Saturday, May 21, 2011

1. I am a 19-year-old, queer, genderqueer individual.

2. I'm biologically female. Sometimes I am comfortable with this, other times I am not. My partner and I have talked about either of us transitioning. We both say it could happen, but I'm usually pretty content with being a short, small-breasted female who sometimes gets mistaken for a 15-year-old boy.

3. I've been with my current partner for 10 months. We are in a monogamous, committed relationship. I can honestly see it lasting many years, if not my entire life.

4. I had my first kiss with a boy when I was 13. I lost my virginity with my partner when I was 18.

5. For me, queer means that I prefer androgynous people. I can appreciate the "traditional," cis-gendered female form, I just couldn't be in a relationship with one. I'm attracted to gay men, though not sexually.

6. My partner is very androgynous and I love it, even though I know my family and friends don't.

7. My parents and friends think I am a lesbian. Only my partner and people in my online circles know how I truly identify.

8. I love sex. I am horny very often and masturbate almost every day.

9. Masturbating isn't about orgasming for me. I just enjoy touching myself. Though it often does lead me to orgasm.

10. I am completely submissive when having sex. My partner uses a dildo/strap-on on me, goes down on me, and uses her fingers.

11. I once came to orgasm when she was sucking on my stomach.

12. I enjoy porn, but do not go looking for it. I can get off to mostly anything, but I love erotica most.

13. I love just spending time in bed with my partner, or alone.

14. I'm often confused about my sexuality.

15. I like wearing things that my partner finds sexy. She likes me in garter belts and thongs, but also in baggy jeans and plain shirts.

16. I don't really have any interest in fucking someone, or being dominant. I feel as though that sounds selfish, but my partner has no interest in being submissive, so it works out perfectly.

17. I enjoy kinky sex. I love, love being bitten and sucked on and I love having hickeys. I like getting bruises from sex and the idea of getting injured during sex (not seriously, of course). I think I'm too silly a person to participate in role-play. I love dildos and have a bad habit of window-shopping online for them.

18. I started masturbating at a very young age, before I even knew what I was doing. I first penetrated myself when I was 15.

19. My partner and I have discussed the topic of anal, though we haven't done it yet. I'd love to try it once, just to see if I like it or not.

20. I have small breasts, but my partner loves them. She has small hands and they fit perfectly.

21. My partner and I have a 3-year age difference. I see nothing wrong with this.

22. I love "sexting" and talking dirty.

23. I love when I touch my own nipples and they get hard and "bumpy."

24. I knew I was attracted to females when I was about fourteen, but I didn't come out until I was 18.

25. I wish I was braver in experimenting with my gender presentation. People in my town are not liberal and assume everyone is straight.

Friday, May 20, 2011

1. I’m a 22-year-old female who is straight, and has only been with one person who is my current boyfriend. We have been together for about 1 year and four months. My entry will be almost a chronological story, as I find it’s the easiest way to write my experiences. It will also be quite detailed, as I actually don’t have anybody to talk about this stuff with (apart from my boyfriend of course). I’m a private person when it comes to my sex life.

2. I always seemed to have crushes on boys when I was growing up. Every year of school I had a crush on one boy or another. My first crush was on a boy in kindergarten, so I would have been 4, then! However I was very naive, and if one of them showed an interest in me I would shy away completely. When I was 12 I was playing a game with my best friend (a boy, also 12) and my younger sister and I had to hide in a cupboard with my best friend. He ended up kissing my ear and my neck, and at the time I freaked out majorly and didn’t like it at all!

3. I first started masturbating when I was 12/13. I started humping the head of a teddy bear (yes, you heard right!). It felt good but I was always incredibly guilty about it. Sex wasn’t talked about openly in our household and I was always a bit sickened by the way my parents talked about sex with their friends.

4. I was 13 when I had my first orgasm. My sister and I shared a bunk bed at the time and I was on the top bunk. I used the teddy bear pressed between the bed and my clit, and I remember it being the most amazing feeling. It felt too good. I was scared she heard me but to this day I’m not sure. She did catch me humping my bear once in one of the other rooms in the house, and she asked me if I ever came and I lied and said I didn’t. She said she sometimes did the same thing. This is the one and only time we’ve come close to talking about our experiences!

5. Since my first orgasm I’ve used the same technique to masturbate. Basically like pillow humping but instead of a pillow it’s a stuffed toy bear or occasionally a quilt. I especially like it when the nose of the teddy bear is pressed against my clit, and I’ll position the bear on the edge of a chair, or my bed, and I don’t need to move around much, just the pressure is enough to make me come. In fact, disappointingly this is almost the only way I can come, although I do come very quickly and it can be quite intense if I’m turned on enough.

