Tuesday, June 15, 2010

1. This account is going to be less colorful than some, but it may also be more typical. Us vanilla people have stories to tell, too.

2. Because my story is more vanilla, I want to make it clear that nothing I say is meant as criticism of anyone whose sexuality takes other forms, choices or directions. I wish you joy on your paths - I'm just here to describe mine.

3. I am a 21 year old woman who lost my virginity (silly phrase - it sounds like I should go back and look for it) at 17. I have had three lovers.

4. And they all were lovers, boys and men with whom I had long-term romantic involvements. I have never had a one-night-stand or sex-just-for-the-sake-of-having-sex (that's what my vibrator is for).

5. The first was my high school sweetheart. We were together about a year and a half, and waited until halfway through that time to have intercourse. Before then we progressed from kissing to mutual masturbation and were happy at that level. His weren't the first fingers to make me come - mine got there first - but what he could do for me by hand and what I could do for him by hand satisfied us while we didn't feel ready to go further.

6. Digression - I first discovered masturbation around 10 or 11, when I didn't really know what I was doing except that it felt nice, and got serious around 13, when I discovered orgasms. I still use the finger-clit technique I found then, though I now have a battery-operated buddy for variation. End of digression.

7. We decided to take the big step on my 17th birthday. It should have been a disaster. We were both virgins, we were nervous and self-conscious and awkward, there was fumbling with the condom and difficulty finding the angle for penetration, and of course I didn't come. But we kissed a lot, and giggled a lot, and cuddled afterward, and all things considered I doubt if a first time could be much better.

8. When he realized I hadn't come, he made sure to finish me with his fingers. In fact it took my body several tries before it learned how to have an orgasm through intercourse, but he never left me hanging. It wasn't until much later, hearing girls talk about their insensitive lovers, that I realized how special that was.

9. We only split up because we went to different colleges far apart. We tried to keep it going long-distance, but our reunions at vacation times, and especially our attempts at intimacy, were awkward, and we let it fade away. I will always think of him warmly and consider myself lucky that he was my first.

10. I dated a little in my first year in college, with no real sexual content, and met my second lover at the start of my sophomore year. As with the first, we waited (though not nearly so long) until it felt right to have sex, but once we did, we fucked like bunnies. It was like a drug, and I probably had sex more times in that eight months than before and since put together.

11. He introduced me to oral sex (more on that later) and also to trying different positions. I don't particularly like it from behind - it's too impersonal. I like the sense of being taken that is part of the missionary position. And, conversely, I like the sense that I'm fucking the man when I'm on top.

12. Like all addictions, cold turkey was the cure, and a summer apart somehow broke the spell. Meanwhile, early in my junior year I met the man I knew I was going to marry. We've been together almost two years, and will marry in the fall, after graduation.

13. Our sex life began with some of the intensity of Number Two, with some of the sweetness of Number One, but it's found a level neither of them had the opportunity to reach.

14. We know each other's bodies and minds (the ultimate erogenous zone) so well that we can play each other like musicians. He knows exactly where, when and how to touch me, and the fact that he is so expert gives me a feeling of security that adds to the excitement. And he knows how to say something loving or make a casual caress early in an evening that will have me wet and eager at bedtime. And I think I can do the same to him - I know that I know how to tease him until he's begging for more.

15. I love oral sex. I love the feel of his cock in my mouth and love making him come that way. But I'd rather use it as foreplay, getting us both so excited that we scramble frantically into position for intercourse.

16. It's the same with receiving oral. I've had some incredible orgasms that way, but my favorite is when he goes down on me until I'm literally begging him to fuck me, and I grab and pull him up and into me, coming almost instantly.

17. Another digression - I'm of two minds about 69. I like to be able to see his face when I'm sucking him, and to be in position to switch to intercourse. But 69 has the fascinating quality of getting me so involved in what I'm doing that my own excitement sneaks up on me. It's like "Here I am, sucking his cock and enjoying it. But oh, I seem to be about to come. How did that happen?" End of digression.

18. And that's about the extent of our experiment or variation. We are so happy with the sex we've got that, unless our sex life becomes terminally boring decades from now, we see no reason to look any further.

19. I'm certainly not interested in anal sex. I don't see the point, and listening to girls who have tried it, I get the impression they were moved less by desire than by the sense that they were supposed to try everything once, like there was some sort of sexual to-do list we were all going to be graded on.

20. I'm not interested in sex with a woman. I like men. Again, I get the feeling sometimes that there is some kind of feminist ruling that we have to have at least one lesbian experience, to prove our liberation and sisterhood. I know how liberated and feminist I am, and don't have to prove it.

21. And I have no interest in S&M, or bondage, or swapping, or group sex, or anything else on the to-do list. That implies no criticism of those who enjoy any of those things, as long as you do enjoy them. As I've indicated, I have less sympathy for those who do things they don't really want to, just to prove some point to themselves.

22. I will admit to the occasional masturbation fantasy of having two men at once. But I recognize it for what it is - a masturbation fantasy, not something I really want. (I read somewhere that almost every woman toys occasionally with rape fantasies - but that doesn't mean we want it in real life.)

23. Most of my masturbation imagery - and yes, I still do, because my fiancé and I can't be together every night - is either memories of great sex in the past, or picturing me and my fiancé in different settings, either romantic (e.g., the inevitable deserted beach) or naughty (across a table in the library). Or the ever-reliable George Clooney.

24. And that's about it. Like I said, not as colorful as some of the other postings, but just as real and possibly more typical.

25. Us vanilla people have stories to tell, too.