Saturday, July 17, 2010

1. I can't masturbate. More on that later.

2. I've never had an orgasm. Could it be due to #1, or vice-versa? I mean, I like sex, but sometimes I wonder if I'm actually getting physical pleasure from it. And then I wonder if I'm over-analyzing it. Anyway, I don't remember ever having PERFECT sex before, and I wonder if maybe I did, that might be enough. It's my last hope, see.

3. I've never had a conventional boyfriend. I have a long-distance one, we've never met, we've been together for several years. He loves me, he needs me, he knows me and my every desire. I wonder if he could do it perfectly? But at the same time, the few pictures I've seen of him have also made me wonder if I would get in bed with him at all.

4. I keep sex very separate and apart from love. At the time when just about all of my classmates had lost their virginity, I made a conscious decision to do the same. I met up with a guy who lives a couple hours away, and he popped my cherry that night, as agreed upon. Some folks think I'm a little crazy, but why should sex or virginity be that big of a deal, anyway?

5. I have mixed feelings about threesomes. During my second meet-up with my cherry-popper, I brought along the girl who was my best friend at the time. She was much more sex-oriented at the time, so it was kinda her idea. It ended up being more like him-on-her, and then like, he wandered over to me to try and make me feel less left out? I felt really awkward and inadequate the whole time. I don't want to do that again, but I think it was more the people involved than the fact that it was a threesome.

6. My mom thinks I lost my virginity about a year and a half later than I did. She never met my cherry-popper, and I never had the guts to tell her about him. Meeting guys over the internet is sketchy? Anyway, the guy she's familiar with (and thinks took my virginity) is from Chicago, about 6 hours away. He and I were very loosely involved, but met up quite a few times. I think he was probably the best-endowed I've seen to date! He was also pretty darn good, and probably got me the closest to orgasm. He's happily with someone else now, though, and we've kinda fallen out of touch.

7. At the moment, my current interest is a poly, male, bisexual couple. The younger guy is a friend of mine from childhood, which brings up flashing lights in reference to #5, but I think it might be okay, mostly because he and I had sex shortly after the three of us discussed the whole arrangement. The older guy (about 12 years older, yikes!) is his loving boyfriend who thinks that I might be able to help them in the bedroom. I'm looking forward to it, if it ever does end up happening. There might be bondage involved, and I'm new at that.

8. Hrm... toys. If you ask me, a piece of rubber or silicone or whatever-you're-using will never be as nice as an actual penis. A penis is naturally warm, and yielding enough that it doesn't hurt. There's also a big difference between toys by myself, and toys with a partner. By myself, they're completely unattractive, boring, painful, and just overall not a good idea. With a partner, I don't mind them as much, because usually I'll be nicely aroused and lubricated by that point. Still, though, they don't really do a whole lot for me, not even with a vibe.

9. My clit is useless. It does nothing when I try it, and so far has had nothing but pain when others try it. But again, back to #2, I think maybe it's never been done perfectly. It's almost as though guys know that it's there, and they're supposed to do something with it. So they treat it like a button and just press it as hard as they can! Nobody's ever tried gentle circles around it, and I think that might be the ticket. Maybe one day I'll find out.

10. As far as my G-spot goes, I can't tell if I've actually got one or not. Many have tried to find it, but there has been no conclusive data either way.

11. When I say many, I think my number of sex partners is at... 8. I keep track of it all in a little black book, but I'm too lazy to go get it as I type this. Of those 8, there are only 3 that I would consider sleeping with again at this point in time.

12. I really don't mind anal! Back when I was still a virgin, I wanted to explore my sexuality but was afraid of breaking my hymen. So I explored anally, and found it wasn't so bad. To this day, I can still take longer and wider insertions anally than I can vaginally. Another thing that's never been done to me before was double-penetration, either with a toy or with two penises. That's another reason why I hold high hopes for the couple in #7.