6. The biggest turn-ons for me are reading smutty fanfiction or novels, and watching people in movies and TV having sex and moaning. A few years ago I got into watching Beautiful Agony. I find that site has turned me on more than anything else. I particularly enjoy watching the women come more than men. I’m not homosexual at all, but I think it’s because I’m a woman myself, so I can relate to them and know exactly what they’re feeling. I’m not a fan of porn otherwise. I prefer watching their faces on BA and fantasizing about how they’re masturbating rather than actually seeing how they are.

7. I also have a bit of a fascination with breasts. I don’t want to touch them or anything but I like looking at them. I’ve always compared my breasts with others since mine are quite small and I’ve always been jealous of women who can get cleavage, ‘cause I can’t!

8. It took me the longest time before I was brave enough to finger myself. Sounds crazy but I was always a bit scared about it. I hate the look of genitalia, even my own, so maybe that’s why? I had never used tampons for that reason (I still don’t, but it’s because I can’t be bothered with them). I think I was in my late teens when I fingered myself for the first time. It was rather liberating.

9. I have tried to make myself come by fingering myself but I ended up peeing, and it put me off completely so I haven’t tried it since. I have also tried clitoral stimulation with my fingers. I came close once, but I got too frustrated waiting to come so I just resorted back to my humping technique. It is obviously the best way to orgasm for me.

10. I never had a boyfriend (or first kiss) until I was 21. I felt inadequate for the longest time, wondering WHY nobody liked me ‘that way.’ I sometimes blamed it on the fact that I have small breasts, or my average looks. I’m actually glad I had to wait so long now, as it was worth it. And I don’t think I was mature enough for a boyfriend when I was a teenager.

11. My first and current boyfriend I met on the internet. We were from the same state and the same age, but were living in different towns. We talked for ages and ages online before we admitted we liked each other and wanted to meet in real life. He talked about wanting to do certain things with me, and it was the strangest feeling hearing that. I actually felt wanted; I had never felt that way before. I told him I had never done ‘anything’ before and he said he was willing to wait for me. (He was a virgin too, which was comforting, although he had done some other ‘stuff’ with previous girlfriends, all short-term relationships). Once we met in real life he moved to my city. It was 6 months into our relationship before we actually had sex. Yes, I made him wait that long... I’m not sure how he survived but it is a testament to him and our relationship that he loved me enough to wait.

12. Before we had sex we experimented in other ways together. I never thought I would be brave enough to do some of the things I have, especially because of my lack of experience. The first time we met I had never felt more comfortable in my entire life, it was strange but awesome. I thought I would be a lot more nervous and awkward.

13. From the outset I realised he was a very passionate and intense person and got turned on very quickly (he’s a true Scorpio!). Even when we first met, he had erections even while we were standing up and making out! It made me feel good that I could turn him on like that.

14. We became very good at dry-humping with our clothes on before we had sex. In fact we still do it as a precursor to intercourse. It’s a great way of turning us both on completely. I just love feeling his erection, and knowing that I’m making him feel good. I was a bit stunned at the time that I, Miss No Experience, could do that. But that’s one of my favorite things to do, turning him on, and making him come.

15. Eventually, I gained some confidence and moved on to hand jobs, and apparently I’m really good at that too. I never liked to look at his penis if I could help it... I think it all comes down to not liking the look of genitalia, as I said earlier. It’s probably a reason why I’ve never shaved my vagina, because I don’t want to see all the bits!

16.I’m not a huge fan of oral sex (on myself). It just feels weird to me and I am too nervous about it to properly enjoy it. My boyfriend knows this and hasn’t done it for a long time now. I have, however, given him blow jobs. I’m surprised I do because I swore on my life I would never give anyone a blow job (the thought of it was “really gross”) but lo and behold, things change as you get older! I don’t like doing it all the time, but every now and again I feel like doing it and he says I’m amazing at it, which is quite comforting. It’s not as bad as I thought it would be. I have never let him come in my mouth, though – that disgusts the crap out of me. He said he would like to come in my mouth but I’m not sure if I will ever let him. It kind of makes me feel guilty.

17. The first time we had sex it hurt like a bat out of hell because I was so tight and nervous! In fact it hurt so much that he never entered me completely and therefore never came himself, which I felt bad about but he said I shouldn’t feel bad. It was only after the third time that sex started to feel good for me.

