Tuesday, April 27, 2010

1. Almost everyone in my life knew I was queer before I did, one of my parents included. I was in hardcore denial until fairly recently, mostly because I was brought up in a place where "the gays were damned to eternity in hell" and where "fags" got beat up in school. Realizing I was someone that could inspire such strong feelings, even if they were bad ones, from so many people that I knew and grow up with was intimidating and liberating at the same time.

2. I hate when people say that I'm a lesbian. I don't think I am. I'm just me; who I happen to be sleeping with shouldn't mean anything. I may be with the most amazing woman on the planet, but I still think penises are cute.

3. That being said, if I had to identify as something I would say I'm gender-queerish. I would considering going through the transition process if I wasn't phobic of hospitals/surgery/drugs. I love it when people mistake me for a guy - those are the few times when I really feel like I'm myself.

4. Also, the first time I ever used a strap-on was quite possibly the most amazing sexual experience I've ever had. It was awkward and there was much laughter and general confusion, but I was lucky enough to be with a patient partner who knew more about what to do than I did.

5. I was engaged to a boy once. We'd dated for five and a half years and it seemed like the right thing to do. I'm so glad that I realized it was a mistake before we actually tied the knot.

6. My ex (#5) raped me - even if I didn't understand that was what it was at the time. He just pushed the issue of anal sex until I gave in and it was the most horrible and painful thing that has ever happened to me and I couldn't make him stop. I still can't handle any anal play because of it, I have panic attacks if my partner tries.

7. I've always been concerned about not knowing the limits of my own strength, especially in bed. My partner LOVES spanking but it took me a long time to be comfortable enough to try it. Turns out I really like spanking her so the moral of the story is that it's always good to try new things.

8. Body art and modification makes me horny. I think piercings and tattoos are unbelievably sexy, the more the better. I have twenty-three piercings and two tattoos with many more of both planned. There's just something about a person taking their already amazing and unique body and decorating it that I find so hot. It also shows that they're okay with a little pain, which I like to think means they might be okay with kinkier sex. True? I don't know - but it fuels my fantasies so I believe it.

9. Bondage is something I've had a hard time learning to enjoy. I really like my partner being able to touch me when we're having sex, but I have come to understand that she needs to be tied up and ravished every now and then.

10. I don't think I'll ever be okay with being submissive, I'm a top through and through. I like being able to control a situation and taking care of my partner.

11. My younger sister has had way more sexual partners than I have, but is still not okay with her sexual fantasies and kinks and I'm far more accepting of mine. I think that I've accomplished more with my few sexual partners in that respect. Learning that what you like is okay, no matter what it is, should be priority number one I think.

12. I'd never had an orgasm with the guys I slept with. I'd never masturbated either. It was just not something I understood at all - I grew up in a sheltered, Christian, homeschooler family where sex just was NOT talked about outside of "save yourself for marriage". My first orgasm was with my current partner and it was a revolutionary moment in my sex life.

13. I'm ashamed to say I faked it ALL the time with my male partners. I usually just wanted them to get on, get off and get out. It's something I wish I hadn't done, and looking back now I'm not sure why I felt I needed to do it.

14. When I first thought I might be having sex with my current partner I immediately ran out and bought "How-To" books on lesbian sex. I liked her so much I didn't want to screw it up. Performance anxiety? You bet.

15. Having a fuck-buddy did wonders for my self-confidence in the sack. Just knowing that there was someone out there that could just want my body and not necessarily need my intellect was strangely appealing.

16. I think one of my deepest, darkest fantasies is of a rape/non-con. scenario. I think it would help me get over a lot of my trust and control issues in bed. I also know that I'm not ready for it yet. But maybe someday.

17. I love that my partner thinks my rugby uniform is sexy.

18. I think dreadlocks are hot, even though I would never get them on myself.

19. I'm a size queen, the bigger the better, girth especially. Not freakishly thick or anything, but 2 1/2 - 3 inch dildos are perfect for me. I have yet to try anything bigger than that, but I'm pretty confident that I could not only take it, but love it.

20. Somewhere deep down I'm pretty sure I'm a romantic. Even if what I consider romantic is assembling a bookshelf or calling and bitching out the cable company just so my partner doesn't have to do it.

21. I was really, unspeakably, insulted when one of my friends said that I was 'U-Hauling' my partner because we had only technically been dating for a few months when we moved in together. It was so much more complicated than she understood and we both knew it was just the right thing for us, and hearing a decision that we had talked about at length trivialized pissed me off. There shouldn't be a timeline for a loving relationship in my opinion.

22. My whole back is almost hypersensitive, it's my biggest erogenous zone. Nipples, ears, neck, NOTHING compares to how sensitive my back is. The lightest of touches makes me horny, running fingernails across it makes me beg.

23. I once was so into going down on my partner that I got a nosebleed from breathing so heavily through my nose and not coming up for air properly. Had to learn that breathing comes first, cunnilingus comes second.

