Thursday, July 9, 2009

1. I lost my virginity to a guy I only knew the first name of, in a tent at a rock festival when I was 17. It sounds so stupid and clichéd, but still to this day, I don't think it was a bad way of doing it. I was very ready for it, and since I never thought it had to be special, it was the right way to go. I still smile when I think about it, and I still have a photo of him saved (somewhere....). I remember that it was hard to know how to move and that he smelled a bit like earth.

2. I've always been very sexual. I masturbated for the first time at the age of five, and I can't even remember my first orgasm, since it is such a normal way of my body to behave. Sex is a interest of mine, and a language that I speak pretty well.

3. I look upon sex as almost a hobby. I read about it, I occasionally work with it (in my job as an artist), I think about it a lot, and sometimes I even get the opportunity to do it! We all have different interests; sex is one of mine. I don't think that that would make me more sexually active then anyone else, only that it interests me as a pheromone and a activity.

4. I'm queer. I don't like to label myself, but I have the ability to fall in love with any gender.

5. I "came out", or rather discovered my "queerness" quite late, at the age of 23. The girl I fell head over heels for had curly hair and a quirky smile. I actually didn't find her very attractive, but I loved her so deeply that I didn't care. In a way, that's not so strange, since...

6. ...I always had a problem with the whole love + sex situation. I don't get the "love-sex." I honestly don't think they're very connected. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's not. This could happen with anyone, regardless of your emotions. I can be in love without the sexual attraction, as well as I can have sexual attraction without being in love. But deep down, I would really like to get it. See what all the fuss is about. Maybe I just haven't been really in love?

7. I had sex with 37 men and one woman. I keep a list--because I forget easily and really don't want any of their names or faces to disappear. They all are a part of me. I was in love with maybe five of them. I'm 25 years old, and I don't know if this is very many for my age. I don't really care, though. I don't regret any of them.

8. I'm curious about everything in life, and that comes to sex too. If someone asks me to try out something I've never done before, I will say yes. This has put me in a lot of strange situations, like shoe-fetish sex, fucking a man with a strap-on, screaming to make sure the neighbors hear it, etc. Sometimes I like things and keep them in my sex life, most of the times I just consider it as a fun experiment.

9. The last thing on the list above wasn't at all hard to do since I'm always struggling with keeping my mouth shut in bed. I'm really loud!

10. I don't think there such a thing as "good in bed." To be good in bed, you need to be horny in bed, that's the goddamn key!

11. I get super annoyed by people who get grossed out during sex. It's not fresh. It's kind of stinky, sweaty and sticky. You will get fluids you don't know where they come from, both in your mouth, your hair and on your body. It's sex. Deal with it, try to relax and have fun, or don't do it at all.

12. I like giving head. I've always been oral, biting my nails, pencils, etc. When I found a new way of using my mouth, I instantly liked it. One of the reasons is because I'm good at it, and it arouses me seeing I can cause so much pleasure with only my mouth.

13. But in general, I think that people often forget to integrate the whole body when they have sex. It's so much about hands-mouth-gender. I try to think about how it feels in my entire body, not only the parts given attention for the moment, and when I succeed, the orgasm becomes so much more intense.

14. Since I'm very open-minded about sex, and people know that, I made certain rules for myself: I don't sleep with co-workers, I don't sleep with my friends' ex-boy/girlfriends, I don't sleep with friends. A few times, I broke the rules, and it always ended up in big drama--not so much from my side, though. I realize people put more emotions into sex than I do, and try to keep the non-emotion-sex to people I date, people I meet for only one night, or friends with benefits.

15. I think that friends with benefits is a great concept, but to be honest, after a while you get used to a body. How it moves, how it smells and how it comes. That might be confused with love, and that's where the problems usually start.

16. I had an abortion, at age 22. I didn't know the father very well, we only had the same friends. I had to call a friend to get his number, and when I called him he only said "I knew it". And I did too. I remember us looking at each other, with fear, and him saying "fuck. I think I got you pregnant now," and me nodding my head. I have so much faith that having the abortion was the right thing to do, both for myself and him. Today, three years later, I'm almost done with my BA in the school I was applying for when it happened, and his band is getting a record deal. This is a life I wouldn't be able to live with a baby, and I love my life.

17. Even though the abortion was one of the most painful experiences I had, I still don't protect myself all the time. I know that it's stupid, but I hate condoms. They always give me yeast infections that last for weeks, and whatever anyone says, it's just not the same thing. I only have sex without a condom with people I trust and have been recently tested, though, and I take birth-control pills when I have any kind of relationship.

18. One of my fantasies is waking up with someone that I don't know who it is inside of me. It's almost a rape fantasy, but more vanilla. I really like the thought of waking up and just not knowing, but still being so turned on that I want to continue.

19. I was a mistress for a while, to a 15 year older guy. He bought me sex toys and porn magazines, not jewelry and travel. He was one of those that could just give me a quick look to get me wet enough to go at it. I loved the sex we had; really hard and pure, with no strings at all. Eventually, I broke it off, since I was moving away.

20. The best sex I ever had was with a one-night stand. Something made me completely relaxed with this man, and there was just no limits. His cock was perfect, his body was perfect, and the sex was perfect. I can't remember anything we talked about, and I think that's a good thing, because if the conversations were perfect too, I'd have to fall madly in love with him.

21. Even though I'm very sexually open minded, I respect relationships. I've never cheated on any of my partners when the relationship isn't of an open sort. Not because I didn't want to, but because I respect that people want to be monogamous. The time I slept with a man who had a relationship, I didn't know at first and became very uncomfortable when I found out. I do think that a open relationship is possible, but that people are just too scared of trying it.

22. But then again, as the paradox I am when it comes to sex and love, I'm still waiting for the day I meet the person who shows me why people don't want to cheat.

23. Being a curious girl; this summer I'm trying something completely new. No sex. Not any sex with anyone. I draw the line at kissing and feeling up someone. After eight years of being sexually active, I haven't gone more than two months without sex. It's so easy to have it, it's so easy to get it, that I sort of lost the point with it. It's like money: when you have enough of it, it's just no fun anymore. So now, I decided to wait for three months, and then maybe wait a bit longer. Maybe even until I fall in love?

24. I love kissing. I LOVE kissing. Only kissing can make me more wet then someone going down on me. I French-kissed the first time in kindergarten, even though I don't think I was aware of what I was doing. I never decide if I want to sleep with someone before I've kissed them--a kiss tells so much about how they are in bed. And if the kiss is bad, I wouldn't want to waste more time.

25. The strangest place I ever had sex was on a cannon. Literally, ON a cannon. It wasn't very big, so after a while we switched over to the grass right below it. Having sex in public places is something that happens now and then. I really do like the risk of being seen.