Sunday, April 11, 2010

1. I was born female and I'm glad, but gender hasn't ever been very important to me. I like people, elements, animals, objects--life turns me on.

2. The first time I heard the term bisexual I was 12. That was me until kids started saying I was just doing it to get boys' attention or I was gay and in denial--I was dating a boy at the time. Later I switched to answering that I was pansexual, which led to explaining "pansexual" to everyone who asks.

3. #2 and I never had sex. We made out and dry-humped, he nagged me for sex, I let him finger me once. I shaved beforehand, I thought he'd be grossed out if I hadn't. He was awful and it didn't turn me on at all, I faked what I thought an orgasm would be like just so he'd finish. He went to wash his hand and when he came back he said "my hand smelled kinda funny." He wouldn't lay off about sex. I told him I didn't want to risk using just condoms. He talked me into going on the pill, I started it but told him it took 30 days to start working. I dumped him on instant messaging later that week.

4. I stayed on the pill until I was 16. I wish I hadn't. It smothered my libido, I had my first orgasm at about 14... but I still made out a lot with friends, a few foolings around, but never any actual sex, per se.

5. The first person I actually fucked was a girl--I didn't know her name. I had turned 17 a few days before. We fucked drunk and high for at least 12 hours next to two friends of mine on a small bed, I yelled, moaned and screamed. I ate her out for hours, her body was similar to mine, almost eerily so. I couldn't come the whole time, I don't remember if she did.

6. I wasn't with anyone for 7 months. I ran into an old friend, we flirted comfortably, sang, took lots of drugs, some homemade. We fucked the whole night, awkwardly but enjoyably. I wanted to have anal sex but he was too big for no lube. When the sun rose we went outside and fucked against trees, he was wearing a skirt, I loved it and I'm glad we used condoms. We met up once later that month at a party--I was on coke. We fucked without protection all night, the weather was stifling, we didn't sleep until morning. I got some Plan B the next day and swore to myself I'd always carry condoms with me from now on.

7. I've only ever come by myself, and I worry about gushing with other people, most seem like they couldn't handle it.

8. I'm a slut at heart, but people assume I don't get laid because I never date and I don't usually talk my random hook-ups.

9. I masturbate all the time and I love it more than any two-person sex I've had. I hope to be with people I can feel that way with.

10. It saddens me when people are anti-sex and they don't even realize it. I try to be as overtly sex-positive as possible; it sparks a lot of fun conversations.

11. I'm not attracted to most people I meet, but when I am it's usually because of how comfortable they are with themselves.

12. I want to fuck my way around the world, but when people ask me what I like about travel I tell them that I love experiencing new cultures...

13. I try to be as comfortable with my physicality as possible, but sometimes mainstream brainwashing makes me feel worthless/less entitled to behave however I want because I'm not thin. I know it's stupid, but it still happens.

14. I love being roughed up when having sex. I'm tired of nice boys, they're too nice. They get flustered when I ask them to be mean.

15. I hate when guys sincerely "can't find the clit!" Or don't want to go down on a girl because they "aren't very good at it." I've only heard these excuses from younger boys. I have trouble finding older guys to fuck that aren't total creeps.

16. I've been uninterested in sex physically for a couple months, seeing as I've been really depressed, but I continue to read porn/fantasize. My body just doesn't react much.

17. I've got an incredible mother who supports my sexuality and porny ambitions in life.

18. I'm 18 now. #2 killed himself a few months ago. I wasn't surprised or regretful.

19. I'm most turned on when hiking or backpacking, when totally immersed in the real world. All my camping friends I have aren't hot to me, though.

20. When I was a young girl, I'd always get weird feelings toward jerk boys I wasn't even friends with. I now realize I just wanted to hatefuck them. Maybe I should have tried that instead of punching.

21. I love, love, love orgasms. I often have trouble stopping after just one or five or eight. Occasionally I'll run late because I took more time than I thought I would coming!

22. I've never been in deep love, I'm not sad about it. If it ever happens it will probably be one of the best and worst thing to happen to me. In the meantime, I love getting to know people in and out of bed.

23. I've never participated in group sex beyond #5. I think I'd be very well-suited to it, though.

24. I'm incredibly turned on by bloodplay, being held down, and many other dark things, but I don't trust anyone enough for any of it, at least not at this point in my life.

25. I love happy sex that doesn't take itself too seriously.