it while on peyote.

24. My favorite voyeurism (print, media, in-person) experiences usually peak out while centered on the unselfconscious expression on a girl's face that makes it clear that this is a) not very comfortable, b) not very fun, or c) not at all what she agreed to/was expecting.

25. I wasn't sexually abused as a child. I have no idea why I'm so dirty and why my fantasies are so abusive.
1. I am a 31 year old woman. I lost my virginity when I was 27.

2. I can squirt when I masturbate. The puddle smells like flowers. I've only ever squirted twice while having sex with someone.

3. My favorite sex toy is a silver bullet. I've gone through several. The first one I ever got I won in a Toys in Bableand giveaway. My cat has chewed the cord on a few, so I have to be careful to put it away when I am done.

4. Once, my cat jumped between my naked legs when I was masturbating, and it freaked me out. Now I almost always do it under the covers if I am at home.

5. I started masturbating when I was probably about 10 years old. When Church told me it was wrong a few years later, I first tried to convince myself that I wasn't really masturbating because I wasn't penetrating myself. Then I accepted it; I'd been doing it for too long already to ever stop.

6. I have had sex with a man who took off the condom during sex without my knowledge. This has happened with two different men. Both times happened in the doggy-style position. I am still jumpy about having sex in that position.

7. If pressed to describe my orientation, I say, "I'm straight. I just have sex with women sometimes."

8. I could be having a lot more casual sex than I do. Sometimes I do, but it's not all it's cracked up to be.

9. I prefer intercourse to oral sex.

10. I had a lot of sex last year, but very little kissing and making out. I've made a resolution to make out more this year because I really like kissing someone that turns me on. So far, I've had a bunch of sex and no making out. It's been a lot harder to find someone I want to make out with than to have sex with.

11. Most of my sexual partners have been people I have had sex with only 1 time.

12. The first private orgy I went to induced a panic attack. Now I go to them and feel much more comfortable.

13. The third time I ever used my strap on, I fucked a guy with a gigantic dildo that he had. He told me it was one of the best fucks he'd ever had.

14. I am still trying to figure out what sexual things turn me on the most. I consider myself to still be in the thick of an experimental phase, and boy am I.

15. In the time since I lost my virginity, there was a period where I didn't have sex for a year and a half because I didn't trust myself to choose suitable partners. (See #6.) I learned a lot in that year and a half.

16. I use the Nuvaring for birth control. I don't have unprotected intercourse with anyone; I just really really really don't want to get pregnant.

17. I've always had fantasies about doing it in semi-public places (not out in the open, but where we could potentially be caught).

18. When I have a particularly erotic thought about large breasts, I sneeze.

19. The STD I worry the most about catching is genital herpes. I do not have it, as of six months ago when I was last tested.

20. Before I ever gave my first blow job, the thing I worried about the most was how much sperm was going to come out and whether I'd choke on it because it was too much.

21. The best kisser I ever kissed lives across the country from me. I hope to get the opportunity to kiss him again.

22. Well into my twenties, every time I'd orgasm, I'd think, "THIS is the BEST orgasm I have EVER had! EVER! WOW!" Sometimes it still feels like that. I've grown to appreciate that there are many kinds of orgasms.

23. I'm hornier in the morning than in the evening. My ideal partner will be a man who will wake up in the morning, make a trip to the bathroom and brush his teeth while he's there (I'll do the same), and come back to bed and have awesome sex with me.

24. I don't expect to have orgasms during intercourse, and I am OK with that. For me, that is not the point of intercourse.

25. I still masturbate to many of the same fantasties I had when I was a much younger girl.
1 - i think that i'm a prude.
2 - i only feel comfortable talking about sex anonymously.
3 - sex is a very private experience
4 - at times spiritual
5 - and spiritual experiences are always like sex
6 - invigorating refreshing exhausting and yes, please
7 - down and out drag down dirty hard and i don't want to but i know it's good for me
8 - like brussels sprouts, but covered in butter to sweeten the deal
9 - i'm kinky
10 - my kink changes as i change
11 - my favorite position for finishing intercourse is missionary
12 - i can orgasm from eating a strawberry
13 - or a peach
14 - or an ocean breeze and a child's laugh
15 - pure sweet innocent source
16 - when i need to turn myself on, i try to win at something
17 - i make up the game, and the rules, just hard enough but not too much to win.
18 - i turn myself off when i compare myself to others
19 - tall short skinny fat beautiful small breasts
20 - i married the second man i'd ever slept with
21 - we divorced
22 - after that, i then stopped counting sexual encounters
23 - i believe that cheating isn't sexual
24 - it's cerebral
25 - the sexiest part of any human being
1. I find that #1 on a 25 things list about sex is really challenging, because I'm afraid it will say something about me somehow "more" than the other numbers, so I'm fudging it.

2. I have historically felt emotionally safer with men, but am currently more sexually attracted to women.

3. I think that figuring out one's sexual orientation is a totally different thing from figuring out sex, the activity.

4. I am currently involved in two relationships with two lovers on the side. Two are men, and two are women. They all know about each other and it's all cool. And that makes me happy.

5. I'm insanely attracted to people who have well-balanced masculine and feminine qualities. Androgyny is hawt.

6. I don't have intercourse often and I get confused when asked if I've "had sex" with someone. Do they mean intercourse? Orgasms? Hours of sensual massage? I'm not being coy... I really don't know.

7. I hate the phrase "losing your virginity" and can work myself into a huge tizzy over it.

8. I was 20 before I had intercourse, but between 16 and 20 I had a decent amount of sex. This probably explains a lot about the previous two statements.

9. At the moment, I can't imagine fucking bio-cock without using a condom.

10. When I was younger, I was mostly attracted to people's intellect and the sexual element followed. As I got older, I started to be attracted to people's hearts, combined with their intellect, with the sexual element following. Since hitting 30, I find I can be attracted on all three levels initially, and feel I'm lucky to have such a wide variety of sensations and attractions that come from that.

11. Well over half the men I've dated have had a thing for feet. I find this to be a harmless fetish and though I don't personally have an opinion one way or another about feet, I find that I like playing with men who have foot fetishes.

12. I really dislike casual sex.

13. I regularly go to parties where people are publicly having sex, but I almost never do anything but dance, cuddle or socialize there.

14. I believe in sexual freedom and abundance, but not sexual free-for-alls. Boundaries are our friends, people!

15. I love teaching people about sex and helping to legitimize their desires.

16. I love strap-on sex.

17. And using hands in sex.

18. The three months of celibacy I took while being in a relationship, and the three years I took of being intentionally single taught me as much about my sexuality as some of my best sexual relationships. I think knowing where you don't want to be having sex is as important as knowing where you do. It takes both presence and absence to make up a whole.

19. I like sex that is honest, playful, ridiculous and/or healing. I dislike sex that is goal-oriented or is taken too seriously.

20. I look forward to the day that people are as mindful about their sexuality and sexual self-expression as they're starting to be about food. But with less judgment.

21. I find it amusing to think of myself as kinky (even though I definitely am) because my kink is mixed with so much humor and silliness. That whole "Mistress of Darkness" thing just totally doesn't work for me, but I'd be happy to tie you up and smack you around while wearing my Rainbow Brite tights.

22. I have a lover who calls me Daddy, and I think it's really hot.

23. Power exchange both fascinates and frightens me. This seems like a good reason to explore it.

24. I prefer sober sex, but making out while stoned is a lot of fun.

25. I have an amazing community of sex-positive friends, which means I've seen most of my friends fuck in some way. The range of human sexual expression never ceases to amaze me, nor what's possible when people really care about each other.