13. My sex dreams are sorely lacking. There are only two I can remember, and for some reason they both have the recurring theme of penetration through clothing. As in, I'm so wet that I slick over the fabric, and he's so hard that he pushes in anyway, without even unclothing himself. One of these dreams was with #6, and the other one was with my cousin! That still kinda creeps me out. Weird.

14. I'm a furry, and so have been every single one of my 8 partners.

15. I'm curious about using a strap-on! Either on a guy who likes a prostate massage, or maybe on a girl... I've never been with a girl before, but I'm not averse to trying! I made a Lion's Den trip the other day, and picked up an off-brand feeldoe. (The real ones are expensive!) From what little I've tried, I'm a little worried about being able to hold onto it in order to use it effectively. But oh well, if I ever figure out how to masturbate, it'll be useful, I'm sure.

16. Hickeys- I'm too sub to give them, but I don't mind getting them! I just had a bad experience once, when at the time it seemed like the guy was barely sucking at all, but the next morning I woke up with deep maroon bruises ALL OVER my neck that didn't fade for 10 days! I guess I bruise easily, so from now on it'll have to be below the collar. (For those who read Naruto, I'm not kidding, it looked like I had a freakin' curse mark or something.)

17. I'm overweight. (The Wii Fit says obese, but I'm working my way past that line in the foreseeable future!) I've been this way since 2nd grade, and it's completely trashed my self-esteem. My roommate thinks that I could do a lot better than the guys I've been with, but I'm not sure I agree. Also, this sometimes makes sex uncomfortable if it goes on for too long in the same position- I'm not that flexible, so sometimes I'll get sore hip-joints, or sweat from the skin-contact. So either be quick or switch it up!

18. On the subject of positions- the angle and positioning of my vaginal cavity make missionary the easiest and most natural. However, my favorite position is spooning- I love the feeling that he's holding me and wants me, with his hands roaming over my front while he takes me with desire from the back. Because of how I'm built internally, this usually either ends up being anal, or I'll have to kinda t-square off from him at a weird angle.

19. I don't mind doggy-style, though it either wears me out or I get self-conscious and I'll end up flat on the bed. That frustrates him, and makes me feel lazy! I am not fond of being on top. Both because I'm too much of a sub for that, and again because I'm self-conscious. I don't like flapping around in front of him, you know? Lotus or reverse-cowboy might be options. Possibly.

20. What turns me on? A well-written fanfiction, a slow and teasing hand around the labia, an erection grinding needfully at me from behind (usually morning wood).

21. What makes me comfortable? Background noise, like a movie or TV, and cuddling- lots of it. The more you make me think you want me, the happier I'll be. Especially if it's not just my vagina you want!

22. Things that don't do much for me, but you're free to do them if you wish: Touching/fondling my breasts, open-mouthed kissing, going down on me.

23. I'm not too big on giving blowjobs. I'd really have to be in the right mood, or there would have to be chocolate sauce involved. Which is another thing that has yet to happen! In any case, I'm told that I'm good at blowjobs, even though my gag reflex is terrible and I'm always afraid of slipping and hurting him with my teeth. Maybe they just think I'm good because I'd rather swallow the cum than taste something so salty for any longer.

24. I like to experiment, because for all I know there could be something magical out there, just waiting to give me an orgasm, and I just haven't tried it yet! My biggest curiosity at the moment is bondage. I've been trying to figure it out for awhile, with only a slight amount of mental progress that is difficult for me to put into words. I'm still not sure if it's for me, but it can't hurt to try!

25. Would you believe I'm pretty much a prude in real life? Oh sure, I'll discuss it all you like in text format, but for some reason I can't bring myself to say dirty things with my own mouth. I'm pretty sure I've got some kind of mental block. Wish me luck on breaking it down!

Friday, July 16, 2010

1. I hate the term “fucking” when I say it- it sounds ugly, guttural and disrespectful. But when my girlfriend says it, it’s the sexiest thing in the world.

2. I’m a HUGE fan of power dynamics and desperately want to incorporate more BDSM into my sexual encounters. However, my greatest fear in life is being raped, and the juxtaposition of these two items doesn’t sit comfortably.

