Tuesday, September 21, 2010

1. I'm a 20 year old virgin who has always known she was attracted to men, but recently has been thinking a lot about women.

2. If I had to identify as something, I would say that I'm bisexual. But normally I don't like labels because they're sticky, and there's so much unnecessary stigma surrounding bisexuality. I'm in the process of coining a new term. Sexual. I am sexual.

3. I like androgyny. I like to see men with long hair, to see women with short hair; to see men wearing skintight clothes and things like nail polish, and to see women wearing baggy clothes and sexy high-top sneakers.

4. I like petite women with small tits and toned, muscular bodies. I love a woman with defined abs. I also love a muscular man, and my favorite parts of a man are his back, his neck, and his THIGHS.

5. I have a definite type, for both men and women. I can be attracted to anyone of any size or color if I like their personality, but I'll always notice someone with dark hair and dark black eyes before I notice anyone else. My biggest star crushes on looks alone are James Franco and Gemma Arterton when she plays the princess in Prince of Persia.

6. My first kiss was with a girl from my class. I was only in second or third grade. She came over to my house for a sleepover, along with another classmate. I can't remember exactly how it started, all I know is that she kissed me first, and that at the time I really had no idea what kissing was or what it meant. I didn't realize it was something bad until the other girl sleeping over murmured "I can hear you," in this small, scared sounding voice. Thinking back on it, I'm not grossed out at all. What scares me is thinking about how my classmate knew about kissing, when I didn't know. I can't help but wonder if she was sexually abused, and the very thought makes me so sad and depressed that I wish it had never happened, or that I could completely forget about it.

7. My second sexual experience was with my cousin. We were in her room, and again, I was too young to remember how it got started. All I remember is that we hid under her covers, with our pajama bottoms down, and kissed each other's asses, of all things. Nothing else happened. We didn't kiss on the mouth (that I can remember) and we didn't touch each other's vaginas. A few years later she asked me if I remembered, in the kitchen, in front of our dads. Our dads weren't paying attention but I was mortified, and so I lied and said no, that I didn't remember. To this day I still feel ashamed.

8. I never realized that I used to masturbate as a child until this year. Back then I didn't know what masturbation was, so I didn't know that it was what I was doing. But, after the kiss with my classmate, and before the incident with my cousin, I discovered that it felt good to rub myself against things. My favorite thing to rub against was this huge, stuffed white tiger (it was as big as me). Its mouth (ironically?) felt the best, and so I would turn it over on its back, position it between my legs as I laid in bed on my stomach, and grind against it in the light of my orange nightlight. And, yeah, its snout would smell like me afterward, and I felt dirty and aroused at the same time for wanting to inhale.

9. I don't masturbate now. I haven't really found the need to, and maybe that's because I just don't know what I'm missing. I've felt myself in the tub when I'm taking showers or baths, and my entrance feels so sensitive that I shy away from fully inserting my fingers. And now that I'm actually thinking about it, I'd like to explore myself more to see if it really CAN feel good, instead of overly sensitive.

10. I had a boyfriend once, when I was in the fifth or sixth grade. He was goofy looking in an endearing way, but we were both kids and "going out" for us was nothing more than SAYING that we were "going out." I told my parents about it the week it happened, and they told me that I wasn't allowed to do that. I "broke up" with him as nicely as I could, and school life went back to normal.

11. I haven't had a boyfriend, or a girlfriend, since then. I've never been on a date, and I've never even been asked out. Sometimes it makes me feel insecure, and of course I have to wonder if there's something "wrong" with me. At the same time I'm surprisingly self-confident, to what I like to think is a humble degree. I think I have a very pretty face, if not the greatest body. I think I have an engaging personality that a lot of people would enjoy if they got to know me. I'm only 20, so I know that I still have plenty of time to find someone who appreciates me, who loves me, and who wants to fuck me like crazy.

12. I discovered m/m fanfiction about four or five years ago, and when I did my entire world changed. Before then I didn't think much about sex (consciously), but once I started reading and writing my own gay fanfiction, thinking about sex became a huge part of my life. I'm not ashamed of it at all. I think it's healthy, and I love learning and exploring new things about sex every single day. As a virgin, I feel that it's important to educate myself as much as possible so I'm prepared for whatever is thrown my way in the future.

13. I used to only read m/m smut, and for the first couple of years after discovering m/m smut, I was completely turned off by heterosexual relationships. Now, I'm rediscovering an interest in heterosexual relationships, and am newly discovering an interest in f/f relationships.

