Saturday, July 31, 2010

1. I’m nineteen and a virgin, which status I would love to change.

2. I’ve had two sexual experiences in my life involving more than kissing. One was non-consensual when I was very drunk, and the other came with an awful lot of emotional baggage in other ways. For more details, see below.

3. I’ve had one boyfriend and one girlfriend. I only dated the guy because I was desperate to get kissed before I was fifteen. He wasn’t a very good kisser and I wasn’t attracted to him, though it felt good walking round with him knowing that people could see we were together. My girlfriend was a more complex relationship from around when I was 15 to around 17; it’s kind of hazy because it was very off-again, on-again. We were best friends first and neither of us had been with a girl before, the whole relationship was very stressful and awkward. We only had one sexual experience together and that was in the first half of the first year of our “relationship”

4. Said sexual experience involved a lot of alcohol and much writhing around and groping. We did not undress and touched each other’s privates maybe once each for maximum a minute, not even long enough to feel properly aroused. At one point I think she wanted to go down on me but I stopped her. After that we slept in my single bed and I felt hellishly awkward, trying to make sure she got enough space and that I didn’t snore/dribble etc.

5. The next two years of our “relationship” mainly consisted of me sitting next to her yearning but unable to talk about it or kiss her. We kissed maybe half a dozen times, only once without being drunk. During that time I felt very conflicted about my sexuality and whether I was attracted to her or not. In hindsight I think that it would have gone much better had at least one of us been more mature, and that it could have been a good relationship if we’d had more courage.

6. Saying that, eventually she ended it by messaging me on Facebook to say that she figured out that she was straight. It was very painful, both the message and the fact she told me over bloody Facebook. After that we didn’t talk or see each other for a year, in which time I got over her and we are now very close friends again.

7. The non-consensual experience happened shortly after the above anecdote occurred. My friends and I at that time used to socialize by getting wasted in parks. On this particular occasion I got very emotional and just wanted to hug this guy, he took me over to a secluded bench and started making out with me. I was too out of it to really know what was going on, but I know he put his hands down my pants but I made him stop, and that he pushed my hand into his own trousers and I touched him for a little while before I got away. That’s the first and only time I’ve had first-hand (ha, excuse pun) experience of a penis. It was unpleasant and confused me, because at that point I kinda subconsciously thought any sexual experience was meant to be good sexual experience. I remember for a week afterwards I was terrified that somehow he might have had semen on his hand and gotten me pregnant, which is totally ridiculous but I’ve always been a hypochondriac. Remembering this has made me see that it was actually quite a traumatic experience for me, but that I’ve never really thought of it in that light.

8. Relatedly, I know that when I do have sex I’m going to be terrified of being impregnated.

9. Throughout my teens I’ve struggled with my sexuality. In my early teens the “bisexual fad” was at its zenith, and when I came out to my friends as bisexual they all said they were too! It was kind of nice having that support and being able to talk about girls in front of them, but pretty soon I realized they didn’t like girls the way I did. When, later on, I thought of myself as a lesbian I knew they would never support that, and they are all heterosexual-identified now.

10. For three or four years I thought of myself as a lesbian. I even came out to my parents when I was 17. Since I moved away from home and met more people, I no longer identify as gay, because I quite clearly check out and have crushes on men, too. I now identify as queer. I am attracted more on an individual basis, so I think it’s silly to be more specific.

11. I find all genders and gender expressions appealing, but I find expressions of female masculinity really, really hot.

12. I view my gender identity as femme, but that’s only been a recent thing. As with my sexuality I’ve struggled with my gender, and many times actively deluded myself into thinking I enjoyed being butch, or that I was an FTM transsexual or genderqueer. It makes me cringe now, and I cannot comprehend what thought processes led me down those paths that were so wrong for me. I think, shamefully, that I thought these identities were cool or more desirable. Ick.

13. I’ve masturbated since I was thirteen. This was 100% due to being exposed to erotic fan fiction and hentai from the forums I used to spend a lot of time on.

14. I masturbate the same way now as I did back then, on my back, slightly propped up, knees bent, one finger on clit, very reliant on fantasy to get me off. I masturbate anywhere from once a week to multiple times a day, and my sex drive has tapered off slightly over the years. I come every single time I masturbate, except for when I run out of time and have to break off early, or very very occasionally when I let the build up take too long and become either de-sensitized or over sensitive and can’t continue. I would like to mix up my masturbation routine a little but nothing else seems to work. I want to get a vibrator when I have the money and see what that does for me.

15. It takes me a long time to climax, probably average around 30 minutes but often 40 minutes+, and my orgasms are very intense because of this. I can rush it if I try but it’s not as satisfying. I’m worried that any potential sexual partners will find this annoying and a turn off.

