Wednesday, August 25, 2010

1. I seem to have a nerve bundle along the left side of my outer labia that feels as good or better when touched as clitoral stimulation. I didn’t figure out how to touch myself with my hands until about three years ago. I’m 38. My husband refers to it as my true North having been dragged about a half inch to the left. I love that description and how funny and caring it is. Now when I want him to touch or lick me there, I call it true North.

2. I first masturbated at seven by rocking back and forth on the bench of my family piano when I should have been practicing. The bench had a poorly attached leg and would move when I played. That’s the first hint I had that something felt good between my legs, when it moved beneath me. This piano is now in my house.

3. I had a couple of really positive sexual experiences when I was fourteen, one after the other. One with a guy who I had a deep mutual affection for and we had a lot of fun in bed together. The other was someone I would hook up with sometimes and didn’t have feelings for, but the sex was hot. While I didn’t have intercourse with either of them, we did everything else. I remember enjoying touching and being touched, experimenting, having orgasms, giving pleasure, the whole nine yards. I got very freaked out that I wasn’t in love with either of them and that neither of them was really what I thought I wanted or needed in a boyfriend. I guess I wasn’t emotionally mature enough for the situation. I didn’t really date again until I was nearly seventeen. I still have really mixed feelings about this. I think I didn’t do things that made me uncomfortable, which is great; on the other hand, it would have been great if I could have had those relationships without feeling uncomfortable or like I was doing something wrong.

4. The bulk of my sexual experiences after that were not so good. I felt like the other person should love me; when they did like me or have feelings for me, I normally freaked and ran. I sucked at relationships and hookups in high school, and pretty much into my twenties, really. It was all tied up with rejection.

5. I asked my mother how babies were made when I was 5 or 6. She gave me a really thorough, honest explanation, including how birth control worked. By the end of it I was so bored I actually asked if we could just not talk about it anymore.

6. My mom had a copy of Delta of Venus on her bookshelf. I read the lesbian threesome story so many times that the book eventually disintegrated at that point in the spine. Erotica, both writing it and reading it, and reading about sex and sexuality in general has figured heavily in my life ever since.

7. I had a really phenomenal summer romance at seventeen. I had intercourse for the first time with him, and I would say that’s when I lost my virginity, too. I think the two can be mutually exclusive. He was sixteen, a sweetheart, funny, lovely and a really good lover. I know how lucky I am

8. I also have him (and those two guys when I was fourteen) to thank for my sanity, because I was sexually assaulted by a friend when I was nineteen. Sex was somewhat screwed up for me for a couple of years after that and I think I’m so lucky I had formative experiences that showed me it could be good. When things were at their worst, I knew I’d had positive sexual experiences before and that I could have them again. If there was a way for me to find these three people and thank them without it being tremendously weird, I would.

9. I’ve been on anti-depressants twice. The first time I had a harder time climaxing. The second time (the past year), I remained just as orgasmic but my body map changed a lot. I feel things in different places on my body, come differently, masturbate less and want partner contact more. I actually feel sensations of arousal across my collarbone now, which is totally new for me. It’s been really interesting.

10. I identify as bi. I’ve been in one relationship with a woman and have hooked up with one other. I still have attractions to women. It seems to happen once every two or three years and it’s usually totally overwhelming, like, God, if weren’t in a monogamous relationship I’d have my face between your legs right now. I am attracted to men more frequently, but it’s not usually that devastating.

11. I had both asthma and a near-drowning experience as a kid. These are the two reasons I normally tell people I can’t read about, write about or have sex involving breathplay or choking in any way. The third reason is that in the year or so after I was assaulted, the only way I could orgasm during sex is if I was being choked out. I had a partner I trusted who did this for me and it was actually very enjoyable. But now I associate it with that time of recovery and I never want to do it again. I think I’d hyperventilate if I tried it. I don’t tell anyone about this.

12. While I certainly switch up and have lots of non-role oriented sex, at the end of the day I identify as a pushy bottom. It makes me happy.

13. I love giving head. Love it. I actually go into a near-meditative state doing it sometimes; sometimes it turns me on so much I have to stop and have intercourse immediately because I get so close to coming.

