Saturday, August 13, 2011

1. I'm a 32 year-old, married, outwardly conventional, straight man. Nobody would look twice at me on the street.

2. I lost my virginity at 19 to a girl I thought I loved. The sex was terrible because we didn't have a clue how to communicate.

3. I wasn't in love with the girl in #2. I was in love with a fantasy version of her that I created in my mind.

4. My wife fits my fantasy #2 much better than real girl #2 ever did. For that I'm oddly grateful to girl #2.

5. In college, my best friend gave me and her boyfriend simultaneous hand jobs to distract us while we played Super Smash Brothers.

6. I won, and the two of them gave me a blowjob together.

7. Two weeks later I lost a game of strip poker with them. He fingered and fucked me in the ass while I went down on her.

8. Numbers 5-7 actually cleared any doubt in my mind about my heterosexuality. I tried it with a guy, loved it, crossed it off my list, and have no interest in doing it again.

9. My first girlfriend after college would blow me at the drop of a hat, masturbate while riding in the car, fuck me in semi-public, beg me to fuck her in the ass, rim me, and give me prostate massages, but she never once let me go down on her because she thought it was "dirty."

10. The girl in #9 used to knowingly wear light sundresses with her thong and nipples clearly visible. It was the sexiest thing I've ever seen.

11. #9 taught me that "crazy" will always override "hot" sooner or later. She was a lot of both. Ultimately the crazy won, and I moved on.

12. My wife is hot without an ounce of crazy. She wins.

13. My wife massages my prostate at least once a month. Afterward I have a feeling of emptiness that I can never achieve through ejaculation alone.

14. The only thing I would even remotely consider changing about my wife's sexuality is making her more comfortable being dominant in the bedroom. Every once in a while I would love it if she would throw me down and sit on my face.

15. If I had to choose only one sexual act that I could do for the rest of my life, it would be going down on my wife. I suspect she might choose the same.

16. My wife and I have an explicit rule of, "look, think, talk, but don't touch" when it comes to other people.

17. Rule #16 has led to some amazing sex for us. Sometimes my wife will meet a hot guy and act her fantasies out on me. As far as I'm concerned, anything that keeps us fucking is a good thing.

18. My wife doesn't know about 5-7 and never will. As far as I know, the only people who know about it were there, and one of them is dead now (car accident).

19. Almost every girl I've ever dated has been at least moderately kinky. This leads me to believe that most people are, if given an opportunity to let it come out.

20. I don't talk to girl #2 anymore, but I've heard that she's a lesbian now. This doesn't surprise me at all and I'm happy for her.

21. Somewhere on the internet there's a picture of me from when I was 21, blindfolded and hogtied on the bed wearing only black boxer-briefs, with a butt-plug, a bottle of lube and a realistic dildo sitting next to me.

22. The only unfulfilled thing on my sexual to-do list is to be dominated by two or more women. I don't think it'll ever happen, and I'm quite OK with that. I suspect it's better as a fantasy anyway.

23. I'm uncircumcised and extremely grateful to my hippie parents for making that choice. Not only is my head super-sensitive, but the feeling of the foreskin stretching can be incredibly pleasurable. Masturbation without lube is super easy too.

24. Six out of the eight girls who've seen my penis said it was the first uncircumcised dick they'd seen in person.

25. I think that hand-jobs are highly underrated when done correctly.

Friday, August 12, 2011

1 I am a 23-year-old in a slim, petite female body.

2 I've been physically attracted to women since I was 9. I find femininity and the female figure more beautiful than anything in the world, I feel passionate about it, I wish I could talk about it every day.

3 Since I was 13 I've been struggling with what might be termed the sociality of homosexuality. I find it hard to communicate my sexuality to heteronormative people. At the same time, I don't feel comfortable with the gay scene, because I feel like a traitor for so consistently falling in love with men. In short, I'm carrying a huge amount of shame for both aspects of my sexual orientation.

4 I've fallen in love with around 4 men in my lifetime so far. All events have been extremely dramatic. My crushes on women are never quite as bothersome.

5 I was sexually abused by my last boyfriend. We broke up five months ago and I'm still coming to terms with it. The way he raped me was quite complicated, it wasn't like he held me down and forced himself on me. He was using "pick up" techniques to make me feel like my consent didn't really matter. In the end I was just letting him fuck me when I didn't want it, and I felt cold and worthless inside. The recovery process after all this is extremely difficult, and I frequently want to die rather than continue carrying this pain.

6 When I was 16 or 17 years old I experienced a lot of gender dysphoria. I hated being in a female body, felt very alienated from it, and wore very baggy male clothing almost all the time. Eventually this stopped, and I'm not sure why. I was very depressed for a while, so perhaps I was finding strength in my masculinity, and as I became happier again and wanted to embrace the world once more, I fell more in line with cisgendered social norms.