16. My hottest fantasies are usually male/male or a male/female/male scenario. I really like watching gay porn, but lesbian porn doesn’t do much for me. I also prefer to think about people masturbating each other/jerking themselves off/oral sex than actual sex. Something about that voyeurism and intensity of watching someone come from another’s hand or mouth is really erotic.

17. I have this extremely weird thing that I feel reluctant sharing, where I get convinced that I’m a pedophile. It crops up when I’m fantasizing and stops me from thinking sexual thoughts, like: “What if this fantasy about watching a guy jerk off is really a subconscious pseudo-Freudian expression of being a pedophile? Stop wanking right now you awful, disgusting pedophile!” I mean, I KNOW I am not a pedophile and would never, ever do anything to hurt a child, so why does this happen? When I tell myself to stop being ridiculous, this part of me says “ah, you’re just being defensive because you’re scared it’s true!” It’s got to the stage where I am actually scared it’s true, even though my stance on child porn etc. is with the rest of the world: that it’s appalling and horrific and while I don’t really believe in good and evil that it’s the closest thing to pure evil a person can do. I reckon what it really is is my latent sexual guilt manifesting itself in a really cruel way. I do this a lot in other areas of my life, suppress negative feelings so that they bubble up somewhere else. I don’t want to believe I have sexual guilt, but that’s the only explanation.

18. Relatedly, I often stop myself mid-fantasy to panic about whether the fantasy is like totally Oedipal and that I secretly want to bang my dad or something. Freud has got a lot to answer for for making people unduly paranoid about their sexuality!

19. My greatest desire at this moment is to meet a beautiful, sophisticated person a few years older than me and to be swept up in a life-changing love affair with them, with lots of tender, passionate, deeply intimate sex. I am starved of intimacy and I want it more than sex itself. I never want to be with someone who is lukewarm in their affection for me and/or is inconsiderate and boorish in bed.

20. I have great trouble thinking of myself as a sexual being, despite all of the wanking I do and porn I watch/read. In fact I find it absolutely impossible to believe that anyone could find me attractive and/or want to fuck me. In my mind I feel like people view me as sort of an asexual child-woman who is not even relevant on the sexual radar. I try and comfort myself by looking at couples where both people seem completely repulsive to me but who obviously still found someone to love them. It doesn’t work often. I think deep down I expect to be alone for ever. I reckon the way my ex-girlfriend dumped me has a lot to do with the way I see myself; how can I not interpret it as that I was so unattractive that I turned her straight?

21. Despite this I am not willing to lower my standards in order to assuage my loneliness or to feel a sense of self-worth. When I have sex it will be because I deeply desire to make love with that particular person, not because I am lonely and horny and feel like I should have got laid already by this point.

22. I think it will be kind of amusing when (if?) I do have sex, as I can climax completely silently and can do so without changing my breathing pattern or moving my body at all, except for my hand obviously. This is due to years of living in a small house with a nosy family and sleeping in a room with extremely thin walls right next to my parents’ room. Ninja orgasm! Since I moved out, I’ve got better at relaxing and really feeling my arousal more, and I think that’s helping with the sexual guilt thing.

23. I’ve just remembered one reason for the said sexual guilt: when I was a young teen I was über-horny and used to look up hardcore yaoi and erotic fan fic all the time, and being young and naive I didn’t know to delete the browsing history on the family computer that I was using. Foolish me! My dad used to drop hints that he knew I looked at ‘funny’ (as in weird not humorous funny) stuff online and it was deeply deeply mortifying. So that might have quite a lot to do with it. I still don’t know if my parents know I masturbate and neither do I want to. I’ve never talked about it with anyone else either. My rather earthier twin sister has bought it up a few times but I find it so humiliating I’d rather not discuss it; I think of myself as quite open minded but obviously I still have some issues with being sexually open. I guess that might be part of the reason why I haven’t yet had a meaningful relationship.

24. I’m very envious of my sister who has had three serious boyfriends, lives with her current one and is totally open about the fact that they have a great sex life. I feel like I should have that too, seeing as we’re the same age.

25. The hottest/guiltiest/most empowering moment of my life so far was getting drunk at a lesbian club night and making out with a random 29-year-old woman while the FtM guy I was in mutual crush with at the time looked on (I hope) jealously. And then said woman texting me half the night to see if I wanted to go home with her. I didn’t, but I could have, and that felt great.

Friday, July 30, 2010

1. I'm a 47 year old housewife who has been with my husband for 25 years. He is the one and only man I've had sex with.

2. He was my first everything. First hand job, blow job, first one ever to touch anything on me from breasts to below.

3. I do wonder sometimes: did I miss anything by never having sex with anyone else or did I miss anything just by never allowing any of my other relationships to go anywhere past the kissing stage?

