Tuesday, March 23, 2010

1) I like obviously artificial makeup. I like dye jobs. I like band shirts. I like tattoos. I like hoodies. I listen to Panic! At the Disco purely because Ryan Ross’s outfits turn me on. Tim Burton’s aesthetic I love. I could care less about naked bodies.

2) I hate my breasts because they make my tight T-shirts hang weirdly and they mess up the lines of my torso. It’s all sleek and lean and feline, and then there are these two round things, and I hate them. I’m the only person in the world who picks their bras on the basis that they minimize my breasts.

3) Weirdly, breasts are the one of the few body parts I actually find attractive. Well, and guys’ pelvises and penises, and very occasional arms.

4) There is nothing hotter than a sweaty, unwashed musician shredding.

5) Unless it’s a sweaty, unwashed musician with a sexy voice. I have a playlist, actually. I prefer a low, gravelly, almost-tenor voice on a woman, and a waily, melodramatic voice on a man. Sex noises are always a plus.

6) I’m turned on by suicide, codependent relationships, mindfuckery and (fictional) serial killers. I have no traumatic experience. I just came this screwed-up, I guess.

7) Most of my fantasies involve someone having sex they don’t want to have because they’re so turned on, possibly because of the supernatural (yay incubi).

8) When I fantasize, I am almost always a man.

9) I fall in love at first sight about once every two years. Love-at-first-sight me has great taste—I’ve never fallen for someone I wouldn’t marry. Unfortunately, she’s not quite so good at picking out people who are interested in me.

10) In eighth grade I jerked off in class. Every day. It took three or four months for anyone to notice. I lied and claimed I’d just been resting my hand on my stomach because I had cramps. The adults believed me, but the kids mocked me for the rest of the year.

11) I’ve been turned on by my sister touching my back before. I’m not attracted to her at all and, obviously, I’d never sleep with her.

12) It is impossible to freak or gross me out with anything sexually. I blame the Internet.

13) I have two platonic friends, if you don’t count relatives. Everyone else I’d fuck, if they’d have me. (Note: this doesn’t mean I’m attracted. It just means I’d sleep with them, if they offered.)

14) I read erotica, but I hate porn. It doesn’t offend me or anything; it’s just boring. On the other hand, a singer grabbing his crotch on stage or lifting his shirt a little or pelvic thrusting gets me every time.

15) I almost always get crushes on people because I think they like me. Unfortunately, my brain tends to instantly jump from “they talked to me” to “they want to jump my bones.” In my defense, it works that way for me.

16) I’ve never fucked someone I’m honestly attracted to, as opposed to having a crush on because of #15. I’ve never had as good orgasms in regular sex as in masturbation.

17) Despite #16, I’ve never regretted a sexual encounter.

18) I crave pain during sex. It’s not necessary during masturbation, but screwed-up power dynamics in my head are.

19) I get distracted during masturbation and start thinking about random stuff. This doesn’t happen during sex. I like erotica, because it keeps my focus at the task at hand (pun entirely intended).

20) Naked cuddling is better than sex.

21) Sometimes I get so lonely I hug myself or a pillow and pretend I’m cuddling a particularly cuddle-worthy celebrity. I guess you could call it cuddling masturbation.

22) Of the blogs I check on a regular basis, about half are sex blogs. I like to stay informed.

23) I think I’m terrible in bed. My sex-to-male-orgasm ratio is quite embarrassing. I don’t want to have sex with someone else again in case it proves that I’m right. I’m more embarrassed by #23 than #11.

24) I can’t remember the name of my first kiss. I’m pretty sure I’m going to forget the name of my first fuck soon. I can, however, remember both my and their outfits from both occasions.

25) I think everyone in the world has beautiful eyes. No matter how ugly, or mean, or stupid the person: stare into their eyes and they are beautiful and someone you’d like to sleep with.

Monday, March 22, 2010

1. I am biologically female, though I have no idea whatsoever what gender I identify as. This general indifference to gender is probably the reason I identify as bisexual.