3. My mother is a nurse midwife, so she was adamant on sexual education at a very young age. This didn’t extend very far into the important stuff about sex like emotional connection, desire, or orgasms, but I did get the basic “talk” around age 6. I believe I compared sex to a party. Little did I know…

4. The first time I had sex was on the third date with my first boyfriend. He had told me he wanted to make love to me on our first real date and I said no, partially because I was positive I’d get pregnant and partially because I knew it was a bad idea emotionally. I hadn’t even considered the possibility of sleeping with him before he brought it up. After he mentioned it, though, I knew that I wanted to have sex, but the act of it scared the shit out of me, so I wasn’t aroused or into it at all when it happened. It was not even remotely enjoyable. I kept having sex with him, though, hoping it would get better. It never did. It wasn’t until about a year and a half and another boyfriend later that I realized I just wasn’t sexually attracted to men. Although I know it couldn’t even remotely qualify as rape, there’s something in the intersection of my desperate need for physical affection, my lack of understanding in the entire situation, and the way he used “I love you” (my first) to get what he wanted that doesn’t make me feel good.

5. My vagina is really small, even when aroused, so sex with both my boyfriends and my vibrator hurts terribly. Mercifully, my girlfriend has small fingers.

6. The idea of being a prostitute always used to repulse me, but I realize now that it was because I always framed it in terms of male customers. If I served a strictly female clientele, the idea becomes not only tolerable, but mildly intriguing.

7. I have the most obscene sex drive when I’m around my girlfriend. When I came to college, though, (about a week before I met her), I had a conversation with my roommate about how I didn’t really like sex and didn’t see what the big deal was.

8. Luckily, my sex drive pretty much shuts down when I’m away from my girlfriend. She’s been gone for over 3 weeks now and I think I’ve masturbated once. This will come in handy, I think, when I study abroad.

9. My little sister had sex before me and gave me a lecture about waiting when I went on the pill because I was going to sleep with my first boyfriend. It pains me to say that her advice was probably right.

10. On the other hand, I feel like no matter how bad my sexual experiences with my first boyfriend were, they opened me up to the idea of myself as a sexual being and without that, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I certainly wouldn’t be able to write as openly and honestly about sex, which is one thing I really enjoy.

11. For years, I thought I was unable to orgasm, but after about 2 weeks of sleeping with my girlfriend, I had my first one. It wasn’t long after that when she got me to have multiples. Life is wonderful.

12. I like to pretend I’m an exhibitionist, but I’m not. After having an argument with my girlfriend, I tried to get her to have sex in the open area of her apartment’s kitchen with her roommate just across the hall in her bedroom. She wouldn’t go along with it. I broke down crying and realized that I was only doing it to avoid dealing with the fight. It was the most ashamed I’d been in our entire relationship. She hugged me and told me it didn’t matter and everything was fine.

13. I love the first 10 seconds of doggie-style sex more than anything in the world. It feels so good and tight, but after about 3 thrusts, it begins to hurt unbearably and I can’t enjoy it anymore. This does not happen when my partner uses fingers, but it also doesn’t feel nearly as good.

14. It pisses me off that I have to post things like this anonymously for fear that my friends, girlfriend, or family might see it and be uncomfortable with it. I respect their limits, but it bothers me to be accountable for so many people’s sensibilities.

15. The morning after my senior prom, my boyfriend took me home and fingered me in the basement because he knew that I didn’t have the strength or stamina to stand regular sex. I didn’t even give him a blow job. I consider this one of the most selfless sexual acts I’ve ever witnessed.

16. This boyfriend, overall actually, was rather selfless. We had a lot of problems with sex because of my shape, so he did research, offered sensual alternatives, and did everything he could to make sure I was enjoying myself as much as possible. At one point, I couldn’t continue the act of sex, so he got up, left the room, and five minutes later brought me to the bathroom where he had drawn a hot bath for us.