4. I love all the romantic sides of a relationship, meaning I love kissing--not just kissing, making out for a very long time: the longer the better the hotter the wetter. I love the hand-holding, the touching, sex that is long and hard, sex that is quick and fast.

5. I have a very high sex drive. Hubby, on the other hand, has a lower one and is always kidding I'm the man in the relationship. I want it more than him during the week, during the day, and I will be the first one to complain and get cranky when I haven't gotten any.

6. I love blow jobs. Nothing gets me wetter and hornier than a blow job. Just the thought of getting that hard cock or even soft to start in my mouth is enough to get me going. I'm so grateful my husband loves them because for me that would be a deal-breaker. I love giving them and I'm not the type to expect anything in return. I don't even care if it leads to sex. I get so hot and turned on by doing them it's incredible. I don't mind if he finishes in my mouth or it goes onto sex and I have no problem with swallowing.

7. I love to do it when there is a chance we could get caught. I love being told to get down on my hands and knees and blow him and I like even better if it's in the laundry room with a house full of kids or company.

8. I also love hand jobs. I love to wake him up either in the middle of the night or early morning with either a nice hand job or blow job and I love to watch him finish.

9. I love to watch him jerk off. I love watching his hand going faster and seeing him stroke it, I love his face when he comes and love the feel of that hot come. He is okay with that, but I will admit it's taken him years to be comfortable with me watching him.

10. We are finally at the point in our relationship where, if I need sex and he isn't up to it, I'm okay with that because this man has the most talented fingers ever. I know that if he isn't up for sex he will get me off with his fingers or let me go down on him, and many times that will end up with him in the mood. What doesn't happen is he is not in the mood and I'm left stranded: he will use his wonderful fingers on me and get me off.

11. I love anal, and yes I am a woman. Yes, it can be messy, sometimes even with perfect timing and prep but if you're a long term couple who has gone through childbirth and periods, you can handle anal. With the right person who takes their time and you can trust, it is out of this world. Again, I will ask for this more than him; although he was the one that first wanted to do anal, he has always been afraid of hurting me.

12. We have recently gotten a taste of freedom with our children being college-age. One went to first year last year; our last one will go this year. Just that little bit of freedom is out of this world. No worrying about noise, no worrying about the kids knowing you're doing it because you have disappeared to your room in the middle of the day.

13. Yes, I am a screamer, who wouldn't be with the fingers of God! I scream, moan, and try to keep it all quiet for years because of the kids. I haven't always been quiet, as my children have pointed out in the past, but I do try my best. I will be very grateful they will both be in college in the fall. No having to be quiet.

14. I love to be spanked, I love to just be fucked--no foreplay, just throw me down on the bed and fuck me. I like it rough and hard, and right when I'm about to orgasm a smack on the ass will send me right over the edge.

15. Quickies are great, but so is spending a rainy or sunny day in bed. It takes all kinds of variety. Quick and short, hard and fast, long and slow. I want it all.

16. I love to have sex in the open. We have had sex in our pool during the day and night. I would love to have sex on my deck--I will be working on that in the fall when the kids are at college.

17. I love for him to jerk off all over my chest or ass.

18. If we end up getting frisky anywhere public, that would be my fault. We both got so hot and bothered in the parking lot of an outlet mall that we never ended up going in. I gave him a blow job from start to finish while he fingered me until I was soaking wet and not in any condition to walk.

20. If anyone had told me my sex life would have gotten better with being married 25 years I would have laughed, because seriously, that would mean I'm old now, right? It has definitely gotten better. We haven't slowed down--if anything we are fucking more, and there are definitely more hand and blow jobs going on.

21. I don't mind porn. I like to watch it with my husband, but it has to be a normal plot--no cheesy crappy porn--and I love it when it's forceful, and I love the finishing shots.

22. My breasts are very sensitive. I love to have them sucked and pulled. I hate having them bit, but I can come from just the right amount of sucking and pulling.

23. I just recently started squirting. It's quite odd.

24. My husband loves going down on me. I can take it or leave it. I'd rather be touched, but he enjoys it, and who am I to deprive him?

25. I hope to be having just as much sex, blow jobs and everything else, well into my senior years. I thought it would be harder to come up with 25 things, but it wasn't. I also thought it would be too vanilla and plain, but it is what is is.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

1. I lost my virginity on April 20, 2002 to my first real boyfriend. I was 16. He was 18. He came over while the rest of my family was out of town at my sister's basketball tournament. We took a shower together and then had sex on my parents' bed. We spent the whole afternoon naked, watching cartoons, eating Chinese leftovers, being silly and having sex. I didn’t feel different or older or used or any of those things you may think you’re going to feel after having sex for the first time. It felt right, I felt normal and proud and natural. The day wasn’t the fairy-tale romantic first time experience that I feel so many girls build up in their heads, but it was perfect and I wouldn’t change a thing about it.