14. I love receiving head. Nothing else feels like that to me. It’s the best. My husband is amazing at it and I make sure to tell him that. A lot.

15. I had anal sex routinely with one long-term partner (and a couple of others) and really liked it. It didn’t interest me again until the last year or so. I’d really like to do it with my husband, both giving and receiving, rimming, fingering, etc. Whatever variation of it would turn him on. I’m really afraid to bring this up though since he has no interest in it to my knowledge and I don’t want him to feel pressured about it.

16. My husband and I are working up to doing vaginal fisting and I’m really looking forward to it. I think we’ll both like it. Everything we’ve done building toward it so far has been intimate and awesome and hot.

17. I regret not having ever had group sex. It’s something I fantasize about. I have been in a threesome, and a couple of kissing parties with friends, and it was fun.

18. I don’t regret my decision not to enter into a relationship with someone who was only interested in my feet (and basically proposed a sexual relationship with my feet). The guy in question was really hot and some of my friends thought I was nuts not to do it, but I have no foot fetish or interest in having my feet worshipped, so it wasn’t right for me.

19. Monogamy is part of my sexuality these days. It’s part of what makes me feel safe enough to be completely free in my sexuality and with my husband. I’ve wished in the past sometimes that I was more evolved and more open to other experiences. But I’ve come to feel this works for me so I’m good with it. It’s possible this will change in the future, but so far this is what works.

20. That said, I’ve been in a few situations since getting together with my husband where we were in front of other people while touching sexually – once at a party, once at a massage workshop. We were both totally into it and never had any weird feelings or jealousy or shame about it. It occurs to me now this is something we might want to explore further.

21. I have been writing and reading slash fiction for the last year. It’s become my main hobby. It has had a really positive effect on my sex life. I feel more in touch with my desires and more open to trying new things.

22. It’s also great to be in constant dialogue about sex and sexuality with my online communities. I have trouble talking about sex with most of my friends now that I’m married. It feels like I’m betraying my husband somehow.

23. I definitely have masculine characteristics. Sometimes I feel like I’m closer to being a gay man than anything else. And two guys together, the idea of it, turns me on no end.

24. Three years ago I was fairly certain my husband and I were headed for divorce and our sex life was practically non-existent. A lot of hard work later, we’re not only stronger than ever but I’m having the best sex of my life. I’m very proud of both of us for this. Clear air is the best aphrodisiac.

25. Sex can be so many things. An expression of love, comforting, a distraction, a high, a thrill, silly, exciting. It can be awesome on your own or with someone you care about or with someone you don’t. I think all that matters is that you feel good about what’s happening and can forgive yourself for when it’s not perfect. Took me a long time to get to that, but I’m there now.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

1. I lost my virginity when I was 20 on a cold beach in the middle of the night during a retreat. I told everyone that I orgasmed, including the girl I slept with. I lied.

2. My boobs aren't sensitive at all. Neither are my nipples. I feel kind of guilty because my girlfriend loves to play with them and it does nothing for me and it frustrates her. I'm very grateful that hers are super sensitive, though, because I looooove sucking them so, so much.

3. When I was around 6 or 7, I had my first kiss with a boy who lived down the street. We kissed all the time, lying in his bed and hiding under blankets and pillows. My mom eventually found out and told me I was only allowed to kiss him goodbye.

4. In second grade, my best friend at the time slept over at my house. In the middle of the night I woke up while he was still sleeping. I spent a good 5 minutes deciding whether or not to kiss him. I got really close to doing it but ultimately decided against it.

5. I really, really, really like to be a tease, especially when I'm going down on my girlfriend. Having her push my head down or lift up her hips to try and get me to touch her is one of the hottest things ever.

6. I guess it's a control thing because I also love holding her hands down so that she can't guide me or anything.

7. That being said, I also love being completely submissive and fucked relentlessly.

8. I'm guess I'm kind of an exhibitionist. It's not necessarily that I get off on the idea of having sex in public, I just want to have sex everywhere and “everywhere” just happens to include public places.

