Saturday, December 3, 2011

1. I'm a 53-year-old straight male, married 31 years.

2. I have no memory of this, but I have a feeling that my older brother molested me as a young child. We shared a bed until he was a teenager. He has always evoked a overwhelming emotional reaction in me. I don't have those feelings with any other siblings.

3. My penis is extremely small when flaccid although only slightly below average when erect. I received an injury to my testicular sack at the age of four. The injury is unrelated to the size of my penis, but together with #2, the result has been severe sexual insecurities.

4. The earliest sexual experiences I remember consist mainly of masturbating while looking at the underwear ads in a Sears catalog. This was as close as I got to pornography until I went to college and saw my first Playboy magazine.

5. I have looked at some form of pornography almost every day since college. I enjoy written stories more than pictures.

6. I believe those early catalog pictures planted the seeds of what grew into a lifelong lingerie fetish.

7. My favorite look is a woman in '50s style underwear, as long as she's wearing stockings.

8. I have always been attracted to what some call trashy women. My wife used to dress a little slutty and I really liked that.

9. I have never really had the desire to cross-dress, and lingerie by itself is not enticing. As an experiment, I tried on some lingerie once, but it did nothing for me. I felt and looked foolish.

10. The size of my penis, reading dirty stories, and the lingerie thing are the defining characteristics of my sexuality.

11. I had sex with three women before I met my wife. Two were basically one-night stands, and I had a steady girlfriend with whom I had oral sex several times.

12. I got married when I was 20, and have never had sex with anyone but my wife in 35 years.

13. I was only seriously tempted to cheat twice. Once, I drunkenly made out with a woman for a couple of minutes at a party. The second was a much more serious emotional affair that lasted several months. We never had sex, but we did make out fully clothed several times.

14. Insecurity about the size of my penis and the desire to remain faithful prevented me from having sex with the woman. I often wonder if God gave me a small penis in an attempt to keep me faithful.

15. My desires are much more kinky than those of my wife. This has been the major sexual frustration of my life and played a part in #13.

16. My wife and I had a pretty regular and enjoyable sex life for our first twenty years.

17. The only kink in which she indulged was lingerie. She got dressed up for sex about once a week, and I was never tempted by other women when she routinely wore sexy lingerie.

18. I've never had group sex, anal sex, BDSM, D/s or any other non-vanilla sex.

19. The term making love accurately describes our married sex life.

20. When my wife began menopause she lost almost all desire, sex became painful and we've only had intercourse once in the last few years.

21. I love her now more than ever, in spite of ever-growing sexual frustration.

22. She does give me a blowjob or a handjob every few weeks if I complain enough and become so horny I can't sleep. She does not seem to enjoy it and I feel like it is just another chore for her.

23. Because she no longer enjoys it, neither do I. We are trapped.

24. I would never force anyone to do anything, but I have strong domination fantasies. I wish my wife wanted to play the part of a submissive slut who needed a good spanking.

25. I live a life of torn emotions. I love my wife deeply but regret missing out on so very many sexual experiences.