17. I talk with my girlfriend all the time about him. Rather than being jealous, she’s thankful for him having treated me so well.

18. I’m moving in with my girlfriend in just over a month and I already can’t imagine myself living my life out with anyone else. Everything from my conception of real, intimate sex to how I carry out my daily routine has been inextricably combined in our co-existence.

19. I’m desperately afraid that when I go to Africa, I will be unable to hide that I am queer and will be raped or abused for it.

20. The professionalism of my new blog makes me feel better about talking about sex in an open forum. It alleviates some of the fears from #14.

21. I have absolutely no desire to be a teacher, but I really, really want to teach a comprehensive sex ed class or workshop at some point in my life. I feel like it is so important, especially for women, to understand and really take hold of their own sexual desire, and if I can give them the resources or the platform to discuss issues of sex and sexuality, that would make me incredibly happy.

22. When I started looking at porn online, I only ever looked for female porn. It never occurred to me that there was porn of men, or that it was even remotely abnormal that I focused on women. I had no conception of my own queerness at the time. I just didn’t look for pictures of penises.

23. I have yet to have that really wild, rip your clothes off, totally uninhibited sex. I can feel it coming in the near future, though, and I am seriously excited.

24. I’ve always wanted to do nude modeling, but felt that I wasn’t thin enough. Now that I’ve lost weight and feel confident about myself, I find that I can’t conscience it because the pictures might end up somewhere my family or friends might see them. And I’m almost certain my girlfriend would not approve.

25. I lost my virginity on Friday the 13th. Somehow I find this fitting.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

1. I am a 22-year-old cissexual heterosexual male who loves to push the boundaries of gender identity. I have a lot of feminine mannerisms and postures, and I have found that going crazy and exaggerating these traits leaves me feeling far more relaxed and confident in social situations. When called upon to act “traditionally” masculine, I freeze up and feel artificial. When I ramp up the camp and femininity, I feel completely natural. I have taken up cross-dressing on occasion, and I feel amazing whenever I do it. I love the idea of completely screwing with what people assume to be true when they think about heterosexual men. 

2. I absolutely love women’s hips. Forget breasts – as far as I’m concerned, a curvy pair of hips is the epitome of sexiness. I have dated at least one woman because I really, really wanted to touch her hips. 

3. With that in mind, I often don’t care too much about the physical appearance of the women I date. I have dated women that I have considered too skinny, too hip-less, too heavy (my threshold for weight is very high as it is), or even blonde. I feel that if I place requirements on appearance, I will risk losing the chance to connect with somebody truly special.

4. I have had a hypnosis fetish since before I knew what sex was. I know for sure that the first time I was ever turned on was while watching something related to mind control or hypnotism – I don’t think I was turned on by the sight of a woman until I hit puberty. Like many hypnofetishists, my first experience was likely watching the scenes from Disney’s The Jungle Book featuring Kaa the snake. It was one of my favorite movies when I was little, and I remember being so curious to feel what Mowgli was feeling as he slowly lost his will by looking in the snake’s eyes.

5. Related to my hypnosis fetish is my huge thing for immobility. It probably came about from the same sources, but I was fascinated by the thought of being trapped in my own body, a living statue. I remember being in a kids’ play at an art camp – there was a scene where we were all hit with a “freeze ray” and had to stand still. I was around six, and was utterly turned on by the thought of being frozen like that. I especially love the idea of a person being turned into a living doll – unable to move, but able to be moved and posed by others.

6. Around puberty, I began to regularly fantasize about being hypnotized, running through imagined scenarios in which I would be controlled in different ways. I would always get an erection from this, but it would be a few more years before I began to actually masturbate. At this point, I didn’t give much thought to who would be doing the controlling, just that I would be controlled.