9. I started looking at porn when I was 13. I watched straight porn for a while, but it didn't really do much for me, so I turned to gay porn. It's still the only kind of porn I really watch because most lesbian porn is ridiculous/boring unless it's the Crash Pad series (or any porn made for/by queer women).

10. I only watch porn when I'm too tired to read erotica (which I find much more enjoyable). When I watch porn, it's more for the audio. I'd much rather let my mind wander through my own fantasies.

11. Girls with shortish brown hair and a bit of hipster style/androgyny will make me turn my head, but femmes with long blonde hair and legs for days will make me stare. Especially if they walk around like they're hot and they know it. (See: Blake Lively, Dianna Agron, etc.)

12. Along those same lines, I think it's amazingly sexy when a girl raises her eyebrow just so.

13. When it comes to ass or tits, you gotta have both. There's nothing I love more than grabbing ass. Except for maybe sucking on tits.

14. My favorite place to kiss is right above the collarbone where the neck meets the shoulder. And by kiss I mean bite/suck.

15. My ears are one of the most sensitive places on my body. Licking or sucking them will send shivers down my spine every single time.

16. I had my first girl kiss my freshman year of college. She was blackout drunk and didn't remember a thing.

17. I had my first real kiss my senior year of high school with my best guy friend who I had liked on and off all through high school. We tried being friends with benefits but it never really worked out.

18. The furthest I ever went with a boy was a handjob while a bunch of us were sleeping in a friend's dorm room freshman year. It was my 19th birthday, first time I'd ever drank, and I'd only known the guy for a few hours. I can't remember his name for the life of me.

19. I'm pretty quiet during sex. When I lived at home, I had to be really quiet while masturbating because we have fairly thin walls and I didn't want to get caught. Making noise while getting off is such a foreign concept to me.

20. That being said, I love it when my girlfriend moans and gasps when we have sex. Even more so when I'm close to coming. It makes my orgasm just that much better. I might even go so far as to say I can't orgasm without at least some audible cues letting me know that I'm making her feel good.

21. I could spend hours eating pussy. I love everything about it. Taste, smell, feel. I feel very fortunate that my girlfriend loves when I go down on her.

22. I get wet really easily.

23. I love having my neck sucked/bitten. I'm not sure how I feel about the marks afterwards, but for the most part I think they're worth it.

24. I'm a very attentive lover. I will do anything and everything to make my partner enjoy every second of sex.

25. My girlfriend has never orgasmed with another person, and I would do anything to be the one to change that.

Monday, August 23, 2010

1 . I'm 32, female. I'm married to a man but I like women too.

2 . I don't like to call myself bisexual. I think sometimes labels are too rigid and I don't feel comfortable with them.

3 . Maybe a reason for #2 is that I have never been in love with a woman. I like to have sex with both women and men, but I don’t think I'm capable of having a serious relationship with a female.

4 . Another possible reason is that I don't enjoy being with a woman as much as I do with a man. I don't know if this is because I'm not that into women, or I just haven't found the right female partner yet.

5 . My husband and I are swingers. I love the idea of sharing intimacy with other people, without the classic commitment of a romantic relationship. It's refreshing, and at the same time it feels like going home. I think we all need physical, erotic contact to feel alive. And I can't find a reason to limit that to a monogamous partnership. I've thought this way since I can remember, which caused me some trouble in the past.

6 . Despite #5, I understand and respect other ways to be in a relationship; I don't even know if I'll like to swing until I die. For now, it just works for me.

7 . Polyamory sounds interesting to me, too. I've recently got into a 'friend-with-benefits' relationship. It just happened. He is a very good friend of us, and I've been always sexually attracted to him. I talked about it with my husband, and with my friend, of course. We decided to give it a shot, and it was awesome. We fuck with love. Now I'm in love with two people, and I feel my heart has expanded. Again, I don't know if this will last till death do us part, but for now it feels great.

8 . My first time was with my cousin, at the age of 16. He was 18. We had been in an on-off relationship since I was 12. He was my first love, and although it wasn't sexually 'good', it felt natural and I remember it as a beautiful moment. We didn't have sex again. I think he was just in the right time and right place to share my sexual awakening, and I'm thankful for that.