2. When I was 18 I was living in a crappy apartment with three boys, one of whom I was dating. He was a jerk, but I couldn’t see it. He would use me for sex; I was expected to work two jobs and be his personal assistant and maid. He would say horrible things about how I looked--keeping my esteem just low enough to let him do whatever he wanted, however he wanted. He had a manic schizophrenic breakdown and thought he was a disciple of God and that the FBI was after him. He cornered me with a knife one afternoon after five days without sleeping, and threatened to kill me. He told me ‘I am going to kill you and hide the body so no one will ever be able to find you. It's for your own good, trust me’. When I tried getting past him, he starting hitting me. Our roommate called the cops and he spent two weeks in the county psych ward. I had let this boy manipulate, use and abuse me in so many ways… after this relationship I saw myself and everyone else differently. I swore I would never allow myself to be a doormat for someone, to trust someone so blindly, to let anyone treat me as poorly and inhumanely as he did. For a long time after this experience I could only enjoy rough sex: being thrown around, held down, choked, hit, etc. The need for those kinds of sexual encounters has finally worn off, and while I still do genuinely enjoy those acts from time to time, I can now enjoy both fucking and making love thoroughly.

3. When I was 12 I started to use an old hairbrush handle to masturbate until I was old enough to buy a vibrator.

4. Until I was 18 I was only able to orgasm from internal, G-spot stimulation. That’s all I knew that felt good. No one told me I had a clitoris--let alone what the hell to do with it. And while I still deeply enjoy penetration (no pun intended,) I have come to enjoy clitoral stimulation more, although a good combo of my boyfriend fingering me and eating my pussy gives me the most intense, full-body orgasms that can last for minutes sometimes. When I masturbate, I rarely use my fingers or a toy that involves penetration. I get myself off from pure clit play, and usually lying on my stomach (the pressure feels nice).

5. With enough lube, anal sex is awesome!

6. One of my biggest fantasies is to make love to my boyfriend with a strap-on. I don’t want to fuck his brains out through his ass or anything; I just think it would be enjoyable and interesting to do a little role reversal. I would love to explore the more masculine, dominant side of my sexual energy--and strap-on play, for me, is the holy grail of sexual role reversal.

7. I’ve had several threesomes and one orgy. The threesomes were, for the most part, awesome fun and I look forward to exploring different combinations of sexual pairings in bed (I want so badly to be Eiffel towered). The orgy was a drunken mess and I do wish I had waited to experience that kind of energy in a more positive, sober mindset. I am determined to eventually have a healthy, positive group sex experience.

8. I think I give decent blow jobs. I don’t have much of a gag reflex and a fairly dexterous tongue. But hand jobs… I struggle with those. In all honesty, I’m not very good at touching a penis with my hands. Until recently, I hadn't given a real hand job since I was 17. One of my goals this year is to hone that talent so I at least feel confident and competent fondling a man and possibly even develop the ability to give a good hand job.

9. I have come to the realization that monogamy hasn’t been working and probably won’t work for me. I have cheated on all but one of my boyfriends, and had a full-blown affair for months before things ended with my ‘main’ partner. None of them ever found out about my infidelity, which is better, I suppose. I’ve never wanted to use or hurt anyone, but I find myself in monogamous relationships and I wind up feeling limited, trapped and stifled. And then I start to feel resentful and bitter towards the men I am with. Those are all feelings I don’t want to feel towards anyone, let alone the people I love. I am currently in a polyamorous relationship and I have never felt more confident, secure and trustworthy in a relationship before. I have found a sense of calm and balance in the fact that we don’t NEED each other and we don’t need to BE anything for each other, our relationship is open to breathe and move and evolve. I am so very excited to see where it all ends up and how much I can learn and grow both as an individual and as a partner.

10. I spent three years on-and-off with a man who would almost always tell me ‘no’ when I tried to initiate sex. I can count on one hand the number of times we had sex in the last year we were together. When we did have sex there was no kissing, no foreplay, no emotion- he had a large penis and had no idea what to do with it and didn’t care to learn or listen to what I wanted. Sex with him was mostly awkward and painful, and I am just starting to understand the emotional walls that aspect of our relationship caused me to build.

11. My parents didn’t really talk to me about sex. I mean, they told me about the mechanics of it and the ‘dangers’ of it, but they didn’t take the time to discuss all the possibilities and joy sex can bring. My complete open-mindedness and non-judgmental mindset comes from reading a lot of books and having the most amazing, supportive friends.

12. One of my favorite things to do is to go onto Chatroulette with my boyfriend and put on shows for people. We don’t do it very often… but when we do, we do it right! It satisfies my exhibitionist and voyeuristic tendencies. It’s not an everyday activity; it’s a nice little kink of a treat from time to time.