7. Throughout my childhood and teens, I suspected one of my friends (that I had known since kindergarten) of having a hypnosis fetish herself. She was always interested in the idea of mind control, and she liked to write fanfics featuring characters (always self-inserts) who had mind control powers. She also read Molly Moon’s Incredible Book of Hypnotism and watched Totally Spies (which I later found out was VERY popular among fetishists of all sorts, but especially mind control lovers). She later vaguely expressed guilt about wanting to control other people before changing the subject. During adolescence, I tried many harebrained schemes to try and find out if she had the fetish; none succeeded, and to this day I do not know if she truly has a matching fetish or if she just has a macabre non-sexual interest. I plan on just directly asking next time there’s an opportunity; that will no doubt be incredibly awkward, but I’ve learned that if you want to live life to its fullest, you have to be willing to go nuts sometimes.

8. As puberty really swung into action for me, I started peeking at my brother’s porn bookmarks. I found that I was much more turned on when I imagined that all of the models were hypnotized into performing – until I realized that I could just use a search engine to find actual pornography with hypnotized models. To this day, I am unfazed by porn unless it features hypnosis – although this is not the case in real-life sexual situations (I become very easily aroused in sexual situations involving actual women).

9. After discovering hypnosis porn and erotica, I began searching the internet for every bit of information I could find on real-life hypnotism. I read up on how to perform it, what it was like, what it could and could not do, etc. I even found erotic MP3 induction files and listened to them. Learning how to do it became a hobby.

10. During my early teens, I practiced hypnotism on my male friends during sleepovers and camping trips until I got very good at it. At the time, I was very turned on even though they were males, and although I have not looked back at men (much) since getting my first girlfriend, I still ponder on this bit of bi-curious experimentation.

11. Somewhere along the line, I went from primarily submissive in my fetish to primarily dominant. As I said before, my early fantasies were all about being controlled and feeling my will being sapped away. However, at some point I began to thoroughly enjoy the idea of being the one in control. It was at least partially shaped by practicality – I proved to be a poor hypnotic subject (whenever my friends, taught by me, would put me under; or when I tried induction MP3s and videos I had downloaded), but a talented hypnotist.

12. For a long time, I struggled with my dominant tendencies. I felt that it was wrong for a man to dominate and control a woman. However, my participation in the online hypnofetish community gave me confidence that I could reconcile my belief in gender equality with my fetish – it wasn’t about being a male dominating women, it was about taking a role (with accompanying responsibilities and ethics) that suited me. Furthermore, these communities (along with some BDSM communities) provided suggestions and guidelines for ethical conduct in fetish play, which has been an invaluable resource. I also dedicated myself to making sure that whenever I indulge in my hypnosis and immobility fetishes, I make sure that it is a safe, comfortable, and enjoyable experience for the other person.

13. I enjoy providing pleasure more than receiving it. I love to see a woman feeling wonderful because of what I am doing, whether with my hands, my tongue, or my hypnotism skill.

14. I hypnotized my first girlfriend on our first date. We were not officially in a relationship at the time (we both strategically avoided the word “date” for an inordinate length of time due to terminal shyness), and the trance was not very deep, but it was awesome to me. She later turned on to be a natural at going into trance, and I rejoiced that she enjoyed the immobility play that I loved.

15. Although I hypnotized said first girlfriend many, many times, I never French kissed her, never saw her naked, and never got past second base with her. The latter two were because she was not comfortable with either; the former was because I more or less didn’t care enough to try, wrapped up as I was in the fetish-y fun. 

16. To this day, I am still a virgin. In fact, I have yet to give or receive oral sex; I have not even given or received a hand job. Nonetheless, my fetish has led to me leading a very fun and colorful sex life.

17. Sexuality and fetishism are a huge part of my core identity. I feel that my sexuality sets me apart from other people to the point that it is essential to the very experience of being me. My sexuality has taken on an even greater importance since I have begun to socialize with BDSM practitioners, with whom I feel comfortable and at home.

18. I once had a friend with benefits. I found the Erotic Mind Control Stories Archive in her laptop bookmarks and told her that I had the same interest. We played on and off for a while, having some truly spectacular sexual encounters. However, we basically hated each other and had nothing in common aside from this fetish. It was ultimately messy, unfulfilling, and painful; nonetheless, I learned a lot about myself.