2. One of my biggest fears is that I will turn out to be a heterosexual cisfemale once I'm grown. Because of this, sometimes I feel as if I'm forcing myself to be more masculine than I naturally am, even though I know I am queerer than an eight-legged cat.

3. I'm not sure whether or not I'm a virgin. I've been fingered many a time and have been on the giving and receiving end of cunnilingus, and I wouldn't mind being penetrated (or penetrating someone), but I have little to no access to cock and am in a relationship.

4. Being in this relationship is probably one of the worst ideas I've had in a while, but at least only a few people know we got back together. I don't really get emotionally attached and have never fallen in love (don't expect to), and she's one of the most emotional people I know, and fancies herself in love with me. If you include the week when we were broken up, we've been together for two and a half months.

5. As much as I convince myself I want out, I'm afraid that she's the best I can get, and she makes the best noises. And her breasts, despite being too small for me visually, are fantastically fun to play with.

6. Other than her, I've kissed six people, been felt up by three, and fingered by one. I was only romantically attracted to one of them, though I was sexually attracted to four or five.

7. I have never managed to orgasm, not by my own hands or with any help. I'm petrified that I never will.

8 . Despite never actually getting off, I get wet incredibly easily and masturbate at least four times a week. My fantasies have a tendency to focus on the romantic one from 6, my girlfriend, and David Tennant.

9. I write erotic fiction. All of it is slash or femmeslash, and it is some combination of fanfiction and original work. I find this incredibly shameful, but it gives me a feeling of giving back to the fic communities I'm a part of, and it helps to increase my feelings of self-worth.

10. On a similar note, I find it incredibly sexy when people play with gender roles, and thus homosexuality and androgyny are both enormously arousing for me. I would partake in androgyny more if I did not have an very feminine form (C-cup, 27-inch waist, 38-inch hips, barely five feet tall).

11. My figure is also one of the reasons I have difficulty figuring out my gender. When I can successfully pass, I feel much more like myself, but I love working with appearances and I know that I am only ever really attractive when dressed as a female.

12. I have gotten it on in a school building/vehicle at least half a dozen times. I have never been caught.

13. I like it rough, and the fact that marks aren't allowed in my current relationship (for the sake of maintaining secrecy) disappoints me to no end.

14. It's very hard for me to explain what I need and want in a relationship. I project a very hard exterior, and it is absolutely a huge part of who I am, but I would someday like someone who can pick up on my smaller emotional cues. I've also found that I'm quite good at picking up on those cues from others, and as long as I'm paying attention, I make a very good partner.

15. I'm sexually attracted to almost every one of my friends, at least a little bit. I think this is related to the fact that I've never really had feelings for anyone I was not friends with first, and also the fact that they're all pretty damn hot.

16. I used to think I could be attracted to anyone who showed any interest in me, based on my first two major crushes and what happened after I'd kissed each of them. This was proved very, very wrong when I went into a very, very short relationship with one of my close friends who was a year younger than me. I think I vomited a bit when I kissed her, and thus broke up with her four hours later. We're still very close, and I'm very grateful that she helped me realize that I am actually very selective about who I want to fuck, and that I've never been attracted to anyone younger than myself.

17. I never masturbated as a kid. At all. My first time was in the shower at age fourteen, and I didn't know what to do other than stick my fingers inside. It hurt, and soon after I discovered that the clit makes things a whole lot better.

18. Bad grammar is an instant turn-off for me. I can want somebody like nobody's business, but if they use the wrong form of your, I will be unable to think of them in that way again.

19. My first kiss was with one of my closest friends, at my thirteenth birthday party. I had been pining after her for months, and she initiated it. The next morning, she denied it had ever happened and that next summer was when both my anxiety and depression started to really take shape, but once we dealt with it, I learned to view it as a fantastic learning experience and I wouldn't go back and change it for the world.

20. I am fascinated by penises. I'm also a little grossed out, probably because I've little experience with them, but they're kind of really quite beautiful.