13. I don’t watch porn too often, unless I’m in a bit of a rush (like I have to head to work). When I do watch porn, the girl has to have dark hair and the guy has to have a big dick. If I do watch porn, as soon as I come I find whatever I am watching to be repulsive and the people to be pathetic and ugly. I just feel that porn glorifies the wrong aspects of sex; it makes me feel cheap. I feel that my imagination or memories are so much richer and more enjoyable.

14. Spank me! Light taps in the kitchen while I’m doing dishes, full-blown bare-ass beat downs while we’re playing around in bed, give me a surprise slap while I’m blow drying my hair. But don’t do it all the time, keep it spontaneous and sparse. Spanking, especially the little slaps during regular daytime activities, makes me feel desirable, flirtatious and submissive.

15. I’ve stopped shaving my pubic hair. I had been shaving since I started to grow hair, and I really thought I was going to feel dirty, ugly and uncomfortable with hair down there. But I LOVE it! I keep it trimmed, it’s not a crazy overgrown bush you could get lost in--but it is soft and furry and I have never felt more comfortable naked in my entire life. I feel like a woman, I feel normal and confident with my little bush.

16. Sometimes my boyfriend grows out his beard--and he grows out the sexiest, fullest most lovely beard I have ever seen. And when he has a full beard grown out and then he eats out my pussy, it’s just about my favorite. I love making out with him afterwards and his beard is soaking wet and I can taste myself all over, I can suck my own juices out of his beard… it makes my knees weak.

17. I have had sex with three different girls, one of them on multiple occasions. I think women are beautiful… but I don’t think I am sexually attracted to women. I wouldn’t identify as ‘bi-sexual’ but more as ‘try-sexual’, I’ll try anything about three times. And in the right situation, women can be fun to play with and flirt with, but I’m not sure if I could have a romantic, on-going relationship with one.

18. Intimacy is the best part of any relationship, romantic or friendly. Don’t get me wrong, I totally get off on the ‘new relationship energy’, that time when a person is all new and shiny and everything is exciting and you can’t get enough of each other. But butterflies die and blind passion burns out eventually, and then you’re left with all the nuts and bolts of a person. I love being able to go to the bathroom with the door open, not having to shave my legs every time I see them, I like seeing all their odd little habits and rituals. I love the work, the tears, the love and patience that go into building a real, solid relationship. I love the joy and comfort and trust that comes with time. Give me a ‘boring’ night at home with my lovers and friends and I am the happiest girl in the world.

19. It makes me sad to hear girls talk about sex like it’s a chore, or something they dread. My roommate has the worst self-confidence I have ever encountered, and she isn’t fat or particularly unattractive, but she is so deeply uncomfortable with herself, and it just breaks my heart and makes me terribly frustrated. I guess I do it sometimes too; we all have our hang-ups… those little things that make us feel self conscious or unsure of ourselves. But sex is something that should be enjoyed and celebrated. I don’t understand how some girls (or even men, I guess) feel the need to withhold sex from their significant others, people who don’t want to explore and experience and revel in the fact that we have these really awesome bodies that do some really awesome things. That is my ideal mindset and I strive to maintain that outlook, as long as the insecurity about my thighs doesn’t get in the way. ;-)

20. I’m not sure if this is sexuality, but then again, doesn't everything about us tie into sexuality? I love to stare at people, or at least watch them intently. At work sometimes I will catch the eye of a person who is just interesting-looking, they’re so beautiful in a completely unique and strange way. I’d love to be able to sit down and just look at them, soak in all their little physical quirks. The curiosity is what makes me excited.

21. I’m working on being able to recognize what I want and need- both physical and emotional- and be able to communicate that to both myself and my partner. It’s easier said then done, but I think I’ve been doing all right and making some real strides from where I started.

22. Sometimes my boyfriend and I wake up in the middle of the night having sex. Like full on, ‘bend me over and drill me’ kind of sex- and it’s soooo hot! I usually don’t wake up until I’m starting to come, but those orgasms are some of the strongest orgasms I have from vaginal intercourse.

23. I love kissing. I miss the days when a good make out session was the epitome of sexy fun time. It’s so simple and so fun and gets me going like nothing else. I completely enjoy and get off on all the other foreplay stuff, but I could be a happy girl with a good, solid make out session.

24. I am more comfortable being naked than I am being clothed; I’m always worried my jeans cut me off weird or that my shirt pulls too tight across my tummy. I don’t mind my extra squish when it’s not being confined by clothing.

