Friday, May 8, 2009

1. Sometimes I fear that I may be asexual. While I love cuddling and kissing, the sex part seems like work to me when I am regularly having it. I make excuses sometimes as to why I "can't have sex" when I really just want it.
2. I have always taken pride in the fact that I am "not promiscuous" (whatever that means), but now am realizing that it's silly to put such restraints on a person. Sex should be enjoyed, and this previous notion has hindered my inhibitions.
3. I wonder if I was sexually molested at a young age because I feel like something traumatic happened to me to make me this scared person now as an adult. I have no memories of this however.
4. I first had sex at age 16 with my serious first love. He was Asian and had a really small penis which probably helped the pain.
5. I did not bleed, and wondered at the time if this was a bad thing. I thought it was important to bleed.
6. I have gotten remarkably more uninhibited as the years have progressed, and love this about myself.
7. I fake confidence with the men I am with because I think that they will think I am sexy.
8. By confidence, I sometimes tell myself that I am an actress and I try to be the best lover ever with theatrics; moans/ groans, facial expressions, etc.
9. Around age 3, I started making out with my stuffed animals.
10. Soon after, I would run my genitals over their faces and get very stimulated. I got caught once, and felt very ashamed.
11. My 1st sexual experience at 8 was with the neighbor across the street, she was 6. I am still guilty at the thought that I may have taken advantage of her.
12. I only get off clitorally and wish this wasn't the case. The boy I am seeing doesn't go down on me and I think I may need to end it- QUICKLY because of this.
13. I like to be dominated and told what to do when I am normally a very extroverted, domineering person. People seem to be surprised by this when I tell them. "YOU?!- really?"
14. While I have only hooked up with a few women, I want to be with many more.
15. I fear that my past jobs of having to impress men for my looks (not stripping) have jaded me into a really distorted way of thinking of always wondering what they want from me, and to be distrustful. I hate this.
16. I don't masturbate mainly because I get bored and impatient, but am working to overcome this.
17. My last boyfriend was incredible at going down on me, and I miss his tongue like no other.
18. Men who have been with many women disgust me.
19. I have always had weird, sexual fantasies with my father. This scares the shit out of me.
20. One of my small labia is much bigger than the other. I wonder if this is normal, and the fact that I don't know makes me feel stupid.
21. I push men away before they can push me away, and I attribute this to my father.
22. I have never had anal sex, but would have it with someone who let me do it to them 1st.
23. While doggy style is my favorite position, missionary makes me fall in love.
24. I have learned to love to suck dick, but wait a while in a relationship to do it.
25. I have slept with 11 men and 1 woman in 9 years, this is much more than I ever thought I would have done.