Tuesday, June 8, 2010

1. I am female, nineteen, and panromantic asexual. I have gone through many identities over the years, though -- heterosexual, homosexual, pansexual, bisexual, pansexual again, and finally and for good... asexual.

2. I sexually blossomed at a very young age. In elementary school, a friend taught me what masturbation was because she had seen her mother do it. We hid in her room that day when I was over and experimented with it -- she didn't see the big deal about it, but I was immediately enamored of the feeling.

3. I became addicted to masturbation in middle school. I would imagine myself in increasingly kinky situations and get myself off several times a day -- I would pull a blanket over me and masturbate under it, looking like I was napping or watching a movie intently to any passerby.

4. My parents divorced when I was in elementary school and my father went through several girlfriends. One of them lived in a trailer and had a daughter a little older than me; we became fast friends and one weekend when I was staying with my dad, we stayed overnight with them. She claimed her mother had allowed her to get breast implants at a young age and wanted to know what normal breasts felt like, so I let her touch mine all she wanted. Looking back on it, she didn't have breast implants.

5. When I discovered porn and erotica online, I was even more fascinated. I would stay up late after night on my old hand-me-down computer to look at porn and masturbate to it. At first, anything sexual would turn me on, but I especially liked drawn porn. I would go on MSN groups and hunt down groups that were just porn comics of old cartoons, my favorites of which were any with The Flintstones or The Jetsons, especially since The Jetsons usually had the father screwing his daughter.

6. After drawn porn, I got in to real porn. The rougher the porn, the better. I wanted my women beaten and face-fucked. Raped. I couldn't get off to "normal" porn.

7. I was on GaiaOnline in the early days, when the "Personals" still existed, and I would often roleplay/have cyber-sex with Gaia members. I liked to coerce guys in to roleplaying incest with me. I still remember one with a guy, I was the little sister and he the older brother. It was really nasty, but I had a great time and really got off on it.

8. I know there is nothing wrong with masturbation, but I am ashamed of myself for it. For doing it so young and so often. I'm also ashamed that I've masturbated in my best friend's house. I have masturbated in her living room, guest room and it's bathroom, and her own bedroom and own personal bathroom.

9. When I was in elementary school, I had a stuffed dolphin that was about three feet long. It had a dorsal fin on top of it that was sewn on separate from the body, so it was quite stiff with stuffing. Sometimes, I would climb on so the dorsal fin pressed against me and I would ride the dolphin hard until I came. Now, I feel guilty for using my stuffed animal like that, and even though my little sister wants the toy, I don't want to give her something so dirty (even though I never rode it naked, always with at *least* panties on).

10. I learned a lot of dirty things online. My favorite for a while was bestiality. I actually took some cream cheese and put on my labia to get my cat to lick me down there once. It was fantastic, but I felt so disgusted with myself and still do. But... bestiality between women and animals still gets me off more than most else.

11. Even though thinking about my (admitted nymphomaniac) mother having sex with ANYONE grosses me out to no end, I used to masturbate to the sounds I could hear from her bedroom next to mine when she and my step-father went at it. Just the sounds of people having sex is still hot enough to turn me on.

12. It wasn't until I was fifteen that I realized that I wasn't masturbating the way most people imagined women masturbating. I only ever played with my clit -- and to this day, I've still never put a finger in my vagina. I was terrified of putting anything there until I finally started using tampons when I was seventeen.

13. I have never imagined having sex with a real person. When I used to fantasize, it was always made up people, sometimes beautiful and sometimes ugly. But I can't imagine real people in a sexual light -- hearing sex stories from my friends, I get really disgusted and have a hard time viewing them the same. Especially because when I think of them and the person they did sexual things with, all I can think about is what they did.

14. I find oral sex immensely hot, and even though I'd like to have someone go down on me, I would never do anything sexual with/for anyone else in any way. I just want someone to go down on me and for that to be enough for them. I wouldn't have to pleasure them, have sex with them, or anything.

15. I am a strangely-repulsed asexual. I am repulsed by the idea of real people having sex (porn doesn't count as long as it is actors), but love watching porn and reading erotica. The idea of myself doing anything sexual makes me feel ill, even.

16. I am romantic, however, and want to have a romantic relationship so much (though I'm scared of entering into another serious relationship because my last relationship lasted five years and the girl I was dating cheated on me with three different guys). I think drag queens, even ones that don't "pull it off" and still just look like men dressed up like women, are beautiful. I wish I could date a drag queen with the body build of a man, but the glamour and soul of a woman.

17. Despite being asexual, I am not bothered by the idea of people being sexually attracted to me. I have always enjoyed the positive attentions of others and like to tease and taunt people (especially guys) with my flirtatious personality and feminine figure. People assume I'm a very sexual person by my behavior and are always surprised to find out I'm asexual.

18. I am very serious about my asexuality, because there are so many misconceptions about asexuals. People's clever comments about "so you reproduce by yourself" and such really piss me off. So do people who claim to be asexual because they want to take a break from sex since it complicates their relationship. I'm like, you're not asexual, you're just practicing abstinence!

19. I am still a virgin.

20. Even though the idea of me engaging in sexual acts grosses me out, I would sell my body (and virginity) for an outrageous sum of money. Since I never plan to have sex for pleasure, my virginity doesn't mean much to me (even though I believe in waiting until marriage to have sex). If someone offered me the right amount of money and they were clean, I would have sex if the payment was up-front.

21. I have never seen the genitals of any other person in real life. I have mixed feelings about it. I'm curious, but I'm not sure about anything else.

22. I don't have sexual fantasies anymore. I literally cannot imagine anything any more that actually turns me on. I have to look at/watch and listen to something to get off.

23. I love breasts. If I was in a relationship with a woman who could get off by having her breasts played with, I would do that for her. I would fondle and lick them and everything. I LOVE breasts. Even my own -- I fondle them constantly.

24. I sometimes wish I was someone else, a sexual person, so I could experience sexual pleasure with someone else. If I could inhabit someone else's body for a day, I would go out and fulfill all my sexual fantasies with their body and return to my own with no guilt, knowing my body is still clean and "pure".

25. I wonder if I will be alone the rest of my life. I have little hope that I will find a "love of my life" who is a good match for me and also asexual -- because as strong as my libido sometimes is, it never creates an attraction or need in me for someone else. My head and heart need another person in my life, not my body.