25. I have no desire or ability to meet people in a bar setting, I feel like it’s all so superficial and such a waste of time. Plus, I’m not really the most approachable person. I don’t have the patience to entertain and encourage the gross, slobbering drunk guys, and their pickup lines and inane conversations are not flattering, but merely annoying. Bring some good, challenging conversation to the table and make me laugh and I’ll be putty in your hands. For me, sexual attraction is much more of a mental connection than a raw physical drive.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

1. My first sexual experience was with a younger boy who lived across the road. I was 6, he was 5. I found the bicycle pump, put it down the front of my Punky Brewster knickers and asked him to pump. It felt great. I remember feeling a shiver come across my body as the air escaped the nozzle and gushed across my genitals. I returned the favor for him. I'm not sure the feeling was as exhilarating for him, but I recall looking at his penis in amazement. I made him do it again for me. This went on for sometime, until my dad caught found us in the garage many sessions later. I never saw the bicycle pump again. We've never spoken of this.

2. My parents' idea of teaching me, my brother and sister about sex and sexuality was to give us the books titled "Where did I come from?" and "What's happening to me?" I remember reading them cover to end numerous times. I enjoyed the pictures and always thought sex looked loving and natural. As it was all cartoons, it also didn't hold a sense of reality for me. I learned about masturbation from these books and set out to find this feeling which they mentioned was like the feeling of 'sneezing'... the orgasm. I was 10.

3. I used to sit between my bed and the wall, almost hiding, reading these books in the afternoon. I learned to explore my vagina. Touching it softly felt nice. It was smooth, prepubescent, but liking the touch of my own fingers. I'd discovered my clitoris, and gently stroking it gave me an afternoon of enjoyment, escape. I was addicted to this tingling feeling.

4. Ii am not sure when I reached my first orgasm through self pleasure. I can only presume it was around the age of twelve. By this time I was exploring harder, faster stimulation of the clitoris. As i would work my way up to orgasm my legs would straighten and my body stiffen until this feeling of release would rush over me. I remember not thinking of it as a sexual act, more just self-pleasure. Something completely between me, myself and I. I never spoke of these events with girlfriends, my brother or sister or my parents. It was just something i did.

5. At 13 I remember staying with my godmother for a few nights while my mum was in hospital having a breast lump removed. She asked me if I was menstruating yet. I was horrified that she would ask me such a personal question. I'd gotten the word masturbation and menstruation confused. I denied that I'd started 'menstruating' and wondered how she could know about my nightly activities. One hour later I realized my error, but didn't revoke my previous answer. I masturbated in her guest room that night, under a huge portrait of Jesus.

6. I can't remember my first passionate sensual kiss.

7. Though I knew of the vaginal canal, I didn't explore digital penetration until I was 16. I wanted to have sex, needed to have sex physically. I knew I was a sexual being, but I couldn't connect with any of the boys at school. At the time, I wanted my first time to be with someone i loved, an ideal fantasy of two people entangled in magic.

8. At 17 I found a copy of my brother's Forum magazine. I loved the saucy stories of sex in it and read it over and over in my single bed at night, masturbating frantically, and squirming in ecstasy, coming time and time again. My mother found the book next to my bed one day. I remember feeling slightly embarrassed. It was never spoken of. I am to this day a huge fan of erotica. Currently I converse with a gentleman in Sydney, filthy dirty emails back and forth. If we should ever cross paths, I doubt I'd be able to walk for weeks.

9. I lost my virginity at 18. It wasn't special, it wasn't with someone I loved, and I remember after the initial penetration I was mortified with what I was doing in my drunken state. I kicked him off and asked him to leave. I avoided him from then on.

10. My first long-term sexual partner was a man I fell love with at second year uni. I remember fucking all the time. Shower sex, bedroom sex, blow jobs in his car, pool sex. I was in heaven.... for a while, but never fulfilled. I wasn't sure what was missing. He gave me my first oral orgasm.

11. Sometimes I think I'd be happy if I had someone's mouth attached to my pussy all the time. It likes the adoration.

12. I have large vaginal lips. I used to get a little self-conscious of them. When i looked at pictures in magazines of other women's vaginas I wondered what was wrong with mine? Why didn't mine look like theirs? Now I love my cunt, my pussy, my pleasure canal, my den of seductiveness, my flower. When I become sexually aroused I watch these lips swell with anticipation and excitement. Their sensitivity increases... they are gorgeous.

13. My true sexual awakening happened when i was 27. I wasn't in love with anyone. I was free, energy driven and very sexual. I left Australia for South America... little did i know Latin men are very open sexually. Sexual energy filled every breath i took and for the first time in my life I felt alive. My friends felt harassed. I was at home.

14. I fucked in South America. I had filthy animalistic sex in the Amazon. I had my first experience of anal sex and it was hot, hard and heavy. My first time anally I had multiple orgasms, sweat dripping off both of us, the shanty wooden house on stilts rocking in rhythm with our thrusts and moans of delight. Now, I knew I'd been fucked. If only he could kiss, it would have been the complete experience. I had sex with this person 3 times. A Colombian, who had a snake in his trousers. I don't remember his real name. He liked holding my hand as we crossed the road. That was kind.