19. Despite the problems, I relished the idea that my friend with benefits liked me only for my hypnotic/sexual prowess. It gave me a rush of power and self-confidence.

20. Some traces of submissiveness show up even in my dominating style. Whenever I hypnotize and dominate a woman, I always feel as though I am vicariously submitting at the same time. It is a curious sensation.

21. BDSM munches are some of my favorite social events. I love how the conversations start with fetishes and get incredibly personal. The people at these events tend to be very open-minded and kind to newcomers – it’s a wonderful atmosphere. I can’t help feeling good about myself and my sexual proclivities when surrounded by such awesome people who have similar interests.

22. I get a lot of enjoyment out of looking at attractive men. I do not consider myself bisexual simply because I prefer women too much to seriously consider a long-term relationship with a man, and no male-on-male sex acts interest me. Nonetheless, I have a strong aesthetic appreciation for men.

23. My parents never really talked about sex while I was growing up, and I never got a formal “talk” about it. I did find out that my parents had not had much (or possibly any) sex since I was born, which makes me kind of sad. I also found out that my dad is into BDSM, while my mom is adamantly not into it. I still have not broached the subject with my dad, and I do not intend to.

24. My mom and I recently walked in on my grandparents having sex. My mom was quite traumatized and did not want to talk about it. While I did not express it, my reaction was: “Hey, good for them!”

25. I’d still really like to try being a sub sometime, possibly during some bondage play. It would be a cool change of pace from being a dom.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

1. I know I want to write this, but I don’t know where to start. I think that’s pretty much my approach to sex – I know what I want, but don’t know how to go about getting it , and why I am trying to learn to be less timid.

2. I’m very open-minded sexually. I am willing to try most things, and am keen to push the boundaries (my own). Even if the boundary seems far away from where I am now, I’ll move slowly toward it, breaking through each interim boundary until I’m ready to bash through the final one. And then find another. My only rule with regards to sex is consent. As long as there’s consent, the act is good. Pleasure is good.

3. I don’t know where I got #2 from. My parents hardly ever spoke to me about sex. My mom talked about my dad’s sexuality/sex drive as if it were a burden, a disease, something that disgusted her. She even told me that I was conceived at one of those times when he’d wanted to “screw” and she’d resisted, and how she’d hoped she hadn’t conceived that night as it was terrible for a baby to made when a husband rapes his wife. She’d make sure we knew she thought things like swingers and group sex were signs of a weak relationship. But she kept porn, and to this day does not know I know about her porn collection.

4. My husband is my favorite person. He and I have been together since we were very young. Initially, I wanted to move faster than he did. I always wanted to go to the “next base” before he did. The first time we had sex, we were both incredibly horny. We were at a friend’s house, for a party, in her bedroom. We couldn’t help ourselves. We fucked without a condom and it was amazing. It felt so good to have his penis inside me. Before that, I’d had “intercourse” twice. But I hadn’t wanted to. It was a peer-pressure thing. I’d lain there dead still, dead quiet, like a paper doll until he was done. I’d hated it. It hurt. I wanted it to stop but was mute. My friends had joked about how he’d complained that I just lay there. To this day I worry that they think I’m terrible in bed. Luckily, my husband knows I’m not ;-)

5. I always noticed pretty women. When I was 14 I had a huge crush on Angelina Jolie. I have always found it much easier to get along with boys/men than with girls/women. It took me till I was 25 to properly realize I am bisexual. I guess having had a partner since I was 13/14 I’d never really needed to think about it that much. I had a partner and always found I was not really attracted to anyone else – male or female. I’d notice they were good looking, but seldom fantasize about anyone else. Somewhere this all changed – we started investigating polyamory and I realized I am fully bisexual. I still can’t remember what event triggered the start of the investigation into polyamory. It's working quite well so far – we talk about sex and commitment and jealousy and emotions and all sorts a lot more openly now, and we’ve thoroughly enjoyed our “encounters” thus far.

