Monday, February 8, 2010

1. I am a 22 year old female who loves being feminine and all that goes with it. ...but I still know how to get dirty (literally and figuratively) when required.

2. I am very confident in my sexual abilities and embrace my sexuality. I have only been insecure about sex twice - the first time and again with a recent partner (both times because I wasn't sure what I was doing... recently because it was my first foray into foreskin) and I definitely think insecurity about sex has a negative impact on the experience for both parties involved.

3. I started masturbating in earnest around the age of 11. Before that I would always play with myself because it felt good, but nothing ever came of it. Being a curious child I was exploring some 'growing up' books in the library and it talked of masturbation and I decided to try to orgasm. I remember it took me several tries until I got it but I still remember that exact moment to this day and remember being afraid my mum would catch me.

4. After that point it was off to the races! As a young girl I would get myself off everywhere, and I do mean everwhere - school, sleepovers, while sharing a tent with my siblings, in the car with my family, while watching TV with people... odds are if I ever slept over at your house in my youth I have gotten off there. It hasn't stopped with getting older - I have masturbated at every workplace, every school, my friends' workplaces, houses, bathrooms, tanning beds, public pools, parents' beds, etc., and on in a never-ending list. I fucking love being a girl!

5. Sometimes I would do this while sharing a bed with a girlfriend and homoerotic fantasies would dominate my thoughts. There was one friend that would do it too, while we were in the same bed. We were 13.

6. I had my first boyfriend when I was 12, and he was 16. I was so scared and so turned on that I wouldn't let him kiss me. We only dated for a few months.

7. My first kiss happened while playing spin-the-bottle at 15.

8. Most of high school I was scared of boys and absolutely terrifed of intimacy, though not the physical kind. I definitely pushed people away because I was too scared of depending on someone. To this day I always avoid hand-holding and eye-contact during sex because I find them too emotionally intimate.

9. I fooled around with a couple people in high school, but didn't have sex. One was a friend's younger cousin at a party and he ended up cumming in my eye while I was giving my first blow-job... warning is always appreciated! He also scratched my vulva while fingering me, so hard it bled. Definitely not the best experience.

10. Another in high school was a rugby boy visiting from England. Turns out he was engaged.

11. While in my final year of high school I went and visited a friend who was going to University. There was a big party and I ended up going home with this guy and gave him head. He was a vegetarian and I still think about how sweet his cum tasted (best I've ever had) and how amazing fooling around with him was because I was bossy and we both loved it. I have never not swallowed since then.

12. I lost my virginity at the age of 19 on a second date. I'm not proud about the circumstances under which I lost it but I firmly believe in no regrets! How, you ask? Well, it was in the handicapped washroom of a club... I still don't know how it progressed that far, that fast, but it was a rush and to be honest I was anxious to finally have sex because I had given up on all that 'waiting for love' crap. And, well, it was disappointing.

13. The next person I slept with was a few months later and his cock was big (very girthy and long). We had sex several times and the next day I could feel how bruised my cervix was and it was the best reminder of how awesome a night we had. One of my favourite things is after-sex soreness that follows you for a day or two - a physical memory of the sweat and strain and pleasure.

14. I had a dalliance with a (10 years, not that much!) older man - which, to 19-year-old me felt wonderfully taboo. It was lovely and spontaneous and we would do things like meet in the park at midnight to make out in the rain. One night while I was at his house he forced me to have sex with him (we hadn't had sex yet)... I remember yelling no and trying to get him off of me, but with him at 6ft7 I was no match. I didn't talk to him again and I avoid any potential contact. Afterwards I was so embarassed and ashamed I didn't tell anyone for 3 years and have only just started to talk about it after a close friend of mine was raped - it was at that point that I realized that keeping it a secret was giving him even more power over me. I am now terrified of dating and would much rather just have sex as soon as possible with whomever my interest is, with me initiating it, so I don't have to feel so powerless again. I definitely push people away now because I am afraid to like them and the consequences that would bring.

15. I've only had one serious relationship - it lasted 2 years - and it was completely formative to the person I am today because I actually let myself love someone else. I broke up with him for many reasons. To be honest one of the reasons was because I had a much higher sex drive and was more spontaneous, adventurous and daring in the sack than he was willing to be. For example, I used to be upset when we wouldn't have sex daily, or at least 5ish times a week while he could be content with once or twice. [Side note:This trait of mine also makes it awkward being in FWB situations. I have trouble knowing the boundaries of how much sex should be expected... because I definitely get cranky when I can't have sex when I want].

16. And on that note - I have never found a guy who wants to have sex as much as I do and it is driving me crazy!! I mean, I love solo pleasure, but nothing beats a good fucking and the joy of being touched by another person.

17. The guy in 15 was also older, but only 5 years. He had a lot more experience than me. I realize it now, but his penis was pretty much the perfect size.

18. Though he is the only person I have ever let myself love, I was too scared to 'make love' to him though we had plenty of sex. That is one of my only regrets... and I still am avoiding intimacy to this day, though I know it is something that I need to work on.

19. When I am aroused I tend to be incapable of judging or controlling my own strength, particularly when it comes to gripping, biting and scratching. I had my boyfriend's boss give me a pair of gloves for Christmas because I kept leaving bleeding scars all over his back and neck (...and thighs and ass and...). I've learned to tone it down, but sex isn't as much fun now!

20. I have slept with a man with a very small penis and also one with very large one (and I mean bigger than porn, scared out of your mind, think it's fake big - different than person in 13). Both were bad. Both made up for this by being fucking amazing at going down. I still think of how good they were and how hard they could make me cum multiples and squirt and their absolute voracity and attention to detail. A guy that is amazing at oral WINS in my book... because I like to get it as good as I give it.

21. Recently I realized that the biggest turn-off when hooking up with a guy is when they don't care about you getting off. Umm, hello? Yes I realize I'm wet! That does not mean it gets to go in right away! IT'S CALLED FOREPLAY - WHERE YOU PLAY WITH EACH OTHER BEFORE. I thought that was drilled into men's heads after the age of 17. Or at least help me take care of my needs after! ... Nothing quite like rubbing one out while the guy is asleep on your arm after sex. Selfishness = yuck all round. Aaaaand apparently I'm still worked up about the situation.

22. I really like giving blow-jobs and miss the feeling of a cock in my mouth. I've had many men tell me I'm their best.

23. I have been in some group hookup situations (MFF and MMFFF) and dang, were they fun. I wish more 'hardcore' stuff had happened in hindsight but also realize that would have ruined some of my good friendships.

24. I'm really attracted to women - not butch or androgynous girls, but pretty, feminine women. I've definitely been thinking about them alot and my experiences with women and I feel that my ideal relationship would involve full commitment to a man but having a girlfriend also.

25. Sex is fun. It's wet. It feels fucking amazing. It's messy and painful and sometimes stressful but always, always fun. And, it's all about the story... and how you tell it in the 'morning after recap'.