7 My gender expression became yet more feminine because my ex put me under a lot of pressure to change my appearance and personality to suit his idealization of a perfect girlfriend, so that he could feel like more of a man. Since breaking up with him, I almost immediately felt drawn to the masculine side of my personality again. I've taken up an idiosyncratic kind of crossdressing, wearing dapper male clothing and binding my chest, and while I don't feel uncomfortable in a female body anymore, I don't feel cisgendered either. I don't know how long this will continue, but I don't want it to fade away again like it did before; even though it makes my identity more complicated, I really love this side of my personality.

8 If this does continue for a long while, I will be proud to call myself genderqueer. I feel uncomfortable calling myself bisexual, but I think being genderqueer is awesome. I've very recently started participating in genderqueer activity online and IRL, and I find it so encouraging and inclusive.

9 I'm worried that my masculinity is a response to the sexual abuse, since I've become very aware of the submissiveness of femininity and I'm terrified by my complicity in the abuse. I'd be heartbroken if I discovered that I was only presenting as masculine because I'm afraid of being raped again. However, my crossdressing feels more positive this time around than it did when I was a teenager. I don't hate being female, and I still present as feminine fairly regularly, I just really love presenting as masculine.

10 I'm currently in a relationship with a wonderful man. Although he presents as male consistently, our relationship doesn't feel gendered at all; it works no matter what gender I present as, we seem to have a strong connection that has nothing to do with reinforcing the oppositional gender of the other partner.

11 It feels absolutely awesome to finally be in a relationship with another bisexual person. I feel more comfortable with my bisexuality than I used to, because within the context of our relationship it's completely normal. Neither one of us can comprehend exclusive homo- or heterosexuality.

12 With my current partner I've been able to take up pegging, and I love it. We'd been talking about it for a while, and I was putting it off because I wasn't sure what it meant for me to want something like that. I finally decided to take the plunge and buy myself a strap-on when I was playing with my dildo one night and seriously got off on imagining it was my own penis, pretending to masturbate like a man. My partner really enjoys it, and often has multiple orgasms.

13 My dick is goddamn awesome. I sometimes wish I could have a real penis, but most of the time I'm perfectly satisfied with my shiny, silicone, curvy, black dildo. I only wish I had sensation on the shaft itself, rather than having to rely on the pressure it puts on my clitoris. My partner is researching cyborging, so I'm hoping that one day, many years from now when nerve splicing has been perfected, we can build me a prosthetic with sensation.

14 I've never before felt so immediately sure that I want to marry someone as I have my current partner. It usually takes much longer for me to cross that boundary. I've also never believed in the shared vision of a future together so strongly as I do with my current partner. Unfortunately, he is going away to study for a Ph.D abroad. He'll be home every few months, and in 18 months I can move out there to be with him. Hopefully it will work out between us. If we make it to me moving out there I'm going to propose.

15 I come extremely easily - usually within less than a minute of stimulation. The people I've slept with seem to really enjoy this. I enjoy it too, of course, but it does make it a little too easy for me to receive more foreplay than I give, which is a pity. Thankfully, now that I'm pegging I can give back, which feels awesome.

16 I squirt, in huge quantities. Until my current partner, everyone I had slept with found this kind of unusual and inconvenient. My partner finds it a huge turn-on. He often tries to drink as much of it as possible, but it usually comes out faster than he can swallow it. Since we started sleeping together, I've been able to really enjoy squirting.

17 I feel very masculine when I squirt. I'm very proud of being able to ejaculate; on people, and on furniture. I feel like I'm marking my territory, or at least my presence in someone's life. I also love coming back and making out in the same spot a few hours later and smelling my own scent; I become deeply and primally turned on by it.

18 Masochism was a prominent part of my sexual expression for a very long time. I still get turned on when wrestling with my partner and getting pinned down, but I soon become overwhelmingly frightened because it reminds me of being abused by my ex.

19 The same goes for any flirtatious talk about tying my partner up. It turns me on a little, but that quickly gives way to a panic attack as I become afraid of becoming a rapist. I don't feel like I'm dominating my partner in a sadistic way when I'm pegging him, although the power balance does shift tremendously when he's the one being penetrated rather than me.

20 It might also be that my S&M desires have faded away since a psychoanalyst advised me that it probably has its roots in my experiences as a baby with a cleft lip and palette. I couldn't breastfeed, and even bottle feeding was a struggle, so those first experiences of intimacy with my mother became a desperate attempt to get food and intimacy by inflicting pain on myself. My sexuality became the same way. Masochism has lost some of its power for me since I learned that.

21 I feel slightly burdened by my own physical attractiveness. I'm not exactly pretty enough for the media, but I do have a close-to-ideal female body. I'm a US size zero, although I'm very short so I don't look skeletal. I have C- to D-cup breasts and a small waist, and slim legs. This means that if I do turn out to be masculine-of-center for the long term, the decision to start bodybuilding to make my body suit my gender expression will be a huge step. I don't want to have such a feminine body, but knowing how much this body is prized by wider society, it's hard to give it up.