6. When I was 17 a best friend of my husband and mine (who we’d done everything with – holidays, parties, the 3 of us were inseparable), started making moves on me. Every time we had alcohol he’d try and kiss me, and tell me he loved me. It got worse and worse until, when I was 19, we went away for the weekend. My husband did not come with as he was away at a LAN. We got stupidly drunk and it was very very cold. I was in my tent and he called me from his to come share to keep warm. I went. There were 4 of us in the tent and he started groping me. Once again I found myself frozen, dead still, like a doll. He pulled my pants down, went down on me for a very short while, stuck his dick half an inch in and then pulled out and came on my stomach immediately. That was the first and only time in my life that I’d had a smelly infection, and I still worry today that he thinks my pussy stinks (I can’t believe he even went down on me), and that I’m a dead doll in bed. I left as soon as the sun came up, fetched my husband and told him what happened. He blamed me and I blamed myself, even though I knew I didn’t want any of it. I saw a therapist for a year. I cried every time to the very last session. We stopped being friends for a long time, but now we are becoming good friends again. He has apologized to both of us, and I am OK with that, at long long last.

7. 25 seems to be a big year for me. I started my own sex blog and love writing posts for it, had my first threesome, first proper girl-on-girl experience, I got a naughty piercing a month before my 25th, and many other sexual confidence and -experience milestones reached. Most importantly, I think it’s the first year of my life where I have a positive body-image. From 13-20 I was relatively severely bulimic. My husband would literally hold me down to stop me from going to the bathroom after meals. It was only really due to living with him that the bulimia stopped, but I still had the self-hating thoughts. Somehow, I have reached a point of liking my body. I love my small tits, something I always loathed. Now I actually think my body shape is amongst my favorite for a woman. I can’t wait to see what comes when I’m 26.

8. My husband has a thing for pee. At first I freaked, then realized I was more hurt because he hadn’t shared it with me (why was I not approachable?), then realized he was ready to approach anyone and that’s why, and then started (slowly) pushing my own boundaries in this regard and am now looking to fun years ahead of experimenting with piss-play.

9. I like public nudity / exhibitionism in general. I think 26 will be the age I finally tan topless on general non-nudist beaches…. And do other stuff (without getting caught).

10. I like anal sex and thumbs and toys and stuff up my bum. I love double penetration. I’m not ashamed of that, I don’t see what the big deal with anal is.

11. When I was about 7, I was "playing" at a friend’s house after school. In her room, we played "house house"... but more like "couple couple" - we were a "married couple" going about couple-like things. I can't remember all the details... I know I wasn't very happy with the game, and wanted to stay on the floor, but she wanted to move into the bed to "cuddle". When we got on the bed, she said we must get under the blankets and take our clothes off. Again, I can remember feeling uneasy, but also wanting to impress (she was a much prettier girl and I was a shy, introverted child... I was definitely consciously using her to try be more popular and make more friends). We were under the blankets, I had my panties on, but she was completely naked. We were "cuddling"... and I was hot, and felt "funny down there". We were interrupted by our mothers, who freaked out, I was yanked home and sent to my room. Much later in the evening my mom and came in and nervously, but slightly angrily, asked me if there were any "bad things" happening to me that I needed to tell her. I said there weren't any, the truth. She then got very angry and told me to never ever do what I had done this afternoon again. (Sidebar: psychologists going crazy with theories about the girl, about my mom, and about my bi-curiosity, they are obvious theories, let’s move on...)

12. I hardly ever masturbate. But I think this is because I have been with my husband for so long, and he has always been around to service my needs when I am horny. I wonder why some girls claim they don’t masturbate. I mean, I know there is a societal stigma etc…. but really, why deny that you are a functioning sexual being? Claiming you don’t masturbate when you’re single is like admitting to the world that you’re sexually dysfunctional and somehow proud of it. Isn’t sexual health part of “health and well-being?”

