Thursday, June 25, 2009

1. My current boyfriend is my first everything. First kiss, boyfriend, sex, love, etc.

2. I wasn’t his first though. He had sex one time before me with his ex and apparently it was so terrible, he wanted to be celibate. However, he’s kissed about two-three girls prior to me, one who was a good friend of mine, and it was a one-time deal. Me and my boy were best friends at the time, and it didn’t bother me that he made out with her (apparently she was sloppy and a bad kisser). However, the mere fact that I wasn’t his first at things like he was mine kills me.

3. Going along with #2, I am pretty jealous of my boyfriend’s past “sex” life or whatever. Even though most of it was bad. I wish I had more experience.

4. It kills me even more because I know I COULD have had more experience, but passed on the opportunity.

5. Now that I’ve been sexually active, I want to go out and have more sex so that I’m more experienced and better at it. Then I want to come back to my boyfriend after we’ve been broken up and have the most amazing sex ever, just to show him I good I am.

6. He thinks that he was my second though. I told him I lost my virginity to my ex when I was sixteen. My ex and I did everything but sex. It was okay but I never got off.

7. I never really got off with my current boyfriend either until about three months into our relationship. He fingered me and I finally came. My sister was fucking her friend in the next room.. I only finished because I subtly told him the importance of the clit. He never paid much attention to it because the guys in porn never did. That amuses me.

8. I’ve never gotten off during sex. I always thought I would. When I first I had sex and I didn’t come, I was pretty upset. It still upsets me. I can’t figure out how to do it.

9. However, my boyfriend thinks I’ve always gotten off. At the same time as him. Every. Single. Time. He thinks that I’m really orgasmic. I’m not.

10. I don’t know why I lied to him, really. I guess I wanted to make him feel good about himself. He’s a good guy. However, now that I know what it feels like for him to get me off, I’m completely honest with him. I wonder if he’s noticed that I don’t finish during sex anymore. I blame the condoms.

11. I hate being on top.. I really do. While I prefer grinding so that my clit gets stimulation, my boyfriend obviously prefers me bouncing up and down, but that does absolutely nothing for me. I tell him I can’t be on top because it hurts. It doesn’t. It’s just uncomfortable and I’m lazy.

12. I think I’ve always been bad on top. When I was a kid, my friend and I would grind and make out through a pillow. I tried to be on top one time, but after a short time she told me I was doing it wrong so we switched.

13. That friend was my first “real” kiss. It was in my backyard. We’re both girls. She tried sticking her tongue in my mouth, but I was too afraid to part my lips for her. My mom caught us and freaked out. I think she’s a closet homophobe, but that’s beside the point. I was a kid, probably 9 or 10. I guess that was my first kiss but I don’t consider it as such.

14. My current boyfriend is very sweet and all, but I’ve kind of felt pressured by him. Before we started dating, we were fooling around (aka grinding) and he took off my bra and shirt. I wasn’t really comfortable with this, but I didn’t really know how to say no. I just wanted someone to touch me, I suppose. I felt like the only 17 year old with virtually no sexual experience.. Then he stuck his hand down my pants and fingered me, without even asking. It was a day after we started dating. I wasn’t comfortable with this either but I didn’t know how to stop it. I was terrified of returning the favor by giving him a handjob, so he went home dissatisfied quite a few times before I caved in. He would jokingly complain that he got blue balls. I took the hint.

15. The first time I gave him a handjob was the first time I touched a penis. I was stroking him for about ten seconds tops when he came. I didn’t actually look at his dick until a few times after that.

16. The first time I gave him head I really didn’t want to. He kept hinting and hinting at it and seemed to be pretty disappointed when I jokingly said I would and then never did. I said I was teasing him, waiting until he was begging for it before I went down on him. In reality, I was stalling for time. I lead him on by accident. When I finally gave him a blow job, he lasted about five seconds before he came. I did it again a few minutes later. He lasted longer. Those first two times he told me he was coming so I could remove my mouth. The third time, he was distracted because it felt so good and forgot to say something, and he ended up coming in my mouth. I swallowed. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I’ve swallowed ever since.

17. I used to hate giving head; now I love it. I still hate giving handjobs though. I never do it because he prefers head anyway.

18. I’ve never received oral. He licked me while fingering me, but that was because I was getting kind of dry down there. I’m kind of self conscious about myself down there, but I find myself wanting him to do it. But I don’t want to ask him because I don’t think he’s very comfortable with idea, and I don’t want to pressure him the way he pressured me. I know how it feels.

19. When my boyfriend and I first started fooling around, I was so self assured and aggressive. I was bold, open, adventurous. He liked it. I’m not like that anymore, not that that extent. I’m lazy because I know he’ll do all the work. I mean, I’ll give him head and still put in a good amount of effort, but I’m not as kinky as I once was. I honestly don’t know what happened.

20. When my boyfriend and I first started having sex, I always initiated it. I’ve basically taken control of him on the spot and had my way with him. Then he told me I was kinda pushy when it came to sex so I’ve never been that dominant again. Now he says he wants me to spontaneously take control and “rape” him. I won’t do it because I always remember that comment.

21. I make a lot of noise, even at the littlest touch. I want him to know that he’s pleasing me. I wish he would return the favor more often. He’s pretty quiet and I never know if he’s enjoying himself as much as I’d like. In fact, I wish I received any sort of feedback. Even criticism.

22. I let my boyfriend finger me before he kissed me. He got my shirt off before he kissed me. We gave each other hickeys that trailed down our necks to our chests and across our shoulders before he kissed me. He had to hold me down to kiss me. I laughed afterwards and he thought it was weird.

23. On a totally unrelated note, I have fantasies of my recruiter taking me into the bathroom in his office and fingerfucking me. I guess fucking would be nice too.

24. I wish I was better at sex.

25. Sex was more exciting when I wasn’t getting it. Now that I am it isn’t so exciting anymore. I like it of course, but I don’t crave it like I used to. In compiling this list, I’ve realized that I have a shitty sex life. Wow. I know it’s my fault. I feel guilty because my boyfriend loves me beyond comprehension and I know all he wants to do is to please me.