21. The award for hottest experience I've ever had would go to several weeks ago, a few days after the girlfriend and I got back together. We were staying after school to go to an evening event and she was having one of her characteristic breakdowns maybe twenty minutes before said event happened, so I comforted her in our science wing. Once she got over it, we went to the bio classroom, where she learned just how hard I need to be bitten for me to feel anything on my breasts, and I played with her hair and masturbated while she worked on them. That was probably the nearest I've ever come to orgasm, though I didn't make it all the way. Immediately after, we half-cuddled as I fingered her, and we ended up being two hours late for the event we were supposed to be at.

22. I have very little sensation in my breasts. I don't know why, but to me, touching them is no more arousing than touching any other part of my body. I don't really like having them, but I look oddly proportioned without them, and they really are gorgeous, just not for me.

23. The closest I've ever been to in love was with the boy from 6 and 8. He had a crush on my best friend and no chance, and the three of us spent quite a lot of time cuddling as I gradually began to develop feelings for him. He wasn't particularly gorgeous or nice, but he made me very, very happy, and the summer before high school, we made out at a friend's birthday party - I initiated it, and it was amazing. After that, I really wanted us to take it further, but he said never again. We kissed again one more time, and I might've gotten a little too obsessive, but it was all very worth it, and I still, several years later, have feelings for him. My only regret is that we haven't stayed friends, and one of these days, I'm going to try talking to him again.

24. Nothing turns me on like intelligence. No matter what someone looks like, if we can have a good, quick conversation, I will feel at least a bit of wanting. Shared obsessions have similar effects, which is probably why I'm such a fan of geeks.

25. I would love to have a one-night stand. The idea of sex with no strings attached appeals to me like nothing else. The problem with this, of course, is that I'm actually fairly shy when around people I don't know most of the time, but my confidence and snarkiness are my most attractive traits.
1. I am a 27 year old hetero male.

2. I lost my virginity when I was 15, to a partner I had been with for several months, and subsequently several years. Like a lot of first times, it was unremarkable and awkward, but we got better. She had been sexually active for years, and this intimidated me for most of our time together.

3. I am a serial relationship person, having not been out of a long term relationship for longer than 2-3 months, since I was 15. I have, however, cheated on every partner I have been with, some many times over.

4. When I was 7 years old I was molested by a sexually aggressive 7 year old girl. My parents would organise 'playdates' after school. We would play 'doctors' and sometimes her younger sister would be involved. Although I know this to not be an uncommon childhood experience, the enthusiasm with which she took to the game, and my meek unwillingness, left me feeling used and dominated, objectified. I didn't like it. I think this experience helped to shape my sexual habits in my adolescent and early adult life.

5. The cheating did not come from a place of wanting to hurt my partners, but a yearning for broader experience. If an opportunity for sex arose, I would generally take it. I would rarely seek it actively. In retrospect, I should have learned to be more open with my partners and suggest polygamy and the like, but was always certain that they would be negative and break off our relationship.

6. Some of the most beautiful and liberating sexual experiences I have had have been with people I cheated on my partners with. Because of this I don't really feel much guilt over what I've done in the past, only that I wasn't more honest.

7. Some of the most lousy and half-assed sexual experiences I've had have been with people I cheated on my partners with. Sometimes it would just be hollow and unfulfilling. Self respect and respect for others has deepened my experiences.

8. I have had very healthy and very fulfulling sexual relationships with all my past partners. I am a sensitive, gentle, giving sexual partner. Although I do like to play a little rough (choking, hair pulling, dirty talk, spanking, etc). I have engaged in roleplay before, but I love my current partner just as she is, and enjoy the connection too much to play games.

9. I once had a fling with a girl who insisted on fake names. I never got her real name. The sex was loud and rough and dirty and hot, I think partly because of the roleplay.

10. I was seeing a girl who had some emotional problems. One night she threw a pretty wild party and in the course of the evening cut herself pretty deep with a razor in her forearm. We treated the wound, it was OK. Eventually we wound up in bed and had some pretty awesome slow, grinding, very physical and wet sex. When I woke up later I discovered in the light that her wound had opened during sex and we were covered in blood. Covered. The realization that we had been smearing each other with it was amazing. I got instantly hard.

