Friday, March 5, 2010

1. I lost it at 15. I had my first kiss at 14, after waiting what felt like an eternity, and became sexually active in the next few months, with my first boyfriend. I wanted to wait to lose my virginity because I felt that 14 was just *too* young.

2. I haven't had a real boyfriend since I was with him. I won't let myself fall for a guy whose situation is unrealistic. The biggest factor has been that there isn't enough time for a relationship, because one of us is leaving soon.

3. I have continued having sex with this person, my first love, sporadically over the past few years, because he is easy. I've known him since I was 6 years old and he's the closest thing to a soulmate I've ever experienced.

4. Last summer his sister-in-law told me that he's in love with me, talks about me all the time, and his family was rooting for me. I told my mom about this, and she asked me what I was going to do about it. I said nothing, because he was moving across the country and I was moving out of it.

5. I have never cheated on anyone, but he cheated on a girlfriend with me. Over Thanksgiving break I told him I didn't want to do it anymore, because he had a g-i-r-l-friend. By winter break he had broken up with her and it resumed until I went back to college.

6. He lived with my brother last summer, and I would often go over and stay up until he got home from work (at a bar) in the hopes that he might want to hook up. We did several times, and it got more intimate as the summer went on, especially right before he left.

7. He recently got a Facebook, and he's initiated chats with me. During our last chat he told me about a girl he fucked who just wasn't good enough, and he couldn't finish. He said he misses my skills, and that makes me feel very good about myself. I hope I'm the best he'll ever have.

8. I've always masturbated to lesbian porn, but only recently tried it with my best friend after two bottles of wine between us. I didn't get off, and it wasn't as hot as I thought it would be. It was rather disappointing, but it might be more fun with toys.

9. I've had sex dreams about my father, which always make me feel sick to my stomach. He left my mother a year ago and I haven't talked to him in months.

10. My dad has made me feel like no matter what I do, I could never make a man be faithful to me.

11. I had my first one night stand with a Marine who had just gotten back from Iraq not even a week prior. I felt that it was my patriotic duty to support the troops.

12. I had a giant crush on a boy since 7th grade that lasted throughout high school. In 11th grade we skipped school, got high, and I took his virginity. We had sex a few times in the years after that, but I lost all respect for him after the condom broke and he avoided me for the rest of the summer. I had to go to his house and demand half the money for Plan B, because he at least owed me that.

13. I "took a lover" once when I went to a music festival with a friend from my hometown and his friends from college. I observed the cutest one of his friends taking ecstacy, and I said "You know, if you need someone to make out with later, you just let me know." My hometown friend later remarked that it was like we were "magnetized to each other." I went to visit him a week later, and it was weird outside of the magical festival setting. We're Facebook friends but I haven't talked to him since.

14. I once had sex with a guy because he stuck around after a party at my house. I was horny and he was available. It was the first time I experienced "jackrabbit" sex. I had sex with him a few more times, hoping he would get better, but he didn't. It's a good thing he went to China.

15. I think I once encountered a micro-penis. I tried giving him head, but I felt wrong because it was like I was molesting a little boy. It was like sucking on my own thumb. He was a really sweet guy who gave me one of the most memorable compliments I've ever received: "You're so pretty when you smile."

16. I had sex with a freshman when I was a senior in college, right before graduation, just because I wanted to fuck a freshman. He was a member of an organization that I was an officer of, and after a get-together, I authoritatively told him he was coming home with me. In the morning, I drove him back to the dorms. He was sweet, and I gave him advice on finding another cool girl like me. I told him to tell Star Wars jokes and see if she picks up on it. If she does, she's a keeper. He looks happy with his girlfriend on Facebook now.

17. I got date-raped once. I'm not sure if I just drank too much, or if I was drugged, but I was definitely unconscious that night and apparently he went back to the bar and high-fived his friends about it. I had sex with him the next morning because I felt like I had to, or else I was a slut. How backwards is that. I got tested and got the morning-after pill the next day. I consider it one of the stupidest things I've ever gotten myself into, and I have been much more careful since.

18. The only other guy I've felt strong feelings for was a hot Jewish guy during my last semester of college. We were in the same group for our capstone class, and he was the first boy to give me butterflies in years. I was drunk the first time we made out but apparently I went up to him at his party and said "Come with me." I regret not remembering this.

19. Over spring break we went to a career fair together. I gave him head in the hotel room, but when he told me he didn't want to have sex that night, I told him to leave. In retrospect, that was probably the wrong thing to do.

20. The day after that, I drove down to my home state and stopped off at my ex-boyfriend's house, the one mentioned in 1-7, and had sex with him. It was the only time I'd been with two guys in less than 24 hours.

21. We finally had sex, once, at the end of the semester, but it wasn't as good as I hoped it would be. I felt fat that day, and I felt like he was only doing it to make me feel better, not because he wanted to. He brought a flask to my apartment. He wanted me to choke him and do other kinky shit that I felt like we would only do if we were in a relationship.

22. He remarked about how most ladies thought he had a big penis, but I honestly didn't notice.

23. The biggest I've had was the guy I lost it to (1-7). This has been a main reason why I have continued sleeping with him throughout these past few years. Nobody does it better.

24. I've been in a new country for 5 months and haven't had sex with anyone else (besides my best friend). I just don't feel like putting in the effort to make it happen, even though I know it will be easy.

25. I don't think love is real, it's just a chemical response to millions of years of biological programming encoded in our DNA. I still want to get married, have kids, and own land one day.