18.I have never come during sexual intercourse but it doesn’t really bother me so much. I enjoy sex for the emotional intensity it brings and I absolutely LOVE it when he tells me he’s coming. Penetration DOES feel good for me even though I don’t come. We are also big on kissing during sex, which I love as well. I love kissing – and I’m making up for the fact I was never kissed for the first 21 years of my life!

19. We’re a bit of a vanilla couple and alternate between missionary and me-on-top positions, but I don’t mind too much. We have tried shower sex, against-the-wall sex and doggy style, all which I enjoyed but it was surprisingly hard to do. We’re basically still a young couple, and continuing to experiment. One thing we will never do is anal. My boyfriend doesn’t like the idea at all and I’m also turned off by it. One of my favorite things is morning sex. I just love how we don’t care how bad our breath is, we just want to make out and make each other feel good. I quite enjoy rough/hard sex, too.

20. His penis isn’t very long, but it’s quite thick, which suits me. I’m not fussed at how big he is. It still feels good to me when we have sex. He doesn’t care that my breasts are small, so likewise I don’t care that his penis is.

21. He has only made me come twice before – just by clitoral stimulation. I never thought I’d be able to come differently than to how I’m used to, but I did. It took a lot of rubbing of my clit but it finally paid off. Unfortunately this is a rare event, and sometimes I get frustrated and I think he gets frustrated when he teases my clit for ages and nothing seems to happen. I get very turned on but eventually I feel raw and tell him to stop. I envy those women who can come quite easily this way, when I can’t.

22. I have a fantasy about masturbating the way I do, and my boyfriend entering me from behind. I wonder when I will work up the courage to tell him that’s what I’d like to try! I’m still a tad shy about these things. But we have plenty of time to figure things out.

23. This leads me onto the fact that I’d be happy if my current boyfriend was the only man I was ever with for the rest of my life. I’m quite sentimental like that. We are both strong believers in monogamy. My Dad was my Mum’s first love and they’ve been together over 25 years now and I really admire them for that.

24. Randomly, I’d love to own a vibrator but I am far too embarrassed to order one, even from online.

25. Lastly, some of the best sex my boyfriend and I have had was in November last year. I didn’t see him for three weeks because we took a bit of a break from each other for certain reasons, but when we got back together the feeling was electric. We had sex about three times over that weekend (that’s enough for us!) but it was extremely satisfying. In fact some of our best sexual experiences have been after we haven’t seen each other for a week or two, and our want for each other is sky high.

Monday, May 16, 2011

1) I'm a 23-year-old bisexual woman with a high sex drive.

2) I had precocious puberty and had sexual feelings without realizing what they were from a very young age. I used to wonder why watching Zack and Kelly make out on Saved By the Bell always made me want to pee. I had to start wearing a bra at the age of 8 and started my period at 10 after two years on the same hormonal treatment they give to pedophiles for chemical castration. My first sex ed class came after my period, so I had no idea why my vagina was bleeding. I felt quite ashamed of my period for several years and once went without a pad all day at school because I was too embarrassed to go to the office and ask for one. I would have obsessive crushes on boys, but they all liked the smaller girls. At school dances in middle school the boys' heads were at breast-level.

3) When I was 12 I met a boy who was two years older than me and taller than me who I liked. He adored me and made me feel beautiful for the first time in my life. We never did anything more than brief kisses, dancing, hand-holding and cuddling. He turned me on a lot, but I was much too afraid of my own sexuality at that time to do anything about it. I broke up with him because I thought God was telling me to.

4) When I was 14 I took a vow of chastity. Later that year I realized for the first time that I had a crush on a girl. She was 18 and ended up being the first person I french kissed. We were going to Rocky Horror Picture Show. We were in a water bed with five other people. I was the only female who wasn't topless. A 19-year-old guy touched my breast before even kissing me. Afterwords I felt horrible about it, but couldn't help fantasizing about it as I sat in church at the same time.

5) When I was 15 I fell in love with another girl. It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever experienced. It made me begin to question my political and religious assumptions. We would make out for hours in her car nearly every day. I wouldn't let her sleep over at my house because I still had my vow of chastity; however, I wasn't afraid that she would go to far, but rather that I would. We enjoyed biting each other.