15. Whilst in the Amazon I fucked three different men in one day. I didn't feel like a whore... I felt liberated. I oozed sexual energy.

16. I've had five affairs with married men. I'm single, I wasn't looking for a relationship. It's their problem not mine. I make no promises.

17. This year I had a finishing job when I went for a massage. I was completely naked, and my masseuse was massaging my arse. I love my arse being massaged. As his fingers went between my thighs they skimmed my somewhat aroused lips. I thought to myself "no he didn't?", but then he did it again. I could feel his huge cock through his pants pressed up against the side of my body. It was exciting. I just arched my back and let out a simple "Hmmmmm".... and a more erotic form of massage started. I felt my sexual energy returning. I let the moment engulf me completely, surrendering to the rhythm, the touch and the sensuality. I orgasmed on his massage table as he fingered me. After I rolled over, I smiled and booked in for two days later. We fucked and i got a free massage. It was fun. It was electric. I will never see him again.

18. Most recently I met a man with an English accent, a poet. We drank vodka, spoke, laughed and then went to entangle. I was well aware of his thirst for BDSM prior to meeting. Though never before experienced in this area, I was willing to accommodate. I was turned on by the thought of him only being able to touch me with permission. I punished his balls and cock first, with my hand tugging and squishing his balls. I liked when I caused this pain how his mouth would curl at the corners; a wince was let out but then it was followed by an unauthorized erection. I instinctively reached for his bag of tools, sat on his face and proceeded to whip the end of his cock with a riding crop. I hit his balls with a leather paddle. I was in awe of him enjoying this... I owned his balls for a moment. We didn't have intercourse. I would have liked to have filled him up with my golden nectar though. We won't meet again... it has left me wanting more.

19. Between Berlin and Paris I had sex in a train carriage with a stranger from Israel. We were alone in the carriage; it was night. After I left that carriage and returned to my allocated carriage on the train, I saw him wandering the halls looking for me. My top lip was bleeding where he had bitten it a little too hard in the moments of passion.

20. I've never cheated on a partner, but I walked in on my fiancé fucking a friend on his kitchen table when i was 23. I picked up my passport and a small backpack of clothes, and never returned. I hear many years later that after having a child together, she cheated on him. I've had trust issues ever since.

21. Though I've had many sexual experiences, the one I'm craving the most now is a relationship of complete intimacy and vulnerability. A relationship where we can explore all sexual avenues together, learning, growing and riding the wave as far as it takes us. However, I am fearful of this, and have continued in favor of random play, always keeping the man at arms length. Sad, but true.

22. I had the opportunity for my desire of love earlier this year. Entangled between the sheets, his kiss was soft and delicate, his fingers knowing of the female form, his skin soft and warm. A courtship that spanned a couple of years of knowing each other amounted to this moment. Our bodies melted together, I froze, hesitated for just a moment, and the moment was lost, as so too him from my life forever. I think of this beautiful man many times, wanting him to return to my life. Knowing that now I am willing and able to give him what he sought, but could not at the time. Sometimes you never know what you've got until it's gone. Perhaps we will cross paths again. That, I'd like.

23. I like to have sex with women. I find the idea of group sex somewhat possibly enjoyable. I like to watch, and I'd like to be watched. Multiple hands, mouths, bodies entangled in a warm mess... my mouth on the warm lips of a woman's, her juices flowing, her sweet earthy taste engulfing my taste buds as her soft thighs wrap around my head in sexual delirium. My lover watching, possibly worshiping and caressing my own arsehole with his tongue as I pleasure another. I'd also like to have a MMMF situation. Hmmm.... enticing.

24. I've masturbated twice while writing these 23 points.

25. I'm now 30 years old, single and loving life. I've welcomed my dirty 30's. Next, I'd like to try a swingers club. Life is short... live life, love lots, love yourself.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

1. I sometimes wonder if I am a nymphomaniac.

2. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 17. It was on Valentine's Day with a guy I'd met online. It was also the first time we'd met, also within the first half hour. After a couple months of having sex with him, he grew too attached to me, though I'd told him I didn't want a relationship. He got suicidal and kept me around, because he knew how badly it scared me. When I finally broke away, I decided it was because I rushed into sex with him, though I know now it was more of his instability. I would still take back ever having sex with him, but I can honestly say he was the best sex I've had thus far.

3. I remember being young and curious. I was abused as a child, not sexually (not that I can remember anyway). My mother married an abusive man and I spent my home-time locked in a basement. I was always using my imagination, with my head lost in the imaginary clouds. I remember lying in bed naked, touching myself, fantasizing. I never knew if that was normal. I remember I got in trouble when I was about 6 or 7 for asking to touch my crush's penis. He let me. When I let him touch me, the after school daycare caught us, he had his pants down, and there was no denying anything at that point. In kindergarten through third grade, my best girl friend would always sneak around in public places. I remember exploring her body, and she would explore mine.