14. If slapping someone around is considered a kink, then I have a kink. Through writing and reading fanfiction, I've realized a lot of things about myself that I never realized before. Just recently I realized that I like writing couples who smack each other, and roughhouse in other ways. And once I realized that, I recalled a memory from when I was younger, and in middle school. One of the first sexual thrills I experienced with a boy is when I slapped him across the face at a school dance. My excitement surged when he grinned at me afterward.

15. I haven't experienced it yet, obviously, but I have a strong feeling that I'll love doggy style. I realized this while co-writing with another writer. We used to write about various original characters involved in romantic relationships, starting off with gay couples and slowly branching into heterosexual couples. One day, a female character of mine got to talking to one of my co-writer's male characters, and the next thing we know the two of them are going at it doggy style. They couldn't stop fucking each other that way for at least two hours (through IMs on MSN). Writing about made-up people fucking each other might sound bizarre to some people, but in all actuality, it feels very natural. It feels GOOD. It's a way to explore and release your own sexual desires. And since then, a girl being fucked roughly from behind, with her ass arched high and her guy shoving himself balls-deep inside her, is one of the fantasies I think about the most.

16. I also discovered, through co-writing, that a monogamous relationship doesn't exactly mean that you can't fuck other people. I grew up believing that fucking someone other than your partner is cheating on them, and the ultimate betrayal. I grew up thinking that if you loved someone, you would never think about anyone else, and if you did, that meant that you didn't "truly" love them. But, writing for the minds of the characters I created, I learned that it's entirely possible to love someone with your whole heart even as you fantasize about someone else. I understand what it's like to want to fuck someone for pure, physical pleasure, but to want to wake up next to that other person, whom you love, for the rest of your days. I understand what it's like to give your body to someone because it feels good, but to have your soul, your heart, and your mind belong to someone else.

17. But if you want to fuck someone when you're in a committed relationship with someone else, communication is the key. I believe that if you decide to fuck someone else without telling your partner, that it IS a betrayal of their trust, and your love. To truly love someone is to respect their feelings. That means talking to them before you sleep with someone else. Let them know that you want to sleep with someone else, let them know who that person is, and let them know anything else they want to know for it to be okay. Make sure that they're comfortable with the situation before you do it, and make sure that they know that you love THEM, and only them.

18. I have an insane attraction for drag queens, or men in makeup. I specifically love men wearing lipstick. I would love to kiss a man while he's wearing lipstick. I would love to look at him in a corset, and to have him fuck me in a corset, with his brightly polished fingernails digging into my hips.

19. I used to be embarrassed by the word "fuck," and I used to be offended by the word "cunt." Now I use fuck like I use toilet paper when I take a shit, and I think that cunt, coming from the right mouth, can be incredibly sexy.

20. I am a feminist, who believes in women having anything a man can have, wanting anything a man may want, and doing anything a man can do. I believe in men and women being equal to each other, and I can't stand it when people think that men are the superior sex. That said, I fully support D/s relationships. As long as it's consensual, and as long as the submissive partner (whether they be female OR male) genuinely enjoys being dominated, I am entirely down with D/s relationships (and all things power-play). Because, of course, domination and submission is something entirely different from things like misogyny and a man's superiority complex. Anyone who knows anything about the BDSM world knows that it's built on respect for your partner, and mutual consent.

21. I fantasize about pegging. It has nothing to do with feminism, and nothing to do with wanting to turn the tables on men. It has nothing to do with "getting them back." I love the idea of pegging because I find it incredibly sexy when a man is comfortable enough in his own skin, and so trusting of his female partner, that he'd be willing to put himself in such a vulnerable position. I think it's sexy because to me, it's an incredible display of trust and love.

22. Whenever I see an attractive girl, I immediately think about her nipples in my mouth. I fantasize about nursing her nipples until they're sore, and then working my way down until I'm between her legs. I'd rather eat a girl out than give a man a blow job.

23. The above said, a man's cum is more attractive to me than a girl's fluid when she "squirts."

24. I'm in the process of "coming out" to my mom. She thinks that bisexual girls "claim" to be bisexual for attention. She thinks that they're just faking their "bisexuality" because it's the It Thing to do right now. She thinks that girls kiss each other for the sole purpose of entertaining a male audience. I asked her a year ago what she would think if I told her I was bi, and she told me that she wouldn't believe me. Because of that, I'm terrified to my very core to let her know that I've fantasized about going down on women. Sometimes I'd rather be a straight up lesbian, because at least then my mom wouldn't excuse me of lying about my sexuality just to get attention.