9 . I've masturbated since I was 8 or 9. But I didn't find my clit until I was 12. Before that, I just loved to touch myself, mostly my butt, my legs and my belly. When I finally discovered my clit and vagina, I was amazed. I had my first orgasm that same day, and I couldn't believe all that pleasure was inside of me.

10 . Now I like to masturbate using basically my fingers on my clit. Sometimes I use a vibrator ring. I usually fantasize about threesomes or group sex while I'm doing it.

11 . I love oral sex. Giving and receiving it. I love the feeling of a hard cock in my mouth; the taste, the texture of the skin, and the sounds my partner makes while I'm down there. I like to do it slowly, playing with my tongue while we are in foreplay, and I also like to do it fast,
just to make him cum.

12 . I don't have much experience in giving oral to a woman yet, but I expect to learn quickly.

13 . I've recently found out I love anal sex. Before that, I used to do it just to make my partner happy. Now I enjoy it very much. It's not always on the menu, though. I have to be in the right mood--incredibly horny.

14 . Even if I'm not going to have anal sex, I love to get my anus stimulated. My favourite position is doggy-style, with my fingers on my clit and my husband's in my ass.

15 . Most of the time, if I'm having sex in the missionary position, I need to fantasize I'm being raped in order to come.

16 . That doesn't mean I like being humiliated or forced in any way. I just get excited about the idea of passiveness and not being in control.

17 . I like some pain too. Spanking, biting, pulling hair... I like the feeling of being dominated. But I only let this happen if I trust my partner 100%. This means, my husband and my friend in #7.

18 . Porn is mostly something that just makes me laugh or bored. But sometimes, if the scene is not too false, the actors and actresses are nice and the script is not too obvious, I enjoy it and even get turned on by it.

19 . On the other hand, I love reading porn. There's something about XXX stories that makes my imagination fly. I guess this shows, one more time, that the brain is the most important sexual organ.

20 . My deepest and darkest fantasy is to be a sex slave, and to be offered by my master to all his friends. But the idea scares me as well. Maybe it'll never happen.

21 . I sometimes fantasize about being in a dom role too, mostly with a woman. I like the idea, but I guess I don't have the energy. My character tends to be passive.

22 . Sex with children, animals, or with any person whom I'm not entirely sure has consented to have sex, is simply off limits to me.

23 . I don't like peeing either.

24 . I don't have any fetishes.

25 . Although my last 3 things have been dislikes, I think it is pretty obvious I love sex!

Sunday, August 22, 2010

1. I am a 40-something wife, mom and adventurous woman. I contain opposites, and you will see several examples of this below. I am mostly confident; OK with me and who I am, but like most women, I have my insecure moments. This applies to all aspects of my life, including sex.

2. I like sex. A lot. Actually, I love it! I have a high sex drive, especially for a girl. And I can’t seem to get enough. Maybe I’m a nympho? Maybe I’m a sex addict. I don’t know that I’m into labels all that much, so I don’t care what it’s called.

3. I have been married to one man for half of my life. I love him, but I’m not convinced that monogamy is for everyone! Sex and love are different things. I will never leave him. But I will never stop looking for variety in my sex life.

4. My friends, family and anyone who met me in the street would probably have no idea that I’m into sex the way that I am. I am a little bit of a freak in the bedroom! And like most labels, I acknowledge that “freak” is a relative term!

5. I had my first girl-girl experience when I was about 11 or 12.

6. I lost my virginity after the homecoming game when I was 16, in a car. Classic!

7. I had lots of decent sex with boyfriends. I had lots of gratuitous sex with guys I barely knew. I had sex with guys that wouldn’t fit either of those categories. But I never felt cheap or used. Ok, maybe once. But it’s all good. I lived and learned.

8. For about 16 years of my married life I was completely faithful to my husband. The sex varied from boring to great on occasion. But I always yearned for more. More frequency. More of him paying attention to my needs in bed. More variety… excitement! More of wanting to just be able to be myself in the bedroom.

9. I had my second girl-girl experience several months ago. Yes, I repressed the desires I had for women for a very long time. But once I admitted to my husband that I was into girls, I started to explore those needs and desires. And he started to explore with me.