24. I can't watch porn. I've really tried to, all different kinds, but it either grosses me out or makes me laugh. I'd rather go off and HAVE sex than watch actors having it.

25. That being said, I really enjoy erotic literature and artwork. They leave something to my imagination.

Monday, April 26, 2010

1. Images of gay sex, kissing and mutual masturbation (both m/m and f/f) really turn me on.

2. Droughts have become a part of my sexual routine. After losing my virginity, I didn’t have sex for three years, then have had one or two year breaks in between partners.

3. I lost my virginity at fourteen, on my bedroom floor whilst drunk, to a seventeen-year-old guy who I knew through a friend. We had sex once more, in the toilet of a friend’s place, again drunk. I barely remember either experience, except that it was painful and I felt self-conscious about being naked.

4. I didn’t enjoy sex until about the eighth time. It wasn’t so much that it was horrible or uncomfortable, just that it never met my expectations. I think my ideas of sex had come from books, where everything seemed so much more meaningful and significant. It was less about romance and more about the animalistic, orgiastic scenes. I was underwhelmed by the reality, and it took me a long time to realize that I needed to take control and ask for what I wanted.

5. I've had sex with three other people before, but found it difficult to coordinate. I'd really like to have a threesome with a guy and another girl.

6. I had a hymen which refused to break. It stretched (painfully) for the first few times, but when I tried to have sex with a guy with a larger penis, the pain was unbearable. In the end, I had to have surgery to remove the extra tissue. Afterwards, I was scared to try again for a while, but got involved with an older woman during this time, and she made the whole experience not only bearable but great.

7. I have been with both men and women, from my age to thirteen years older. I find all the preconceptions around 'bisexuality' really hard to navigate. I'm definitely not 'party-bi', but as I haven't had any long-term relationships with either gender, I don't know that I could really 'choose' either gender to focus on. I have found that men make me feel good at some times, and at other times women turn me on more. I don't want to impose definitions on myself or anyone else, but I have found it really hard to know how to identify. Straight people don't tend to understand that I can be really involved with women, while other gay women tend to assume that I'm just 'playing gay'. If anything, gay men have been the most accepting friends in my life.

8. The anti-depressants that I take made it extremely difficult to have an orgasm for a couple of years. Eventually I asked my doctor to change the medication – a total lack of orgasm made me feel more depressed. Since then, I have often reached climax much faster than my partners have.

9. I don't think I've ever really been in love. In lust, maybe, but I don't think it was ever love.

10. I saw ‘Holy Smoke’ as a twelve-year-old. I have often thought of it during sex and masturbation. Although I don’t often fantasise about rape, there is something I find enthralling about power balances within sexual relationships. The scene where Kate Winslet is standing naked in the desert and wets herself seems to be branded onto my brain. She is so gorgeous - delicate and emotionally devastated, yet with this amazing strength and glow.

11. I’ve never had a relationship longer than two months, either sexual and/or emotional. As soon as I realize that I actually like someone, my expectations of them change, and I freeze up. It’s often the same with purely sexual relationships - when I begin to really enjoy myself and feel comfortable, I tend to pull away in order to avoid becoming emotionally involved.

12. I have unsafe sex despite knowing better. I think it's some sort of personal test, like I need to prove something to myself. I get tested really regularly, to the point where my doctor asked if I was doing sex work.

13. I prefer photographic erotica and pornography, rather than video or audio porn. I feel more sensitive to auditory "faking," and I like to imagine those parts of the fantasy in my own way.

14. I recently had the morning-after pill for the first time. I had always been vigilant about taking the Pill, but stopped recently without any real reason. When he asked me where he should come, I said I wanted him to do it inside me. Late the next day, I realised that it could have been a life-changing moment and that I needed to reverse it.

15. With female partners, I have never given oral sex. I have received it but none of the other women have wanted me to do it for them. I want to try though, because I find vaginas so enticing. There's something about the fleshy softness of them, I hope that I can taste and touch one/them in the near future. I find penises quite repulsive and struggle to work out how to stimulate them properly. Giving head disgusts me and I don't have the gag reflex to do it for long. Generally I don't offer it, or I deflect requests.

16. I've only recently begun using a vibrator, but have bought several sex toys since. I'm keen to try a strap-on with a female partner, both giving and receiving. I'd love to feel like I was really 'fucking' a girl, in a different way.

17. I love having sex in the morning, but always feel self-conscious about having smelly breath.

18. I love to be fucked by men but sometimes want to be the one doing the fucking.

19. I did a nude photo shoot recently for an erotic website. I've also been in touch with another company who might sign me up to do some more detailed shoots. I really enjoyed the first shoot because I took the photos myself, but I'm nervous about doing the shoot with photographers. Although I feel quite comfortable in my own body, I'm not much of a performer and would hate to 'pose' for porn - I want to do more creative, erotic work, like in vintage modelling shoots. It's the type of erotica that I enjoy, where my imagination has to kick in to complete the fantasy, rather than having it all handed to me on a platter.