4. To this day, I have had sex with 5 people. If I could have foreseen the future, I would have only gone through with 2 of them, just because only 2 of them were special.

5. I used to play this game with my friend when I was 10-12, where we dared each other to do dirty things to each other. I loved it. I really just liked getting that sexual release, and giving it as well. I don't really believe in putting a label on sexuality because that's just when things get confusing. There is just no purpose in a label. Also, there have been 3 girls I have ever been sexual with, all before the age of 13. I'm not opposed to women now, I just haven't explored the opportunity yet.

6. I supposedly took my last boyfriend's virginity. To this day, I believe he was lying that he was a virgin. He always talked down to me about sleeping with 4 guys prior to him. Needless to say, it didn't last long. I sometimes think I am afraid of commitment because I've seen so much abuse in my life. It always starts out good, but I keep expecting men to turn in to monsters. This fear, in reality, turns me into the monster, and I end up hurting everyone who I could have possibly fallen in love with.

7. I once had sex with a guy friend, who I used to date, who was also my first (guy) kiss-kiss. He was rough, and I loved it. Sex with him was as amazing as I'd always imagined it would be. And afterwards, visible bite marks and scratch marks would serve as proof. I once swore he bit my nipple completely off.

8. I was such a dork in high school. I was shy, dressed weird, didn't like brushing my hair. I still dress weird, don't like brushing my hair, but I am significantly less shy. One other thing that has changed since high school is that every guy I drooled over in high school, I got after high school. Probably because my face grew more defined, my tits got bigger, and I was a whole lot bolder after I got out of that hell-hole.

9. I cannot cuddle without getting horny. I just can't.

10. A guy I briefly dated never let me see his penis. I knew he was small because I barely felt anything when we had sex, but every time I'd try to touch it or pull the sheets down he'd pull away and massage down on the inner contour of my pelvic bones and I'd just lose it.

11. If I could go to sleep after sex and wake up to sex every morning, no words, just sex, I could die happily.

12. I think about sex all the time. While I am doing dishes, listening to music, watching movies, having a conversation, the sexual thoughts invade my brain and multiply every second that I am not having sex.

13. When I sleep, I'm all over the bed. When I fuck, I'm all over the bed/floor/wherever. I don't think sex should be limited to staying in the bedroom.

14. My bare chest and stomach are my favorite places to be touched, but I think my entire body is an erogenous zone depending on who is touching me, and whether they know what they are doing or not.

15. I have only had 'passionate' sex a few times. It was nice. I'd like to experience it more often, but it's rare that I feel passion with another person.

16. I don't really like oral, but if a guy wants to do it, I'll let him. (Why not?) I don't know if the guys just suck at giving it, or I'm just not a fan. I guess I'll discover the truth eventually.

17. I wish my mom talked to me more openly about sex in my life before I did it. She basically asked if I knew I shouldn't do it, and when I got older and started going out, she'd occasionally hound me with "are you already having sex?" I never was when she asked me. I feel like I would have made smarter choices with who I have had sex with, if I knew more about her early experiences. And though I regret sleeping with a few people I've slept with, at least for future reference I'll know, 'think first.' Sometimes it's just so hard to do the smart thing when you're dying from lack of sexual intimacy, though!

18. I've found that I'm kind of sadistic. Watching men cry gives me pleasure, breaking up with boyfriends and then having them write me letters or something unusual... it all makes me really turned on.

19. Music can make bad sex seem better for me. (GOOD music.)

20. I hate when guys try to talk to me during sex, but I absolutely love it when they say something short and sweet, letting me know how good I look when I am moist with sweat, or if they're letting me know that they like what I'm doing.

21. I once dated a guy, when I was about 18, who was kind of shy. One day his mom came home unexpectedly while we were fucking. Our clothes were in the living room, and when we heard her come in he ran to the living room naked to try to get our clothes before she came in and saw. She saw. And I am also pretty sure his dad saw me naked also on a separate occasion. It really wasn't as awkward as I would have imagined it to be. Then again, I loved his parents.

22. Compliments also make me feel all giddy and... ready?... but I guess that's sort of the point in the big picture.

23. I feel the sexiest when I am completely naked, lying in bed after sex, with whoever just kissing my back, or having our legs intertwined.

24. I sometimes picture people having sex while I am out grocery shopping, or my college professors, or neighbors, and I wonder how they act and what they say or do or what their facial expressions look like in the midst of it all.

25. I believe it is impossible for two humans to love each other equally. 'Being in love'--it just doesn't work that way. I believe in love. Just not two people being in it, with each other. One person always loves too much.