10. One of the first ways we explored having experiences with other girls was to go to strip clubs. I have a love/hate relationship with strippers and strip clubs. I love seeing a beautiful sexy girl in my husband’s lap and watching him enjoying himself. And he enjoys when I mess around with a stripper. The hate part of the relationship with strippers comes from all the stereotypical things you hear about. But that’s a story for a whole different day.

11. I am fortunate that my husband is cool that I’m into girls. I’m not into every girl, just like I’m not into every guy. I look for chemistry as well as physical appearance. I’m slightly picky. I like the right balance. One of my favorite places on a woman is her hips. I love how soft women are. For guys, I like them to be in very good shape. Strong arms and a nice chest are big turn-ons. One thing I’ve learned over time is that you can’t assume the most beautiful or hottest person in the room has the best sex.

12. My husband and I started to actually swap/ swing with other couples not too long ago. The first time I saw him fucking another girl while her guy was fucking me was extremely hot. I hope we can do lots more of this.

13. My daytime footwear preference is flip-flops. My night-time footwear preference is heels. I love sexy shoes, strappy shoes, stripper shoes. I love seeing them on other women and I love wearing them. Being fucked with a nice pair of heels on is heaven. The toenails have to be perfectly painted for it to be a complete experience, though. I don’t think I quite have a foot fetish. But it may be a borderline one.

14. I enjoy watching porn; both with my husband and alone. Sometimes I get off to it. Sometimes we get off to it together. Sometimes it’s just background noise. Sometimes I watch it for “education purposes” and don’t masturbate at all.

15. I have a love/hate relationship with my orgasms. They don’t come easily, so I hate that. Some days I feel very inadequate because of this. My orgasms are fabulous, and can be very intense... long, and very powerful. I usually squirt along with my orgasms. Sometimes it is something I can control and sometimes not. But I think I’m pretty lucky that it can happen. Most guys (husband excluded) think it’s hot, so that is a bonus!

16. Because orgasms take forever to happen for me, I am not afraid to use some assistance. I have a growing collection of vibrators. My favorite vibe (so far) is the Rabbit... even though I do not yet own one. I’ve just had the pleasure of using one that belongs to someone else.

17. There is a very short list of things I’m not into sexually: double penetration, pain, and anything involving things that should be done on a toilet. Other than that, I’ll try anything once. Especially with an open-minded partner.

18. I love oral sex. Giving and receiving. It’s sort of a passion. And I’ve been told I have some “mad skills”. I think one of the things that always made me so good is that I really enjoy giving a blow job.

19. I have a dominant side and a submissive side. I enjoy exploring both, but could never stay in only one role for very long. I enjoy being with a partner that can give and take when the timing is right for each.

20. I like public/risky sex. I don’t get to do this nearly enough, but I guess I’ve had my fair share so I’m not complaining. Best ever was either sex on the beach, or sex in the parking lot of a hotel. One was about 20 years before the other. So that just goes to show you it’s not just for the young!

21. My fantasies: there are many! One thing I’ve never done that I’d like to do is a gang bang. I’d like to have about 6 guys in a row and I’d like it to last about 5 hours. Some have doubted that I could last that long, but I have a lot of stamina and can go for quite a while. I’d like to at least give it my best shot!

22. I think that variety is the spice of life. Bad sex is better than no sex. But boring sex is a fate almost worse than death.

23. I’m leaving #23 open. There is something I have yet to discover that will go here later. There is always more to learn. This line in and of itself tells you something about my sexuality.

24. I spent a lot of my life living with a sense of shame about how much I liked sex. and about the kinds of sex I like. I’m much more comfortable with myself now, but not exactly where I want to be quite yet. If I could magically make things easier for my children or younger friends, I would. However, I think that arriving at the place I finally am today has been a fabulous journey, and I wouldn’t change that for anything in the world.

25. I am currently having the best sex of my life in a secret (so far) affair with a fabulous, sexy, married man that I met on the internet. He is my sexual soul mate. He completely satisfies me yet leaves me always wanting more. He rocks my world.