25. I'm worried about having penetrative sex for the first time because I'm very sensitive down there, and even though it doesn't hurt to put tampons in, it's excruciatingly painful when I pull a super out. Because of that, I refuse to use super tampons. It was also excruciatingly painful when I went to the gyno for an exam. I have no way of knowing if that's just natural, because my mom told me that the gyno is painful for her too. I don't have to worry about lubricating because I realized how wet I get after reading some steamy fanfiction. I'm hoping that the pain comes from lack of proper lubrication, and that when I do try penetrative sex, it'll be enjoyable instead of excruciating (the initial penetration notwithstanding).

Monday, September 20, 2010

1. When I was about eleven years old my step-little sister and I used to stick out our tongues and let them touch. It was very exciting and also felt very forbidden.

2. I am a 19 year old female, and when I was very young, about 5, I fell in love with the Disney mermaid Ariel. I had never seen such a beautiful girl before and all I wanted to do was to go swimming with her in the ocean.

3. I identify myself as bisexual, but the only time I've had sex with a girl was at a party. The girl in question and I were very drunk and we ended up locking ourselves in the bathroom. She went down on me but I didn't feel very much. She tasted like alcohol and chips when I kissed her. Several boys were knocking at the door screaming "Hey, what are you doing, having sex? Let us in!"

4. Some people are shocked when they hear how many persons I have slept with. It's only 5 so far. Bur I have made out with a LOT more.

5. I love having sex, all kind of sex. Anal sex can be very satisfying when you are doing it with someone who knows how to do it properly. Once I had a dick in my anus, as well as four fingers and a vibrator in my pussy.

6. On my 18th birthday I was raped by my boyfriend. My relationship with him damaged my sexual life severely. He was a sex addict and I struggled to please him every time we had sex. He had a very hard time to come at all. On that birthday I was very drunk, when we got to his place he tied me up to his bed with ropes by both legs and arms and raped me. I blamed myself, as the drunken whore I thought I was. But now I realize that I only have him to blame, not myself.

7. I lost my virginity to a really sweet guy at the age of sixteen, it was in his bed and we listened to music. It hurt very much, though, and there was a lot of blood, but I was somehow pleased at the same time. It felt right. He was a virgin too, so we did it for the first time together.

8. Two years after we had broken up we ended up in his bed again. It was amazing. It was one of the best sex experiences I have had. He had grown hair on his chest and learned new tricks..

9. I love kissing girls, but I absolutely hate that when I have done so in a club or at a party, guys stare and think it is somehow OK. When I kiss a girl it's for my own and her pleasure and not to be consider as a show for the surrounding males!

10. I long to have sex with a really beautiful girl, but I have a boyfriend that I love and commonly it would be considered as cheating if I would have sex with someone other than him. But I really don´t think love and sex are the same things. Sex can absolutely be done for pleasure and excitement, without involving love. I dislike norms, especially the look on their faces my friends get if I flirt or dance with someone who isn't my boyfriend.

11. This summer, my boyfriend and I had penetrative vaginal sex for the first time, after being together for half a year, and it was as good as it gets. He knows how to lick my pussy and he is not afraid to lick everywhere. That repaired my self-worth and view on sex.

12. I love masturbating with my little red vibrator and at the same time touching my breasts.

13. I'm a bit of an exhibitionist. One of my most vivid fantasies is to be fucked in front of an audience doggy-style.

14. Even though I've had bad experiences when it comes to power-balance in a relationship, I love being dominated, and being air-deprived during sex.

15. Once my dance teacher thought I had been beaten because I had such big bruises on my neck. It was in fact a guy who had bitten me all over and I really liked it.

16. I often get the impression that my sexuality confuses people, and that they that find me weird in general because I openly talk about sex and am in general more experienced than persons my own age. I really don't understand why, or I get that they are scared by the fact that I don't act according to the norm, but I don't understand why girls who openly talk about sex are considered to be a bit strange..

17. I like to be licked on the area around the anus, and I like having fingers in there. It´s a shame that it is such a taboo and that many persons find it in some way disgusting, just because they have been taught that it's wrong.

18. When I told my mother, with a smile on my face, that I had sex with my first boyfriend and the one I had at the time, she told me that I should be ashamed. I just laughed at her and she got even madder. She also told me once that you can't get pregnant if you have sex with a guy and he pulls out his dick before he ejaculates. Her idea of "safe sex" isn't safe at all.

19. When I was in my early puberty years I used to masturbate by using one of my stuffed animals. It was a big cat and I used to rub my pussy against it. Ever since then, I've had a fetish for cats--I find them extremely sexy.