6) I didn't know I had a clitoris till I was 16. I learned this when I began watching the Sunday Night Sex Show. It was what sex ed should be - straightforward information about sex that had no judgmental tone. After I learned this I began experimenting with masturbation. However, at the time I didn't like to think of it as such. I thought of it as 'exploring my body', and avoided having orgasms because then I'd really be masturbating, which I thought was wrong. I began reading erotica and fantasized about girls I would talk to online. Once I became slightly more comfortable with the idea of masturbation I started using my electric toothbrush to get off. It felt really good, but would eventually hurt and occasionally I'd use it so much I'd bleed. Luckily I eventually stumbled across a web site that always has a free sex toy on offer for the price of shipping and handling. This is where most of my vibrators have come from.

7) I went to university abroad and had my first serious boyfriend at 18. The first time I touched his cock I cried. He hadn't forced me in any way. I was just so conflicted about my own sexuality that it was deeply upsetting to me. Eventually we got to the point where we would be naked together a lot and touch each other, but I wouldn't let us have oral or penile-vaginal sex. He was a 24-year-old virgin and for ages after breaking up with him I would fantasize about showing up at his place and sucking his cock.

8) At 19 I had oral sex for the first time, after forsaking my vow and most of my Christianity, in a drunken one-night-stand with a 37-year-old police officer who was hot and had several tattoos. However, it was rather rapey and I still feel a little weird about it. He stuck his cock in my face after we'd been making out for awhile. I said no. The next thing I knew he was going down on me. I don't really remember how it got to that. He stuck his finger up my ass without any lube, but even that registered only a vague sensation of, "huh, that's a unique feeling." When he stuck his cock in my face again I complied and evidently gave him good enough head for him to not believe that it was my first time even after I cried directly afterwords. I slept next to him and we had oral sex again the next morning because I'd been curious about it for ages and figured that since I'd already done it once I might as well do it again. At that point in time I was concerned about keeping my number of sexual partners to a minimum. I told him not to stick his finger in my ass again because he'd made me bleed, but he still tried. Ass.

9) That same year I became interested in BDSM after playing a dominatrix in a gothic rendition of Shakespeare's Twelfth Night. I first suspected that I might be a bit sadistic when I felt compelled to ask a guy out after we'd blocked a scene in which I flogged him to the ground, then dragged him back up by his collar. Sadly, he wasn't really a masochist. I then met a guy online and began exploring pain and control. It was also my first open relationship. We switched with each other, but I always preferred dominating him even though I liked receiving pain. My first threesome was with him and a girl I had dated for a few months the year before. I dated the two of them for awhile, but it soon fizzled with them both.

10) I then met up with a male dominant who I'd been chatting to online. I didn't expect anything to happen because I 'knew' that I was dominant and he was too. However, I was attracted to him and knew that the only way I could be with him was by submitting. He also had a lot more experience of BDSM than I did and I didn't really know the first thing about domming someone, so I wanted to learn from him. I enjoyed being his pet. I had my first orgasm from pain, got throatfucked a few times a week, dressed up for him, and generally had fun. But it didn't feel like something I could do long-term (and he was leaving at the end of the year in any case).

11) While I was with my first and only Master, I was chatting with another guy with whom I fell in love (my Master and I had an open relationship). We were both switches and being with him was very liberating. I had my first penile-vaginal intercourse with him and came twice my very first time. He taught me that I'm multi-orgasmic and a gusher. He helped me feel like sex and kink weren't dirty and shameful - that I could be loved by someone wonderful and still be libidinous and creative in the bedroom. But eventually he got depressed and we stopped having sex. We were monogamous. I started feeling unwanted and undesirable, and eventually had to end it.

12) After that I concluded monogamy wasn't for me. I've never cheated on a partner and am perfectly capable of monogamy, but just don't like it very much. Sometimes I feel somewhat bad about being the stereotypical greedy bisexual. I really do want to be able to be with men and women, and yes, sometimes even at the same time. However, I also really enjoy alone time with whomever I'm seeing. I generally prefer one-on-one sex, but threesomes (and maybe someday group sex) are a fun way to spice things up and experience new people. At the moment I consider myself to be poly - I prefer to have relationships with the people I'm having sex with, and have realised that strong bonds can happen with multiple people at once.

13) I've now had sex with around 15 people. However, if you only count penile-vaginal sex the number goes down to 2. I've made out with close to 100 people. I love kissing. I used to really care about numbers, but now they don't really mean anything to me. However, I still feel pressure to use the smaller number with people who seem judgmental. I wish I didn't feel this way. I wish it was easier for me to say, "You know what, I like sex. A lot."

