Thursday, June 11, 2009

1. I remember taking a shower with my mom. I do not know how old I was but I remember it. She had big boobs and a dark hairy bush. It was the 70’s. That is all I remember.
2. I started masturbating when I was like nine or ten to my dads skin magazines. I remember reading about ejaculation but that didn't happen until I was 12.
3. A number of boys in the neighborhood used to masturbate together, I was never invited and that bothered me. I thought why would you want to do that with other boys? I was just bothered that I wasn't invited.
4. I would think about sex all the time and then this girl in the neighborhood asked me one day, "Do you ever think about sex?" We were twelve and would go to this fort we had in the field across from my house and just lay there holding each other, kissing, and feeling each other up and down underneath our clothes.
5. I used to put things up my ass when I was younger and really liked it.
6. I lost my virginity when I was 19, I thought it was late for a guy… She just got me high and seduced me.
7. I used to be tormented by thoughts I was gay. I never masturbated to guys or even thought that way, I just obsessed that I was gay. Some suggested I try it to find out, but for me I do not think it would have helped at the time. As I have grown older I am more OK with my thoughts and fantasies, because that is what they are, thoughts and fantasies, not actions. One event that I believed helped me through this was seeing two friends kiss. Many guys have the MFF fantasy, or two girl lesbian fantasy, watching them. Well my friends were in my car, they are lesbians and they started making out. Not that it grossed me out, it was just weird and in some ways did not seem right. So seeing that helped me realize that fantasy does not always equal reality.
8. I believe I date raped a girl in college or at least forced myself on her. We were hot, heavy, and naked in my car and that part was willing, but looking back I believed I forced the issue. This has been a recent revelation and I feel really guilty about it. Ashamed is more like it. I wish I could apologize or take it back.
9. I have always thought my penis was too small, however after reading this blog I have felt better about myself.
10. I masturbate at least every day, many time multiple times. Sometimes I can waste many hours looking at and reading porn. I wish I could find a woman to masturbate with regularly.
11. I have slept with several virgins. One of which was my fiancé. She believed in no vaginal sex before marriage. We used to do everything but vaginal intercourse. She then asked if I wanted to try anal. So we used to do that all the time. It was fun but she was not that into sex. I am glad it broke off before the wedding.
12. I have slept with 60+ women, much older (20 years) and younger (10 years) than myself. It was all good. I think I now prefer women about my age, however being 41, I desire a purely sexual relationship with a woman in her 20’s.
13. I have not had any threesomes or moresomes. For me I think it would be sensory overload. I would like to have the experience to say I did it, however it is not high on the list of priorities. In addition the people I know who have had them seem to be more about bragging rights than “This was the greatest experience ever!”
14. I have fantasized about having sex with a man and have gone as far a placing an ad on Craigslist, but I do not think I can or would act on it. I enjoyed the emails with some men as it was erotic--nice to be desired. Fear of disease and/or someone becoming violent are a large deterrent.
15. I will occasionally use bananas on myself, fantasizing that a well-endowed man is taking me from behind. I really like the feeling and would like to try it with someone I completely trust. Perhaps I will be seduced one day under the perfect circumstances and allow it to happen. I want him to be large though...
16. I have been with a few married women. I really struggle with this. Although it is very exciting at the time I often feel guilty afterwards.
17. One married woman is really into S&M and bondage. Wants me to do things to her and build a dungeon. I really do not get it... I really like some good old fashioned fucking, sometimes soft and gentle, sometimes hard and occasionally getting a little wilder. Who knows, maybe I'll progress up to the other stuff.
18. I wonder if any of my students fantasize about me.
19. Although many of my female students are attractive, legal and wear revealing clothes I do not think I would ever touch them. Aside from putting my professional life in jeopardy, I would not want to damage them in any way. None of the men I work with ever talk about this that I know of... There must be feelings stirred in them as well. Older male teachers I have spoken to in the past have said it used to be a contest to see how many students they could sleep with.
20. I wish I had a regular sleeping partner who I could continue to explore my sexuality with now.
21. I love going down on a woman, though sometimes it takes a long time... Now I know how some women feel.
22. I do not like 69 that much, not that it doesn’t feel that good, it is just too intense and I cannot concentrate.
23. I sometimes wish I could just say to some women I know I want to have sex with them. Some of them are very attractive but are in relationships. I will often fantasize about them when alone. I want to know how they feel, taste, and sound.
24. I love the female body. All shapes and sizes and really think they are beautiful. Some male bodies are nice too, but I only feel this way occasionally.
25. Reading this blog has made me more comfortable with my sexuality and feeling about myself, making me feel not so much like a freak and more normal than anything. It is not comparing myself to the other posts, it is just that we all have thoughts and actions and feeling about ourselves that maybe never get shared. I feel relief, happy, and a little more comfortable in my skin.