22 The ideal body for my gender expression as it is right now would probably be the same from the waist down, but I would want smaller, more muscular breasts and wider shoulders. Generally I would like to be more muscular, partly so that I look good wearing short sleeves when I'm in boy mode, and partly so that I could spar on an equal footing with my partner if I learn a martial art. I'd never be buff by the standards expected of a man, but I'm okay with that, I'd just like to build some muscle.

23 Although I've had sex with women, I feel like the sex with my partner is the queerest I've ever had. I think by that I mean that it feels totally authentic - I'm not trying to be anything I'm not, and I don't think he is either. We only have sex when we really want to have sex with each other - we never compromise for the other person, and never use the other person just to get off recreationally. It feels queer when he has multiple orgasms with my beautiful silicone dick inside him, and it feels queer when he eats me out and drinks my ejaculate, because we're engaging fully and completely in our own sexual expression, rather than performing what Hollywood told us sex was supposed to be like.

24 I'll probably start missing sex with women at some point, but the desire isn't there at the moment. I'm okay admiring women and flirting with them without doing anything. I know that polyamory is not for me, but if the time comes that both of us need to fulfill sexual desires that can't be met by the other person then I'd be happy with us both going and doing that for a short time.

25 My last relationship was semi-open, which was terrible, for a variety of reasons. One of these reasons was that it was easier for my ex to meet girls than it was for me, partly because of him being a heterosexual male, but also because I'm near-teetotal and he wasn't. Most girls my age seem to find it kind of odd and alienating that I don't smoke weed. Again, it's great to finally have a partner who is on the same page as me on that one, as he also only drinks for taste and isn't interested in drugs. He's never going to bug me about not being able to have wine with dinner, or not being able to have sex while high.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

We're back after that unexpected break. If you've been thinking about making your own list and sending it in, now would be a fine time.
1. I am a transman, FTM, from Russia (excuse me for the mistakes, I'm not a native speaker). I had my mastectomy and documents change a couple of years ago. Now I'm in my mid-twenties.

2. I identify as... maybe pansexual. Probably. Don't know for sure. I had sex with cis-guys, just to be sure that it couldn't make me less of a man. You know, when you are a teenager-ftm, people often say that you should at least try to have sex with a guy. They say, "straight" sex can wake up "the woman inside you." So, I was very young and stupid, and I tried it a couple of times. For me that was really gay sex. Ewww. But maybe now, post-op, It will be different?

3. I like girls and I've wanted to be with them since I was 12 years old.

4. I am in a constant relationship with a woman now. She is amazing; we have great sex. I love her.

5. I don't use a strap-on, dildo, or whatever. My hands and tongue are always with me. Toys are somewhat scary for me.

6. I like to masturbate.

7. I masturbate in the shower, with water. I discovered this kind of masturbation when I was around 14. When I was twenty-something and already post-op, I learned how to please myself without a shower head, and it was great. It IS great.

8. I don't like vaginal sex. I can't put anything in my vagina--in fact I hate it. But I like oral sex with women. Giving and receiving. I nearly always get an orgasm.

9. I had sex with another FTM. We were drunk, it was a weird experience, I don't remember much. We were in clothes. It was such a shame in the morning. I think, that if I wasn't drunk that night, it couldn't have happened. And I also was starting my testosterone therapy. Libido rises, no girls in our life for that moment, and vodka... oh. Actually, I don't like vodka. Especially with beer.

10. Maybe sex with another transman isn't a bad idea. Maybe, if my current relationship with a woman comes to an end, I'll try it. But I will never have sex with an admirer (man or woman) who doesn't like me as a person and wants to fuck with me just because I'm transsexual. If you just want exotic sex, go fuck somebody else.

11. Sometimes I think about sex with someone else (not with my partner), but it is just thoughts. Not that I really want to do it right now.

12. I like to touch people (and not in a sexual way too). I like to be touched.

13. I am not tall... well, okay, I'm short. 161 cm. But it isn't a problem. I can find a partner, if I want to. I'm not overweight. Dark haired, masculine. I think that I'm attractive.

14. I don't like BDSM. But I like elements of hard sex.

15. I like "69." I like facesitting.

16. I like to watch porn with squirting. But I am not sure that I want to see squirting in real life. Is it pee or something else? I don't know. But squirting orgasms are exciting... at least in videos. I jerk off to squirting porn.

17. I love to hear my partner's moans. I also make noises, especially at the time of orgasm.

18. It's very exciting to try not to make noises--when parents are in the next room, etc.

19. I had sex with an underage girl when I was also underage. So it's not a crime. She provoked me--it was my first sexual experience ever.

20. I don't want phalloplasty. I think the result of this operation isn't beautiful. And what if it can't feel after all? No, thanks. I love my little cock.

21. In Russia there are many homophobes and transphobes. So I don't tell everyone that I'm FTM. Just living as a man is enough. Maybe if I was a cis-male there would be more sexual relationships in my post-op life.

22. I want somebody to make nude photos of me. Maybe someday...

23. I already masturbated today.

24. I've never had a one-night stand or sex with a stranger. Thank God.

25. I have never been raped. Lucky me.