Saturday, January 7, 2012

1. I am a 33-year-old, married, mostly straight Canadian man.

2. I say "mostly" because when I was 26 I went over to a guy's house that I saw on cam and tried giving him oral. I didn't enjoy it like I expected, and definitely didn't enjoy how he rubbed my cock.

3. Nonetheless, I will watch gay porn on occaision, and always find hung guys sexy.

4. I think part of that has to do with my size. I'm just over 4 inches hard, and thin. So my fantasies for a long time have revolved around giving the women in my life the size they "deserve."

5. I think my size fetish came from 3 experiences at a younger age: 1) accidentally flashing my friends (including girls) at a party in middle school 2) the woman who took my virginity in Grade 10 had a black friend she crushed on before being with me that she'd talk about to make me jealous 3) I soon thereafter started my lifelong fascination with interracial porn.

6. As I said, I lost my virginity at 16 to a neighbor I was dating. We were having trouble and she said we shouldn't break up because she wanted to have sex. So we didn't, and spent the next few weeks sneaking out and having sex.

7. I wasn't attracted to her all that much but I wanted to experience sex and so did she. She's the only woman who let me try anal; the only woman I've played with in public; only woman I've been with who's seemed to enjoy oral; the only woman who felt "loose" around my penis; and holds my personal record for most sex in one day (I came 10 times).

8. I left her for my first love a few months later - a woman I'd eventually never sleep with, but who could soak a bed with her wetness when I fingered her.

9. I've only had sex with three different women. I regret that somewhat, as I feel I've missed out on some fun and personal learning.

10. I've had two woman "put on the brakes" when they saw I was smaller. Both times were in university when I was single.

11. I had a long-term girlfriend in years 2 to 4 of college. You could hear her neighbor next door in the dorm having sex with a bouncer friend. It turned me on, so much so that I got into searching for erotic sex sounds online. So much so that I'd sit in my bedroom closet and listen to my own roommate have sex with different women.

12. I did a few times go in after they had left the apartment and smelled the sheets/bedding of where they just had sex.

13. The noises women make during sex remains a turn-on.

14. The three women I've had sex with have all enjoyed it. I'm a giver (I love oral sex) and I can last a long time. I've never struggled giving women orgasms.

15. My wife and I have been together 7 years and she still turns me on.

16. However, she hates oral sex.

17. And never initiates sex - sex and fun are not a priority for her, as she's a hard-working professional.

18. Thus I have a healthy fantasy life online, watching cams (men and women), porn and cyber-sexing.

19. I'd barely do any of #18 if my wife wanted as much sex as I do.

20. I fantasize about other men - hung, muscular, dominant older or younger men - pleasing her instead.

21. I know she has a thing for black men, although she's too conservative to pursue it.

22. One of the hottest things she ever told me was how, at a Vegas work convention, she and her colleagues went dancing, and this black guy was grinding on her.

23. Early on in our dating life, I found artsy naked photos of a colleague of hers that she'd taken. She had a falling out with the friend over it, as he'd crossed a boundary. Still, I found it hot that another man had tried to seduce my woman, and that she'd taken a picture of his perfectly average penis.

24. I wish my wife and I communicated better about sex. It's a work in progress and I know we'll sort it out because we're very much in love and devoted to one another. I want to see her happy and vice versa.

25. I probably "edge" too much, turning reasonable 20 minute masturbation sessions into 1, 2, 3, 4.... 8-hour marathons. In fact, I've been late to work because I was jerking off.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

1. I'm female and totally happy with being so. I don't want to be male, I like having boobs and a vag. While I've had the occasional penis dream, it's more of a curious oddity for me than anything I want. I do wonder what it feels like to have one, but I don't want to get one ever.

2. I'm bisexual, though I tend to lean more toward men.

3. I'm technically bisexual but due to fairly recent traumatic experiences with women in relationships, I feel no drive to be with one and greatly distrust females, particularly dominant ones. I'm still interested in women in the fantasy realm, but in the real world it's not something I'm ready for at the moment.

4. I'm tokophobic, meaning that I'm afraid of pregnancy and childbirth, to the point where I would be a suicide risk if I ever became pregnant. I don't trust my birth control and had a total mental breakdown when I thought I might be pregnant.