11. Only in one of my relationships was the sex life really unfulfilling. Because there wasn't one. Her libido seemed to just drop away and we stopped making love. Beforehand we'd had a healthy sex life, as far as I knew. Getting any answer as to why her libido disappeared was frustrating. It was difficult, because I realized intimacy is very important for me in a partnership. I felt guilty for wanting to leave her, but justified because we almost weren't in a relationship. I slowly came to realise that we didn't connect anyway, except on a fairly superficial level. I was a handbag to this woman. We broke up after not having sex for 6 months.

12. I am attracted to men. But I don't think I would ever sleep with one. The thought of sexual contact, especially anal, is kind of a turnoff, though I have no problem with homosexuality in others. I have queer friends. I have very specific taste in men. Rugged, masculine, sensitive, probably bearded. But I couldn't really define it without pointing someone out.

13. The closest I came to a gay encounter was with a friend of mine, a beautiful, feminine South American artist/drag queen. We got drunk and high and made out. He offered to go down on me but was too eager, and it turned me off. Maybe if the conditions are right, I could. Who knows? I am interested in an MMF threesome, but the attention would have to be on the woman.

14. The night of 13 I learned about some gay men's desire to turn or just to fuck hetero boys. Kind of like taking a virgin for some hetero men. I don't see the point of interest or excitement in either. I would rather fuck someone who knows what they want and how to get it.

15. I had sex with a virgin when I was about 17. She was 15. We are family friends, and grew up together from birth. I kind of knew for many years that I would eventually be her first. I was happy that it was me, and I could give her a safe and supportive place to go through it. We still had some problems afterwards, and fucked in a kind of love/hate sporadic way for years afterward, but we're close again now, and not fucking, and I'm happy for it.

16. My taste in women is quite broad, although I obviously have a predilection for petite, curvy women, and my friends say I go for redheads. For me, sexiness is much more than physical. True grace and confidence and courage come from within.

17. That being said, I love girls with tattoos and piercings and skinny jeans. Like my girlfriend. Seriously, seriously sexy.

18. My girlfriend has taught me the value of trust and honesty, not just sexually, but emotionally. I see now that the two go hand in hand. One benefits the other. Although I find some women I meet extremely attractive and have had the opportunity to go to bed with one or two of them, I have been uninterested. Well, still excited by the thought, but kind of physically unable to follow through. I'm in love, and want to share my body exclusively with my beautiful partner.

19. I still watch porn on a fairly regular basis. Erotic art is better though, or porn in which the participants look like they're genuinely having a good time.

20. Sex should be fun! It's play! I like to laugh and wrestle and lick and kiss and fuck.

21. My first sexual partner was a squirter. She would cum hard and long and loud. The bed would be utterly soaked when we were through. I thought at the time that all sex was to be like this. It was a rather daunting thought.

22. I have only met one other squirter. She was so surprised and ashamed that she froze up. She had no idea what had happened. Although I encouraged her and told her there was nothing wrong with her, she did not squirt again. I hope that one day she can be freer with her body.

23. I love giving and receiving oral. Love love love it. I'm good at it. I could live down there. If a girl's hygiene is good, I like the taste and smell and texture. I love that every pussy is completely unique, and so obviously belonging and suited to the woman they belong to. They are beautiful.

24. I have a large, thick penis. Though not huge. This has been a problem sometimes and a blessing other times. As a result I've learned that foreplay is very important, especially if the girl is small. I love long, drawn out foreplay.

25. Buddhism has taught me that all things are transitory. Desire, by its very nature, cannot be fulfilled or exhausted. It is desire, longing. This has relaxed my attitude towards sex a great deal. I now naturally look for a deeper experience, making the person or people involved more of a focus than the act itself. I want them to be happy. Getting her off can be a great deal more pleasurable and fulfilling for me than getting off myself.