20. I like playing what I call "the rat-mouse game" with people in clubs. I pick out a random person and set it as my goal to make him/her dance closely to me. It's not that I'm after sex, I just want to see if I can make a completely unknown person rub his/her body against mine, without even knowing me. When I succeed it is a huge thrill.

21. I used to get crushes very easily. Now that I'm older I know that I was attracted to all those people because I wanted their naked body against mine, I wasn't interested in a relationship at all, even though all the stories in books about young girls told me that love or attraction only can end with marriage.

22. The dates I've had have come after initial making out or having sex. Then the dating has come, and later sometimes a relationship.

23. I find older men and women really attractive, I would like to feel the touch of a person who has much more experience than me someday.

24. Nowadays I masturbate a lot, because I am currently living in another country from my boyfriend. I sometimes play with the thought of finding someone here to fuck. But then I'd have to ask my boyfriend first, and he would probably be fine with it.

25. Most porn is not at all overrated. I love all the gadgets in some BDSM films: gag-balls, whips, ropes, chains, fucking-machines and much more.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

1. I am a 23 year old heterosexual male.

2. I lost my virginity at 14 to a girl who, while she still had more experience than me, was also a virgin. Because of who she was and how she treated me, I developed a (I feel) bizarre perception of sex, that I feel is unhealthy and I've been trying to change.

3. I'm incredibly grateful to the four partners I've had since then, who because they actually cared about me wanted to have a healthy sexual relationship. Each of them has, I think, contributed to the kind of person I am today.

4. Of the four, three of them were virgins. Of the three, two of them were wonderful lovers. Of those two, one of them changed my life the most.

5. I enjoy being dominant, and restraining my lovers during sex, and I've never really had a chance to be the submissive one. That said, I am terrified of causing pain because I'm being forceful. It makes my guts twinge just thinking about it.

6.I don't have much of a sexual imagination. I'm trying slowly, and with some success, to change that.

7. I masturbate at least twice a day, and because of that I'm pretty sure I've never had a wet dream. I actually started masturbating because I was afraid of my mother washing my stained bedsheets.

8. I get off on BDSM porn not because of the domination, but because the pleasure seems real. I think it also helps me learn to see pain as pleasurable.

9.To me, an emotional connection is essential to good sex. I can't even get hard easily if I don't feel some sort of affection towards you. A woman is never just boobs or a vag to me.

10. Sex is not my primary motivator. Or a motivator, for that matter. I never think, "God, I need to get laid." I'm more interested in emotional intimacy. For me, physical intimacy stems from emotional.

11. I feel broken because of #10. I feel like there is something wrong with me because I don't want to have sex with every woman I find attractive. I hate it.

12. I've never had a frank discussion about sex with someone I wasn't in a relationship with.

13. I admit to being a little bi-curious. It's not about lust, though. I just want to explore sexual intimacy with another man, and see if I enjoy it. I just need to find a guy who's attractive to me.

14. I've wondered what my penis feels like to my lovers. Usually it's in the middle of sex, so they describe it with some blend of semi-mystical worship, but I just want to know what it feels like to them. The texture, shape, even the smell and taste. I just want the opinion of someone who isn't staring at it from my perspective.

15. I love the way a woman smells after the two of you have fucked relentlessly and you're gasping for breath.

16. In a primordial, primitive way, pregnant women are incredibly hot to me. The only time I can recall getting an erection in public was when a woman 8 months pregnant and good looking to begin with came into my job and stood there, waiting for her friends.

17. Does any male my age find your run-of-the-mill porn as strange as I do? I just don't get it.

18. I am living with the last woman I slept with. It was my first sexual experience where I wasn't exclusive with my partner. We haven't had sex in two months, since I moved in. I'm afraid to ask her if we can have sex again. I enjoyed it.

19. Perhaps someday I will find a woman with the patience to let me tie her up in those elaborate knots you see in some BDSM. It's like a gift, just put a bow on top!

20. Having sex has taught me to like my body.

21. Every woman I've slept with has had the rather unique peccadillo of getting extremely wet when listening to heavy metal and alt-rock. Considering that this is my music of choice, this has worked out most favorably.

22. I've never understood role-playing, but I have tried it. Not my thing.

23. I write pretty good erotica (or so I've been told) when I'm having sex on a regular basis.

24. I like having my nipples bitten. Maybe a bit too much...

25. At this point in my life, I feel that as I grow sexually, I grow emotionally, and vice versa. I'm proud of how far I've come, and I'm eager to see how far I'll go.