5. Literature is way sexier than pictures most of the time, and both of those are far, far better than movies. However, I sometimes find that if a story is too well written, I can't masturbate to it - the writing sucks me in so I'm enraptured by the story.

6. I have a very hard time reaching orgasm, especially if someone else is playing with me. I require a very specific mental image and stimulation to get there and pure stimulation will rarely, if ever, get me off. Multiple orgasms don't exist in my world.

7. About half the time, I cry when I orgasm if someone else caused it. I never cry if I bring myself to it. It's a really deep crying too, seriously sobbing.

8. My first real ventures into the BDSM realm were through Gor, and I still hold onto a good part of that heritage. While I'm not purely Gorean I do have a deep connection with it. I can talk the talk and walk the walk, and still enjoy hanging out with other Goreans.

9. I don't like having my nipples played with. They're oversensitive, and even a bit of play throws me into a weird funk which is hard to get out of.

10. I've had sex (defined as vaginal, anal or oral intercourse) with four people - three male, one female. The first time I had sex was about two weeks after I turned 18, and it was with a guy I met at my then-domme's wedding.

11. I'm a very tactile person - I love hugging, cuddling or rubbing up against people, especially to tease them.

12. I identify as a slave in the BDSM realm and have had the feelings that I now know are submissive desires since I was very young. I have had a Master and still have something of one. He makes me feel like nothing else has ever come close to making me feel, and I love being around him.

13. I'm definitely an exhibitionist. While I blush and act embarrassed, knowing that people are watching me play or do whatever gives me an incredible rush. I love public play parties, as I'm also something of a voyeur as well, and they present the perfect give and take of watching and being watched.

14. While I do brat a bit, I'm not a dominant or a top by any stretch of the imagination. I mostly like to kick doms I know consent around to get a reaction by pretending to top them. The sheer pleasure of teasing them gives me a high like you wouldn't imagine.

15. Consensual nonconsent is my thing. To get off, there has to be some element of nonconsent, even if it's as light as being held down and struggling a bit. Running around, fighting, grappling people and getting my ass beat, as well as occasionally beating theirs, is the real thing that gets me.

16. Pain and I have a complicated relationship. While I do enjoy it to some degree, I'm not a masochist. I don't want to be beaten black and blue and I have to be warmed up to take more than a minimal amount. I prefer floggers, some singletails and bare hand spanking.

17. The idea of a guy just undoing his pants and taking me is totally hot. The lack of care, the power of him being clothed and me not being is incredible to me. It's another facet of the nonconsent element I need in my sex life to get anything out of it.

18. I dislike being given oral. I get yeast and urinary infections like you wouldn't believe, so the idea of having someone's dirty mouth down there makes me cringe. I'd much rather give than receive.

19. Online role-playing is an important part of my sex life. It seems weird, but it allows me both the experience of having a situation that would never happen in the real world and a chance to work on my writing skills. I find writing a sex scene with someone more emotionally satisfying than actual sex many times.

20. The list of nonhuman creatures I've fantasized about is a mile long and mostly aliens or monsters, including plants. One of my favorite fantasies is being fucked by a giant alien insect. I have no clue why I find it hot, but I do. I've had some vivid dreams about being screwed by these types of creatures as well.

21. I'm very much a people-pleaser and it comes out in my sex life. I'd rather be doing things for others most of the time than have anything done to me.

22. I'm not one to just lay around after sex. Most of the time I'm up in a few minutes and ready to do something else, unless cuddling is offered. If cuddling is offered, I'll get up once to pee and then the next few hours are out of the window.

23. I hate being prompted to come up with ideas for play or sex. It puts me on the spot and makes me really uncomfortable because I never like any of my own ideas. I do have desires, but usually when I'm with someone I'm close to, my primary drive is to please them.

24. Dressing up is awesome. If a scene requires costuming, I'm all over it. People who wear elaborate costumes during a scene or sex, or who really get into a character, are incredibly attractive and floor me, especially if they put on an accent for the occasion.

25. I'm polyamorous and believe that loving freely can really solve a lot of the world's relationship problems, and that jealousy isn't exactly natural. Embracing and loving openly is beautiful to me.