20. I really want to fuck a pre-op transgender (f-m).

21. I've discovered ben-wa balls. I love to have them in during the day while running errands such as shopping, and being quietly turned on around other people. Sitting down on the tram can make me insanely horny with the right help!

22. The guy I'm sleeping with at the moment talks dirty to me, but it's so subtle and sincere, I have never found anything like that so sexy before.

23. Close friends have always seen me as being a very sexual person, but long periods of celibacy mean that sometimes I don't think about sex for months. It seems to be a cycle which has developed, where after about 3 months of not even thinking about sex, I'll have a dream which suddenly triggers several weeks of highly sexual thoughts, behaviours and activities. Then I might drift back into a non-sexual period again.

24. Ever since I was about sixteen, I've had a strong drive to have children. I have just had intense feelings of needing to procreate, experience a child growing within me, give birth and breastfeed. At times I have been tempted to fall pregnant, to go for it, but then something happens and I find a way to switch off the impulse. I think my maternal instincts are quite closely linked with my sexuality.

25. I love pain, but bruise easily. Sometimes I can have marks from sex on my body for a couple of weeks.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

1. I have masturbated to orgasm in several novel locations, including my desk at work, a doctor’s examination table, and my seat on an airplane.

2. When I was 8, I had a spotty understanding of sex. I thought sex meant lying down with a friend and holding/caressing/tickling them. It didn’t occur to me that the gender of the friend was meaningful. Using this definition, I asked my friend Marie to “have sex with me” and she said yes.

3. I’m a 26 year old woman. The oldest person I’ve gone on a date with was 60ish. We never became sexual, but not for lack of interest on my part.

4. I love giving head and am very proud of the many compliments I've received. I don't think I'm so great in the performance sense (like not having a gag reflex). I'm just honestly enthusiastic about it and receptive to my partner's signals. I hope to become just as good at cunnilingus before long.

5. Smart is damn sexy. The only time when being smart can be a problem is when a person gets totally wrapped up in their intellect and can’t connect with their sensual, emotional center.

6. I’ve never had an orgasm from PIV sex unless I was stimulating my clit at the same time, but I do have a special place in my heart for the orgasms I’ve had that way. Having my vagina filled with my lover’s cock seems to “expand” my climax.

7. I rarely come from cunnilingus but I still love it! Especially when being fingered at the same time.

8. I’m totally not a size queen. If anything, a more modestly sized cock is a more pleasurable fit for me. And if a given hetero couple is mismatched, there’s room to negotiate (I imagine this is true for gay men too).

9. I once encountered this "Touch the Art" booth. There were three holes, roughly at shoulder, chest, and hip height. You were instructed to reach into these dark holes and feel the art. When you did so, you found a person, usually in some state of undress. I wanted to be the "art" right away. Having those disembodied hands run over my body, playing with my clit through my panties…it was one of the hottest experiences of my life.

10. I can imagine scenarios where I would have sex for money but I haven’t pursued it.

11. I first tried masturbating when I was 12 or so but couldn’t figure it out. I was focusing on my vagina. A couple years later I found my clit and had my first orgasm. I remember thinking “WHOA. What the hell was THAT?!”

12. I’ve had a few opportunities to finger a lover in the ass or perform rimming. I’d like to do more of that. I’m also really interested in trying strap-on sex, with women and men, active and receptive. Oh, except I’m not interested in being receptive anally.

13. I am at my wettest and most aroused following a few hours involving cuddling leading to making out leading to fondling, especially with someone new.

14. Speaking of that, I find that the connection between my wetness and arousal level to be inconsistent. I think it takes a while for my natural lube production to catch up with the rest of me. So I can definitely be aroused and not all that wet.

15. I have a tattoo on my neck. Half the reason I got it is because it makes kissing my neck damn near irresistible and that’s how I like it.

16. I’ve had a threesome and would be up for trying it again. My first impression is that I would rather not be the center of attention next time. I found it less erotic trying to divide my attention between two lovers.

17. I would really like to learn how to squirt.

18. I have never faked an orgasm and can’t imagine why I would.

19. I once made a Beautiful Agony-influenced video (that is, a video of me masturbating but only showing my face and chest) for my lover’s birthday.

20. Ideally, I’d have sex ~4 times per week. I’m not getting my appetite met right now.

21. I enjoy seeing my reflection in a mirror while I’m having sex.

22. I like being handled roughly in bed but do not enjoy the psychological aspects of domination.

23. A few times, my lover has slid their hand up my skirt and fondled me while I was driving. I loved it.

24. My ribs are more of an erogenous zone than my breasts.

25. Sex with me is often interrupted by conversation and laughter.