14) Despite the previous statement, I'm unrestrained in the bedroom. All I need to be so, I've found, is someone who won't judge me for following whatever sexual urges I stumble across. I've been lucky enough to find people like that, and now know to search for them when I am looking. I now love my body (although still have some insecurities every now and again), and love the way sex can bring me into it. Sex is a form of freedom for me. Purely embodied sensation. Sex is a great way to de-stress, have fun, or explore.

15) I'm now the dominant in a relationship with a man who's a switch, but only submissive to me. I love having sex with him. He makes me squirt nearly every time. I know enough about myself now that with me in charge of what happens I often have 10 orgasms a night. I'm rather insatiable. Many of my orgasms are rather small, but usually I have one or two biggish ones each time we have sex (and when I masturbate, though sex orgasms are better). Every once in a while, though, I'll have a completely mind-blowing one that will leave me completely satisfied. Those times are awesome. However, I kind of like that they only happen every once in a while. I think it makes them even better.

16) I love anal. Giving, receiving, tongue, toys, fingers, cock, strap-on - all good. I've fantasized about fucking a guy up the ass since I was 18, and now that's become a regular part of my sex life. I used to doubt that I'd ever want to receive anal, but always knew I'd make the deal with any boyfriend I loved that if he'd let me fuck him in the ass I'd let him try to fuck me in the ass. So that's basically what happened, and it turns out that I can have g-spot orgasms through my ass and it makes them even more intense. It's great. I also love making my sub lick my ass. It's rather humiliating for him and feels wonderful. I recently fisted my boyfriend's ass for the first time. It was a very intimate experience and I look forward to doing it again.

17) I really like androgyny. It's fun to play with gender. I've enjoyed cross-dressing every once and awhile from the age of 17. I like putting my boyfriend in stockings and fantasize about us wearing silk slips together with his erection causing his to tent. I'm attracted to people at all ranges of the spectrum, including trans people. I wish that more people would play with gender and have fun with it instead of feeling like they have to stick to just one.

18) I've recently realized that I am the author of my arousal. Because my boyfriend is submissive, even if I'm not feeling particularly aroused, I can tell him exactly what to do to make me aroused. With him, it works every time. I like having sex every day and knew before I was with him that I'm always up for it even if I don't always feel like initiating it. With him I've learned how to translate this into me initiating by telling him how to seduce me (which simultaneously seduces him). It's lovely.

19) Currently my favorite sex toy (other than my boyfriend) is a double-ended dildo cock gag. I lock it onto my boyfriend's mouth and ride it till I squirt in his face. It never fails to put him into subspace and I love defiling him in such a way. I never really understood come shots in porn until I played with this toy.

20) I really want to have an MMF threesome. I've had plenty of FFM ones, which are fun, but I love watching two men together. I started watching porn when I was 18 and have always liked watching gay men get it on. I also like the idea of being continuously fucked for quite some time - an empowered gang-bang if you will. I love getting fucked hard and would enjoy saying "next!"

21) I still struggle with having penile-vaginal intercourse with new partners. Part of me would like to be able to do it as casually as I can have oral sex. It feels somewhat disproportionate that I can have sex with women the first time I meet them without any inner turmoil, but if I let a guy stick his cock in me it's got to be love. I don't know what to do about this. On the one hand I'm tempted to experiment with casual penile-vaginal sex. On the other hand, it is more dangerous in terms of STI's and pregnancy, so perhaps it's a healthy thing to feel.

22) I'm an exhibitionist and like making porn. I've had an account with an amateur site before, but am always afraid of my stuff incriminating me one day. However, my face is only seen very briefly in any of my clips, and I've now taken them all down. I'm tempted to make porn again though. I'd like to make porn for some queer website if we lived in an ideal world where a former porn appearance couldn't cost you your job. Unfortunately, that's not the way things are, so I'll have to stick to awkward body shots.

23) I'd like to fall in love with a woman again. So far, it's only happened once.

24) I used to imagine the white picket fence and 2.5 children in my future, but now I just don't know. I might get married at some point, but now it seems like it would more likely be about convenience than anything else. This has been shaped by my sexual history because I'm becoming more and more non-traditional. Plus, I might eventually want a triad, which wouldn't be legally recognized. I also don't know how to reconcile my desire to have my own life in my mind and work that I'm proud of and children. I like children, but don't like the idea of my identity becoming "mother." Also, my contribution to the world outside of children is important to me, and the world is already overpopulated.

25) I'm afraid of my sex drive disappearing some day. I love being a sexual person now. It's one of the most fulfilling parts of my life. To lose that would really sadden me.