13. Even though I love to read, write and talk about sex, I have never spoken about sex with my sister. The thought of that freaks me out. I’m scared we’d be too similar in our turn-ons, or not similar at all. I don’t know why that scares me, but it does. I know she enjoys sex, like me, because her husband makes that clear.

14. I wish you could buy vibrators in the grocery store, next to the condoms and lube. I know you can get the disposable vibrating cock rings, so maybe that’s a step in the right (sex positive) direction.

15. I like anal and pee and being tied up. This does not mean I like degradation. In fact, it’s the worst idea imaginable for me. I would hate to be called names or slapped and spat on during sex. I write this so that people know that things like rope-play can be done in a mutually-reinforcing way, and it's not always about a BDSM or rape-fantasy scenario. I like the ropes 'cause I am forced to not worry about moving or being active. Physically, I can be completely passive, and let my mind do all the work. And I’m not thinking about being an unwilling participant, ever. But that’s still OK for those who do…

16. People who know me think I only ever wear flat shoes. I have a secret cupboard full of high heels. I think they’re sexy. I like to take pictures in them.

17. I’m not one who enjoys sex when I have my period. I like to give my husband lots of blowjobs at that time. I have quite a thing for cock-sucking, but he is generally a giver in bed, so these are the few days where his cock is mine and he can’t let his hands/tongue/cock go wondering with the aim of giving me pleasure. It gets me really wet to give him blowjobs from flaccid to orgasm.

18. I think that sexual encounters are way better with people who one actually loves. By love, however, I don’t mean commitment, I mean love. I believe a person can love numerous people at the same time, without having to love any one of them less as a result. I believe that sexual interaction is a very positive and natural expression of love for another.

19. When I was 13 I was sexually promiscuous. I handed out handjobs and even a few blowjobs fairly easily. I once asked a boy if I could give him a blowjob and he declined and spread stories about me being a slut. I was quite open with my activities, though, so I don’t think it was news to anyone. It hurt me that people called me a slut, so, even though I actually quite enjoyed the encounters, I’d make out as if I had been drunk/high and regretted it.

20. I love someone going down on me, but it is easier for me to come if I have someone close to me – lying close to my chest, face, neck – breathing, touching, kissing as I near climax.

21. Another good way for me to come is the reverse cowgirl. Vibrator on clit, penis in vagina, fingers playing with bum and hearing him loving it…. Very close to instant climax.

22. I respond very well to smells and tastes. A healthy, hygienic natural smell and taste is great. Vanilla or something sweet on a woman and Axe Adrenalin on a man is amazing. The latter is my husband’s deodorant and has been since we met. Before we lived together, if he left a T-shirt at my place, I’d sleep with it to smell him next to me. Now if I smell it, I feel at home, so happy and content. A plant-based diet makes the best tasting men and women, so yes, your diet is important in determining what I will do with you.

23. I like going to strip clubs and watching porn. I worry that some of the girls are exploited, but how does one tell which ones? I do not believe that all porn, prostitution and stripping is necessarily exploitation or anti-feminist. This is a moral dilemma for me.

24. I think there is a double standard (amongst many) in which married men often complain about their unsatisfactory sex lives, how they want their wives to open up, be more exploratory, share their fantasies and desires etc, but these self-same men hide their kinks, fantasies and desires from their wives. Often, both are living secret sexualities and complaining that the other doesn’t open up about it. It does worry me, though, that for many of these men they cannot open up to their wives as these women believe anything slightly deviant- even just looking at porn- is some sort of illness. It is a great concern to me that many fetishes are classified disorders in the DSM-IV. See my point 2 – as long as there is consent, I don’t see how pleasure can be “wrong”. (I realize that things that become all-consuming to the point of ruining functioning in other aspects of life could benefit from some sort of help, but a specific desire or act in and of itself should not be classified as a mental disorder.)

25. Right now, I’d really love to have an orgy. Even just a masturbation party would be good.